I walk in the ground, the weather is not great, drizzling dismally but I don't care, it's even better that way. I'm so seething that the light rain cools my skin down. I walk toward the lake, I take some pebbles and I throw them furiously in it, stirring the otherwise flat surface. I walk on the pier, sitting on the edge, staring in the dark green water. Nothing discernible. There are mermaids in there. Dad saw them; they are not so lovely how muggles picture them however. I wonder how their life is. Surely better than mine.

The depth of the water hypnotises me bringing me to think how nice it would be to drown in it. To plunge down in that silence and density, where there are no words, no noise, where there is only a pallid light coming distorted from the surface. It seems appealing all of sudden. I would just need to slightly push myself and I would be in it. So tempting. So close.

A low rustle distracts me from my reverie, and I see Regina coming from the owlery, majestic and beautiful flying toward me, it lands lightly on my shoulder nudging me with her heart shaped face.

'Hello Regina' I greet her, and my voice choke slightly. I caress her soft feathers.

'Yes, I feel pretty shitty' I confess to her because sometimes I got the sensation that this owl can understand me. Isn't it funny that the only being that gives me that impression is an animal and answer the name of Regina as well? I should have chosen a different one for her… Even though they are both remarkable each in its way.

She nudges me again and it seems so much like a boost that make me laugh a bit 'Yes, I know… It's not so bad after all. You are right. I should be the happiest of the lot' I throw half-heartedly another pebble in the lake 'But I'm not. I just would like to be in a place where nobody knows me'

My owl, I swear to god, is looking at me pitifully, which embolden me in continuing 'Yes, I know, it's impossible. My name will hunt me down everywhere'

We stand there for a while allowing the drizzle to drench my clothes, on the other side they glide gracefully from Regina, dripping down from the edges of her feathers. Her beauty calms my wrecked nerves giving me a moment of rare peace.

It lasts until I look at the castle and I know I must return to it. Anguish sneaks back enveloping me like a too tight scarf. I rise heavily, trembling from the moist that reached my skin under the uniform, but I won't go yet, I have not the strength, instead I take a last look at the lake that locks me again making me slip in my hypnotic state. I stand still, glaring in it.

It would be so easy.

But then a soft hoot brings me back with a startle, my owl catches my attention with a flutter of wings. She looks at me reprovingly with a penetrating gaze.

I laugh lightly 'Ok Regina, you are right. Not a good idea. Let's get back'

The castle is quiet as everybody is in class. In the common room a few people are sitting pouring over books. Once in my room I wrench my clothes from me, folding them in a neat pile close to my bed because I can hear Aunt Hermione's words ringing in my ears to respect house elves work and make their life easier if I can.

I towel my hair and I slip in bed, enjoying the softness and the warmth. I should probably go to the next lesson, but I cannot stand the thought of entreating myself in a good mood. I feel tired and I just want to sleep in quietness for a few hours. I need something to soothe me though, something pleasant. I haven't got Ophelia anymore and for a moment I struggle to find something that may help me. I think and think, and nothing comes to my mind. Then, when I'm about to lose hope, a memory surface. During Christmas holiday I was in my room at home and couldn't sleep, it was Christmas day, we had spent it at the Burrow, it had been quite pleasant, dad was pointedly ignoring Uncle Ron, but we were all there. We always struggle very much on Christmas, but everybody tried his best and we enjoyed it in a measure. Although, when I was in bed, I found difficult to nod off, I was thinking about Lily. And then I heard a soft whimper coming from Sunrise room, almost inaudible, but her room it's close to mine and I heard it first as my door was ajar. So, I went there, and she had her eyes open full of tears, all crouched on herself squeezing tightly her plush.

I caressed her curls softened asking her what was wrong. She had a nightmare. She told me with such a scared small voice that I almost melted on the spot. I scooped her up and I brought her to my bed. I hugged her, and the contact with her tiny warm body made me feel so much better immediately. She had spoken in a low whisper just before to doze, a voice full off sleep 'I love you very much, Jamie' she said.

'I love you too, Midget' I replied.