Chapter 8 – Lies and Patronuses

Lily wiped the tears away from her face, her chin resting on her bent knees. She glanced up at the tall window beside her; dust and spider webs covered its stone sill, their presence suggesting that her hideout hadn't served as a proper classroom in years. She wrapped her arms around her torso, her cold hands failing miserably in bringing her the comfort she needed.

Would her girlfriends ask her what had happened were she to return to Gryffindor Tower? Could she hope in anything different then a "I told you so"? Cold and lonely, Lily felt as though she would've likely welcomed anyone's hug, regardless of what they said. She chewed nervously on her bottom lip, her eyes quickly falling on the stone floor beneath her feet as her friends' nasty words echoed in her mind.

How many times had they told her that he was evil, that he could not be trusted? She shuddered, a part of her still stubbornly refusing to acknowledge that they might have had a point. And what if they had been right? As far as she knew, he could've taken the mark that very weekend, she considered, her face visibly whitening at the thought.

Lily averted her gaze, her eyes falling on the broken furniture around her; she briefly wondered why no one seemed to have fixed that mess. She stared at the countless books on the floor, desperate for some form of distraction. Alas, it wasn't long before her thoughts wandered once again to her best friend. Could he really have become one of them? A Death Eater?

She shuddered again, the mere thought making her feel slightly queasy. She knew she was being irrational, her fear causing her to jump to the worst conclusions, but she couldn't help thinking that there was something off about him. Whether it was the result of You-Know-Who's mark poisoning his mind or the obvious lack of sleep, she did not know, but she couldn't help but fear the worst.

It was undeniable that something had changed. When had he become such a good liar? His voice had remained calm and soothing as he had slowly gotten under her skin, taking advantage of her willingness to believe him. And the worst thing was that for a moment he had managed to fool her, desperate as she was to believe that it wasn't too late for him to see sense.

Lily shifted on the floor uneasily when she remembered his polite words and formal demeanour. That would've been a nice change for a boy prone to quick outburst of anger and hurtful remarks, but that wasn't like him. It was one thing to try to improve one's manners, but Severus was behaving nothing like the boy she knew. Severus wasn't calm and he most certainly wasn't cold and collected.

He was fiery and stubborn; very much like her, and she both liked and hated him for it. They could argue about the stupidest things… she thought with a sad smile. Severus could have a nasty temper, but Lily would've much preferred being in the middle of one of his spiteful outbursts than have his eyes look, more often than not, strangely cold and… empty. She gulped, hugging her knees a little tighter.

"… I thought we were supposed to be friends. Best friends?"

Lily's lips quivered as tears started to run down her cheeks. They said that hope springs eternal, but Lily was struggling to believe that things could ever go back to how they used to be. Were they even friends at this point? Sometimes she had the impression that everything left between them were past moments and long-lost memories, and yet… she still cared.

Their friendship was doing nothing but hurt her and yet she couldn't find the necessary strength to end it. She thought of what had happened to Mary. She thought about what the other Slytherins punctually did to the Muggle-borns whenever a professor wasn't looking. She thought of what he would do to the Muggle-borns once he got out of school and her heart constricted in pain, fear and disappointment weighting upon her chest.

What sort of person would be willing to stay friends with someone like that? What sort of person would willingly ignore his awful plan of joining You-Know-Who for fear of losing a best friend? What did her persistence in continuing said friendship say about her? Mary had called her a hypocrite and she had been right. She knew what Death Eater did and still she kept telling herself that Severus didn't truly believe in any of that.

After all, he had been the one telling her that being a Muggleborn did not make any difference, hadn't he? How could he then believe in any of that? He had changed so much, he wasn't that boy anymore, but he also wasn't one of them. He was yet to believe her unworthy of magic, unworthy to live in the magical world. No, Sev wasn't really evil, not yet, anyway.

Lily sighed, rubbing her temples and knowing full well that she was, once again, making excuses.

Stupid Severus and stupid Lily who kept fooling herself into thinking that eventually she would manage to change him. She wiped the tears from her eyes, her heart skipping a beat when a bright silver light appeared before her eyes. She stiffened.

The tears in her eyes made it difficult for her to see, but before she could give herself to panic, a soothing sense of peace permeated the deserted room, and her heart instantly felt much warmer and lighter. She blinked, her heart thumping madly in her chest when the light seemed to move closer. It wasn't until her eyes adjusted to the blinding light that Lily found herself staring at a beautiful doe. She gazed at it, blinking away the tears.

The beautiful creature bowed its head, its delicate hooves making no sound as it approached her. Fearing she might frighten it, Lily froze where she stood, barely breathing as the light coming from the mysterious creature creeped up the tall walls, casting the shadows away from her face. The doe paused for a moment, turning towards the door before it looked back at her, its beautiful head with its long-lashed eyes held high. It stepped closer and when it finally came to a halt, it was so close that had Lily stretched her hand she could have touched it.

She stared at it in wonder, without even noticing that she had once again started to cry. There was something about that doe that she couldn't explain. She looked into the creature's eyes and all of a sudden, she felt as though she was staring into someone else's soul, something too private to be stared at lightly. But despite everything, she found herself unable to look away. There was something painfully familiar about it. She stared at those bright eyes, feeling a mixture of love, longing and an unfathomable guilt and sadness. Her heart constricted in pain, tears running down her eyes, for never, in her whole life she had seen something so sad and beautiful at the same time.

Lily startled when doe took a step back, frightened by the hand she had unconsciously raised.

'Please, don't go' she breathed, her voice hoarse and shaking from the lack of use. She couldn't explain why, but she didn't want it to go.

She didn't know what the creature was, but she knew that it would never harm her, for something so sad and beautiful could not be the product of Dark Magic. Her lips stretched in a faint smile, the light coming from the doe casting away any fear and sadness in her heart, protecting her from the darkness as she slowly stretched her hand towards it.

Severus pressed his back against the wall, holding his breath as Lily moved closer to his Patronus. He stared at the sadness in her eyes, the small smile resting on her lips doing nothing to erase the memory of her tearful eyes.

'Hello, there' she said, as the doe nuzzled her hand, causing Severus to grow more uncomfortable, his heartbeat increasing. He averted his eyes, black strands of hair obscuring his face as he forced himself to look away from her. He wasn't a nine-year-old boy anymore, he really shouldn't be spying on her. He had ascertained she was safe; he ought to leave.

His eyes wandered with shame to his bright Patronus, feeling strangely queasy when her hand found the creature's snout. He flinched away, pressing his back harder against the cold wall, his heart beating with something akin to fear. Lily smiled, oblivious to his presence as her fingers caressed the doe's pretty snout. He shrunk as though attempting to make himself smaller; pathetic as it was, he felt as though she was touching a part of his soul.

Another shiver ran down the length of his spine when she touched the doe once again. He hadn't… thought about the connection he shared with the creature when he had encouraged it to approach her. In fact, he hadn't thought much of anything when he had followed it to that deserted room, disillusioning his body and staring at the girl he still loved. Severus grimaced, his eyes falling on his black wand.

In the absence of any obvious threat, it required a tremendous amount of skill to keep a Patronus from disappearing after mere minutes. It was more than enough time to show the difficult charm to friends and examiners, but it had been easier to let people assume he'd been too much of a Dark Wizard to be able to cast it. No one would've question him. Only Dumbledore knew, but far from frequently using the spell to communicate with the man, Severus was ashamed to admit that he'd been casting the spell for nothing but his own comfort.

Moments of weakness to cast away the loneliness and bring himself both pain and undeserving comfort. A private form of torture.

Severus grimaced, her obvious relief the only thing preventing him from leaving the room at once. He sighed, unsure whether he felt a prevalence of joy or uneasiness when Lily ran her hand down the doe's neck.

'You're very pretty, you know?' she said and Severus felt himself flush.

He scowled, his mind flooding with one hundred different swearwords.

What an utter imbecile… He thought, his cheeks burning, for she certainly would have never called Severus pretty. He closed his eyes, mortified at the thought of Lily delicate hand caressing his ugly face instead. Yes, Lily would have been delighted to touch his ugly snout, his oily skin and greasy hair more likely to be deemed pitiful and disgusting. Indeed, Severus couldn't even remember being touched by a woman in a different way; he thought with shame.

Sensing his growing discomfort, the silver creature turned its head towards him and flickered; its light growing weaker. Severus held his breath as the doe disappeared, its absence leaving the gloomy chamber dark and empty. He saw Lily stiffen as she got to her feet, the hand holding her wand trembling slightly as she perused the shadows.

'Hello?' she said, her voice trembling slightly. Severus did not move, watching her as she wiped the tears away from her eyes, that quick gesture failing to hide the fact that only a few minutes before she had been crying.

'I know you're there' she continued, staring just where the doe had looked before disappearing. 'I'm a Prefect and it's almost past curfew, you can't stay here, go away' she said fiercely, her fingers tightening on her wand.

The corner of Severus' lips twitched upwards, forming the faint outline of a wan smile. Whereas most people would have been frightened, Lily was already ready to fight. She had always been strong and good hearted, something that he had always admired. But it had also been something that had cost her her life, her unborn sense of justice a dangerous quality to possess in these dark times. Severus felt himself grimace, guilt settling in his chest as he realised that apart from making her cry, he was now the source of her anxiety.

'It is I, Lily' Severus said, watching her face visibly whiten when he stepped out of the shadows.

'S- Severus…' she breathed, the wariness in her eyes suggesting that she trusted him no longer.

His expression darkened as she stiffened. It had taken him years to realise that it hadn't been that foul word the reason why she had cut him out of her life. No, that had only been the last straw. Even now it had taken him two entire days to realise just how strained and fragile their friendship had been.

"I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just-"

"Slipped out? It's too late, I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious Death Eater friends- you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be!"

"I can't pretend anymore", that was one of the last things she'd told him, but it was only much later that he had realised the full implications of those words.

'I apologise, I did not mean to frighten you. I was wondering if we could talk' he breathed, his mouth suddenly dry, for deep down he knew she already believed what she'd told him that day, that he had already chosen his way.

His face paled. Was it already too late?

'S- Severus? W-what- what are you doing here? I… how did you…', she bit her lower lip, a pained grimace taking hold of features. Her eyes darted to their surroundings.

'How long have you been here? You…' she gulped, looking at him with a grimace, 'why didn't you…'

Severus' lips thinned, the fearful distrust in her eyes making him squirm with discomfort. He found himself unable to look at her any longer, his young appearance the only thing saving him from feeling even more like a creep. For she was right, despite his initial intention to reassure himself of her safety, he shouldn't have been staring at her without her knowledge. He wetted his lips, feeling very much like the nervous nine-year-old boy he'd been when he'd first met her.

'I… I wished to apologise for what happened earlier. I… I did not mean to upset you' he managed to say after a while.

Lily pocketed her wand, torn between disbelief and wariness. He looked so uncomfortable that she couldn't find the heart to comment on the wrongness of what he had been doing, not when he seemed to have just realised that lurking in the shadows to stare at a crying friend was not something a normal person would do. It was almost painful how much he reminded her of the awkward boy she'd first met in the playground.

Lily looked at him with something akin to pity. Had he witnessed her crying? She wanted to ask him if he too had seen the doe, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She was tempted to ignore once more everything that had happened, his shame telling her that he was yet to become truly evil.

She stared at his haggard face, his downcast eyes. He looked so young, so much like the awkward boy she had come to love that Lily's breath froze in her throat, her heart constricting in pain. She should've told him something, she should have been disgusted by him, by what he was allowing himself to turn in to, but she couldn't.

All she could think of was that every part of the boy she knew would soon disappear. He was often cold, hateful and neck deep into the most repulsive forms of magic and apparently a very good liar. How long would it be before he would succumb to his worst nature? How long would it be before the awkward boy in front of her would turn in one of those heartless monsters? She didn't want him to change, she couldn't bear the thought of that boy being replaced by some evil Death Eater.

She inched closer, a silent tear gliding down her cheeks as she stared at him, knowing that her friend would soon disappear. She couldn't even bear the thought of it.

Oblivious to her inner turmoil, Severus' eyes widened when he felt Lily's arms closing around his torso, the feeling of her warm body pressed against his causing his heart to stop as she started to cry. He froze, the blood draining from his face as she brought him closer, holding him so tightly that after a while he struggled to breathe. He did not dare to move, his own body as stiff as a board, his arms locked under her own and resting on his sides, crushed by the unexpected hug.

He stiffened, her close proximity both overwhelming and confusing. Hadn't she been angry? Why was she even crying? Why would she want to hold him? Hadn't she just called him a liar? She did not trust him, he had been brought back to a time in which, thanks to his past behaviour, she already thought the worst of him. So, why of all people would she ever desire his closeness? It was utterly confusing, the feeling of her own body against his almost too much for him to bear.

Severus took a shaky breath, his own eyes prickling when once again it hit him how real she was. He stopped breathing, her heart beating against his own as her arms tightened around his thin frame, her forearms pressing against his spine. Severus shivered, his breaths becoming quicker.

'Lily…' he croaked, terrified of how broken his voice was, terrified of how exposed he now was, his emotions threatening to come to the surface. His lips trembled, his hands sweating and shaking. It took all the strength he had to wipe the physical signs of what that single hug was doing to him from his face.

He closed his eyes for a moment, pulling away when he finally managed to get a grip on himself, shielding himself behind Occlumency. Lily looked at him, a multitude of emotions flickering in her eyes before Severus forced himself to look away.

Lily took a step back, unnerved by the blank look in her friend's eyes. She gulped, he was unnerving when he did that; she wondered whether she had just imagined his voice breaking when he'd said her name.

'I… I'm sorry' she said, squirming with discomfort when his eyes rested on her once more. She swallowed; how could he look that emotionless? Indeed, she could consider it a miracle he had not shoved her aside. What had she been thinking? She shouldn't have hugged him.

She averted her eyes, because she knew what she had been thinking. But it didn't matter how much she had wanted to cling to the notion that he was yet to become evil, she really shouldn't have done that. He had been so stiff… Lily hadn't seen his expression, but his dead eyes were telling her that he obviously hadn't enjoyed that unexpected physical contact.

If he'd finally made up this mind... She could remember Rodolphus Lestrange making a scene when a first year Muggleborn had tripped on his robes, inadvertently touching him. Lily swallowed. Was that it, had he already gone that far? Was it because she was a… Mudblood? Lily, stopped right there, knowing full well that to dwell on that thought would mean to surely cry. She glanced at him, somewhat relieved when she found no sign of disgust in his dark eyes; but she also had no idea what he was thinking and in a manner of speaking that was even worse.

'I'm sorry, I-', she started and then stopped, the soulless expression on his face unbearable. She didn't know what to expect from him and that was driving her insane. Would he snap and tell her to stay away from him? That she didn't have any right to touch him? Wasn't that what they all said about people like her? She gulped, a tight knot forming on her stomach as she waited for him to say something, because at this point anything would be better than what she was thinking. Severus frowned.

'You are afraid of me' he said. It didn't sound like a question.

Lily flinched, her eyes bright as they met his. The strange thing was that he didn't look surprised, on the contrary, he seemed both sad and resigned. Alas, those emotions left his gaze as soon as he realised she was staring at him, leaving Lily wondering whether the sadness she had seen in his eyes had ever been there in the first place.

And yet how dare he accuse her of such a thing? She wasn't afraid of him, or at least not at all in the way he intended it. The Gryffindor in her should've been furious, but the truth was that, at that point, Lily didn't have much strength to be angry anymore.

'I'm not afraid of you' she argued, despite her lack of anger, clearly annoyed by the certainty of his statement. There was nothing scary about the thin boy standing before her, his robes hanging loosely on his skinny frame, his height nowhere near imposing. It was the looming shadow of his future self that scared her the most, the horrible man he was bound to become if he kept going down that path.

Lily felt her eyes prickle, her mouth twisting in a bitter grimace.

'Should I be? Are we still even friends? You know what I am and your greatest goal is to become one of those monsters. How long will it be before you start calling me Mudblood like they all do? You just-' she stopped, for his face had visibly whitened.

She opened her mouth to finish but closed it right away, because all of a sudden Severus looked ill. There was a pause and something seemed to change in those dark eyes of his. He took a deep, calming breath as his eyes found hers, his expression so serious that Lily froze.

'Please, don't use that word', he said, his voice so quiet and remorseful that Lily startled, 'There are no excuses for my past behaviour, but things are different now. I will not continue down that path. I'm no longer foolish enough to believe in his tales of power and glory. Everything he has to offer, I do not want it'

Lily stared at him in silence unable to look away, her heart skipping a beat as his lips moved once more.

'I will not join the Death Eaters, Lily. I give you my word'

Lily's heart stopped, the look in his eyes causing her to take a step back. No. She shook her head, her face paler than ever. He doesn't mean it, she told herself, her heart beating so fast that for a moment she feared he too might hear it.

'You don't mean it' she said, shaking her head, choking on her own words as she wrenched her eyes from him, unable to bear his gaze any longer. He's lying, she thought, repeating those two words like a mantra, no matter how much his expression seemed to suggest otherwise, no matter how much she wanted to believe him. She stared anxiously at him, her lips trembling.

'I do' he said, his eyes not leaving hers for a second.

Lily faltered, the colour draining from her face, furious with herself when she realised she was falling for that absurd lie, ignoring that something inside her heart was telling her that he wasn't indeed lying.

'I don't believe you' she forced herself to say, shaking her head in denial.

She stared at his haggard face, refusing to process what was happening, her anger quickly deflating when she realised that very much like he hadn't been surprised by her fear, he didn't look surprised by her lack of faith. Lily swallowed, her eyes taking in his whole figure and for the first time she wondered if it wasn't some really bad imposter she was facing, because the boy in front was acting nothing like the Severus she knew, the tired look in his eyes, foreign to his temperamental nature.

He didn't look outraged in front of her obvious disbelief, there was no trace of the anger she had been expecting. His reactions were all wrong. Indeed, for far from looking furious, Severus merely looked as though her incredulity didn't surprise him at all, as though it was to be expected. Lily shifted on her feet, his odd behaviour bringing her to question whether he had ever considered becoming a Death Eater in the first place, whether she hadn't just read the signs all wrong. It was enough to make her head spin.

'I mean what I said, Lily, this is not a game, nor a lie. I gave you my word and I shall keep it. My future does not lay within his ranks. Not now, not anymore' he said almost quietly.

Lily gulped, her face white as a sheet.

'N- Not anymore?', she repeated weakly, a grimace touching her pale face, her chest felling horribly tight.

She tried to swallow and failed, her eyes prickling. It was one thing to suspect the worse of him and another thing entirely to realise that her worst fears had been true. He had wanted to join him, he had considered it and probably given it much more thought that she was comfortable to admit. Lily wanted to hit him, to yell at him. She wasn't sure whether she should be sick he had had the gall to admit it or be thankful that he had. One thing was true, she no longer thought he was lying.

Severus sighed.

'No, not anymore' he repeated, his honesty almost unwelcome, for Lily had spent the last year of her life telling herself that Severus would snap out of it. Indeed, she'd hoped that in time she'd be able to sigh with relief and that, despite all the worrying signs, Severus would finally prove her wrong. Needless to say, there was no lying to herself now. The truth was a hard pill to swallow.

Lily took a deep breath and knowing she was just being stupid, she forced herself to look at him. A tight knot formed in the pit of her stomach, when she realised he was politely waiting for her answer, giving her the necessary time to process his confession.

She had been a horrible friend, hadn't she? She'd failed to make him see reason and more often than not had cowardly avoided any touchy subjects, but Sev… She stared at him with wide eyes. For the first time, it was as though Severus had realised just how wrong things were between them.

'Why? Why now?' she asked, her voice both strained and disheartened.

She should've questioned him; after all, hadn't she seen him hanging out with those horrible boys only three days before, talking about You-Know-Who and Death Eaters without a care in the world? She should've known that people didn't change their world views in barely more than forty-eight hours, but… Again, she couldn't bring herself to believe he was lying.

'I had a recent change of heart, one that is quite permanent'

She glanced at him, his expression so serious that her heart gave a hollow thud. She didn't dare to believe it, it was just too good to be true, she thought, wincing when his black eyes bored into hers, staring so intently at her that Lily thought he could've easily been staring into her very soul.

'If you do not trust me, I think you should know that there are safer… ways… to assure I will remain truthful to my word. Something much stronger than what might be perceived as empty words' he said reluctantly, his expression suddenly grave as their eyes met once more.

'No' she said, a horrified look crossing her face when she finally understood what he was implying, the seriousness of his gaze nearly startling her into silence. The thought that he believed she would even think about asking him to do such a thing… that she would want that of him…

'You don't mean it. It's sick, Severus. How can you even…', she bit her lower lip, looking at his tired face and growing quite uncomfortable when she noticed that he looked slightly confused.

Christ… It was as though he hadn't quite realised Lily would find it upsetting. As though it would be perfectly normal for her to ask him to perform some heinous Dark spell that would force him to remain truthful to his word. Something that would most likely kill him were he to break his vow.

'My apologies, it was just a suggestion' he said, nodding slightly in acknowledgment.

Lily stared at him, now positively frightened. God, what have they done to him? Did the Slytherins refuse to trust each other were they not bound to keep their word by Dark Magic? To suggest such a thing so casually… Had he done it before? Lily shot him another anxious look, feeling queasy.

'Sev… Your Slytherin friends… they didn't…', she stopped, her heart faltering when he looked at her, frowning. She took a deep breath. 'They… they haven't forced you to do anything like that… have they?' she finished, her palms feeling cold and sweaty. Severus blinked, his thin lips parting for the briefest of seconds before he let out a derisive scoff.

'No, their influence over my decisions is over. I am done doing their bidding. They can join the Death Eaters and get themselves killed for all I care', he said bitterly, 'They're all too young and foolish to know what's best for them anyway' he finished, his lips curling in a bitter grimace.

'Are you serious?' she asked, her voice much stronger than she felt.

'I am' he said, his gaze alone causing Lily to falter, those black eyes shaking her to the very core of her soul.

'You better not be lying! If you are, I swear I'll make you regret it' she threatened, the tension slowly leaving her body when he nodded again, his eyes never leaving hers, until all of a sudden, Lily's lips quivered, stretching in a happy smile.

The corner of his lips weakly twitched upwards upon hearing her threats, his eyes losing some of their darkness.

'Good' she said, the fierceness of her expression softened by the smile threating to break once again through her lips.

They stared at each other for a few moments and it wasn't long before, upon gazing into her eyes, Severus realised that what she had just given to him was a last chance. It was up to him to make sure she wouldn't come to regret it.

Severus frowned at the pile of books in front of him, his eyes perusing the shelves of the Restricted Section. He stretched out his hand, an irrational feeling of guilt lingering in the pit of his stomach. He wondered what Lily would have thought had she known he was there, she would not be happy, not after what he had just promised to her.

There was a reason why she had been afraid of his reading habits, that Severus knew. Indeed, the corruptive magic permeating those tomes was often dangerous to young wizards unfamiliar with the addictive power of Dark Magic. Severus' thin lips twisted in a grimace, the magic coming out from the darkest section of the Library causing a cold shiver to run down his spine. His younger body seemed to be much more sensitive to it, lingering for too long would be dangerous.

He couldn't help being annoyed by the knowledge. Indeed, it had been at the age of fifteen that Severus had quickly learnt that the reading of those books came with a price, a price he had been more than willing to pay in exchange for their precious knowledge. The thought itself had been thrilling; there was always a silent agreement. Dark Magic demanded sacrifices in exchange for violating the order of nature.

And yet, despite having grown accustomed to it, this body would not tolerate more than a few hours before becoming physically and magically exhausted. Indeed, whilst his mind still offered him the strength and resistance of a fully-grown wizard, not even the use of the Mind Arts would allow him a prolonged stay. Occlumency would only keep his mind from being allured and corrupted.

Severus sighed, the lure of the darkest book in the section struggling to sway him from his purpose. There wasn't anything in that Library that could worsen the state of his soul, but his recent encounter with death had left him in no shape to feed those books more energy than he could afford himself to lose. He stared at the books, until his eyes rested on a particularly battered tome. He brushed his fingers against its spine, his hairs bristling as the books around him seemed to maliciously whisper.

His thin fingers closed around it, his eyes narrowing when its foul magic crawled up his skin. His mouth thinned as he pulled it out of its shelf, his wand a mere inch from its cover. He started at it for a few moments, carefully removing the protective spells around it. Indeed, this particular book was so well protected that Severus doubted an average student would've been able to sneak it out of the shelf undetected.

He narrowed his eyes. Well, the title certainly seemed promising, he thought, looking at it slightly amused, his lips forming a small smirk. Lily wouldn't have approved, but Severus knew she would not understand that Dark Magic would not corrupt him; his sins not something he could ever forget. And indeed, as a man who had already seen so much darkness, there was very little in that Library that could tempt him to fall prey once again of his worst nature.

As understandable as Lily's worries had been, there was now very little any of those books could do to him. And despite the slight guilt he felt for finding himself there a few hours after his promise, Dumbledore hadn't given him more than a single word to help him with the Dark Lord. There was no guarantee that this Albus Dumbledore would be more straightforward than his future version had been or that he wouldn't deem him unworthy of something he must've clearly shared with Potter, Severus thought with a sneer.

He closed his eyes, resting his hand on the book cover, cringing when he sensed the powerful Dark Magic surrounding it. His heart tightened, despite all, a spark of excitement gleaming in his dark eyes.

Magick Moste Evil.

That was certainly an interesting reading, he thought, briefly wondering whether this was one of the books Dumbledore had removed.

He opened it, his fingers trembling with anticipation as he pointed his wand at it, the darkness of the night preventing him from reading the small writing.

"Lumos" he thought, squinting his eyes as his pupils adjusted to the wand light. He didn't even have to read past the introduction to find what he needed. He leaned closer, a deep line forming between his dark eyebrows before the worst kind of disappointed took hold of his features.

His mouth thinned, his lips curling in a sneer.

What a fucking waste of time…

'I tell you he's here, Padfoot, it's on the map!'

Severus' eyes widened, the book sloppily falling from his grasp as he hid in the shadows, immediately extinguishing the Lumos spell. He took a deep breath, furious with himself for being so careless, for having been caught off guard by a bunch of teenagers. He gritted his teeth, unwilling to accept that his body had reacted instinctively, immediately recognising those voices, his mind going back to memories of years of unpredictable ambushes and shameful bullying. So much for being a seasoned spy, Severus thought, furiously.

He shivered, his fingers twitching for his wand as an irrational rush of fear took hold of his body.

'I- I can't see him, James. Wh- what if he's invisible too? We- we're going to get caught!' whimpered Wormtail. Severus took a deep breath, Wormtail's fearful whisper helping him to get back to his senses; the grip on his wand slowly loosened.

He was decades older, he had more than twenty years of experience over any of them. They could not even dream of overpowering him, not even if they attacked him together. He pressed his back against the cold wall, the faint sound of footsteps the only thing suggesting their growing proximity.

'Oh, shut it, Peter. Snivellus can't even afford a new pair of shoes for his greasy feet, let alone a cloak. Have you seen his filthy uniform? It has holes in it' Potter said boldly, the sound of parchment causing Severus' eyes to reduce to slits, his teeth now bared.

Of course… He had forgotten about the bloody map, a map he hadn't even know they had had until a few years before, he thought, now properly enraged, his eyes falling on the book he had dropped.

'What if he doesn't need a cloak? He might've learned a Dark Spell or something' Pettigrew whispered, letting out a shrilly cry when a book nearby moaned.

'Come on, Wormtail, don't be thick. Dad says it's not until seventh year that they teach us how to spell ourselves invisible, not than we need it. You think Snape can do that? It's way too advanced, it gets Aurors a few years before they can do it right', Potter said importantly, 'I bet Evans can do it alright'.

Black groaned, sounding both annoyed and exasperated; Potter did not seem to notice.

'He said she asked him to meet him, Padfoot. I bet the slimy git was lying, it's either that or he has her Confunded' Potter said solemnly, earning himself another exasperated huff.

'I don't know what you see in her, Prongs. Sure, she's pretty, but the school's full of nice chicks. She's got a nasty temper, that one, squashing all the fun out of us. She hasn't got an ounce of humour and-'

'And she hates you' added Wormtail, sucking in a sharp breath as soon as he realised what he had just said. 'Sorry, James, I didn't mean…'

'That's right. You see, Prongs, even Wormtail gets it' said Black, the arrogance in his voice causing Severus to sneer.

Black the teenager was starting to get on his nerves. Where was Filch when he needed him? Wandering in the corridors in the dead of the night… Had he still been a teacher he would've put them in detention for the rest of their lives.

'Nah, she doesn't. She likes me, Wormtail. Remember Potions class? She was smiling'

The corner of Severus' mouth twisted in an ugly grimace.

'Really? I was under the impression she was scowling' Black scoffed, 'She's not worth it. Have you seen the way she looks at me? Acting as though she's Miss Bloody Perfect. I don't know how Moony can stand her for more than a minute. Personally, I wouldn't trust anyone willing to spend a whole evening with Snivellus. Confunded my arse…'

The steps came to a halt, the air growing thick as Wormtail took a step back, his eyes darting between his friends.

'What the fuck, Padfoot? She's just Confunded, you can't actually think she enjoys spending time with that bastard. He's playing her like a fiddle. She just doesn't know any better. Aren't you worried he'll do something to her?'

'Actually, no, I'm not the one obsessed with her. But you're right about Snivellus, he's up to something. Where is he? He should be here; the map's never wrong. The Restricted Section… I should've known that greasy odd ball was up to no good, acting all superior just because…', Severus stiffened, his fingers twitching as the sound of footsteps came to a halt.

'J- James? Sirius? L- look!'

A pale hand emerged out of nowhere, small fingers pointing at the book on the floor before a bespectacled boy appeared out of thin air, kneeling just a couple of feet from him. Potter… Severus thought, staring down his hooked nose at him. Potter looked around, pointing his wand at the book.

'James, Sirius? I don't think that's a good-', but Potter was not listening. A second later Black too appeared out of thin air, resting the folded cloak on his arm Wormtail's watery eyes darted frantically in the darkness as he stared at his foolish friends.

'James, I have a bad feeling about this' he whinged, but once again, the boys ignored him.

'Lumos'

From the tip of Potter's wand appeared a small sphere of light. Oblivious to Severus' silent stare, Potter leaned closer and started to read. Severus stepped closer; years spent prowling the corridors at night making his steps completely silent. He adjusted the grip on his black wand, weighing his options, his body still covered by dark shadows; then hesitated for a moment, watching as Potter's face whitened.

'This book… Peter's right, whatever Snape's doing he's up to is no good. Do you think we should talk to Dumbledore? This book shouldn't even be here, Sirius'

'Maybe Dumbledore just missed it. If you think it's sick you should see what kind of books my mother collects' he scoffed, disdainfully.

'Horcrux…', he said slowly, causing Severus' hairs to bristle.

'What?' Black interjected.

'I don't know. Someone bothered to underline it, but the ink looks years old. Have you heard this word before?' Potter asked, looking up at his friends. Black's expression darkened as he glared at his best mate.

'Do I look like a Dark Wizard to you?' he barked, his eyes flashing with annoyance. Wormtail shrunk.

'Wh- what's… What's a horcr- a… horcrux?' he asked, looking between his friends, his face whitening by the minute. Potter furrowed his brow.

'I don't know. All it says is: of the Horcrux, wickedest of magical inventions, we shall not speak nor give direction. I mean it doesn't even-', he stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes widening when they rested on Severus' dark wand. He looked up, his face whitening with fear when he set his eyes on Severus' dark ones. Potter's fingers twitched, but it was too late.

'Obliviate'

Potter's eyes rolled backwards as he fell on the ground, followed by his two friends. Severus looked down at them, rescuing the book from the unconscious boy's grasp. His eyes flickered to the cloak, Wormtail's hand still closed on their bloody map. There had been a time where he would've relished in that scene, his childhood tormentors resting helplessly at his feet, but the truth was that Severus found no joy in what had happened.

He had allowed himself to be followed, risking their life as well as his own. What would've happened hadn't he noticed their presence? Had he been unable to Obliviate them all? Still scowling, Severus restored the protective spells on the book, his eyes resting on the boys one last time before he finally left the Library.