Beckett felt the room sway as she pushed herself off the ground. Her legs were uncooperative, trembling beneath her weight as she stood up.
She followed behind them, watching helplessly as the paramedics maneuvered the stretchers through the narrow, cluttered corridor. Her feet dragged across the pavement, each step feeling like a heavy burden. The weight of everything seemed to physically hold her down, making her movements sluggish and labored. She couldn't shake off the intense stress that had settled deep in her bones, constantly reminding her of how close she had come to losing everything.
Stopping at the base of the stairway, Beckett watched intently as the paramedics carefully navigated the stretchers up with the help of Ryan and Esposito. Only when they were both safely up did she gather enough courage to climb up herself.
As they stepped out of the stuffy building and into the open lot, Beckett felt the cool air brush against her face, providing some relief from the stifling air inside. She took a deep breath, but the ache in her chest remained.
As the doors slammed shut, the siren blared and the red lights flashed, casting an eerie glow on the buildings around them. With a deafening roar, the vehicle sped off into the night.
She stood motionless, her jaw clenched as she watched the ambulance gradually disappear from view. Her shoulders bowed and the air seemed to grow thick, heavy with the fear that clung to her like a second skin.
"You ok Beckett?" Ryan's voice cut through the fog of her thoughts. His hand found her elbow, offering a comforting squeeze.
Blinking rapidly, Beckett fought back tears, refusing to let them escape. "We should have found them sooner," she whispered raggedly, the words catching in her throat. "This is my fault."
"Hey, this isn't anyone's fault."
"Castle..." The name remained heavy on her tongue. She couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence.
"Castle is strong," Ryan finished for her, his grip on her elbow subtly tightening. "He's got that annoying habit of proving us wrong when we least expect it."
A breath shuddered out of her as she laughed. "Yes he does."
"Come on." Ryan gently tugged at her arm, guiding her away from the street. "There's nothing more we can do here. Let's go meet them at the hospital."
"Shouldn't we stay and call this in?"
"I already talked to dispatch," Ryan replied as he pulled on her arm again. "I let them know what happened and that we're on our way to the hospital."
"Thank you." She slumped in relief and gave Ryan a grateful smile. In that moment, she realized how glad she was to have the boys here to take charge when she couldn't.
Allowing herself to be led without protest, Beckett let Ryan open the door for her before she slide into the backseat.
The wail of the police siren pierced the heavy silence in the car, red and blue lights flashing rhythmically, throwing shadows across Beckett's drawn face as she stared out the window at the blur of the city whipping by.
"Come on," Beckett tapped her fingers impatiently on the back seat, urging the cars in front of them to move faster. She could feel Ryan's eyes on her through the rearview mirror, but she kept her gaze fixed firmly ahead, refusing to acknowledge him. Her emotions were all over the place today and she hated how vulnerable she felt.
As the hospital loomed into view, Beckett's pulse quickened. She unbuckled her seat belt and waited impatiently for Esposito to find a place to park. As soon as the car came to a stop, she threw the door open, feet pounding on the pavement as she ran towards the sliding doors. The familiar scent of antiseptic hit her hard as she ran through the entrance and down the sterile hallways towards the front desk. God, she really hated hospitals.
She approached the nurse's station, her voice trembling but firm as she spoke. "I need an update on Richard Castle, he was just brought in here."
The nurse looked up at her in surprise. "Ma'am, I understand you're concerned, but—"
"Please," Beckett interrupted, desperation seeping into her words. "Can you just check for me?"
"Are you family of the patient?" the nurse asked, eyes questioning as she studied her.
"He's my partner," Beckett clarified through gritted teeth, trying to keep her voice down. The word 'partner' could be interpreted in different ways and she prayed the nurse wouldn't try to question what she meant by that.
"I apologize, ma'am. Hospital policy only allows us to share a patient's status with immediate family members."
"Immediate family," Beckett scoffed at the absurdity of it. Legally they weren't family, but Castle was the most important person in her life. He was family.
"I'm sorry Miss..." the nurse began, her voice trailing off as she met Beckett's fierce stare.
"Detective Kate Beckett," she snapped, each word laced with barely restrained anger.
"Kate Beckett?" The nurse's voice now held a hint of warmth, a stark contrast to her tone seconds before.
"You're listed as Mr. Castle's emergency contact," the nurse said with a hint of relief.
"I am?"
"Yes," the nurse confirmed, tapping on her clipboard and offering a small smile. "It seems Mr. Castle made quite clear that should anything happen, you were the one to be called."
A surge of emotion swelled within her. She couldn't believe that Castle had her listed as his emergency contact. When did he do this? And why didn't she know about it?
"Can you tell me how he's doing then," she managed to ask, her voice more friendly as she attempted a smile.
"Mr. Castle is currently undergoing emergency surgery. It looks like he came in with a couple broken ribs that caused some internal bleeding so the doctors are working to get under control. That's the only update I have at the moment I'm sure in an hour or two we'll have more information to give you."
"Thank you," Beckett muttered to the nurse before she turned away and moved towards the waiting room.
She decided to sit in a chair by the window, the view obscured by rain-streaked glass. Collapsing into it, she drew her knees up, wrapping her arms around them tightly in an attempt to hold herself together.
"Hey," Ryan's voice filtered through her haze of pain and she looked up to see him sinking into the chair beside her.
"Is Castle ok?"
Beckett took a sharp intake of breath, trying to steady herself before responding. "He's in surgery. He has broken ribs that caused internal bleeding..." Her sentence trailed off as another sob threatened to escape.
Tears streamed down her cheeks, leaving damp trails on her face. Her body trembled uncontrollably, and this time she couldn't stop the choked sobs that escaped from her lips.
She curled into a ball, burying her face deep in her knees to try to hide her face. The sound of her cries echoed off the walls, and any other time she would be horrified by how vulnerable and weak she appeared, but she couldn't seem to stop it.
"Beckett," Esposito said gently as he took a seat on her other side, his voice filled with empathy. "We're here for you, whatever you need."
"I need him to be okay," she managed between sobs, the words almost lost.
"Come on Beckett, Castle's too stubborn to let this get him," Ryan offered, trying to infuse hope into the bleak atmosphere. "Plus, he wouldn't want to see you like this."
"Doesn't matter what he wants," she murmured, knowing even as she said it that it wasn't true. It mattered, all of it mattered because Castle had become a part of her life in ways she was only now beginning to understand.
Beckett's gaze remained fixed on the scuffed floor, her fingers digging into the coarse fabric of the chair. She missed him so much and it killed her that she couldn't be with him right now.
"Remember that time Castle bet us he could eat fifty hot wings in under ten minutes?" Esposito spoke up, a hint of a smile playing at his lips. "And when he was halfway through, his face turned the same color as the sauce?"
"It was ghost pepper sauce," Ryan chimed in, chuckling. "Even after he couldn't feel his tongue anymore, he still insisted he could finish them all. He couldn't taste anything for a week."
A hint of a smile tugged at the corners of Beckett's mouth, despite the anguish that gripped her. Castle's childish antics was one of the many things that drew her to him. It was his infectious spirit, his ability to find joy in the most unlikely places, that had brought fun back into her life.
"Or do you remember when he wanted to ride along with us on that high-speed chase last year?" Ryan added as he grinned at Esposito.
Esposito snorted as he barked out a laugh. "He nearly barfed in the backseat. He begged us not to tell you about it, he was so embarrassed. We each got a week with the Ferrari for keeping our mouths shut."
"God, he's such an idiot," she murmured, not knowing whether to laugh or cry at the memory. Her hand rose to wipe at the tears drying on her cheeks.
"Who else would wear a bulletproof vest with 'WRITER' stamped on it?" Esposito said, a faint smirk crossing his face.
"Only Castle," she agreed, her voice steadier now. She released a small breath, relieved to feel some of the tension in her shoulders dissipate. Her eyes still burned though from a mix of her tears and lack of sleep, and she couldn't stop fidgeting with the loose thread on her jacket sleeve.
"Beckett, you need to rest," Ryan's voice cut through the silence they had fallen into.
"I'm fine," she lied, her voice betraying the fatigue she felt deep in her bones.
"Here." Ryan patted his shoulder gently, offering it to her as a makeshift pillow. "Just for a bit. I'll wake you up if anything happens."
The corners of her mouth twitched in a faint smile. As much as she wanted to stay awake and wait for news, her body had other ideas. Slowly, she allowed herself to lean against Ryan, the warmth of his presence a balm to her frayed nerves. Her eyelids grew heavy, and with a final glance around the room, she surrendered to the exhaustion.
It didn't seem like she had slept for more than a few minutes before someone shook her shoulder. Her eyes flew open and she sat up straight, instantly alert. She rubbed at her tired eye, making her vision swim before it cleared enough to focus on the person standing before her.
"Detective Beckett?" The sound of the doctor's voice pulled her back to reality. She blinked rapidly, her tired eyes stinging as tried to banish the remnants of sleep and regain her composure.
"Is it Castle? How is he?" Her words were rushed and filled with anxiety.
"His injuries are extensive," the doctor said, his voice a low timbre. "He has multiple broken ribs, one of which punctured his liver, which led to some internal bleeding.
We were able to repair it but it will take some time for him to recover. We also had to stitch up some deep wounds on his torso and back; it appears that someone attacked him with a knife."
"A knife?"
"Yes," the doctor confirmed solemnly. "The bruises on various parts of his body indicate that he has been subjected to prolonged physical abuse. He is severely dehydrated, underweight, and suffered a serious concussion. We'll need to closely monitor him for the next few days."
Beckett felt he throat dry up. "Where is he now?"
"He's been moved to a private room in the ICU," the doctor continued. "He's stable for the moment, and we're confident he'll wake up soon. You can visit him if you want, but only one at a time for now."
"Thank you," Beckett replied sincerely. She stood up, feeling the pull of every strained muscle and ounce of exhaustion, but none of it mattered. All that mattered was seeing him.
"I can take you to him if you'd like," the doctor offered, gesturing towards the doors beyond the front desk.
"Yes," she affirmed, steeling herself for what was to come. As she stood up, she hesitated briefly.
Ryan noticed her hesitation and stepped closer, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. "We'll handle things here. Go sit with him."
"Yeah, we'll call Martha and let her know what's going on and then get an update on Emma," Esposito chimed in, his own concern etched into the lines of his face.
"Thank you." She completely forgot about checking on Emma and calling Castle's family and the guilt gnawed at her, but she forced it down. She could worry about all that later.
Beckett trailed behind the doctor as he led her to the room where her partner was being held. The doctor gave her a sympathetic smile before leaving her alone in front of the glass door. Her hand shook as she reached for the door handle, the cold metal offering no comfort. With reluctantly slid the door open, feeling her heart race in her chest as she stepped in.
"God, Castle, what did they do to you?" Tears welled up in her eyes as she took in his weakened state, the words coming out as a choked sob.
There he lay, a man usually brimming with energy, now reduced to a mere shadow of his former self. His chest rose and fell in shallow breaths, the monitor beside him beeping a steady but haunting rhythm. Beckett's eyes roamed over him, horror dawning as she took in just how frail he looked—his larger-than-life presence diminished by the dull hospital room.
The bruises that covered his skin stood out in vivid shades of purple and blue against his once flawless complexion, now even more noticeable after being cleaned of dirt and blood.
The thought of someone hurting him caused her fists to clench involuntarily. He didn't deserve this.
Beckett moved closer to Castle's bed, her feet dragging against the floor as she got closer. Her hand shook as she reached for the back of the chair beside his bed, the metal cool beneath her fingers.
"Hey," she whispered, sinking into the chair and sliding it as close to hid bed as she could. She settled into the seat, her posture rigid, every line of her body tense.
Her eyes traced the lines of his face, taking in the shadows cast by the dim light. Bruises covered his skin like vines, leaving hardly any part untouched.
"Castle?" She leaned forward, her elbows resting on the edge of the mattress, watching for any sign of movement.
Her fingers, tentative at first, reached out and gently wrapped around his. She could feel his hand, cool and limp, beneath her fingers.
"I'm so sorry," she murmured, tears welling in her eyes as she brushed her thumb against his hand. "None of this should have happened to you."
Beckett held her beath as she waited for a response, any sign that he could hear her. It was the stillness that scared her the most— Castle was never known to be quiet.
A tear escaped, tracing a solitary path down her cheek, and she made no move to wipe it away. Instead, she tightened her grip on his hand, focusing on the sound of his heartbeat, allowing it to soothe the jagged edges of her nerves.
"Rick," she said, her voice gaining strength, "I made a mistake. I've let fear dictate so much of my life. But seeing you like this, makes me realize... I don't want to waste another minute."
Beckett leaned forward, her forehead resting gently against his shoulder. "The truth is..." Beckett hesitated, the words catching like a hook in her throat. "I love you."
There was no response from him, not that she expected one, but speaking the words out loud made them feel more real.
"Timing has never been our strong suit, huh?" she chuckled ruefully, leaning back and running a hand through her hair. "But when you're better and ready to hear this, I'll be here. And I'll say it as many times as it takes for you to believe it."
Time seemed to blur as the clock on the wall ticked rhythmically, each minute blending into the next. Her eyelids were heavy with exhaustion, but she couldn't bring herself to close them. Instead, her gaze remained fixed on the rise and fall of his chest, drawing comfort from its steadfast rhythm.
Fatigue eventually started to win. She resisted its pull for as long as she could until her blinks grew longer and longer, until finally, her eyes stayed shut. But even in sleep, she clung tightly to his hand, unwilling to let go.
It was Castle's hand tightening around hers that jolted her awake, her heart racing with a mix of surprise and hope. Her eyes snapped open, locking onto their intertwined fingers. His grasp was firm and desperate, and for the first time she felt hopeful.
Her eyes moved up to his face, searching for any sign of consciousness. And there it was – a flicker behind his closed eyelids. The sudden squeeze of his hand wasn't just a reflex; Castle was waking up.
Beckett held her breath as she watched Castle's eyelids slowly flutter open.
"Castle?"
His eyes opened and closed rapidly, growing wider as he quickly assessed the room. His breathing became erratic and she could feel his hand start to tremble.
"Castle, it's me. It's Kate," she said, trying to ground him in reality. But her words seemed to slip past him, lost in the storm of his panic.
"Where is she? Where's Emma?" His voice cracked, the sound grating and desperate. "Don't let him... don't touch her..."
"Emma's safe, Castle," Beckett placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, but he hardly seemed to register her presence. "She's in a different room being treated now but she's okay. You're both ok."
Castle's gaze remained unfocused, his body thrashing weakly against the confines of his bed. A strangled groan escaped him as he clutched at his bandaged chest, pain etching lines into his face.
"Castle, stop! You're going to hurt yourself!"
Frantic, she grabbed his flailing arms, the strength in her grip belying her slender frame. She anchored him to the bed, trying not to hurt him as she held him still.
"Wh-where... I don't..." His words stumbled over each other, disjointed and laden with confusion.
"Rick, you're in the hospital." She enunciated each syllable clearly, willing him to understand, to see her, to come back from wherever his mind had trapped him.
"Can't... can't breathe..." he gasped, his chest rising and falling in sharp, erratic jerks. His skin, pale under the harsh fluorescent lights, was slick with a cold sweat.
"Hey, look at me," Beckett coaxed, reaching up to gently cup his jaw, turning his face towards her own. "Focus on my voice."
"I don't..." he tried again, but it came out as a strangled sob. His eyes flickered with recognition as he looked at her, then clouded once more with panic.
"Castle, I need you to take deep breaths for me, okay?" Her voice low and soothing as she spoke to him. "In and out. Slowly."
With a visible effort, he drew in a shuddering breath, his shoulders quaking as he tried to follow her command. His breathing eventually slowed, his movements losing some of their wild desperation. Beckett held her breath, the seconds stretching out endlessly, waiting for him to calm down completely.
"Beckett?" The question in his voice was hesitant, but it was enough.
"Yes, I'm here. You're safe now Castle," she said, her tone softening, weaving a cocoon of calm around them. Her grip on his arms loosened slightly, offering comfort instead of constraint.
"Can't... Emma's hurt..." he mumbled, the words rough and ragged in his throat.
"Emma is fine. I promise you, she's getting the care she needs," Beckett assured him, her own pulse echoing in her ears. "You need to stay still. You're injured, Rick. Do you understand?"
"Kate..." He said, using her first name this time. His eyes began to clear, the stormy sea of fear receding just enough for her to catch a glimpse of the Castle she knew.
With trembling hands, she released his arm and brought her hand up to cradle Castle's face, thumbs gently wiping away the sheen of cold sweat and tears that clung to his skin.
"Safe?" he repeated, the single syllable laden with a child-like uncertainty that twisted at her insides.
"Safe," Beckett coaxed, her thumbs caressing his cheeks as she leaned closer, her forehead nearly touching his.
"This isn't a dream right? This is actually happening and I'm not going to wake up back in that room?"
As she leaned back, her eyes searching his, the joking tone of his voice overshadowed by the nervous look on his face.
Beckett's heart sank at his question. She leaned back and sank back in her chair. She brought it back to the edge of his bed and reached out, taking his hand in hers again and squeezing it tightly.
Castle's eyes followed her every movement, waiting for the confirmation that she wasn't a figment of his imagination.
"You're really here Castle."
Castle took a moment to study her face. "So you found us. Does that mean you caught him and this is all finally over?"
Her shoulders sagged in defeat, the guilt from before returning. "I'm sorry but we didn't catch him yet."
She paused, taking a breath that did little to steady the tremor in her voice.
"We got a call a couple hours ago," she continued, each word measured and heavy. "about two people being held in an abandoned building. That's how we found you and Emma. Whoever took you was gone by the time we got there."
Castle's face fell, his fear chasing away the color that had just begun to return.
"So he's still out there..." he echoed, voice no more than a whisper strained with terror.
A heavy silence settled between them before Castle's raspy voice broke it, laced with defeat. "How long have I been gone?"
"You've been missing for over a month."
She watched his face closely, her own heart wrenching as his eyes squeezed shut, pained by the revelation. When they opened again, there was a depth to them that hadn't been there before and it terrified her. His free hand rose slowly as he dragged it over his face in an attempt to wipe away the shock.
"God, a month..." he murmured, his voice a ragged sigh that seemed to carry a heavy weight.
"My mother, Alexis, have you—" His voice cracked, the question hanging unfinished, but she knew what he was asking.
"They're ok," she replied, her tone soothing as she gently squeezed his hand, "They've been worried sick, but they're safe. I've made sure of it."
"Thank you," he whispered, a simple phrase laden with layers of gratitude.
"Always."
Beckett watched as sunk back into the small bed. His eyes, once sparkling with life, now reflected the weariness of his soul. She could see the dark circles beneath them, evidence of countless sleepless nights and a constant state of anxiety. Her heart ached for him and she wished that she could take all his pain away.
"Castle," Beckett said softly, her voice filled with concern, "I think you should get some sleep."
He attempted a playful grin but it quickly faltered under her steady gaze. "I'm fine, Beckett," he said, though the hoarseness in his voice betrayed him. "I'm not tired."
"You need sleep. That's an order, not a suggestion."
"An order, huh?" Castle tried to tease her, but it came out as nothing more than a weary sigh. He opened his mouth again, about to protest, but the stubborn set of her jaw told him it would be a losing battle. His shoulders slumped in surrender. "Yeah, maybe you're right."
Beckett bridged the remaining distance between them, sliding forward to the edge of her chair so she could reach him. Her fingers gently brushed away a stray lock of hair that had fallen across his forehead, the touch light and affectionate.
"I'll stay until you fall asleep," she whispered, her voice so low he might have imagined it.
Surprise flickered across Castle's face. There was something in her eyes, something that he's never seen before. But before he could decipher it, she offered him a soft, reassuring smile.
"Go to sleep, Castle," Beckett coaxed, her tone laced with warmth. "I'll be back tomorrow to check on you."
And for once, Richard Castle found himself lacking any words clever or witty enough to respond. He simply nodded and watched as the corners of her lips turned up ever so slightly before closing his eyes, trusting her to keep watch over the shadows that danced just out of sight.