Summary: The two weeks have gone and it is now almost the end of May 1915. Edward is planning to give Winry a surprise, when they meet again in Rush Valley. Unfortunately a case of extremely bad parenting crashes their plans and instead they end up having a long discussion about some very unwholesome part of their relationship.
Notes: It feels a bit wrong to post an angsty chapter on Christmas, however given I am also posting an E-rated chapter, which takes place between the previous one and this, in a separate work (linked below and now newly also from the end of the previous chapter), I would reckon it balances out. I have been planning the conversation in the final scene for some time, because it is the one issue in this relationship that is seen as the most problematic.
Two weeks passed by both faster and slower than the brothers expected, but it was now 30 May, and it was time to return home. However, Edward insisted that they visit one shop before getting on their way. "You are lost, aren't you," Alphonse asked after they had taken another turn seemingly at random. "No, these narrow streets are just annoying to orient myself in." "Why did we even take this path? You said the shop was on a corner with the main road." "Because I thought it was faster." "Ah."
Ed elicited to ignore that snarky tone from his brother and turned left again. "Finally," he loudly declared as he saw the store sign hanging off the side of a building. "Oh, of course, I should have guessed as much," Al noted with a smile as he looked up at the words 'Central Flower Market.' "Somebody's romantic side is acting up, is it?" "I haven't seen my girlfriend for two weeks, and during that time we have only been able to talk for a total of less than four hours. Besides, I've never got her flowers before."
"Given the range florists in Resembool have until at least early June, I am not surprised," his brother pointed out, "You would make a better bouquet by wandering through the pastures around town than anything they could get you." They entered through the front door and were immediately assaulted by the smell of every flower they knew and some they didn't. "Wow," Edward muttered as he looked at rows upon rows filled with flowers. The inside of the shop looked like a rainbow.
"Oh, that aesthetic is immaculate," Alphonse cooed and approached the trays filled with red roses, which were right in front of him, to take a smell. "Can I have you with something," a voice asked. They turned to the right and saw a female slightly older than them, dressed in a gardening apron and with her hair strategically tied into a bun. "Yeah, I..." Ed nearly swore from the fact that he managed to hitch. They had been a couple for almost two months, for the love of god, and he still sometimes stuttered.
He took a small cough. "I would like to put together a bouquet for a date." It wasn't exactly true, since they had arranged for a date, but it was succinct. The woman gave him a smile and a small nod. "Of course. You are not nearly the first boy to come here looking for advice on what to get for a girl. Do you have any idea about what kind of flowers she likes?" "Not really." Al interrupted his smelling of a tray of beautiful pink dahlias. "Fresh and fragrant is about how much she has revealed to any of us."
"That doesn't exactly narrow it down," his brother argued, but the florist assistant remained unfazed. "Well, there are other ways to determine what make a good bouquet besides a girl's person taste. How long have you been in a relationship?" "It will be two months next week." "Oh. That is longer than many other boys wait, but very well, better late than never." "We live in Resembool and our florist has awful selection until early Summer," Alphonse defended his brother's choice.
"There are two ways to create a bouquet you can use," the assistant continued. "Either you try to make one based on your own personal feelings towards flowers." "We'll be here by evening," Edward argued just a second faster than his brother could snarkly comment the exact same thing. "Points for self awareness," he muttered instead as he inhaled the air above some very nice orange tulips. "Then we can base your bouquet on flower symbolism," she suggested.
"Flower symbolism," Ed asked like she just suggested using something like astrology. "Correct," the woman said and gestured for him to follow her. "Each flower has an association with feelings, emotions or traits, and so some a lot of people create their bouquets like you would put together a love letter. One boy made his one by combining the cute white olive flowers that represent peacefulness, the blue and purple flowers of speedwells that represent kindness and one red hyacinth that represent playfulness, because those were the traits he loved the most."
They reached the cash register at the entrance from the main street, and she pulled out a small list of flower meanings from beneath the table and gave it to him. "Also, if you wish to see what the flowers look like," she added and pulled out another list of flowers that recorded where in the shop he could find them, "every line of racks has a small number near the bottom and each rack has a letter associated with it." "Okay... Thank you," Edward said after quickly looking down at the table. "Once you figure out what you want, just come to me and I will whip up a bouquet based on that."
Paninya definitely had an interesting year. Now that the LeCoultes had to take care of an infant, she had become close to the family and worked to help them maintain the house. Louis was growing like a weed and was a handful at the best of times, so she had taken over cooking duties in return for Dominic giving her room and board. The two had become close over the most unexpected thing they had in common – the inability to not dote on his little grandson.
"Are we out of bread flour again," she grumbled as she went through each shelf in the storage cupboard again to make sure she did not miss it the first time around. Yes, they definitely were out of it again. She had used up the last of it making lunch for them. She could only see some cake flour. "Right, on the shopping list that goes," she told herself and pulled out a pencil with a piece of paper from her pocket to add it on. After looking up at a higher shelf, she realised there was another thing missing. "There are no prunes either."
She grabbed the shopping back and started heading out. On the way out, she passed through the living room. Ridel was sleeping on the couch, while little Louis played with some cubes on the floor nearby. "How about this one," Dominic suggested and handed one of the cubes to him. "No-No," Louis replied, and his grandfather put it back down. "Mr. LeCoulte, I'm going outside for a little shopping trip to restock us," she informed as she came up to them.
"Pa," the boy cooed as he looked up at her with a small smile. "Hi Louis, I see you are enjoying playing with your little blocks," she noted and leaned down to play with her a little bit. Louis laughed and swayed back and forth a bit. "Paninya, don't get distracted again," Dominic warned her with his own smile. "But he is so cute, I just want to keep petting him." "And here I thought we would only have half the doting, since my mother-in-law had passed. But no, we got you," Satella smirked, and she leaned against the door frame.
Paninya shot up like she had just touched life wires. "I am fifteen. Stop making it sound like I'm an old grandmother," she argued back, but her spirit wasn't really in it. Louis made a little cry and tried to reach out for her right hand again. "Then don't act like one," the mother replied with a teasing grin. "Wanting to pat cute kids isn't acting like a grandmother!" "When you manage to dote on him more than his actual grandfather, then it very much does. Now go, before the shops close on you."
Reluctantly, the girl left the house and took the direct route into Rush Valley. Fortunately, shops were all strategically gathered on the main road, so she did not need to follow any sort of complicated route. What began as an ordinary shopping trip turned into something different just as she grabbed for the handle into a shop that sold the nice prunes, which the LeCoultes had got attached to and Louis loved to have for breakfast. A young male voice called out for her.
FOLLOWING IMPLIES TRIGGERING EVENTS:
"Paninya!" She turned around and saw a dark-haired teen boy named Axel run up to her. He was closer to an acquaintance than a proper friend, but they kept up with each other anyway. "I need your help," he told after finally taking a proper breath. He had clearly been running for a bit, since he was not this out of shape. "What's wrong?" "Paul's father caught us doing stuff, and he went off on him like a hurricane. Please, you have got to help me, before he hurts him!"
The shopping bag was promptly forgotten. The man was known among the citizens of Rush Valley and his public impression was about as bad as Paninya's before she stopped pick pocketing people. After his wife died when Paul was a young child, the man became abrasive and, most people suspected, abusive. The problem was that trying to check up on the family was asking for a fight with the guy, because he was also aggressive. But if he went off on his son like Axel implied he did, Paninya would gladly give him a taste of Dominic's work.
The Elric brothers arrived in Rush Valley shortly before noon. Edward had ended up buying a bouquet of ten flowers in the end and the assistant put them in light brown wrapping paper tied up with a yellow bow. "However made crossbreed rose is a genius," Alphonse said, and his brother had to agree. Somebody had decided to create a rose that had both light pink and light blue petals, and it looked amazing, like someone spilled coloured ink on it.
This time around they were taking the main road and Ed was trying to continue holding the bouquet upward as the florist had insisted he should to prevent unnecessary damage. Just before he would become visible from the front of Mr. Garfiel's shop, they turned left and then right in short order, so he could come in through the back. Al had agreed to help him with his little surprise. He slowly walked up towards the front.
Of course, there was a line of people there. Within an hour of Winry coming back, the whole settlement knew about it. Her popularity with the locals had not abated one bit. Fortunately, Mr. Garfiel had put his foot down and made it very clear, that if anybody would disturb his apprentice, they would get their asses kicked out and the store door slammed shot behind them. "Excuse me," Alphonse muttered and tried to push through closer. Only the mentor himself was at the actual window. Winry was inside, working on a costumer's prosthetic arm.
That was about as much as he could see. He went around the building to inform his brother. Edward was already standing outside the door, with the bouquet now hidden behind his back. He looked surprised to see him. "What's wrong?" "Her fans." The answer made him close his eyes with a grumble. The flame of jealousy returned with a vengeance, and he had to through as much water as his rational mind could gather on it, before it set something else on fire. "Of course they are," he muttered as he subconsciously showed his upper teeth.
"Do you want to ring the bell and potentially spoil the surprise?" His emotions calmed down a bit. "No, not really. Could you try to get in any way?" "I make no promises," his brother pointed out and walked back out. Ed was left alone in that quiet backstreet again. I need to talk to her about that, he thought. This was the fourth time in two weeks that he felt jealousy flare up inside him like that. It was idiotic, for several reasons, to try and prevent her from ever meeting another male.
But a part of him wanted that to be the case and if there was anything that would endanger their relationship, it would be that kind of possessiveness if he left it unchecked. That felt like a slippery slope towards a lot of other unwholesome attitudes, and the idea he could potentially start thinking like that horrified him. At least so far, the possessiveness was about making sure Winry would fall totally in love with him. He held too much love and respect for his girlfriend to make it possible for the feelings to mutate into proper possessiveness of her whole person.
Alphonse pushed his way through the crowd by sheer force of will. Finally, he managed to reach the left end of the counter. "Mr. Garfiel," he called at the men, but his voice was drowned out by all the would-be customers. "Mr. Garfiel!" The man looked over for a moment before turning back. He then realised who he saw and quickly turn back. "Oh, Alphonse! Come on." He turned to the crowds. "Let him in, you absolute ingrates," he yelled at them, and Al managed to slip through even with his walking stick.
Winry did not notice this, because she was, in order, paying close attention to an automail arm she was working on, had her back towards the store front, and she had decided to ignore any noise coming from there anyway on the assumption that if it was anything actually important, her mentor would call after her first and foremost. Her friend thus walked up behind her without being spotted and started to observe over her shoulder. She was using tweezers to make sure thin bits of metal could move.
"There, it's done," she announced to the costumer as she put them away and closed the access hatch. "Great, that had been bugging me for a week," the man told her, and she closed the access hatch. Without looking, she took a screw and screwdriver from the small table next to her and made sure she applied full force to it. "You are good to go," she continued. "Thank you," the middle age man said as he got up from the deck chair.
She finally turned around and almost jumped several feet in the air, when she found Alphonse standing right behind her. "Holy shit! Al, when did you get here?! You nearly gave a heart attack! And where is Ed?" Her friend burst out laughing the moment the expletive registered in his head and promptly hugged her. "The train came like twenty minutes ago, I've been standing behind you for about three and my brother is preparing a surprise for you," he told her as she returned it. "Oh, is he," she cooed.
"That got you to calm down, didn't it," he immediately teased, and she shoved him back with a frown. His reply was a completely unapologetic grin. "We haven't seen each other for two weeks. I think I have the right to want him back." "Right, we are taking a half hour pause," Mr. Garfiel suddenly declared and shot the wooden cover over the open window outside before people could start properly complaining. "Thank you," Winry said with a smile on her face. "Go and greet your boy. I won't mind if it slightly more than half an hour," he told her with a wink.
"He told me it would take a moment to get everything together, so we should just head outside and meet him at the location," Alphonse partly lied and started to lead her through the living space and towards the backdoor. As they hoped, she ran up ahead and went to open the door first. The moment she opened it, Edward gave her the dopiest grin that his brother had even seen him make. He didn't see the face of complete shock for that she had for a second. It was replaced by a joyful smile.
"Ed!" This time around, he was prepared for a girl throwing herself as him and did not fall backwards on the ground. She closed a hug around his back and their lips crashed together with zero regard. Edward left his right hand holding the bouquet she still had not noticed and used his left to pull her closer. The kiss blew right past romantic, and for the first time their tongues actually started to explore the other's mouths. They both got immediately flushed and started to move a bit against each other.
Initially, Al looked away, but after about two minutes of them just being glued together at their faces, he made a loud whistle. "Hey, are you two trying to inspect each other's tonsils," he said loudly in his snarkiest tone. The couple finally regained their senses and separated. They looked at the other with looks that very of mix of excitement, attraction and a dose of fear. Both of them were aware of their bodies really liking what they had just done.
Ed refused to see his girlfriend scared. He turned it into a hug that was almost Platonic and patted her hair. "I missed you so much, and looks like you missed me too." He was so glad that this was the effective equivalent of throwing an asbestos blanket on the fires of his jealousy. "Of course I did, you idiot, I..." She came to a sudden stop and looked down. "I know," he calmed her down and knelt down to muzzle her nose. "I see somebody got himself shaved before coming here." "I had too. It was itching like crazy."
His girlfriend suddenly realised something. "What are you holding behind your back?" He gave her a smile and finally pulled out the bouquet. The gasp of surprise was music to his ears. "You actually got flowers for me? Ed, you didn't have to!" "Yes, I did," he firmly insisted. "I would have got you a bouquet sooner, if I had had an idea what one is supposed to be like. Now, as much as I want to continue greeting each other, these do not to go in a vase before they really wilt."
She took the bouquet, and they walked back inside to look for a good place to put them. "That rose is absolutely beautiful. Where did you get that?" "Central has an actually competent florist," Alphonse asked in place of his brother. "Each of the flower types was chosen for its symbolism," her boyfriend added. She finally found an empty vase and put in inside. "And what are those symbols. Floristry isn't exactly a field I am intimately familiar with."
"Three purple orchids stand for respect and admiration," he started listing them off. "The three speedwells, the blue ones with purple lines, stand for kindness and protection." It was also associated with loyalty, but there wasn't another flower associated with kindness, that he could find on the list. "You are such a dork," she said as she started to cry. He stepped forward with a smile on his face. "Yellow tulips stand for cheerful thoughts, sunshine and hope." He intentionally avoided listing 'desperate love' as another symbol for a yellow tulip.
"I wanted it to come out to a nice round ten," he explained and started trying to wipe her tears away. "I spent about ten minutes going back and forth between what I wanted that one to be, before they offered me a solution. I was so glad they had a rose that had both light blue and light pink in it. That way, I could have the one central flower do a double job. Light pink stands for passion and energy, and the blue for attaining the impossible." He stepped forward. "You and your love," he said and kissed her again.
ALL OF THIS SCENE CONTAINS TRIGGERING EVENTS:
Before Mr. Garfiel had chance to reopen his shop, Paninya, Axel and Paul ran up to the bell, and she started mashing it like a mad woman. "Get back here, you fucking punks!" She and Axel banged on the door hard. Alphonse came to see, who was at the door and the moment he opened it, all three of them ran in. They almost slammed the door in his face. "Close it," Paninya whisper yelled at him, and after a moment he did that. He finally noticed that one of the boy looked like he had fallen down a rocky cliff.
He walked up to him, and the terrified look in that boy's brown eyes was not calming him down even slightly. "What happened to you?" "N," was all Paul managed to say before Axel yelled at him. "Stop telling people everything is fine. You're bleeding all over and look like absolute shit." Mr. Garfiel came in from the front. "What is the meaning," he began before casting eyes at Paul. "Good god! I'll get the first aid kit," he told them and promptly left the room.
All three of the younger teens were still breathing hard from their run all the way here. "So, how did you get hurt," Al asked again. "You can tell me. I won't hurt you," he added at the unsure look the boy gave him. "It was the absolute shit stain he has for a father," Paninya answered for him. Alphonse looked at her with wide eyes. "His dad did this to him?" "Don't call that bastard his 'dad'," the girl screamed at him. "That man has no right to call himself a parent, if he does this to his child."
Paul was quiet and looked down with a grimace that Al could not immediately recognise. Axel leaned closer and tried to give him a hug. It was around this point that Alphonse noticed that the boys were not just sitting next to each other. They were holding hands like his brother and Winry did at quiet moments. Suddenly a very ugly picture started to form together in his mind, and he hoped that was not what had actually happened.
Garfiel returned with not just the first aid kit, but also Winry and Edward in tow. The girl gasped, and this time it was not a good gasp. She promptly took the first aid kit and started bandaging Paul up without saying a word. The boy also jumped out of his skin, and Axel looked somewhere between scandalised and terrified. "This will sting a lot, but I need to clean the wounds," she said a second before applying iodine to his arm. He almost screamed at the contact, but it passed quickly enough.
It was impressive, how quickly she managed to patch him up. Bits of plasters she cut away with scissors were soon flying around like weird confetti. Within three minutes, every gash and tear on the boy was covered. She had even demanded he take off his short and outer pants as she went around and covered everything. Her boyfriend didn't have the reaction he expected to that. Any possible jealousy over seeing another teen without clothes was entirely superseded by the absolute disgust at however gave the boy all those bruises.
Suddenly, somebody started to slam on the door. "Garfiel, get your dandy ass here right now." Paul started shaking out of fear. Winry's mentor rarely looked angry, but now he was definitely not happy. "Why should I do that? The store's closed if you haven't noticed?" He walked over to the window and shut the curtains before the abusive jerk walked around to look inside. He made it with second to spare. "You are hiding that total disappointment of a son inside, aren't you?! I knew I shouldn't let him interact with queers like you! Now he's going around kissing boys too!"
For the first time since Shou Tucker, Alphonse Elric was having trouble suppressing his desire to murder someone. Garfiel did not even have enough respect to answer the man's accusation with a lie. He just went straight for his phone and called the police on his ass. They had three witness of his abuse, and the people of Rush Valley already hated Samuel Hefferman. The jury would find him guilty before the court would ever sit down for a session.
As he was calling the station, he heard glass shattering and screaming from the other room. The police started running to his shop seconds later. The phone received was left hanging and slammed into the wall as he dropped it. In the next room, Edward and Paninya jumped Hefferman as he tried to get to his son and his boyfriend. The man had managed to intimidate Paninya into retreating earlier, but Ed was not going to play fair with him.
And unfortunately for Hefferman, he had spent the last years too busy checking out the bottom of a glass to have the strength to resist. He nonetheless tried to crawl away with them wailing at him, but Alphonse and Winry would have none of that. He slammed his walking cane into his thigh, and she grabbed the closest wrench to her. As she threw it straight at his head, she noticed Paul sharply inhale, and she saw his terrified face before he covered his head like she was throwing that thing at him.
The police jumped in through the destroyed window and finished the job. By evening Samuel Hefferman was behind bars awaiting trial under multiple charges including child abuse, breaking and entering, wilful destruction of property, assault and battery, and they even considered adding attempted murder after a qualified doctor had looked over Paul and declared the Medicinal Oath was the only reason she did not go to Rush Valley's jail to try and punch out the man's teeth.
ALL OF THIS SCENE CONTAINS DISCUSSION OF TRIGGERING EVENTS:
The police had demanded that all three of them stay in Rush Valley to give their sworn statements in the morning, so the return to Resembool was put off until later, and Alphonse called Pinako to inform her of that. His brother and friend were upstairs preparing two mattresses for the brothers to sleep on. "Win, you've been twitching for minutes, is something wrong," Edward asked after he saw another the fifth muscle spasm in a minute, and she inhaled so deeply it sounded like scratching before tears started to leak from her eyes. "What...," he began asking before switching his tone.
"Shh, shh," he whispered in her ear as he tried to hug her, but it seemed to only make the twitching worse, and she withdrew from him like he burned her. "What's going on, Win? You're really scaring my right now," he admitted, and she started to stutter. "A... Am I..." "Do you mean 'Are you scaring me' or another question?" She vaguely pointed her right index finger to his right. "Something else," Ed asked, and his girlfriend nodded. She took another shaky breath. "Am I abusive?" He looked at her with wide eyes. What? Where, the hell, did that come from?
"What do you mean, 'Am I abusive'? I would have thought we established that the answer is a definite 'NO' by now." She continued crying and shaking. He wanted to hug her, but if this was going through her head, he understood why he couldn't. It didn't make him feel any less useless anyway. "Are you saying that just because you want to be in a relationship with me?" "What?! No! You are not abusive. You... Where the fuck did you even get the idea?!" She winced at his loud tone. "Sorry," he apologised. "Some of Paul's bruises were from his d...
From his father hitting him with a wrench." At that point it clicked and Edward could now see the chain of dominoes that held led to this breakdown. She had after all started to use wrenches as her favourite projectile weapon. He had to be very careful with his words. "Hefferman is an abusive dickhead that started to beat up his son because he couldn't deal with his grief like a normal person. Meanwhile, you are a kind a caring person that has an ingrained reaction to help others first and foremost.
So I sometimes rile you up enough that you through something at me. Why would that make you abusive?" At the confused look, he leaned towards her. "Who hasn't at least wanted, if not actually thrown something at another person, because they pissed them off? Hefferman is in his forties and a grown-ass adult, while you are a fifteen-year-old girl that regularly deals with my self-sacrificial dumb ass. Read, My, Lips," he said and forced her eyes to literally look down at them. "You, Are, Not, Abusive!"
She looked down on the floor again and another pair of tear drops rolled down her cheek. Ed hated seeing her cry, and the fact it was because of him made it worse. "You are still not convinced, are you?" She wagged her head and he sighed. "You're afraid that my personal attraction to you is making me biased and an unreliable judge of what your actions constitute?" She gave a series of quick nods, and he exhaled through his nose. "Fine. I want you to listen to me again, but don't react until I finish. Okay?"
At her nod, he took a breath and started talking again. "You won't be surprised to find out that getting hit with a wrench hurts. It is a metal object hurled at speed. I won't pretend that is not true. I am not invulnerable, and you can see through my shit anyway." There was the slightest smile on her face for an instant before it vanished. "Maybe I am biased, and I shouldn't accept that. HOWEVER, I feel like sometimes that is the only way to get throw my thick skull and get to my realise I am being an idiot." She opened her mouth to argue. "Let me finish!"
She winced at the loud tone, and he winced at making her wince, but he continued on. "Even if it is abusive, breaking down because of it and, I am assuming, questioning whether we should be in a relationship, is not the only option to fix it. I firmly believe that being abusive is a choice, and so you can also choose not to be abusive. If you are afraid of being or becoming abusive – which I don't think you are or could ever be – then you can make a point of being more careful with your emotions." He realised a point and quickly amended. "That doesn't mean you won't get angry.
You might even throw a wrench at me again. I will almost certainly deserve it. But if you choose to actively go against that, you will definitely be able to prevent yourself from becoming like Hefferman." He put up his right hand's index finger to ask for a pause and got up off the ground. "I'll be right back." He quickly ran downstairs to get to the vase with his bouquet in it and took out one of the speedwells before returning. He immediately sat back down next to her. "I picked out a flower for kindness and protection, because I believe that is what you fundamentally are."
She gave another hick and looked up at him. Her eyes were still full of tears, and she was starting to sniffle a lot. "Even if you are abusive, and I cannot see it, then I still believe you can get rid of that trait. If you ever feel too weak to change yourself, then you can ask me and I will do my best to help you." Another hitch. "Even if I'm not abusive, I don't deserve you," she said. "I don't give a fuck if you deserve me or not," he told her with a tone that brokered no argument. "You should," she argued anyway.
He leaned back to get a towel that was lying on the chair and wiped her face with it. "Thanks," she muttered as the crying started to finally abate. "Well, at least you are calming down. I hate seeing you cry as is. Seeing you in a meltdown is worse." He leaned close to her ear. "Please, start applying some of that kindness to yourself. You deserve it, no matter how much you disagree." She finally leaned forward to rest her head on his chest. Taking the chance, he started petting her hair with both hand, even playing with it – making it curl around his fingers.
"I don't think I'll get over this in before bed," she admitted. "I doubt I'll get over it before we get home," she added. "It's not bad, in and of itself, to be afraid of becoming a bad person. It makes you second judge your actions, so you don't become one by accident," he pointed out. "But hurting yourself over something, when it is possible to get up and change it, is just stupid." "How did you get this insightful, when you are still so young? Most sixteen-year-olds don't talk like this. Hell, most adult don't."
"I am still questioning if it was worth the pain learning those lessons young. Currently, I am leaning towards probably," he admitted. "So most of it is the result of your attempt at resurrection?" "This lesson is, indeed, something that came from that disaster. Although I only fully understood it with hindsight, and I almost didn't get a chance to learn it." His mind started screaming at him that it was not a good idea to say that. "What do you mean, you almost didn't get a chance," she asked her first question in a tone that didn't sound on the verge of tears.
"That is something I'm not ready to talk about today. In the days right after the transmutation, I did and thought some stupid stuff. Let's leave that for now, and I will tell when I'm ready." "Okay." She was still lying on his chest, and he noticed that there was slight moisture seeping through his right pant leg. That must be where her tears are falling down, he thought. He then remembered his thoughts earlier today about the possessive thought he had been having lately. Would not be a good time to talk about it, he asked himself and decided he might as well.
"You won't be the only person trying to get better about their own emotions, Win," he told her and lifted her head to look at her. Her eyes were still moist, but she looked a lot better now. "What are you going to be trying to outgrow," she asked, and it was his turn to frown a bit. "Possessiveness." She raised her eyebrow. "Possessiveness?" "Yeah. Over the last two weeks, I have been having trouble with feeling and suggestions that I am afraid would lead me to make this relationship untenable.
I've started to get random bouts of jealousy for absolutely stupid reasons. The mere thought of being with another guy is enough to start up faint whisperings. I hate it. You are your own person and you will always be one. I shouldn't want to have this sort of control over you. I hope it was just the result of hormones, when we were separated, because just like you are afraid of abusiveness, I'm afraid of possessiveness." "Like the idea that I should be your property?"
"The thoughts are not that bad just yet. I think them being new is making it hard to gauge them and their danger. My own fear of it spiralling out of control is not helping. Never give absolute deference to me on what friends and acquaintances you have. It is my job to accept them, even if I despise them. If I demanded you get rid of them, that would be imposing unequal demands, and I don't want that in a relationship. That's why the mere idea of one day becoming so obsessed with you, that I stop recognising your personhood, terrifies me."
She didn't know what to think about that. She always considered jealousy an awful trait. But now her boyfriend had admitted to her face that he felt it, when it came to her, and was afraid of slipping. She decided to give him a slight hug. "Maybe I'm biased too, but I think you are too good to ever succumb to that," she told him, and he actually snickered. "That actually makes me feel better. I always thought you were good at judging people you knew about."
"Didn't stop me from trusting Kimblee back then?" "Yeah, but that guy was a sociopath and a manipulator with years of experience." There was quiet for a bit, and they ended up putting their cheek against each other. "Do you want to give each other space tonight? I will still be right here, but if you want breathing room, I won't begrudge it." She thought about that for a moment. "It would probably do me good. I need to clear my head." "Go right ahead, and we will have another private talk tomorrow, okay?" "Yeah. I think we are too tired to have this sort of conversation."
They pulled apart. "Make sure to remember that you can change if you believe what you are doing is not good. You always have that choice." She finally smiled at him properly and gave a slow nod. "And you make sure to remember that the mere idea of cheating disgusts me to no end. I would never try to maintain two relationships at once. I can be that close to one person." "Let's hope it will be me." "Love always hopes." "Where did you hear that?" "Major... Well, I guess now he's just Mr. Miles, said it once."