TRIGGER WARNING: this story deals with conversion therapy and explores the trauma associated with it and the healing afterwards. I do not believe in conversion therapy and I find it a deplorable practice and I can't even imagine the pain and horror that people have experienced. To anyone who has been through this, or knows anyone who has gone through this I am so very sorry. This story by no means is meant to offend anyone, and if it does I deeply apologize. I struggled with the concept of the story as I am on the LGBTQ+ spectrum myself, but could not get it out of my head. This is loosely based off of an episode of the Netflix series "Haunted" that covers conversion therapy. This chapter does not have explicit mention of abuse or anything. But I will be including this warning at the beginning of every chapter.
Characters are OOC. Mostly as we never got to see how the Marauders interacted with each other at Hogwarts or at all. This is my own interpretation on how they might have interacted while at Hogwarts.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing! All Characters and anything else referenced is owned by she-who-must-not-be-named.
The next few days passed relatively uneventfully, with James continuing to plant small harmless pranks for other students to try to make Sirius laugh. Or at least smile a little. It unnerved him how quiet and withdrawn the boy had been all term but even more so since his outburst at Remus the other day. Sirius had not spoken to them other than short, yes or no responses since. If any of them mentioned it he shut down completely.
One night before dinner James had collected Remus, Lily, and Peter and snuck out to the Room of Requirement to have a discussion on what they should do about Sirius. He was becoming extremely worried about his best friend.
"Okay so I can't be the only one who has noticed how...not Sirius, Sirius has been this term so far…." James started, also realizing the play on words but choosing not to dwell on that for right now. "I've been hoping he would talk to us on his own and I'm all for giving him time to do so if he wishes to however I'm really starting to get worried about him. It's not like him to just blow up like that and even when we manage to get a laugh or a smile out of him it doesn't reach his eyes."
"I agree… Something isn't right with him. But what can we do? If he doesn't talk to us how can we help him? How are we supposed to know what happened?" Peter asked out of the four of them present, he was the one that was the least likely to confront Sirius about the summer. It wasn't necessarily that he didn't care. He just wasn't one to look for conflict as much as the rest of the Marauders. James looked over at him for a moment before looking back over to Remus and Lily for their takes.
"I want to believe he would tell us what happened when he is ready to… and I would like to give him a chance at that. However. It really isn't like him to lose his cool like that. He's hiding something… and whatever it is its big." Remus inputs. He was arguing with himself about whether they should confront Sirius together about what had happened or if it would be better if only one of them did so when they were alone where no one else could hear.
"I think we should ask him flat out what he's hiding. Get to the bottom of it so we can help him." James blurts out before anyone else has a chance to pitch in. Lily shook her head.
"No. If we all come at him as a group and ask it won't end well. It'll seem too much like we are attacking him. Too much pressure and he might shut down. I think if we are going to ask him flat out it should be just one of us. But I'm not sure if flat out asking him is the best thing to do at this point though I also don't think he's going to just tell us. How much time is enough time to give him to trust us enough to share. I agree, he's hiding something. Just… I don't want to completely ruin his trust in us by forcing it out of him." She shook her head again. She truly came to care for the other teen. He was like a brother to her, and it pained her to see him hurting.
James began to pace across the room, he wished he could just read Sirius' mind and know what had happened. "Okay. Let's go over what we do know. Maybe that will help us figure out what to ask. If we can pinpoint where he's hiding things from." Lily suggests, sensing James was just a little overwhelmed by worry over their friend. "Do you think that would help James?"
James paused in his pacing, turning to face her and nodded. It was a place to start at least. Lily and Remus always were the smartest of the group, and the most sensible. Remus pulled some pillows over to act as chairs from the corner and the group sat in a cluster to brainstorm.
"So we do know he disappeared this summer without a trace. No letters, no warning, nothing. Right? And then he shows up on the train like nothing happened." James starts, picking anxiously at his robes. Remus and Peter nod, agreeing. "And when we asked what had happened he said his parents had found out about him and didn't react well. Which is to be expected from the Blacks. That's not out of the ordinary. He told us they locked him up all summer and wouldn't let him out or let him write. Which again…isn't completely out of the ordinary but…" James pauses again, not sure how best to word his thoughts.
"It seemed too…vague. Too, for lack of better terms, convenient." Remus spoke up, sensing what James was trying to get at. .He didn't want to believe Sirius had lied to them but it was a little off how quickly he had stated that his parents had locked him up. His parents had tried that in the past and it had never stopped him before. Why now? The group sat in silence for a moment, processing that their friend may have lied to them but unsure how to proceed.
"Okay. So that's what we know. But…the question is do we confront him about it now? Or do we give him more time to tell us on his own?" Peter pipes in. "Personally…as much as I want to know what happened like you guys I don't think pushing him at this moment would be helpful."
"Wow wormtail that's the most I've heard you speak regarding Padfoot recently. I'm proud of you." James jokes, needing the mood to lighten just a little bit. Peter rolled his eyes, slightly annoyed.
"James. Knock it off." Lily chides gently, though its obvious in her eyes she's not completely serious about it. She knows James is having a hard time with Sirius' lack of himself. "I do happen to see Peter's point as well. While I also want to know what's wrong so we can move forward with helping him I fear if we push him too much about it right now we will only push him away. We all know what happens when he's left to his own devices sometimes."
"Bad things. But…what if he never tells us? What if he just wastes away in his own mind and we did nothing to try to help him? What kind of friends are we then?" James responded, torn. He also saw Peter's point, and knowing Sirius if he isn't ready to talk about something he will not talk about something.
"I have to say I agree with Peter and Lils James. I don't want to push him away by trying to force him to tell us if he's not ready. But I don't want to let it sit too long. What if we gave it…another Month. Don't look at me like that I know it's a long time…but whatever happened must be bad if he's shutting down like this. And whatever it is isn't going to take a couple days to get over. We have already seen that. But I think if we set a timeframe, let him come to us, and then if he still hasn't by then, then we ask about it." Remus suggests. He figures a month, would be at least a little more feasible of a timeframe for them to try to help Sirius regain comfort within them and maybe open up.
"I think that's a fair compromise. What do you think James?" Lily says softly, placing a hand on James' shoulder. James sighs softly but nods.
"But if he hasn't opened up…at least a little by the end of that month we ask him flat out." He starts before noting Lily's raised eyebrow. "Ok fine. We confront him about it gently."
Lily nods assuringly before standing. "Then we are decided. We should head down to dinner before we're missed." She suggests.
The group nods and stands as well, making their way out of the room of requirement and down to the Great Hall for dinner. Sirius is already seated at their table when they arrive. He glances up at them as they approach and sit down surrounding him. He nods in greeting as he puts some food on his plate, not as much as he usually would but enough to fend off any worried questions.
"So Peter, you were telling us earlier about the garden gnomes your parents found in their planters?" Remus asks, picking a relatively safe topic to discuss.
"Oh yeah! It's a strange place for garden gnomes right? Usually they'd be in actual gardens. But mum was working in the planters and as she dug in to plant some petunias one stuck his head right out. Right about bloody gave her a heart attack it did." Peter said, taking the bait. "I don't think I've ever heard her scream so loud. I swear the neighbors thought she had been hexed."
"Who would hex poor Sabrina." James asked rhetorically. "Now tell us the truth. Did you plant those gnomes?"
"No! I did not! I had to clean them out though." Peter laughed, shoving James' shoulder slightly. Remus rolled his eyes a bit at the gesture while Lily just sighed at James' question. "though that does sound like something you would do Prongs." Peter joked.
"Oh definitely. Alas. 'twas not me. Unfortunately. I don't even think I could pull it off at this point now because it's already been done." James sighed, a little disappointed.
"Like that's stopped you before." Sirius commented before he could stop himself. It was a little too easy to slip into their typical joking he found tonight. It surprised him, he had not been planning on talking much until he got over the embarrassment of losing it in front of them. Though he had to admit, it did feel kind of nice to just exist like they did last year. "Remember that time you hid those screaming rocks in the greenhouse for Sprout to find? I'm pretty sure I did the same thing the year prior."
"That was you!? Oh that poor woman…I could have sworn she was about to go insane everytime one would be set off! And then when it happened again last year I swear she almost cried." Lily exclaimed.
James laughed, Peter joining in softly despite Remus and Lily's looks of disapproval. Sirius even let out a chuckle.
"Oh come on Lils it was harmless! She eventually found them all!" Sirius defended them. The herbology professor had in fact found all of the screaming rocks but it had taken the entire year both years. The two had chosen random rocks throughout all of the greenhouses and charmed them to scream at random intervals. It had taken a while for her to stop jumping out of her skin everytime one went off. Though the students never stopped that. The first time one went off that second year the woman had about broken into tears as she had thought she had finally found the last one near the end of last term. Sirius and James didn't dare repeat that one a third year in a row. They had initially planned on setting their sights on a different professor this year. But they hadn't had the chance to plan yet.
Lily shook her head, sighing. What was she going to do with the group of mischievous boys. Though she was happy to hear Sirius laughing a little again. The others also noticed she saw and they were even more encouraged by that to give Sirius more time to come to them about what had happened over the summer.
Dinner passed without incident, the group joked and told stories about previous pranks and such to keep the mood up. Most of the group was relieved that at least for now it seemed that Sirius was back in better spirits, closer to his normal. They went upstairs after dinner and sat in the common room playing exploding snap for a while before retiring to bed for the evening, deciding that tonight was going to be a break from homework as the next assignment they had wasn't due for a few more days. They counted tonight as a small win and they weren't about to let homework ruin that. They'd take things one day at a time and hopefully learn what was bothering their friend soon.
Hope you enjoyed. Sorry it took so long to update. As I said, it might take me a while to update however I am determined to complete this story as I get inspiration to write. Again, this story is not meant to offend anyone and if it does I deeply apologize. I will continue to put trigger warnings on every chapter as well as a little bit about what the chapter itself deals with so anyone who may be triggered by something has the chance to stop reading or skip if need be. No hard feelings.