AN: STILL NO JOB HUNTING. RAHHHH. WHAT IF I LIED IN THE SYNOPSIS?! HUH? HUH?!
CHAPTER 1 - STRONGEST NUN vs WEAKEST MANCHILD
Everything hurt as I woke up. Groaning, I tried to lift myself to look at my surroundings, but a dull ache quickly stopped me in my tracks. I was still quite sleepy.
'I'm laying on a bed,' I quickly noted to myself. It seems I have been brought to the city while unconscious. Wherever I was laying was cold though. The ceiling was very high. Hospital? No, looked too… ornate for that. A church or temple of some kind, perhaps?
Gritting through the pain, I made the effort to sit up, looking around. There were more beds around, all of them empty. It was bright out, so I likely stayed overnight here.
Not long after a nun entered the room and glared at me. What did I do?!
"Lay down, now." Yikes. That's one scary woman. She continued after a heavy sigh. "Can't believe someone outdid Pallad." However this Pallad guy was, he was clearly a nuisance in these parts. Perhaps a reckless idiot getting himself mauled on the regular? I heeded the kindly nun's advice and laid down, trying to return to la-la land.
Before I could make it there, two armored men entered the room, their heavy armor resounding with every step.
"Ah, you're here. He's still awake," the woman said to the approaching men. I see, they're here to interrogate me. The nun moved away and sat by a nearby table, removing herself from the coming conversation.
"Good afternoon, stranger," one of the men said. Brown haired, rough features but clearly younger than his taller black haired companion. Some kind of officer dragging an underling around, I assumed, "Might we have your name?"
Yes, totally an interrogation. At least he's direct with his line of questioning. Could do with more people like this in general.
I began answering the questions one by one, feeding them some bullshit so I can hopefully not end locked up and tortured for some absurd reason. I tried my best not to laugh as I fed them my premium bullshit. You need to lie as naturally as you breathe if you want to get through seminars in one piece.
Name, Vincent Ramos. Age, 24. Cannot read. Cannot write. Not a local. Lost in the woods. Assaulted by vicious monkey creatures, hilichurls, as the older knight called them. Woke up with a throbbing pain and fuzzy memories, spotted a road and followed it. Ran into two men. Called their attention and collapsed after being attacked by a vicious demon.
"And that is all," I said, hoping to finally rest some more.
"That should be everything for now, yes." The man then looked me dead in the eye. "Are you aware of the type of... demon that attacked you?"
The nun seemed to think this situation was funny, judging by her struggle to not laugh as the knight asked me that.
"Not particularly, no.", no point in lying, I suppose. "I had my back turned to it".
...
Heavy silence in the room. Did I fuck up?
The knight coughed lightly. "Erm... you were attacked by a small dendro slime."
'A... small whatever-slime. Weren't those supposed to be the beginner level mobs in games?'
Apparently not being able to take it any longer, the kind sister decided to leave the room and immediately burst out laughing. It did not take long for the knights to see themselves out and... do the exact same thing.
Ah. I see how it is.
While thinking about how much of a failure I was in this new world, I cried myself to sleep.
…
Judging by how dark it is, it's likely the middle of the night. I have to take a leak. And I'd rather it not be on myself yet again. It's time to hunt for a lone bathroom.
Still hurting like a bitch, I struggle to get out of the comfortable bed. I reach the wall and start groping it, seductively, trying to find the door a door. After a few seconds of foolishness, I take hold of the doorknob and make way into a dimly lit hallway. I really did not want to piss myself for the third time in a single week, so I hoped to find some nun or whatever still up to point me in the right direction. I could still hold it in for a bit, thankfully. I continued down the hallway, finding a large set of doors leading into what I assume is the main hall of the church. Fairly generic looking. An altar to some unknown deity or prophet, seats arranged much like the ones you'd find in any old temple of the Lord. A few lit candles. Unattended, in the middle of the night.
'That can't be very safe.'
As if waiting for my thought processes to finish, a voice, probably belonging to one of the sisters since she sounded like a bitch, asked me a fairly existential question:
"Where are you going?"
While part of me wanted to answer with some smarmy pseudo-intellectual trolling, all I actually mustered was the driest "Bathroom" ever said in Mondstadt.
"There's one in the room you came from."
The suspicious bitchy voice had turned into a very bored bitchy voice all of a sudden.
…
"Right…" I turned back, and was slightly surprised to find… no one. There was no one there, just the faint odor of tobacco. Meh, I got more important things to worry about. Namely, my bladder.
Rosaria happened to be in the back of the church smoking yet another dreadfully boring day away. She could've climbed to the very top of the building, but didn't feel like it. This was a good enough spot to enjoy the sight of day turning to night With the Stormterror situation dealt with by the blonde Traveler and the Knights some months ago, the Fatui presence in Mondstadt began to diminish. Perhaps days like these were a good thing, but it also meant she no longer had many excuses to skip out on church duties without consequence or, Barsibato preserve her, getting Barbara, the annoying brat, involved in her life. It also meant she had far too much time to think. Fortunately, a small commotion waked her from her idle thoughts. A badly injured man it seems; perhaps a chance to temporarily relieve her boredom.
Strutting back into the church, the stench of tobacco weighing heavy on her, she decided to eavesdrop on her fellow sisters. Apparently the idiot foreign looking guy in funny clothes jumped out of the wilderness to catch a guard's attention. Luke, the guard, was on his way from the weekly "search for and rescue Pallad, again" mission. The strange and likely not respectable traveler had accidentally drawn the attention of a Dendro slime. Said slime then rammed him repeatedly, instantly knocking him out and breaking several ribs, a display that not even children like Timmie would allow to happen. The man apparently looked like he had been lost in the woods for some time, smelling worse than a female Hilichurl after a particularly intense mating session. Some of the nuns were surprisingly crass, even for the former child bandit and part-time spy/assassin/torturer/nun.
'Definitely not a bandit. Getting knocked out by a slime in a single hit is… far too pathetic.'
And a bandit or treasure hoarder would never get lost this close to Mondstadt.
Still, the clothes and supposedly foreign looks. This could be another case similar to the Traveler's, albeit far less… exciting. Two knights had entered the church, moving towards the medical room, catching Rosaria's attention. They had no doubt come to ascertain the man's identity.
Rosaria found herself eavesdropping their little "interrogation", if one could even call it that. And of course, the incompetent knights didn't realize they were being lied to, for the most part. While she couldn't see him to confirm it through body language, the man sounded like a habitual liar. Save for Albedo, Kaeya and Diluc (and maybe that "bard") not many people in Mondstadt would recognize the subtle hints of trickery in his voice. Troubling. She'd have to keep a watch on his movements for a while.
...
In the small hours of the night, she heard him getting up.
Standing in a dark corner, Rosaria stalked her suspect, watching as he rubbed himself against the wall while heading for the door. While not a physical threat to the populace, given that a small slime could deal with him, she began to wonder if his presence would turn into a moral threat. Either he's a troublesome sleepwalker or some kind of pervert that enjoys intimate contact with church walls. She did not pray very often, but if Barbotas (or whatever) truly cared, he'd not allow this miscreant to harass anyone during his stay.
Putting those thoughts aside, she watched him reach for the door and head into the hallway.
"Where are you going?" she asked after making sure he was done with his little "inspection" of the worship hall.
"Bathroom."
A lazy answer, but also a truthful one. He didn't even bother turning around to look for the source of the voice, not that she'd allow herself to be seen.
'He might just be a common idiot, or mentally ill.'
"There's one in the room you came from."
...
"Right..."
And just like that, Rosaria made herself scarce. It seemed like tonight she'd have nothing more to do.
It was daytime once more. I got up slowly, expecting a world of hurt but ending up wondering where the pain had gone. Did they have some particularly effective medicine in this place? Healing magic, perhaps?
As if waiting to answer me, a small blonde sister dressed in white barged into the room with some pep on her step. Right behind her came the one from yesterday, still looking at me like I'm either some sort of vermin or clown. Maybe both?
"Good morning mister Vincent. Feeling any lingering pain?"
'An angel' I thought, as the first kind voice in this snake pit they call a church addressed me.
"Uh… no. Not really," I said. The nun approached with a small pouch on her hands and handed it to me. "What's this?" I asked as I handled the surprisingly heavy bag.
"Some Mora, sir. It should be enough for some clothes and a night at the Goethe. This is as much as I was allowed to grant you," she said, sounding very apologetic. I couldn't help but notice the sheer venom in the other nun's face though.
"Thanks miss…" I paused as I realized I didn't know the name of this living blessing upon the Earth.
"Oh, I'm Barbara, Deaconess of the Church of Favonius." She introduced herself to me with a smile that I couldn't help but reply to in kind.
'Barbara is indeed a very nun-ish kinda name. What the hell is a deaconess though?'
"Now!" The voice of the other nun rang out, interrupting our little dialogue, "It seems mister Vincent is well enough to be on his way out". Someone's eager to dump me on the streets. "I'd suggest you bathe yourself," the nun pointed at the bathroom, "and then leave the church. We have urgent matters to attend to, right Deaconess?"
Looking a bit saddened, the blonde wordlessly nodded at the older nun's words.
...
After my short bath, I was unceremoniously kicked out of the church into the streets of this Mondstadt place with nothing but the clergy-given clothes and a bag of money – quantity unspecified. And I have to say… this place is surprisingly empty. Pretty, yes, but very empty. Devoid of normal folk, at least. All I see are knights patrolling and a couple of kids running around the massive statue of what I assume is their deity or uh... prince? Princess? I can't really tell, and maybe that's a good thing. I approach one of the friendlier looking guards and ask him for directions to this 'Goethe' place. Turns out its an hotel of sorts, and fairly closed by. Shelter for the night!
Up next on the list is figuring out how to actually survive here. I cannot expect charity anymore. A job is needed.
I can't read whatever language they use here, even though I'm clearly talking and hearing everything in English. There's some magical crap at work here. This might significantly hamper my attempts at regaining the "employed" status effect.
I decide to explore the city before heading to this Goethe hotel. I shouldn't get lost, given that I have the massive femboy god-king statue as a reference.
Rosaria watched from atop one of the windmills peppered around the city as the now recovered Vincent made his way through the empty streets of Mondstadt. Being Sunday, most of the residents where either sleeping in to enjoy their rest or to cure their hangovers. She herself felt like sleeping in, but there was somewhere she needed to go. She headed towards the Angel's Share, where she'd surely find Kaeya, her ticket to a peaceful Sunday afternoon.
The knights are an often incompetent bunch, but there are a few she knows can get to the bottom of more sensitive topics. She wasn't convinced he posed any real danger at this point, but better safe than sorry. He had lied during his questioning, and quite well it seemed. Not one to work harder than she should, it was better to offload this matter to the bored Cavalry Captain. He would surely get something out of the kid – Vincent had been downgraded from man to manchild during the night.
…
A nearly empty tavern in Mondstadt was… a rare sight, But that is what she saw as she opened the doors to the moody building. 'The owner's here, that explains it'. This might prove troublesome. Not for her, but for the boy. The tan Captain himself and Diluc sat across the same table, mug of beer on one side, nothing on the other. Whatever it was they were previously discussing had clearly soured the redhead's usual mood even further.
Kaeya turned towards her, his typical irritating smug face breaking into a mocking smile.
"Oh, our most devout sister? Walking around in broad daylight? How rare!"
She sighed. "Yes Eyepatch, very amusing."
Diluc looked towards the sole staff member present, Charles, and motioned for some drinks for the pale nun. The usual stuff.
"What brings you here?" he asked, knowing that the woman rarely showed herself under normal circumstances.
"This doesn't concern you." If Diluc didn't know better, he'd take that tone as a threat. "I'm sure you heard about the new arrival?"
"… I did glance over a report over this subject, but those matters are not the concern of a Cavalry Captain." He shrugged and took a sip of his beer.
Liar. She knew he'd read everything about him.
"Rumors only. Mostly concerning his… scent", Diluc said with some mild amusement in his tone. "Nothing particularly remarkable beyond that."
He lied. She could tell.
"What do you think?" No point in smooth talking an answer out of the brothers. Diluc was definitely not gonna talk and Kaeya wasn't drunk (yet) so he'd also not say much. But her questioning had definitely peaked both of their interests.
"Me? I don't have to think much of him. A lost traveler, like so many before him. Should you not be bothering our dear Amber instead?" Kaeya continued. "But for you of all people to come seeking answers, something must've happened. Right?"
Amber... she was too bright for Rosaria's taste. Too pure. She couldn't handle people like her. And it's not like Rosaria would go to Stormterror's Lair just to report something like this to the Outrider, currently out on a solo investigation.
"Rosaria." The redhead stared into her eyes. "He lied about something and the knights are passing on this false information. Correct?"
Grabbing the bottle and drinking straight from it to mask her incoming blush, the nun simply nodded in affirmation. This man was the only one that made her lose her composure. Very dangerous.
Kaeya refilled his mug with some more beer and hmm'd in response. In response to what is what concerned Rosaria at the moment. Did he realize why she reached for the bottle?! Either way, her task was complete. She could go drink in peace and maybe sin a little. The rest is up to the knights and the secretive tycoon now. As for the boy… well, she could only hope he didn't actually prove to be a danger. That'd mean she failed at assessing a threat.
"Thanks for the drink." She lightly shook the bottle of dandelion wine as she left the tavern.
...
"Ah, hate to see you go, love to watch you leave. Right?"
Diluc could only shake his head in response to his brother's words. Not that he disagreed, mind you. Rosaria was… a gifted woman, even if she tended to be unladylike or downright hostile towards most people. Certainly a match for his crooked snake of a brother when it came to troubling personalities and dubious backgrounds.
"Say, Diluc?"
"What?"
"Ever wondered what the forbidden fruit tastes like?"
...
"Charles."
"Yes, Master Diluc?"
"Put the Dandelion wine on the Captain's tab. I'm going back to the Winery."
"Hey! Why?!"
"Hahaha... As you wish, Master Diluc."