AN: If you read my Lwaxodo stories, I guess you can think of this as an alternate take on the reception. I just really wanted to write it.
I own nothing from Star Trek.
I hope you enjoy! If you do, please do let me know!
111
Quark had promptly announced that, if he was throwing a reception for the happy couple, they ought to remain outside long enough for him to prepare things in a suitable manner. He invited input and advice from everyone, it seemed, except for Odo and Lwaxana. He requested they take a long walk around the promenade—inviting anyone they might like, as they went, to their reception—and give him time to work.
"I'll never be able to thank you enough, Odo, for saving my son," Lwaxana said, sincerely, as they walked, arms linked loosely.
The air around her felt light and happy. Odo wished that he could truly bask in that feeling. He couldn't help but think that, stupidly, he might have once found this small gesture of affection—slipping her arm through his and insisting they walk this way, together—annoying. He might have felt like Lwaxana's touch was somehow oppressive or even offensive.
Now, he ached at the thought that, at some point, she might stop touching him, never to do it again.
He placed his hand over her arm, patting it, in hopes that it somehow communicated the way that he felt and found himself quite unable to express.
"My son," Odo said. "Our son," he quickly added. The words tasted unexpected—much sweeter than he might have imagined they could, if he ever found himself with a reason to say them. Lwaxana looked at him with a furrowed brow. He felt his body respond to the expression and his simultaneous realization that Lwaxana couldn't read him—she didn't know his innermost thoughts—and that was something unusual and, perhaps, a little unsettling for her. "Tavnian law dictates that the boy is my son," Odo added.
"Of course…" Lwaxana said. "But…"
Odo sensed her unease. He patted her arm again and stopped walking for a moment.
"Do not misunderstand me…Lwaxana. I don't wish to take the child or anything of the sort. It's simply that, well…as your husband, the boy is my son. I have never had a son. In fact, I have never allowed myself to truly even entertain the possibility that such a thing might someday come to pass. It is my understanding, however, that my inclination to protect…" Odo stopped.
Today was a day of realizations—and sudden ones. Today was a day where the things he hadn't even realized that he'd been feeling and thinking were bubbling up to the surface in such a way that he heard them, even as he said them, and realized their truth.
Odo had told himself, at first, that what he'd done had been to help a friend and nothing more. He'd married Lwaxana because she needed his help, and he'd wanted to help her, just as she had helped him in the past. Now, he realized even more how much he'd lied to himself.
Odo had wanted to help Lwaxana, yes, but he also felt protective of her. He felt protective of the child she carried—his child, now, as law would dictate.
And he still felt protective of both of them. He felt things for both of them that he'd never felt before. It was as if something inside him was shifting, as surely as everything else about him had the potential to shift, but this was happening without his intention or control.
"Lwaxana, I must admit that…my desire to save the child—to save both of you—from what Jeyal intended," Odo said, after stopping and gathering his thoughts once more, "may not have been entirely selfless."
Lwaxana smiled at him. She reached a hand up and touched his cheek tenderly. He closed his eyes. The ache within him was profound.
"Oh, Odo—I care for you, too," Lwaxana said. "You do know that. And I'm sure that…that…our son will, too."
He opened his eyes to her.
"You will—allow me to know the boy?" He asked.
"Of course," Lwaxana said. "He's your son, Odo. And—I want him to know you well. We'll visit often, I promise. Why—if you wanted—you could visit us on Betazed. Whenever you like. Our home will always be open to you, and I will always be happy to see you."
"Lwaxana…" Odo said, not sure how he would manage to say what was on his mind.
"Come on, Odo," she said, interrupting him. "Let's go to the party. I'm sure everyone is waiting on us by now."
"I'm not in the mood for a party," Odo said.
"Oh," she said, sucking her teeth at him softly, "I know you don't like parties, Odo, but you'll like this one. Everyone you know will be there. All of your friends are coming. And they're happy for you. They want to celebrate that happiness and all the good wishes they have for your life. Odo—all of the circumstances behind the party may not be real, but their hopes for you and your happiness? That's all real. Come on—you'll enjoy this party. I'll make sure that you do."
Odo didn't protest, though he desperately wanted to do so.
It wasn't the party he most feared, this time, but the end of it—the moment when Lwaxana would tell them all that the marriage wasn't real.
111
Odo listened to all the speeches of his friends, and even a few people that he didn't exactly consider more than acquaintances. He heard speeches wishing him good luck in marriage, including a few that offended him slightly because they made fun of how difficult this or that person thought Lwaxana was and how, without a doubt, this was a case of beauty being in the proverbial eye of the beholder. Some recounted even how Odo, himself, had not been particularly keen on their relationship at one time—a time when he hadn't known Lwaxana for all she was.
He had started to put a stop to a few of the speeches, but when he'd begun to speak and say that what they were saying was unkind to his beloved wife, Lwaxana had grabbed his arm and stopped him. She'd held onto his arm, and she'd patted it, leaning her head against him affectionately and smiling over the speeches, instead of showing any hurt or disappointment.
She wasn't offended, and so Odo accepted that she took their teasing for what he hoped they meant it to be—simple, good-natured teasing.
There were a few comments made about how much people hadn't realized how very in love Odo and Lwaxana were until hearing his vows. Odo had refrained from pointing out that he hadn't realized it, either, and that now he wasn't sure what to do about it, because he was at risk of losing his greatest love over a misunderstanding and a miscommunication.
He had even somewhat overheard a few, particularly those who hadn't been present for the vows, mumbling something about Odo not seeming particularly happy, now, at the wedding reception. They, of course, misunderstood his lack of absolute bliss at the moment as a dissatisfaction for his new marriage when, honestly, nothing could be further from the truth.
Odo was happy with Lwaxana. He was happier with her, at this moment, than he thought possible. She was his light, just as he had said. He was afraid, though, that this was all about to be over. He would soon be without her and the light that she brought to his life.
And, even though he was a shapeshifter whose whole life was a visual performance of sorts, Odo couldn't bring himself to look cheerful in the face of possibly losing Lwaxana—and his new son—forever, and not knowing what in the world he might do to guard against such a thing.
When the speeches were done, Quark announced something about a cake that would soon be ready, and then there was a great insistence that music start playing and that Odo and Lwaxana dance for everyone gathered to see before they, themselves, also danced to celebrate the marriage.
"I don't dance," Odo said.
"Of course, you do," Lwaxana insisted. "Dance with me, Odo. It's our wedding day, and it's tradition to dance in almost every culture. Dance with me, Husband."
And, just like that, Odo danced. He danced clumsily, perhaps, and uncomfortably, but he danced, because it was their wedding day, and that was what would make Lwaxana happy. Odo wanted to make his beloved wife happy. The need to do so, in fact, was practically a primal need.
Odo found himself holding Lwaxana in his arms and swaying with her. Despite the presence of so many people they knew—and even quite a few who had stumbled in to enjoy the party, but weren't actual friends or acquaintances—Odo found that he didn't feel uncomfortable or self-conscious. All that he felt, at the moment, was pleased to hold Lwaxana in his arms and to feel her close to him.
He held her just a little tighter when he thought of letting her go—of ever having to let her go. He felt the boy between them—their son—as he moved beneath his mother's skin, perhaps looking for a more comfortable position, or perhaps protesting the dance. Odo felt the peace that practically emanated out from baby and mother alike. He felt it seeping into him. He felt himself absorbing it.
"Peace," he said, his voice low, practically overcome with the emotion.
"You'll find your peace," Lwaxana assured him, softly, holding onto him as tightly as he held onto her. "You're a good man—Changeling? Oh—I'm sorry, Odo. I'm quite clumsy with words, sometimes, especially when I don't want to be."
"I don't mind, either way," Odo said. "Everything you've ever called me has been done so with affection, Lwaxana, and I have enjoyed hearing all of it."
She laughed quietly, as though she didn't believe him, but was flattered nonetheless.
"What is your favorite thing that I've called you?" She asked.
"Odo, perhaps," Odo admitted.
She laughed again, and he felt her rubbing her face against him, snuggling into him as they danced. He had a nearly overwhelming desire to change his shape—to soften his form and, in doing so, to allow her to be closer to him. Suddenly, he had a desire that was stronger than most of the desires he'd ever felt—a desire to hold Lwaxana in the most absolute meaning of the word. He wanted to be as close to her as possible. He ached for her.
"That's your name," Lwaxana said with the soft laugh. "Odo," she said, breathing it out. Her voice was soft, and the way she said his name was musical. It made his entire being quiver involuntarily.
"And, yet, nobody has ever said it in a way that made me pleased that it was mine," Odo said. "Until you, that is."
"You're so romantic, Odo," Lwaxana said, sounding happy and, perhaps, a little sleepy. "That's why I know that she'll change her mind. She will. You're a good man, and you deserve everything, Odo, that you could ever want. Everything you could ever dream of—you deserve it all."
"Lwaxana…" Odo started, again, as the dance ended.
She smiled at him and raised her eyebrows as she pulled away from him, still holding onto him with her hands.
"Why don't you ask her to dance?" Lwaxana said.
Odo shook his head at her.
"I should be dancing with my wife," Odo said.
"It's your party," Lwaxana said. "She won't turn you down, and I can sit this one out. I'm tired, after all, and I'd like a chance to sample some of the snacks that Quark has put out for the guests. You should ask her to dance, Odo. Take advantage of the opportunity. You never know what might come of it. The atmosphere is very conducive to love and romance, after all."
"I would rather dance with you. I would rather have the love and the romance with you."
That was what Odo thought, but he didn't bring himself to say it. Before he knew what was happening, and before he could even fully process it, Lwaxana, herself, had asked Major Kira to dance with him. She had agreed, just as Lwaxana had said she would, and her happiness was practically palpable. Odo rarely saw her smile with the amount of enthusiasm that she was showing at the moment.
"Odo—I'm just so happy for you," Kira said, sincerely. "Lwaxana is…"
She paused, clearly looking for the word she wanted.
"She is wonderful," Odo supplied. "Quite unlike any other being in all the four quadrants."
Kira laughed, genuinely pleased by Odo's response.
"She is wonderful," Kira agreed. "And I'm so happy for you that you've found her—that you've found each other."
"I am, too," Odo said.
He realized, holding Kira in nearly the same way as he had Lwaxana, for a dance that Lwaxana had arranged, that he didn't love Kira. He may have once loved her, and he may have believed that nothing in the entire universe could make him as happy as he would feel if he were ever able to finally call Kira his own, but now he knew that he was wrong.
Kira had never loved him—not entirely, and not for everything he was—and she would never love him. Even if she were to love him, now, he knew that his heart wasn't open for such a thing. His heart, now, wanted nothing more than Lwaxana Troi, and he wanted her in ways that he realized he had never wanted Kira. He wanted Lwaxana in ways that he had never wanted anyone—ways that he hadn't known, until today, were even possible for his species.
Kira had been a dream—an imaginary means to an end. Through her, he'd imagined, he would find everything that seemed to make everyone else happy. He would know a happiness that others told him would be his greatest dream.
Now, he knew that happiness, and he knew exactly where to find it.
Unfortunately, he felt somewhat desperate, because each passing moment felt like it physically moved him one step closer to losing that happiness. He didn't know to stop it, or what he might say to convince Lwaxana that he was sincere, but he knew that he had to try something. To lose her would be unbearable and, somehow, to lose her because he failed to fight for her would be even worse.
Odo felt willing to fight the whole universe to keep Lwaxana, and to protect her and the life that they could build together. The least he could do was fight his own foolish pride.
"I'm sorry, Major," Odo said sincerely.
"Nerys, please," Kira interrupted.
"I'm sorry, Nerys," Odo corrected, planning what he would say next as he went along. "But—I don't want to dance with you. What I mean is—I would quite prefer to dance with my wife."
Instead of appearing at all offended, Kira smiled.
"Of course, you would," she said. "You absolutely should. Enjoy your evening, Odo…and congratulations!"
"Thank you," Odo said sincerely, letting go of her and, as he did so, truly letting go of silly fantasy that he'd once had.
Odo found Lwaxana sitting among people he doubted she even knew, eating from a plate of finger foods while she watched everything happening around her and still, somehow, managed to be at least half involved in the conversations taking place at the table.
"Oh—Odo—the song isn't over," she said, smiling at him and still obviously a little surprised to see him.
"Lwaxana—we need a moment, alone, to talk," Odo said.
"Odo—we're at our reception," Lwaxana said. "Everyone here has come to see us. To see you, Odo, and to wish us well."
"That is precisely why we need to talk," Odo said. "Alone. Lwaxana—please."
"There you are!" Quark said, coming up to them with all the loud enthusiasm that he'd been using since the wedding. "The cake is ready! Commander Sisko provided enough cake for everyone, and he tells me it's customary for you to be the first to cut it, and to feed each other as some sort of declaration of your intention to care for each other in your marriage, before we can begin to hand cake out to the guests…"
"Not now, Quark," Odo said.
"Odo!" Lwaxana scolded. "It's Terran tradition, and it's a lovely tradition. Besides—Commander Sisko and Quark have both been quite generous, and we don't want to refuse their generosity—especially not when it's so uncustomary from a Ferengi."
Odo felt his whole body tense up. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to leave the party with Lwaxana. He wanted to talk to her, alone, and he wanted to tell her how he felt. He wanted her to tell him that it was all a misunderstanding, and that she was happy that he did love her as much as he did. He wanted her to say that he could have this—all of this—and that he could have this for as long as both of them might live.
He didn't want the party to end—not if the end of the party meant the end of their marriage.
"The lady knows best," Quark said. "And the guests are beginning to circle like vultures. I'll go and get a knife."
Lwaxana visibly softened when Quark walked off.
"Please, Odo? I think the cake sounds like a lovely tradition. Unless…it's too much to ask?"
She smiled at him, softly, and the ache that he'd felt since this all began—since she'd said to him, when they were alone before, that she would tell everyone that the marriage wasn't real as soon as the party was over—returned with a vengeance.
"I do not eat," Odo said. "But—I would like to take part in this tradition, by feeding you, if you will accept."
She wrapped her arms around him, again, and hugged him affectionately.
"Oh—Odo. Thank you for making this a truly wonderful day, even if it's only pretend," she said. "Come on, let's go and have some cake. I promise—soon, you'll be free. Just a little longer?"
Odo wanted to admit that what he feared most of all was just that—that it would all be over soon, but he didn't. Instead, he followed her to where Quark waited with a large cake that was meant to feed everyone there. He stood with Lwaxana and accepted the knife that was offered to him. He heard Sisko's explanation of the cake and the traditional cutting of the cake and feeding each other, for everyone that was present and possibly unfamiliar with Terran marital customs.
He realized, then, that he was meant to give something of a speech. He wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't sure that he could bring himself to say anything at all.
Lwaxana gently took the knife from his hand. She smiled at him, and she winked at him quickly. She understood that he didn't know what to say—that he was struggling to say anything—even if she didn't fully understand why.
"I am sure that, in Terran custom, it's traditional for the groom to speak first," Lwaxana said. "Betazed, as you know, is a matriarchal society. I am imposing my own practices, then, on this custom and speaking first. Odo—Husband—I know that you…don't eat. Not in the same way as most of the beings gathered here, today. Yet—if I could provide you with all the things that you need, I would."
Odo caught her wrist, avoiding the blade of the knife entirely. She stilled, looking at him expectantly. A part of him felt nervous about the gathering of people around them, but he understood that they didn't matter. Their judgement—none of it mattered. All that mattered to Odo was Lwaxana. He took the knife from her hand and placed it on the table. He took both of her hands in his. He focused on her, and her alone. He gazed into the black eyes of hers that he had come to love—he let himself get lost in them and in all that he felt emanating out from them.
"Lwaxana," he said, as sincerely as he could, "I do not eat as others eat, as you have said. For much of my life, I did not understand exactly what I did. I could not understand myself. Sometimes, I still cannot understand myself entirely. People would ask me from where I drew energy. All I knew was—from my surroundings. That energy, though, was not always reliable or consistent. Sometimes, I have found myself feeling entirely without it. Hollow—empty—drained. Those were all feelings that I could relate to. Until I met you, that is. Since you have come into my life, and since you have been close to me, I have felt—sustained and sated in a way that I never have before. You are the light in my life, Lwaxana. You are a source of life, for me, unlike anything I've ever experienced. If I have ever led you to feel unwanted, unappreciated, or unloved—please, forgive me. You are my light, Lwaxana, and my love. And with you—I don't need anything else. But—I'm afraid that I do very much need you, Beloved. I want you in my life, for always, and I will do anything that you need to make you happy to be there."
She looked at him, her eyes glittering with tears.
"Odo…I…"
"I mean that, Lwaxana," Odo said, quickly. He heard his voice shake with the desperation that she hear him—truly hear him. "Before you doubt me or believe, for even a moment, that it's all for show. It is my truth. For everyone here to hear. For everyone to witness. I love this woman, and I do want her to be my beloved wife—for now, and for always. Please—Lwaxana—say that you will never leave my side, and you will make me the happiest being there ever was."
Lwaxana searched his eyes with her own. He thought he could feel her, reaching out to him with her mind, still unable to fully connect with him, but wanting that connection. He wanted it, too.
"Do you really mean that, Odo?" She asked.
"I have never meant anything more, Beloved," he offered. He saw, in her eyes, the moment that she truly believed him, and his whole being quivered with the happiness of being heard and understood. "I love you, Lwaxana Troi."
"I love you, Odo," she said. "Husband—my beloved husband."
The last part came out with a touch of lingering question, and Odo gathered his courage—still feeling a bit unnerved because he knew that they had a silent audience that was watching everything intently—and he leaned to kiss her. She returned his kiss wholeheartedly.
When the kiss broke, the only thing he could do was pull her close to him and hold her. She squeezed him back—all question gone, it seemed.
And Sisko, himself, came to cut a piece of the cake and place it on a plate in front of Odo.
"Perhaps you should—feed your wife," Sisko said, in a voice much gentler than the one he normally used, as though he was afraid to break the sanctity of the moment before it was time. Everyone else remained uncharacteristically silent for such a large crowd. "As a symbol of your promise to always provide for her and care for her."
Odo nodded at Sisko—the only thanks that he could give him—and picked up the piece of cake.
Lwaxana looked at him with damp eyes and pink cheeks.
"I can never give you enough in exchange for all that you give to me," Odo said. "I can never make you understand how you have…changed my life. But, if you will allow me, Lwaxana, I will spend the rest of our lives, together, trying to give you all that I can. Please—take this as a symbol of my dedication to that endeavor."
She opened her mouth, and accepted the bite of cake that Odo placed on her tongue. He watched her eat it. He ached for her, but this time, the ache was different than it had been before. He loved her, and he wanted her in ways yet unexplored by him—ways he had others speak about, but hadn't felt for himself until now.
Everyone applauded them, and slowly the noise rose again, as people offered congratulations once more and went back to their conversations and merry-making.
"I'm quite tired, Husband," Lwaxana said, sincerely, as she finished the small piece of cake, allowing Odo to feed every bite of it to her, whether such an act was customary or not. "Do you think—we could leave soon?"
"When this party began," Odo said, "I didn't want it to ever end. I have been afraid, all evening, of the moment when you said it was time to go. I have been aware that, when the party's over, you would tell everyone what you believed to be true—what was not true. I have meant every word that I've said to you…"
"And I have meant everything I've said to you," Lwaxana said. "But—are you sure, Odo? I don't want you to come to resent me, because I've kept you from having who you truly loved."
"You are all that I love," Odo said. He pressed his hand to her belly. "Well…you…and…"
She placed her hand over his.
"I understand," she said. "In that case, Husband, let's leave together. We can go back to your quarters, Odo, if that's what you'd like, as husband and wife."
"Our quarters," Odo said.
"Our quarters," Lwaxana amended.
"The party isn't over," Odo said.
She smiled at him.
"If the party, as you've said it does, signifies our marriage, and our happiness together, then…I hope the party will never be over, Odo," Lwaxana said. "It's only just beginning. If you want to stay, however…"
"No," Odo said. "No—I prefer to spend the rest of the party with you, Lwaxana. Forever."
She smiled broadly at him and slipped her arm through his, tugging him toward the door. Nobody— occupied with food, drinks, and conversation as everyone was— seemed to see them go. If they had, they would have seen the happiest couple, Odo was sure, that had ever existed. They would have seen true happiness, love, and peace.
Walking with Lwaxana, back to the quarters they would somehow make a home, Odo felt very different than he had when they'd walked the promenade earlier and he'd feared that she would never touch him this way again. Now, he could rest easy in the warm knowledge that this was his life—and what a wonderful life it would be.
He quivered at the thought of it—his body's reaction, he knew now, to more happiness than he could hardly contain within him.
"Are you alright, Husband?" Lwaxana asked affectionately, the sensation likely reaching her.
"I am perfect, Wife," Odo assured her. "I've found my peace. That's all. Just like you promised."