~Sierra~

Turning the corner from the main road, we entered a completely different realm. Away from the action of Hawkins, this country road, so ancient it didn't even have lines painted to divide it, was The Communion. Down the twisting roads lined with fauna, it led us to a tattered gazebo. However, it was beyond the gazebo where the true magic of Hawkins lay. A peace fell over the land with the trickling waters of the small waterfall and the gentle buzz of flies hovering around being the only sounds heard for miles. A sweet sap aroma lingered and I grabbed the opportunity to roll down the window and breathe it in. Restful, it was like it was never touched by any human. It soothed away any of the fear I had felt earlier from the altercation with my father, like a tender, maternal kiss. Somehow, Billy had helped as well, even before the usual banter began. When he placed his hand in mine, I felt like I wasn't alone. Physically, I knew he was opposite me. But, in that experience of pure sadness, it was as if he was letting me know he was there. This was a side to him that I found fascinating, alluring. How could he go from being a suave rebel who made crude jokes at my expense to someone gently taking my hand and alleviating my fears? Either way, I wanted to get to know him more and this would be the perfect opportunity. He wasn't like the others, that much I knew. There was something more under the surface and I was ready to dive in there to discover what exactly that could be.

Getting out of the car, I inhaled that wonderful smell again. It just made me feel so at home. A big smile on my lips, I turned to Billy who was taking in our surroundings. He had a crate of beer under his arm and had kindly thrown my coat over his shoulder. Lighting up a cigarette, he began nodding his head in approval.

"Not bad, Nightingale" he muttered and came round to meet me.

"I bet you've seen prettier sights in California, right?" I asked, intrigued about his past.

I had been to California a few times, but I never got to enjoy all the amazing views it had to offer. It was usually when my dad was on a business trip and had no choice but to take us along with him. Instead of luxuriating in the hot Californian sun, we would be confined to the hotel grounds.

"Well, I don't recall seeing you in California" Billy chuckled.

"Seriously, Billy!" I giggled and teasingly pushed myself against him.

"Hey, watch the beer!" Billy laughed and pushed back. "And I'm totally being serious" he winked at me and handed me a beer. We made a toast to something and took a sip of the refreshingly cold drink in unison. "Nah, California was cool. The beaches were the best part"

"Do you miss it?" I asked and sat down next to the lake.

"I grew up there. It's pretty different here" Billy sighed as he gazed out to the clear waters. He lowered his head for a moment and let out a small laugh. "I surfed a lot, hung out with friends. You know, typical stuff"

Taking a long drag of his cigarette, I watched how he held onto the smoke for a few moments before releasing tiny, ashen rings. There was a certain mystery to Billy. I didn't understand him. He was brusque yet charming, careless yet caring. A riddle that needed decoding.

"Did you have a girlfriend out there?" I asked. I took a huge gulp of the beer and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear in some odd ruse to appear like I wasn't surprised by my own words.

Billy heightened his eyebrows and scoffed jokingly, startled by this abrupt question. It was either that or he was genuinely offended that I even had to ask. Once the surprise subsided, he chuckled and bit his lower lip, his blue eyes searching for how he should answer as if the words lingered across the lake.

"Yeah, a few" he answered. "But, they weren't particularly special to me. Just, you know," he paused and laughed a little as he lowered his eyes "Anyway, that was then".

Was I making Billy Hargrove blush? Looks like the pupil became the teacher. He seemed very reluctant to talk about any past girlfriends.

"What about you, Nightingale? Any boyfriends?" he asked.

"I'm a little wary about certain guys" I replied.

It was true. Guys such as Jason Carver were the epitome of bootlicking. After one experience in 11th grade dating a boy called Austin Huxley, it was cemented in my mind that anyone who wanted to date me could have an ulterior motive. Austin was the archetypal jock. A year older than me, he came across as self-assured of his place in the world and had a refined charm that enchanted the virgin me. With pale blue eyes and dark curls, an athletic frame from years spent playing on the football team, he won over so many girls with ease. You're a lot taller than me, was the first thing I had ever said to him. Internally wincing at my seemingly corny statement, he responded with a chuckle and pointed out the obvious. Yeah, well, you're a lot smaller than me and proceeded to rest his arm on my head. We hit it off immediately and the next six months were blissful. We spent our time mainly hanging out with his entourage of seniors on the basketball or football team alongside their girlfriends. Steve hung out with us too, but professionally hid his dislike for Austin, even as he maintained a short-term relationship with his sister who was our age. It was either bowling, going to the roller skating rink out of town, or going up to Lover's Lake in his car. I lost my virginity to him after two months together in that car. Four months later at a party, I overheard him bragging about our sex life and how my dad was going to get an internship prepared for him after he graduated. After throwing a very, virtually luminous, red cocktail over his crisp white shirt, I stormed out of the party. On the way out, he grabbed me by the hand and told me not to leave. Once I had declared how much of a piece of shit he was in front of everyone, he acted all cool and shouted that he could get any girl he wanted. In the more private setting of my car, he ran up to the closed window and implored me not to leave. What would happen to his sweet deal with my dad? The answer to that is that he still got it. Austin continued to work for my dad's firm until he got a better deal elsewhere and drove a cherry red BMW past my house every day at 7am on his way to work. Despite his newfound wealth, every now and then he showed up at a high school party and gloated about his football triumphs.

"Not even one boyfriend, I don't believe you" he scoffed, dragging me out of the memory.

"I never said I didn't have one, just that I'm wary of them" I reminded him. My tone was perhaps a little harsh. Sighing, I slipped off my shoes and edged closer to the lake, dipping my toes in the cool water. "I know the boys at school too well to want to date them. My dad has his own business and does internships. As you've probably guessed, there are a lot of Yuppies that want a good deal after we graduate. Some of them see me as a way of getting that. Date his daughter, charm yourself through some dinner with him, look past what he's actually like, and you're set for your post-high school career"

"Can I be frank?" Billy rhetorically asked and moved forward to join me. Throwing his black boots over his shoulder where they landed on a pile of dried leaves, he sunk his feet into the lake with a delighted 'ah'. "Your dad seems like an asshole"

I couldn't help but laugh. It was strange how something so tragic as the truth could be funny.

"Yup, you got it in one there, Hargrove" I laughed.

Pressing my hands into the earth as I leaned back, I felt the ends of my curly hair tickle my back. For a second, I closed my eyes and just breathed in the smell of nature. If I could be still in this moment for eternity, I would be happy. Just being allowed to exist in the only place of peace Hawkin's had to offer was enough to put a smile on my face. Respite from normal life, from that frantic pace I had to walk every day. Purely breathing in that wonderful smell made the pain vanish. Even if just for a second.

"This place reminds me of a beach I used to go to when I was a kid" Billy said suddenly. Leisurely propping my head against my shoulder, I turned to see him focus somewhere in the distance. My eyes followed his field of vision to find a stray rabbit hopping around among the luscious grass. In the few moments of silence, I noted how his eyes wandered with the movement of the rabbit, a kid-like smile rising on his lips. Bringing a cigarette to them, he took a long, well-needed drag. "It was this little alcove, about a ten minute ride from my house. No tourists ever went there, it was like this local secret. Just you, the ocean and what seemed like endless opportunities. Just a place to escape when things were getting too much, you know"

"Sounds like heaven" I murmured, fully invested in his story. "Did you have a lot going on?"

With a gentle shake of his head, he stubbed out his cigarette and placed it in his pocket. This surprised me. I thought a rebel like Billy wouldn't be so conscious as to discard his cigarette in a way that didn't pollute the lake. Yet another thing I had been taught today.

"That's a story for another time" he responded and sipped his beer. "So, you don't have a thing for any of the guys at school?"

"Not in particular" I answered, bemused by how quick he was to change the subject.

"Good to know" he muttered and laid down in the grass with his arms behind his head.

"And why is that good to know?" I coquettishly asked and mirrored him.

Positioning myself on my side to face him, I smirked at him playfully. I had only known this guy for a day, but so far, he had piqued my interest and, importantly, had called my dad what so many guys wouldn't have. Within a day, he had made this dull town brighten up with his mischief.

"Keeps you free from distractions" Billy responded.

"Distractions?" I asked.

Also known as, competition.

"Don't want Mrs Simpson to get all jealous now, do we?" he chuckled.

"Sure, 'Mrs Simpson'" I joked.

Lugging myself up with a groan, I shook my head to rid my hair of the sparse blades of grass that had gotten stuck in my curls. Looking at my watch, I saw that an hour had flown by.

"Want to play a game of twenty questions?" I asked.

"Go on then, Nightingale. Entertain me" he replied, staying on the ground.

"Favorite color?" I inquired.

With a snort, Billy opened his eyes and raised an eyebrow at me. It seemed I had disappointed the rebel with such a bland question.

"What sort of a question is that?" he scoffed, his voice monotone. Groaning with derision, he slipped his eyes to a close again. "Blue"

"See now that wasn't difficult, was it?" I mocked and splashed some water from the lake on him.

With a grunt, he opened his eyes and leered at me.

"Did you just splash me?" he questioned, serious as anything.

"That doesn't count as a question, you know" I giggled, biting my lower lip.

"Do you like swimming?" he asked.

"Yup!" I eagerly replied.

"Right answer" he curtly said.

Splash!

All breath ceased to exist, heart rapidly working overtime to get the stolen oxygen back into my lungs. The gurgled sound of water drowned all other sounds other than the cackles that would greet me as I reached the surface. Next thing I saw was Billy hurling his shirt across to where his shoes were buried in the leaves. He was nice enough to allow me a glance at his tanned muscular torso before jumping in, covering me in more water. Throwing my hair back, I ended up in stitches at his prank. Spluttering and laughing, I pushed my hands against the ripples of water and drenched him even further.

"It's on, Nightingale!" he yelled over the loud sloshing water.

In fits of laughter, we ended up completely soaked as neither one of us relented. I was determined that he would lose this! However, laughter would always be my weakness. After a minute or two, I was exhausted from how much I had been laughing and wrapped my arms around my stomach, panting heavily.

"You surrender, Nightingale?" he chuckled.

Me, give up? Oh, how little he knew me. I assumed the position of someone well and truly finished and waded through the water to approach him.

"Not so quick, Hargrove"

And with that, I dunked him under the water! Not one to be discouraged, Billy grabbed my hips and dragged me under! Finding it hard to get our breath, we came back up and breathlessly announced a ceasefire. A trickle of water flew into my face and I parted my lips in a gasp at a smirking Billy. I had no idea how close we were until he did this, and soon, I felt his wet skin against mine.

"I definitely won that" Billy chuckled and moved a stray hair stuck to my face to its rightful place.

"Oh please, dream on" I groaned jokingly and swatted some more water at him. "Anyway, it's my question now"

Paddling to the bank, he hoisted himself up and offered me a hand. Not realizing his hand was still wet, I nearly fell into the water! However, Billy was strong and clasped onto my hand again, dragging me up. Falling over, I ended up on top of him. Struggling to contain my laughter, Billy winked at me and let that signature chuckle free.

"Well, well, well, Nightingale. Seems like we've gotten ourselves in a bit of a position here" Billy laughed.

Giggling, I rolled over onto the grass and started sorting out the top that clung to my skin. No matter how much fun we were having, I was aware that if I showed any of the bruises adorning my skin, that the tone would become much darker.

"So, your question?" he asked, smirking at me.

"Do you think you'll go back to California?" I asked.

Without any bruises having to be exposed, the mood changed. All merriment dispersed as quickly as possible and only the crickets chirping in the background could be heard. Billy sighed and sat upright, moving his hand towards the beer next to me. However, his hands paused just as they reached it. Contemplating, he rested his hands on the grass and brushed them against the wet grass, trailing them along back and forth until I felt him gingerly stroke my arm. Momentarily stunned, I locked my eyes on his. One glance told me that he was unsure of so much.

"Maybe" he softly replied.

Sharply inhaling, he grabbed the beer and took a sip. And like that, the authentic Billy disappeared.

"More sun there than this shithole" he stated.

I tilted my head to examine him further. He seemed angry at something, but by the way he snuck a glimpse of me and winked again, it was guaranteed that I wasn't the one who his anger targeted. No, it ran deeper than that.

"My question" he grunted and stood up. This time, he didn't offer me his hand. Standing up independently, I watched as he put his shirt back on. "When will you leave Hawkins?"

The way he said it was so certain, like he had dove into the depths of my thoughts and discovered that I was desperate to get out of this town. He waited patiently for my answer, leaning against a tree with his arms folded. The playful Billy I had met wasn't here anymore. Instead, a serious expression etched his face and his stare was fixated on me. I had opened up something here and immediately started to regret it.

"For college" I replied as simply as I could. If I were to get into the web of reasons why leaving Hawkins would be good for me, we would be here until the sun made its descent for the day.

"Just for college?" he dubiously inquired.

"Why else would I leave?" I asked, furrowing my brow.

I was worried about where this conversation was leading us to. How could I even begin to explain that I wanted to leave so I could forge a new identity for myself, to abandon the memories that had inflicted so much pain onto me? Divulging my silent prayers to be given just an ounce of a chance to not receive judgmental glares from my neighbors who assumed I would follow in my mother's footsteps was not an option here.

"Well, that's up to you, Nightingale" he sighed and fumbled in his pockets for his car keys. "Come on, we'll both be off sick from school if we stick around here in wet clothes"

Meeting him outside of the car, my hands froze as they gripped onto the door handle. There was a certain doubt to his question of me leaving that sat uncomfortably with me, like that queasy feeling you get at the top of your stomach before you vomit. I couldn't put my finger on why it had unsettled me so much. It was a culmination of fear, dread and uncertainty all at once, just flooding my veins. A familiar icy cold sweat ran slowly down my body and I knew right there that I couldn't get into his car.

"We standing around all day, Nightingale?" he asked.

My eyes flickered up to see Billy also standing adjacent to me. The panic that had suddenly possessed me grew stronger. My hands shook as they clutched onto the door handle, so tightly that my bones threatened to rupture skin. I wanted to cry. I wanted to identify what it was about his question that triggered this off.

"Do you think I'll stay in Hawkin's?" I meekly asked.

And there it was.

The demon to my anxiety, the excruciating doubt that hovered over every single plan of mine to leave. I couldn't get into his car, not because I was afraid of driving in a car with Billy, but because I knew I couldn't control myself from asking him to get me the hell out of here. Once my tranquil paradise, The Communion contorted into my living nightmare. It was well away from Hawkins. But it was still here.

"Do you want to?" he simply queried.

"What?" I abruptly questioned.

"I said, do you want to?" Billy repeated.

He had said it as if it all were so effortless. Like I could jump in my car and leave this place. Theoretically, there was nothing stopping me. I had savings, a car with plenty of gas and could do whatever I pleased. In reality, there was so much stopping me. If I could confidently say Zack would be left in safe hands, then I would go. If I had enough self-belief that I could make friends other than the ones I had made before I could even talk, then I would go. If I got accepted into college, in that pretend world of mine I would go.

The imaginary realm where I could breeze around another city where no one knew me could at times be so potent that I would find myself waltzing around the house as if it were real. Only to be reminded that it wasn't. Zack would ask for dinner and I would dutifully cook it, or my father would stumble in with his latest girlfriend. Then all of a sudden, the world would shatter as if someone threw a rock at a mirror. Whenever I would look in that mirror, I was met with the stark truth that I was just a girl covered in bruises who submitted to her father and never once fought back. And the truth was, I wanted to kill her.

"One day" I replied and got into his car.

"My turn" he said, abandoning the previous topic like a stray piece of trash. "What's your favorite color?"

"I thought you disapproved of such banal questions" I murmured.

Continuing to stare straight ahead of me as he reversed, I heard the click of a cigarette lighter followed by the acrid smell of nicotine. The burning smell grew more pungent and I turned my head to find that Billy wasn't actually smoking it. He was offering it to me. Hesitant to accept his kind gesture, I accepted it with a nod of acknowledgement. Bringing it to my lips, I felt the smoke roll over my tongue as I inhaled and watched, hypnotized, as it nonchalantly twirled. It had been a while since I smoked, but God did it feel good when trying to alleviate a panic attack. Without even having to look, I could feel his eyes on me.

"It's also blue." I finally responded.

"Now that wasn't difficult, was it?" he replied, mimicking my words from earlier with the same, if not more, sarcastic tone. He was about to light up his own cigarette until I passed mine to him. "I guess I'll stay here for a bit longer. But, only on one condition"

"What's that?" I asked.

"You make it worth my while"