So...I'm kind of on a roll with this story and today I had been struggling with some kind of bug on Fictionpress that wasn't letting me upload any new documents and all of a sudden got resolved and I posted two chapters that had been waiting today so since I got two original fiction chapters posted today I'm gonna now post some fanfiction, particularly since I got the inspiration for this chapter really going in my head, and this chapter...Is really just getting into Ichabod's head space since the previous two chapters have just been Marzipan's POV and obviously it's not pretty I'm gonna try to keep this as family friendly as possible but very heavily implying that this can lead to something very dangerous if something isn't done about it soon...I've been dealing with a cold these past few days and intrusive thoughts so while this may not seem like the best thing to write in my situation this is kind of cathartic as I am exploring some things I've never experienced like being in a relationship and also exploring that masculine state of mind as this chapter is about how Ichabod feels unworthy as a man,
Rage…
It was becoming more and more hard not to feel rage every time he saw his reflection in the bathroom mirror, Ichabod quickly splashed more water into his eyes to distract himself but once again he couldn't help but turn to the scowling face he saw in the mirror...His ugly human face...Uglier than most humans...Even before Ichabod had come to see Humanimals and other Animal People as more beautiful than humans Ichabod had known wasn't attractive the Native Kids of Alderbaren called him 'Scarecrow Boy' for a reason...As his relationship with Marzipan began to blossom for the first time he began to feel there was someone who saw him as beautiful and he began to think he was beautiful in his own way...But that Tomcat Kevin had shattered that blissful feeling and now it was worse than before...Every imperfection now seemed worse than before!
Looking at his reflection with his bulbous turnip nose and chin that was too small and the bulbous Adam's apple in his throat Ichabod felt every day he wanted more and more to smash the mirror but thinking about doing that also made him think about not only how painful that would be but how much of a mess that would make to have to clean up all those glass shards and probably his own blood...How that he would hate to make such a mess in his beautiful Earthport apartment…
Ugh...There he was being his usual Neatfreak self again! His obsession with tidiness preventing him from letting loose his passion the way he imagined a strong Humanimal would! Persnickety...Worrywart...It was clear it was more than just his body that wasn't attractive! He was as thrilling as the cleaning supplies you keep under the kitchen sink! Honestly what did Marzipan ever see in him in the first place?!
And unfortunately a recent confession from Marzipan a few months ago something she had been scared to admit before now kind of made things worse and the worst possible time...While she had remembered him from the time they spoke to each other from the caves that acted like walkie-talkies for their two planets Alderbaren and Mizzer as apparently their two home planets had been connected at one point while trauma cased by a fire had caused him to forget those memories until she sang a song to him that caused those repressed memories to resurface...But back to the point while she remembered him as that secret friend, that voice coming from the other side of the cave when he did his infiltration of Duke Vortex's castle to rescue all the Humanimal Slaves who were still not totally broken by the insane Robot Lord at the time that's all she thought of him as...As a friend...It was upon rescue that she realized the Fellow Mizzer Humanimals who had been her closest companions during her enslavement were going to split up and find new lives on Earth and she would be all alone on an unfamiliar planet that she had basically...Pretended to be more interested in Ichabod than she actually was as the previous night he had confessed he loved her more than he had ever loved anyone before and fully expecting her not to reciprocate, but she gave him his first kiss because she was scared of being alone...Because her companions had not truly become a Humanimal Herd like she had learned from the born and bred slave Humanimals she had attached herself to Ichabod to become part of the Fellowship Crew become part of his Humanimal Herd and be we someone she was familiar with and could trust...While during that confession she said she did at the time felt she would fall more in love with him in time and turned out she was right and at the time Ichabod accepted that confession knowing Humanimals particularly Humanimals with the 'Gaia's Touch' learning disability don't always feel emotions the same ways humans do now after what had happened...He felt she had only been with him out of fear of being alone because she hadn't yet discovered her true power as a mage...After what he had seen her do...She realized she was so strong, so powerful...What did she possibly need him for? Something so weak in comparison?
It was clear she stayed with him purely out of habit, because he was what she was used to...But Kevin's words about how she would be better off with her own kind were like nasty little Devils with pitchforks buzzing inside his mind tormenting him with the question of 'What if?' What if a Humanimal could have been the one to save the Humanimals in Castle Vortex? Would Marzipan really have been happier with a male of her own kind if that had been the one who saved her...And so tormented by that question...Ichabod felt that unless he could find the thing that he as a human could give her that a Humanimal couldn't...That really the best thing he could do for her was let her find someone more worthy of her love!
So this probably took place earlier that day before Marzipan went to her first Mizzer club, but kind of could happen at any time, really liked that this chapter was kind of just a rambling in Ichabod's mind