When Elizabeth and Julie were little girls and they were afraid, they used to play a game called "the bright side." It was always a funny game, where they would think of the terrible scrapes that their heroines would get into, and try to find the happier notes: At least she didn't fall off the cliff! And they would dissolve into fits of laughter together.
As Elizabeth huddled with Rosaleen under their two blankets, she was surprised at how many bright sides she could find. She had found Rosaleen. They were warm. She'd told Ned where she was going. Nathan wouldn't rest until he found them.
She knew the last point was absolutely true. Somehow, some way, at some time, Elizabeth knew that she would hear Nathan's voice on the other side of the pile of wood, rocks, and dirt that was keeping them from stepping out of this cold, dark shaft.
Elizabeth had read once about sensory deprivation. How when all sounds, sights, and feelings were removed, the mind could roam freely. The darkness around her was of a type she had never experienced, even in sleep. It was so complete and disorienting that she found it was easier to simply keep her eyes closed.
Rosaleen was finally sleeping, warm in her arms under the blankets. The little girl had attached herself to Elizabeth immediately and now still clung tightly, even in sleep. They had talked for a long while together, and Elizabeth had been right about all the words Rosaleen had stuck in her head. She thought she might have spoken three month's-worth in the hours they'd sat here.
Rosaleen had confirmed what Elizabeth thought, as she tearfully recounted the day of the disaster. "I… I... didn't... bring him his lunch. That day, Anna asked me to play, I wanted to play and I didn't bring him his lunch. Then the boom came."
Elizabeth had held Rosaleen tightly, rocking her back and forth as she cried. She knew that part of being a child and having a limited understanding of the complexities of life meant that children often thought things beyond their control were of their doing.
"Sweetheart," Elizabeth had whispered softly, "It is not your fault that your daddy lost his life in this mine."
Then Rosaleen expressed her fear, and Elizabeth knew why she had covered up her drawing when Molly had come into the schoolroom. "But what will mommy say when she finds out I didn't bring him his lunch?"
Elizabeth held her tighter, feeling her own heart breaking. Not only was Rosaleen carrying the guilt of having not done enough, but she was also lost in the fear that her mother, the only person she had left, would think less of her for it. No wonder Rosaleen had retreated into silence. Guilt and fear had been gripping her in a stranglehold.
"Rosaleen, listen to me," Elizabeth said firmly. "Your mother loves you so much. When she sees you again, she will tell you that she loves you more than life itself. The whole town is out looking for you. We all love you. And it wasn't your fault. Sometimes..." Elizabeth felt the tears coursing down her own cheeks, "...sometimes, things just happen, and we have to know that God has a greater plan than ours. You are so loved, sweetheart."
Rosaleen had calmed then, and they'd whispered to each other for a long time in the darkness.
Elizabeth had found Allie's mouse in the pocket of her skirt, and Rosaleen talked about how much she liked the carvings that Constable Grant made for Allie, and how much she cared for the other students, and how she had heard and enjoyed every lesson Elizabeth had taught.
It was such a joy to finally have access to Rosaleen's mind, that for a time, Elizabeth had tried to imagine it was just like the late nights talking to Julie in the dark. Instead of a cold coal mine that creaked ominously and offered up all sorts of terrors if one thought about it too much, Elizabeth imagined she was in the large feather bed, whispering with her sister. It worked for a while.
But now, hours later, Elizabeth could no longer pretend. She was so frightened and stiff and thirsty that she began to cry again softly, not wanting to wake Rosaleen.
She spent quite a while talking to God, and asking Him to guide Nathan to her. She made the promises that people make to God when they think they might have finally gone too far, or done too much, or trusted a false sense of safety in a dangerous world. What she promised most fervently was to not take things for granted anymore. A view of the sunset, clean air to breathe, warmth and the love that she knew was all around her. Allie and the other children. Molly and Cat and Abigail. And Nathan.
She had fallen off of a horse today. Although it seemed as if days had passed since that time, she realized it had only been late this afternoon. And what had happened afterwards had felt so wonderful and exciting and right, that she could still bring up the joy of it, even now in this dark mine.
For those long moments they'd held each other in the middle of the road, his lips warm on hers while her senses whirled, Elizabeth realized it felt like just another version of home. Not a place, but a state of being, as if being in Nathan's arms was where all her journeys had been leading all along.
And in the long hours as she waited with her back leaned up against the wall of the mine, Elizabeth remembered her conversation with Nathan about fate and destiny. About how one tiny move can change your future and then lead to another change and another. What if she had taken one of the other offers of employment she'd received? A larger town, not so far west? Would there have been a Mountie there who would have caught her as she fell off a horse? Would she have been on a horse at all?
What if Nathan had chosen Cape Fullerton instead of Coal Valley? Elizabeth smiled, remembering their conversation about what Mountie Jack's library would look like. No matter how hard she tried, Elizabeth couldn't see another Mountie in that office, in that uniform, in Coal Valley. In her arms.
Elizabeth hadn't been able to write it in her journal, but she could say it in her head now, in this dark place that held so many terrors. She had never wanted to be thought of as one of those silly girls who fall in love at the drop of a hat. Julie had that tendency, but Elizabeth was the sensible sister, like Elinor Dashwood. And, she thought, sighing, even Elinor had fallen in love.
Where was Nathan now? Had he discovered she was missing? Had he talked to Ned? Of course he wouldn't rest until they'd found Rosaleen, and Rosaleen was here with her. In the darkness, Elizabeth could see his face so clearly, his eyes, translucent and so blue. What was he feeling right now?
That kiss hadn't been one-sided. She felt the now-familiar tingles down the back of her neck as she remembered, and a phrase materialized in her mind. Still waters run deep. Kissing him had opened up a whole new side of Nathan to Elizabeth. He'd been right on the edge of control, passionate, his caution and reticence gone, and she'd had a small look into the complexity she'd always known was a part of him.
And what about that moment she'd seen as he rushed toward her? Now she had time to think it through and to analyze why she'd been so certain, on an intuitive level, that he'd not only lost his sister, but he'd watched it happen. It was because she'd not only seen him afraid for her, she'd seen him remembering. It was exactly the same look she'd seen earlier, as she imagined some horror replaying behind his eyes.
Rosaleen stirred a little, and Elizabeth had a moment of understanding. Guilt and fear. That was the look she'd seen, and now that she knew Nathan better, she knew that if something happened and he'd been unable to prevent it, he would feel he should have.
Thinking back to Elinor Dashwood and the men in Austen's story, Elizabeth realized that she'd always preferred the ones with quiet passion, like Colonel Brandon or Edward. Willoughby held no interest with her, because she never fully trusted a man who performed for others. Nathan never performed; and she could even say he might go a little too far in the other direction. But what he had shown her of himself today was worth every moment of wondering what he was thinking.
Elizabeth breathed deeply. She wanted to kiss him again. She wanted the porch swing he had talked about on his family ranch. She wanted to hear the story of his life in all its joy and pain. She wanted sunsets and rides on horses out to meadows where they could lie in each other's arms and talk for hours. She wanted Nathan.
She loved him.
He could hardly keep a thought in his head, he was so afraid of losing her. Newton's mane was flying back as he raced out to the mine, and any sleepiness Nathan had felt just minutes ago was long gone. The adrenaline was coursing through his veins at such a rate that he felt his heart beating even over the wind in his ears and Newton's hoofs pounding the dirt below him. He was praying harder than he ever had in his life. Please God, let her be safe.
His lantern from the search had still been hanging off of Newton's saddle when he'd stopped for coffee. He reached the mine and lit it again, calling out, frantically, "Elizabeth!" There was no sign of her, and he ran quickly into the mineshaft.
Nathan had to keep pushing away the thought of Elizabeth walking into this dark place alone and how afraid she must have been. What he'd wanted to talk to her about when he started to leave the saloon was Rosaleen's picture. He'd seen that it was the entrance to the mine, and although he didn't know the full story, he, too, had thought there might be a chance that Rosaleen would come here.
"Elizabeth!" he called out, as loudly as he could, ignoring the sprinkling of dirt from the ceiling that was dislodged even by the vibrations of his voice. And with that terrifying evidence, the thought came again. Forty-seven men died in this mine when it collapsed.
It began to feel more frightening to call out so loudly, so Nathan consciously calmed himself. The echo in the shaft was enough to send his voice quite a long way, so he spoke softer and listened.
And suddenly, he realized that he'd been using this lantern for hours. The fire on the mantle began to sputter and he reached down to turn the wheel to raise it up. When he did, the lantern went out completely. It was out of oil, and Nathan was abruptly plunged into a darkness that was deeper than any he'd ever seen.
Except... there was a glow so faint that he had to wait for his eyes to adjust to fully see it. He dropped his lantern and put his hands out in front of him to make sure he didn't run into anything, but he thought it might be getting just a tiny bit brighter.
Soon, he could make out a shaft to the right and he could see just a faint view of the mine floor. He could run now, and it got brighter and brighter, until he saw the lantern, still lit on the ground next to a pile of wood, dirt and rocks. He looked behind him, realizing that this shaft was much too short.
His mouth opened, but he couldn't say her name this time. In horror, he pushed away the picture that leapt to his mind of Elizabeth under that pile, and concentrated on the one of her on the other side of it.
Finally, he choked out her name. "Elizabeth!" and as he said it, he heard the fear in his own voice, and the sob that was right on its heels.
Elizabeth's eyes flew open, although there was still nothing to see. She thought she might have imagined it, but she called out, "Nathan!"
Rosaleen woke up with a start and clutched Elizabeth tighter. "Stay here, sweetheart," Elizabeth said gently, and she stood, scraping her hands along the rough wall until she reached the place where the shaft had collapsed.
"Nathan," she screamed again, ignoring the dust that fell from the ceiling as she did it. "Nathan! We're in here!"
She's alive. Now Nathan felt a tear run hotly down his cheek as he called out again, and he started to pull at the things he could free up from the collapse. Thank you, God, now please help me. Please.
Elizabeth saw just the tiniest sliver of light as it pierced through the darkness, creating an infinitesimal beam that caught the motes of dust in the air. She moved her mouth toward it and called out, "Nathan!" She was sobbing now and it was a cry more than a shout, but then she heard his voice clearly, and the beam of light widened.
Elizabeth could see her hands in front of her and she got closer to the small hole and reached her fingers through it, calling his name. Then the hole got wider still and she gasped as she felt his fingers come around hers, warm and strong and feeling like salvation.
"Are you alright? You're not hurt?" Nathan's voice was so filled with emotion, Elizabeth could hardly recognize it, but she knew that hers was the same as she answered.
"Yes, we're fine. I have Rosaleen. We're both fine." She squeezed his fingers gratefully. "I'm so glad you're here. It was so dark, Nathan..." and then her voice broke into sobs as the long, dreadful hours finally took their toll on her.
"Lizbeth," he said softly, feeling an actual pain in his heart as he heard her cry. And then Elizabeth heard a shift in his voice, to that of the Mountie, now in charge and ready to make things right.
"I can't do this alone, Elizabeth. I need to go for help. These beams are too heavy for one person, and I'm afraid it will collapse more. I'll go get some of the miners to come and help shore this up so we can get you out safely."
"No!" she said frantically, whispering through her sobs. "What if you don't come back?"
Nathan could hear the raw terror in her voice. "I will always come back," he said, his voice soft but with an undercurrent of steel in it. She felt his lips, warm and trembling, on her fingers, and then he said firmly, "I'm leaving the lantern. Move away from here, Elizabeth, just in case more falls. I'll be back as fast as I can."
"Please hurry," she whispered, and with every ounce of his strength, Nathan let go of her fingers. He turned at a run and for a while could see the shaft in front of him, but finally, as he turned back into the main shaft, it was completely dark. He kept his hand on the wall next to him, scraping and cutting the skin of his palms without feeling it. At one point he tripped over something and realized it was the lantern he had abandoned. He picked it up as he got back to his feet and kept going.
As he started feeling that he was getting close, he began calling Newton, and Nathan heard him whinny softly, and then saw him in the ambient light of the moon outside, walking toward him.
Nathan led Newton out of the shaft and jumped on him, pressing his heels firmly into his flanks, and Newton ran, all of his training recognizing Nathan's urgency. Luckily, Herbert Ansvil was walking his path toward home with a lantern, and Nathan called out to him. "Elizabeth and Rosaleen are in the mine, the second shaft on the right, they're behind a collapse. I'm getting more men." Herbert nodded and started off running.
Within minutes, Nathan had gathered ten men with lanterns and the news was traveling among the women out in the meadow that Rosaleen had been found. Molly came running, and although she was completely exhausted, she pleaded with Nathan to take her to her daughter. A couple of the men boosted her up onto Newton and Nathan turned back toward the mine holding her tightly in the saddle with him.
Molly sobbed in front of him. "She's alright? She's not hurt? Oh, thank the sweet Lord, my dear girl..."
"Elizabeth is with her, Molly. We'll have them out quickly," Nathan said. All around them, townspeople were heading toward the mine with lanterns. He rode Newton hard all the way back and by the time they got there, the main shaft was ablaze with light from the men going in to shore up the collapse.
Nathan led Molly to where they were, and they had to stand back while the men worked. But through the noise and commotion, Molly could hear a voice she hadn't heard in more than three months. A voice that gave her so much joy she almost collapsed under the weight of it.
"Mommy!" It was Rosaleen's voice, calling out high and loud over the voices of the miners.
"Oh my dear one!" Molly called out, as Nathan held her back from running toward her little girl.
Within just a few minutes, there was enough space for Elizabeth to hand Rosaleen through a wide opening cleared by the men. She ran, sobbing, to her mother. "Mommy, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I wanted to bring daddy his lunch!"
Molly wrapped her arms around Rosaleen, clutching her tightly, mixing their tears together on Rosaleen's cheeks as she kissed her over and over. "Oh, my sweet girl, my dear little one, I love you so much. I love you. I love you."
They were quickly surrounded by Cat, Florence and Abigail, who had rushed in to help. They enclosed Molly and Rosaleen into a sort of cocoon and began walking them out into the fresh air.
Abigail stayed behind and took Nathan's arm. She looked into his eyes and could see that he was completely spent, breathing deeply, his gaze focused only on the rapidly opening space in the rubble.
Abigail stood with him, watching, with her arm through his. She felt she might actually be helping him a little to stand, and she was happy to do it. She'd never seen a man more terrified. Or, Abigail thought, more in love.
Nathan saw her curls first, as she bent almost double to get through the space they'd cleared. He felt tears spring to his eyes as she looked up, tear-stained, covered in coal dust and a look in her eyes that he'd seen before with Mounties who had been through an ordeal that was beyond immediate description.
Without hesitating, they went silently into each other's arms and he held her as she sobbed. He closed his eyes and it took him back to the night they stood in the light of the fire in the teacherage. But he knew so much more of her now.
Elizabeth was incredibly strong, but she had her limit. He stroked her hair and whispered to her that everything was okay and he was here with her, but his own terror at possibly losing her was still so fresh and raw that he was taking as much comfort from her as he was giving.
Little by little, the men walked away, knowing that tomorrow would be soon enough to repair the shaft. The women, except for Abigail, had followed Molly.
Still they stood, not moving, oblivious to everyone around them. Abigail quietly left her lantern on the floor of the shaft and walked into the light the others were carrying, leaving them finally alone.
Nathan opened his eyes and looked around, and then took Elizabeth's face in both of his hands. "I was so afraid I was going to lose you," he said, his voice rough. He bent to kiss her, tasting the salt of her tears and feeling her lips trembling under his. She put her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, channeling all of the terror and uncertainty of the long dark hours into the warmth and comfort of his kiss, completely letting go into his care.
"I knew you'd come," she said finally, as she put her head on his chest.
"Always," he said softly, as he picked up the lantern and began to walk her down the long shaft toward home.