Disclaimers: Naruto isn't mine. This is purely a fanfic using someone else's characters.
Warnings: This story includes strong language, violence, angst, references to suicide/ suicide attempts, sexual content (yaoi of course), & referenced/ depicted child abuse.
Author Note:
While I am a fan of Metallica, and it is a great song, I didn't use the phrase "for whom the bell tolls" as my title for that reason. The phrase actually comes from an essay written by a poet named John Donne in the 1600s. It refers to funeral bells being heard, and someone wondering who has passed away. His answer is that death affects us all, not just the person who passed. In this story, you will see how a tragic death has impacted another, which in turn has an impact on so many others' lives.
Inevitably, the bell tolls for us all.
More often than you think.
For Whom the Bell Tolls
Chapter 1: Dead Ringer
"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."
-Anais Nin
- - -
This world is an ugly, cruel place.
It never deserved him.
And maybe it knew all along. Maybe that is why it lashed out at his very existence, why it made life so unbearable for him.
Because this world was never good enough.
He shouldn't have been here in the first place, shouldn't have been subjected to such cruelty, shouldn't have been left to face it on his own. And yet..
He did.
He suffered.
He fought.
And.. he lost.
- - -
Sasuke did his best to keep his head down and his mouth shut as he moved through the halls in Konoha Academy. He didn't crave attention, he didn't desire friendship, and he had absolutely no interest in forming lasting relationships with the people around him. He had been labeled as someone to be avoided or ridiculed, there was no in-between. And frankly, he didn't need there to be. Cruelty was like a consistent shadow for him. He couldn't escape it. It was a part of him. One he had simply come to accept.
It was easier that way.
Why waste time hoping for a better life when there was no chance of things changing. It was easier to accept what was left and maintain a numb state of apathy towards everything else. Easier and wiser.
Sasuke refused to be led astray by a weak heart again.
A faded image, like a photo long forgotten outside and distorted by a relentless sun, filled his mind. He could see a boy- with bright, sea-blue eyes and a thick mane of honey-colored locks. The boy looked up at him with a smile that instantly consumed his face and the empty space in Sasuke's heart. A small hand reached out to him, palm-up, eager to connect.
There was so much trust in the gesture.
So much misplaced trust..
Sasuke shook his head. He refused to let his memories haunt or distract him. He would not succumb to past desires and regrets.
It was far too late for that.
Sasuke slipped into his classroom and ignored the glances and whispers as he made his way to his seat. He dropped his head on his hand and gazed out the window, focusing on the chirping outside over the chattering within.
"Wasn't he in one of those places?"
"Yeah, I hear he had a mental breakdown."
"What- you mean like he's insane?"
"Yeah, but he's pretty hot. I hear the crazy ones are better in bed."
"Oh my god, you are terrible!"
Sasuke sighed, and let his mind wander, soaring through branches and into the cerulean sky- away from the onlookers and their never-ending judgment.
- - -
Naruto was nervous, to say the least. He had never lived in a small town before, and he wasn't quite sure he was cut out for it.
He had always enjoyed being seen and heard and social, a trait he could easily carry into a smaller place, but there was also something truly magical about being completely and utterly anonymous. You could blend into a crowd of people in a city and become one of many- a face in an endless sea of them. He enjoyed escaping into it, blending into the masses when he needed to. He had a feeling he wouldn't be able to do that in a small town.
Putting aside his childish antics and unmatched energy, his appearance was just as loud and drew just as much attention. Massive blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, and scars like whiskers on a bright face- he was hard to miss. But he was still able to fade in the city. When he needed to. Mostly when people wandered back into their homes at the end of the day, when night settled into the metropolis. Bright businesses would fill the darkness, like stars in a night sky, but it didn't quite illuminate the blonde the way the sunlight did. And in the shadows, he could lose himself- forget his past and his fears and become utterly immersed in something far grander than himself.
The little town of Konoha would allow him no such luxury. He was the new kid, the one with the scars, the rambunctious teenager whose hair and outfit choices were as boisterous as his laughter. He'd be noticed, he'd be seen.
It was unavoidable.
In a place like this, he couldn't hide- his scars, his past, his insecurities. Eventually it would all come to light. All he could do in the meantime was hope that his dazzling smile, fake or otherwise, and his charming personality, would win them over. And that it would distract them from the rest.
One can hope, right?
Naruto held onto the thought as he slipped his backpack strap over his head and adjusted it against his chest. He took a deep breath and dragged his fingers through his hair, disheveling the blonde mess even more. "Ok" he told himself, "you've got this. You've got this.."
He waved goodbye to his adoptive dad and gave a distracted nod to whatever encouragement he had said, unable to focus on anything besides the knot in his gut and his pulse pounding in his temple.
"Yeah, see you later" he murmured as he stepped through the gateway and towards his new school.
His eyes flitted from the massive brick building to the gaping doors waiting to swallow him whole. He continued to look around, noting the thick oaks hovering nearby and a squirrel couple arguing just off the walkway. It was a beautiful courtyard, definitely more beautiful than what he had expected. But it still screamed small town. Even though he was early, if he was back in the city things wouldn't have been so tame and picturesque. He could definitely appreciate the quiet peacefulness of a morning in this place, but he honestly missed the chaos.
Just one more thing to get used to, I guess.
Naruto stepped into his awaiting high school and padded down a short hall. The floor was grey and tiled, and the walls were the same red brick as the exterior with various flyers and inspirational posters on display. Quite a change from the concrete monstrosity that his last school had been.
He paused outside of a door with a small plaque that read: Office and Administration. "Alright" he murmured, "this is it." He took a calming breath, crossed his fingers, and brought them close to his lips. Everything will be ok.
Then he grabbed the doorknob, gave it a sharp twist, and stepped inside.
- - -
After spending an absurd amount of time hearing about school protocols, and nodding mindlessly at the monotone breakdown of the building layout and his schedule, Naruto was finally released to the wolves.
"Take this dear" a woman called from behind the front desk.
He glanced over and saw a voluptuous blonde woman in a scandalously low-cut top holding out a slip of paper for him. Naruto walked over, mindful not to look at the intense amount of cleavage hanging in front of his face, and took it from her with a smile.
"Make sure your teacher gets that" she said, sitting back in her chair, "that's to make sure you're not marked tardy."
"Right. Thank you, umm-"
"Ms. Tsunade."
"Right, thank you ma'am" he said politely. Then he turned and pushed past the door, beyond happy to be free of the stuffy office.
It took some time and several wrong turns, but Naruto finally spotted his classroom. Jesus Christ, finally!
He started to rush forward, but a new wave of anxiety hit that slowed his steps as he approached the door. I was here early, but all of that office shit took forever..
This would have been so much easier if I could have just walked in with everyone else.
He wanted friends and attention, but not like this. Being put on display as the new kid was uncomfortable, and somewhat degrading. It really just gave the class ample opportunity to start bad-mouthing you before you even had a chance to get to know any of them.
It's not like you can avoid it though.
Naruto crossed his fingers and brought them close to his lips. "Make some friends" he whispered. He nodded to himself as he smoothed down his long blonde hair close to his cheeks, hiding his scars the best he could, then pulled open the door and stepped inside. The room instantly fell silent, which was extremely uncomfortable. Naruto found himself staring at his feet, avoiding eye contact with them for as long as possible.
"Ahh! There he is- our new student."
He glanced up and was surprised to find a large white-haired man smiling down at him. His grin was as massive and fox-like as Naruto's, and his face was far more youthful than what one would expect from someone with a mass of winter locks.
Naruto liked him immediately.
He held out the note as he approached his new teacher, a crooked grin pulling at his cheeks. "Sorry I'm late. I was in the office and-"
"No need to say more, kid. I'm sure they talked themselves hoarse. What a bunch of-" He paused suddenly and grinned. "Ha.. yeah. Anyways, how about we get the introductions out of the way."
He grabbed Naruto firmly by the shoulder and spun him around. "Alright, class- listen up. This here is Naruto Uzumaki. He will be joining our homeroom. Make sure you show him a nice welcome, alright?"
"Welcome!" the class called back, clearly a taught response. Naruto didn't mind.
"Thank you, everyone."
"Alright. Naruto, you'll have time to get to know them later. I'm Mr. Jiraiya, by the way. Let me know if you need anything."
"Thank you" he said again.
"Ok, I think we'll have you sit back by Sasuke." He pointed to a collection of desks in the back row by the window. "Uchiha, raise your hand."
His eyes still fixed on the exciting world past the windowpane, Sasuke raised his hand.
Jiraiya sighed. "Cheerful as ever" he mumbled. "Alright, kid. Take the seat next to him."
He patted Naruto on the back and the blonde moved to follow his instructions. He kept his head down as he walked down the aisle, but several students had noticed the scars and murmurs were already starting. Great. He hurried to his seat and pulled his backpack over his head, dropping it down to the floor before settling into his chair.
Jiraiya had already started his lecture, and Naruto had already lost interest in it. Instead, he turned his attention to the guy sitting next to him. Long raven-colored hair moved listlessly with the breeze slipping in from the partially opened window. His face was angular, his skin fair- beautiful even. Long lashes fluttered over deep obsidian eyes, which stayed transfixed on the trees swaying outside. Naruto's eyes slipped from the guy's rather alluring face to his hands, folded neatly on his desk. His fingers were long and pale, a pianist's dream- and a sharp contrast to his dark clothing.
He looks like he belongs in a freaking Victorian painting.
Naruto knew he was staring, but he didn't exactly know how to stop himself. Truth be told, he wondered what it would feel like to be seen by the guy, to be close to him.. to be his friend. "Hey.." he whispered, leaning in to avoid their teacher overhearing. "Umm.. I'm Naruto."
Sasuke sighed and turned his head, a glare already in place for the student who had yet to realize how things worked here. That Sasuke should be avoided- both admired and criticized from afar. But the moment he saw the blonde, all of his frustration faded- leaving him feeling cold and empty.
No…
It's not him.
It can't be.
He's.. he's gone.
Sasuke knew that was true, and yet he couldn't stop his heart from lurching out of his chest at the sight of him. He could feel his mouth go dry, his stomach clench painfully. He had the sudden urge to grab the blonde and pull him close, to hold him and never ever let go.
It can't be him, I know that, but.. fuck- I mean, he looks exactly like him.
"Do I-" he swallowed, forcing down the emotions climbing up the back of his throat, "do I know you?" Sasuke could see the confusion flickering in those blue eyes- eyes so like the ones that constantly tormented his mind and haunted his dreams.
"I.. I don't think so" Naruto replied slowly. "Your name is Sasuke, right?" When he saw the raven's expression change, he quickly added, "That's just what Mr. Jiraiya said."
"What is your name..?" Sasuke asked quietly.
"Oh, uh- it's Naruto."
"Naruto" Sasuke repeated slowly, as if savoring every syllable. "Naruto.."
It's not him.
You know it's not.
"Naruto?"
The blonde tilted his head. "Hmm?"
Sasuke's eyes hardened. "Sit somewhere else tomorrow."
Author Note:
And just like that another stories begins.
I've been working on this one for a while, to be honest, but it took some time for the pieces to come together. I hope you enjoy it :)
Also, yes- Naruto's crossed finger wishes are the closest this story gets to the shinobi world. He considers it luck- you may choose to see it as a jutsu ;) I don't know.. just being creative with it.
Alright, my lovelies. Shall we?