Grief and Nightmares
Everything was spinning and my head was still pounding when I began to wake up; and the inconsistent bobbing up and down certainly wasn't helping. I cracked my eyes open slowly to see my legs dangling in front of me and the hexagonal walls of the Tardis passing by. I was being carried by someone, but who? I couldn't feel the scratchy texture of the Doctor's jacket, and while I'm sure Amy was strong I don't think she was strong enough to hold me. However, a glance up at a bowtie quickly put any questions of identity to rest.
"Doc?" I mumbled, shifting slightly in his arms. The Time Lord looked down and smiled gently at me.
"How're you feeling, Ginny?" he asked as we turned left and entered my room. The lights were dimmed and my bed was once again no longer lofted.
"My head feels like a teacup ride," I said, looking down at my freshly bandaged arm, "Where's your tweed? You're in a lab coat."
"Dizziness is common in moderate concussions, so that checks out," he seemed to ignore my question as he placed me down on the bed, "And we've just come from the infirmary, to answer your question. This is my doctor's coat." He spun a bit so that the tail of the lab coat flew up.
"Any coat you wear is a doctor's coat though." The dizziness and brain fog were making sitting upright a herculean effort, but leaning against my bed's headboard seemed to help. I winced a bit as the Doctor held his sonic up to my eyes. The noise and light were doing nothing for my headache so I tried my best to bat it away. Thankfully, he got the message pretty quickly.
"Fortunately for you though, Time Lords figured out a very quick fix for concussions," he said, pocketing his noisemaker and sitting in front of me.
"Anything to help with my head, Doctor," I said, "Go on. Get it over with."
"But I haven't even explained what I'm going to do."
"Did I stutter?" At this point I had to keep my eyes closed to combat the dizziness. After a moment I heard him sigh before feeling his hands cupped around my ears and his forehead against mine. He drew a sharp breath and as I felt his hands flatten against my head I heard a loud popping sound. Within and instant everything stopped spinning, and as I opened my eyes the no longer fuzzy visage of the Doctor fiddled with his screwdriver.
"Feeling better?" he asked, and I nodded, "Good. Now, I just need to ask you a few questions and then I'll let you rest, okay?"
"Okay," I said, bringing my legs up to sit criss-crossed on my bed, "Fire away."
The Doctor reached into his pocket and handed me a small red box. I opened it, and on a velvet cushion rested a yellow gold ring with a singular diamond.
"Do you know what that is?" the Doctor asked as I handed the box back to him.
"Amy's engagement ring," I said, looking down at my bedsheets, "Rory didn't want her to lose it, so he kept it in the Tardis."
"So you remember Rory?"
"Yeah. He's… he's gone though, isn't he?"
"Yes."
"And Amy doesn't remember him, does she?"
I glanced up to see a pained look cross the Doctor's face, then he shook his head. I sighed and looked up at the stars projected on my ceiling. Sure, I knew Rory would be coming back, but I couldn't go telling him that. It was something he'd have to find out himself, otherwise the whole thing with the Pandorica could go up in smoke. I couldn't dwell on it for much longer before the Doctor asked something else.
"Now, for my next question," he pointed to my forehead, "When you looked into the crack you went into some kind of trance. Do you remember any of that?"
I racked my brain for any memories that seemed trance-like, but for some reason I couldn't recall anything. I could remember the intense burning, everything going white, and then waking up on the Tardis and that was it. I shook my head.
"All I can remember is everything being white around me, then something pushing me back onto the Tardis," I said, then thought for a moment, "Doctor, what pushed me back onto the Tardis?"
The Doctor didn't say anything for a moment, dread sweeping across his face. He simply offered his hand and led me back to the control room. He didn't talk for the duration of our walk, and his silence began to worry me.
Was there something I did? Was there something I didn't do? I started to overthink every insignificant action that brought me to where I was now, but I was stopped short when the Doctor sat me down on one of the chairs in the control room and swiveled the monitor over in my direction.
"Ginny, I think it might be easier to show you what happened rather than tell you," the Doctor said, typing something into a keyboard, "But I should warn you it will probably break your heart."
I thought for a moment about whether I really wanted to know, but eventually recalled something I'd hear the Doctor say in the future.
"Better a broken heart than no heart at all," I said, then nodded, "Show me what happened."
The screen flashed to life and displayed a small line of text along the bottom.
"VISUAL ONLY. NO AUDIO RECORDED."
It was the interior of the Tardis and the Doctor just kicked the doors open with Amy on one arm and someone else on his other. The other person was a teenage boy, a few inches taller than the Doctor with curly brown hair and wearing a bright red flannel shirt.
Thomas. It was Thomas. How the hell could I forget Thomas? Then everything started flooding back to my mind. His hands working to free me from the time energy, the way he kissed me, and the way he sacrificed himself for me. He asked me not to forget him, and I couldn't even do that. I looked down from the monitor at my socks as tears began to form in my eyes.
"Ginny I am so, so sorry," the Doctor said from beside me. He tried to rest his hand on my shoulder but I quickly retracted from him, anger beginning to mix unhealthily with my grief. I looked up and saw sympathy in his green eyes, but somehow it made me feel worse.
"Why didn't you stop him?" I asked, rising to my feet, "You locked the Tardis door, why the hell didn't you stop him?!"
He didn't answer me. Why wouldn't he answer me? I shoved him out of frustration.
"Why didn't you stop him, Doctor?!" I was practically shouting by now. He still wouldn't say anything; he simply reached into my overalls' front pocket and retrieved my sonic screwdriver. I looked at it for a moment as he handed it to me, then the realization set in.
"I tried, Ginny," he said grimly, "But there was no stopping him."
He then retrieved something from his jacket pocket and placed it into my hand. It was small, made of plastic and multisided. When I looked down to find the galaxy colored d20 that Thomas gave me, everything around me just began to crumble. I fell backwards onto the stairs as grief hit me like a truck. The sadness was so overpowering I could barely even speak. I just pulled my knees up to my chest and wept uncontrollably. I felt myself being pulled in for a hug, but I didn't have the energy to reciprocate.
"I barely knew him," I sobbed, "Why would he do that for someone who barely knew him?"
The Doctor didn't offer an answer, only continuing to hold me in a comforting embrace and occasionally running a hand up and down my back. I lost track of how long sat there after ten or so minutes. While I was very thankful for the Doctor's company, part of me knew he probably had other things to take care of; so when I was no longer able to feel his arms around me it didn't really come as a surprise. What did surprise me, however, were my surroundings when I looked up.
Instead of the control room I found myself lying in front of a roaring campfire. I sat up slowly, trying desperately to get my bearings but jumped back in fright when I found myself staring straight at a Roman solider. Reflexively, I brought my arms up over my face expecting the soldier to draw his sword, but that never happened. I hesitantly lowered my defenses to find that he hadn't even acknowledged me; only continuing to look into the fire. I slowly crept closer to him and waved a hand in front of his face. I flinched a bit when he blinked, but when he didn't react any further I figured it was a coincidence.
Rising to my feet, I began to survey my surroundings. I was in a small forest clearing at nighttime at what appeared to be a military camp. Eight tents encircled the campfire like spokes on a wheel, and I could see the shadows of other soldiers cast onto the sides of the tents. Conversations occurred all around me, varying in topic from what the next meal would consist of to different battle strategies to practice; but one conversation in particular caught my interest more than the others.
"Any word from the Emperor, brother?" A familiar voice asked. I spun quickly on my heels to find Rory Williams, dawning full centurion armor, walking towards another solider on horseback. The second soldier dismounted and handed Rory a scroll.
"Relocation orders, brother mine," I gasped the moment I heard Thomas speak. The second soldier removed his hooded cloak to reveal a curly mop of hair, blond roots peeking out from what I once thought to be his natural dark brown.
He's okay. Thank god he's okay! I thought.
Relocation? Where to?" Rory asked, walking with his brother towards a tent.
"To Britain," Thomas said, "We're to depart for Rome at first light and sail for Britain immediately upon arrival." Thomas then entered the tent, with Rory following behind him.
"Britain, eh?" Rory said, "May Neptune bless our journey."
I tried running to join them in the tent, but no matter how much I moved my legs I didn't get any closer; it was like running on a treadmill, but more floaty. Calling out to them didn't work either. I couldn't produce any noise despite how hard I screamed. I looked around me frantically trying to get someone's attention, but to my horror the Roman camp began to melt around me; dripping down like condensation on a window until only a black void remained. I tried calling out for somebody, anybody to respond, and eventually someone did. Someone was calling my name. It started quiet, barely a whisper, but it quickly grew louder and louder in volume until my surroundings began shaking. The noise no longer sounded like someone calling my name but more like a clanging cymbal. The last thing I remember doing was covering my ears before I was suddenly back on the Tardis.
"Ginny! Ginny, you're okay. You were just having a nightmare!" I heard the Doctor trying to calm me down. I sat up panting and looked around my hurriedly. I was back in my bedroom, the lights were dimmed, and a very concerned looking Time Lord was sat at my bedside handing me a blue mug with something warm inside.
"What happened?" I asked, "We were in the control room and now…"
"You fell asleep while crying so I brought you back here," the Doctor said, "I was on my back from the kitchen when you started screaming."
Is that why I couldn't make any noise in the dream about the camp? I thought, realizing just how sore my throat was.
"It wasn't a nightmare," I said, taking a sip out of the mug. Its contents were very floral tasting, but left a sweet, honey-like aftertaste in my mouth.
"Eh?"
"The dream I was having before you woke me up," I clarified, "It wasn't a nightmare."
"Then what had you screaming so loud?"
I took another sip from my mug and recounted what I saw in the dream; everything from the location, to seeing Rory and Thomas, to everything melting around me. The Doctor said it was probably my mind trying to subconsciously process its grief, but I knew better. I knew that Rory and Thomas were okay, and thanks to my foreknowledge I knew we'd see them again. I'd just have to wait patiently for a bit.
"What've I been drinking, anyways?" I asked, finishing off the contents of my mug and setting it down on my nightstand.
"Chamomile tea with a bit of honey," the Doctor said, "The chemical compounds are supposed to help with stress relief and more restful sleep."
"Wait, that was tea?" I asked, "But that was… good." I saw the Doctor look almost offended and immediately began backpedaling, "Not that most tea isn't good! It's just that my past experience with tea has been really limited!"
"Don't worry, Ginny," the Doctor smiled and laughed slightly, "We'll make a tea-drinker out of you, yet. For now though, I'll let you rest." He got up from the chair and began to walk toward the door. "If you need anything I'll be in the library, okay?"
"Okay. G'night, Doc."
Once the door closed behind him I started to settle back into bed, but I quickly became aware of the distinct feeling of denim against bedsheets; I was still in my outfit from our adventure with the Silurians. I pulled my bedding back and propelled myself to the closet, finding that the Tardis already had a pair of black shorts and a purple t-shirt with moth decals set out, ready for me to change into.
"Guess you're eager for me to change too, old girl?" I asked up to the ceiling. I never got a verbal answer in response, but then my dirty overalls and sweater began to dematerialize off of me.
"I'll take that as a yes." I said, quickly changing into my provided pajamas, "And thank you for not doing that while the Doctor was in the room. That would've been really awkward."
From the closet I then made my way to the bathroom; where I washed any remaining makeup off my face and brushed my teeth. Then finally, after my nightly routine completed, I pulled the covers back over my head and tried to go back to sleep.
I was lying in a valley looking up at the clouds passing by. A gentle breeze persuaded the tall grass and wildflowers to sway gently to and fro. I sighed contently, putting my arms up and resting behind them behind my head. One flower in particular, a blue cornflower, drew my focus as it seemed to sway faster than the others.
"That one's rather hyper, yeah?" Thomas asked, rolling over onto his side to face me. I turned to my left to meet his gaze.
"Yeah I was about to say! It sure is moving quickly," I said, scooting closer to him and looking back up at the clouds, "I think it's the only thing in this valley in a hurry."
"Oh, Ginny. Are you sure about that?"
Thomas sat up slowly and looked down at me; his upper body blocking my view of the clouds. The blue cornflower kept swaying faster than the others as the wind picked up. I tried to sit up as well, but when I tried to push myself up Thomas pinned my arms down against the ground.
"Because you were certainly in a hurry to forget me. Weren't you, Ginny?" Thomas asked, his voice monotone and his face concealed by wildly swinging blades of grass.
"No. No, I remembered you though. You're okay! You're in Rome with your brother!" I said, my voice sending ripples through my surroundings and causing them to shift into the Roman camp at night. We were standing now, and Thomas was a few steps in front of me with his back turned.
"Are you really gonna believe a silly dream you had after crying yourself to sleep?"
"Yes, because I know how things are going to play out because—"
"BECAUSE IT WAS A SHOW!?" Thomas's voice shook everything around us, "You said it yourself. I wasn't originally a character. How can you be so certain I'm okay?"
I walked towards Thomas, reaching out a hand to comfort him; only for his body to melt around my arm the moment I made contact. I tried to pull my arm back, but it wouldn't budge no matter how hard I tugged.
Suddenly Thomas's body began to sway back and forth like one of the flowers in the valley. It started slowly at first, but he soon began to pick up speed like the blue cornflower. I could hear his bones snap and crackle as they broke from the wild movements; and because my arm had fused into his back, I began to be tossed around like a rag doll. The last thing that I can recall was the sickening snap of someone's neck before I woke up.
I lurched forward in bed gasping for air, my heart racing as I frantically looked around me. My bedroom; I was back in my bedroom on the Tardis. I slowly began to take deep breaths in an effort to calm myself down, but all my effort went right out the window when my door was practically broken down by someone. I wasn't able to see who it was though; out of fight or flight I chose fight and began throwing pillows at whoever the intruder was. I rolled quickly onto the other side of my bed where a pile of stuffed animals resided, but before I could send one into orbit the intruder made his identity known.
"PUT. THE PANDA. DOWN." the Doctor demanded, clutching my pillow in one hand and fixing his hair with the other. I slowly rested the plush bear on my bed and walked around to apologize. "Blimey Ginny, do you keep bricks in these?"
"No, I… I think it's some kind of memory foam. Sorry." I stammered, taking my pillow back, "I, um, I had a nightmare and…it was pretty bad. And you bursting in all of a sudden didn't do me any favors so… yeah. Sorry, again."
"It's alright. I kind of figured it was one of those anyways. Heard you screaming again all the way from the library," he held up a small book in the hand he had my pillow in, "Didn't even have a chance to start this one. But, maybe that's a good thing!"
"Good thing how, Doctor?" I asked, sitting down on the edge of my bed. I watched incredulously as the Time Lord rolled a desk chair over to my bedside, then hurried over to my bookshelf.
"I don't like the idea of you having another nightmare," he began to bring a small skyscraper of books over to my nightstand, "So it's a good thing I didn't start this one in there because now I can read it to you while I make sure you get a full night's rest."
"Wait what? Doctor, I'm sixteen. I'm a little too old for bedtime stories."
"Ah, but that's where you're wrong, Parks," he leaned closer and booped my nose, "No one is ever too old for a bedtime story. Now, you get comfortable, and I'll keep the bad dreams away, eh?"
I laughed and shook my head, not having the brainpower to go against a stubborn Time Lord at the moment. So with a yawn I nestled back into bed, pulling my blankets back over me and holding the panda plush close.
"G'night, Doc," I said through another yawn. The Doctor smiled before turning his attention to the book.
"Goodnight, Virginia," he said, "Right then. Chapter One: In Which Sophie Talks to Hats."
A/N: So yeah, I figured some fluff was needed after I ended the last chapter the way I did so here ya go! Sorry it took a bit long to get this one to y'all btw! Caught a bit of a cold while on a small trip and my brain has been mush because of it... Next chapter(s) will probably be more original material before Vincent and the Doctor, so have that to look forward to! See y'all in the next one!