Elizabeth sat in front of her class as they wrote their essays on "What Coal Valley Means To Me." She had been following her instincts on how best to inspire the children to find hope even as they coped with the loss of their fathers and the grief and fearfulness that came with it. What she'd discovered during her time in Coal Valley was that these children loved the town they lived in. It was all most of them had ever known, and to them, the tragedy of the mine disaster only served to make them cling to home more tightly.
She smiled, listening to the absolute quiet in the room except for the scratching of pencils. They were bent over their workbooks, writing avidly, and Elizabeth felt their connection to the assignment and their need to express this most basic of loves, the love of place.
To her right was the round table with the youngest children, who weren't writing their essays in words, but in pictures. Allie sat among them, and Elizabeth smiled again. It had only been three days since she'd joined the class, and she was already establishing herself. Allie was the youngest in the whole room, but as Elizabeth had suspected, she had an understanding of complex ideas that was more advanced than some of the five-year-olds from the farms. And when she didn't understand, she didn't fidget or disrupt the class. She simply drew on her slate or on paper, or she sat back and watched and listened to Elizabeth, which was something she clearly loved to do.
Also sitting with Allie was a little girl of eight, Rosaleen Sullivan. She had her mother's striking red hair, a sprinkling of freckles and an unfailingly sweet disposition. She was sitting up front because she could see the blackboard better, but Elizabeth suspected that Rosaleen also felt comfortable there.
Rosaleen hadn't spoken a word since her father, Patrick, had died in the mine over three months ago. Her grief was so palpable, it was like a shield around her, and she sat inside it, in silence.
Eight-year-olds were generally very gregarious and chatty, and Elizabeth knew that Rosaleen had felt out of place among them, so she'd asked her if she would sit with the younger children in order to help them with their drawings. Rosaleen was already quite an accomplished artist for her age, and Elizabeth knew there were so many words in that little head of hers. She just had to figure out why she couldn't say them out loud.
Elizabeth had actually met Rosaleen's mother, Molly, through Nathan. By the time Elizabeth arrived in Coal Valley, Nathan was already well-acquainted with some of the mothers of the town because of Allie, and Elizabeth had met Molly on one of the first times she was returning a book to the "Mountie library."
While Rosaleen sat on the floor with Allie and her toys in the Mountie office, Molly had taken Elizabeth outside and whispered fervently to her about what a joyful child Rosaleen had been before her father died.
"She so loved her father, Patrick. Every day she'd take his lunch pail to him and the two of them..." Molly shook her head slightly as the tears came to her eyes. "...the two of them, Patrick so big and little Rosaleen, they'd sit at the entrance of the mine and she'd laugh with him. She hasn't spoken since that day." Now Molly looked desperately into Elizabeth's eyes. "You're a teacher, you can help her, can't you? You must know some way we can reach her."
Elizabeth had been overwhelmed by Molly's grief, and before she thought it through, she'd said, "We'll find a way." She'd put her arms around Molly Sullivan right there on the boardwalk in front of the Mountie office and made what amounted to a promise she had no idea how to keep.
Elizabeth had gone to supper at Molly's hoping to see something that would give her a way to reach Rosaleen, but even in her own home, the little girl didn't speak a word.
The bell rang on the alarm clock Elizabeth kept on her desk to time the children for tests and essays. They were slow to put down their pencils, which always made Elizabeth happy.
"Alright, class, pencils down, please, and bring your workbooks up to my desk. Once you've done that, you may go outside and enjoy the sunshine, and I'll see you all tomorrow!"
As she said the words, her heart started beating just a little faster, because she knew what would come next. And there he was, right on time, standing in the doorway. He smiled and she returned it. Then she thought she would have a little fun, so she said, grinning, "And children, on your way out, please say hello to Mountie Nathan. Let him know how much we appreciate the way he protects our town."
Nathan narrowed his eyes at her, but he was soon overwhelmed with the good wishes of twenty children; shaking hands, nodding, and tipping his hat to them as he stepped inside the saloon to avoid being run over.
Once the crowd had thinned, Nathan walked between the tables toward her. "Well, that was fun. Let's do that every day," he said, making a face at her and removing his hat.
Elizabeth giggled. "I just thought it was time we showed some appreciation for our Mountie."
Nathan looked at her with soft eyes. "I feel very appreciated," he said quietly.
He looked to his left and saw that Allie was still working hard at her drawing, and Rosaleen was still sitting with her doing the same. Nathan walked over and sat down next to Allie. "What are you drawing, Allie?" he asked.
Allie pushed it around in front of him. He thought it might be the main road of the town with buildings on both sides. There were animals, horses, he thought, and wagons. A large square with squiggles looked to be the Mountie office sign and under it a man in red. Nathan smiled. "That is a wonderful picture of..."
He looked up at Elizabeth and she whispered, "Coal Valley."
"...Coal Valley," Nathan said. Allie grinned at him and jumped into his arms to give him a hug. "You are quite the little artist," Nathan said, hugging her back.
Elizabeth sighed. There was nothing sweeter than watching Nathan and Allie together. Elizabeth always had a picture in her mind of two drifting boats that had found each other and held fast. The more she got to know both of them, the more she knew that although they had unspoken grief and memories they couldn't reconcile, the two of them were so strong together.
Allie took the picture back from Nathan and sat down to finish it. Elizabeth smiled, shaking her head. Allie had been in the classroom, except for recess, for nearly five hours, and she still didn't want to leave. Elizabeth thought it would be a privilege to watch her grow and learn. She knew she already loved her spirit and intelligence, and now she was beginning to realize how very attached she'd become to Allie in a short time.
Rosaleen was still at the table, too, finishing up her drawing, when Molly came to the saloon door. "Rosaleen, come sweet love," she said, walking toward her, "Momma has some shopping to do." Elizabeth saw the change in Rosaleen as she quickly sat upright and covered her drawing furtively with another piece of paper. She gathered her things and then brought the still-covered drawing up to Elizabeth.
There was a look in her eyes, not of fear, but almost pleading, as she handed the drawing to Elizabeth. It felt as if she didn't want her mother to see it, and Elizabeth nodded silently and took it from her. Rosaleen gave her a tiny smile and then turned and took her mother's hand. "Don't forget your lunch pail," Elizabeth called out. "And we'll see you tomorrow, Rosaleen."
Elizabeth slowly moved the piece of paper that was covering the drawing, and she exhaled. It was a picture of the entrance to the mine, and there was a little girl with red hair holding a lunch pail. Alone, with no father in sight.
Just as Molly had described. Every day Rosaleen would take her father's lunch to him and they would sit together while he ate it. That was Coal Valley to Rosaleen. And Elizabeth realized that this sweet eight-year-old no longer felt a connection to the town or the people in it because her father was no longer here.
Elizabeth's heart broke for her, and she sat heavily down into her chair. Nathan saw it, and moved quickly over to her desk. "Elizabeth. What is it?"
She put her head in her hands and felt tears coming. Every day she saw the eyes of the children who were having the hardest time and she simply didn't know what the answer was. And somehow she felt it was her responsibility to find it.
"I can't..." she started, and Nathan could see how upset she was. He brought a chair around and sat next to her, putting his hand lightly on her shoulder. She looked at him, her eyes filled with tears. "I can't make it better for them, Nathan. They all miss their fathers so much."
He nodded, feeling the familiar clench in his own heart. He remembered what Abigail had said to him, "Grief recognizes grief." Nathan saw it everywhere he looked in Coal Valley. It simultaneously made him feel helpless and also not so alone.
"They need to find their own way, Elizabeth. You give them a safe place to do that. It's a great gift," Nathan said softly. Elizabeth looked into his eyes, knowing that he wasn't just speaking about the children, and the tender feelings she had for him expanded another notch.
Nathan reached up and brushed a tear from her cheek. "Don't cry, Lizbeth," he said softly, emphasizing her name the way he knew she liked it. He smiled at her and touched another tear that had reached the corner of her mouth. He held his thumb there for a moment, and they both had the same thought. So close and we still haven't kissed.
Nathan had spent the last two days closing out the investigation of the stagecoach robbery. The robbers had hit another stage just five days later, and that, coupled with evidence Nathan had collected from the scene, was enough to put the men in prison for a while. It meant Nathan had been called as a witness in the trial in Murrayville, so he'd had long days riding back and forth, and Allie had happily stayed with Abigail and Elizabeth.
Of course, the money and almost all the jewelry they'd stolen from Elizabeth was long gone, but Nathan did bring back a pair of earrings and a necklace that they hadn't managed to pawn before they were caught. He surprised Elizabeth with them when he'd come to pick Allie up last night, and she was wearing both today.
Nathan reached up and touched one of her earrings. "These look much better on you than they did in that evidence pouch," he said, smiling.
Elizabeth sniffled and reached into her desk drawer for a handkerchief. "Thank you for getting them for me. I'm surprised at how much it means to have just a little piece of myself back." She touched the necklace. "And as I was going to sleep last night, I realized that if they hadn't taken them from me in the robbery, I wouldn't have them at all because they would have been lost in the teacherage." She smiled a little and looked at Nathan. "So, that's a blessing."
Nathan moved a stray curl from her cheek and tucked it behind her ear. "You're a wonder, Elizabeth. You find the good in everything." She saw his eyes cloud for just a split second. "Even me."
Capturing his hand with her own before he pulled it away from her hair, Elizabeth said softly, "But that's so easy. There so much good in you."
Nathan took a deep breath and felt himself moving closer to her. Elizabeth looked over at Allie and raised an eyebrow. Not to mention, Tom Trevoy had just walked from the back room to begin setting up behind the bar.
Sighing, Nathan took her hand and put it to his lips. "We need to spend some time alone," he said. There was a slow fire going in his eyes and it made Elizabeth a little weak in the knees. She was glad she wasn't standing right now.
Elizabeth couldn't look away, nor did she want to. "You promised me riding lessons," she said softly.
Nathan smiled and raised an eyebrow. "How about now?"
Elizabeth's eyes went wide and it pulled her out of the lovely dream state she'd been inhabiting for the last few minutes. "Now?" She looked at the pile of workbooks on her desk. "I have eighteen essays to grade tonight," she said.
"Priorities, Miss Thatcher," Nathan said, releasing her hand and pushing back his chair. "Perhaps that means you don't get to write about me in your journal until the wee hours of the morning..."
Elizabeth's mouth dropped open. "I do not..." She closed her mouth and said, "How do you know I write about you in my journal at all?" she said indignantly.
Nathan put his hat back on his head and looked sideways at her. "You told Abigail you thought I was charming... Isn't that what young women write about in their journals?" He was starting to laugh, and Elizabeth couldn't stay serious.
"I might have mentioned you... once or twice," she said, gathering up her things.
Nathan went over to Allie and said, "Time to go, sweetie. Meatloaf for dinner tonight. You love meatloaf." He looked over at Elizabeth and she was narrowing her eyes a little. "What?" he said.
"I was wondering how pathetic it would be to not only be getting riding lessons from a Mountie, but also cooking lessons. Meatloaf? I don't even know what that is."
Nathan laughed, picking up Allie's bookbag. "It's exactly what it sounds like. You take leftover meat, whatever you have, chop it up, and mix it with eggs and breadcrumbs and bake it in the oven. It's delicious," he said. Nathan looked around the saloon which was empty except for Tom stacking glasses behind the bar. "I've been meaning to ask you. Does our need to avoid gossip include a parent asking his child's teacher over for dinner? Didn't you say you've been to Molly's and Cat's in that capacity?"
Elizabeth laughed and shook her head. "If this Mountie thing doesn't work out, you might consider practicing law, Constable. That's a pretty flawless argument for getting me over to your house for dinner."
"Is that a yes?" Nathan said, eyebrows raised. "If it is, that was a lot easier than I thought it would be."
"Let's start with riding lessons," Elizabeth said. "Then we can revisit the idea of dinner."
Nathan laughed. "I thought you might say that. Fine. Lessons start tomorrow, after school. But I'm not giving up on dinner."
"I'm counting on that," Elizabeth said, smiling at him from under her lashes.
Nathan put his arm around Allie and swung her small book bag over his shoulder. He reached a hand out to Elizabeth. "May I carry your books home from school, Miss Thatcher?"
She nodded and handed him her large basket filled with the essays she needed to grade tonight. "Thank you, Constable," she said softly.
When they reached Abigail's, Nathan handed Elizabeth her basket and took hold of her hand. For a moment, Elizabeth thought he might actually kiss her. The intention was there, but she had a feeling that he knew, as she did, that it wouldn't be quick. And here they were, so visible to the path and all the row houses. He looked deeply into her eyes and said, "One of these days..."
Elizabeth smiled, her heart beating faster. "I know."
Just then, Carla Noonan came around the corner with Jacob. Nathan let go of Elizabeth's hand and they both stepped back. This was the worst time of day for any kind of privacy on Abigail's steps, and Elizabeth and Nathan both knew it. In fact, right behind Carla were two of the men from the mine, covered in coal dust.
Nathan exhaled and then laughed. He gave her one last look and started backing away. "Well, don't stay up too late with your journal..."
"...my essays..." she said, raising an eyebrow.
Nathan's crooked smile made her take a deep breath. "Oh, right, your essays..." he said.
Elizabeth laughed. "Allie, let me know how the meatloaf is, okay?" Allie nodded. That was one word she knew very well.
"I'll see you tomorrow," Elizabeth said as they started down the path.
Nathan turned and looked at her, his eyes soft. "Yes. You will," he said. Then he turned and put his arm around Allie and started asking her about her day at school. Elizabeth watched as the two of them chattered away until they walked up their steps and Nathan turned and waved.
Thursday 15th September
Today, it almost happened. I know it almost happened three days ago too, but today he actually spoke about it. Well, not really spoke about it, but I knew what he meant. "One of these days" he said. And I said, "I know." And his eyes were on my lips while he said it, just as they do in my books.
That is possibly the most romantic conversation I've ever had in my life, and we never really said a thing. But I found I could hardly breathe. Breathless.
How many times have I read about first kisses? But now that it's Constable Nathan Grant, and it's my lips he's looking at, it's so different...
I'm starting to understand the state of mind of some of my favorite heroines. I knew what they were saying, but what they were feeling had always eluded me, although I loved the language they used to describe it. Breathless. It's not hyperbole. It's literal. And all that melting they do, and blushing, and losing track of time. It's all real.
So what that tells me, that I will only share here, is that I've never been in love before. I've felt attraction and infatuation, but not love.
And I will stop there, because the next sentence is too much for me to write. But I find myself brazenly wishing "One of these days" will come soon. Very soon.
Perhaps tomorrow.