It started as son. She cared for me ever since my birth. The one to inspire creativity and freedom. Could heal any scrapes as if it hadn't happened at all, kiss me on the forehead, and ask if it was all better.
Brother, my closest friend. We get into arguments over who used what or fight until I give in. He's still my strongest supporter despite it all.
Disappointment. This family was held to a higher standard, and I didn't meet it. He would scowl at me; tell me I hadn't tried hard enough. Too lazy to fall in line with the rest of the family and take up a khopesh like my brother. No matter how hard I tried, I was still clumsy in combat magic. Lazy for having caved and started studying statuary magic instead. I'll never be as good as Julius.
Initiate, I worked hard in my studies. I want to prove that I am still worth something to the family. Constant scorning from my father only pushes me further to keep improving.
Boyfriend. Her smile could light up a room in my opinion. The way her eyes gleam upon landing on me is enough for me to dedicate anything and everything she could ever want. Chocolate? Yes, I'll find her favorite and make sure she gets it without a tutor noticing. Fight another initiate in her honor? No, I watch as she leaves happily with him as I spit up blood.
Scribe, finally. All my hard work in my studies had paid off. However, I'm still a sore sight to my father. The assignments I am given are now my effort to try and prove my worth to the Kane name.
Hurt, I can barely swallow down my emotions as I listen to Julius telling me that our mother has passed on. Died in her sleep, but left behind two sons mourning their loss and a further upset husband.
Waste of resources, I curl up on my bed as Julius tries to say otherwise. But he can't erase what our father says. Our mother's passing has turned this house colder, and her mourning husband's heart has turned to ice.
Hero, I stand in astonishment at the words directed towards me. I had simply done what was needed. Returning water to the village's well was a matter of life or death to them. I don't believe their excitement about my help. I leave feeling like a fraud.
Everything, my heart flutters to him saying it. I enjoy lying in bed with him and just cuddling. I would gladly leave New York and move in with him in Sweden, there's nothing for me here anyway.
Heartbroken, to have him break things off after a year of our secret. His family would be angry if they knew. I plead my case, that perhaps being a disappointment is simply a build in personal growth. I would gladly stick beside him and be a disappointment with him. That was apparently the exception to his everything.
Cold, but how else am I supposed to feel? My father's death just makes me resent him, and I feel numb, unable to mourn the loss. I wasn't ever able to prove myself, and it leaves me with sour regret.
Asshole. I just roll my eyes as he is dragged through the portal to Cairo. Plotting against the Chief Lector is heavily frowned upon, let alone planning to summon a god to do so.
Lonely, my face falls after he leaves the mansion. He's moving on, planning to marry Faust in the summer. I love that he is doing as much, but the silence in the mansion is harsh.
Lively, but that is just the side of me they see. Normals only get to see the façade in the end. The Jazz music I'm able to perform with them is a feeling I realize I might chase for a while.
Ex, our paths cross again while on assignment. It's nice to catch up on everything. He's married now and tells me he doesn't know where he'd be without her. I learned that 'everything' is just a word as I watched him leave again after we finished what was needed of us. At least we can still be cordial.
Uncle Amos, I hold in a breath as I take in the bundle of joy in my sister-in-law's arms. He looks just like his dad. Ruby asks if I would like to hold Carter. Julius jokingly reminds me to breathe, I'm worried I might break him just being in my grip.
Amusing, I just scowl at the earth magician who chuckles after a demon had just slipped out of my well-thought-out trap for it. "We should try my suggestion, Kane, no?" His plan worked the next day, and the wandering demon giving the Two Hundred and Fifteenth Nome migraines was sent back into the Duat.
Roommate, I never considered the idea of it. Yet here I was, dealing with a baboon that just ripped open a bag of Cheerios in the middle of the Great Room of the family mansion. A representation of Thoth or not, I'm not sure I enjoy cleaning up after Khufu as often as I do.
Kane, I paused and had to take a moment to realize the initiate had addressed me. I've always just been Amos. I gulp down the emotions of failure hitting all over again, anchoring myself to answer his question instead.
Smart, I'm stunned by the word leaving the Frenchman's mouth. Desjardins has always been around to look down on what I've been doing. Fair, he was more powerful than I. All I did was suggest trapping the hippo to move further down the Nile rather than kill it for the magician death count it has accumulated. I was just grateful I was heard.
Co-conspirator. I didn't even know. Now, my brother was on the run with his son in tow, forced to leave his daughter with her grandparents. Ruby is gone, and I fear my brother will do something rash in response. Restrictions have been placed on me; the Per Ankh is concerned I had something to do with their summoning of Bast. If I knew, I would have stopped them. The Twenty-First is quieter than it ever has been.
Blameless, I doubt it upon him explaining how he felt. How can anyone live and be considered to have done nothing wrong? To some degree, there is always something that counts as wrong, no matter how small. I never knew someone could be as old as him and believe someone to be like that.
Talented, I'm taken aback by the compliment. "It's nothing, more like a hobby," I brush off to his annoyance. The older magician's eyes narrow at that as he faces me after patting Philip's snout. I didn't realize that was him taking it as a challenge, looking for any way to show me how impressive my abilities in statuary truly are. I cave finally, keeping the humor of Michel having attacked father's old words that had haunted me to myself.
Crazed Hermit, but never to my face. Always whispers every time I'm asked to make an appearance in Cairo now. I learned to move beyond what onlookers gossip over, they clearly don't know the whole story. Khufu hands me Oreos after I spill the silly rumors upon coming back home.
Mon chou. My French isn't the best, so it took me some time to realize what he was saying. "My cabbage?" Michel is quick to laugh at the look of disgust on my face. "No, it's more like chou à la crème."
Amos. While yes, it's my name, the tone of it thrown at me by my own brother hurts. I understand he's annoyed that I've caught on to his plans, I would assume that would halt it. He's already lost his wife, why would he risk losing what he has left? My pleas only piss him off further.
Uncle Amos, and while I've said this name myself and heard it from them when they were much younger, it hits harder. I haven't seen them in six years, and they were young and barely remember me. I weep over this hurt coming back. I never wanted to be ripped away from them. If I could go back, I would have turned on the House of Life sooner so I could stay with my family.
Compère, despite explaining that I was in London in an attempt to stop it all. I failed, but I wasn't going to tolerate my nephew and niece being tossed behind bars before the Per Ankh could finalize their approach to the situation. Desjardins proves that he never really believed I was blameless, annoyed that I will not hand over what is left of my family just because they demand it.
Foolish, the fear that comes from his grin is overwhelming. How did he expect me to come to investigate his building project?
My chosen. Despite his attempts to get me to join his efforts, I refuse. I gag to the sensory overload he seems entertained to torture me with. I heave for breaths in-between sessions. How can someone claim a want for a partnership in their schemes but still inflict pain on them? It only reinforces my stance, seeming to annoy the god further before doing it again. "I suppose I'll just break you then."
Helpless puppet. I can't feel anything. Can't smell, or taste. The only senses he's allowed me to keep are sight and hearing. I want to scream, warn everyone around me. Set's voice booms in an evil laughter in my head. I'd prefer the torture sessions before this, at least then no one else was in danger. I try anything I can to fight back once Carter and Sadie are close, but he is quicker to take control again. An annoyed tsk echoes in my skull. "Play nice, we wouldn't want you to collapse, would we?"
Guilty, if only Michel knew. I shrink to Carter and Sadie accusing him of hosting Set, they have no idea. Set intones for the children to run for it, wanting them to still make time. Protecting them from Desjardins anger. Thankfully, all of the storm magic being used makes it clear in his glare that he knows where Set is. Good, maybe he can end it all, I can't take it anymore.
Pathetic, Set sneers at my attempt to lose. I want to cry; this should have been the end of Set's plan. He managed to get us to survive Sekhmet too, my desperation hurts further as I realize he might get what he wants. "Don't worry, you'll die with the rest of your family soon enough. You're too entertaining to dispose of now, however."
Plaything. I can barely hear them talking over my strangled breathing. I have control again, but I realize it's because he knows I can't stop him. Couldn't help himself to get one more attack in. My vision is blackening, but I can scarcely see the fear on Sadie's face. I'm sorry. I want to get up, help, anything. It hurts too much to even talk. The Red Lord's laugh is the last thing I hear as the darkness envelops me. I failed you all, I'm so, so sorry.