Chapter 28: Heading Home

"Should've woken up sooner, should've woken up sooner," I chant to myself in undertone as I scramble about the dormitory, locating my shampoo in the showers and my Gryffindor scarf under Marlene's bed. However, no matter how hard I look, I can't find the invitation to the wedding. I don't think I've seen it since Barnaby delivered it weeks and weeks ago, and I threw it onto my desk in disgust when I got up to the dormitory at the end of the day. Not that it matters, but I'd wanted to have it on me just in case I needed the address or something. Or if I needed it to somehow rub it in Petunia's face that, try as she might, she can't keep me out of the wedding. Oh well. I can't really be surprised that I can't locate something from last month when I can barely remember which textbooks I need for classes every morning.

No one else was even in the dormitory when I woke up, and I panicked for a moment thinking I'd missed the train. But I checked the time and saw it was still 7:00 am. Everyone must have been at breakfast and I had an hour to get to the Hogsmeade station.

However, an hour sounds a lot longer than it is. By the time I'm locking my trunk up, I'm starting to sweat.

There's a sound at the door and I turn to see Carol and Mary coming into the dormitory. Carol stops in her tracks when she sees me.

"Hey," I say, straightening up. It makes me uncomfortable hunched over my truck with my back turned while she's in the room, like how they tell you to never crouch around a predator. Makes you look like prey. "I thought everyone was already heading down to the station."

"Most people have," Mary says. "I just forgot my brush." She hurries into the bathroom, but Carol stays in the doorway, blocking my exit.

"Where were you last night?" Carol asks.

"Oh, I got in late from Slughorn's party," I say carefully. I think about how she'd dropped hints all week about going, and then she hadn't been there last night. I don't want to anger her if something had gone wrong. I'm too wrung out from last night to fight today, even with Carol.

"Have a good time?"

"Um, I guess?" I say, because she does not need to know how miserable it actually had been.

"Well good for you," she snaps.

"...thanks?"

"Even if it was your fault I didn't get to go."

Ah. There we go. I was waiting for the attack.

"How do you figure?" I say tiredly.

"James didn't take me, and I know it's because you've been telling him lies about me."

"Carol," I say. I really don't have the energy for this this morning. "Potter and I do not talk about you. If you want to blame anyone, blame Peter – that's who he took as a date. Or Sirius. He really doesn't like you."

"It's just your fault, Lily!" Carol says. Then, abruptly, she says, "I'll be in the common room." She turns and I hear her tromp back downstairs.

Mary comes out of the bathroom a minute later as I'm gathering up Barnaby's cage and getting my cloak on. "Your mad mate is downstairs," I say as I do up the buttons.

"I heard," she says. She crosses the room but pauses in the doorway to look back at me. "You shouldn't hate her so much."

"What?" I say. "Why? She's been nothing but nasty to me for years."

"I know but..." she trails off and I wonder if she'll finish her thought, but she glances down the stairs to where Carol is waiting and lowers her voice. "She just really loves him, you know? And it's killing her that you're messing with him."

I just stare at her. She shrugs.

"Anyways... if we all want to make the train, we need to hurry. Carriages leave in ten minutes. Have a good Christmas, Lily."

Even though she's right, I really need to get moving, I can't help but stand and stare at the empty doorway after she's gone. I mean, I'm shocked Mary said anything at all – she doesn't usually say much of anything, preferring to blend into the background, trailing around after Carol. Mary's actually a lot like Emmeline – quiet, non-confrontational, studious. She just had the misfortune of befriending Carol. For some reason.

But I'm also shocked by what she said.

Carol... loves James?

I mean... obviously I knew she liked him well enough, but I guess I kind of assumed that it was less about James as a person and more like a... status thing. Like she only wants who she sees as one of the most popular boys in the castle. And one of the smartest students, and the most talented Quidditch player. And one of the best-looking...

So I guess I can see where she's coming from. A little, I mean.

But I sure as heck am not anywhere near in love with James. I'm still struggling to decide most days if I even like the prat.

But here's Carol, walking around every day, and comfortable admitting – out loud, if Mary knows it – that she loves him.

For the first time, I feel guilty about the way I've been trying to get James to ditch Carol. Merlin – am I in their way? Would Carol actually make James happy?

But he did say he wasn't interested in her like that, despite them dating last year...

I check the time and yelp aloud in the quiet of the deserted dormitory. No more time for worrying – the carriages leave right now, and I have seven flights of stairs to get myself – and my trunk – down.

All I can say is thank Merlin for magic.

I just made the last carriage, but that never would have happened if I hadn't been able to levitate my trunk all the way through the quiet castle while I sprinted down staircase after staircase. My heart pounds from the exertion as the horseless carriages lurch into motion.

Once we arrive at the train station, I'm pleased to see many of the prefects fall into position to observe and assist the younger students as they board the train. I do the same, helping little Theodore Allen, one of the first year Gryffindors, maneuver his owl through the train doors.

I catch sight of Emmeline, Alice, and Marlene. Emmeline and Alice steer well clear of the door I'm stationed at, but Marlene catches my eye and fights her way through the rush of people to me.

"You made it!" she shouts over the noise.

"I made it," I agree. "Hey - no pushing, Bates!" I yell. Then, to Marlene again, I say, "Save me a seat? I don't know who I'll sit with otherwise."

"Of course," she says. In a moment, she's disappeared into the train.

I also see James, a few doors down, shepherding some second years aboard. I look away quickly, grateful my Head duties give me an excuse to avoid him. I'm just confused about him, between his note and the run-in with Carol and Mary this morning.

Finally, everyone's made it on the train. The prefects do a final sweep of the carriages and station before we hop aboard, too, and then we're rolling away from Hogsmeade, heading into the dense forest, the pines still green even in December.

I move quickly through the corridor, hoping to find Marlene before I find anyone else. Thankfully, she was able to get a compartment close to where we boarded. She hangs out the door, looking for me. I wave and start heading her way, but freeze up when I see Carol also heading my way.

I brace myself as Carol approaches me, but to my relief, she just glares with red eyes and pushes right past. Mary skuttles after her, and I slip into the compartment with Marlene, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Odd," Marlene says, blinking after them. "Carol doesn't usually turn down an opportunity to insult you. Especially lately."

"Carol wanted James to take her to Slughorn's party last night," I say as she slides the door back into place.

"Not surprised, I suppose." Marlene casts a look at the window in the compartment door like she expects to still see Carol there. "But she doesn't go to Slug Club, so how did she think she could count on a date?"

"Apparently she just figured James would take her once he got the invite," I say, rolling my eyes.

"How do you know all this?" Marlene demands, sinking onto the seat opposite me.

"Carol ambushed me," I explain. "This morning in the dormitory after you all left. Surprised you didn't hear us, it was a whole big thing. Again. Of course. There's not going to be a soul at Hogwarts who wants me to come back after the last twenty-four hours. I think I even annoyed Nearly-Headless Nick when I accidentally chucked Barnaby's cage through him when we were loading up the carriages."

"Well that's just four people – Alice, Emmeline, Carol, and Nearly-Headless Nick, and Carol and Nick barely count, so really just two," Marlene says reasonably.

"Well..." I say, realizing that if Marlene had gotten her recap of Slughorn's party from Emmeline and Alice, she wouldn't know about the other half of my night.

"Uh-oh, Lily," Marlene says. She kicks her feet up on the seat next to her and reclines onto her back so she's taking up the whole row. "Do tell. Who else are you arguing with?"

"Severus," I admit.

"Not surprising," she says.

I give her another look.

"Go on," she says.

"And... Potter. I'm also fighting with Potter. Because of Severus. Or am I fighting with Severus because of Potter? I don't know. Doesn't matter. Long story short, they're both mad at me, too."

"Merlin, Lily, what happened last night?" Marlene says, looking over at me with raised eyebrows.

So I recount, as best as I can remember, what happened after Emmeline had stormed off and before I'd run into Alice; how Severus refused to believe the Slytherins had attacked me in Hogsmeade, asking Potter to back me up, the subsequent argument he and Sev had gotten into about Merlin knows what, how it had affected the other Marauders, Remus particularly, and how that had led to Potter taunting Severus with the wedding, and Severus ditching me at the party in a fury.

"And then I told Potter he ruins everything and to stay out of my business, and he left, too," I conclude. "And that was all before Alice called me a hypocrite."

Marlene stays silent for a long moment, staring at the ceiling, her hands folded on her chest.

"Marlene?" I prompt.

She sits up. "You want it honestly, Lil?"

I grimace. "I can take it."

"Well... and don't take this the wrong way, I love you from the very bottom of my heart Lily, but to steal a line from Alice... you are being kind of hypocritical."

I sigh. "Yes, I know both Emmeline and I went to the party last night with Slytherins. But I really don't think that's the same thing. Sev and I are friends, and Rosier –"

Marlene interrupts me. "I'm not talking about Snape."

"Huh?" I say. "Then what are you talking about?"

"It sounds like you're mad at James for doing exactly what you asked him to," Marlene says. "You asked him to back you up, and he did."

"Yes, but then he got all over Severus –"

"- who sounds like he was being a right git all evening! Taking jabs at Alice, believing Regulus and Rosier over you, fighting with James and the rest of them... and yet, it's not Snape you're stewing over today. You didn't even really get mad at Snape last night – he got mad at you! So why are you holding James in so much more wrong than Snape?"

"Just because Severus was being difficult last night doesn't mean I can't be mad at Potter, too," I argue.

"No, it doesn't," Marlene agrees. "But you're mad at an awful lot of people today, Lil, and you sure seem to feel justified about it."

"I am!"

"So don't you think that if you can be justified for being mad at like five different people, James is justified in being mad at one?"

Oh.

Hmm...

I guess I hadn't thought of it like that.

"Maybe," I say grudgingly. "But I still can't believe he'd toss the wedding in Sev's face like that. Even if Sev was bringing up something that was clearly a sensitive subject... But still, that was a low blow!"

"Well, no one's perfect," Marlene says. "You're right, James shouldn't have done that, he definitely needs to apologize."

"Well..." I say, winding and unwinding a lock of hair around my finger. "He kind of already did..."

"What?" Marlene looks at me, eyebrows raised. "Then what exactly is the problem here?"

I chew my lip.

"I need to go find Potter, don't I?" I say finally.

She smiles kindly at me. "You really do. First sensible thing you've said all day."

I roll my eyes.

But, really, she might not be wrong.

James isn't hard to find – he and the other Marauders have the compartment they always ride in, towards the back of the train. I'm alone. After leaving our compartment, Marlene went off in search of food. "And then I'm going to find Em and Alice. That way you won't chicken out apologizing to Potter, because if you don't go, you'll have no one to sit with!" She left me with my mouth hanging open, no time to protest, cackling the whole way down the corridor as she skipped away.

What a mad mate I have.

I steel myself before knocking.

The muffled voices on the other side of the frosted glass stop and a moment later the door slides open and I find myself almost nose to nose with James.

"Lily?" he says, sounding surprised.

"Um... hi," I say awkwardly, taking a step back. I give a little wave to the other boys, who all pop their heads curiously over Potter's shoulder. "Can I... talk to you?"

"Sure!" he says. "Uhh..." he twists to look at his mates, who all wear goofy grins. Peter waggles his eyebrows at him. He turns back to me. "Let's talk in the hall, should we?"

"Let's," I agree, and step back so James can join me outside their compartment, shutting the door securely behind him.

"Look, Lily," James says at the same time I blurt, "I'm sorry."

He looks at me in surprise.

"Wait," he says. "'Sorry' is my line."

"You already said sorry," I say. "Remember?"

He ruffles his hair. "Well, apologizing in a letter feels like it barely counts."

"It counts," I say. "Promise."

"Oh," he says. "Good. But just in case it doesn't... I am sorry. That I ruined your night. I shouldn't have said anything about the wedding."

"It's okay," I sigh. "In all honesty, Severus was already ruining the night just fine before you came along."

He gives me a questioning look, but I just shake my head. I don't want to recap the party again.

"Well, then," he says after a pause. "Go on."

"Go on?" I say, lowering my eyebrows in confusion.

"You said you were sorry? Weren't you going to finish your apology to me? I'd be okay with that."

I give him a sharp look, but his face has relaxed into a teasing, confident grin and it's such a welcome, familiar sight, any lingering frustration I had toward him dissolves. I want to pinch his cheek like he's a naughty little boy, he looks so adorable.

But obviously I don't do that.

I poke him in the stomach instead. "Don't push your luck, Potter."

He laughs, and the sound fills me up like the firewhisky last night, a warmth that starts in my belly and radiates up through my chest and all the way into my fingertips and toes. It's just as intoxicating, and I find myself talking with a little less inhibition.

"But I am sorry, too," I say, watching his face. "I got unreasonably mad at you. It's no excuse, but you do seem to bring out the more irrational side of me for some reason."

He looks at me, then glances quickly away. "I understand that, better than you know," he says.

I look curiously at him, but he just leans back against the compartment door, staring down the empty train corridor.

"Anyway," I say. "I'm sorry. Marlene told me I was being a hypocrite, and I suppose she's right. If I can argue with like five other people, you're definitely allowed to fight with one."

"Thanks," he says. "Apology accepted." He glances quickly at me again and bites his lip. "What about the wedding?"

"Well," I say slowly, "Since I still don't know if I'm going to the wedding, I don't know if you're going either." But when he meets my eyes, I smile. "But you're obviously coming if I am. Clearly, I'm no good on my own at a fancy party."

A smile spreads over his face, and it's like syrup slipping over a stack of pancakes, slow and sweet. "I can't guarantee I'll be any better," he warns.

"Then I guess we'll have to be disasters together," I say, shrugging.

"I think I can handle that," he says, grinning.

The compartment door – the one James is leaning against – slides open, and he nearly tumbles over backwards.

"Oops," Sirius says, sounding very unapologetic. "Just wondering if the two of you have made up and made out yet, you're taking a very long time. Plus, Wormtail's dying to beat you yet again in Exploding Snap, Prongs."

My cheeks feel hot, but I ignore the first part of Sirius's comment. "Beat him again?"

"He's over-exaggerating," James says. When I look at him, his cheeks look red, too, and he's not looking at me.

"Am not!" Peter says, also coming to the door. He looks at me and stage-whispers, "He would hate for anyone to know, but he's really bad at like... any game."

I grin. "No," I say, delighted, looking from him to James, who rolls his head back to look at the ceiling, apparently removing himself from the conversation.

"Yes!" Peter says. "Exploding Snap, Gobstones, wizard chess... absolutely terrible. You oughta see it."

"It's good for him to lose at something," Sirius says. "Keeps him humble."

I laugh right out loud. James, humble? Never. When I look at him, his hand is back in his hair, but he gives me a rueful smile. "There you have it, Evans. You're welcome to stay if you really want to witness my humiliation."

"You know what?" I say. "I think I will."

Peter's right. James is terrible – truly terrible – at Exploding Snap. And Gobstones. Peter beats him three times in a row at Exploding Snap before Sirius beats him at Gobstones and Remus challenges him to a round of wizard chess.

"It's because none of these involve any real strategy!" James exclaims in frustration while I giggle with Peter over his many defeats.

"If that was actually the problem, Prongs, you'd do okay at chess. And yet..." Remus gestures to the board, a pleasant smile on his face, as his queen wrestles James's last bishop out of play.

"Hmph," James says, slouching back in his seat, disgruntled.

"It's okay, Potter," I say. "My parents aren't going to challenge you to any games for wedding admission."

He sits upright, knocking the chessboard with his knee and sending most of the remaining pieces flying. They scream in protest, but he ignores them and Remus, who hurries to rescue his team off the floor.

"That's right! I get to meet your parents on the platform!"

"You really don't need to," I start.

"No, no!" he pushes back. "You don't get to get out of this! You promised!"

Unfortunately, I did.

"Fine," I say. "But it will be quick, and polite, and then you will go on your merry way with Sirius before you can say anything embarrassing to my parents."

"Embarrassing? What could I possibly say to embarrass you?"

"Um, literally anything from any one of our Transfiguration tutoring times?"

He grins. "Oh, right. Hmm... the possibilities... Hey, which do you all think is the most embarrassing Transfiguration mishap Lily's had?"

"Don't make me regret this deal, Potter," I warn.

"Definitely the antlers," says Remus, and all four of them roar with laughter.

"Mum!" I stumble off the train and right into my mother's arms. She smells like rain and her coat is cold from the winter air, but she's here and I'm so happy to be back with my mum again.

"Lily, baby," she says, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck.

"Don't forget you've got two parents," another voice says, and Mum releases me so that my dad can scoop me right back up in a bone crushing hug.

"As if I could ever," I say, my voice muffled into the slick material of his jacket, and I hug him back.

There's a thunk behind us. I pull out of Dad's embrace and we all turn to see James, hauling a trunk off the train. Then I realize it's mine. I frown at him. He grins back, and I realize what's happening – this is his whole ploy to meet my parents before I can run off with them without James getting a word in.

Clever, Potter. Very clever.

"Oh, dear, are we in the way?" Mum asks, oblivious to who she's talking to, and my inner turmoil over him, and that it's my trunk he's lugging. "So sorry." Then she takes a second look. "Wait, Lily, is that your trunk?" Her hands flutter like she wants to reach out and help but knows she won't be able to handle the weight. "Ian, help this kind young man with Lily's things." She smiles at James. "Thank you so much for helping Lily."

"No problem," James says, straightening up and sticking out his hand. "I'm James."

"James... Potter?" Mum slowly reaches out to shake his hand. I can practically hear her brain whirring.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Oh," Mum says. Then she says it again. "Oh!"

I want to groan and hide my face in my hands. Then I could have missed the very obvious, very delighted look my mum throws me as she steps back to let Dad also shake James's hand.

"It's so nice to finally meet you," Mum gushes. "Lily's told us all about you, of course."

"Mum!" I protest. To James, I say, "She's exaggerating. She only means I've told her you're Head Boy with me, and helping me with Transfiguration."

"Right, right, that's just what I meant," Mum says, waving a hand airily. "It is so nice to finally meet you!" she says again, with no less enthusiasm.

"Same for me, too," James says. He's all smiles, that Potter charm turned up to a thousand. "Lily's so great to work with. I guess I have you to thank for raising such a competent, intelligent, capable, hard-working, and beautiful daughter."

I aim a kick at his foot. "Would you stop it?"

"No, no, Lily," Mum says. "Let James go on. He's right, I have done an exceptional job as a mum."

"Fantastic," I say. "Now everyone stop looking at me and let's get my trunk loaded up."

Dad bends to pick my trunk back up and James hurries to help him. Mum seizes her opportunity, turning to me. Her eyes sparkle so brightly I wish I had sunglasses.

"Oh, but Lily, he's very good-looking, isn't he? You didn't tell me how handsome he is in all your letters. Where's the obnoxious Potter prat you've been going on about? Because that," she nods at James, who is now insisting to my faintly amused father that he can push the cart over to the barrier for him, "is not who I was expecting."

"Yes, well, it's been an odd year," I mumble.

"You know, sweet, it's okay that opinions change," Mum says gently.

I think about all the James I've seen this year, the way he's patiently tutored me and the surprisingly fantastic Head Boy he's been and how being around him sometimes gives me the same feeling as riding a broomstick, a swooping, soaring, heart-in-my-throat sensation. And then I think of all the Potter there still is: picking fights with Severus, keeping secrets from me, sending Carol on his rounds shift, and I sigh.

"I'm finding that out," I say. "Just... don't read too much into this, Mum, okay?"

But she doesn't have time to press for more information because Dad and James join us again, my cart waiting for me.

"Well, it was truly delightful to meet you, Mr. And Mrs. Evans. Not that I'm surprised," James says. "But I must go greet my parents now. My mate Sirius is right; they do like him far more than me these days, and I've just given him plenty of alone time with them to further that opinion."

"Lovely to meet you too, James," Mum says. She bypasses the handshake and goes in for a hug.

"And I'll be seeing you again soon," James says, as he shakes hands with Dad, who has the proper social etiquette not to hug someone you just met.

"Oh?" Mum says.

I steel myself, knowing the minefield I'm about to pitch myself onto. Mum is so going to read into this. "Mum, Potter is going to be my…" I falter. 'Date' sounds way too presumptuous for what James has offered, and 'plus one' seems to carry a similar weight. "Potter is coming with me to Tuney's wedding," I amend, flushing slightly. Probably coming, I add silently to myself. I've still got Petunia to convince.

"Oh, how lovely!" Mum says. This brings her "oh" count to four, I think, and yes, she is definitely getting carried away about all this wedding situation might imply. "Lily didn't tell me she was bringing a date!" She draws James into another hug.

I wince, but James grins at me over Mum's shoulder. I stick my tongue out at him.

"We look forward to seeing you again," Dad says. "Thanks again for the help with Lily's things."

"No problem," James says.

Mum looks between James and me and says, "Lily, we'll meet you on the muggle platform, alright?"

"Mum, that's really not necessary –"

She waves me off. "See you in a minute, sweetheart." She pulls Dad along with her as she heads over to where my trunk and Barnaby's cage wait by the barrier but casts backwards glances at James and me every few seconds. Her eyes dance until they exit through the barrier.

"You idiot," I say to James.

"What's the matter?" he asks innocently but grins wickedly. "Just wanted to make a good impression before the wedding. How'd I do, do you think?"

"She's not going to stop talking about you until Christmas," I sigh.

"Something for you to remember me by," he says.

"There goes my Potter-free holiday," I say, but I'm teasing, and he knows it.

We lapse into silence, and James throws a glance down the platform, toward the back of the train, where I see Sirius standing with a couple who must be James's parents. They wave when they see him looking, and Sirius holds up both hands in a 'what's taking so long' kind of gesture.

"I'm keeping you," I say.

"It's fine," he says, looking back down at me. "So... wedding next week?"

"Wedding next week," I say. I frown. "Provided my talk with Petunia at Sunday dinner tomorrow goes okay."

"It will," he says bracingly. He hesitates to ruffle his hair. I recognize it as a nervous tick this time. When did I become so adept at reading his different hair ruffles? "Will you write?"

"To tell you for sure about the wedding?"

"Yes." Still fidgeting with his hair. "And... just to write?"

I can't help it; I grin. "If I feel like it."

He laughs ruefully. "You really know how to make a bloke squirm, Evans." Another glance down the platform. This time, Sirius mimes tapping a watch and taps his foot too for good measure.

"I should really go," he says softly.

"Of course," I say.

But he doesn't leave, and neither do I. I'm surprised to suddenly realize I'm not actually ready for him to go. I... am going to miss James.

"I'll see you in two weeks," he says finally. And then, much like my mum, bypasses regular social etiquette and wraps me up in a hug. Only I mind this hug much less than my mum's, the warm way his hands press into my back and how my chin nestles on his shoulder.

And it's over much too soon.

"See you in two weeks," I say when he steps back. My heart thrums.

He smiles. "Two weeks," he promises.

And before he gets out of earshot, he turns to walk backwards and says, "And just so you know, I will write you, Lily Evans."