This is the longest chapter yet. I debated cutting it up, but figured it was best all at once. Hope you guys don't mind!
A few prompts are in this chapter. One was from Roses_of_Magic who wanted to see Derek and Jackson talk about what happened. The other was a few people who really wanted to see a playdate.
Jackson lingers in the hospital parking lot as he fiddles with the strings of his hoodie. Or more accurately, Mark's hoodie. He's stolen it a lot lately. Mark got him his own but it's still a little stiff. Mark's is old, faded and worn. It's comfortable. And maybe it sort of smells like him, which is comforting when Jackson is alone. Not that he'd ever say that last part. It makes him sound like a puppy. Or maybe even a baby. One time Alex told him about how parents of little ones in the NICU leave things with their scent behind so the baby can still bond with them, even if they can't hold them yet.
Jackson isn't a newborn looking to connect with his parent. He's a 30-year-old man who just so happens to like to wear his caregiver's hoodie. That's it.
He doesn't have to look far to find the Shepherd-Grey family. Alex has the car pulled around and is leaning against the driver's side door, trying to hide the keys. From afar, Jackson can hear Derek telling him that he's not driving home. Alex pouts and rolls his eyes. Meredith watches on with an amused smile, not helping one bit.
Mark squeezes Jackson's shoulder. "You can do this, bud."
Jackson frowns. "They look a little busy…"
"Jackson."
He sighs and pulls away from Mark. Averys aren't good at apologizing. They don't really need to. Their name is enough. Jackson always hated that. It meant his mother and grandfather felt they never had to apologize for much themselves. He doesn't want to be like them. So, he walks closer to the family.
Alex notices him first. His pout turns into a glare as he folds his arms over his chest. Great. Somehow he's found out.
"What do you want?" Alex asks. He's got that voice back. The one Jackson heard before Meredith and Derek obtained guardianship. It's rarely heard anymore.
"Alexander," Meredith warns, giving him a look.
"No, no, it's fine," Jackson says, trying to hold back his stutter.
Meredith is giving him a sympathetic look. Derek, to his credit, doesn't seem mad anymore. He puts a hand on Alex's shoulder but doesn't tell him to knock it off like his wife did. There's still the air of tension and weariness radiating off the chief of surgery.
Jackson really hadn't expected an audience for this apology. He kept hoping to catch Derek in his office. Alas, a surgery came up. It was good as it left Jackson time to come up with the best way to word it. Yet, it also let the anxiety build up.
He clears his throat and turns to Meredith first. She's the easier one. "I'm sorry you had to see me like that today. I truly wasn't myself. And I'm sorry you had to put off your day to babysit me because I pissed off your husband."
Meredith nods, a small smile on her face. "It's alright, Jackson."
"No, it's not. I'm going to make sure you don't see that side of me anymore." He glances at Alex and Derek. "Any of you."
Meredith squeezes his arm. "I forgive you.
Jackson turns his direction solely to Derek. He decides to speak fast. It's the only way he's going to get this out.
"I'm sorry. I know that's kind of lame, because you deserve so much more than that. You took the time out of your day to watch me today and I was a jackass." Derek nods, folding his arms over his chest. "You were really nice. And you bought me lunch. Yet, all I could think about was myself and what I wanted. Which was ungrateful and selfish. I shouldn't have pestered you about going back to work. I shouldn't have taken off like that. I'm really sorry I scared you."
Jackson takes a deep breath, finding his second wind. He can feel Mark watching him from afar. Much to his surprise, he doesn't try to come over and help. Originally, he had wanted to stand with Jackson, but the younger plastic surgeon refused. This was his mess. He wasn't going to hide behind his caregiver like a 5-year-old.
"I'm also sorry I gave you such a hard time after you found me. I shouldn't have spoken to you that way. No one deserves to be, but especially not you after all you've done for me. I was an ungrateful jerk." Derek's face softens a little. Jackson bites his lips. "I know you told Mark you wouldn't extend my leave, but if you want to, I understand."
Derek finally speaks up. "You do?"
"Yes. If any other attending had spoken to you the way I did today, there'd be consequences. Whether it be a write-up or suspension. Maybe even get fired."
"I'm not going to fire you, Jackson."
"I know." Even though, it was in the back of his mind. "But that being said, I'll take whatever punishment you want to give me. I promise I won't try to get back into the OR until you…" He glances over at Meredith. "Or you think I'm ready. So, whatever it is, you want to do, lay it on me. I can handle it."
Derek stares him down for a moment. Jackson focuses on him. He can't handle more of Meredith's proud smile, like he's 6 and owning up to breaking a vase. Nor does he want to see Alex's death glare. He focuses solely on the chief and bites his lip. Outside believing he won't truly be fired, he tries to prepare himself for whatever comes next. For a moment, Derek's face is unreadable. It takes a good few minutes for him to respond.
"I think you've been punished enough," Derek says.
Jackson frowns. "Really? A timeout and…" He trails off, not about to admit in front of Alex that he got spanked. "A talking to from Mark is all it takes?"
"No. It's because I know your character, Jackson. Today wasn't the man I know. However, this, owning up to your mistakes definitely is. The fact that you are willing to apologize and take full accountability, without passing the buck at all, shows me that you are growing. As a surgeon and as a person."
Jackson's cheeks heat up from the praise. Finally, a small smile forms on Derek's face.
"You're forgiven."
"Thank you, Dr. Shepherd."
"It's Derek," he's gently yet firmly reminded. "Just know that in the future, I cannot be this lenient."
"I know, I know. I promise you, I won't put you in this position again."
"I believe you won't."
Jackson holds out his hand. Derek shakes his head and pulls him in for a hug instead. Jackson lets out a soft "oh", but returns it. When he pulls off, Dereks' real, signature smile has returned. Jackson manages to match it.
"Thank you," he whispers.
"Thank you for owning up to it."
Jackson turns to Alex. Some of his bravado has melted, but he's still glaring.
"Are we good?" Jackson asks.
Alex shrugs. "Dunno."
"Alexander." Derek shoots him a look. "It's over, we're past all this. Be nice to Jackson."
Alex scoffs. "Wow, so he's a prick and I'm the one getting scolded."
"He apologized. We all make mistakes. How would you like it if people held your past against you forever?"
That, combined with Meredith rubbing his back, is enough to get Alex's face to shift. Jackson can't really blame him. If someone had treated Mark the way he had Derek, he doubts he'd be any different.
"Yeah," Alex mumbles, raising his fist. "We're fine."
Jackson gives him a small fist bump. "Thanks," he whispers. He clears his throat and looks back at the other doctors. "I'll let you guys go now. Maybe let Alex drive, he's not bad at it." Alex grins.
Derek rolls his eyes. "Ya know, maybe I do need to extend your leave."
"On second thought, I'm going now."
Jackson walks back over to his caregiver, listening to the family debate over who's driving home. Mark is smiling wide. Jackson ducks his head.
"Stop it," he mumbles.
"I'm so proud of you."
"I apologized. It's not like I found the cure to cancer."
"Still, I'm very proud of my boy." Mark wraps an arm around him and squeezes him close. Jackson hides a smile. "Let's get you home."
"Can I drive?"
"Nope."
"But you just said you were proud of me," Jackson all but whines.
"And I am. So, you'll get ice cream after dinner. There's no way you're driving my baby."
Jackson pokes out his tongue but allows Mark to keep an arm around him as they walk to the Jag.
The big return to work isn't what Jackson expected. Then again, he isn't sure what he thought would happen. It's weird to be back in the scrubs at first. Then, about 10 minutes into his first day back, there's a 5-car pileup on the highway and he's in and out of surgery all day. Barely any time to stop to eat or nap. He drops not long after they get home and Mark tucks him into bed early.
The next few weeks are fine. Everything almost seems normal. The only difference is everyone knows about Mark being his caregiver. Before, it wasn't a secret, but still relatively on a "need to know" basis. Considering Jackson spent multiple days in the hospital with Mark fussing over him, there's no going back now. People treat him the same to his face. No one dares to undermine him or mock him.
Yet, he's seen more than one nurse go to Mark to whisper if they're concerned or even report what a good job he's doing. Before Mark could even set them straight, Bailey did in the way only Bailey knows how: a very public speech. Jackson wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Suddenly, he understood the mix of pride and shame Mark felt from her "he's a whore" speech.
"Dr. Avery is a surgeon. A damn good one. Unless you are personally hired by Dr. Sloan to babysit him or Dr. Avery seems like he is going to drop, leave them alone. Let them do their jobs and get back to yours. This is a hospital, not a nannying service."
It worked, though, for the most part. He still feels the looks he gets every so often, but at the very least, it's not as bad as it was before.
2 months pass, ringing in on half a year that Jackson has spent under Mark Sloan's care. He's officially given up his old apartment. Most of the furniture is sold with just a few pieces going into storage. It's still something he debates on being the right choice. There's a couple of months left before they need to make a decision on guardianship becoming permanent. Anything could happen. It's also not as if Jackson couldn't afford to pay half the rent at Mark's place on top of the bills at his apartment. He could've sublet it.
Yet, he feels comfortable. Safe and secure, even. Mark has told him about a million times that this is his home. Jackson has realized he doesn't want to go anywhere.
So, he lets go of his apartment. He sells the furniture. In the back of his mind, he knows that he can always get a new place and buy new stuff. It's a thought he doesn't give a whole lot of time towards. He doesn't want to have to do any of that. Maybe Mark will change his mind. Or, maybe for once, Jackson can be happy.
He's at the apartment gym when he gets a call from his mother. Catherine visited not long after Jackson returned to work but it was very short lived. They got dinner twice. She watched him perform a surgery. Then she was off to some business for the foundation. She barely even spoke to Mark given how busy she was. Jackson dropped not long after she left and didn't come out of that fog for 4 days, his longest stretch yet since the appendectomy. Since then, they've maintained their usual contact. She calls once a week and very occasionally, they Skype.
Given she already called on Monday and it's only Wednesday, Jackson feels anxiety as he steps off the treadmill and steps to the side. Luckily, the gym is empty.
"Mom?"
"Hey, baby." There's the sound of traffic in the background. "Did I catch you at a bad time?"
"No." Jackson catches his breath a little. He wipes the sweat from his forehead with a towel and takes a swig of water. "Just working out."
"I won't keep you long then. I'm coming back out to Seattle in a couple of weeks."
"So soon?"
"Hm?"
"I mean, it's just that I usually only see you a couple of times a year. Feels like you were just here. Not that I'm complaining or anything."
"Of course not." Jackson flinches a bit under her tone. She knows him a little too well. At least when lying is concerned. "Your grandfather is also coming to town."
Jackson backs up against the wall and shuts his eyes. He hasn't seen Harper in over a year. Originally, his grandfather planned on flying out to take him to dinner after he passed his boards. Then, he got called into a very important conference in London and ended up staying there for a few months. Jackson thought he'd get lucky until Thanksgiving at the very least.
"Why?"
"There are some board meetings that'll take place not far from the hospital. Your grandfather wants you sit in on them."
"And that's because?"
"You know exactly why, Jackson. Let's not be foolish."
Jackson bites down so hard onto his lip, he draws blood. This is an argument he's had with both his mother and his grandfather several times.
"I thought the last we talked about this," Jackson says, trying to keep his voice even. "We all agreed we'd table discussions of me joining the foundation until I was 40. I want to focus on surgery for now."
"Yes, I know. Trust me, Jackson, this isn't my choosing."
Catherine Fox is a highly respected and somewhat feared woman. She can dominate any room. And still, somehow, she always makes herself smaller in the presence of her former father-in-law. Jackson wishes he could pretend he didn't know why, but he's grown quite a bit. The fact is, no matter how big of a presence Catherine Fox is, paired with all the good she's done for medicine, there is no competition between a black doctor-a woman at that-competing against her older, white male counterpart. No matter how far society has come, so long as Harper Avery is alive, Catherine will never reach her full potential in the foundation.
"I know," Jackson concedes. "I do. But Mom, I really don't want to do this."
"Look, Jackson, we'll remind him of our talk, okay? We can convince him to stick to the plan. The only way we can do that is remaining on his good side. So, you'll take a couple of meetings. We'll have a dinner where we schmooze him and it's done. We won't have to have this conversation again."
"Of course we will. In 5 years."
"Your grandfather is a very old man. Perhaps we'll get lucky."
Jackson snorts, doing all he can not to fully laugh. "Mom!"
"Well!"
Jackson swears he can hear his mom laughing too. He smiles. His mom truly isn't always so bad. He knows deep down that she loves him. There are times she's no more of a fan of Harper than he is. Not all of his childhood was horrible. It's why he feels bad when he does find himself angry with her. She was a single mom trying to keep up a prestigious career. How is it fair for him to blame her for wanting him to be all he could?
The pang of guilt flashes against his stomach as his smile fades. If not for her, he'd tell his grandfather to buzz off. He owes Catherine more than that.
"Alright, Mom," Jackson says. "Just send me the dates and we can sort it out."
"Thank you, baby. I'm almost at the office, so I have to go. I love you. Kisses."
"Love you too, Mom."
Jackson hangs up the phone and heads back to the apartment. He's not even halfway through the door when Mark looks up from his game. It's pre-season but he's watched every single one.
"Hey, I thought you were going to be down there an hour."
Jackson shrugs as he kicks off his shoes. "I was. Then my mom called."
Mark presses pause on the TV. He arches a protective brow. "Are you alright? What'd she say?"
"Nothing that was her fault. She and my grandfather are coming to town on foundation business. They, or more specifically my grandfather, wants me to sit in on a few meetings."
"Why?"
"Because, and I know you hate this phrase, I'm an Avery. It's my birthright."
"You said your grandfather was fine with you tabling talk of joining for another 10 years."
"He is. But every so often I have to make him think I'm serious about all this."
Mark sighs, shaking his head. He pats the seat beside him.
"I'm all sweaty," Jackson says.
"Not by that much. You were only down there a half hour."
"Still. I should shower."
"Then come back out here."
"Mark." Jackson sighs. "I really don't want to talk about this."
"And no one says you have to. What you do have to do is come sit with me, watch this game and get a hug. Got it?"
Jackson holds back a smile. Only Mark can make love sound like a threat.
"Got it," he mumbles.
The shower is quick and before he knows it, Jackson is in his stolen hoodie and some jogging shorts. He curls up against his caregiver on the couch. The game is back on. Mark wraps an arm around him. Jackson drops his head onto his chest and curls up legs underneath him. His thumb slowly starts to enter his mouth, but Mark is quick to put in a pacifier. Jackson doesn't know where it came from, but he doesn't put up much of a fuss. Instead, he keeps his arms wrapped around Mark's torso as he watches the game.
There are no expectations. Jackson doesn't have to talk. He doesn't have to worry about being an Avery. All he has to do is snuggle up with Mark, suck his pacifier and watch pre-season football.
"Welcome!" Meredith says as she leads Jackson and Mark through the doorway. "Alex is playing in the living room. Jackson, you can join him."
Mark hides a smile as Jackson clings to his hand. The younger man buries his head in his shoulder. This wasn't the plan for the day. They spent a good chunk of the morning at the park. Afterwards, they went to the movies. The two were on their way to dinner when Meredith called.
With Derek out of town for a conference, the Shepherd-Grey family had worked out a schedule. If Alex dropped, he'd go to daycare. If Meredith's shift ran late, Mark or Owen would take turns looking after him. For Meredith's rare overnight, Owen was supposed to take Alex to his place to have a sleepover with April. No one could've foreseen the little girl coming down with strep throat. With Cristina and Lexi also working, Meredith called the only other person she trusted with her son. As the Avery-Sloan apartment was too small for a sleepover, Mark agreed to come to them.
Since moving in, Jackson hasn't slept anywhere that's not Mark's or the hospital. Even with his caregiver in tow, he doesn't do well with change. Mark's packed a large bag to hopefully make it easier.
"Hey, Ducky," Mark strokes the back of his neck. "Can you let me talk to Meredith for a little bit?" Jackson shakes his head. "C'mon, please? Why don't we see what Alex is up to?"
"I just opened up a brand-new LEGO kit," Meredith coaxes. "I'm sure he could use some help."
That's enough to get Jackson at least partially interested. Mark and Meredith lead him into the living room. Alex looks up from his creation and grins.
"Uncle Mark!" He jumps up and races over, hugging him tightly on the side that Jackson isn't on.
Mark grins and kisses the top of his head. "Hey, buddy."
"Are you really gonna stay with me tonight?"
"Sure am. Jackson is too."
Alex nods excitedly. He pulls on Jackson's arm. "C'mon. Help me." Jackson whines, clinging tighter to his caregiver.
Mark gently kisses the top of Jackson's head. "Ducky," he whispers. "It's just like a playdate, hm? And I'll be here the entire time."
"Promise?" Jackson mumbles into his shoulder.
"I promise. Now, go on. I think Alex really wants to play with you."
Jackson hesitates but soon follows his friend over to the table where a Harry Potter castle is currently being built. Mark watches to make sure Jackson is actually playing before stepping out of the room. They head into the kitchen where Mark settles the takeout bags on the counter and puts the backpacks on the floor.
"I got some stuff for Alex too," Mark says.
"You didn't have to do that. We have food here."
"I know, but I had already promised Jackson we'd get Chinese, so it all works out."
"Well, I appreciate it. Alex already had his bath and is in pajamas, but feel free to give Jackson one. Or use anything, really," Meredith says. "I've left the instructions for bedtime in the nursery but really, there's not a whole lot to it. He likes 2 bedtime stories. May try to con you into 5 but only Derek falls for that."
Mark grins. "Of course he does."
"No sugar after 7. Bedtime is 8:30, but it's okay if it's a little later tonight as I know the boys may have a little fun."
"That's Jackson's bedtime too. It'll be fine."
"Bottles are in the fridge and ready to be warmed up," Meredith says, ticking off her fingers as she speaks. "He needs his teddy bear to sleep, but he's got it with him now. Pacifiers, diapers, all that are in his room. As I said, please feel free to use whatever for Jackson."
"He has his own supplies, but thank you."
"Oh!" Mark jumps, a little caught off guard by the sudden change in voice. "Usually Alex sleeps in a crib, but I put out some sleeping bags that I used the last time he and April had a sleepover. If Jackson wants to sleep in the guest room with you, he's more than welcome. Just figured I'd offer."
Mark grins at the idea of the sleeping bags. He and Derek practically lived in them when they were kids. The rest of his sisters had to share rooms, but as the only boy, Derek got his own. They'd camp out in there for hours. He's sure Carolyn has a picture of it. Maybe he could convince Jackson, somehow, to sleep in one.
"I don't think he will, but if he gets into an older headspace, please stay anyway. Just in case."
Mark nods. "Of course."
"Great, then, uh. I guess that's it. Thank you so much for doing this."
"It's no problem." He smirks. "Go have fun."
"Oh, yes, the joys of overnights."
Mark follows her back into the living room. The boys are now completely wrapped up in their castle. It's still sort of weird for Mark to see Alex this way. The once sarcastic, little jerk of a resident who rivaled perhaps Mark's body count, now sits in a pair of dinosaur footie pajamas with a pacifier clipped to it. He's still got that sass and sarcasm to him, but he's actually pleasant to be around. Meredith and Derek had quite the impact on the boy.
"Alright, sweetheart," Meredith says, walking over to the boys and kneeling down beside Alex. She runs her fingers through his curls to get his attention when he doesn't look up. "I'm going to head out now. Uncle Mark will stay with you all night. I should be back by the time you wake up. The four of us will have breakfast."
"What about Daddy?" Alex asks, his eyes widening a little.
"Daddy won't be home until tomorrow afternoon." Alex pouts. "I know, I know. But, we'll have so much fun at the park, alright?"
"Jackson come to the park too?"
"If his da…if his Mark says it's okay." Mark frowns off the small correction. Jackson gets a look about him but quickly goes back to the castle. "Can I have a kiss goodbye?"
Alex hugs and kisses Meredith. The two mutter how much they love and will miss one another. Jackson keeps his eyes focused directly on the LEGOs. He only looks up in surprise when Meredith kisses his cheek.
"Bye, Jack Jack. Thanks for coming over to play with Alex. I appreciate you being my big helper."
Jackson smiles a little. "It's okay."
"Good. I told your Mark this already but I've set up sleeping bags in Alex's room. When April slept over last time, they used them. So, if you want, the two of you can too."
Much to Mark's relief, Jackson's eyes light up when he hears about that and he nods. Meredith gives each of the boys one last kiss before walking over to Mark.
"Thank you, again."
"If you thank me one more time, I'll go."
"Yeah right." Meredith rolls her eyes but still kisses his cheek. "Again, call me if you need anything. I'm going to slip out fast before Alex gets upset."
"The whole lingering thing, right." Mark still hasn't gotten better about that at daycare.
"We'll keep working on it," Meredith says, as if she can read his mind.
Mark mimics her under his breath and waves her off. She rolls her eyes again before leaving. He turns his attention back to the boys. They're playing nicely together and chatting about the LEGOs. Mark smiles a little before going back into the kitchen to set up the food.
It takes a bit of cajoling to get both boys to stop playing and eat. They let out in-synch whines and stomp their feet. But their pouts disappear when they see the food in front of them. Jackson jumps into his chair and instantly takes a swig of the fruit punch in his sippy cup. Alex is quick to do the same. Mark tends to the peds surgeon first, tying the bib around his neck and putting the food in front of him. Jackson narrows his eyes, only to calm down when Mark gets him his bib and food.
"Slow down, Alex," Mark gently reminds him as he settles with his own plate.
"I'm hungryyy," Alex drags out. "Haven't eaten in forever."
"Forever, huh? So those cookies your mommy told me about didn't exist?"
"Cookies aren't food food."
"You sound like your dad," Mark mutters.
He remembers the weeks in premed he lived off sugary cereal and beer. Derek got on his ass for that every day.
"I'm eating normal, Mark," Jackson says with a big smile.
"Yes, you are. Thank you, Ducky."
"I wanna watch a movie," Alex says.
"Sure, we can do that. After you eat."
"But…"
"We can only have fun with fuel in our bodies."
Okay, now he's starting to sound like Derek.
Alex giggles and goes back to his food, pacified for the moment. Jackson is quiet through the meal. He focuses on his orange chicken. There's some aggressive sips of his juice whenever Alex talks to Mark. The older plastic surgeon tries to make sure he's dividing attention between both, but Jackson isn't engaging as much.
At the very least, he seems happier once he's eaten and agrees to go back to the Hogwarts castle. Mark clears the dishes. After checking on the boys, he brings the bags upstairs. The guest room is on the left of Mark and Derek's room, with Alex's on the right. The nursery is down the hall. The house Derek built is in no doubt huge. Even Owen's just has a room for him, April's older space and then her nursery.
After putting his own bag in the guest room, he goes into the nursery. True to her word, Meredith set up two Hungry Caterpillar sleeping bags in the middle of the room. Identical to a T, indeed to prevent fights. The crib is decked out in dinosaur sheets and matches most of the nursery. There's a changing table with just about every supply one can imagine. There's a toybox in the corner, containing only some of Alex's toys. The rest are downstairs. A dresser and closet show off an abundance of Little space clothes.
Mark is not one for a house. He grew up in a penthouse in Manhattan. Post-med school, he moved into a Brownstone. An apartment seemed practical when he moved to Seattle. Jackson, who grew up in Boston, says he prefers apartments. A house is just too much space. So, Mark hasn't considered buying one.
It doesn't change that he's looked at apartments. The largest they go in his current building are 2 bedrooms. There's a building just a couple of blocks away that go up to 4. Mark doesn't need that many. Just 3, so Jackson could have a nursery like this one. He doesn't seem to mind having an adult bedroom when he slips. Mark minds, though. Jackson spent so long neglecting his space. He deserves everything.
The lease on his place is up in a few months. His landlord keeps hounding him about his plans. There's a long waitlist for the building. If he doesn't want it, it'll fill quick.
Mark doesn't want to live there anymore. He wants to get the 3 bedroom. It's just a matter of whether or not Jackson does. With all the changes combined with Harper's upcoming visit, Mark doesn't want to overwhelm him with one more. He'll ask after Jackson's biological family leaves.
That, paired with the elephant shaped like permanent guardianship in the room.
Mark shakes it off and settles the bag in the corner of the room, grabbing Ranger and Hank. He settles the appendix pillow by the sleeping bag. There's no way he's bringing that ugly thing downstairs.
The castle is nowhere near done but the boys have moved on to sitting on the couch. Alex is trying to figure out the remote, but thankfully Derek and Meredith had the forethought to put on parental controls. Mark scoops up Alex's abandoned teddy bear and trades that for the remote.
"Stupid numbers," Alex says.
Jackson nods in agreement as Mark passes him his stuffies. "Pas'rds suck," he mumbles into Hanks' head.
"Don't say that word," Mark lightly chastises. Jackson sticks out his tongue. "Alright, smart ones. What do we want to watch?"
"Cars!" Alex exclaims. Jackson nods, the pout leaving his lips as he beams.
"Alright, Cars it is."
Mark finds the correct streaming service before sitting in the middle of the boys. Alex instantly cuddles into his side. Mark wraps one arm around him, the other around Jackson. To his surprise, his little one doesn't move to cuddle up against him. Instead, he squeezes Hank and Ranger tight. A few minutes into the movie, Mark realizes Jackson's slipped the pacifier attached to his t-shirt in his mouth.
This movie is definitely not Pixar's best. Between Jackson and the few times Derek's sisters trusted him to babysit their kids back in New York, he's seen quite a few. The boys seem to like it, though. Or at least, Alex does. Jackson is quiet outside the sucking noises made behind his pacifier.
They're halfway through the movie when Alex climbs up into Mark's lap. The caregiver makes sure to maneuver him on one knee, leaving room for the other little one should he want it. Not two minutes later, Jackson stands up.
"I have to go potty."
Mark frowns. Jackson insisted he felt big enough for a pull-up today, but he still doesn't usually go to the bathroom alone when he's like this. "Do you want me to go with you?"
"I'm not a baby!" Jackson snaps, stomping his foot. Alex looks up, frowning. "I can do it myself."
Mark takes a deep breath, trying to remain calm. "Do you know where it is?"
"Yes, I've been here before."
Jackson stomps out of the room, Ranger and Hank still in his arm. He heads in the right direction, so Mark lets him go. The man needs a breather. At least he's calming himself down rather than taking it out on Alex. They can talk about it during bathtime.
After 10 minutes, Jackson isn't back. Mark gently places Alex back on the couch.
"I'm going to check on Jack, alright?"
Alex breaks away from the TV. "Jack Attack okay?"
"He'll be fine. I think he may be having a little hard time sharing me right now."
Alex frowns. "Don't like sharing my daddy either."
Mark smiles, ruffling his hair. "Exactly."
"Sorry he has to share. You can go home."
Mark shakes his head, touching Alex's chin. "No, bud. No. This isn't your fault. You need someone to watch you and I want to be here. I think deep down, Jackson wants to be here too. He's just having a hard time. He's still new to this. You were too once, right?"
Alex nods. "Help?"
"The best way you can help me right now is stay put and watch the movie while I talk to him."
Alex nods and gives him a small smile before going back to the annoying talking tow truck. Mark double checks that he's actually watching the movie before heading down to the bathroom. The door opens easily, much to his relief. Jackson's gotten in the habit of locking doors when he doesn't want to talk. It got so bad that Mark got permission from the landlord to remove the locks off Jackson's room and ensuite. This is a sign that Jackson has either learned or is willing to talk. Either way, Mark accepts it.
The ferry boat shower curtain is pushed back, showing Jackson sitting in the tub. He's hugging Hank and Ranger tightly to his chest. That infamous pout is settled on his lips, pacifier hanging off the leash. Mark closes the door halfway behind him so he can still hear if Alex decides to tear apart the house. He crouches in front of the tub.
"I don't think we can take a tub in our clothes," he says with a playful smile. Jackson doesn't match it. "Did you use the potty?"
Jackson shakes his head. "Lied."
"You did, huh?" Mark leans against the tub so he can look at him better. "We're not supposed to do that."
Jackson shrugs. "Sorry."
"Not upset with you, Ducky. I'm just hoping you can be honest now. Tell me what's going on."
"Nothin'."
"Nothing?" Jackson nods. "So, you're sitting in an empty tub for fun?"
"Woulda yelled at Al'x if I stayed," Jackson mumbles. "Taking breath."
"Ah, well I am very proud of you for that." Mark strokes his cheek. "Wanna tell me why you wanted to yell at Alex?" Jackson shakes his head. "Alright. Then we can just sit here until you feel like it."
Mark climbs into the tub beside him. He's suddenly very thankful that Jackson didn't think to turn anything on in his time alone.
For the next few minutes, the only things that can be heard is the faint voiceover work of Larry the Cable Guy and Alex's laughter. Mark looks down at Jackson, who's staring at his duck and dog. Before, when asked what superpower he'd like most, he would've picked X-Ray vision. Now, he'd give anything for the ability to read minds.
"Alex already has a mommy and daddy," Jackson whispers.
Mark nods. "He does. But they're working right now. So, he can't be alone."
"I know."
"That doesn't make it easy, huh?"
Jackson shakes his head. "He…he already has a daddy!" His voice gets a bit higher. Mark frowns. "Now…he's sitting with you…and…and…" Jackson kicks the tub and whines.
"You don't like that?"
"No! Because he already has a daddy! He doesn't need mine!"
Mark's breathing halts. Suddenly, he can't make out Alex or the movie anymore. His eyes attention is firmly on Jackson. There are tears running down the little one's face.
"You're my daddy! Not his!"
Jackson throws his arms around his waist. Mark slowly wraps his own around him. His mind reels as the words play over in his head.
"You're my daddy!"
The tears pool in his own eyes but he tries to keep them at bay. This can't be about him. It's not. Jackson's upset right now.
Even if his heart has all but cracked open.
"I am," Mark whispers. His voice cracks against his consent. He rubs circles on the crying man's back. "I'm your daddy. You're my son."
The words rush over him. He hasn't referred to him as "daddy" since that night in the hospital. Jackson can't remember and he didn't want to force the issue. It had to come from him.
"That won't change just because I hold Alex."
Jackson sniffles. "I…I don' call you "daddy"," he mumbles into Mark's shoulder, which is already wet.
Mark shakes his head. "It's okay that you don't. You can call me whatever you'd like."
He draws back a deep breath and tips Jackson's chin up. Those adorable, green eyes are watery and wide. Mark gives him a small smile, a few tears falling down his own face.
"You can call me "Mark" or you can call me "Daddy", it won't change how I feel about you. I love you, Jackson. When I look at you, I see my son. My little boy. I need you to know that no matter what, I will always be your dad."
Jackson's pouty lip quivers. "Why?"
"Because I look at you and I know that's who my family is." Mark shrugs. "You're one of the few people I have ever let all the way in. I didn't think I'd ever really get to be a dad. But then I met you and realized you're the only boy I'd ever want to be my son. You're my kid. I love you, just the way you are."
Jackson sniffles. "Never had a dad…want you to be mine."
A few more tears fall down Mark's face. "Then that's what I'll be." He kisses Jackson's forehead. "I'm just your dad."
"I…I can call you that? Even when I'm not feeling small?"
"Yup. You're my boy, my son. Whether you're my big, brave surgeon or my little Jack Attack. Always."
Jackson rests his head back on his shoulder. Mark exhales as he rubs his back. His son's back.
He's a dad.
Then, he supposes he became one that hectic day in the ER. Lecturing Jackson over his sloppy stitches. Going from irritated to proud in a matter of hours. It's just now official.
In the guest bathroom of Derek Shepherd's house.
Of all the places he thought he'd hear "daddy" for the first time, he certainly didn't think it'd be a tub with shower curtains that have little ferryboats on it.
Suddenly, this may have become his favorite place on Earth.
They have to return to Alex eventually. This time, Mark is holding Jackson. Alex stays curled up on his side but Jackson remains on his lap. Once the movie is done, Alex is tasked with picking out stories while Mark gives his son a bath. Both men are quiet. Exhaustion creeps across Jackson's swollen eyes. Still, there's a smile on both of their faces.
Mark ends up reading 7 stories, much to Alex and Jackson's delight. They're both pretty much asleep after the last one, Chicka Chicka Boom Boom. Hardly what one would expect to lull one to sleep, but it worked on them.
Both boys cuddle up inside their sleeping bag with their plushies. Mark sends a quick picture to not just Meredith and Derek, but Carolyn too. Perhaps now is the best time to tell her she has another grandchild. Sort of slipped his mind to tell her sooner.
Mark bends down and kisses Alex's head. "Night, bud. Sweet dreams."
"Night night, Uncle Mark," Alex sleepily whispers into his teddy's head. "Love you."
He slips his pacifier in. "Love you too."
Mark turns to his son's sleeping bag. He kisses Ranger and Hank first, as per Jackson's preferences. Then, he focuses on Jackson and presses a big kiss to his forehead and taps the sleepy man's nose. Jackson's already got his pacifier in and his eyes are flickering close.
"Night, Ducky," he whispers. "I love you."
"Love Daddy," Jackson mumbles behind the nipple of his binky.
Mark quickly wipes at the tears in his eyes. He's never going to grow tired of that word.
He manages to exit the nursery before his phone rings. Mark quickly shuts the door and holds it to his hear. He can't even make out a hello before he hears his surrogate mother's voice.
"Mark Everett Sloan, I don't know who's in more trouble. You or my son for keeping this secret."
"Blame Derek. It's always his fault."
There's a slight chuckle and Mark can picture her shaking her head. "How did I know you'd say that?"
Mark shrugs. "Because you're the smartest Shepherd."
"Flattery will get you nowhere. You better explain yourself, young man. Tell me all about that boy."
"Well, to start his name is Jackson Avery. Though in a few month's time, I can see it becoming Jackson Sloan…"
To continue the lyric from the title "...the first time he called me dad". From the beautiful song "My Boy" by Elvie Shane. Which is constantly on my mind when writing this verse.
But the wait is over! Jackson said it! I really hope how it all went down was something you all enjoyed. I went back and forth on it. But when I got the prompt from Roses_of_Magic that Jackson would be jealous of Mark babysitting Alex, I knew it had to come out like this.
Going forward, I am going to quote the fabulous Regina Mills "I am not here to discuss timelines". Aka, I'm taking things from future seasons and putting them in now. Besides, it's a fic and I can do whatever I want with my boys.
Next time, Harper and Catherine will come to town. Just what shenanigans will they get up to? We shall see.
Let me know what you think! As always, feel free to leave prompts or ask me questions! I am on Tumblr and love communicating on there, as well as in the comments.