Fingers drumming away on his thigh, Voldemort sighed as he looked down at Harry.
"I have a body now, I can give whatever your heart most desires."
"I'll never join you!"
"Really, I have... Wormtail, get the briefcase."
"Yes, of course my Lord," the man uttered, bowing lowly before drawing a small, silver case out from behind a headstone.
"Did you- did you have that there the whole time? Why?"
"Quiet, boy. Now, what do we have here... ah!" The sound of fingers snapping echoed across the graveyard and Voldemort triumphantly drew out a small, plush dog. "Now, these... these hold incredible power and sway over muggles. With it, you can bargain for anything! With it, you can gain incredible power! I offer you..." He held it out with both hands, chin raised so that he could triumphantly look down upon Harry. "A Beanie Baby!"
"A what?"
"Do you not have an internet? I did my research, hours spent carousing the darkest corners of what muggles call the web," he spoke, words tinged with disgust. "Deep within its sordid cracks and what I am told are called chat rooms I came across this phenomenon. These tiny, unassuming things have led to many a divorce, even brawls over their innate, untouchable value. You know not the power one such things wields in its miniature, fuzzy form."
"I uh-" Harry tried to scratch his head, but failed, glancing away to remember that he was still bound hand and foot, wrist bleeding something awful.
To the side, Cedric looked on in abject horror, strapped awkwardly to a short headstone with his legs hunkered in a squat, heel slipping occasionally through the mud as he muttered beneath his breath, something that sounded awfully like, 'what the hell?'
"I don't have a computer."
"Would you like one?" Voldemort proclaimed. "Anything and everything at your disposal. All you must do is join me. You could even be my right hand man, Harry. Think of the possibilities. Look, look," he pointed at Cedric. "Even him, I offer you. You two have a... what do the children say now? A thing, is it? Men, women, anything I can offer is at your disposal."
"Uh..."
Harry and Cedric met eyes across the graveyard, and slowly Cedric leaned forward, casting a wary glance Voldemort's way before whispering, "Wait, you fancy me?"