Chapter 3

The first day inside the bunker was grueling and exhausting, emotionally draining, and traumatizing for many. Sleeping arrangements and bedroom allocation were sorted out during dinner so they all had a place to rest when the night came. Temporary council member rooms were isolated from the main area and removed from the hustle and bustle of the main corridors to allow for privacy. Marcus didn't want to be presumptuous, he didn't even know if Abby would forgive him for keeping her in the bunker, so he made sure they had two separate rooms in case that's what she wanted. Their rooms were located at the end of a long hall, side by side, the same hall, Jaha and Miller Senior also had their rooms, as well as a few other people. Altogether, about a dozen rooms, some still empty, all similar.

The hall was long and empty, identical lamps placed at regular intervals made it seem endless. Rows upon rows gave it an uncanny feeling. Abby and Marcus walked side by side in silence, their steps soft on the metal floor, almost silent. Marcus turned his head to look at Abby who walked next to him with her gaze focused on the floor. Their earlier conversation gave Marcus hope but Abby's mood turned worse during the day as she couldn't hide it any longer. She became more pensive and more removed once the realization of what had happened dawned on her. She barely spoke to him during the day and they worked separately, barely seeing one another. Abby had tended to the wounded, making sure everyone was safe, while Marcus had other priorities, his focus was on ensuring that their basic needs were met and they could all survive the initial phase of settling in the bunker. After an exhausting day, they were the last few that were still left awake apart from the night crew.

"We're here." Marcus stopped opposite her door. "Your bag is inside the room."

Abby nodded unsure of what to say. Next to her, Marcus wanted to say something, anything but nothing came to his mind.

"Goodnight, Marcus," she said, and without looking at him, she entered her room closing the door behind her. She didn't kiss his cheek, didn't even turn around. He was left alone standing in the hallway and looking at her door when the reality hit him. Resigned, Kane went to his room, kicked off his shoes and threw himself on his bed still in his clothes as he was too exhausted to remove them. As the adrenaline left him, he began to realize just how drained he was after the events of the day. The weight of his emotions suffocating him.

He closed his eyes and hoped for sleep to come but anytime he closed them, faces of those he killed appeared in front of his eyes haunting him, mocking him and telling him that he'd burn in hell. Frustrated he got up, gripped the side of his bed and shook his head. He kicked away his shoes and without putting them back on, he walked over to his door and left his bedroom.

The long, dim hall was quiet except for the shuffling echo of Marcus' footsteps as he walked back to his quarters. His shoulders slumped, his head hung, his eyes unfocused on his surroundings, and a bottle of moonshine swinging in his hand. Skaikru had brought plenty and they could make plenty more. He had a feeling they'd need it, he certainly needed it right that moment. Kane was desperate to drown his sorrows but the alcohol didn't have the intended effect on him, it only made him feel worse.

He paused in front of Abby's door and stood there as tears welled up in his eyes. He slowly raised his hand to knock but he thought better of it and left it there hanging, an inch from her door.

Marcus desperately needed her right then and there but he was certain she didn't want to see him, she hated what he'd done. Of course, Abby would never say it but he could see it in her eyes, the disdain and disappointment. His arm dropped and he let it fall to his side as a loud sob escaped him. This is how we save our people. He murmured under his breath and laughed in disbelief. His laugh soon turned to cry and he let his head fall forward. A bang startled him as his head hit Abby's door. Kane panicked and closed his eyes, cursing his stupidity. He completely forgot he was in front of Abby's door so when she opened the door wanting to see what happened, he fell inside, catching his balance at the very last moment.

"Marcus, what the—" Abby asked confused with her arms crossed and her eyebrows raised.

"I killed them. I killed them all!" he said exasperated, raising his hands in a what-can-you-do gesture. He entered her room without an invitation and slumped on her couch, moonshine bottle swinging in between his knees, tears in his eyes. Abby closed the door and turned to him with a heavy sigh.

"You did what you had to." Abby wasn't sure if she believed it herself.

"Did I?" He took a swing out of his bottle. "Did I really? Then why do I feel like—" His voice trailed off, too afraid to vocalize what was on his mind.

Marcus Kane was a broken man and despite what was going on between the two of them, Abby couldn't leave him alone when he needed her.

She looked at him, his eyes unfocused, his mind someplace else. Abby took a deep breath and braced herself. Quickly, she walked over to the couch, sat next to him, grabbed his bottle from him, and took a swing from it. Her throat burned as the strong liquid made its way down her esophagus. She winced and placed the bottle on the coffee table in front of them, then she leaned back on the couch. Kane sat next to her without moving an inch. Abby wanted to say something, anything, but words didn't come to her. A sob escaped him. Abby raised her hand and covered his hand that was resting on his knee squeezing it gently. A gesture she had hoped would be comforting had the opposite effect on Kane. All his inhibitions were gone and a flood of emotions overtook him. Uncontrollable sobs made his speech difficult to understand, his words made no sense, detached, broken. His whole body shook with each violent sob.

Without thinking, Abby reached with her hand placing it on his back, rubbing it in circles. That was enough for Marcus to break down completely and allow himself to lean on her for the comfort he so desperately needed. His body fell to the side, his head and shoulder landing in her lap and his head facing the wall opposite them. With a shaky hand, Abby touched his hair, stroking it gently. There were no words that could bring him comfort that night. She leaned forward, awkwardly hugging his body as she stroked his hair with one hand and held his hand with the other next to his chest. She planted a small kiss near his ear. One, then another, wishing that she could make it better, make the pain go away. She wished she could put a plaster on it like she would with a physical wound but alas, it was not that simple. She couldn't make his pain go away, just like she couldn't make her own pain disappear either. So, she did the only thing left, she held him right there and there, as tight as she possibly could, trying to give him some comfort and perhaps, taking some herself. They both needed it.

With time, his sobs slowly subsided and his breathing evened out as he fell asleep on her lap. Abby sat there, holding him, thinking about everything that had happened to him, her, to them. Eventually, she fell asleep too, bent in half, her top half covering him, enveloping him, and hiding him from the cruel realities of their world even if for just that one night.

We had to save our people.

Without the sun shining, it was difficult to tell what time it was when Marcus woke up. Something warm and heavy lay atop of him and a familiar scent surrounded him. He slowly opened his, trying to make sense of his surroundings as memories from last night started to slowly come back to him. Abby's relaxed body enveloped him like a blanket and he enjoyed the warmth, deciding to stay there for just a moment, drinking in her closeness, worried that once the spell was broken, he might never be in her arms again. The way she looked at him the night before worried him, and he had doubts if she was ever going to forgive him for not going through with her request.

Just one more minute, Kane thought as he lay there looking around the room not daring to move. Abby's room was pretty much identical to his, except that it was a mirror reflection. A small foyer with an army green couch, a coffee table, a rug, a desk, a chair, and a bookshelf. It was luxurious compared to the places where they slept since they came down to Earth. He assumed that, just like in his place, next to this room was a bedroom with an en-suite bathroom. It was comfortable enough even though they couldn't go outside. But without a thousand grounders, they didn't have to utilize the communal rooms with bunk beds and everyone had access to a more private accommodation. With more people, they'd all have to share and lack of privacy would certainly lead to issues. Serious, dangerous situations that couldn't be prevented. To keep the peace, there would have been many sacrifices they needed to make, a lot of struggle, an experience he wasn't sure all of his people would survive.

The sacrifice was great and Marcus didn't know if he made the right choice but he knew that their living situation would be peaceful. They'd done it before, on the Ark, they were used to small, confined spaces. Fewer people also extended their survival time should anything go wrong. And yet, he couldn't stop feeling guilty. All his life, he was taught that the survival of the human race was of utmost importance, their only goal, no matter the cost. And yet, there he was, making a decision that went directly against that, sacrificing hundreds of people that could've been saved. But would that save the human race? Would they survive five years locked in together? He wasn't sure about that either but he couldn't turn back the time. It was done and he had to make sure they all survived and that the sacrifice wasn't in vain.

Marcus took a deep breath, drinking in the closeness of Abby. Something he wasn't sure he'd be able to experience anytime soon. His eyes drifted to the clock on the wall. Seven in the morning. They were all supposed to meet at nine in the mess hall to get their work assignments for the day. It was time to get up but he didn't want to wake Abby yet. He didn't know what to say to her so he lifted her hand and shimmied out from under her body, trying to not disturb her. He pushed her gently until her back met the couch. She stirred in her sleep and he stilled, holding his breath. But when she didn't wake up, he took a blanket from the chair next to the couch and covered her with it. He took a long look at her sleeping form trying to memorize all of it.

Eventually, he took a deep breath, turned around, and walked towards the door. As he was about to grab the handle, Abby's voice startled him.

"Are you okay?" she asked sleepily.

"No, but I will be. I have to be—" he said, not quite believing it himself.

Abby just nodded in reply.

"How are you holding up?" Marcus asked.

"I'm fine," replied Abby not meeting his eyes. In fact, she was avoiding them altogether, looking everywhere but at him.

He pressed his lips together. It was clear that she didn't want to talk and Marcus didn't want to push it. She needed time to process things and he was going to give her as much time as possible. It's not like he knew what to say either.

"I am going to take a shower before the general meeting." Abby nodded. "You know where to find me if you need me." With that, he left her quarters and quickly entered his. Inside, he leaned against the door and released his breath trying to compose himself. It was going to be a long day.

End of Chapter 3