Hey guys, Figured I would try my hand at a Harry Potter fanfic. I'm not going to promise a specific timeline for updates as I work full time and have two horses who also take up a lot of my time and I don't want to make promises I may not be able to keep. I am determined to continue and complete this though it might take a while.
TRIGGER WARNING: This story deals with conversion therapy and explores the trauma associated with it and the healing afterwards. I do not believe in conversion therapy and I find it a deplorable practice and I can't even imagine the pain and horror that people experienced. To anyone who has been through this or knows anyone who has gone through this I am so very sorry. This story by no means is meant to offend anyone, and if it does I deeply apologize. I struggled with the concept of the story, as I am on the LGBTQ+ Spectrum myself, but could not get the story out of my head. This is loosely based off of an episode of the Netflix series "Haunted" that covers conversion therapy.
Summary: Sirius goes AWOL the summer between 5th and 6th years and the Marauders become concerned after they notice particular behavioral changes in Padfoot when he returns to their lives beginning of 6th year. He's hiding something and they will figure out what it is. But can they help him heal? What happened to the trouble maker and Prongs' right hand man? JxE, SxR, other pairings TBD.
This starts when the Marauders are entering their 6th year of Hogwarts, timing it around the same time Sirius canonically leaves his own house. I am changing some things up a little bit though. In my story Lily and James get together 5th year and everything with Snape happens in 5th year as well. Characters may be OOC a little but I contribute it to we never really got a whole good look at how exactly James and Lily were when they were alive or how Remus, Sirius, and Peter were in Hogwarts, or how they all interacted as a group once Lily and James had gotten together. We got glimpses here and there yes but nothing too in depth. So this is my interpretation so bare that in mind.
I'm not sure how far this will go into things, if it will end before Harry's time or if it will continue into the main books but we shall see how far the wind takes us. I do hope you guys enjoy!
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing! All characters and anything else referenced in this story is owned by she-who-must-not-be-named.
He sat in the train car, mind reeling, trying to get his emotions under control and get his mask in place before his friends arrived on the train. He had arrived before he knew James, Remus, and Peter would so he could gather his thoughts and come up with a believable story as to why he didn't send them any owls all summer. He knew he couldn't flat out lie but, if he was being honest, he was ashamed of the truth. He just couldn't bring himself to admit what his parents had done to him…what he had done to himself…to his closest friends. He let out a soft snort as his more logical side reminded him 'They won't blame you. They will tell you it's not your fault. Cause it's not.' But his less logical side, the side of him that was just a timid little boy who was terrified of what anyone might think; and the side that was currently winning, fought against it. 'If you weren't gay…if you liked girls how you were supposed to…if you were in Slytherin like the rest of them…hated muggle-borns and half-bloods like the rest of them…it never would have happened.'
But he couldn't. He was gay, he was in Gryffindor, and he saw no issue with anyone being muggle-born or half-blood, one of his close friends was a muggle-born. He was everything his parents hated, and he refused to change. Though they had only found out he was gay at the beginning of this summer. 'Bloody idiot. Why did you have to come out? Why did you decide to do it alone? Why didn't you run away again that night? James would have been happy to have you.' He thought to himself and kicked himself even further.
He shook his head and took a breath. He was supposed to be coming up with a cover story, not letting his thoughts linger on the true story. 'Pull yourself together Padfoot' he scolded himself. He decided on a version of the truth but not the whole truth. He was pulled out of his thoughts by a loud familiar voice booming into the car.
"PADFOOT! MATE! YOU'RE ALIVE! HEY REMUS, HE'S HERE! HE'S NOT DEAD!" the unmistakable voice of one James Potter echoes around his head as one of his best mates practically launches himself on him. It took everything in Sirius Black to not flinch or jump at the sudden contact.
"Jeez Prongs, ever heard of a gym?" Sirius joked, prodding the other teenager in the stomach to get him off. James scoffed, feigning offense as he plops himself down onto the bench across from Sirius as per their usual seating arrangement. A couple moments later a ruffled boy with mousey brown hair and scars on his face nearly slams into the doorframe of the car they are in, slightly out of breath from the sudden run at James' yelling.
"Pads!" He started before lightly slapping Sirius on the back of the head, to which the other boy barely held back a flinch. "Where in the worlds were you all summer? Care to explain why I was never graced with at least a letter? Kind of missed that old scruffy owl of yours."
"Sorry…. It's been…an interesting summer. I'll fill you both in on the way. Where's Peter? And Evans?" He asked, looking around as Remus took his usual spot next to him. Wherever him, James, and Remus went there always seemed to be a little tagalong in Peter Pettigrew. They didn't mind him much and he was fun to play pranks with. He was quite timid though and didn't really have many friends other than them. They couldn't say exactly when he started hanging around them but over time, they came to trust him with their lives. At least the boy hadn't given them any reasons not to. He didn't have to wait long before his question was answered as a small scraggly boy walked in, even more out of breath than Remus had been. The boy was small, a lot shorter than most kids their age, thin like a broomstick with buck teeth that stood out if he was relaxed enough. He could usually be found sniffing around and looking around and was usually quite jumpy.
"Oh, there you are Wormtail. Was wondering if you had fallen under the train or something." James teased, ruffling the small boy's hair. Peter gave James a look and rolled his eyes slightly but shook his head and sat next to the door on James' side, knowing the spot directly next to him was for Lily Evans, James' long-time crush and current girlfriend. Sirius laughed lightly as James teased Peter, happily accepting the distraction.
"Oh, good you found the idiots Peter. Oh! Sirius!" a redheaded girl exclaimed as she appeared in the doorway of the train car. Sirius looked up and smiled as his eyes met with the emerald green ones of one Lily Evans.
"The one and only Evans. And good to know you don't lump me in the title of idiot. Though Prongs…ouch man." He teased to which James pouted in Lily's direction.
"You really think that way of me Flower?" he asked his girlfriend, giving her his best puppy eyes. Lily rolled her eyes and sat next to him, playfully shoving him on the shoulder before leaning over to place a quick peck on his cheek.
"Don't be so dramatic Potter." She quipped, amusement coloring her tone. James had forgotten everything at the kiss on the cheek and instead of a pout he was wearing a stupid silly grin. Sirius smirked, watching the pair, silently praying he can keep them distracted enough to where they wouldn't ask him any questions…at least not tonight.
"Enough amusement on my account. Pads. Where the hells were you all summer man? Did you really get so sick of us that you just drop off the face of the earth?" James asked, cutting off the laughs at his expense. Sirius inwardly cursed; he should have known he couldn't get off that easy. Besides, he did tell James and Remus he would fill them in on the way. He glanced out the window as the train began moving, watching the faces of family members move by their window as The Hogwarts Express left Platform 9 ¾. Sirius took a breath and mentally reminded himself of his doctored story.
"Sorry….as I said it was an interesting summer." Sirius began again, one hand moving to the back of his head and burying into his hair nervously. "I wanted to write mate. Hells I was even going to run away again. But seems Mother dearest can foresee most of my tricks. I um….so I um…. mayhavecomeouttomyparentsthissummer." He spat out at once, "ripping the bandage off" as Lily would say.
"Sorry you did what now?" Remus asked, nearly choking on his own saliva.
"I um…came out…to my parents…. this summer?" Sirius repeated slower, a little confused as to Remus' reaction to it. He recalled a conversation they had had last year about the possibility of Sirius' parents finding out about his sexuality.
"Wow. I know that was a possibility, but I thought it was still not certain yet. How…Um…How did they take it?" Remus asked almost hesitantly. He didn't imagine they took it well since they didn't hear from Sirius all summer but somewhere deep inside, he had hoped that maybe they were okay with it and Sirius had just been spending the summer with them and couldn't send an owl.
"Well, um…not well actually." Sirius shrugged. "They locked me in my room and forbade me contact anyone. I mean…better than it could have gone, I guess. But I wouldn't necessarily say it went well."
"Blimey mate. I'm sorry. If I had known I would have come and broke you out myself." James was astonished, though he really shouldn't be. Sirius' parents never would win the 'Parent of the year' award. They had been known to treat Sirius differently because of his school house and friend choices, why wouldn't they be just as horrible finding out about their son's romantic and sexual preferences.
Remus watched Sirius closely, his story seemed believable enough but there was something strange about it. He couldn't place exactly what was wrong though. He believed that Sirius had in fact come out to his parents, and he could believe their response. But something wasn't right, he noticed Sirius' glances towards his lap and his fingers twitching towards his shirt. Remus knew that Sirius would fidget with his shirt when he was nervous, and he could tell that his boyfriend had been fighting that urge since they entered the car. He inwardly resolved to figure out the truth, but he would not pressure the boy to bare his soul in front of everyone if he did not wish to. Glancing at Peter and James he could tell the other two boys took Sirius' story for his word and did not question it.
Lily, who had mostly been silent during Sirius' explanation with her hand over her mouth in slight shock, stood and moved to pull Sirius into a hug. She didn't know what else to do and wished to give the boy some modicum of comfort.
Sirius quickly changed the subject and soon, although Remus wasn't convinced, the leader of their group was delving into a tale on his own summer. Sirius was glad to have the conversation off of him and was eager to keep the others talking. He just hoped that he could make it without any nightmares this year. If only he were that lucky.