Trigger warnings:discussions of rape and abortion
A thump jolted Amy awake. She opened her eyes expecting it to be morning, but the window was dark. The light she initially thought to be the sun was her bedside lamp. It took a second for her to remember she turned it on to read more of "What to Expect…" and must have fallen asleep. Now awake, her bladder was screaming for release so she twisted out of bed to find her book on the floor. Picking it up she straightened the pages and set it back on the nightstand.
The house was dark and still when she crept out of her room to the bathroom. On her way back down the hall, Amy paused when she remembered the dvd she'd left in the barn. Now would be the perfect time to sneak out to get it.
Amy swore under her breath when she was met with a locked office door. The barn door was also closed, but thankfully not locked. Giving it a tug, she winced at the squeak of the rollers on the old track. A horse inside nickered a greeting, probably thinking it was feeding time.
Holding her breath, Amy quickly, yet quietly, felt along the walls for a lightswitch, her fingers brushing over wood and bumping into leather. Her foot connected with an empty pail, sending it scraping across the concrete. She froze, listening for noise in the loft.
Ty jumped awake, sitting bolt upright on the old loft bed, the whole frame creaking.
Sucking in a breath, Amy was prepared to backpedal out of the barn and return to the house but when she didn't hear any footsteps of Ty coming to investigate she decided to just keep going. It would take her just a second to eject the disk then duck out the office door so long as she could get there without falling on her face.
Ty remained still as he listened to the intruder maneuver about the dark space, failing at being quiet if that was their intention.
Amy. It had to be. What was she doing sneaking around at night again?
The opening and closing of drawers made him remember. Her dvd. The one he took and had sitting on his dresser. Shit.
It was gone. Amy's stomach knotted when she ejected the tray from the computer to find it empty. She hoped whoever found it just put it in the case and tucked it away somewhere. Switching on the desk lamp she checked under the files and paperwork. When that came up empty, she started digging into the drawers, her search becoming less careful with each empty hiding spot.
"Looking for this."
Amy let out an audible gasp, jerking around to face Ty in the doorway. Total deja vu.
"We really need to stop meeting like this," he drawled, but Amy was focused on the slim case he held up between his fingers. Why did he have it?
"That's mine." Yet she made no move to take it back.
"You lied to me last night," he accused, stepping forward and tossing the disk onto the desk in front of her. "You weren't checking the weather."
Amy swallowed, dropping her gaze to the case. "Did you watch it?"
Ty hesitated. Considered lying despite just calling Amy out on hers. "It was still running on the laptop."
Heat rushed to her face. "You had no right," she snapped, snatching up the disk and holding it protectively against her chest.
"Why didn' you just tell me you were watching your sonogram footage?"
Anger flared in her chest. "Because it was private and I don't need to tell you anything."
Ty lifted his hands in a placating gesture. "Like I said, it was still running. I had to open it to properly shut it down."
"Bullshit," Amy hissed. "Then why did you take it?" When Ty didn't have an answer for that accusation, Amy straightened into a defensive posture. "You waited for me to leave and went searching for proof that I lied."
She wasn't wrong. But the intention wasn't malicious.
"If you'd told me the truth I wouldn't have had to find it on my own," he argued calmly, trying to keep his annoyance in check.
Amy bristled. "You know why I didn't tell you the truth? Because I don't trust you. Dancing with you tonight only reminded me of that." Storming around the desk, she flipped the lock on the office door and shoved it open then slammed it behind her.
Ty flinched at the bang. Amy might as well have slapped him from the way her words stung. Though he wasn't surprised to hear them, he was surprised by how they actually affected him. Amy hadn't yet been able to trust anyone since she arrived except maybe Soraya and possibly Jack. Ty knew he did absolutely everything to destroy all chance of that. Gritting his teeth, he rushed out of the barn after her.
"Amy, wait."
"God, can you just stop following me," Amy growled around a clenched jaw.
Ty sped up. "Not until you talk to me."
"I have nothing to say to you," she yelled back. She didn't realize how close Ty had gotten until he stepped in her path and she plowed right into his chest. Immediately her arms came between them to shove him away even though he lifted his hands out of the way to avoid touching her at all.
In the house, Jack woke to the commotion outside. His motion to sit up stirred Lisa. "What is it?"
"Don't know," he mumbled, swinging out of bed and reaching for his twelve gauge that he kept next to it. "Stay here."
Lisa was wide awake at the sight of the gun. "Jack," she whisper-hissed, her fingers brushing over the back of his shirt that she reached to grab too late. She scrambled out of bed after him, catching up as he was peering through the kitchen window. "What's going on?"
He narrowed his sight to see into the dark. "Amy and Ty."
Lisa's eyes widened. "What?" She quickly moved to the window.
"Then just listen." Ty didn't yield his place in her path when Amy shoved him, just backed up a few steps. "I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have snooped."
"Fine." Amy muttered, skirting around him and heading for the porch.
"It's okay to be scared," he called.
Amy stalled at the top of the stairs, her breath hitching in her chest. Lisa and Jack both leaned down, watching the tense exchange curiously.
Ty moved closer until he was at the bottom of the steps. She waited for him to say more while he waited for her to take a running leap inside. For a full minute they remained at an impasse before Ty broke the silence. "Listen, I get it. Life threw you a curveball you weren't at all prepared to deal with. Talking about it means facing it and when you aren't ready to face it it becomes this… demon that haunts you. Torments you."
Twisting around, Amy scowled down at him. Was he calling her baby a demon? She pressed her lips together to keep from retorting, waiting to see if he had a point.
"A while back I got involved with some bad people who convinced me to do some things for them. Illegal things. I got caught and spent five years in prison," he continued, surprising Amy with his spontaneous confession. She didn't expect to ever hear the details of Ty's story. At least not directly from him. "When I got out last year I just wanted to find my way back to normal. I was a disaster for so long I burned all my bridges and then refused to face the reality I created for myself." Seeing he had Amy's attention Ty paused to take in a deep breath. "It took me almost losing my grandad to shake some sense into me."
Lisa reached out to grip Jack's arm, recalling his heart attack and then the harrowing months of recovery after. A time they'd all rather forget.
Amy's face softened. "Why are you telling me this?"
"You're not as alone here as you seem to think." His shoulders rose in a nonchalant shrug before he turned to head back to the loft to sleep for a few more hours.
She didn't know why, but watching Ty turn tail to the barn struck a nerve. "Says the guy who chooses to sleep in the barn rather than under the same roof as me."
It was Ty's turn to stop mid stride.
Amy leaned against the rail, gripping the wood tightly as she stared at his back. "Does it really bother you so much that I'm here?"
Ty sighed, knowing the short answer was not going to be received well. "Yes." He turned around in time to see Amy press her lips in a thin line. Her jaw worked and she nodded, needing no further explanation. But Ty went on to give the long answer when she went for the door.
"It's not… you. It's the whole situation." he blurted before she could slam his own front door in his face. When she turned to face him again he was back at the bottom of the steps.
"The. Situation." Amy repeated, unsure of what that even meant. Was he talking about her pregnancy? Her father certainly liked to use that term when referring to it. Like it was something in need of handling. She looked down her nose at him, waiting.
"You coming here with this whole secret past none of us know about."
"So it is me." Amy shot back, cutting him off.
"No." Ty ran an exasperated hand through his hair. How could he tell her he knew what happened without upsetting her? The answer was he couldn't. At any rate, he didn't know it for 100 percent certain. He had a theory that was supported by strong evidence. "I just think if we knew all the facts we'd be able to better help you."
"You don't seem to have any interest in helping me." Amy folded her arms across her chest, hearing the lack of conviction in her own voice. Despite their bumpy start, the last couple days felt like things were maybe starting to smooth over.
That wasn't true, but he could see how Amy would believe that. "Because you act like you don't want to be helped. You're clutching so desperately to your secrets like it's you versus the world when it doesn't have to be. But if we don't know the whole story, we can't protect you." Ty took a step up, forcing Amy to step back. He retreated back to the ground.
Her arms tightened to her body and the hardness eased from her face to be replaced with weariness. "Why would you need to protect me?"
Ty hesitated while he weighed the heavy pros and cons of the can of worms he was about to open. In the end, he decided what did it matter if she already detested him anyway. "Who's the father, Amy?"
Amy's spine went rigid. "Just some guy," she repeated her go-to brush off answer. Everyone assumed it was a one night stand gone wrong. She was fine with that. At least until people then believed her to be a loose woman. She wasn't fine with that. Because then people seemed to think it gave them permission to proposition her.
"What's his name?" Ty pushed, knowing he was trying his luck and uncomfortably close to repeating what happened in the barn last week. But he didn't advance from his place at the bottom of the steps. If she wanted to run, the path was clear.
"It's none of your business," Amy replied curtly. The same answer she gave him countless times since her arrival.
"Maybe not. But it is his. And theirs." He nodded toward her belly. "What are you going to say when they start asking questions about their father?"
"Again, not your business." Amy didn't say she hoped the father never found out. Ever. She didn't want to see his face. She didn't want to know. Her child, well, that could very likely be a problem for someone else.
"We need to get off this carousel sometime, Amy," he sighed.
She frowned. "What?"
"Round and round we go with this same conversation until you storm off to sulk and I get read the riot act. Aren't you tired? Cause I'm exhausted and it's only been a week."
Amy was tired. Exhausted, like Ty, perhaps moreso. Physically. Emotionally. The nightmares. The inmates. The prying questions. The uncertainty of her future. The constant fear of the truth outing her shame. Not to mention the unknown location of the man who was responsible for all of it. Knowing nothing of him was both a blessing and a curse.
"You won't break me," she answered, determination hardening her quiet tone.
Ty's voice was gentle. "I doubt there's anything left to break."
Amy's stomach clenched. She blinked rapidly to stay the sudden threat of tears and looked away from him. It scared her that he was able to figure her out so easily. She didn't know what he discovered or assumed of her, but he managed to chisel away at the truth in spite of her best efforts to deter him. She was broken. Broken and barely hanging onto the few pieces of herself that remained.
"You've managed to find a few things," she muttered, staring out toward the neglected garden.
"Well, that me didn't understand the type of broken you are." The kind that needed gentle guidance rather than a harsh reality check.
Her gaze shifted from the garden to Ty who was looking at her with an expression that seemed foreign on his face. A gentleness she was unfamiliar with. "And what type of broken is that?"
"You've lost your trust in people. They hurt you. Abandoned you." He paused. "Tormented you." Slowly, Ty took the step again and remained when Amy didn't back away. "You're not unlike the horses we work with here."
Amy scoffed and looked away.
"I'm not trying to insult you," Ty went on. "I'm just explaining how I came to understand you. How I came to understand why Jack brought you here."
"And yet you say I don't belong."
Ty sucked in a breath. "It's the inmates that worry me. I never thought it was a good idea to have someone like you here with them. After the episode with Hank, I thought you'd feel the same."
Amy shuddered at the memory of being cornered by Hank. The intense way he looked at her like he could see the truth written on her forehead. "He does make me uncomfortable." And yet the things he said had her desperate to find out more of what he knew.
"I know. Because he knew you." Ty lifted a hand when Amy's head shot up. "Not like that." Except it was like that but that was the last thing Amy needed to hear right then. "I mean he saw you. Your pain. He knew what broke you because he's seen it before."
I already know your story. Amy's heart thumped fast and heavy, visible by the deep rise and fall of her chest. Then why had he acted as he had? To get it out of her? Or because he knew she was already damaged so maybe she wouldn't put up much of a fight.
Ty could see the fright ignite in her eyes. She looked like a deer about to bound off into the forest to get away from danger. But he came this far. "Hank is serving a life sentence for murder. The man he killed… the man he killed raped three people." People. Kids. Ty spared her the horrific details.
Amy jerked back, her breaths coming faster and louder. "No." She shook her head, tears blurring her vision. She was shaking. The floodgates on her memories burst open and the whole horrifying night rushed forth.
"That's what happened, isn't it? You were raped." The word cut through the air like a knife. It might as well have been.
Ty's voice echoed in her head, overlapping with another voice. A deeper, more sinister baritone. Amy's hands flew to clamp hard over her ears, wanting to shut them all up. "Stop!"
Whether she was yelling at Ty or the memories pounding through her was impossible to tell. Ty felt a sharp jab in his chest at the sight of Amy crumbling to the floor. Of her walls she so painstakingly guarded being reduced to rubble as the truth blew through them.
"Amy." He spoke her name gently, climbing the next step to reach for her.
Lisa moved for the door but Jack grabbed her wrist, giving his head a silent shake. She looked at him with a pained expression that Jack almost couldn't stand to see. He wanted to rush out onto the porch along with her but knew this was a moment Amy and Ty needed to get through. After all of the turmoil and fighting between them, each misinterpreting and misunderstanding the other, now was their chance to clear the air. Interrupting might cause Amy to balk and close up again. Lisa seemed to be able to read it all on Jack's face and shifted back to lean against him at the window.
"Don't!" Amy gasped, seeing the motion and moving away from it. "Please, don't. I-I can't." She couldn't bear it. Not just the touch, but the pity, the heartbroken look on Ty's face.
Ty stopped, his hand fisting and flexing at his sides as he fought the urge to ignore her plea anyway. Instead, he slowly turned to sit on the step below where she collapsed, outside of the invisible fence she erected around herself. "You don't know who it was?"
Her head shook in response while she took breaths to calm herself down. "I didn't see his face. I didn't… I didn't even tell anyone." A sob broke out and she lowered her head into her hands, covering her face and wishing she could get away from the place Ty took her to with his questions. Yet she answered them because there was a part of her that knew she needed to. She needed to tell someone the truth. The whole truth. Hiding behind her trauma did nothing but isolate her and make her an easy target.
"Until you realized you were pregnant." He guessed, wanting to get the whole story. He didn't know if now was the right time for it, but even getting it in pieces was better than remaining ignorant to Amy's suffering.
She nodded, sniffing and wiping at her nose. Ty remained quiet while she gathered herself. Brushing away her tears didn't do much but make room for more of them.
"My dad he…" Clearing her throat, Amy inhaled a deep breath. "He was acting… strange. He's always been on edge because of the drugs and unsolicited visits from his dealers and bookies but it was worse right before it happened. And after…" Her voice faltered. "He kept watching me. Like he was looking for the signs, waiting for me to break. He knew what happened even without me saying it and I think he knows who did it. But I was too scared to ask. I didn't want to know. I don't want to know. It was easier, safer, to pretend it just didn't happen."
Her face crumpled again and Ty fought to keep his hands firmly to himself. He didn't know much about Tim Fleming except what Jack told him, but he spent enough of his own time in that world to know how retaliatory tactics worked. If Tim owed his dealers money and didn't square up, they would have gone after his family to make him pay. They would have gone after Amy. Rape, brutal as it was on its own, was not the worst they could have done. She could have been taken and tortured, maimed in some irreversible way. Or killed.
"Then I started to sense my body changing. I missed a period, then two. I tried to ignore it. Willed fate to intervene. Eventually, I bought a test because I needed to know. When the result was positive I…" The air shuddered out of her lungs. "I shut down. Refused to acknowledge it. My dad went ahead and made an appointment for me at a clinic. All I wanted was for it to go away so I was… relieved that he made the choice for me." Tears fell from her eyes onto the step and she began to slowly rock back and forth to comfort herself. "I didn't want to have to live with that night for the rest of my life. To look at my body, or God forbid a baby, and be reminded of the horrible thing that happened to me."
Ty didn't dare interrupt Amy's story. She was finally sharing the dark truth of what happened to her and he doubted she'd be willing to do it again. When she paused to catch her breath, wiping at the stream of tears rolling down her face, Ty glanced toward the kitchen window where he saw Lisa and Jack hovering at the sink. The window was still cracked open from Amy's earlier cleaning spree, allowing them to hear everything. He didn't know how long they'd been there. Judging by the way Lisa's hand was pressed to her mouth and her eyes welled with tears, long enough. He didn't bring Amy's attention to them. Frankly, he was surprised either one of them managed to remain inside. From the way Jack's hands gripped Lisa's shoulders, he was probably holding her in place. Anchoring himself to her. Ty looked away from them when Amy lifted her head again to take a sniffling breath.
"Obviously I didn't go through with the abortion," she continued quietly, her voice a rasp. She cleared her throat. "Guilt set in at the eleventh hour. The nurse called my name and I couldn't move." She remembered the waves of nausea bringing awareness to the life inside of her. Images of a tiny beating heart, little fingers and toes. She'd bolted from the clinic and never went back.
"My father was upset," she went on. "Not… angry, but scared. Frantic. He didn't understand why I wouldn't terminate. We fought. Said nasty, hurtful things to each other." Amy's lip trembled remembering their fights, especially the one when he told her he was sending her away. To Heartland.
"Why Heartland?" Ty said finally, his first words in quite some time. His voice was gentle but tight with restrained emotion.
Amy's shoulders lifted in a slow shrug. "I don't know. I think it was a last resort. He kept saying it was for the best. That I'd be safe here."
Ty bit his lip, knowing he'd asked the question before and gotten nowhere. "Safe from what?"
Amy blinked, her eyes red and glistening with tears. She leaned forward to rest her forearms on her knees, her blonde hair falling in a curtain in front of her face. She went quiet, continuing to rock. This time Ty didn't press for an answer, merely waited her out. When she didn't tense up, snap at him, or storm off, he knew the walls were coming down.
"A week or so before…" her breath hitched and she trailed off, but Ty could fill in the unspoken words. "I came home from class to two men in our apartment. One had my father up against the wall with a gun to his head while the other trashed the place looking for something. It wasn't the first time someone paid a visit looking for money he owed them."
Amy was talking so slowly, so carefully choosing her words as if testing her pain threshold before continuing onto the next piece of the story. Ty never focused so intently on anything in his life, hanging on her every word.
"When they saw me, they grabbed me."
Everyone stopped breathing. Not a peep was made. Lisa's free hand flew up to clutch Jack's on her shoulder.
"I-I'd been threatened before. Propositioned. But never touched. They would always come to rough up my father, make their point and maybe leave with some of what he owed. But they always left me alone. I wasn't responsible for his debts." She whispered the last sentence in a way that felt like it was a mantra she used. That Tim's choices were his own and she was merely innocent in the line of fire.
Amy's eyes closed as her breathing turned ragged. She could feel the pain of the fist in her hair, the sharp sting of a knife at her throat. Her hand went to her neck, rubbing it to ease away the memory.
"Pretty little thing you have here, Tim." Amy shied away when the man holding her leaned to brush his mouth along her cheek. He nicked her neck with the blade jerking her into his hard chest.
"Please, " Tim croaked from across the room. "I'll have what I owe you tomorrow. All of it. Just leave my daughter be."
The gunman stepped away, lifting his finger from the trigger and tapping it against his temple in thought. "I'll tell you what, Tim. I'll cut you a break." He used the weapon to point at Tim. "I'll take half of what you owe." He swung the gun to Amy, who froze at the sight of the barrel. "The rest can be repaid by another means."
His wicked grin made Amy feel sick. What was worse was the way Tim went quiet as if he were actually considering the deal. "Dad!" She exclaimed, horrified by the possibility of her own father trading her to save himself.
Her shout snapped him out of it and he shook his head. "You'll get your money."
"Pity." Knife's breath was hot against her ear, sending a cold shiver down her spine. "We could have had some fun with this one."
"Let her go," Gun growled.
Knife's jaw tightened at the command, but he lowered the blade from Amy's throat and released his death grip. She backed away, making sure to keep him within her sight. "How much does he owe?"
"Fifteen," Gun answered.
"Hundred?" She had almost half that in her bag, maybe if she gave it to them now they'd give them some time to come up with the rest.
"Thousand," Knife corrected, the corner of his mouth lifting in a malicious smirk like he already knew there was no way Tim could pay.
The color drained from Amy's face. Her eyes darted to her father who looked terrified and ashamed, as he very well should. "What did you do?" She whispered through a hiss of air.
"Lost on a sure thing." Gun mocked him. Tim swallowed, his gaze drifting to a far corner of the room.
Gambling. On what, it didn't matter. Tim would gamble on the weather. "You promised me you would stop this!" Amy yelled, her hands balling into tight fists. She knew better. But every time still held onto hope that this time her dad would put in the effort. She needed to stop giving him so much credit, then she couldn't be disappointed when he neglected to follow through.
"As much as I enjoy family drama, I have other business," Gun said, tucking the weapon back in its holster beneath his jacket. "Twenty-four hours, Tim." He glanced at the clock. "7:42 tomorrow evening. 15 grand, or seven and the girl."
Amy's heart lurched in her chest. Seven thousand dollars was even too much for them. She doubted they had anything worth anywhere close to that.
Knife was leering at her as they headed for the door. Amy shuffled backward to avoid their path but he snatched her arm on his way past pulling her against him. "See you tomorrow, sweetheart." She refused to look at him, to acknowledge his threat. He let go and she jerked away. Neither of them moved until the door was shut then Amy ran to lock it.
"How did you get the money?" Ty asked, knowing she wasn't attacked until a week later, so they must have come up with the cash.
In telling the story, Amy fell into a sort of trance reliving the night. Her tears stopped and her voice took on a monotone. Ty's voice cut through the memory. She sat back on the step, pressing her hands between her knees. "Lou."
"Your sister?"
Amy nodded. "She's an investment banker in New York. Ironic, eh?" She snorted. "She was helping me pay for school. I told her I wanted to take a summer session so I could graduate sooner and the deadline to enroll in classes was closing." Lying to Lou had been difficult. She was paying for her college to ensure Amy had a chance at a better, more stable future. "If I said the money was for our father's debts, she never would have sent it. And then I don't know what would have happened." Maybe the same thing that did. Maybe they'd just kill her father. Regardless, the outcome wouldn't have been any better.
Ty mulled over the details of Amy's story. The two men, their threats. "Those men. The one that grabbed you." Ty's words were calm, quiet as if speaking to a frightened horse. "Could it have been him who hurt you?"
Amy's chest tightened. "I told you, I didn't see his face."
Ty hesitated, leaning back against the rail. The calm that came over Amy was slipping away again the closer they got to digging into the details of her assault. The time surrounding it seemed to be a safer place, but the event itself was still understandably raw. He was torn between pushing and letting it go since Amy didn't quite answer his question about what her father was trying to protect her from. If he had to guess he'd say it was the two men who threatened her. If she didn't see her attacker's face, that meant he intentionally kept it covered so she couldn't identify him. Which meant she had to have seen it before. A week prior.
"But you do know, don't you?" Ty pressed, realization dawning. "You heard his voice."