Huh. So the Rasengan kills people.

Well shit.

—-

Ok, I'm now Sasuke Uchiha. But rather than waking up in regular Naruto, I've woken up in a world where Rasengans kill people.

By that logic that would mean fire kills people. And Sasuke was pretty good with fire. Especially with Amaterasu, the fire Jutsu that activates on sight.

Ok, this doesn't sound so bad anymore. Considering that at this point Sasuke was above a good majority of common ninjas that Amaterasu should take care of them provided they weren't too fast. And with how often people liked to talk I could just light their insides on fire. Plus I had an eternal Mangekyou so that means I could spam it as much as Obito does and not worry about going blind.

Plus I had the fucking Rinnegan now, only the top-tier ninjas could kill me!

*slap*

No! Bad me! Don't get overconfident. Yes, I had one of the most broken pairs of eyes but that doesn't mean I'm no longer human. At this point, I don't have enough chakra to properly use the Rinnegan and not get incapacitated worse than Kakashi was. And I'm still vulnerable to poison and toxins even if Orochimaru gave Sasuke a degree of resistance, so Sasori or Chiyo could kill me.

Now I just need to sit down and think. As the lack of Kabuto and my memory revealed, this world is not the same as canon. Based on current events or so Kabuto is dead and was replaced (Sasuke killed him before going for Orochimaru so he didn't matter), that Dosu guy from the Chunin Exam and Guren are in Otogakure, and surprisingly that training trip Naruto went on wasn't useless.

At our last meeting, he was actually doing a far better job against Sasuke than in canon. Exploding shadow clones were a terrifying thing to deal with in Naruto's hands and Sasuke almost resorted to Kirin but luckily Orochimaru stopped anything nasty from going on.

But the fact stands that if Naruto got stronger then that means that he and Jiraiya weren't hindered by the canon's plot. Naruto actually matured and learned. I'm honestly thankful he still wanted to bring me back as a friend rather than treat me like the criminal Sasuke was.

If I'm lucky then Naruto can get me back in the village in a state other than a body bag or stuck in Danzo's dungeon. Assuming I'd want to go there anyway.

So I have a place to go if all I wanted to do was get the hell outta here. Once there I could just spill the beans on Akatsuki and the other puppet masters, and then live a life of luxury that comes with running a clan.

But I can't just do that. There's things to do outside of Konoha. It'd be a dick move to just leave Suigetsu here, plus Sasuke did promise to set him free. If I don't eventually he'll get out and might have a bone to pick with me. Not a threat but would be annoying to deal with.

If I leave Jugo he might starve to death or get kidnapped and used for his Curse Mark, I doubt Orochimaru is the only one looking into Sage chakra. Could be a potential disaster if someone got further than Orochimaru did and mass-produced it.

And if I just leave Karin in prison, she might get pissed off that I never came for her, and I'd lose a loyal subordinate and the chance to clap her cheeks.

Then there's the brother of the year I gotta deal with. Hopefully, I can get him to cut it out with his shit and sick him on Obito. And while I'd like Kisame to help with that, I doubt it. As much as Kisame and Itachi were bros, I'm sure he's on Obito's side until I can prove the Moon plan is full of shit. But I'd have no problem offing either if I had to.

Ideally, I could just hide and wait for my chakra to stabilize and then curbstomp the problems away but I don't know how long that would take and I might miss something important that I could've impacted.

My "safest" option until I can access all of my abilities would be to follow Sasuke's plan after killing Orochimaru, which shouldn't be too hard since I know what worked and what didn't and despite losing the Curse Mark, it was made up for by having my new chakra.

So my basic plan, for now, is to get team Taka together, make sure Otogakure won't be an issue later on, cash in Orochimaru's head to Konoha and tell Jiraiya and Tsunade everything about Akatsuki, then bring Naruto and Sakura along to deal with Itachi and hopefully kill Zetsu there, then deal with the Akatsuki, and once all of that is done then hopefully the world is saved and we won't have to deal with the Otsustski or whatever else Boruto has. Maybe, I should take a bit to think about that.

Using Sasuke's memories I find where Suigetsu is being held. A room full of pods, this place was giving me some Star Wars vibes.

"It's you. I knew you'd come." Suigetsu says in his pod. "You being here means you killed Orochimaru."

"Absolutely wrong, Suigetsu." I say in Orochimaru's voice, fucking around with my tongue to mimic what he did. The Hozuki's face turns from a grin to a look of shock. "I completely erased Orochimaru so thoroughly that not even his curse marks can bring him back."

"Tch. Did you need to say it like that? You nearly gave me a heart attack!" And that look of shock turned into indignation.

"Yes. The look on your face was rather amusing." I said with a smirk. "But enough of that, let's get you outta here." Despite me never holding a sword before my body pulled it out and slashed as if I was just cutting butter. Good to see that I wouldn't have to relearn all of these reflexes. And like a dramatic swordsman, the water only came forth after I sheaved my sword.

As the water drains it's revealed that Suigetsu is no longer there. And that means he's on the floor.

"At free at last. Thank you, Sasuke."

"No problem. Now as a favor for freeing you I have something I'd like to ask."

"Oh sure, what is it?"

To that, I simply motion for him to follow me. As we walked to the room I first woke up in this world Suigetsu quickly took notice of the body on the floor.

"I always knew the guy was a freak but this is just something else. Now, what was that favor you were talking about."

"That favor is you sealing the body up."

"What. Any reason why you can't do it."

"It's disgusting and I don't want to catch whatever disease this might give me. And after you seal the body and I'll bring it into a bounty station, Orochimaru's head has to be worth millions, especially from Konoha." I say, hiding the real reason why I don't just do it myself. I'm not fucking around with seals, even one as simple as storage scrolls.

"Fine, but that makes us even for you letting me out of the tank. I'm free of that prison at last, and that means I'm free to do whatever I wanna do."

"But first we're gonna have to talk about what we do now." And here's the moment where Suigetsu does his intimidation thing with his finger on my head. I like most normal people would be freaking the hell out if they had a gun to their head but I wasn't normal anymore, I now had Sasuke's memories and they're telling me how I could get out of this, working with his own experiences and the ones I had of Suigetsu and his weaknesses.

"It's pretty simple. I'd like you to come along with me, you help me out and I help you. But if you feel like you'd rather not then I'm not going to force anything. Now could you please go get some clothes, I'm flattered that you'd want to be this close to me but I'm not interested." I don't have plot armor or are in a state to get into a fight right now, best to let Suigetsu choose what he wants to do. He wasn't too important in the grand scheme of things after all. Not to mention, he was uncomfortably close.

"Huh. Well, I was kidding with that so don't take it too personally. And I'm not interested either. Now I'm gonna go find some clothes that aren't contaminated from whatever stuff Orochimaru's been doing in here." He lets go of me with a pat on the back and heads off to find some clothes.

"Don't take too long, I'm planning on burning this place. Making sure that nothing in here comes back to bite me in the ass."

A distant "yeah" lets me know that I was heard. I turn to the monster parts of Orochimaru that we left on the floor. Sure I had confirmation from the Sage himself that Orochimaru wouldn't be a problem at all but there's nothing stopping someone from injecting the remains ala Kabuto, and there's no fucking way I'm having a repeat of that.

But I can't just throw around jutsu that I haven't done before. Yes, the body has the memory but it's better safe than sorry. I close my eyes to concentrate on my chakra, something very easy to notice since it's a feeling I've never had before. But from this body's memories, it was vastly different. Physically it was the same but obviously the spirit had changed. Not to mention having the body get used to Hagoromo's chakra and this Spark thing he said I had. Luckily for me, my chakra was stable enough for me to use basic jutsu. I then slowly perform the necessary hand signs.

Horse, serpent, ram, monkey, boar, horse, and finally tiger. I bring my hands to my mouth and blow fire from my mouth onto the corpse and the rest of the room setting them on fire.

Holy shit! I just did a Jutsu! Rather basic in this world yes I know. But as a person from a world where shit like this was only possible in various fictions? It was no Kamehameha or Heat Vision but this was still fucking incredible! I doubt I'd get used to this but I shouldn't be geeking out in the middle of a burning room, best to geek out later where none can hear me squealing.

With that, I make my way out of the burning hideout.

And now I'm just waiting for Suigetsu. I doubt that a ninja of water like Suigetsu would have any issues with a fire so it's very unlikely he dies here. So he'll either come along with me to get Zabuza's sword and help assemble Taka or he'll go get the sword alone. I hope he comes with me though, it's better not to be alone in a new and dangerous world where almost everyone is out to get you.

However, my worries are quickly swept aside as I take note of a puddle of water on the ground as soon as it appears. Glad to see that this body's reflexes are still sharp.

"I forgot to ask you. It was your squad, wasn't it? You were the ones who brought down my predecessor Zabuza Momochi. So tell me, whatever happened to his sword Kubikiribocho." Suigetsu asks as he splashes around still naked.

I get a flashback to the first C-rank mission this world's Sasuke did. When Haku came to pick up Zabuza he put him in a storage scroll and left. After that canon played out the same, the sword still ended up as Zabuza's grave. Sakura later asked why we didn't take the sword, Kakashi's reply was basically 'so we don't start an incident with Kiri'

"What, cat got your tongue? Come on I'll make you a deal. You tell me where the blade is and once I get my hands on it, I'll agree to join you on whatever you're doing."

"Sure. But seriously, get some clothes. I don't even care if you have to use a Henge, you can't go around naked like that. It'll get unwanted attention." And it might give off the wrong idea to any girl I'd be interested in and Naruto, he'd be a great bro but just a bro.

"Alright alright. Although I'm sure we'll still be getting that considering who you're talking to. But only if you know where the Executioner's Blade is."

"It was left in Wave as a mark for Zabuza's grave. But since it had been 4 years since I last saw it, it might be elsewhere. Zabuza was an infamous missing-nin and likely had enemies who'd like to take his sword." This world was a strange mix of filler and manga canon, most of the filler and movies in part one did happen, and even some of part two but not all of it. Mecha Naruto was not a thing or at least a successful thing. So the sword could be where we left it or it could be with some Gato like a mob boss.

"Then we'll head to Wave and see."

And head to Wave we did. Suigetsu was being himself along the way, pretty annoying but kind of fun too, like a murder happy Naruto minus the morals.

We made it in a few hours by casually running, with our arms sticking out while somehow looking different from all those attempts in real life.

Here it is, the Land of Waves! The mission that solidified Naruto's ideals to what they are and finally got Kakashi to start training us seriously. Wait he did what.

—

"Alright my cute little genin, I think that we all can agree that our mission to Wave was… a clusterfuck," Kakashi said pretty bluntly. "Once I had a moment to think I reflected on the mission and how we almost died many times and how unprepared we were. And as your sensei, I'm sorry for failing you. This is why starting now I'm going to take our training to the next level."

'Finally. Now I can learn something useful.' Sasuke thought.

"Finally! Now I can get a cool new Jutsu!" Naruto shouted in excitement.

"Now I won't be a burden anymore." Sakura said in determination, ready for the challenge.

"And starting now, said training is going to make you wish you all died in Wave by the time I'm done with you."

"Pssh. How bad can you possibly be Kakashi Sensei, you're too much of a bum to properly teach anything as bad as Wave. What're you gonna do, show up late for 4 hours rather than 3?" Naruto mockingly said, not at all convinced of Kakashi's threat.

Kakashi's only reply was an eye smile.

And the only reply Team 7 gave were groans as they were knocked out by wood.

—

Wow. Looked like Kakashi went ANBU captain on them and got Yamato to help, poor guys. But at least they handled the Chunin Exams better. Meaning that Naruto beat the shit out of Kiba and Neji on skill rather than a gag or the Kyuubi. And Sakura beat Ino rather easily and made it to the finals, sadly she went against some guy from Ame and lost. Turns out random no names can be actual threats too.

But enough of a memory lane that I didn't grow through, I now had to cross it. Just as I was about to take my steps on the bridge, Suigetsu burst into laughter.

I don't get it. Yeah 'The Great Naruto Bridge' was a dumb name but it wasn't that funny. Then Suigetsu started expressing his thoughts.

"Who the hell thought of that name and where is he so I can give him a prize."

Ok, it can't be that good or bad, let's take a look.

What the fuck is this.

—

"We must thank you ninja for saving our town from Gato. As a token of our appreciation, we will name the bridge after you all." Tazuna said.

"Hn. I don't need my name on some bridge. And you will absolutely not take the 'Sasuke and Sakura Forever Bridge'." Sasuke said, looking intently at Sakura.

"Thank you Tazuna but I don't have any good names," Sakura said bashfully since any name she gave might be rejected by Sasuke.

"I'm flattered but I hold a rather strong dislike of bridges and would prefer not to have one named after me. But if you're naming books, 'The Tale of Kakashi Hatake and His Cute Genin' sounds nice."

"Ooh ooh, I got one!" Naruto said, excited to give his idea.

"Kid you're the only one willing to give me a name, I'll take whatever you've got."

"Yes! But I want it to be a surprise! I'll show it off once we leave."

"Sure thing Naruto. I'll call you over once we get started on the sign."

Sasuke simply left not caring about the bridge other than the fact that it was completed.

A Week Later

"Sakura-chan, Kakashi sensei, and Sasuke, I present to you all!" Naruto shouted as he had the attention of his team on him. He paused to let a drum finish.

"Get on with it you loser. I don't have all day to wait for this." Sasuke said, rather annoyed with Naruto's theatrics.

"Oh calm down Sasuke, I think you're going to have a strong opinion on the sign." Kakashi said.

"The newly and fully completed," Naruto said and then pulled down the tarp revealing the name. "The Super Kami 5th Hokage Naruto Uzumaki, Way Better Than That Bastard Sasuke Bridge!"

"There were many things I expected Naruto to name this bridge. This. This was somehow not one of them. It's a lot shorter than I expected." The Copy Ninja said, quite dumbstruck at the name but at the same time not even trying to hide how amused he was. "You truly are a hyperactive knucklehead mcspazatron."

"Naruto! You can't just use the bridge to insult Sasuke like that you idiot!" Sakura yelled, outraged at the insult to her crush. "Don't worry Sasuke, there's no way that they'd actually keep a name as long as that." She added in an attempt to comfort her teammate. Unfortunately said teammate could only see red.

"Naruto you dead last idiot I'm going to beat the shit out of you!"

—

And much like Kakashi that day Suigetsu had a good laugh. So did I honestly. Mostly at the memories of the event, no matter how much Sasuke's brain was telling me that it wasn't, as Sasuke tried to beat a laughing Naruto to death. Of course he was held back by Kakashi, unfortunately for Naruto that didn't stop Sakura from doing the job for Sasuke.

"So you do have a sense of humor. Never knew you were into self-deprecating with how stuck up you can be."

"I do have one, I recall a heart attack I gave you the last time I showed it off."

"Yeah but that wasn't funny."

"You're just saying that because the joke was on you, I'm sure Karin would've find it funny. And right now I got something funny." I say as I walk to the sign itself.

I pick up one leg and with a good amount of effort lift it out of the ground.

"Sasuke what the hell are you doing?" Suigetsu asked, confused by my actions.

"Go get the other leg and help me turn this thing around."

"...ok" Suigetsu says, still confused but willing to help.

Once he lifts the other leg out of the ground and we switch the sign over is when I execute my delightfully devilish plan.

Making my open name for the bridge. With a monkey hand sign my hand becomes covered in lightning. I carefully write out my new name while being careful not to pierce the sign or mess my hand up. After 2 minutes my work is done.

"The Dead Last Naruto, Useless Sakura, Heartbreaker Kakashi, and Uchiha El33t Sasuke Bridge."

What better insults to steal use than stale memes and fanon. Although it is in Japanese rather than English so that made it rather annoying to write out.

"I'm sorry but last I checked, words weren't written with numbers in it. Why the hell are there two 3's in elite?"

"Because I'm an Uchiha Eleet and can spell however the hell I feel like it."

"More like u not no how to spell."

"Like you they taught you how to spell words other than 'bloody', 'mist', and 'seven swords' in Kiri."

"A blade can speak far more than a pen and paper. And murder is all I need to speak."

"Ring, ring. What's this? Fuinjutsu just called, they want the Seven Swords of the Mist back. Especially the one that's just a bunch of exploding tags on a stick."

"A bunch of exploding tags on a stick?! As soon as I get all Seven Swords, I'll show you how far above any fuinjutsu they can be! Besides, that stuff didn't stop the Uzumaki from getting wiped out by Kiri and the Seven Swords now did it?"

Last I checked that required Iwa and Kumo in addition to Kiri to pull off, but then again that was fanon and for all I know that actually happened. Things were already different than canon.

I'm pretty sure if the Uzumaki were truly as frightening with seals as they were said to be then perhaps they'd still be here to make Suigetsu eat his words right now. After all, water was sealable. But Naruto and maybe Karin could do that in their place if they hear about it. But rather than voice any of that I just said something else.

"If you can name a sword that would successfully bring the dead back to life, summon the Shinigami itself, or seal away Biju, then I'll happily eat my eyeballs and call Itachi oni-chan."

"Samehada could-"

"I said, would, as in no question about it. Not every wielder is Kisame level of bullshit."

"What does it matter to you anyway? Last I check you're no Senju or Uzumaki so you shouldn't be trying to be a white samurai for something you don't specialize in."

"Just pointing out how strange you Kiri folk are by obsessing over a bunch of sticks vaguely related to a sword. But enough of this, let's go get the actual sword before we get sidetracked again." And so I ran off before another we got into another debate on the sticks Kishimoto called swords.