Elizabeth awoke to a shudder and for a moment she thought the train was slowing again. She opened her eyes and she was turned on her side facing Nathan, who was lying on his back. They'd finally gotten to sleep after four in the morning and she was feeling a little disoriented.
In wonder, Elizabeth watched as a tear slowly left the corner of Nathan's eye and moved down his cheek.
"Nathan?" she said softly, reaching up to touch it gently.
His hand moved up quickly and brushed across his face, leaving only a light track of moisture that glistened in the sun coming through the window.
"I didn't mean to wake you," he said, his voice thick. He turned to her. "Did I... " he paused, blinking, as she raised her hand to his cheek. "Did I... shout, or make a sound?"
"No," she said gently, shaking her head. "Nothing. Did you have a bad dream?"
Nathan exhaled deeply. "I've been having them... since Colleen..." He looked up at the ceiling, speaking softly. "It's always the same. On that street with the cars going by. She's reaching out to me and I try to help her... and just as I touch her fingers, she goes under..." Nathan closed his eyes, willing the picture away.
Elizabeth waited, not wanting to minimize what he was feeling by simply telling him it was okay. Instead, she held tightly to his arm and laid her head on his shoulder, waiting for him to speak again.
After a moment, he opened his eyes and turned to her, and Elizabeth could see the blue mountain lake in them.
Nathan smiled and kissed her forehead. "I'm glad you're here."
"What can I do?" she said softly.
"Just what you're doing," he said, holding her closer. "And actually, this one was better," he said. "They used to happen about once a week. I woke up Allie a couple of times, and my mother. She said I just shouted 'No...' over and over until I woke up, usually in a cold sweat."
"Nathan, I'm so sorry..." Elizabeth said.
"But this one," he said, pulling away and searching her eyes, "It was so strange. It was all the same, and then... I know this is crazy, but Colleen turned into Clara and I took hold of her hand and pulled her out before the streetcar got there, and then she turned into the angel from Allie's picture and flew away." Nathan chuckled and shook his head.
Elizabeth smiled. "It seems pretty clear to me," she said.
Nathan frowned. "It does? What does it mean to you?"
"You couldn't save Colleen, but you saved Clara." Nathan was still frowning slightly, and Elizabeth reached her hand up and held his cheek.
"And you're forgiving yourself," she said softly.
Nathan thought for a moment and then smiled again and kissed her. "Have I told you this morning that I love you?" he asked.
Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. "I suppose, technically, since we came to bed at a very early hour this morning…" she murmured as she let her lips graze his neck, "...and I would say that you showed me you loved me…"
Nathan laughed. "It was a yes or no question, Elizabeth…"
"With a very complicated answer..." she said, snuggling closer and letting her hands roam along his neck and up into his hair.
Closing his eyes, Nathan laughed softly, "Never mind…"
Abigail thought that either Lee really loved her food, or there was another reason he managed to get to the café a couple of times every day. She had her suspicions about what the other reason might be.
Lee and Hickam came in almost every day for lunch, and always at the same time. Often it would happen that Rosemary was passing through at that very time - on her way to the Mercantile, or out to visit Jack's grave, or just for a walk. And more often than not, she would sit down with them for a while.
And Rosemary would laugh. Abigail thought it was good to hear her laugh again.
Abigail felt no judgement about the way Rosemary lived her life. Apart from the fact that she knew grief and mourning were absolutely personal and individual processes, she'd talked at length with Rosemary and knew her heart. She had no doubt that Rosemary had loved Jack deeply. She also knew that Rosemary naturally looked at the world in front of her, not the one behind.
Abigail recognized her own emerging thoughts about moving on with life, and she knew that Noah would want that for her. The fact that Rosemary might be able to do it faster didn't diminish the love she'd felt for Jack, or her commitment to their relationship.
However, Abigail did worry that Charlotte would probably have different views on the subject. Luckily, Charlotte was at the schoolhouse every day and was generally tired when she came home at night.
In the evenings, Lee had started picking up something from Abigail to take home for dinner. He'd never learned to cook and really didn't have a desire to, but he liked eating at home where the sawmill workers and townspeople couldn't come and pull up a chair to talk business. Sometimes Lee liked not talking about business.
Tonight, he'd had issues at the mill and was very late as he arrived to pick up the neatly packaged special that Abigail had ready for him. There were no customers in the cafe, and Abigail was preparing the dough for the breakfast scones.
There was only one table being used, and Rosemary was the one using it. She was sitting by the woodstove, and the table was covered with papers. She had one pencil in her hand and another stuck in her hair behind her ear, and she looked highly perplexed.
"That brings back memories," Lee said, smiling as she looked up at him. "You have the same look on your face as I did when I opened my first business."
Rosemary pouted. "It's the paperwork for Jack's pension," she said, sighing heavily. "I don't even know where to start." She sat back in her chair and closed her eyes. "But I don't have any money left, and most of my things are still in Cape Fullerton, and the flat is Mountie housing and they need it and want me to clear it out, and I have to have my marriage certificate for the pension, and of course it's in the flat in Cape Fullerton..."
"Whoa, whoa," Lee said, sitting down and opening the buttons on his coat. Rosemary was getting more agitated by the second. Without thinking, Lee put his hand over hers to get her attention. For a moment they both looked down at their hands, and Lee lifted his and moved it back. "Sorry..."
"No," she said quickly. "Don't be..."
They sat awkwardly for a split second and then Lee began speaking, calmly. "So, you need to go to Cape Fullerton. Correct?"
Rosemary nodded mutely.
"Is there a deadline on the paperwork?" he asked.
"Only mine, because I can't keep living here rent-free and eating Abigail's food, and actually, if I bring my things back here I'm going to need to get a place of my own in Coal Valley..."
She was getting worked up again, and Lee stopped her gently, though this time he managed to keep his hands in his lap. "One thing at a time, Rosie." Now he stopped himself, because the name had just come out while he wasn't thinking. He'd heard Allie call her that, and it somehow just fit so much better than Rosemary - it's how he thought of her in his head.
She looked up sharply, surprised, but not unhappy. "That's the first time I've heard that name in a... man's voice... since... Jack," she said.
"I'm sorry, I heard Allie... and it's just..." Lee stuttered.
"No, I like it," Rosemary said softly. She smiled at him and Lee's heart sped up a little.
He laughed nervously, and then took a deep breath. "What if I take you to Cape Fullerton in the sawmill's wagon? We get your things, we find the certificate, and we go to Mountie Headquarters to submit the paperwork, make sure it's all in order, and perhaps get the money from the pension right away? And while we're gone, I can ask Mike to find out what's available in town for you to rent?"
Rosemary exhaled in disbelief. "You would do all that?" she asked.
Lee tilted his head. "Of course I would."
"Why?" Rosemary asked suddenly, frowning a little.
Lee was a little taken aback. "Because you're my friend and you need help," he said simply.
Rosemary thought for a minute. "What will people think?" she said quietly.
"Is there something for them to think about?" Lee asked. Rosemary narrowed her eyes slightly and he put his hands up. "No, strike that. I didn't ask that question."
Rosemary simply raised her eyebrow.
Lee nodded, thinking. Then he said, "What would they think if Mike took you and did the same thing?"
"Ah," Rosemary thought for a moment and said, "That I needed help and he was being a friend?"
"Why is it different with... us?" Lee said. He started the question with the intention of bolstering his case, but he'd ended it as a real question. Because it was different, and they both knew it. They'd known it since the first day they'd met, before Jack had died, before there was any future for them. They'd each felt the connection to the other, and hadn't understood where it had come from.
"It's... not," Rosemary said tentatively, not believing it even as she said it. But she needed to believe it. It needed to be true. She sat up straighter and said more firmly, "It's not. I would very much appreciate your help. Thank you."
Lee nodded, feeling like they had just navigated a minefield of some sort. "Okay, then. Mike can cover the office for the next couple of days…"
"Couple of days?" Rosemary asked.
"Well... " Lee said, "I can't see us getting all of that done in one day. Traveling there, moving you out, getting to Mountie Headquarters and pushing through the pension, then traveling back?" He shrugged a little as Rosemary added it all up.
Lee exhaled, understanding. "Rosemary," he said, pointedly using her full name, "You will stay in your flat, and I will get a room in town. Absolutely respectable in every way."
Rosemary looked at him for a moment, and Lee could almost see the wheels of her brain spinning. Finally, she leaned forward, whispering.
"I don't know how to be a widow," she said, her eyes a combination of confusion and sorrow. "I've never worried about how something looked, or whether what I was feeling was appropriate, or if so-and-so was going to think such-and-such…" Rosemary looked down and began twirling the pencil in her fingers. "I don't know if you know this, but I've been quite the free spirit in my life. The theatre practically requires it."
Lee smiled. "That doesn't surprise me."
Leaning forward again, Rosemary said, "I loved Jack. I can't remember when I didn't love him." She took a deep breath. "But the truth is, I've spent much more time without him than I have with him. He was always going somewhere, and I had to be free to go to Chicago or St. Louis, or Boston if I was cast in a play. We got used to being apart."
Listening intently, Lee nodded.
Rosemary looked back down again. "I know he's gone. That he's… dead. He's not just at a new posting, or on another assignment." She looked up, her eyes glistening. "But, I think I'm supposed to stop living, and I don't know if I can do that. When I go out to his grave, that's what I talk to him about." She smiled and raised an eyebrow. "And I haven't been struck by lightning yet. Probably a good sign."
Lee was so surprised, he laughed out loud. They both looked over at Abigail, who was at her kitchen work table. She smiled at them, amused, and closed the curtains.
Rosemary shrugged. "You see? I'm scandalous."
"You're wonderful," Lee said before thinking.
They looked at each other for a moment. Rosemary smiled.
"Thank you for your kind offer, Lee Coulter," she said. "I'll be happy to take you up on all of it."
The train pulled into Sudbury, Ontario at ten minutes after noon and pulled out twenty minutes later. Nathan, Elizabeth and Clara didn't get off the train this time, as they slept right through it and had a plan to meet in the dining car for a late lunch.
"That was the best night of sleep I've had in a very long time," Clara sighed, sipping happily on a lemonade. "I don't think I've known how awfully lumpy my mattress was in my flat in Cape Fullerton. So between being exhausted, the soft mattress, and the movement of the train, well…"
Clara looked across at Elizabeth and Nathan, who were grinning at her. "Oh, my goodness," she said, blushing. "I haven't stopped talking since I sat down." She gave them a slight shrug. "How is your mattress?" And then, suddenly realizing she was talking to newlyweds, she blushed a deeper shade of crimson and put her head down into her hands. "I'm so sorry…"
Elizabeth laughed and reached out to take her hand away from her face and hold it on the table.
"We're so glad you're happy with the cabin, Clara. We were very worried about you last night," Elizabeth said.
Clara looked down and shook her head. "I don't want to think about what would have happened if you hadn't come along. I really am smarter than that," she said, looking back up.
"You've been on your own for a long time, haven't you?" Elizabeth asked, her voice soft and kind.
Clara sat up. "I have. My mother died when I was young and now my father is ill…" Raising her chin a little, Clara continued. "But I'm lucky. I'm a good worker and I can make my way anywhere. It will be the same in Hamilton."
Elizabeth still held Clara's hand. "I'd like it very much if you would come and see us in Hamilton."
Clara's face lit up. "Oh, I would love to!" she said quickly, and then realized she was a little too excited. "That would be lovely," she said, forcing herself to be more subdued.
Nathan smiled and raised an eyebrow. "I haven't met any of them yet," he said conspiratorially. "It might be nice to have another new face around."
Clara grinned. "I'd like that," she said. "Once I find my flat and get settled in…"
Elizabeth sipped her tea. "In what part of town is your flat, Clara?"
"East End," she said, buttering one of the rolls that had just been delivered to the table.
"Oh," Elizabeth said before she could stop herself, and then she took a deep breath and looked at Nathan. "Well… that's an… interesting part of Hamilton. I've actually spent quite a bit of time there… volunteering…"
Clara put the roll down. "It's bad, isn't it?" she said, looking at Elizabeth. "I was afraid of that. At the price, it had to be too good to be true." She sighed and picked up the roll again. "I should know when a landlord uses words like quaint and old-world charm, it means I'll be lucky to have a window and a door that locks."
"I'm sure it's not that bad, but Clara, the train is getting in at 2:00 in the morning. You're not traveling by yourself to the East End at that time of night." She looked at Nathan again. "We can't let her do that."
Nathan smiled. "How many rooms did you say your house in Hamilton has?"
Elizabeth looked down, as always embarrassed when talking about the opulence of her life in Hamilton. "Thirty," she said softly.
Clara's eyes went wide. "Thirty bedrooms?" she said, incredulously.
Looking up quickly, Elizabeth said, "Oh, no, thirty rooms. That includes the servants quarters, and kitchen, sitting room, drawing room, dining rooms…" She had a sense she wasn't really making things sound better, so she said, "There are only sixteen actual bedrooms." Then she heard herself and sighed, sitting back. "It's a large house."
Nathan was suppressing a smile. "And how many of those bedrooms are being used right now?"
Elizabeth looked at him, raising an eyebrow. "Probably six."
Nathan turned to Clara. "Since we're sneaking in at two in the morning, I'll bet you can sneak in with us. You'd have your choice of ten bedrooms."
Elizabeth laughed and gave him a light fist to the shoulder. Then she looked at Clara. "Nathan's right. You're coming home with us. And then we can get up the next day and go with you to see your flat. How does that sound?"
"I was assuming I would spend the night in the train station and then go find the flat once it was light, but your offer sounds so much better," Clara said with tears forming in her eyes. "But, you don't even know me," she said, "and you're inviting me into your home?" She looked from one to the other. "I'm not usually this helpless, you know? And you're being so kind."
Elizabeth took her hand across the table again. "Clara, I want to tell you a story about when I first arrived in Coal Valley." She looked over at Nathan, who was smiling and leaning back, looking forward to hearing it again.
"I traveled all the way from Hamilton by myself to become a teacher in Coal Valley, and just before I reached the town, my stagecoach was robbed. All my money, anything valuable, all gone. I only had my clothes and my books."
She looked over at Nathan and her eyes went soft. "Nathan rescued me and took me to town, helped me find my bearings, chopped wood for my fire…" After a quick moment between them, Elizabeth looked back at Clara. "And that night, I accidentally burned down the teacherage." She shook her head and laughed softly as Clara gasped. "My very first night in town."
Clara looked over to Nathan for confirmation that this seemingly tall tale was true. He laughed too.
"Completely accurate. She burned it to the ground. And it went up fast."
"What did you do?" Clara asked, looking back at Elizabeth with her eyes wide with wonder.
Elizabeth smiled. "A very kind woman took me into her home, though she barely knew me and I had just burned down a town building that contained everything I owned except for a nightgown and a pair of boots. She drew me a warm bath and talked softly to me, and lent me her clothes until I could get more. She let me stay with her, and I've lived with her ever since, though now I will live with my husband." Elizabeth looked at Nathan again and they both smiled.
"She sounds like a wonderful person," Clara said.
Turning back to Clara, Elizabeth smiled and squeezed her hand. "Her name is Abigail Stanton."
Tears sprang quickly to Clara's eyes. "Peter's mother," she said softly.
"Please let me repay the kindness your mother-in-law showed me?" Elizabeth said. "I was alone in a new place, and afraid, and she cared for me." Elizabeth gazed at her. "Clara, you need to understand about Hope Valley. We're not just a town, we're like a family."
"Abigail is our family. And that makes you our family."