AUTHORS NOTE: So this chapter took a bit longer than expected, but it's up! The recommended song is what I imagine Yugen would sing so be sure to check that out. Remember, if you would like to see the pictures for each chapter be sure to check out my pinterest. If the links at the bottom won't work, then go to my profile they should be there. If they still don't work and you REALLY want to see them, don't hesitate to message me :-) Now, on to the story!
Once More With Feeling
Barry stood at his clothes rack with a white towel wrapped around his waist trying to figure out what to wear. "No, no, no..." He slid aside several garments on metal hangers, before landing on a black pullover with a draped collar and thumb holes. He placed it on the unsightly red flannel bed spread, then pulled out a pair of black harem sweatpants from a faded dresser drawer. He let the towel fall to his ankles, then slipped on his pants. He walked over to his bed, pulling his shirt over his head. He put on a pair of black high top sneakers, then looked at himself in a large mirror with no frame.
"It's time you let her know of us Barry." Barry cocked an eyebrow at Patricia's voice ringing in his ears, blocking out the indistinct sounds around him like aggressive tinnitus.
"What do you care? I thought you wanted the beast to get her?" Barry retorted derisively as he slipped on a long sweater that hung past his knees.
"I'm only trying to look out for the well being of everyone, especially Kevin's. Besides, everyone agrees." Patricia stated calmly and matter-of-factually.
Barry felt a familiar migraine, the migraine that suggested that everyone was trying to talk to him at once. Without any words being said, he already knew what they were saying. Patricia wasn't lying, they all agreed. "Alright, alright! Tonight I'll tell her."
Yugen sat backstage at the Underground Arts Theater, peering at herself in the dressing room mirror; her once dark brown hair was now blood read on top and platinum blonde on the bottom, her makeup's a red smokey eye, with red and silver glitter dusted on her lower lids. Her lip ring was a horseshoe barbell with red crystals at each end, and her nose piercing contained a red heart shaped nose stud.
Yugen not only looked different, but she felt different. The experience she had a few days ago was orphic, frightening, and strangely liberating. She drifted throughout the week, feeling far away from her surroundings. She constantly thought of her friends back in Texas, especially Sarah. When she thought of them, she thought of Barry. She KNEW that the man in the portrait was Barry, yet she questioned whether or not the people she met in that dark world were his alters. She wasn't certain, but it felt right. She walked over to the leather purple couch, relaxing as she sipped her tea before going onstage.
Barry stood in the back of the venue, trying to avoid the rowdy assemblage. One of the opening bands called, Rotting Queen was absolutely terrible! Yet somehow, they managed to have fans because a group of people in the very front were moshing. Barry rolled his eyes as he took a big gulp of water, mulling over how he would tell Yugen about the others. Some of them tried to offer suggestions, but he knew none of it would go accordingly.
To Barry's relief, Rotting Queen stopped playing, he perked up as the young female group walked off the stage. He barely recognized Yugen as she sauntered across the stage to set up—her hair, her clothes, even the way she moved was different. The crowd, including Barry and his head mates fell silent. A few of the male patrons made whistling noises at her eye-catching outfit, her corset's an ivory color with a sweetheart neckline, ruby red beads and crystals were sewn together in clusters with a few streaming haphazardly; giving the appearance of deep gashes bleeding from her breast, ribs, and her hip. Her skirts asymmetrical and the same color as her corset, a couple of crystal gashes lay upon her mid thigh on the longest side of her skirt. Yugen also wore a pair of black, platform heels embellished with silver spikes. Aside from her brazen outfit, her hands and her arms were smeared with blood.
Barry's eyes were unwavering as the music played, and Yugen began to sing. Her performance was an out pour of intense emotions, her dark lyrics were branded into every soul in the room. Her movements were subtle, yet heavy with lachrymose. She wasn't trying to be sexual like Barry had previously thought, she was trying to tell a story. After Yugen finished singing, the entranced crowd slowly emerged from their half-conscious state, filling the venue with a roaring standing ovation. She only sang a couple of more songs after that—she walked off the stage smiling, waving, and blowing kisses at the crowd with her laptop tucked under her arm.
Yugen sat alone backstage, the members of Rotting Queen had taken their party elsewhere, along with a couple of boxes of pizza and a case of beer. She pulled her phone out of her laptop bag and texted Barry, 'If u go towards the emergency exit to the right of the stage a bouncer will let u back here.'
Barry felt a vibration in the pocket of his pants, he pulled out his phone, reading a text message from Yugen. He looked over at the exit sign near the stage, then immediately headed over. He showed the bouncer his bracelet, then walked through. He turned right into a small hallway containing two doors and an open dressing room, where Yugen sat patiently on a couch; in front of her sat a couple of plates of pizza and a couple of beers on a black wooden table.
Yugen's face lit up when she saw Barry walk into the room, then jumped up to embrace him. "Hey you!"
Barry eagerly embraced her, "hey, it's good to see you again!" He pulled away from her, taking her hands in his as he looked her over. He noticed Yugen's scars when she was onstage, from afar she looked like a burn victim, but up close it was evident that the old wounds were self inflicted; the fake blood on her arms and the red crystalline wounds on her outfit were an ostentatiously emotive statement. "Well look at you, Ms. Bold and Beautiful."
Yugen laughed and playfully slapped him on the arm, "shut up!" Barry laughed at Yugen flushed cheeks as he followed her over to the couch.
"So, what did you think of the show?" Yugen took a bite of her pizza, then playfully nudged Barry with her shoulder.
"The first band was horrible Yugen..." Yugen's face scrunched up with laughter at Barry's forthright comment, "but you were amazing as usual."
"Why thank you!" Yugen smiled flirtatiously, then took a swig of beer.
"You're welcome, honey! Now, you have to tell me, where did you get that dress?" Barry tore off a corner of his pizza and began eating it.
"A friend of mine who is also a fashion designer made it. Oh! And his sister did my hair. You might meet them tonight if you wanna stick around for a while," Yugen smiled hopefully at Barry.
"I'd love to stick around," Barry looked away from Yugen and stared at the plate of pizza in front of him, his beer hung loosely from his fingers as he hunched forward; Yugen could sense he wanted to tell her something, "but theirs something I need to be honest with you about."
Yugen set her beer on the table and shifted her body towards Barry, clasping her hands in her lap, "honesty is good."
Barry set his beer on the table then interlaced his fingers, taking a deep breath. "I have...Dissociative Identity Disorder." He looked over at Yugen, who was wearing a soft smile on her face, as if she already knew.
"I uh...I have this friend that I've known since I was 18, we were really close at one point. We traveled together in that same van, we played music together, we even lived together for a while before I bought the van from her and her husband and went my own way. She has DID and she's the kindest, most genuine friend I've ever had..." Yugen looked down at her hands, fondly remembering Sara's light blue eyes and her bright pink and blue hair, then turned her eyes back to Barry. "What you told me actually doesn't surprise me, you remind me of her in a lot of ways."
Barry's eyes were wide with shock, his mouth was slightly agape before it turned up into a smile. "Seriously?"
Yugen nodded, "I do believe that you're all real people, I know that you guys have your own strengths and weaknesses; ages, appearances, IQ's..."
"Can I kiss you?" Barry's heart beat faster as he gazed at Yugen, anticipating her response.
Yugen's inner thighs tingled and her lower belly burned with excitement, she felt no need to give him an answer. She place a hand on his cheek, then placed a firm passionate kiss against his lips. Barry placed his hand on her opposite cheek, deepening the kiss. His stubble tickled Yugen's shimmering, velvety skin as the metal from her lip ring grazed Barry's lips, without hindering the kiss. He tasted her bottom lip tentatively, gently inviting her deeper into his dark, yearning cove. Yugen opened her mouth, twirling and flicking her tongue with his, each of their mouths having a flavor similar to that of spiced rum. Yugen gripped the fabric on Barry's shoulders as his hands gently, but firmly cupped her face. He flicked Yugen's lip ring with his tongue, then playfully tugged at it with his teeth, making the both of them giggle.
They broke apart and Barry took Yugen's hands in his, "I've been crazy about you for a couple of years Yugen, ever since I first saw you at the zoo." Barry brushed Yugen's hair behind her ear, "Some of the others are worried but...I knew you were different."
Yugen leaned her head against Barry's hand, feeling warm and at home. Her mind flashed back to New York, when she was dumpster diving in the lower east side.
It was winter in New York, and the air was bitterly cold. Yugen was sifting through a rank pile of garbage, scavenging for a sliver of anything she could find that hadn't been defiled by parasites. The van was out of gas, she had no money, and she was starving. "You don't belong here!" Yugen was alarmed by an unexpected voice behind her, she turned around to see an old Asian man holding a brown paper bag. He greeted Yugen by nodding his head, then held out the bag, keeping his gaze on the ground. Yugen reluctantly took the bag from the strange old man, "thank you?" He took a deep reverent bow before walking off, leaving Yugen flabbergasted. She opened up the bag, peering at it's contents with disbelief—it contained graham crackers, peanut butter, a couple of apples and bananas; a pamphlet of the Spruce Avenue Apartments, and a $20 bill.
Yugen never believed in God, but she wasn't without belief. Somewhere deep within her being, she knew that forces beyond her understanding were at work; and now, something big was about to happen—she just didn't know what. However, she knew that with time, things would always reveal themselves. "Can I ask you something?" Yugen snaps out of her reverie.
"Of course, anything!" Barry looked at her with need and longing.
"Are you the host?" Barry was slightly taken aback by her question. How much does she actually know about DID?
"Uh no, that would actually be Kevin. I should've said his name when I introduced myself to you, but… I don't always think things through." Barry shrugged off his biggest flaw, grateful that it all worked out when everyone seemed to need it the most.
They both continued to talk intimately with each other, Barry mentioned Dr. Fletcher and talked about the system and how it works; for instance, Barry mentioned that Kevin's been asleep for a couple of years, which seemed pretty extreme to Yugen. He also told her that Kevin held all the physical and emotional memories of his mothers abuse, an occurrence that Yugen knew was rare with DID, and was even more extreme. It appeared that the only way for Kevin and the system could function was if they pushed him down far away, making him weak and disposable. That seemed to be what Kevin wanted, because as Barry despondently put it, he could wake up at anytime. If Yugen ever got the chance to meet Kevin, it's very likely that he would require a lot of patience.
Barry chuckled and Yugen smiled with curiosity, wonder what was so amusing. "What is it?"
"Most of them want to meet you, but aren't comfortable just yet, but a few want to meet you RIGHT NOW!" Yugen chuckled as Barry spoke honestly about the arguments in his head.
She looked up at the small, flat screen TV mounted on the wall, noticing the last band was done playing. "Tell you what, I've got posters to sign and some merch to sell. If you have nothing better to do, we can head to my place after."
"This girl is full of surprises," one of the alters stated as Barry looked down and chuckled nervously.
Barry's breath quivered, his mouth felt paralyzed, and his throat felt dry; he cleared his throat as he managed to find his voice, "yeah, that would be great."
Barry looked around Yugen's apartment while she changed, he believed that you could tell a lot about someone by the interior of their home, just as much as their taste in clothing. She had tons of art, candles, plants, and witchy aesthetics; her place was very homey, feminine, and a tad bit messy. Yugen was obviously a very eccentric and unique individual, who appeared to have many different hobbies and interests. Yugen emerged from the small hallway next to the kitchen, wearing a black and white striped mini dress with no socks or shoes. She looked drop dead sexy! Yugen sat down on the couch and Barry sat next to her, admiring her bare curvaceous legs. There was only a couple of seconds of silence before Barry decided to speak, "can I ask you a couple of questions? You don't have to answer them if you don't want to."
"Ask away," Yugen says.
"Why did you mutilate yourself? And more importantly, do you still do it?"
Yugen chuckled at Barry's tenacious inquiry, "no, I do NOT still do it."
"Good!" Barry nodded as he commented abruptly.
"The why, well...I don't even know where to begin." Yugen thought for a moment and sighed before continuing, "during my pubescent years, my mom brought home these...guys. They looked at me in ways that they should've looked at her and...she took it out on me."
"Did...any of them ever...touch you?" Barry asked heedfully.
"Thankfully, no—one tried but he fell over and had a heart attack in my room and died, which my mom blamed me for." Yugen wasn't the least bit perturbed by talking about her past, she simply spoke of it as if it no longer meant anything, which to her it didn't. Yugen had made her own life, it was a struggle to become as comfortable as she is, but she did it on her own terms.
However, Barry was clearly bothered by it. Not because he blamed Yugen, or because he was thinking about himself and his mother, but rather the blatant irrationality of blaming a child for a pedophiles sudden death. His eyebrows drew together and his mouth formed a hard line, "I'm so sorry that happened to you."
Yugen's lips curled up at Barry's genuinity, "It's okay, we have no contact with each other and she has no idea where I'm at. It's all in the past."
Barry turned his head away from Yugen, an excruciating headache forming from some of the others trying to get through. He took a deep breath and his eye lids fluttered, Yugen sat patiently, aware that he was dissociating. Shudder switch gone!
"Hi, I'm Jade!" A new alter fronted, smiling brightly at Yugen.
"I'm Yugen!" She greeted her with the same smile in return, as she introduced herself.
"Girl, I know!" Jade playfully rolled her eyes, "You're basically the main point of conversation with us."
Yugen tittered, "I'm flattered, were you able to see the show?" Yugen asked as Jade reached for a slice of pizza.
"Yep!" Jade mumbled as she chewed her food.
"How does that work for you exactly?" Yugen wondered aloud.
"Mm..." Jade chewed her food a little more before swallowing, "basically, we all sit in this room with chairs and a light in the center that represents Kevin's consciousness; if we hang out in that room and concentrate, we can see what's going on in the outer world."
"Oh okay." Yugen nodded in understanding as Jade took another bite, "so do you guys have your own private spaces to hang out in?"
"Mhm, but most of us prefer to hang out with each other most of the time, things tend to get interesting." Jade's mouth turned up into a sly smirk, staring at Yugen with mock intensity.
Yugen laughed quietly, a short huff of air out of her nose that was barely perceptible. "Do you guys have jobs in the inner world? You know, ones that you get paid for?"
Jade's eyes widened with astonishment and a grin formed on her face, "good question! Some of us do actually. Mr. Pritchard is actually a professor..." Jade began to trail off then rolled her eyes, "oh come on just give me a minute..." She groaned loudly as she threw down her pizza, then her face went blank. Shudder switch gone!
"Hello Yugen! I'm Mr. Pritchard." They both shook hands, this time Yugen had no need to introduce herself, but cordially stated that it was nice to meet him. Mr. Pritchards eyes lingered on Yugen for only a moment before continuing, "as Jade was saying, I'm a professor of cinema—mostly Japanese films from the 1950's through 1980's. And I just want to say that you gave a stunning performance!"
Yugen smiled with appreciation as she thanked Mr. Pritchard, who politely nodded, "you're welcome."
"So, do you have students?" Yugen knocked back the small amount of liquid left in her beer bottle.
"Yes ma'am." Mr. Pritchard responded frankly, sounding like a professor.
"Are they part of the system?" Yugen sat up a little straighter, obviously interested in the subject.
Mr. Pritchard's eyes looked past Yugen and his eyebrows knitted, thinking for a moment on how to word the answer to her question. "Uh no, I'm actually not too sure where my students come from. I don't think anyone understands DID anymore than a physicist understands the quantum world." Yugen inaudibly chortled at the comment, understanding what he meant. "Before I go, what's your nationality, if you don't mind me asking?"
"Well, my grandma is French Canadian, my granddad is Mexican, my mom of course is a mixture of both, but my dad—is Japanese." Yugen smirked at Mr. Pritchard, having a feeling had a thing for Asian women.
Mr. Pritchard's mouth curled up into a delighted smile, "I knew it." He closed his eyes, momentarily pausing. Shudder switch gone!
The new person fronting inhaled, fluttering their eyes open. Their posture changed from being upright and open, to an indistinguishable hunch, barely making eye contact. "Hello, I'm Orwell."
"Hey Orwell, it's nice to meet you." Yugen smiled warmly at the introverted, intellectual man in the light.
"Have you ever heard of the Hindu Goddess, Saraswati?" Orwell looked at Yugen's face for only a second, before averting his eyes back to the arm of the couch.
"She's the Goddess of art, music, creativity, wisdom, learning, and the consort of Brahma." Yugen stated her knowledge effortlessly, curious about where he was going with this. She thought she saw a small smile on his face, but she wasn't certain.
"Well, her Japanese counterpart goes by the name Benten—or Benzaiten. She is the Goddess of everything that flows—words, music, knowledge, even water." Orwell's soft gaze blanketed Yugen for the first time, wrapping her in fine silk, "but you're nothing like water, you're passionate and you burn—like fire, Benzaiten Fire."
Yugen gleamed at Orwell, "I find your intellect quite charming."
"You're the only one." Orwell was obviously not very social, it was evident in his posture and the way he spoke.
Yugen moved a bit closer, allowing their knees to touch. She placed a hand on his clasped hands as she gently grazed the back of her index finger under his chin, then delicately cupped his cheek. Orwell leaned into her soft touch, then she leaned forward to press a tender kiss to his lips. When Yugen moved away, Orwell huffed out a smile. Shudder switch gone!
RECOMMENDED SONG: Tapping the Vein-Butterfly(Alternate Demo Version)
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