Clouds.
Dark, rumbling clouds circling overhead. Fat with rain, white thunder brewing in their cores. Constantly blocking out the warmth of the sun.
A cold drizzle pokes at my skin, like tiny needles trying to puncture me inch by inch.
It's working.
They're getting deeper.
And deeper.
Ice-cold flesh breaks and warm blood oozes down my collarbone.
I deserve to suffer.
I deserve-
"Sayori?"
His voice breaks me out of my stupor. The clouds retreat, for now. But they always come back.
"You alright? You've been quiet the entire walk home. It's really not like you. Normally you'd have talked about how the street lights look like giant jawbreakers or something," he says with a little laugh.
Like music to my ears. That chuckle of his. One of the clouds dissipates.
"Oh, are we already here?" I ask, my eyes refocusing. Sure enough, we're standing in front of our houses. Perks of being neighbors!
"Yup, I gotta study for the exam tomorrow so I'm gonna head inside."
"And by study, do you mean doing one question then a few hours of anime before bed?"
He blushes and pouts. "N-no! I'm gonna dedicate all I've got to this. I can't go to the festival if I don't pass, and I'm the only one on the edge!"
"I'm just messing with you. You're gonna do great! Show those guys what happens when you buy 40 watermelons at once!" I wave and turn to go into my house, but he grabs my arm.
"Hold up, did you forget already?" I raise an eyebrow and he takes off his backpack, rummaging around in It before pulling out a slip of paper. His poem from today. "I told you that you'd get to keep this one, remember? You said you wanted to keep it during the club meeting and I agreed to give it to you when we got home. So here."
I gingerly take the poem and hug it to my chest. I squeal and wrap my arms around him, jumping up and down. "Thank you thank you thank you! I'm gonna tape it to my ceiling so I can read it every morning when I wake up~"
He sighs and removes himself from me, patting my head. Electricity shoots through my shoulders as I feel his fingers fiddle with my bow. "You're so weird, Sayori."
"You still care about me though~"
"Yeah, yeah," he says, trying unsuccessfully to hide a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He turns and makes his way to his house and I do the same, skipping happily into my home.
My parents are gone for the year, one a big business trip, so I'm home alone. The house is clean since I almost never spend time anywhere but my room, so I don't need to worry about Mom or Dad suddenly coming home one day to a huge mess.
I skip into my room and throw my bag onto the ground before changing. That stuffy uniform and all its buttons really does a number to my poor chest! Of course, me refusing to just buy a bigger blazer might have something to do with it. Oh well!
I flop onto my bed and let out a sigh. Not of relief, but of anxiety. Because I know what's coming. What comes every day.
The clouds.
Those awful black clouds.
The sunshine I feel when I see him diminishes, blocked by those same ugly clouds.
I lay on my side and curl up, hugging a plushie to my chest. It does nothing to help.
Why do I feel this way?
Why can't I just be normal?
Why can't I be happy?
I stare out of my window to his house. I can't see into his bedroom window, the NEET always keeping his blinds closed so the sun won't interrupt whatever season of anime he's binging.
I always keep my blinds open, despite it never doing anything. The warmth of the sun beats down on me through the window, but it doesn't do anything. My skin is too cold.
I feel it again. The clouds growing, as if charging their special lightning attack. The rain falls faster, battering against my necrotic skin.
I feel my arm tingle and my eyes refocus. It's nighttime. I must have laid here for several hours. Again.
But it doesn't matter. There's nothing worth getting up for. Nothing I can find the worth in, anyway. No, I think I'll just lay here and rot.
Feel my sickly black flesh slough off my bones from the frostbite. I can't be happy, so I've just given up on trying.
The blackness starts at my feet, then creeps up. My liquifying flesh creeps up past my legs, to my torso. I throw the plushie across the room and close my eyes. All that's left to do is wait.
Not for long, though. The necrosis slithers past my chest. Past my clavicle.
It approaches my neck. My throat.
I can feel my skin give way to the inky blackness. Barbed wire wraps around my neck.
Maybe it's time to just let go. The girls at the club won't miss me. Monika can handle the club just fine on her own.
And he most certainly won't miss me. I'm just a pain for him. A bother he has to constantly care for.
It would be better for everyone if I just disappeared. I should let it wrap around my throat and suffocate me.
I reach down under my bed without getting up, searching for the rope. But my fingers grab something else. A scrap of paper. I lift it up and take a look. Using the light from the moon, I realize it's a poem.
His poem.
I read his poem from top to bottom. I read it again.
Then something miraculous happens.
I feel something. For the first time in a long time.
Light breaks the darkness.
A single sunbeam rushes down to me, filling me with warmth.
My blackened toes begin to regain their color. The frayed nerves thicken and the muscle grows.
Heat fills my chest as I read it again and again. The dead skin flakes off, revealing healthy pink flesh underneath.
A hand grasps the wire around my neck and tears it away.
His hand.
The clouds are still there. They're not going away anytime soon.
My skin is still cold, the warmth waxing and waning.
But that single ray of light…
..well, sunshine only comes after rain, right?