Abril, shows up with a Starbucks chai latte after a year: Hey, what's up?

Merlin opened his eyes to blurred vision. His skin buzzed like there was subtle electricity running over it. Running through the tender layers of fine muscle and cells over and over and over again. He felt almost… alien in his own body, like someone had tried to kick him out and now he didn't fit quite right.

As his sight began clearing, blue eyes took stock of the space around him. Medical machinery and white walls, the quiet sound of his vitals being tracked. A shudder wrecked Merlin's body. It was a dream. He'd dreamt some damned heroes had rescued him. What a fantasy. His eyes blurred again as tears pricked at the edges of his eyes.

"What is it? What's wrong?" A soft hand cradled his cheek and he flinched away. "My lord, it's me," came a whispered voice. Familiar.

"Aithusa?" Merlin startled weakly, holding onto the palm on his face with fear. If Aithusa was here, that meant–

"Be still, you're safe now, I swear. You're safe, you're safe," the albino told him pleadingly. "Look around, take a moment. You're not trapped anymore."

And so Merlin did. He waited for the mad beating of his heart to slow down and looked at the room again. Aithusa was right, it was different. But not only that, this room was not rudimentary useful, this one had comfort in mind behind the cold sterility of medical facilities. The surface touching his back was not cold metal but soft bedding. The sheets were fresh and smelled clean with a fake flowery note to them. But more importantly and above all, Merlin could feel Aithusa beside him, content and alive and unhurt. He could feel his dragon as only Merlin could feel others of his kind, dragonkind. And he hadn't been able to do that before, his senses had been skewed by unknown drugs and substances. By an addled brain too turned upside down from electric shocks and perseverant testing.

The sorcerer shuddered out a half-relieved breath and gathered his senses as close to himself as he could. They were all over the place like errant children, uncontrolled; sensing things Merlin didn't want to and escaping his grip. He was on the roof and in the levels below and through the walls. He did his best to reign them in so he could concentrate on what was in the room. Who was in the room.

"Aithusa," he breathed out, finally, really looking at his dragon. His pink, pale face was lovely to behold, so light it almost blended with the white of his hair and eyebrows. It was marked by lines of worry and fatigue, his little sun, how worried he must've been. "My sun," Merlin muttered weakly.

"Emrys," Aithisa mouthed with a smile.

The sorcerer tried to shift but halted with a pained whimper.

"Don't move," the albino shushed him. "You are very hurt." His voice wavered with a different kind of hurt than his dragonlord's.

Merlin shuddered as if the very words triggered something in his body, it made him gasp. Sharp, white stabs of pain pulsed within him. He breathed harshly, trying to appease his agonizing everything. Still, a tear rolled down his cheek.

"It's going to be okay," Aithusa shushed him gently, leaning into Merlin as if going for a hug but only pressing their foreheads together. "It's going to be fine."

They interlaced their fingers, holding on tightly and desperately.

"I'm... not so sure about that," Merlin said with effort. "But I am okay now," he said, words heavy with meaning as he looked at Aithusa.

The albino breathed out, equally shaky. He nodded in understanding.

"Ambrose…" he prompted but stopped as soon as the sorcerer's eyes were on him. Aithusa shook his head. "I'm just glad you're okay."

Merlin smiled with effort, trying for something reassuring.

Aithusa cleared his throat and straightened.

"Are you in a lot of pain?" The albino asked, laying a careful hand on Merlin's arm.

"Yeah, a bit," he rasped, "but that's okay." His eyes crossed with Aithusa, seemingly knowing what the actual question was.

The dragon needed no more prompting than that. He took off his boots and carefully climbed up the hospital bed, nestling beside Merlin and having great care not to justle anything nor give his brother any extra pain.

Aithusa kept his limbs to himself, even though he desperately wanted to wrap himself all around Merlin. His size was perfect for the occasion, but the occasion was not perfect at all. Still, both men settled, the albino gently resting his head atop raven curls; Merlin's face pressed against the other's neck. He breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Where are we?" the raven haired asked in a sigh. His body was begging him to go back under and never wake up again. At least not for a couple of decades.

"New York," Aithusa answered quietly, playing with Merlin's hair as he did. "We're at the base of those American heroes."

Merlin looked up at the other, his body tensing up slightly in alertness.

"It's okay, do not worry," the dragoon soothed, pushing his forehead against the other. "They helped me save you."

The sorcerer nodded, settling down again, and sighed.

"I feel like I'm missing a lot," he muttered.

"You are," Aithusa laughed lightly. "But there's nothing you have to worry about at this moment. Your only concern should be getting better. Yeah?"

Merlin hummed, passively agreeing. "But are you okay?" he asked.

When Aithusa shifted his incredulous eyes at his dragonlord, the man was already back asleep. The albino sighed.

"I am now," he said quietly and kissed the crown of his brother's head.

He knew he'd have to explain everything later, which he was not looking forward to at all, but it would happen eventually. For now, though, this was enough, just having his soul brother in his arms, sleeping safe and secure, was more than enough.

~.~.~.~

The Avengers didn't quite know what to make of Ambrose. From the words Aithusa was allowed to tell them, he'd not endeared his 'brother' to them at all. Even though the albino could swear up and down on the purity of Ambrose's soul, well… actions spoke louder than words.

For his part Aithusa could barely stand to be parted from the man's side, and even more now. That evening, three days after they had managed to rescue Ambrose from Hydra's clutches, he'd finally woken up.

"How do you think he could do it?" Tony asked out loud.

Natasha and Clint,- who had stayed at the tower to see how things would develop, or to interfere if something were to happen,- lifted up their eyes to Tony. They had all been somewhat pensive since they had rescued Ambrose.

"You know, that whole, power of an atomic bomb thing, from a guy that, what? Can grow plants and vomit light?" He tossed the ball he'd been fiddling with at Clint who caught it smoothly.

"I'm not sure," Natasha muttered. "Maybe it's more than meets the eye. We've hardly seen him awake after all.

"Plants?" Clint said after a while. "Try life. That wasn't just plants he was making grow Tony, there were insects there. Breathing, moving things." He quieted for a moment. "That's a lot of power if you ask me."

"Yeah, but it's not exactly screaming, apocalyptic aftermath now, is it?" The engineer rolled his eyes as Clint threw the ball back at him.

"Well Bruce doesn't precisely scream giant green man who'll bring down a building now, does he?" The archer said mockingly.

Tony hummed and turned to look at Natasha, who was sitting close to Clint, not looking at the as she thought.

"What about you? You're been quiet on this," Tony prompted her, passing her the toy.

"Well." Natasha looked down at the ball as she pondered. "I think we've not seen all that we need to."

"Cryptic much," Tony cracked.

"Hm. Doesn't mean it's not true," she said and left it at that.

~.~.~.~

In the early hours of the morning, Merlin seized.

Startled from his dreaming vigil, Aithusa fell from the bed with a ruckus. When he scrambled up the dragonlord had his back arched as his skin was violently rippling. It was as if his body couldn't decide what it wanted to be. There was a silent scream stuck in Merlin's throat; the heart monitors shrieked with the dangerous speed of his beating heart.

Horrified, Aithusa could do nothing more than look. His eyes shifted around the room when an electric hum rose around them as several devices overcharged.

Then, several machines popped with a flare of light just as Merlin collapsed right back down. His body flopping like a puppet cut off its strings.

"Ambrose!" Pulled from his stupor, Aithusa sprinted up to the dragonlord's side but hesitated to lay hands on him.

"What's going on?" Tony came rushing into the medical room, an arm up and at the ready with his suit's repulsor powered on. He was half dressed and half awake. Natasha followed close behind, alert but with her gun pointed to the ground.

"Jarvis was going crazy with-"

But Aithusa had no mind to pay any attention to whatever the engineer was saying. He could vaguely tell that Natasha was shushing him, but his mind belonged only to one.

The albino's gray blue eyes were trained on Merlin, on his scrunched-up brow and pained features. Aithusa's heart broke then as he heard Merlin's quiet sobbing, face smushed against the pillow. Aithusa's breath shuddered.

"It's-" The albino swallowed hard. "It's going to be fine. It's going to be fine," he said, making his words as soft and comforting as he could.

He placed a gentle hand on the sorcerer's shoulder and Merlin's skin rippled outwards in a wave of scales which disappeared once the wave had passed. Merlin gasped, his eyes tightly closed as a small cry escaped his lips. Aithusa yanked his hand back and held it mortified against his chest.

The dragon knelt on the floor when new tears pooled in Merlin's eyes. The sorcerer held himself tightly and Aithusa knew, by the long years they had shared and the soul-linking bond that connected them, that Merlin was in agony.

"Aithusa, what's happening? What can we do to help?" Natasha's quiet voice appeared beside him, startling the blond.

He turned back to his lord, who was so lost in his pain he probably didn't know there were others in the room. Aithusa saw his skin ripple again and Merlin be wrecked with a violent shudder.

"I don't know," Aithusa croaked. "I- I don't know what to do." His pale eyes filled with tears and his voice seemed frail now when he spoke, "I've never seen this before."

A warm hand landed on his shoulder. Natasha.

"Should I call the medic back up again?" Tony asked, having walked to his side, way more awake than he'd been a couple of moments ago.

It was then that Aithusa noticed Clint waiting patiently by the door.

"I don't know if it'll be any help," the albino muttered.

Carefully, he moved his white hand towards Merlin's flushed skin. He could feel magic coming off of it, spilling outwards like a leaking faucet. But the magic felt wrong, like something diseased or poisonous was mingled within, nothing like how Aithusa normally perceived it.

Aithusa's face scrunched up as a wave of unease ran up his stomach. He threw himself to his side and barfed up the last meal he'd eaten.

"Shit!" He heard Tony cry, vomit flying quite close to his shoeless feet.

"Aithusa?" Natasha asked with an edge of concern.

"There's-" He threw up again a little bit, his long hair dangling over the mess on the floor. The spy gathered up his hair, keeping it away from the vomit as she braided it loosely.

"Thank you," he said quietly, swallowing with effort.

"There's nothing you can do to help," Aithusa said with certainty.

He felt Natasha and Tony share a look over him.

"Here," Clint crouched beside him and offered a glass of water. The albino nodded in thanks.

"We should still call the medic, just in case they can do something about it," Tony piped in, looking rather disconcertedly at the ill man. Merlin looked normal, just like any other person would, but the sight of his rippling skin and the flash of gold from beneath his closed lids was off-putting.

Aithusa stood up on shaky legs, leaning beside the medical bed, and looked with tender pain at the raven haired man.

"Believe me, it won't be of help." He lifted a hand but did not touch Merlin, he let it hover over the other's exposed flesh, the wrongness of it invading Aithusa's senses. He turned to them and said quietly, "I can tell."

"Is there anything at all we can do to make him more comfortable?" Natasha pressed

Aithusa shook his white head of hair, shiny in the low light.

"Leave me with him. We need to be alone," he studied Merlin for a moment, eyes pensive.

The Avengers shared one last meaningful look between them.

"If you need us we'll be close," Natasha said, squeezing his shoulder comfortingly.

~.~.~.~

"I feel like a castle wall fell on me," was the first thing Merlin muttered when he woke up.

Aithusa chuckled halfheartedly.

"What happened?" the sorcerer asked weakly, opening his eyes to find Aithusa's pale face close to his.

"M'not sure. Your gift was… doing something to your body."

Merlin hummed, as if things were clearer to him now.

"Yeah, I think they triggered something when they were experimenting."

He said it so lightly but the words made Aithusa's stomach churn. There had been a thought in his mind, a somewhat unpleasant one, he did not have any hopes for it. But after last night he was not willing to keep his words to himself anymore.

"Ambrose…" Aithusa bit the inside of his lip slightly, bracing himself and still pondering, but he let the thought go with an exhale. "I think I can help you."

Merlin shifted slightly, turning his body as best as he could towards Aithusa, who sat on the chair by the bed.

"What do you mean?" Merlin asked.

"I think I can help, with what's happening with your gift. I dunno… realign it. I was sensing it last night, it…" 'It feels wrong,' he didn't say, 'it makes my skin crawl. It makes me feel disgusted.' But he said none of these things, instead he raised his hand to brush Merlin's wavy hair softly. "It does not feel normal."

Merlin nodded understandingly. "I suspected… How bad is it?" He asked quite calmly.

"It's… it's not good," Aithusa said, not willing to express how truly terrible he actually thought it was.

Merlin sighed, a little less composed than he had been, but he still seemed unsurprised.

"Alright. We can try out whatever you want once we get out of here," Merlin conceded as he closed his eyes. He already looked exhausted from the short amount of time he'd been up.

Aithusa straightened, his dragon lord's words raising him into a state of alert. Already that statement provided two very present problems. None of which were going to help Aithusa with the following conversation.

"Ambrose, I don't think you're well enough to move. I… I think it could get really bad if we did."

Merlin frowned at his dragon, puzzling.

"Merlin," he mouthed, the words trapped in his throat from the commands for the knowledge of cameras and recording devices he knew were probably around. But the sorcerer was looking right at him. "You need help now."

Merlin looked thoughtful now, but Aithusa could not give him time to think of a solution before he raised the other problem.

"And I don't think I can help in this form," Aithusa finally said, serene once the words left him.

Merlin's blue eyes sharpened onto him.

"I know what you're going to say, I know what you feel, but… you can't deny me this."

Already Merlin was shaking his head.

"Listen to me." Without meaning to his fingers tightened around his dragonlord's hair, getting a wince out of Merlin. Aithusa muttered a heartfelt apology before continuing. "You need this Merlin. You need help and you need it now and I cannot do it like this," he gestured at himself sharply.

"No, Aithusa, we can't do that, we'll figure something else out."

"What? What could we possibly figure out? To find some random helpful artifact? A unicorn? A kind soul out there who just so happens to be able to contend with your gifts?" It hurt to say, but it was true. "I think any king could rise from a lake before that happened on time."

Merlin winced at the comment, knowing perfectly well what his dragon meant. The albino pressed his lips but didn't take it back.

"No," Merlin shook his head, eyes resolute.

"Ambrose please, let me help you," he begged. "I don't… I think you're going to get worse if we don't do anything soon. What's happening to you, it's… it's not natural."

"Aithusa I'm not willing to put us at risk just so you can maybe help with what's going on with me."

"I can, I know I can."

"Even if you're right, it won't change my decision."

"Please, please Ambrose," AIthusa stressed, finding his lord's hands and squeezing hard. "Please let me heal you. Please, please, I'm begging you," Aithusa's voice was wet with sudden tears as he brought up Merlin's hand to the side of his face.

A thought crept into his mind then, dreadful and awful tasting. But Merlin's face had gone soft, ready to comfort his dragon and the albino could not let him go on knowing what the next words out of his mouth would be.

"We could do it here," he ventured, "out from the sight of anyone else."

"Here?" Merlin laughed lightly, genuinely surprised by the suggestion. "What are you even saying?" he asked with good humor.

"This could be a good place for me to heal you."

Merlin frowned, confused. "That's not even funny. What, you want these heroes to come barreling in when their machines start going crazy? You want to be a dragon inside a skyscraper?" He asked with incredulity, voice painted with irony.

Aithusa swallowed.

"Aithusa, there's literally no place you can turn to a dragon without-"

"They already know," Aithusa cut him off. "They already know we're different."

They looked at each other in the sudden silence of the room. Merlin tugged his hand away from Aithusa's grip.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, not yet fully realizing the meaning of Aithusa's words.

"I- I was desperate. I needed to find you. I couldn't leave you alone while I knew you-"

"Aithusa, what did you do?" Merlin whispered with hash desperation.

"N-nothing much!" he tried going for his dragonlord's hand again but Merlin didn't let him. Instead, the sorcerer forced himself into a sitting position. The movement dragged a slight pained grunt from him.

"No," Merlin said with rising anger, trapping him beneath his flaming gaze. "You said they already know."

"Yes, but-"

"What did you do?" his brother said pointedly and cold.

Aithusa wet his lips. "I needed to save you."

"Tell me."

"Ambr-"

"Tell me now," he hissed.

"They know we have magic," Aithusa confessed.

Merlin sucked in a breath.

"That's it," the dragon lied.

"I can't believe you," Merlin said dumbfounded. "After everything- Why would you do something like that?" The sorcerer's voice broke with quiet anger.

"Why-" The albino looked at him with incredulity. Then, long dormant anger rose within him as well. "Why would I do something like that?" His voice broke with ire. "Are you serious? Are you for real now, Ambrose? Are you really asking that of me?" He lost his breath for a moment. And then he hissed, more dragon than he had been in a long while. "How dare you ask such a thing? You above all know why. Especially after what you've commanded me!"

Guilt came into Merlin's eyes, washing away the anger but Aithusa did not stop.

"You know better than anyone what it is to harbor this fear. What did you want me to do!?" His voice wavered with renewed tears. "Just leave you?"

"Yes! That's exactly what I wanted," Merlin shouted.

"How stupid are you? How self-absorbed do you have to be? You do this out of- out of fear of losing me. Do you not think I would do exactly the same for the exact same reasons?"

Merlin opened his mouth but Aithusa did not let him speak.

"I would do that. I would do that and so much more. I would do anything to keep you safe." Aithusa sobbed and looked down for a moment. "If you die… it's just me. Me alone. Forever. And I can't lose you. I can't, it would break me. If you die, I'll die for sure."

"Don't say that," Merlin's eyes burned as they bore into him. "Never say that again."

"Then let me heal you," he raised his glassy eyes. "Ambrose-"

"I'm not letting you heal me," Merlin crooked.

"Why does it matter anyway?" Aithusa half whined "They know we're different. Just- just let me do this. We can trust them Ambrose, I know it."

"I can't-" Merlin shook his head. "Them knowing something is different still leaves ample room for other things. All of them are different. But not like us." In his eyes was a warning. 'Not like you,' they said. 'Not able to forge Indestructible swords, deft deadly poison, or heal almost any ailment.'

"My lord," Aithusa wailed softly. He bowed his head on the bed, tears spilling boundless. "My lord please."

Weak arms gathered around his shoulders and pulled him up. Aithusa went willingly, helping along with his weight until his face rested over his lord's chest.

"Please, please I'm begging you. Let me heal you."

"I'm sorry my sun. I'll not allow it."

And with that last statement Merlin buried his head in his dragon's white locks.

~.~.~.~

When Tony had first seen Ambrose in the flesh he had felt a rush of empathy for him. He looked quite young. He was thin as a rail and seemed not much stronger. It also didn't help that he was tied to a bed and delirious with pain.

Tony had felt sorry and his heart fill with pity as Ambrose crawled across the floor of the experimentation lab, scared and desperate to get away. A heavy-looking half-stone, half-mechanical collar encircling his neck like a common dog. A helpless creature that couldn't recognize anymore when it was being helped.

He didn't feel like that anymore.

Tony could observe through live footage what was happening in the small but well-equipped medical room they had in the upper levels of the Avengers Tower. That is, so long as Aithusa wasn't in the same room as Ambrose. Which was 95% of the time. And that was estimating toward the lower numbers.

So he stood outside the somewhat frosted glass walls of the medical room. The pattern design made it possible to look inside through a couple of clear looking lines in the glass.

Tony could see Aithusa begging to the man. What about? He didn't know. Whatever it was, it made his blood boil with a vengeance. It was clear that, whatever was going on, Ambrose was denying something to Aithusa. And poor Aithusa he… he was literally crying to the son of a bitch, begging on his chest like he was some sort of king.

When they had rescued Ambrose, Natasha had ever so smartly suggested not taking the collar off the man, to which both Tony and Clint had argued about.

'He may be hurt now but if he's as dangerous as Aithusa said it wouldn't be smart,' she'd said, and she was right, of course she was. But the men had been tempted to keep on arguing the point, taken by their emotions as they were. But as soon as Aithusa had seen Ambrose his eyes had filled with tears instead of relief. He'd tried to rip the collar with his bare hands but couldn't no matter how much he pulled and scratched.

'We'll take it off. It's okay Aithusa, you can't do it on your own.' It was Natasha who had finally spoken, driven to pity just as them.

'I can, I can,' Aithusa had cried with desolate certainty until they had finally managed to take the chunky thing off.

And now Aithusa cried again while Ambrose acted just as hurt as the other and buried his face into the albino's white locks.

Tony couldn't bear it anymore. He turned away.

~.~.~.~

They wore each other out until Merlin fell asleep again. He looked miserable and wretched. Aithusa was torn between worry and anger. But the worry ate up at the anger whenever it rose. And rise it did. Over and over like an all consuming wave.

The medical bed was barely big enough for the both of them but Aithusa didn't care as he forced himself into the space and made some for himself. He was extremely careful at all times about how he moved his body around Merlin's. Every move he made was smooth and graceful until he was curled as best as he could around his dragonlord's limp frame.

He wanted to be a cat, so he could wrap himself beneath Merlin's neck or rest over his chest. He wanted his body, the one he was born with, big and strong so he could protect his dragon lord and never again let anything happen to Merlin.

He felt useless and pathetic. The memory of being small and unable to move sparked inside his mind like a flare, robbing him of breath. He mushed his face against Merlin's neck, seeking comfort from the dark moment.

He could do nothing. Right then there was nothing he could do, nothing but warm Merlin's body and imagine himself capable of protecting him if push came to shove.

Bodies flushed together as they were, Aithusa could feel more than ever how wrong Merlin was. Now that he had captured the feeling, he could tell it was draining him. A fountain spilling water outwards on and on but not getting any of it back.

And the water, Aithusa could tell, was poisoned.

~.~.~.~

The rain tickled out the window in a constant pitter-patter while the heart monitor ticked by, marking the passage of time as both dragon and sorcerer rested in the small bed. They did not sleep though, but coexisted in the silence and the air between them as they had done for centuries.

Tony had offered to get them a bigger bed, if rather uncomfortably. Aithusa was sure the man imagined something unsavory was going on between them, but it couldn't be helped. Kindly, the albino had refused, quickly letting the avenger out of his misery. The small space was fine. They were used to it. It was not the first time they'd had to share such a small sleeping space, and it wouldn't be the last. And anyway, even if there was space, they would probably end up as they were, in times like these space between them was the last thing either of them wanted.

Aithusa sat up, arranging himself so he was sitting crisscrossed on the bed, facing his dragonlord.

"Ambrose," he said quietly, seriously.

The dragon lord's eyes were sharp on him, but soft with affection. A subtle look in his eyes that prompted the dragon to go on.

"Ambrose you're ill," Aithusa said seriously. "You're not… you're not well. I can feel it. You must feel it too."

Merlin pressed his lips together at the coming topic. They'd been fighting about this for a couple of days now, he should've expected it would come up again throughout the day.

Merlin sighed tiredly, "I know Aithusa. I can feel it. But it hanges nothing."

"It does! It does change things." The dragon took the sorcerer's hand and looked at him pleadingly. "I don't want you to be in pain. You don't have to suffer needlessly!"

"It doesn't matter," Merlin insisted, giving a gentle squeeze to the white hand.

"It does you infuriating bastard. It does when what you're going through is agonizing."

For a moment that stopped the discussion. They looked at each other, knowingly. There was so much more to their bond than just a closeness to them. It was a deep feeling of connection, of being more than your own self.

"I'm sorry Aithusa. I can't let you do that," Merlin said hoarsely. Before the albino could retort though, he went on. "It doesn't matter how much you trust these people, Aithusa. Or how good they've been to us so far. The hearts of men fall so easily. How are you to know they won't come into temptation once they know more about what you can do?"

It was their age-old argument and Aithusa had it very present in his mind. The things they could do were beyond belief and the human mind opened once they actually knew. The dragon wasn't naive, he had experienced it time and time again, either fear or greed. Perfect health. Terrible destruction. And that was just Aithusa, what Merlin could do? What Merlin could do could destroy kingdoms in a night.

Aithusa swallowed. The Avengers already knew that. And despite the fact they hadn't acted yet on that knowledge, he didn't trust that fact alone to reveal it to his dragonlord. If Merlin was angry now, he would be beyond furious if he knew what Aithusa had to reveal to get the hero's help.

"Fine then! Let's just go! Let's go far away under a deep dark cave. I'll find some way to get you there safely. Let me change for five minutes, I'll heal you as fast as I can and everything can go back to normal."

Merlin shook his head, not even bothering to reply then.

"Why do you have to be so stubborn in this?" the dragon asked pained.

Aithusa was sure, as sure as he knew the sun rose every morning, that if it were his life in the line and changing into his true form was the only way of saving him, Merlin would not hesitate a second before turning him draconic.

"If it matters that much to you we can leave. I could just finish the job those bloody bastards started," Merlin said with quiet softness.

Aithusa did not know if he had a soul like the humans talked about, but in that moment, he swore something of the like left his body.

"What are you talking about?" He asked breathlessly, sure he had misunderstood.

"I'll just reset, and it'll be a blank sleight. It's downright easy to be in good health again. It doesn't have to be a big deal."

"Don't say that," Aithusa struggled to swallow.

"I'm- You're right," Merlin conceded seriously. "I'm not well at all. And at this rate… I think it'll be to die now or die later." He looked seriously into his dragon's eyes.

"You can get better," Aithusa growled, grabbing painfully at Merlin's arm, digging in his nails into the soft flesh.

"It's not going to make a difference, Thusa," Merlin said in his soft voice, the one he used when he wanted to comfort the albino.

Aithusa shook his head vehemently, wordless but so full of feeling he could not express.

"It'd be easier." Merlin looked away. "I can just die and it doesn't have to be a big deal. What would be the difference anyhow?"

Aithusa's breath left him. His eyes filled with tears.

"You don't mean that," he said hoarsely. "You- you don't mean that."

Merlin did not turn to him, instead, his eyes, cold and void of any discernible emotion, kept away from the albino.

"Ambrose?" Aithusa's voice cracked.

But Merlin said nothing.

"Take it back. Please take your words back, please."

Merlin's eyes shifted back towards the wretched face of his dragon.

"Take it back. Take it back right now! Why would you say something so horrid? As if you didn't care for your own life. As if you don't know what you mean to me."

"Does it make any difference if it happens sooner than later, my sun?"

"Yes! It makes all the difference in the world to me to see you die again one more time when I can stop it."

"It's not permanent."

A sob escaped Aithusa.

"Don't say that," the albino whispered. "Your life is not a- a set of trading cards you can just exchange on a whim. When I see you die… when I feel you vanish from your mortal form, even when it's just for a moment… I feel the world die with you. My heart breaks. And when it's weeks and still you don't return? It always feels like it'll be the last time."

"It won't."

"I hurt when you die, Merlin. My heart shatters. I care too much about you. And you should care about yourself as well. I know how it hurts you when it happens. Why would you let it willingly happen? Why would you want to break your heart and my heart along with you?"

Aithusa was torn between anger and hurt and desperation. Lifting his nails off Merlin's skin only to sink them back down again in indecision.

"Don't you care for your life?" he asked hoarsely.

Something tawed in Merlin's eyes, allowing shame to trickle softly back in.

"I'm sorry Aithusa," he looked down ashamed.

"Don't be sorry. Just take it back."

Merlin looked up, eyes sorry and sad.

"It won't change my decision," he said.

"I know," Aithusa sobbed, "just take it back. Tell me you don't mean it. Tell me you don't want to die."

"I'm sorry Aithusa." Merlin hugged the man against his chest. "I'm sorry for what I said. I take it back."

Aithusa crushed his dragonlord despairingly, because he knew, he knew Merlin had chosen not to use the words 'I don't want to die,' because given the chance Merlin would choose to do so in a heartbeat.

Still, for now, it would have to be enough for him that his kin had taken back his words. He would push the subject no further for now.

Abril: Well would you look at that, I finally posted, how would've thunk? Hehehe. I'm… really sorry about that. But it was so hard getting on track with this chapter, I hope the rest won't be as bad but I'm not optimistic. I'm still having trouble with something in the story, I wrote myself into a corner and I DON'T want to just hand wave it away, okay? So please, I hope you enjoyed this big boy and continue being patient with me 🙏 I WILL finish the story. Hopefully in the coming months and not next year.

Remember that comments are the daily nourishment of writers, so leave us a good bit of food so we can be healthy and sustained :D