I had managed to avoid Dumbledore for 5 days after what happened at the Ministry. I hadn't been attending meals in the great hall. I'd hardly eaten at all. My last class of the year had just left for the end of term feast and, I was lazily flicking my wand at the books that they had so helpfully just left scattered around the classroom when I heard a gentle knock on the open door. I looked up and saw him standing there looking at me with such pity in his eyes that I couldn't even stand to look at him.

"I don't want to talk." I said coldly as I continued to flick my wand to make the books fly into piles.

"Meghana," he said softly stepping into the room and approaching me "I know what you're going through,"

"Don't!" I snapped, refusing to look at him.

"You can't keep hiding away from this" Dumbledore said still in that infuriating soft tone, as though he was talking to someone very sick. "It will ultimately make it worse when you face it."

A rage I hadn't felt in a while rose in me and I resisted the growing urge to throw something at him.

"Then tell me Albus, how do I face this? How do I breathe? I'm suffocating without him-" my voice broke and I looked away from him. I gripped the desk in front of me feeling as though I was losing the ability to stand, hating that he was so calm while my whole world was once again crumbling around me. "I can still see and hear him so clearly," I managed to gasp out.

Dumbledore said nothing, just continued to stand there watching me sadly. The rage that was burning throughout my body turned to self loathing and I trembled as I tried to contain it.

"I failed him," I said quietly and I closed my eyes trying and failing to stop the tears from falling. "All those wasted years!" I spat "Only thinking of myself and the Ministry-," My breath caught in my throat rendering me unable to continue.

"Meg," Dumbledore said quietly with a slight break in his voice "I am the one that must accept responsibility for Sirius' death," He paused and stepped forwards and gently touched my arm "And I am sorry, the love you two shared was so pure-"

"And I risked it all and lost everything," I interrupted him opening my eyes and staring at the pile of books stacked neatly in front of me still refusing to look at him.

Dumbledore's hand left my arm and he sighed.

"You still have your promise to Lily to keep fighting for." He said gently.

The sound of Lily's name somehow eased the burning pain I was feeling inside ever so slightly and I looked up at Dumbledore and after a pause I nodded slowly.

"Sirius would want you to keep living," he said. A sharp pain stabbed my heart at the sound of his name and I flicked my wand at the books to make them fly up onto the shelves, just to stop myself from being overcome with grief.

What would Dumbledore know what Sirius would have wanted? I thought bitterly to myself.

"Professor?" Harry's voice came from behind Dumbledore.

Dumbledore spun around and beamed at Harry.

"Harry!" he said pleasantly "to what do we owe the pleasure?"

"I - I just wanted to see if Professor Megera was ok" He said quietly.

I looked at Harry as another book went flying into the bookcase neatly next to the others, I felt a slight a frown appear on my face but I said nothing.

How did he think I was feeling? I didn't know how to put into words howI was feeling. And even if I did have the words, I couldn't utter them. That would make it too real. That would mean that Sirius had once again left me all alone. I looked away from Harry again as I continued to make the books fly into the bookcase. He was the last person I wanted to see right now, the constant reminder of everything I had lost.

"Well, I'll leave you two to talk, and I'll see you both at the

feast shortly," Dumbledore smiled at me and then at Harry before he swept out of the classroom.

Harry took a few steps towards me after a beat and said

quietly "I'm sorry, Professor."

I didn't look at him but said more curtly than I meant "What for?" as the last book of the pile flew up into the bookcase.

"If I had just tried harder with Occlumency, I wouldn't have

fallen for Voldemort's trick and Sirius wouldn't have had to come after me and …" Harry's voice cracked as he quickly spoke.

I didn't speak straight away but closed my eyes and shook my head, feeling guilty that in my own crushing grief I had forgotten that Harry loved Sirius as well and that he had just lost the closest thing to a father he had ever known.

I swallowed down a sob that was threatening to break as I turned to look at Harry, fighting hard to keep the tears in my eyes from falling.

"Honey, you did nothing wrong," I said softly. I took a breath before continuing, a tear escaping my eye "Sirius would have done anything to keep you safe-" I reached out and touched his face and felt him lean into my touch "-and some things are worth dying for."

We looked at each other for a beat, consumed in our grief before I dropped my hand from his face and said "You'd better get to the feast. Take care over the summer and I'm sure I'll see you soon."

*

I knew he was here as soon as I walked into my place. I didn't even take off my cloak as I quickly ascended the 3 flights of stairs to my bedroom.

I opened the door and saw him sitting on my bed and looked over at me grinning.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, smiling despite myself.

"I wondered when you'd be getting home," he said.

I shrugged, pulling off my cloak and laying it over a chair, "Last day of the year is always busy,"

"Hey, remember that night before Lily and James went into hiding?" Sirius said standing up and walking over to me, "and James and I went to the Leaky Cauldron-"

"And you both got so drunk that I had to come down and get you both?" I finished for him "how could I forget?" I smiled as he chuckled and took my hands in his.

"Remember how angry you were?" He continued "and you told me you'd never speak to me again?"

I smiled again looking into his grey eyes "Well, that didn't last, did it?" I said.

"And the next night you told me what Lily had asked of you," he went on peering into my face as I dropped my gaze, realising where this was going.

"That I would always protect Harry," I said quietly, tears filling my eyes.

"We both promised," he said gently touching my face and l lent into his hand not even trying to stop the tears from falling from my eyes.

"I can't do this without you," I whispered.

"I love you," he said taking his hand from my face and leaning his forehead on mine "and I will always be with you but you have to wake up,"

My eyes snapped open and, taking in my surroundings I realised that I had fallen asleep at my desk at Hogwarts. I lifted my head, sighing as I wiped the tears from my face. I sat back in my chair stretching my stiff neck from side to side and wondered how long I had been asleep for. The sky outside the window was black and the castle was quiet so I assumed it was quite late.

My head had started to ache, probably due to lack of food but I relished in the pain as it made me feel less numb. I stood up from my desk thinking about the dream I had just had. It felt so real and I could feel Sirius' presence and that eased my aching heart slightly.

I never wanted to step foot in 12 Grimmauld Place again but knew what I had to do. I knew what he would want me to do before anyone else found it. I sighed and looked out of the window again before slowly making my way out of the castle and to Hogsmead.

I apparated onto the top step and took a deep breath before tapping the door with my wand and watched it creak open. I hesitated for a second before entering the hallway and closing the door behind me.

"Master's blood traitor wife returns - what is she doing in my poor Mistress' house, Kreacher wonders," I looked down at the house elf who had just walked into the hallway from a room to my left. The urge to kick him in his hate filled face was almost overwhelming for his part in Sirius' death and it was all I could do to ignore him and continue on my way to the second floor drawing room. I didn't want to spend any longer in this place than I had to, and I didn't have the strength to deal with the consequences of murdering the house elf.

I pushed the door to the drawing room open and looked around at the dark room. I flicked my wand and the dirty chandelier hanging from the ceiling threw the room into an eerie dim light. I immediately found what I was looking for - the writing desk in the corner of the room by the huge window.

I tapped my wand on it and the cover flew up revealing a stack of old parchments, quills and newspaper clippings. I pushed these aside to reach the back of the desk and pointed my wand at it.

"Revelio," I whispered and a hole in the back of the dark wooden desk appeared. I reached into the hole and pulled out the envelope that I knew contained Sirius' Will. I knew this because I had written it for him only a few months ago and he had hidden it, assuring me that we wouldn't have to look for it for years. We had laughed about it as he cast the Disillusionment Charm and tears stung the back of my eyes as the memory flashed in my mind. I put the envelope inside my robe pocket and waved my wand over the desk and watched as the hole in the back covered itself back up and the desk closed itself.

I turned around and made my way out of the room as something draped over the back of a chair caught my eye. It was Sirius' coat and before I could register what was happening my feet had taken me over to it. I reached out and pulled it up to my face and inhaled deeply. It smelt like him and although I had stubbornly told myself that I didn't need or want anything of his, I pulled on the coat and instantly felt comfort from it. I wrapped it around myself, closing my eyes and pretending it was his arms around me instead. I stood there in my own imagination for a couple of minutes before reality came crashing down again and I sighed as I opened my eyes.

I exited the house without seeing Kreacher again, to my great relief and apparated across London to my own house.

Once I was lying on my bed propped up with pillows and after taking a long sip of fire whiskey, I opened the envelope containing Sirius' Will. I wasn't sure why I was doing this, in some desperate attempt to feel close to him I supposed. I took another long sip of whiskey as I slowly read the Will, even though nothing had changed from a few months ago. Everything he owned was going to Harry, including his money and the house. We had decided that I didn't need anything of his, I had every material possession and more money than I could possibly need or want. And besides, all I needed was him, not his belongings.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there staring at his signature, but before I knew it the fire whiskey bottle was empty and I vaguely heard it hit the floor before I passed out.