Shadow stretched out on his stomach on the couch, enjoying a rare tranquil moment. The TV played low in the background, drawing his attention every now and then. Mostly, he was focused inward, letting his mind and body relax.
A purr rumbled up his throat, the contented sound of a hedgehog at ease. Shadow nestled deeper into the soft cushions, closing his eyes as his purr grew louder.
But then his purr suddenly stopped, breaking the steady rhythm, before resuming again. Shadow's eyes snapped open with a frown. Had he imagined that? He focused on the soothing rumble, trying to purge his mind of stressful thoughts, to melt back into that calm state. But again, the purring faltered, pausing briefly before starting up again.
Shadow sat up, pressing a hand against his throat, feeling the interrupted vibrations. His purr almost sounded... broken. With that thought, the purr died away altogether.
Was this a developing flaw, or had it always been that way? Surely, he would have noticed before if-
But when was the last time he had purred? When was the last time he had allowed himself to feel comfort?
His heart clenched as a realization dawned on him. The last time he could remember purring was when Maria would gently stroke his quills when the cold labs and near-constant prodding had left him shaken and anxious. His purr had flowed freely and fully, emanating from a place of complete contentment. But after Maria's death, after everything changed, that kind of tranquility eluded him. Joy and comfort became distant memories buried under grief and survivor's guilt. He had forgotten how it felt to relax and purr; instead, he stayed tense and alert, primarily focusing on carrying out his missions. It was only now, after finally having some stability in his life and letting people in, that the vulnerable part of himself was beginning to reemerge.
But something had broken inside him, some innocence or unquestioning contentment, taken away along with Maria's life. Perhaps the irregular purring was his body's way of mourning the life he could have had, the childhood that was stolen from him. Or maybe it was his body trying to warn him – don't get too comfortable. You know loss can come when you least expect it. It's best not to let your guard down completely.
It could be both. That he was aching for his first home while bracing himself to endure losing one all over again… that he was wary of being hurt again.
Shadow sighed, his breath shaking on its way out. Even in moments of bliss, even when he finally felt safe, the darkness of his past clung to his soul. The jagged edges of pain were woven into the very cadence of his purr, keeping part of him trapped in that moment when he lost his sister.
Shadow swallowed back a lump in his throat, ears drooping. Suddenly, the quiet house felt too big and too empty. Maybe… maybe Amy's warm energy would help fill up the lonely space. She had a way of pulling him out of the darkness and making him smile almost unconsciously. Yes, his girlfriend's company sounded perfect right now. Shadow reached for his phone from the coffee table, pulled up Amy's number, and typed out a message for her:
Hey Rose, I was wondering if you would like to come over this evening? I could use some company.
He stared at the words, reading them over a few times before finally pressing send with a deep breath. That should be nice and casual, not revealing how much he truly needed her right now. He didn't want Amy to worry over him; he just wanted things to feel normal for a little while, to not think about the melancholy that had settled over him. With the text sent, he set his phone beside him to wait for her response. He crossed his arms tightly as if hugging himself could soothe the ache in his chest.
Shadow's gaze kept sliding to his silent phone, impatience and nerves mixing within him the longer he went without a response. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe he should have just kept these desolate thoughts to himself instead of dragging Amy into his sorrow. His fingers tapped an anxious rhythm on his arm as he fought the urge to grab his phone and type out another message.
Just when he thought he couldn't stand the silence any longer, his phone buzzed with an incoming text. Shadow snatched it up, a small smile creeping onto his face as he read Amy's enthusiastic confirmation. She would be over in twenty minutes, her reply promised, signed with a string of heart emojis.
Shadow huffed a small laugh, some tension already easing from his body. He set his phone aside once more and began tidying things up around the living room. He fluffed the couch pillows, straightened the books on the coffee table, and wiped a smudge off the TV, just little things to give him something to do while he waited for Amy to arrive. He didn't want to seem overeager, waiting by the door like an anxious puppy.
Right on time, Shadow's ears perked up at the sound of footsteps bounding up the exterior stairs, followed by an enthusiastic knock at the door. Shadow crossed the room in a blink, pulling the door open to reveal Amy's smiling face.
"Hi, Shadow!" Amy greeted him with a hug the moment the door swung open. Shadow tensed on instinct before slowly bringing his arms up to return the embrace.
"Hello, Rose," he greeted back, a soft smile touching his lips as Amy pulled back and toed her boots off, practically bursting with bubbly energy.
"Come sit with me," Shadow invited, leading her to the couch. They cuddled together, Amy curling her legs beneath her as she happily tucked herself against Shadow with a content hum. He put his arm around her shoulders, still marveling at how perfectly she fit there.
Amy chatted about her day, keeping a steady stream of happy chatter. Shadow was content to simply listen, letting her voice wash over him soothingly as her warmth seeped into his bones.
After a few minutes, Amy paused. "Is that… are you purring?" she asked.
Shadow blinked, turning his attention back to himself enough to realize he had started to purr softly. The gentle thrum stuttered for a moment but quickly resumed its uneven rhythm. He cleared his throat, cutting it off completely.
"I suppose I was," he murmured.
"What? No, don't stop!" Amy protested, scooting closer. "It was cute!"
Shadow's ears flattened self-consciously at Amy's words, averting his gaze. His purr had sounded anything but cute to him. "It's not quite right," he said quietly.
Amy frowned, tilting her head. "What do you mean?"
Shadow struggled to put his fears into words, tension creeping into his frame again. How could he explain something he was still coming to understand himself?
Amy placed a soothing hand on his arm. "It's okay, take your time," she encouraged gently.
Shadow took a steadying breath before trying again. "It's just… my purr. It sounds off." His voice was low, the words coming slowly. "I hadn't even realized until today. But now that I've noticed, it bothers me."
He risked a glance at Amy's face. Her eyes were soft as she regarded him, lips turned down in a thoughtful little frown.
"Oh, Shadow," she murmured. "Your purr sounds wonderful to me."
Shadow shook his head slightly, looking away again. "You didn't know me… before." Before the loss, before the trauma, before everything good was ripped away.
Shadow raised his haunted crimson eyes back to Amy's soft emerald ones. "It's just hard," he admitted, his voice dropping to a pained whisper. "Sometimes it feels like I'm still stuck in the past, like I'm still too broken inside to ever be whole again."
Shadow's voice cracked on the last word, tears burning behind his eyes.
"Hey." Amy took his hand in both of hers, cradling it gently. "You've endured terrible things that left painful scars, but you are far from broken."
She gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "You have such strength and resilience. It took incredible courage to let yourself be vulnerable enough to purr at all after everything you went through." She brushed her thumb over his knuckles soothingly. "I know opening yourself back up must be scary for you. But the fact that you're trying, that you let me in… it shows how hard you're fighting to heal."
Shadow exhales shakily, desperately wanting to believe her, wanting to accept the solace she offers instead of the fear still haunting him.
"I wish I could see myself the way you do," he whispers.
Amy cups his face gently. "You will. I'll help you. When you start to doubt yourself, I'll remind you of the light I see in you."
Shadow held her gaze for a long moment, emotions swirling in his crimson eyes. After a moment, he relaxed, the lingering tension easing from his frame.
"You always know what to say," he said softly and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
"I just speak the truth," Amy replied, tucking her head under his chin.
After a minute, the comforting rumble started up once more. Still uneven. Still laced with grief. But a purr nonetheless. This time, Shadow didn't try to stop it; he was too caught up in Amy's comforting warmth to care about anything else.
"There it is," Amy whispered, her own gentle purr harmonizing with his. Shadow held her tighter, a deep sense of peace settling over him.
Maybe he was being too hard on himself. Recovery took time; not even the Ultimate Lifeform was immune to trauma's lingering grasp. The fact that he could purr at all now was progress. The darkness of his past may always cling to him on some level, but with Amy by his side, he starts to feel hope for the present and future.