Eric
Chase doesn't leave until around three in the morning. We would have loved for Zach to have been with us to get his input but Jack had needed him over in Candor again to help on his side of things. We did message him a few times about the investigation as well as some of what Kat had told me that we thought might help things.
The big thing we were debating all night, with some input from Zach, was the revelation that Evelyn Eaton is alive and with the factionless. Kat made it a point to stress the woman's current state and what led to it. I had remembered her telling me about it before, but at the time she left out who she was. I also remember that when she was talking about this woman, who I now know is Four's mom, that I got how much Evelyn means to her .
Kat didn't say this last night but I know she's afraid that because of the connection to Four and my hate for him, that I would be tempted to use it against him. She's not wrong. I can honestly admit that there is the temptation to use it in that manner. Though the main reason for that is that it would be a major advantage we could use in bringing Marcus down.
Tempted though I may be...Zach, Chase and I all agree we can't bring Evelyn Eaton in. From what Kat told me about her, the woman is fragile and might not be able to hold up to the trauma of being questioned. And of course, we all knew it would hurt Kat to put the woman she cares so much through that.
Even those reasons hadn't been enough for me to completely dismiss the idea at first.
It wasn't until Chase brought up how the woman's condition could be used against her, making her out to be unreliable and unstable, and potentially making her testimony harmful rather than helpful. So as much as I was itching to add her being alive and the testimony she could provide, we decided against it.
No matter what my faction might believe about me, I do care about it and this city. I care about justice being done and those who deserve it being punished.
And Evelyn Eaton deserves justice for what was done to her. The best I could do at this point would be to nail Marcus Eaton however we could and bring him down without having to get her involved.
Since sleep wasn't going to be happening for me anytime soon, I kept the coffee going while I did some work that needed to be caught up. That was how Kat found me when she appeared out of the doorway of the bedroom.
Her hair is in a haphazard bun on top of her head and she's wearing my shirt that goes to just above her knees. I like the way she looks in it. With her lips still swollen and bruised from our earlier encounter. Then I catch sight of her eyes, wide open and with a slightly wild look to them.
"You okay?" I ask her, frowning in worry as I motion her over to me.
She pads over quickly and I reach out to pull her into my lap. With a sigh she sinks into my arms and rests her head against my shoulder.
"I guess…just, …a bad dream…you know." She replies in a soft and tired tone.
I nod then press my lips to her temple. "Yeah, I do, kitten."
We sit like that for a few seconds and then she starts looking at the table where I have papers spread across it as well as the laptop and tablet running.
"Have you been working all night?"
With my free hand, I run it through my hair and scratch the back of my neck. "Yeah. It all piles up faster than I can get to during the day. So sometimes I have to spend a night working on all of it."
"I hope that I'm not the reason you're not able to get it all done." She says, frowning deeply as her eyes still take it all in.
"No, that's not why at all." I assure her firmly. She turns her face, looking at me curiously as I explain to her. "This always happens regardless…but when something big comes up it is worse. Like when Raze has to go out and do security and maintenance checks or initiation time rolls around, then our normal heavy work loads become even heavier. Same for the two junior leaders who haven't been or don't want to be promoted to another position. They're just as loaded down too. Although, normally we have at least a few people being cross-trained for the junior leader position to help pick up the slack. But with there having been no initiation for the last two years there haven't been any new candidates. This year we're planning on possibly opening up two to three spots for the junior leader and that should help."
She nods thoughtfully, turning to look back at the table. "If you want…if it's something I'm allowed to see…I can help. Tris and I helped dad out with his paperwork and also when we worked in the volunteer center. So I know all about the Erudite systems and formats."
I smirk at her and chuckle. "You actually want to help me with all this shit?"
"It's not my favorite thing in the world to do." Shrugs with a rueful smile. "But I don't mind it, especially if it can help you out."
"Hmm," I hum thoughtfully. "You might just regret that offer, kitten. Because I'm going to have to take you up on it. I realized as I started working that I was going to have to cancel our morning training session. I really do have too much to catch up on, so what we're going to do is go to the office and work there instead, okay?"
She grimaces but nods slightly with a sigh and stands. "Well then, I'm going to need some coffee." I watch her as she moves off into the kitchen. She goes right to the cabinet where I keep my mugs, pulling one and quickly filling it. She takes a sip from it, then closes her eyes with a sigh of pleasure.
I can't help but let out a chuckle that quickly turns into a full on laugh when she pointedly ignores me while almost draining her cup and pouring more. When she comes back she tries to move to the chair beside me, but I pull her back into my lap. I let her drink some more while I have my arms wrapped around her waist and breathe her in.
I'm stalling, hesitating to go back to a subject I know causes her pain but I have to. So with a sigh I start out.
"I know you were worried when you were telling me about Evelyn. It took a lot for you to trust me with that information and what I might do with it." She tenses slightly in my arms but I pull her even tighter against me and take a calming breath.
"I've thought about it all night, Kat. Weighing how her testimony might help the case against Marcus versus how her state of mind could be turned against us instead. And while there is a chance that bringing her in could help us, it is very likely to cause her to retreat again with her being so fragile. He will use that against her, pointing out how unstable and unreliable she is. It will prove everything he's said about her in the past true. It would hurt the case. It…it would hurt you in the end."
She turns in her lap to face me, the coffee forgotten about as she looks in my eyes. I see a tentative hope in them as she relaxes into me a little. I take hold of her chin though, looking into her eyes and hating that I'm going to have dim that hope even just a little.
Before I can though she smiles at me, and shakes her head a little. "I know that if it comes to it, if there's even a hint that's what it will take or you think bringing her in will help protect me at all…"
"Then I will not fucking hesitate," I growl out, interrupting her. "And not just with her either. I haven't forgotten about Amar. I've left that alone for the moment. If I don't have to bring him in, then I won't. But at some point…some point soon …I am going to want to meet with him. Understand?"
Her answer is to kiss me. It starts out soft but becomes more intense pretty quickly. When she starts shifting in my lap, I groan and pull away then clear my throat and finish telling her everything we decided last night.
"One more thing," I pause so I can give her time to focus again. "When anyone asks you about what happened yesterday, and they will, you're to tell them you can't talk about it. That you've been ordered not to talk about the sim or where you went afterwards. You can't even tell your sister or Lynn. This is important, Kat. We have to keep anything that might relate to the investigation as locked up as we can. Chase and Zach both have a cover story of sorts and the plan is for them to get it out there. We are going to try and alternate in keeping close by in case we need to run interference, but if anyone bothers you about it or keeps pressing, then tell them to come see me."
She grins at my last words and shakes her head with a laugh. "Which they absolutely will not do."
"That's the idea, kitten. But…should anyone decide they're brave enough to try and step up, I wouldn't mind the chance to put them in their place again."
She hums a little before laughing and shaking her head at me. I know she understands that I sound playful with her when talking about it and that I'm also absolutely serious. It's unlikely anyone's really going to come at me, but this needs to be taken seriously.
While she finishes her coffee I resume what I was working on so I can get to a point where I can resume things in my office, explaining things I could use her help on once we do get there.
She gets up and heads back to the kitchen. At first I thought she's going back for more coffee. Instead I hear the sink running and look over to find her rinsing out her mug and putting it in the dishwasher. Then she looks at me with a grin and a twinkle in her eyes.
"I have to say, I'm disappointed about there being no training again today."
"We'll just have to go at it harder when we pick them up again." I agree with a frown.
She has a wicked grin on her face and walks towards me but then veers off and heads towards the bedroom. "That's too bad. I was going to suggest we could at least keep one part of the routine I greatly enjoy. Oh well, looks like my shower will just be a solo run through of that."
She gets this last part out as she calls back loudly over her shoulder. I can hear her giggle when her words register for me. I bolt up and shove out of my chair loudly. I growl as the chair clatters to the ground.
"The fuck you will." I boom out, already stripping out of the clothes I pulled on when Chase came over.
I barrel into the bedroom heading straight for the bathroom only to stop short. Instead of heading to the bathroom like I had been expecting, she's standing in front of the bed. Naked.
Her eyes are half lidded with that hungry look in them I love so much. My boxers fall to the ground and I kick them away. She reaches her hand out but I push it away and yank her against me. She gasps when I don't hesitate to pull her up my body, cradling her ass in my hands as she wraps her legs around my waist.
Already wet and ready for me, she wiggles in my hands, finding me just as hard and ready for her.
"So impatient." She moans against my neck as she kisses and nips at it. "I wanted a taste of you."
"Maybe if you're good, I'll let you have one later on." I tell her with a smirk as I walk the few steps to the bed. I don't know if she was going to respond because I didn't give her the chance. I had her pinned to the bed and was ravishing her mouth within seconds.
We're both moaning and groaning into each other's mouths as I move my hips to drag myself against her, pulsing forward and drawing back several times. I take my time and enjoy how slick and wet she is, how she moans and writhes beneath me. I especially love how she lets out little hisses of disappointment when I press my tip against her opening only to move away from sliding inside of her.
She whimpers softly, her body trembling with her growing need. A need that's growing in me as well, but I don't give into it. Time is a luxury we don't seem to ever really have anymore. Our moments together are stolen or full of stress. So now that we have it, I intend to make good use of it.
"Eric, please," She breathes against my ear.
I chuckle against the skin of her breast that I am currently teasing. "I'm the impatient one you said?" I clamp down on her hardened nipple and suck hard then swirl my tongue around it. I release it with a plop and lift my head to look at her panting under me. "Look at you, kitten. Impatient and greedy."
I playfully make a tutting noise and shake my head with a smirk. I feel the bite of her nails in my shoulder while she tries to pull us tighter together. I get so close I can feel the thudding of her heart against mine. I look up into her eyes, seeing the expected glaze of desire but not expecting the look of almost wild desperation.
"I am," Her voice is a husky whisper, like she's choking on whatever emotion she's feeling. "I am greedy for you like this and it's…" She stops, shaking her head like she can't go on.
I raise further up and look at her, frowning in concern. "It's what, Kat?"
"I don't know how to explain it…what I'm feeling." She admits, worrying on her bottom lip with her teeth.
My worry grows, but something else takes hold inside me. The seed of a secret hope that maybe she's going to say it, those words I haven't been able to say but that seem to burn me from the inside to get out.
"Try," I command her softly, tugging her lip back out of her teeth and stroking my thumb over it soothingly.
Kat takes in a breath and lets it out tremulously. "Promise you won't get mad?"
I try to hold back my scowl as I look down at her, wondering and worried why she thinks I'll get mad at whatever she's about to say. I swallow and nod slowly. "I can only promise to try not to."
She bites her lower lip again and nods. "Being with you is about more than just sex to me, Eric. It always has been. But lately, I've had all these doubts and worries about us. Things that I know aren't true because you've told me how you feel…and I do believe you. It's just sometimes…there's parts of me that are so afraid that something is going to happen; that I'm going to do or say something…and that will just be it for you. That you'll realize I'm not worth all this trouble and stress."
"Kat…" I begin to growl.
"Let me finish." She huffs out with teary eyes. "Logically I know that isn't true, Eric." She reaches out and places her hand on the side of my face. "But when were like this…I feel it. You let me feel the truth every time we're together but it's like it's never enough. I'm always greedy for more."
The raw emotion and words almost have me spilling everything to her. I don't just mean my feelings either. It wasn't the three big ones but honestly what she did say was so much more. Then there is the pleading in her eyes. To let her know in some way I understand and feel the same.
An animalistic rumble leaves my chest as I line myself up and thrust into her. She cries out and her eyes roll slightly before she closes them. They remain slightly closed, almost fluttering in an effort to open them back up again as I keep on thrusting into her, unable to stop. I grunt in pleasure as she wraps her arms around my neck and holds on, giving me complete control.
We're kissing deeply when her climax hits her so hard and fast I can tell it takes her by total surprise as she gasps into my mouth. I let her ride that out, but decided to switch things up because I was too damn close to going off myself.
With a little bit of arranging and directing I get her laid out onto her stomach. Her ass is raised just enough as I position myself. She is looking over her shoulder at me, gripping the sheets and biting her lip. There is more trust than apprehension in this new thing we are trying.
My body slides against hers as I move my mouth up her spine and have to grab her by the hips tightly to keep her from moving anymore. Her spine is an epicenter for touch.
It can be the greatest source of pain for her, or the biggest one of pleasure. Right now she is writhing and whimpering from just me kissing and licking my way up until I reach the back of her neck. I grab a handful of her hair and pull it to the side while turning her head at the same time. She looks at me with wild eyes as I lean down to bite and suck at the spot just at the top of her spine.
Her backside presses upwards and her legs curl up, heels pressing into my ass, trying to get me to slide into her as she cries out in pleasure and frustration. I can't hold out anymore when I can feel her slickness just dripping out and coating me. I slide in and groan into her mouth as I kiss her deeply.
I teased us both too much and for too long because I came up hard and fast on my release. It doesn't help that she is clamping down on me inside of her while rocketing to another climax. With every snap of my hips I grunt and she mewls for me. With every thrust I can hear the slap of my flesh against her butt cheeks, making them bounce. I push forward and she is trying to push back.
It's been like this from the beginning with us, where it seems like we're fighting each other for control of what we're doing. But in reality it's never been about that.
We've been striving for the same things. More time together and a deeper connection. But it translates to us trying to bring out every ounce of pleasure we can and not being satisfied until we know we have made the other feel as good as we can.
She has reached up to loop her arm around my neck as I lean close to her. I don't even know what exactly I am rasping out to her in her ear; in between my thrusts, grunts and biting at that spot that makes her tremble and cry out for more at the back of her neck. I know she is clearly saying, 'only yours', and it spurs me on until I am slamming into her so hard we are both moving up on the bed.
She yells out a final time as her body jerks and shakes underneath me, combining with my own as I hunch over and bury my face in her neck while I pour myself into her. I'm gulping in air as I ease myself out and stretch out beside her. My hand taking hers in mine as they lay stretched out above our heads.
Her skin is glowing with the sheen of sweat and flushed color. I can see bruising marks on her hips, nipped marks all up and down her spine and dark red ones on the back of her neck.
I shouldn't feel so damn good about that but I do and the longer we have to keep quiet about us the deeper and more visible they're becoming. She sighs in contentment and nuzzles my chest as I pull her against me, almost purring and living up to her nickname.
Not even two minutes later our watches go off together signaling the time we would normally be getting up. With a smirk and a small groan of my own I pull her up off the bed. She whoops when I sweep her into my arms and carry her into the shower.
"You did say this was your favorite part right?" I ask her as I put her down on the tile and turn the shower knobs. Water starts to blast out and then heats to our temperature so I turn back to her. She is biting her lip and stops with a mischievous grin.
She doesn't answer with words but with her hands and lips while she sinks down to her knees. I groan and throw my head back into the shower spray as I close my eyes.
Less than three weeks, I tell myself,
In less than three weeks we won't have to hide anymore. In less than three weeks I'll be able to go to sleep and wake up with her everyday. In less than three weeks she will be a member and by then I hope to hell I will have one threat gone and can start really working towards eliminating the other.
In less than three weeks I'll be one step closer in securing being together finally.
Kat
Tris is waiting for us by Eric's office door.
We didn't see her at first because she was sitting in front of it and we were talking about the reports he wants me to work on entering data into while he concentrates on other pressing matters and that when it's time to leave Zach's going to come and walk me to the training room. It isn't until we're just at the door we notice her when she pops up suddenly.
"Tris!" I call out in surprise and look at her worriedly. "What are you doing here?"
She gives me a look that seems to say, what do you think? From beside me I hear Eric softly snort. I start to glare at him but luckily remember were we're at. Then I turn my attention back to my sister.
"Okay, dumb question, but how did you know I would be here and not in a training room?" I ask her.
"I found Chase in the dining hall and he told me where to find you this morning." She responds while giving Eric a side eye glare.
"Figures. Fucking traitor." Eric grumbles under his breath but not quiet enough that I, and my sister, can't hear him.
I bite my lower lip to stifle a laugh and she turns her head to look at him a little curiously before turning that same look back on me.
Eric clears his throat and gets my attention again, looking at me with a blank expression before rolling his eyes and turning to punch the code to his office in. "Be back here in thirty minutes, initiate."
He doesn't see my nod, or the look Tris is still giving the two of us, so I grab her arm and tug her along with me to the dining hall. I'm hoping that when we get there that either Chase or Zach will still be there to try and help me with giving my sister the answers she's silently demanding from me.
I also plan to grab some more coffee and breakfast for me and Eric since we're going to be working in his office this morning and won't be able to join the others like normal.
Zach walks in shortly after we do. We're standing getting coffee together and I see him rush in, then looking around. Eric must have messaged him after he got into his office telling him to get his butt down here and help me with the grilling my sister is going to subject me to.
Which is a good thing too. Because my inability to lie paired with the stubborn set of my sister's shoulders let me know I was on dangerous ground.
He sees us then sags in relief and motions his head to our normal morning table. I nod slightly and turn to follow Tris as she goes to grab some food.
I don't grab anything right then since I know I'll be eating with Eric in a bit. She asks me about my lack of food as we're taking a seat.
"I was just planning on coming here to grab some coffee and food to take back to Eric's office this morning since that's where we'll be today."
She frowns heavily and looks at her plate then she takes a breath and looks back at me.
"What happened yesterday, Kat? Are you in some kind of trouble? You disappeared and no one would tell me anything but there are apparently already rumors going around. I heard whispering in the dorm this morning and in the Pit when I was looking for you."
"I wouldn't put much stock into the rumors you hear from a bunch of lazy, busy bodies who think they have nothin' better to do with their time." A voice booms from the end of the table making us all look to see Raze approaching us to take a seat.
He has his trusty thermos in hand, and lifts it to wave my way with a smirk. I can't help but moan a little in pleasure then look regretfully at the cup of coffee already in my hand. That is until he pulls his other hand from behind his back and shows us the empty mugs he brought with him.
I squeal in happiness and make a gimme gesture, causing my sister to roll her eyes at me. I notice it doesn't stop her from accepting her own mug with an eager look.
I start to eagerly sip and slurp my cup while Zach decides that he'll take over answering my sister's questions for me and I get to see first hand how my guys decided to handle the situation.
"She's not in trouble and I'm not sure about all the rumors but Raze is right. I wouldn't put much stock into what they're saying. Seeing as how the matter has been locked down by leadership due to possibly being a lead to the attacks during capture and in the dorm, I'm pretty sure none of them would end up being anywhere close to true."
"What?" She looks from him to me in worry. "How can a fear sim do that?"
"It doesn't happen often, but the serum can also trigger or access memories and use them in a fear simulation. In this case, Kat's memory looked to have pieces of memories from both of those attacks mixed in with the actual fear. So we need to investigate and find out what is real and what is not. The hope is that it can help give us clues to who was behind the attacks."
"But…she was basically unconscious for most if not all of those two incidents. So how can she have a memory of it?"
I'm listening with interest as well, wondering how it's possible. I know it's a cover story for my scenario, but Eric hinted they are able to use it because it's happened before.
"Sometimes the mind picks up on things that a person isn't aware it's picking up on. Things going on around them, how people look, these are all things the person might not have been concentrating on at the time so they don't know they have that information. We think Kat might have seen and heard more than she was capable of being aware of at the time."
"Oh," She says, looking anything but relieved at this. If anything she's looking even more worried, and I can practically see the wheels turning in her mind as her protective instincts ramp up even more.
I don't know if he just senses it from her, or he figures that anyone in our situation would be feeling like this, but Raze speaks up.
"We were already ramping up security because of the attacks, but with this new development we're going to be sure to double it. It might result in less freedom for the initiates, but we would rather that then another incident happening. But if it comes down to it, and we feel she's going to be targeted because of this, there was talk of removing her from the dorms and putting her somewhere where her security can be assured." He says with a knowing glance at me for just a second while smirking before directing his attention back to my sister. Now he's wearing a reassuring expression for her. "With all that being said though, we aren't making all this public knowledge. You're being told because you're her sister. So we expect you to remember to help keep it quiet too."
"Okay," She agrees with a small smile for the older man and I turn narrowed eyes on him with his all too knowing eyes looking back at me.
"You should probably head to Eric's office now. It's been close to a half hour and you know how he is about being late." Zach pipes up from beside Raze
"Oh shit. I still have to get some food." I look at my watch with a gasp and pop up.
"Here, I'll help." Zach tells me softly, standing up as well.
"You'll be in training today right?" Tris calls out to me as I scuttle away.
"Yep, I'll be there!" I called back to her. Then a thought strikes me and I turn my head to look at Zach beside me as he motions for one of the dining hall workers to put together a few boxes of food together for us as fast as possible. "I will be there today right? I don't need to give any statements or anything?"
"You'll be there today." He replies and shifts uncomfortably. "But I did mean what I said about us having to review the sim and go over what's real or not. So you can expect some questions at some point after we've done that."
"Oh joy," I mutter moodily.
Deciding he has the food handled, I go over to were they have the recyclable paper cups and lids to be used for coffee so members can take it with them. They aren't as big as the metal mugs, but they are better than nothing. I fill up two of those and meet back up with Zach who kindly offers to carry the food for me to Eric's office.
As we make our way through the pit I go over the events of the last few days in my mind. I don't want to think about the fear sim anymore than I really have to so I concentrate on my time with Eric.
I think something changed between us last night. It feels like whatever we already shared deepened, or intensified. I know that for me it felt like something reached out from my heart and tethered itself to this man irrevocably as opened up his own wounds and exposed them for me to see.
And then his words to me just before and even while he made love to me with such passion I passed out afterwards; there was no going back for me.
I was still so caught up in all that, so I didn't have the time to really process what he told me about himself, his parents and brother. I could only focus on how upset, livid really, I felt as he told me about how they died and what happened to him after that.
Tobias and Marcus weren't the only times I was exposed to or had knowledge of abuse inside of a family. Working with my mom, I saw many cases of families in the factionless that mistreated each other.
But no matter how many times I've seen it before, I still have a sense of disbelief that families can treat each other like that. Last night I felt that way too, wondering how his brother could treat him like that, especially after they lost their parents.
As amazing as how the night had ended and what he confessed made me feel...I was stuck on something else and that is what had me going through my day on autopilot. All I could think about was how I could make those who hurt Eric pay. How I needed to find out what had happened to his parents and make those responsible pay.
Maybe there really is something to this divergent thing. I know I don't feel different from everyone else, but it's becoming apparent that how I think at times and react to things is definitely different than others around me.
Before last night, I was so mired in all my own pain, anger, worry…and just everything…so badly that it felt like I was drowning in it all and there was no getting out of that feeling. But this morning, almost as soon as I woke up in bed from a bad dream, the gears in my head started working and I went into a completely different mode.
There were things that Eric said about his parents that didn't really strike me until the height of emotion was over. He mentioned his parents had been working with some people in Abnegation to help with that faction's living conditions as well as the factionless. Then he said they were robbed, beaten and left for dead by the factionless.
Maybe it's just my paranoia and tendency to lay everything wrong in my life and of those around me at the feet of Marcus Eaton, but my gut is telling me he was involved in some way. And not just in the manner Eric blames him either, for him calling for a reduction of the guards who patrolled in that sector.
If his parents had truly been trying to improve things in what Marcus definitely sees as his own personal kingdom, I can see he would try and get control if not put a stop to it altogether.
I know I need to take my time, think this out and plan on how to get the information that might help me confirm or deny my suspicions.
One way or the other though, I am determined to find out what happened and make whoever took Eric's parents away suffer.
***** Worth Fighting For ****
For the next few days I'm more…not relaxed exactly…just more subdued. I still gave it my all when we had a day of physical training. Especially since we got to work with handguns again and I felt the need to redeem myself from the way I performed the last time we had access to them. I used the activity to zone out and let my body take over.
The emotional strain I was and still am under leaves me exhausted most nights but not as bad as it had been. Talking to Eric had a much bigger effect on me than I would have thought. I didn't realize how stressed I was about how he might react until it was over and that weight I had been carrying was gone.
I also didn't feel so alone as I had been feeling for such a very long time. I knew Zach and Chase had been there for me before, Zach more than the others by my own choice at first. It was different though now that I had told Eric everything.
I still struggled with the newest sim though, and I knew I had to do better. Becoming a member needed to be first in my thoughts and I put everything into that over the coming days.
***** Worth Fighting For ****
I look in surprise at the rankings update and stare at my placement. Tris is still in the top spot of the newly combined classes. I had been in third place, but then after that awful sim about Marcus, my ranking dropped to sixth place when they posted the update directly after.
Now I'm sitting in second place, right under my sister.
It's a testament to how much my fear times have improved. I stopped fighting so hard to fight against everything thrown my way, and the times just keep getting better and better. I am still stuck on the one with Marcus and my sister. Even trying to control my heart and breathing can't seem to bring me out of it as fast as all the others have been.
The guys can't tell me what's going on, but from what Eric says there's something fishy going on with the data when I'm in that particular fear. It's like it's purposely trying to keep me in it for as long as possible.
It's been bothering him that all he can go on is just the data after I've already had my sim, since he's no longer there for them and Zeke took his place. While the public reason being spread around is that he needed to resume his duties as a leader, I know it's because he couldn't be in that room with Four again.
There's a mounting pressure on all of us though, and being updated on the rankings so much isn't really helping. While it's nice to know where we stand, and see how quick rankings can change with even the smallest of mistakes, it has definitely increased the tension between the initiates even more than it had been.
The slight truce and camaraderie we had going on was almost completely gone now and I knew it was just a matter of time before all this pressure found an outlet to be released.
I guess what happened next was always bound to happen.
***** Worth Fighting For ****
Today was turning out to be an exceptionally bad day.
It wasn't a fear sim day, thank god for small favors. That meant we were all assigned to whatever training the instructors cooked up for us. In this instance they decided a full on fitness bonanza was in store. With burpees, suicides, squats and running.
Lots of running and usually with some kind of rigged up piece of weighted clothing.
It was bad enough that when I got called out of training I was actually happy about it for once. Even though I knew it was just to be taken up to one of the offices and questioned for at least a few hours.
Zach hadn't been wrong about them eventually getting to questioning me about my fear sim. It led to me giving as detailed descriptions as I could of that incident. Since then I've been called out of the physical training a few more times to go over more of my encounters with Marcus and his factionless minions.
I usually knew beforehand that I was going to be questioned, and Zach helped me prepare so I wouldn't say something they were trying to keep quiet. Like about Evelyn, Amar or my divergence.
Today though, I had no idea because not even Zach had known. It seems that during some of their investigation of thefts they found a connection with the factionless I've described as being Marcus's thugs to the people that are suspected of the crime.
So I had to be grilled over and over again on anything I know about them which was not fun at all.
To make matters worse…tonight is the final night before the beginning of the last stage. We haven't had any downtime like we did between the first and second stage, and it doesn't look like we're not technically going to get any after tonight either.
There are supposed to be a few days before the real final stage starts. In those days, we were told we are going to be learning how to scale walls and rappel down them, along with some basic survival and first aid training. And when the final stage does start up again, we're going to be doing all of that along with continuing the fear sims.
The final stage is supposed to be a secret, but it's the worst kept secret in Dauntless really. Since all the Dauntless born know that at the end of every initiation there is a big watching party of the year's group being put through their fears one last time. Members generally don't talk about what actually happens during that final test with someone who hasn't gone through it themselves but they don't bother denying it has to do with the person having to face all of their fears at one time.
Because of my divergence, the guys felt it was necessary for me to know what exactly was going to happen. It turns out these aren't going to be just a normal fear sim. In fact, it's not even called that during the final stage.
Fear Landscape.
That's what we will be facing. They way Eric describes it is that it's a super-realistic version of the fear sims because all the senses will be involved. The regular sims it's just a person's mind that is engaged when they are in a dream-like state. For the landscape, we will be in a more awake and aware state so that we can freely move around in the VR setup that the simulations are run on in this stage.
For most people, and in years past, people would feel like it was very real, but they somewhat knew it wasn't. The only exception that they had been able to find were the divergents. This was the test that people looking for divergents really counted to reveal any anomalies that might have been missed before.
The problem this year is that we don't know how we are going to react to the new serum. Just like for the regular fear sims, Erudite had also made one for the landscapes as well.
With how things have been going for all the initiates across the board, but especially me, we aren't sure what is going to happen when I finally go under.
So that's why I currently find myself at Eric's apartment at dinner time, hashing everything out with the guys. We do have a surprising addition in that Peter is here with me too. I am not sure when or who shared my divergent status with him, but it happened sometime in the last few weeks. I guess they felt it was necessary to tell him since he needed to be with me those times I was sneaking away for questioning or the rare hang outs I got to have.
I was surprised Eric didn't act more upset about his presence but he was relatively well behaved with him. He didn't treat him like one of us, but he wasn't a complete dick to him either.
"That's enough for tonight," Zach declares and pushes away from the table. "We have a bit of time, so why don't we just watch a movie or something."
"Yes," I rush out to agree in relief and get up to help him. He waves me away as we both wait for the others to give their opinion, which we get in the form of two nods and a grunt.
One guess who the grunter was.
"Might as well go pick one out then, kitten." Eric grumbles out to me disgruntledly.
I don't give him or anyone else time to protest before I launch myself towards his media center and start rifling through what he has available. He's been so worried, that if Eric had his way we'd still be here talking about the same thing until the early hours of morning.
To lighten the mood, I pick a movie about as far away from my normal preferences as I feel comfortable going for…considering who my company is. I want something light hearted and completely silly.
When Eric joins me to see what I picked he looks up at me incredulously and immediately starts shaking his head.
"If you didn't want me to watch it then you shouldn't have it here for me to pick from." I tell him before he can speak I glare at him while popping out a hip and putting my hand to it.
"I wasn't the one to bring it here in the first place. That was chuckles over there." He jabs an accusing thumb in Chase's direction just as he walks out of the kitchen who stands there looking confused for a second as Eric continues on. "Believe me if I would have known the crap was still here I would have burned it."
"Well, you didn't and now we're going to watch it." I tell him with a fake sniff and quickly shove it into the disc slot before he can stop me.
I stand back up with a triumphant smile but he just rolls his eyes. "I need a fucking beer." He mumbles then moves off to the kitchen.
The others laugh as I bounce my way to my normal spot on the couch. They all settle in after deciding Eric's suggestion of a drink sounds good. When he returns to take his own place, Eric has a beer in hand for him and a glass that has that half lemonade and tea mixture I've found I like.
I smile at him thankfully and when he pulls me tight against him I snuggle in.
I make it through about the first thirty minutes of the movie, giggling at both the absurdity of the movie and Eric's very obvious dislike of it before exhaustion slowly starts to make me drift off. I only wake up when the background noise it was making is silenced and I hear a muted debate from the others.
"No one's fucking waking her up, I said." A rumbling growl comes from the chest I'm laying on.
I try to blink but find my eyes feel like they're glued together.
"I know she's exhausted but she can't stay here tonight, Eric." I'm awake enough to recognize that's the voice of a frustrated Chase.
The haze of sleep has finally cleared enough for me to really register what's going on, for me to feel Eric tensing under me and his chest vibrating with whatever he's about to say next. I decide it's better to stop this argument before it can get worse.
"He's right, I have to get back to the dorm." I mumble out, trying to hold back a yawn and failing.
Of course that doesn't make Eric any less tense, if anything his arms that were holding me loosely before tightened a bit. I raise my head and look at him to find that he's glaring at the others in the room.
"Eric," I say with a sigh, reaching out a hand and placing it on the side of his face to try and get him to look at me instead.
"It's just a little over a week and then we'll have our time together. Staying now when I don't have to is just taking a risk we afford to take." I tell him with a small smile.
I see the resignation in his eyes before he nods and seethes out his agreement. "Fine, you can go back." But he doesn't let up right away, and I see him toss a glance at others, making them decide to find something else to do in the apartment.
When they're gone he pulls me close for a long slow kiss before pressing his forehead to mine.
"We're almost there, Eric." I murmur, not liking having to leave any more than he likes it.
"Almost," He agrees, breathing heavily.
***** Worth Fighting For ****
"So, uh, things have been pretty heavy for you." Peter murmurs to me as we leave Eric's.
I sigh and nod, my shoulders drooping even more with tiredness and the weight of everything going on.
"It's been like this the whole time?" He asks, his forehead wrinkling with whatever he's feeling.
"Yeah, pretty much from day one." I admit.
I haven't really had time or the energy to really find out what he thinks about all he's found out now that he's been brought into the circle. Or at least as much as Eric will allow him to be brought in.
"That divergent crap. It's supposed to be this awesome thing…like a fucking super power or something. But man, seeing what you're going through… it seems more like a curse."
My head snaps over to him as I glare at him. "Really, you think?"
He smirks at my attitude and shrugs. "Look…what I'm trying to say is that I know this sucks for you. Hard core. And no offense, stiff, you can tell what it's doing to you. I see the pressure being put on you." He sneers out, making me glance over at him in concern as he continues on. "Zach's said Eric isn't the one responsible but…I don't know. Anyway…that's not what I wanted to talk about."
He pauses and takes a breath as if he's preparing himself for something big. "I can't even believe I'm fucking saying this, but if you need me to cover for you, or be your cover so you get away from it for a bit, or away from certain people…I've got your back."
I blink away the surprise, realizing this concern isn't all that surprising anymore coming from Peter like it was in the beginning. It's just the first time he's actually vocalized it.
"Thanks," I reply, a little lost for words until something else strikes me about what he said…what he implied about Eric. He doesn't know what exactly I'm going to have to testify about. I know Zach had told him the same story being circulated at first but I don't know if he's finally been told the truth.
"You think Eric's pressuring me about testifying?" I ask him.
He rubs the back of his neck and shrugs. "I don't know. I just know he's fully capable of pressuring someone if not just outright threatening a person to get what he wants."
"That's not what's going on, Peter. Eric wouldn't hurt me." At my last words he looks at me with a raised eyebrow. "Ugh, okay outside of training or whatever he wouldn't hurt me. Happy?" I snarl at him defensively.
He shifts his gaze away, but it wasn't before I saw something in his eyes. A haunted look. One I've seen in Tobias, and also in my own reflection whenever I've seen it.
"Eric's not like him." I protest softly.
Peter looks over at me, his lips curled slightly as he shakes his head. "My mom used to defend my dad too in the beginning."
Before I can protest or argue any further, something else catches my attention as we approach the corridor that leads to the Chasm.
There was a scream, faint and sounded like it was cut off or something, but it had me running without hesitation.
I feel Peter running behind me but if he's calling me back or trying to talk to me at all I don't hear that. I can only hear the thud of my own heart as I race on. Knowing who I am going to find at the other end of the scream. I've heard that same scream every time I have my sims now as I'm forced to watch my sister be beaten and tormented.
Damned if I'm going to let that happen to her for real.
I think some part of me was hoping I was wrong. That it was in my imagination. I can admit that there are times when her screams and cries stay with me for hours after I get done with my sims. They still feel so real that I used to wonder why no one else could hear them too.
I barrel down the hallways that lead right to the top of the Chasm where the bridge is.
I can hear the sounds of a scuffle up ahead and just as I break out into the open space I see a flash of my sister's hair as she struggles against three attackers and it all goes red and blurry.
I launch myself at the closest figure to me. They're all dressed in long sleeved workout gear and have some kind of head covering over their faces. Everything bursts into chaos as soon as I wrench one of them away from my sister.
They had been trying to move her towards the railing, intending to push her over. They hadn't planned well because they didn't expect her to fight back or to do so as well as she did. The bridge over the Chasm is a narrow thing and the rail isn't much protection from such a steep drop. They had been fighting to keep their own balance as much as they were trying to get her to lose hers.
With more people entering the fight, two of the three attackers decided to cut and run. Leaving behind the one I throw to the ground and launch myself on top of. I vaguely register that Peter had a brief scuffle with one of them, even managing to unmask the person. But before I could see who it was, they broke free and Peter hauled ass after them.
If the person I tackled tried to defend themselves at first I don't know. I don't feel like I took any hits but then again I can barely feel anything but rage at the moment. I rained blows down on the attacker's head. I can hear slightly muffled cries and pleads through the black head covering.
It pisses me off that I can't see their eyes so I rip it off and snarl when I find the bloodied face of Molly.
I think at this point I lose all sense of reason or control because the next thing I know I'm being pelted with a stream of water and I feel someone tugging at my clothes. I'm still breathing hard but the rush of adrenaline and anger that took over me isn't there as much.
A numb feeling starts to take over me, a coldness that makes me start to shiver. Flashes of blood and screams seem to fill my vision and I start to shake even more. I try to slap away whoever is touching me, wanting away from them and the bite of the water on my skin.
Arms like steel surround me, as well as the heat from his body. I gasp in relief as some sense starts to return and I realize it's Eric. When he realizes I've stopped fighting against him, the hold he has on me turns from restraining to assuring.
I can't reply when he starts asking me if I'm okay, if I've been hurt. All I can do is continue to shake.
He steps away from me a little, looking me over. That's when I started to take a look at myself too. My arms and hands are covered in blood, some of it thick and almost chunky looking. The clothes I'm still wearing are streaked in it too. I looked like Eric had been using a knife to try and cut away parts of my clothing to see if I'm the one that was hurt, but I know it's not mine.
It's not my blood covering my body.
I start scraping at my arms, shoving them under the spray of the water and trying to get it off of me. A sick, panicky feeling taking over the numbness as I discover every new horror, like the bits of flesh under my nails.
It feels like my mind is about to snap and then my back hits the wall. Not hard, but forcefully enough that it jolts me out of my hysteria and I find Eric's eyes burning into mine…willing me to pull it together.
"Did I kill her?" I ask in a ragged whisper.
"I'm not sure. She didn't look great when they were prepping her to be taken to the clinic, but I didn't stick around to find out." His mask is in place, so whatever he's really thinking or feeling is hidden from me. "Would you really care if you did?"
The question takes me off guard for a second and it takes me a bit longer to process what I'm thinking or feeling. I've hated Molly from the beginning.
There have been times I've wanted to hurt her for how she's harassed Tris, but I'd never wanted her dead before.
Do I want her dead now? I don't know, maybe I do, or at the very least I wouldn't be upset if she died in penance for her crimes.
But…
Not because I beat her to death though. Not because I lost control of myself so badly I've forgotten everything I promised I would or would not do to make others pay for their crimes.
So I looked back at Eric, who was waiting for me to answer him.
"Yes," I state simply at first then explain more when I see his lips thin a little. "I don't regret stopping her. She needed to be caught, and to pay for what she did. What she tried to do to my sister. But she wasn't the only one there tonight, and we might need her to tell us who those two others were if they haven't been caught yet."
He tilts his head, looking at me curiously and raises a hand to move a strand of bloodied hair from my face. "But that's not the entire reason is it?"
I shake my head a little with burning eyes but I can't say it. Luckily I don't have to. His face softens and he pulls me in his arms.
"I don't think she's going to die from what you did, Kat. She'll probably be messed up for a while, even have trouble talking if I'm right and you broke her jaw." He tilts my chin to meet his eyes again. "I know what losing control like that does to you. I know you hate that side of yourself. In a perfect world, the world I want so fucking bad for you, it wouldn't be something you'd have to worry about. But this world is far from perfect and as much as I try to…as much as I need to…I can't always be there to protect you from shit. No matter what I do, trouble seems to find you. I'm glad to know that you can and will do whatever it takes to keep yourself and others safe."
He pulls me in tight against him. I breathe out in relief as I close my eyes for a second. "Is Tris safe though, Eric?"
"Zach and Chase are handling the arrangements for her right now. After I get you cleaned up and checked over a bit more, I have to go back out there. We'll need to deal with Molly and find the others involved."
I start to protest but before I can he anticipates me and shuts it down immediately. "Kat, I need to know you're here where I know it's safe so I can do what needs to be done."
I deflate but honestly, I didn't have it in me to fight too hard. So I nod resignedly. He grunts his approval and moves away from me to start checking me for any injuries of my own. When he sees I don't have any he leaves me to get himself sorted out. He came into the shower dressed with all but his boots on. So while I cleaned myself up, scrubbing away anything that resembled blood he changed clothes and made calls.
I could hear him still on the phone when I finally stepped out of the shower. Clothes were laid out for me too, one of the warmer sets of pajamas of a pair of sweatpants, a long sleeve t-shirt and one of his hoodies that I've claimed as my own when in the apartment.
When I step out of the bathroom he's sitting on the edge of the bed pulling on his boots. He looks up and tells the person he'll be there shortly then hangs up without waiting for a response back.
He tosses the phone on the bed and stands up, offering me his hand and pulling me closer.
"I can't stay much longer but I want to make sure you're settled in. I'm going to put the apartment in complete lockdown once I leave. Anyone trying to get in won't and it will alert my phone if they do."
He ushers me into bed as he's saying all this but I hesitate, almost digging my heels in at the thought of having to sleep here alone right now.
"I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep, Eric." I pleaded with him. "After what happened and not knowing how Tris is or what happened to Peter, I'm just going to lay here all night."
He breathes out frustrated, looks around his room then nods to himself. "Fine. I'll get you set up on the couch. But I'm serious about staying here. I can stop people from getting in but I can't stop you from leaving. I'm trusting that you'll do what I am asking you to do. Okay?"
He does exactly what he promised, getting me tucked in on the couch with a cup of tea and a marathon of an old tv show ready to play for me.
I watched him walk out of the door after a final kiss to the top of my head and heard the sound of him triggering the alarm system and lockdown. It made me tense for a second, the feeling of being locked in somewhere even though I know I can leave at any time. But I don't. I know what's at stake right now.
So I let the tea soothe me and the funny man in the big blue box galivanting across the universe distract me until my eyes grew heavy and I drifted off.
The next thing I know is the alarm on my watch is going off making me jerk awake. Eric's arm is wrapped around me and we are in his bed. I must have been extremely tired to not even wake up when he moved me. He grumbled beside me and pulled me closer but didn't even act like he was about to get up.
"Our training's canceled. Go back to sleep." He didn't even move his head from being buried in my hair when he mumbled this out.
I grunted and tried to shove his arm to wake him but it just constricted tighter on me. "Eric, what about Tris and Peter?"
"They're fine. Tris with Four. Peter with Zach….all asleep…" His caveman speak is probably all I am going to get from him and I don't think I will be getting out of his hold either. Deciding I could use a few more hours of sleep, I settle back down in his arms. This earns me a nuzzle against my neck and a deep hum before I feel Eric's deep breathing letting me know he is already back to sleep. It doesn't take me long to follow him.