Everybody in the temple could feel the raw pain and power that Luke projected into the Force. A few members of the Jedi Council were in the middle of discussing what to do with these strange Force sensitive children. They were trying to figure out how they could have missed these young ones before now. They had just come out of nowhere.
They were also discussing just what should be done with them. They all agreed that it was too late to train the teenagers to be Jedi. They'd been forced to make an exception for Anakin, and while he was a skilled Jedi, he struggled to restrain and control his emotions, and it frequently caused issues. Everybody on the Jedi Council, even those who thought that it would be better to train the children, knew that they were too driven by emotions to understand their philosophies.
Obi-Wan had brought up a good point that it was too risky to not teach them. At the very least the children needed to know how to protect themselves from the Sith, or anybody else who wanted to take advantage of them.
When they felt Luke's despair and grief through the Force they knew that immediate action needed to be taken, or else the boy was going to end up hurting himself.
Mace Windu felt sympathy for the boy, and he volunteered to find and calm him before his beacon in the Force attracted real trouble to him.
Finding Luke wasn't difficult. Mace thought he'd be able to find him with his eyes closed. The boy's light shone so brightly, but Mace knew that the brightest lights cast the darkest shadows. He didn't think the boy was falling to the Dark Side of the Force, he was still far too bright for that. But he was hurting, and subconsciously clinging to the Force for comfort. But that wasn't quite what the Force was for. It didn't ease emotions, it amplified them.
Through meditation somebody could use the Force to focus on the good and let go of the negative, and the Force would help them through it. But if someone's negative emotions were overwhelming, and they were projected into the Force like this, it would amplify them and make it even more difficult to calm down.
Luke didn't have the training to calm himself. He needed help, and Mace knew that he was in a unique position to do just that.
He walked down the halls, sending curious padawans and young knights on their way when he saw them heading in Luke's direction. The boy needed his privacy right now, because when someone was projecting negatively into the Force, they were more in tune with it in general, and they could feel it when someone judged or patronized them for losing control, and that would just make their negative emotions grow. Mace could control himself, but there was no guarantee that anybody else who stumbled upon Luke would be able to do the same.
He found the boy curled in on himself in an alcove, just barely out of sight. If it wasn't for the fact that his light was still a beacon that they could all feel, Mace would have walked right past him. As it was he sat down on the ground, putting himself close to the boy, but not coaxing him to come out before he was ready.
"Tell me what is troubling you, young one." Mace said.
"Leave me alone." Luke growled. It felt like the boy was trying to push him away, but he didn't know how. Mace couldn't just leave him in this vulnerable state.
"You are hurt." Mace said. "I cannot make the pain stop. You're the only one who can do that, but I am here to guide you, but I need you to let me."
Luke was quiet for a long minute, and Mace wondered if the boy would let him in. Finally Luke sighed.
"I'm just so tired." Luke said. He sounded so young, and Mace could feel him projecting his sadness and grief. Mace knew those feelings far too well. He didn't know what was upsetting Luke, but he still understood.
"Senator Amidala said you've been having nightmares." Mace said in an attempt to get the boy to open up.
"Anakin said they were Force visions." Luke said. "But I didn't see the future." Mace felt grief, as well as fury from him. He wasn't happy with Anakin. Mace could understand the feeling. Skywalker was incredibly gifted, but he was still so naive and arrogant, and that was a dangerous combination. Mace liked Skywalker well enough, but his actions could be infuriating.
Mace didn't question how Luke knew for certain that he hadn't seen the future, because that wasn't the most important part of this.
"Force visions are more complicated than just images of how things will be." Mace said. "They can be, sometimes, but they can also be images of how they may be. Sometimes we can see things that have already happened, but from another perspective. There are even plenty of records of people having visions that are like any other dream, full of impossibilities, symbols, and metaphors."
"Why do they happen?" Luke asked.
"Often, it's because the Force is trying to tell us something." Mace said. "But the message isn't always clear. I've known people who spent their lives chasing a false interpretation of a vision. And sometimes when people try to avoid a poor outcome, their actions are what cause it to happen in the first place."
Luke made a sound like a sob. "What could the Force possibly be telling me through this torture?"
"It might be nothing." Mace said.
"My nightmares aren't nothing." Luke snapped.
"That wasn't what I meant." Mace said gently. "I know your nightmares are causing you grief." Everybody could feel it. "However, it's possible that it isn't a Foce vision. Sometimes our dreams are just dreams, but if something weighs on our mind, we may project it into the Force in our sleep, and it strengthens those concerns and makes them more real."
Luke was quiet for a long time as he seemed to think it through. "No." He said finally. "Something I saw, it wasn't something I knew before. I only learned about it after."
"What did you see?" Mace asked again. Luke hesitated, but he could still feel grief from the boy. It was a familiar pain. A deep one that was hard to let go. Mace had another idea. If he wanted the boy to open up to him, then he needed to do so first.
Mace stood up and stepped in front of the alcove, though he made sure to not block Luke in. He held a hand out to the boy. Luke looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes.
"Come with me." Mace said. "There's someone I want to show you." Luke looked frightened and overwhelmed, but he took his hand and Mace pulled him up on his feet. They started to make their way back down the halls. Mace put a simple shield around Luke's presence, just to keep him safe from curious and wandering eyes.
The Jedi had a strict code, and a consequence of that was that they sometimes had a tendency to judge those that didn't meet their standards. Mace knew he was guilty of just this. They all tried their best, but when somebody spends their whole lives training and honing their own control, and then they meet someone with the same power, but nowhere near the amount of control, it could be easy to think 'I can control myself. Why can't they?' It took a lot of self-awareness and discipline to recognize this flaw, let alone make improvements.
Mace led them through the halls that he knew would be emptier, even though there was a more direct route to their destination. Avoiding crowds was important during this sensitive time for Luke.
The boy started to calm down just a little bit. He wasn't letting go of his pain, it just wasn't as raw as before. Next time he had a nightmare or came upon a trigger, it would all come back in an instant. He needed true healing. In that way, their destination was appropriate.
They returned to the Halls of Healing, though this time they went to another section of rooms that were a little less private, but for more intensive care. There were a few bacta tanks, though only one of them was currently in use. Mace was relieved to see that young Caleb Dune wasn't in here. He didn't have a problem with the youngling visiting, but they needed privacy right now.
"Luke, this is Depa Billaba." Mace said. He looked at his old padawan, still in her coma after several months.
"Is she okay?" Luke asked, genuine concern in his voice. He was hurting so much, and yet he was worried about a total stranger.
"I hope she will be." Mace said. "She got very hurt in a battle months ago, and she's been healing since then. I just know that her soul is just as hurt as her body was, but until she wakes up we can't help her spirit heal. All I can do is wait, and hope that she gets better."
Luke looked at Depa for a bit before he turned his gaze to Mace, sympathy still in his eyes. "You care about her."
"In many ways she's like a child to me." Mace said. It was the best way he could explain the relationship between a master and padawan to someone who didn't know much about their culture. "Knowing that she got so hurt, and I can't save her from that pain, it's like a part of me has been ripped away."
Mace looked at Depa's face. "I don't even know if she'll wake up. I hope with everything I have, and I won't give up on her, but I've had to accept the possibility that she'll slip away." He didn't like to think about Depa dying, but being in denial of the chance would just make it hurt more should the worst happen.
Luke wasn't trained in the Force, but Mace could feel his presence trying to connect with his. The boy was instinctively reaching out to provide comfort. Mace reached out and closed the connection, forming a tentative bond that was made of pain and compassion.
"My grandmother died." Luke said quietly. "Years before I was even born. I'd always known about it, but a few weeks ago I learned just how bad it was, and then the nightmares started. I feel all of it. Her pain. Her fear. Her…her rape. I feel it all every time I try to sleep, and I just want it to stop."
Mace's heart broke for this boy. Nobody deserved to go through something like this. Especially not someone so young and full of kindness and light.
"And then I get stolen from my home, and everything is so bright, and loud, and I can't even rest when I'm awake." Luke sounded like someone who was at the edge of his rope. He carried a lot of pain with him, and if he didn't let it go then he would end up drowning in it.
There was supposed to be a balance in the Force, between the light and the dark. Peace, and emotion. Many Jedi were able to find a balance of sorts within themselves, but it was difficult to find as a whole. They all disagreed on where the middle ground was, and if they fought about it then it would push the opposing parties closer to one side or another. It was why, as a group, the Jedi focused on the light, and then supported each other when one of them crept closer to the dark.
Mace had been able to find his own balance. He didn't run from his feelings, or deny that he had them. He cared for people, and he even formed close bonds. But he didn't let those relationships define who he was. It was only because of that that he was able to function from day to day while Depa was in a coma, even though a part of him wanted to do nothing except stay in this room every minute of every day until she woke up.
"Have you allowed yourself to grieve?" Mace asked. Luke gave him a look of pure confusion.
"I've felt nothing but grief for weeks." Luke said.
"Grief like this is a process." Mace said. "Sorrow and anger are the most difficult steps to get past, but if you don't move on, then you'll be stuck."
"I don't know how." Luke said.
"It's different for everybody." Mace said. "But I can tell you some ways that have helped me on my journey." He stepped closer to Depa's bacta tank and rested his hand against the glass. "When it gets hard to keep living as usual, I remind myself of what Depa would want if she was here." He smiled slightly to himself at the thought. "She would probably appreciate that I care, but also call me a fool for wanting to disregard my responsibilities."
He went to one of the chairs in the room, sitting down and gesturing for Luke to do the same. "I get upset and angry at the thought of the one responsible for Depa's situation, but that anger does nothing for me. It makes me want to take revenge, but then where would I be? Still grieving, and still without Depa. The only difference would be that I would have the guilt of losing control weighing on my soul, and that's not an easy burden to carry."
Mace closed his eyes. "Thinking of Depa's pain and suffering hurts. A fact I'm sure you're all too aware of. What can sometimes help me is to think of Depa's strength. Her kindness, and dedication. Her humor. She always seemed to know when I was having a bad day, and she would poke and prod in all the places where it hurt the most, and then she would say something that would make me laugh and look at things in a new light."
He looked at Luke. "Tell me about your grandmother. You know of her death. What do you know of her life?"
"...My Uncle said that she always took care of him just as much as she would if he was her son." Luke said. "Aunt Beru said she was the bravest woman she knew. She said that my grandma had been a slave. Usually if a slave is freed they spend the rest of their life with their head down, too scared of being enslaved again to fight back for other people's sakes. I can't blame them for that. You need to do what you can to survive. But my grandma would do anything she could for slaves. She helped free people, or saved them from punishment if she ever got the chance."
"She sounds like an amazing woman." Mace said.
"Yeah." Luke smiled to himself. There was still a lot of pain in his eyes, but there was a hint of pride as well. The boy sighed. "I just wish that I could have met her. I wish she didn't die."
"You cannot change the past." Mace said. Luke snorted, like he'd told a joke. It reminded Mace of when Depa was younger. She used to find the things he said to be humorous as well even when he was being completely serious. He'd learnt to not try to figure out what was so amusing.
"All you can do is move forward, trying to be a little stronger today than you were yesterday." Mace said. "You love your family, and you may always miss your grandmother and wish that things were different. Feel that pain. Accept that it's there, but also accept that you can't change what happened."
"I need to move on." Luke stared down at his lap. "I-I need to let her go." It wasn't as simple as just saying that, and they both knew it. But saying it out loud, and truly accepting it, that was the first step that Luke needed to take on this journey of his.
"There's no shame in caring about people." Mace said. He didn't believe that was what the Jedi meant when they spoke of no attachments. "But you should strive to not let your love control your every decision." That was where attachments were dangerous. When someone was so attached to a loved one that when something happened to them, they just shut down and couldn't move on. They spent their whole lives holding on so tightly to the one they loved that they let the rest of their life fall to pieces around them, because they simply didn't see the point anymore.
Love could be a wonderful thing, but also dangerous, and sometimes it was hard to tell when a line had been crossed.
Luke took a deep breath and took in a shaky breath. "Ben…Obi-Wan tried to show me how to shield earlier, but I wouldn't let him. I was scared. I feel a connection to Leia, and when I had the shield I couldn't feel her anymore. I lost my grandmother. I didn't want to lose Leia too. I couldn't. So I tore down the shield, and it hurt. And I hurt Leia because I tore hers down when she tried it."
Luke looked frightened, but also determined. He was a brave boy. "I know I have to learn how to do this. Can you help me?"
"Of course." Mace said. Luke nodded and swallowed thickly. He grabbed one of Mace's hands and closed his eyes. Mace had always taken a hands-off approach to teaching. He felt that everybody did things differently, and often it was best to let someone figure out their own way, offering guidance when they got stuck. Mace felt as Luke slowly built up his shields. When the boy faltered he squeezed his hand and spoke reassurances, but let Luke do it on his own. He knew he could.
"You won't be alone." Mace said. "I know it will feel like it at first, but I'll still be right here. I'm not going anywhere." He spoke to Luke, but in a way also to Depa. He couldn't be there for her physically, but through the Force a part of him would always be with her.
Luke hesitated for several minutes before putting the last bit of his mental shield into place. It was flimsy, but it did its job. His light was hidden, except from those who knew how to find it. Luke opened his eyes, tears falling down his cheeks.
"Well done, young one." Mace said. He'd learned how to shield, but in doing so he'd also been able to do so much more than that.
Luke gave him a shaky smile that was pained, but still sincere. "Can we go find Leia? I think I want to be with her right now."
"Of course." Mace said. Just because Luke needed to find his own path through grief didn't mean that he needed to be alone through it all.
They left the Halls of Healing. Mace gave one more look towards Depa before he turned away and walked out the door. He would always come back here, but he couldn't stay in this place. Whether he just poked his head in just to make sure there weren't any changes, or if he spent all day here because he couldn't find the will to be anywhere else, it always ended the same. Eventually he would have to leave and continue living his own life, whether she was by his side or not.
This felt like an impossible journey, but he took it one step at a time.