Slowly, her breaths worked their way in and out of her lungs and her heart began to ease back into a regular rhythm. Water dribbled down her face and her hair was plastered to her head, but Amy felt none of it. This was the second panic attack in as many days – a new record for her. She made it the whole way from Vancouver without a hitch, but now it seemed like everything she left behind was catching up to her. Ty constantly bringing it up didn't help, either. She thought she was stronger than this – she certainly made herself seem that way. But it was a front – a form of self preservation. She was fairly certain Jack realized that and didn't doubt Ty would now too. At least he gave her the space she demanded, which helped her pull herself together a lot quicker. Him hovering over her in a panic didn't help, in addition to the fact she didn't want to appear as a mental case.
When the strength returned to her legs, Amy eased herself to her feet. The front of her jeans were soaked and stuck to her but, honestly, she didn't even care. She stood in front of the open door, not looking Ty in the eye, afraid of what he would see or that it would invite him to comment.
Closing his phone from his third attempt at calling Jack, Ty stared at Amy, waiting for some kind of explanation or anything to let him know what she needed. Were they going to need to make an emergency trip? Go home? As tempted as he was to ask, his voice didn't seem to want to work. Or maybe his subconscious knew better than to speak at all.
Inhaling deeply, Amy hauled herself back in the truck. Closing the door was a whole other obstacle. If she barricaded herself back inside would she just freak out again? God she hated this emotional train wreck of a person she became. Reaching for the handle Amy gradually pulled the door, freezing when it closed. She waited for the panic to resurface. Ty remained immobile next to her, his stare burning into her.
Neither of them moved or made a sound for an excruciatingly long time. To his relief, Amy was the first to break the silence.
"Let's go." Her voice was gravely.
Ty didn't move. "Are we gonna-"
"Please," Amy cut him off, taking a breath. "Please, can we just… go? I can't… I can't talk about what happened. At least not right now." Maybe not ever, but it was too soon to make that assumption.
"I was just going to ask if we were gonna go back. You're a bit of a mess." He was referring to her sodden appearance but also realized the other meaning behind the statement. "You're soaked," he added for clarification so she didn't decide to throw herself out of his truck again.
Amy looked down at herself. "Yeah." The way she said it indicated she caught it too, but decided to ignore it. Instead she pulled the blanket around herself and leaned back. "It's just rain. I'll dry."
"You sure? We can call and say you'll be late."
Amy shook her head. "No, let's go. I can tough it out." She dealt with a hell of a lot more than wet clothes. "Do you have a heater in this thing?"
"Yeah… but it doesn't work. I haven't had the time to fix it." Also, he decided that summer was mere weeks away so why bother to fix it when he wouldn't be needing it.
A nod was Amy's response before she went back to looking through the window. Ty hesitated before putting the truck in gear and getting them back on the road. Two days ago he would have jumped down her throat, demanding an explanation for her shocking behavior. He also would have argued with his grandfather about taking her at all until Jack gave up and just did it himself and thus avoided this situation altogether. As it was, bearing witness to what he did then and before, Ty didn't say anything. Clearly Amy was uncomfortable and Ty had a knack for making it worse. So he minded his business. For a while.
"Ba, ba, ba, ba-ba, baa ba, ba ba ba baaaa." Ty glanced at Amy. "Ba, ba, ba, ba-ba, baa ba, ba ba ba baaaa." A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth when he saw her side eye him. "Ba, ba, ba, ba-ba, baa ba, ba ba ba baaaa." He paused, waiting to see if she'd take over, resisting the urge to give her shoulder a shove of encouragement. But when her brow only creased he went for it. "I get up!" She startled, finally turning to stare at him as he thumbed a beat on the steering wheel. "And nothing gets me down. You got it tough. I've seen the toughest around. And I know! Baby, just how you feel." He sang, poorly, but with passion. "You got to ro-o-oll with the punches and get to what's real."
Amy snorted, a hint of a smile on her lips as she shook her head at Ty's attempt at a David Lee Roth impression.
She joined him for the chorus, hesitantly at first. "Can't you see me standin' here, I got my back against the record machine. I ain't the worst that you've seen. Can't you see what I mean?"
Then went solo. "Ah, might as well jump!"
Ty came in for background vocals. "Jump!"
"Might as well jump."
"Ba, ba, ba, ba-ba, baa ba, ba ba ba baaaa."
"Go ahead and jump."
"You're pretty good," Ty said when Amy didn't continue with the song. Honestly, he was surprised she liked Van Halen – she really didn't seem the type.
"Thanks. You're… not."
Ty shrugged, taking no offense because she was right. Singing was not his forte. "Well, thankfully you don't need to be a good vocalist for that song."
"No," she agreed, "but you should at least be able to follow the beat." A ghost of a smile still lifted the corner of her mouth, but it was far from a full grin. Still, she felt better, more relaxed, after the mini jam session.
They pulled up in front of the Dr. Virani's clinic some time later, Ty putting the truck in park then sitting back to look at Amy when she didn't move to get out. "Are you going in?"
Amy's heart began to once again thunder in her chest, her hands wringing in her lap as she stared out at the sign hanging in front of them. Ty's question fell on deaf ears. Was it too late to turn back? It wasn't like it was a quick trip to the corner store from Heartland. But, Jack did say Ty had other things to do while he was waiting on Amy; she could just go with him instead.
"Huh?" She snapped out of it after Ty called her name for the second time.
"You okay?" He cocked his head, his expression unreadable.
"Fine." She didn't look at him as she took a breath and pulled the blanket from her shoulders. She was still wet but barely noticed the chill that set in as she climbed out.
"I'll run Grampa's errands then meet you back here."
"Fine," Amy said again, absently.
Something was definitely wrong again. She seemed better after her episode. They put the radio back on at a more manageable volume and had an actual discussion about the songs that came on and the bands that performed them. For once, they were able to find something in common – music. Ty was surprised by her knowledge of not only classic rock but R&B and even some Indie bands he didn't think anyone else ever heard of. The ice had significantly thawed between them. Now, Ty saw the wall slide right back up.
"Unless you want me to come in and wait?" He hesitated to offer, but he couldn't ignore the look of unease on Amy's face. He saw it often enough.
"What? No." She was quick on the draw with that one, but sounded uncertain.
"Okay." Ty slowly leaned over to look up at her. "Then could you close the door?"
Amy pushed the door shut and headed for the clinic. Ty waited for her to go inside but she stopped outside the door for so long he started to get out of the truck just as she turned around and bailed.
"I don't think I can do it." She shook her head when he met her on the sidewalk. She'd been so excited to get a glimpse of her baby but at the same time didn't know how she would really react seeing the product of the worst night of her life for the first time. What if they looked like him? It was too early to make out distinguishable features, but just knowing it was also his baby could be enough to trigger her.
Ty glanced up and down the street. Anywhere but at the distressed look on Amy's face. Weren't expectant mothers always the most excited when they went for ultrasounds? At least, that's what the media always depicted. The fact the Amy seemed almost terrified of it was just another tally on Ty's list of things to confirm his assault theory. He didn't want to seem like a jerk by dismissing her distress, but he also wasn't in the place to push her into doing something she didn't want to.
"Okay, well I still need to get those errands done. So, if you're skipping out on this then let's go."
"Amy, there you are!" A voice came from behind him as Dr. Virani poked her head out of the clinic. "I was worried you'd forgotten." Her dark eyes flicked to Ty. "Hello, Ty. Nice to see you again."
Ty tore his gaze away from Amy's pale face at the doctor's appearance. "Likewise."
The doctor stepped out, waving them inside. "Come on in, everything is set up for you. No need to wait."
"Actually," Ty piped up when Amy's voice seemed to die on her. "Is it possible to reschedule? Amy was just saying she wasn't feeling so hot."
"Oh?" Dr. Virani studied Amy with a practiced eye. "No wonder. You're soaked! Did you walk here?" She threw the accusatory question to Ty who fumbled for an explanation. He knew Amy wouldn't appreciate him taking initiative and telling the truth about what happened.
"We had some car trouble," Amy spoke up, meeting Ty's bewildered gaze. "I know a bit about cars so I got out to see if I could help."
Ty's brows shot up so high they almost disappeared into his scalp. She did? Another bit of surprising information to file away for later.
"Come in then, we'll get you warmed up and you can tell me what's been bothering you then we'll decide if we need to reschedule the ultrasound."
Ty glanced at Amy, who met his gaze. Defeated, she followed the doctor inside, leaving Ty alone on the sidewalk to process what just happened. He almost felt guilty for leaving her there, but he had things that needed to be done and she was in more than capable hands in the event of another meltdown.
The moment he walked in the back door at Maggie's, though, Ty wished he would have opted to hang around the clinic. He went to the hardware store and post office, which were at the further end of town. Maggie's was last on his list. But when he came face to face with Kit at the counter, he wished he would have made it his first stop.
"Kit. Hey," he said to break the awkward silence that settled between them.
"Hi," Kit replied curtly.
Soraya shifted uncomfortably behind the register, looking between the two. "Your order came in this morning, Kit."
"Great, I'll get it loaded." Kit was talking to Soraya but her hardened eyes remained on Ty.
"Yours did too, Ty." Soraya added.
"Thanks, Soraya," his response was the same as Kit's. "You want some help?" He asked her, offering an olive branch.
"No, thank you," Kit's irritation was obvious and Ty didn't blame her for it. He really screwed up and still didn't know how, or if, he even wanted to fix it.
Kit brushed by to head outside and claim her order. Ty glanced at Soraya who offered him a look of sympathy. Sighing, Ty followed Kit out back where his order would also be waiting.
A clerk rolled out two flat beds of grain and shavings; Ty and Kit began to toss the bags in their trucks in silence. Kit perhaps a little more aggressively than needed.
"Still have nothing to say to me?" Kit finally broke, glaring at him over the bed of her pickup.
Ty stiffened. "If you're looking for an apology, I'm pretty sure that ship has sailed."
Kit shook her head. "You don't get it do you? I don't want an apology, Ty. I want an explanation. I wasted two years of my life waiting for you to just talk to me. I thought you trusted me enough to confide in me; to tell me what was going on. Obviously, I was wrong about that. Which made me realize that maybe I was more committed to our relationship than you ever were and that hurts, Ty." Her voice cracked.
Ty felt like an asshole all over again and had the decency to show it. He never meant to make Kit feel like that but he was aware of the hurt he was causing her every time he turned her away when she came to visit him in prison. He'd hoped that she would somehow give up on him and move on. That when he was released he'd come home to find her on the arm of someone else. It would have hurt, but it would have been easier in the long run. Coward. Yes, yes he was.
"Say something!" Kit couldn't stand his silence anymore. It was driving her mad.
"You're right. You do deserve an explanation." Throwing up his tailgate he wandered over to her truck, pulling off his gloves. "I was in a bad place when I got busted. You know how fucked up I was back then. But prison it… it broke me, Kit. I had a lot of time to hate myself and the decisions I made. Mostly, I hated that my stupid actions affected you, too. I hated that you cared so much. Hated that you tried so hard when I did nothing to deserve it. I was ashamed of the person I was and the stupid shit I did with no regard for what it did to the people around me. I wanted you to hate me. It would have been easier if you hated me."
Kit's hard expression softened somewhat as she finally got the explanation she'd been waiting so long for, but her scowl remained. "I loved you too much to hate you."
Ty's expression fell. "I know." He figured, anyway. No one would do what Kit did if it wasn't love. No one would have hung on that long. "I was too much of a coward to face you."
"Yes, you were." Kit slammed her tailgate closed and walked around to the driver's side to hop in the cab. "And you know what? You got your wish." She slammed the door shut. Ty stepped back so she didn't run over his foot, but Kit didn't speed off. Rather she sighed, staring through the windshield. "Just tell me something. This has nothing to do with that Amy girl, right?"
Ty jerked his eyes up. "Why would you think that?"
Kit lifted a shoulder. "People in town are talking."
What else was new. Any time someone new wandered into town the rumor mill cracked wide open. That was small towns for you: nothing to do but mind other people's business. "You of all people should know to take that gossip with a grain of salt."
Kit looked at him, her gaze serious. "You didn't answer my question."
"No." Ty answered firmly. "It has nothing to do with Amy. I never met the girl until a few days ago."
His answer seemed to make Kit relax. "Okay. Good."
"Would it bother you so much if it did?" Ty realized his mistake too late when Kit stiffened right up again.
"Would it bother me if you've been jerking me around for the last year all the while you were cozying up with some other girl? Yes, Ty, it would." She snapped, her voice laced with venom.
Ty inhaled sharply. Shit. "I didn't mean it like that. That was a poor choice of words."
"No kidding. You have fun with your new toy." Kit started the truck, failing to hide the hurt expression spreading over her features.
"I didn't mean it the way it sounded," Ty tried again, though bristled a bit at Kit referring to Amy as his "new toy." Not only was that insulting to him, but also demeaning toward her for no reason. "She's just staying with us for a while. One of my grandfather's strays." Ty rushed to clarify the situation but Kit no longer cared to listen.
"Goodbye, Ty." Putting the truck in gear she drove off, leaving Ty to stare after her. Wait. Wasn't that what he wanted all along? For Kit to let him go and move on. So why had he tried so hard to explain himself? He should have just let her think there was another woman. But, that wasn't fair to her since it would be a lie. More so, it wasn't fair to Amy. Obviously that rumor was already gaining ground, the last thing he needed was to help it along. Although, the way things just ended with Kit, he didn't think he did much to stomp it out. Crap.