Near Belkadan, the fleet grew one, two, three transports at a time as ships dropped out of a nearby hyperspace lane and shrank at a nearly identical rate as outpost assignments were transmitted. The Millennium Falcon stalled in place, near Home One, not as a result of a defect of the ship, but so Leia could establish a secure connection with Mon Mothma.
She'd taken General Rieekan's datapad into Han's cabin and sat on the bunk, back against the bulkhead, thighs drawn to her chest, datapad resting on her knees. She knew she looked…not great, but she'd at least managed to tame her hair into a respectable-enough crown braid before Mon's transmission came through.
The woman looked exhausted and somehow older than the last time Leia saw her mere weeks prior. Maybe we all look older. Do I?
"Leia," Mon said softly in greeting. "I'm so glad you're all right."
Leia gave her a small smile, I'll never be all right again pounding in her head as she tried to come up with a more gracious response. "Thank you. I'm glad too."
"Where are you right now?"
"On a freighter near the rendezvous point."
"Freighter?"
Leia nodded. "The contractor who helped Luke Skywalker get me off the Death Star offered to transport a few beings and supplies for us. I'm on his ship."
"Right. Captain Solo, was it?" Leia nodded. "Sounds like you're in good hands."
Leia had to fight to not let out a snort. Mon would not say that if she'd seen even five seconds of the rescue mission. But Leia felt she wasn't wrong; she was in good hands. Even if the man those hands belonged to thought her likely to break within days. "It seems so."
The quiet that followed emphasized the fact that they were in uncharted waters. Leia wasn't sure what to say and Mon appeared to be in the same headspace. Do I say I'm sorry for her loss? She lost people, too. She and Dad and Mom were friends, and I'm sure she lost others…
"Words cannot begin to describe how sorry I am, Leia," Mon finally said. "You've been through so much."
"We all have," Leia said somewhat mechanically. It was a phrase she'd repeated countless times since landing on Yavin. She wasn't the only one suffering devastating losses. She needed them to know she knew that.
"We have," Mon agreed. "But you especially."
Tears pricked at Leia's eyes and she pressed her fingernails into her collarbone to stave them off. She nodded, words failing her entirely.
"This is a precarious time. The destruction of the Death Star is a massive win for us, and, at the risk of sounding insensitive, Alderaan has woken up many who previously believed themselves untouchable by the Empire. But losing Yavin sets us back in some ways—"
Leia felt the sudden need to defend herself. "I didn't tell them. I—I never told them where the base was." She heard the panic in her own voice, but couldn't figure out how to regulate it, how to sound like her normal, calm self. I sounded calm on the Death Star of all places. I can't sound calm now? "We—I—we knew they were probably tracking the ship when we escaped, but we had the plans and I had to make a decision so I told Captain Solo to go to Yavin. But I never told the Empire. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Mon's expression softened sympathetically. "I'm not blaming you, Leia. You made the best decision possible in an impossible situation. I would have done the same thing."
Leia nodded, though the words hardly helped. She was Bail and Breha Organa's daughter. She should have been able to come up with some alternative, something that wouldn't have resulted in an evacuation. This was the kind of mistake she would've made at sixteen, when she'd stumbled upon her parents' involvement in the Rebellion and she didn't understand how everything worked. It wasn't a mistake she should've made over three years into helping with Alliance missions.
"I've been informed you want to join the rank," Mon Mothma continued.
Leia nodded. "Senate's dissolved. Even if it weren't, I'm a wanted criminal, so I doubt I can just land on Coruscant like nothing's happened. My home is gone. My family is…" Leia closed her eyes for a moment, nails digging into her collarbone again. When she was certain she could continue without tears, she looked at Mon again. "This is a cause I believe in. It's a cause I've believed in since I found out it existed. I've been helping behind the scenes for years. I need to be involved." This is all I have left.
"I understand, Leia, but I think there may be a more appropriate spot for you than fighting."
Leia set her jaw. I want to fight, though. Since she'd been able to get some sleep, since some of the shock had worn off, she'd felt a sort of nervous agitation building in her body and mind. Some instinct deep inside her told her that physically doing something was the only way the strange, coiling tension would finally release. Otherwise, she felt as if it just might strangle her.
"I'm a good shot and a decent pilot," Leia objected. "I'm not afraid to work hard. I'm not afraid."
"This has nothing to do with lack of ability in those areas. But you're trained in the political arena. You're a good negotiator and a strong speaker and you have a compelling story. The Alliance would benefit more from having you in a recognizable role rather than lost in the trenches." Mon Mothma paused. "I'm offering you a place in High Command, Leia."
Leia stared at Mon for a moment, her mind stalling in a way that felt distinctly not like her. Her voice all but evaporated, the words exiting her mouth as a faint whisper. "Like Dad?" The mere idea was overwhelming. Bail had done so much…so much. Leia didn't even know a fraction of what he'd accomplished in his years with the Rebellion.
Mon's eyes glistened. She blinked a few times before speaking. "Not the same role. We wouldn't expect—But, yes, a spot in Command."
Not the same role. That was a relief. "What would I do?"
"We are about to start an aggressive campaign to attract as much support for the Alliance as possible. We need to move quickly while the Death Star is fresh in everyone's minds. You would speak on what you know of Imperial atrocities via recorded holo and encourage enlistment. If we can set up meetings with interested leaders, you would be one of the ones meeting with them to negotiate terms and win sympathy to the cause."
Something in Leia's stomach turned. What she described wasn't bad; it was necessary. But Leia wasn't sure if it was truly in line with what she wanted—needed—to do. "Where will I be? Which outpost?"
Mon Mothma hesitated and Leia wondered if the woman thought Leia was gearing up for a fight. She'd known Leia for years, knew how stubborn she could be, had no doubt heard stories from Bail and Breha on top of her firsthand experience. If she wants me off-base and she's expecting a fight, she isn't wrong.
"We have several safe houses."
Leia shook her head slightly, but didn't object entirely yet. She had more questions. "So, I just spend my time doing nothing until someone needs me to record messages or meet with dignitaries?"
"There will be other work as well. Trust me, there's no end to it."
"But I'd be separated from everyone."
"You wouldn't be alone, Leia. But, you wouldn't be with the rank, that's correct."
"You want a figurehead." Her tone wasn't kind, but Leia wasn't feeling particularly kind, though her own irritation confused her. Mon's suggestion wasn't unreasonable. But everything else had already slipped away from her; the idea of doing something with the pain, of translating it into fieldwork and blaster shots and dogfights, was something she'd clung to for a couple of days. She needed to do something, not sit around until the Alliance had a very specific need for her Senatorial skillset.
"The work is important and would benefit the cause."
"The work benefitting the cause and me being a toothless figurehead aren't mutually exclusive ideas."
Mon sighed, her expression communicating the exhaustion and defeat the chancellor clearly felt. Leia felt a pang of guilt. She didn't mean to vex the woman; she respected her a great deal. But Leia couldn't waste away in a safe house. If she had to live separated from the masses and without regular tasks, if she was only trotted out on special occasions or when the Alliance needed a boost in numbers, she might actually lose her mind.
I think you got maybe a week before she breaks.
Before Mon Mothma was able to rebut, Leia spoke up again. "I have no objection to doing whatever is needed, but I want to stay on base and be given base duties as time allows. I can't sit back and do nothing. Not now."
Mon appeared mildly wounded and it occurred a little too late to Leia that she'd implied the chancellor was doing nothing merely by remaining in a safe house. The older woman didn't address the implication, though. Instead, she seemed to give Leia's proposal some thought before nodding ever-so-slightly. "I understand. Let me talk to Carlist and we'll come up with something so your ship can head on its way."
They said their goodbyes and Leia emerged from the cabin, handing the datapad to General Rieekan so he and Mon could speak before heading to the cockpit. Han and Chewbacca were in their seats having a quiet conversation. Han turned and met her gaze before Leia reached the entrance of the small space.
"Still waitin' on a location," he grumbled. "Don't love just sittin' here."
"General Rieekan should have one for you shortly," Leia assured him cheerily. She could feel herself overcompensating, trying to mask how much the words she'd overhead two nights prior had stung. He and General Rieekan still didn't know she'd heard their conversation, and Leia didn't feel it necessary to punish them for it, though Han's words about her breaking looped in her head any time she had more than a few minutes of quiet. He would be gone as soon as they landed and she wouldn't have to think about him again. In the meantime, she could be cordial, friendly.
Han gave her a surly look. "We're prime targets to get boarded stayin' in one spot without landing."
"Well, it must be some comfort to know if we get boarded by the Empire, you can just tell them you were on your way to deliver Public Enemy Number One to them. Collect my bounty. You have my blessing."
Leia had been joking — it was the only way she knew how to talk about the absurdity that was the bounty attached to her name. It wasn't until Han's expression fell she realized her tone might not have communicated her intent. He looked downright wounded.
"Wouldn't do that," he muttered. "Ever."
She considered him for a moment before laughing quietly. "You are the worst mercenary I've ever encountered."
Han's expression shifted slightly — still affronted, but it seemed more like an act than genuine hurt this time. "I've been a lotta things, Worship, but I'm no bounty hunter, and I ain't helpin' the Empire either."
Leia rolled her eyes. "Ten million credits for a stranger who doesn't affect your life even a little bit aside from annoying you and stealing your bunk, and you don't even consider it?" He shook his head. "Yeah, you're definitely all about the profit."
"I'm about the profit," Han insisted, "but I got standards."
Chewbacca howled with laughter at the idea and Leia had to purse her lips to not giggle at the Wookiee's amusement. Han's eyes traveled between them suspiciously, as if he suspected a conspiracy against him.
Leia rested her chin on her fist. "Weren't you running spice just last week?"
Han glanced toward the corridor leading away from the cockpit, eyes slightly wide. "Keep it down, will ya?" he said in a low voice.
This was strange, stranger even than refusing to consider turning her in for an unfathomably high bounty. Leia tilted her head slightly, doing little to hide her amusement. "You care what he thinks of you." He looked at her, confused — or at least feigning confusion. "The general," she offered as explanation. "You don't want him knowing you ran spice because you care what he thinks of you."
"Sweetheart, I don't care what anyone thinks of me."
Chewbacca smacked Han on the shoulder in a playful gesture Leia interpreted to mean Good one, Han.
"I doubt he'll care as long as it's not currently on board," Leia mused. "It's not as if we have any delusions about your…" She glanced over him pointedly. "…standards."
That had, admittedly, felt a little mean, but Leia was having trouble filtering what left her mouth. The smuggler seemed to cause her mouth to override every diplomatic stop her mind tried to throw up. Her thoughts kept spilling out in words with no warning and little consideration of how they sounded.
Han stared at her before looking to Chewbacca again, incredulous. "Someone's in fine form after a couple nights' sleep." He turned back to Leia. "Yeah, okay, I've moved spice. But I don't deal in beings. No slave transport, no black market orphans, no bounty hunting. Nothin' that treats sentients like product."
Leia couldn't help but smile, feeling somewhat triumphant at his admission. Before she could say anything more, General Rieekan entered the cockpit.
"We have our assignment. We need to make a series of jumps to avoid detection."
Han and Chewbacca looked over the list General Rieekan held. "Headed into Wild Space," Han murmured. "You sure you know what you're gettin' into, General?"
The older man didn't offer anything in way of explanation. "It's where we're headed."
"Which planet?" Leia asked, though she wasn't sure she knew the names of any planets in Wild Space. The area was, by definition, officially unmapped.
"You won't know it," Han said flatly.
Leia bristled and glared at the back of his head. The nerve of the man… "You don't know what I know." You don't know anything about me. 'You got maybe a week before she breaks.' Unbelievable.
Han turned in his seat to face her. "You spend a lot of your free time memorizing the names of uncharted planets, Worship?"
She scowled. "I think you don't know it and you don't like the idea of me knowing about a planet you're not familiar with."
Han raised a finger in objection, but General Rieekan broke in before he could speak. "We're headed to Indoumodo," he told Leia, clearly hoping that would be the end of the conversation.
Leia did her best to maintain a neutral expression, though Han had been right: she'd never heard of that planet in her life.
"You know that one?" he asked.
"Do you?" she shot back, holding his gaze.
He waved her off with a huff and turned back to the navigation panel. "Trip'll take eighty hours give or take," he announced to the group.
Leia's heart sank. She was already feeling a bit stir-crazy on the freighter. With not much to do and little inclination to strike up conversation with strangers, she'd spent the bulk of the two days they'd spent on-board in Han's cabin. She wasn't sure how she would occupy herself for another eighty hours. She wasn't regretting her choice — there was no way she'd have felt comfortable on a corvette — but she was eager to actually land somewhere.
"That long?" she asked faintly.
"Like I said, it's in Wild Space," Han said tersely. "Still gettin' you there faster than your original transport woulda."
"That wasn't—I wasn't criticizing." She shook her head and offered the only excuse she could think of without having to manifest the words to explain her state of mind. "I'm tired. Apologies."
They made several jumps to various locations per General Rieekan's instructions to confuse anyone who might decide to try to follow them. When they again settled into the hyperspace lane they'd be in for the bulk of the trip, the older man unlatched his crash webbing and looked at Leia. "We should talk about what to expect at the outpost."
"I've been to outposts before."
"You haven't lived on one." He jerked his head toward the corridor the led out of the cockpit before standing and exiting the space. Leia followed him into the lounge, noting that the others were nowhere to be found. They'd been spending a lot of time in the crew cabin themselves. Leia understood the impulse.
General Rieekan sat at the dejarik table and Leia followed suit. "Mon was really hoping you'd agree to a safe house," he began.
"Yes," Leia said dryly. "She made that quite clear."
"I think it's what your parents would've wanted as well."
"I know," she responded quickly. "I know they'd want me tucked away somewhere safe until the entire war ends. That's what they always wanted. But I also know they'd understand why I can't do that." She paused, a small smile lifting the corners of her mouth. "Well, Mom would understand. Dad would take some convincing. He was always…" Leia paused, formulating her thoughts. "He always seemed of two minds about it. As if he was hesitant to have me involved; he was downright resistant at first, but once I was in it…We felt like partners almost." She shook her head slightly. "I know we weren't. I know there's a lot he couldn't tell me. But we worked together well. He trusted me." He shouldn't have. But he did.
"Bail knew you would follow him into the flames if he asked," General Rieekan said. "He wanted your participation to be your choice, not driven by him or his own involvement."
Leia's heart ached. That sounded like her father: conscientious to the end, especially where his family was concerned. She bit her lip and swallowed hard. "Sounds about right." She sighed. "General Rieekan, if you're going to try to convince me—"
"We're all going to Indoumodo, Princess. We're not dropping you at a safe house on the way."
She nodded. "Good."
General Rieekan hesitated for so long that Leia's nerves activated again. She felt queasy and pressed her fingernail into the knuckle of her thumb to act as a point of focus. "This is standard operating procedure, but new recruits have to undergo a psychological evaluation. It's usually done pretty quickly after signing up, but given the circumstances—"
"That's fine," Leia interrupted, speaking a little too quickly. A week before she breaks ran through her head yet again.
He considered her carefully. "You're sure? You've been through an ordeal."
She nodded. "I have, but I survived and I press on." We have no time for sorrows. "I want to be treated like anyone else."
General Rieekan hesitated for so long that Leia began to second-guess her choice. When he finally nodded and said, "Very good," she didn't feel the relief she'd expected to.
"Do you think me fragile, General?" she asked, her voice quiet but firm.
The older man's eyebrows shot up in surprise, as if the idea were completely foreign to him. "Not fragile, Your Highness. Never that. Human, though. And we humans have our limits."
Leia nodded, considering his words. "Mon says she wants me in Command."
"So do I."
"Not in the ranks," she continued. "I didn't say yes. Or no." General Rieekan shrugged slightly without comment. Leia pressed on, bitterness she wasn't even sure she felt dripping from every syllable. "She wants a sympathetic figurehead. I imagine I'm too human for much else."
"Leia," General Rieekan's use of her first name stripped of her title again caught her by surprise. "She wants you in the place that makes the most sense both for your skillset and for the Alliance."
Leia shook her head, unnerved by her inability to articulate her concerns. She was Bail's daughter. She'd followed in his footsteps in the Senate; following in his footsteps in Command wasn't an unreasonable idea. And yet… "It's going to look like nepotism, a nineteen-year-old in Command. Can't be good for morale."
"The very fact that that's one of your first thoughts makes you more qualified than most."
She considered this, her mind slinging her backward in time to her early objections to the idea of taking her father's place in the Senate.
I don't want to be a senator.
It is why you'll probably be one of the best.
"Though, I disagree, Your Highness," General Rieekan continued. "I think having you in Command will do only positive things for morale."
Leia nodded, her thoughts on the matter jumbled. Despite all her objections, she trusted Mon Mothma; she trusted General Rieekan. If both of them were in favor of the idea…
"I'll consider it."
They landed in a swamp. It was a tense landing with limited visibility and unclear instructions from whichever officer spoke to Han. They'd been pointed in the direction of allegedly dry land, but the second the Millennium Falcon touched down, it was obvious they weren't on solid ground. Han, Chewbacca, and General Rieekan insisted on disembarking first while Leia hung back on the ship with the two Alderaanian men.
She'd learned their names — it would've been utterly indecent to travel a total of five days together and still not know them, even if she had kept to the cabin and the cockpit most of the time. Tycho Celchu was a pilot who'd made a speedy emergency landing on Yavin when his ship was hit multiple times. He said they'd stripped it for parts on the moon, but the ship itself was beyond repair, hence his need for a ride. Col Tugrina — younger brother of the doctor who'd treated Leia in the med center — was a mechanic. They were both in General Rieekan's chain of command. He'd brought them with him on the trip to give them time to process Alderaan without being surrounded by hundreds of people on a transport.
Leia wasn't sure how much any of them had processed anything, but they'd all started to really feel the relatively small size of the ship after so much time in space, and everyone had become snippy with one another three days after leaving Yavin. Han had apparently taken it upon himself to remedy this by teaching them how to play a variation of sabacc called Corellian Spike a couple of nights before they landed, which acted as enough of a distraction to keep most baseless irritation at bay.
It had not, however, stopped Han from casually accusing Leia of cheating when she'd won three rounds in a row the night before they arrived on Indoumodo, which had led to an entire evening of mostly toothless bickering and mild trash talk that would have earned her an hour-long lecture about decorum had one of her family members been present. As it was, she had received a few raised eyebrows from General Rieekan, and Tycho and Col had seemed unsure of what to do with her exhibiting any persona aside from whatever they were used to seeing from afar. Leia had almost apologized to everyone at breakfast, but then Han brought up cheating again and Leia decided that nothing she'd said the night before actually warranted an apology. She continued to insist on her innocence for the rest of the meal, even when her own thoughts urged her to drop it.
Han walked back through the ship a few seconds after leaving and entered his cabin, seemingly on a mission. Leia had been watching Tycho and Col play dejarik, but found herself glancing at the cabin door repeatedly. She'd packed up all of her things that morning and thought she'd left the room neat, but she couldn't always tell what would draw out the captain's grumpiness. She was fairly certain that leaving her own mark in delicate print on the bulkhead next to his bunk would do just that, and she hoped he wouldn't see what she'd written until he and Chewbacca were long gone. She already felt embarrassed by her impulsive actions.
He emerged wearing knee-high waterproof boots and looked over the trio sitting at the holochess table. "It's all swamp an' jungle out there," he said. "Tryin' to figure out if the ship's okay to move. Hold tight for a few."
Curiosity getting the better of her, Leia stood up and followed Han as far as the ramp that led outside. He glanced back at her and rolled his eyes, but didn't address her. She walked halfway down the ramp and looked around.
The humidity hit her in a way that was nearly overwhelming, prohibiting her from inhaling deeply and enveloping her body like a shroud. The tunic and leggings she wore were lightweight, but they covered from her wrists to her ankles, and Leia wasn't sure how long she'd be able to last in long sleeves in this climate. Hopefully long enough for any wounds that were still visible to heal.
The planet was indeed all swamp and jungle as Han had described, and the Falcon had most certainly not landed on dry land. The bottom of the ramp was covered in swamp water. Han and Chewbacca wandered around the outside of the ship assessing for damage while General Rieekan stood off to the side in shin-high water, speaking with a couple of officers. His boots weren't tall or waterproof. Leia couldn't imagine he was comfortable. Meters away, on the dry land they were presumably supposed to have landed on, Leia saw a collection of tents along with some partially constructed portable structures.
"Not much of an outpost," Han said, slogging through the mire toward the ramp.
"No, it isn't," Leia murmured. She turned to face him and found that her spot on the ramp brought her eye-to-eye with the much taller man. She noticed his eyes, which she'd previously clocked as brown, were actually hazel, the mixture of green, brown, and gold much more evident close-up and illuminated by sunlight. "Is your ship okay?"
"She'll be all right. We've gotten her outta worse, and I don't think water's gone anywhere it shouldn't."
"Good."
A restrained smirk crossed Han's face. "'Course, that doesn't fix the vandalization of my cabin wall."
Leia pursed her lips and looked away from him. While she wouldn't have considered adding a short sentence to the mess of notes on the cabin bulkhead vandalism, she couldn't deny what she'd done nor could she claim the action wasn't tinged with spite. She said nothing.
"Saw the numbers. Looked like a countdown. Don't recognize the language, though."
She nodded slowly in acknowledgement. The line of numerals counting down from seven with all but two crossed out would be readable to anyone who knew Aurebesh; the Alderaanian text would not. "No, I suppose you wouldn't," she said. "Not many do." Alderaanian wasn't a dead language, but it was rarely spoken, even on Alderaan. Basic had been the planet's standard for years. Now, considering how few people in the Galaxy knew the language, it might actually die out in a generation or two. The thought felt like a punch to the gut.
"You gonna tell me what it says or am I gonna hafta track down that droid of Luke's?"
"He's technically mine," she said faintly. Threepio had served the House of Organa for as long as Leia could remember. Leia felt a twinge of regret at the thought. She hadn't told the droid who she was flying with. She hadn't seen him since the medal ceremony. He was probably worried about her.
Han might have said something else, but she got lost in thought looking once again across the water at the tents. She wondered if she'd be sharing one with someone or if they each had their own. She didn't much care either way; she was a relatively sound sleeper and had never minded sharing space. She just wanted to know something, anything about the next few days that was certain.
"Leia! Han!" Leia jerked her head in the direction of the voice and grinned at the sight of Luke waving to them from close to camp. Relief flooded over her. She knew there were three or four outpost assignment possibilities, and there had been no guarantee that she and Luke would end up at the same place. She was so glad they had; she felt as if they had a sort of understanding about each other already, even though she knew she'd confused him before he'd left Yavin.
Luke wore boots similar to Han's and stepped gingerly into the swamp water before walking slowly toward them. He hugged Han before climbing onto the ramp and throwing his arms around Leia. She gave him a squeeze back, doing her best to ignore the pain still radiating from her ribs. When they parted, she got a closer look at Luke's boots and looked at Han quizzically.
"How do you have the same boots we issue?"
Han raised his eyebrows and smirked. "Think the question you should be askin' is why a bunch of rebels have Imperial-issue swamp trooper boots."
He seemed to think she'd find this information shocking or concerning. Leia shrugged nonchalantly, somewhat pleased with the idea of surprising him. "Because I took a cargo hold full of them on a diplomatic mission and a bunch of rebels stole my ship before they could be unloaded." She bit her lip, barely trying to stifle a mischievous smile. "Oops."
Han chuckled and shook his head. "That happen a lot?"
"More often than you'd think. Probably should have fired my security detail." Leia pursed her lips. "Why do you have swamp trooper boots? Is that the property you stole?"
"No. I mean, yes, I took 'em with me. But considering they tried to kill me while I was wearin' 'em, I figured they probably wouldn't miss 'em."
Han shielded his eyes from the sun, surveying the dry land. Leia studied his profile for a moment. Kill him? she thought. She wondered what he'd done for the Empire to mark him for execution. It could've been anything.
"I've never seen this much water before," Luke said, staring at the murky landscape in wonder.
"In a week, you'll never want to see this much water again," Han said, clapping his hand on Luke's shoulder affectionately.
They had to move the Falcon to dry land, Han and Chewbacca both said. Otherwise, the supplies the ship held would end up waterlogged during unloading. Leia boarded the ship along with pilot and copilot, far from eager to wade through the swamp in her leggings and short boots unless absolutely necessary. Luke followed her, asking about their flight, his arm slung around her shoulder as if they were old friends.
The landing went much smoother the second time and Leia was the first to disembark from the ship. Stepping on land felt strange after so many days in space. The soil felt boggier than she'd expected when looking at it from afar, but it was at least solid ground.
Luke, who'd been on the planet an entire three hours before the Millennium Falcon landed, offered to show Leia around the best he could. She was glad to take him up on the offer. As the pair began to step away from the freighter, Han called after Leia.
"Still waitin' on that translation, Your Worship."
Leia looked over her shoulder at him, brow arched. He looked smug, like he was enjoying their back-and-forth on the topic a little too much. She shrugged ever-so-slightly before responding, "It says, 'Days until the princess breaks.'"
She didn't stick around to hear his response.
Night fell quickly on Indoumodo with barely a streak of orange across the sky to warn of the cooler air and impending darkness. Leia was reminded of solar eclipses. The speed with which the sun fell black during those events always unnerved her even when she had warning. It was even eerier without a hint of what was going on.
Only a couple of soft-sided outpost structures had been constructed, the rest being left for the next day. Dinners of self-heating rations and bars were distributed to groups sitting around a number of campfires. Leia sat between Luke and Wedge, observing Han and Chewbacca sitting at another fire, talking to some of the pilots. Han was laughing loudly at something Shara Bey had said and Leia wondered briefly if the man knew she was married. Truly not your business, Leia. And people are allowed to laugh together regardless of marital status.
Han's talk about leaving as soon as the ship was unloaded had obviously amounted to nothing. Leia hadn't spoken with him since she'd interpreted her vandalism for him — she'd felt mildly mortified by how childish it all seemed — but she'd heard he'd agreed to stick around to help get the outpost set up. General Rieekan had seemed pleased; the majority of personnel stationed on Indoumodo had been assigned to Yavin after the base was operational. They hadn't had to lay groundwork before. Han, apparently, had some experience it getting an outpost up and running. Of course he does.
Leia stirred her rations and took a small bite, unsure of what she was eating. She hadn't bothered to read the label and wasn't able to identify the contents by taste or the limited light of their campfire. It wasn't bad exactly, but she couldn't imagine eating similar things nonstop for years.
Better get to imagining. You're here now. You wanted this.
The thought was fraught at best. Leia hadn't wanted any of this. It had been the best option of the limited few she'd been offered, but if she thought about what she wanted…She didn't even know how to address the idea. Her life as royalty had always dictated that duty came before all else, and in that duty, she'd found a great deal of fulfillment and purpose. She hadn't spent a lot of time thinking about what she wanted without the strict guidance of duty to her planet, to her people. Doing so would have only bred discontent.
Doing so had resulted in Kier Domadi's death.
Leia stared at the campfire in front of her, thoughts of Kier bubbling up for the first time in quite awhile. His grave, only three years old, was gone now, rubble floating through the vacuum of space where Alderaan should have been. He had encouraged her to consider herself beyond her duties. And look where that got him.
His death wasn't entirely Leia's fault. She knew that. She hadn't asked him to come after her, had no way of knowing he would fly a cutter halfway across the galaxy to make sure she was okay, had no way of knowing he'd fly so close to a building set to self-destruct. Maybe she should have known. He cared for her — they'd cared for each other. She'd spent so much time with him in the short months they'd been together, had kissed him, had let him take her hair down.
Maybe she should've known that he would want to come to her rescue.
Either way, if she'd stayed focused on her duties, they wouldn't have been involved. He wouldn't have even known where she'd been headed. He wouldn't have known about the Alliance. He would still be alive.
At least until last week.
Luke's voice drew her attention again to her surroundings. He was holding a stack of empty ration containers, evidently collecting garbage. He gestured at her mostly-eaten dinner. "You done, Leia?"
"Oh." She nodded and handed her container to him. "Yes. Thank you."
"Seems like a good kid," Wedge said in a low voice as Luke walked away with their refuse.
Leia nodded. "He does."
"Doesn't use your title."
"I told him to call me Leia. Captain Solo as well."
Wedge studied her for a second, a look of understanding crossing his face. "You want that passed around base?"
Leia averted her eyes and shrugged. "Alderaanians are going to have a hard time not using my title, and I don't want to cause them any more pain."
"Everyone else, I mean. I can get Janson on it. He's the biggest gossip in the Alliance."
She laughed weakly, eyes on her hands. "I'll think about it." Leia tapped her wrist with her thumb before looking up at Wedge again. "You—You had to do the psych exam, didn't you?"
He nodded, brow slightly furrowed. "We all do."
"What's it like?"
Wedge shrugged. "Don't remember it bein' that big of a deal. Why? Afraid someone won't pass?"
He glanced at Luke who'd struck up conversation with Tycho across the way. Leia shook her head, trying to decide how much to divulge. She knew Wedge well enough — he'd accompanied her on more than his share of missions and proven to be both kind and wise in many ways. Bail had trusted him — not implicitly; she knew the pilot had had to earn it — but fully.
"I'm joining. Officially."
Wedge nodded. "Figured as much since you're here. Where're they putting you?"
Leia shrugged. "That's the question of the week, it seems." She lowered her voice. "Mon wants me in Command. So does General Rieekan. I—I don't know if it's appropriate. I'm only nineteen. I'm not a military expert or a strategist. I'm not my dad."
"You wanting to join the rank?"
She nodded, pressing her fingernail lightly into the knuckle of her thumb. "That was the idea."
"You're a good shot. Not a bad pilot either, least if your dad was to be believed. I'm sure we'll be glad to have you."
Leia swallowed at the mention of her father and forced a small smile. "I want to be legitimately enlisted, you know? Not just allowed in because of my parents. I think I'm going to turn down the Command position. I—I shouldn't be given a place just because of my dad."
Wedge didn't respond for several moments, but his expression made it clear that he had something to say. The hum of the quiet conversations nearby and the crackling of campfires filled Leia's ears as she waited for him to collect his thoughts. The sound of a shuddering, quiet sob caught her attention and Leia noticed Tycho had his face buried in his hands. Luke patted his shoulder somewhat awkwardly. Meters away, a gasp drew Leia's attention to Shara. General Rieekan stood near her, speaking to her quietly.
"He made it?" Shara said, eyes wide, relief clear on her face. Kes, her husband, must've arrived at his assigned outpost.
"Leia," Wedge said carefully, drawing her attention back to him. "All due respect, but this whole thing is too important for them to be putting you somewhere you don't deserve because of nepotism. I don't think Mon Mothma or Rieekan would want you somewhere you shouldn't be just because they knew Bail. Bail wouldn't have wanted that."
"Bail would want me in a safe house, same as Mon," Leia said quietly.
"Well," Wedge said with a small smile, "I think we both know Bail didn't always get what he wanted when it came to what you were willing to do."
Leia chuckled and nodded, pressing her lips together. She felt tears in her eyes, but they didn't seem the debilitating kind, so she wiped them roughly with her palm rather than attempting to resist them. "I'm surprised I never gave him a heart attack."
"Came close a coupla times, I think," Wedge said, laughing.
"I suppose so," she said, smiling.
After a beat of silence, Wedge continued speaking, his tone serious. "I'm just saying, they aren't going to suggest something that would be a liability to the Alliance just because of who you are. This all…what we've accomplished, what we've sacrificed…it's bigger than all of us. They're not going to put it all at risk for the sake of your ego or even to honor your parents. It's too important."
Leia nodded slowly, taking his words in. They were blunt, but a comfort. She still wasn't sure what she wanted to do—or what she'd be allowed to do—but, Wedge was right; she could trust Mon and General Rieekan to not make decisions simply because of title or status.
"Solo stickin' around?" Wedge asked after a few moments of quiet.
Leia shrugged. "Apparently."
"He's Corellian, you know that?"
She raised an eyebrow and glanced at Han before turning back to Wedge. "Oh?" Wedge was from Corellia, but he and Han seemed so…different. What a ridiculous thought. It's an entire planet. Of course they're different.
Wedge nodded. "Accent sounds like he might be from Coronet City." He tapped the side of his own leg emphatically. "He wears bloodstripes."
Leia glanced at Han quickly again, taking note of the red piping that ran down the side of his pants. "What does that mean?"
"It's an award given out by the Corellian military for courage demonstrated after deliberation. Red's first class, yellow's second class." Wedge looked Leia in the eye. "Red are almost always awarded posthumously. They're a big deal."
Leia's eyes widened and she lowered her voice. "You don't think they're stolen valor, do you? He went AWOL from the military."
"Leia," Wedge said seriously, "so did I. So did Hobbie and Dodonna."
She shook her head. "I don't mean that going AWOL is a problem. Just…He'd have to have been stripped of the honor, right?"
Wedge shook his head. "Corellian military couldn't care less what you did or didn't do for the Empire. If he earned 'em, he earned 'em."
"Oh." Leia felt a pang of guilt over how quickly she'd assumed Han was trying to deceive them. He hadn't lied to her yet she was pretty sure. I'm just upset about the breaking thing. Still. As if the man's limited understanding of her as a person was even a little important.
The evening wore on and the rank dispersed, piling into tents for the night. Luke had been close to falling over asleep when Leia cajoled him into leaving the fire for bed. He'd only resisted the suggestion for a moment, urging her to get rest herself as he wandered off. Leia made no promises. Her internal clock was a complete wreck and she doubted she'd be able to get to sleep easily. She was sharing a tent with Shara and didn't want to risk keeping the other woman awake with tossing and turning, so she remained by the fire as the crowd dwindled and night watch took over.
Leia wrapped her arms around her knees and scooted closer to the dying campfire, watching the trajectory of the night watchmen as they made their rounds. There was a consistency to their movements, a comforting sort of pattern that helped quiet Leia's mind as she observed them.
When Han sat next to her, her body reacted quicker than she could think, muscles coiled and heart nearly breaking through her ribs. Some part of her tried to run away, but her legs were still locked behind her arms. Leia went sprawling on the spongy ground before she had a chance to process what had happened, pain shooting through her ribs and leaving her a little breathless.
"Hey, easy," Han said quietly, shoving his hand in his jacket pockets. "Didn't mean to startle ya."
Leia pushed herself back into a sitting position, brushing her side free of debris. She pulled her legs to her chest again, the buffer feeling more necessary than ever, and briefly regarded Han before staring into the fire again. "I'm fine." She wasn't; she was trembling like she had the night they'd evacuated, but he didn't need to know that.
"Right. How could I possibly have thought otherwise?" Han said flatly.
Something about him seemed tense. Leia couldn't put her finger on what — his was speaking in that lazy drawl that seemed to scream calm — but her sense for that sort of thing had always been impeccable. She'd bet money that he was nervous without even having to look at him.
"Did you need something?" she asked coolly as her heart returned to a normal rhythm.
"Wanted to talk about what you wrote."
Leia shook her head slightly, eyes closed. The more she thought of her handwriting on his wall, the more embarrassed she became. "That was childish and inappropriate of me. I apologize. I can do whatever needs to be done to clean it off."
"Not worried about the bulkhead. Your handwriting's prettier'n mine anyway. 'm talkin' about what you obviously overheard."
Leia rested her chin on her knees, eyes focused on the embers winking at the base of the dying fire. "It doesn't matter. You don't know anything about me and you're leaving soon, so I likely won't see you again. Your opinion of me doesn't really hold a lot of weight."
"Right. 'Course." His tone seemed casual, unbothered. Leia had a hard time deciphering whether he was just playing it cool or if he agreed with what she'd said.
"I'm not fragile," she continued, her mouth apparently developing a mind of its own. "I'm not going to break. I didn't break after five days of interrogation." She finally looked at him, eyes narrow. "I'd like to see you do the same."
"I couldn't."
Leia hadn't expected that sort of admission from the man who'd declared he amazed even himself within minutes of their slapdash exit from the Death Star. She stared at him, a scowl on her face, searching his expression for a hint of insincerity.
"I'm serious," Han said. "I couldn't. No one can."
Leia set her jaw. Is he implying that I'm lying? "I didn't tell them anything," she said sharply.
"I know."
"You just said it's impossible."
"I'm sayin' you did something impossible. I should know. I do impossible stuff all the time." Han grinned at her. Leia was certain he was poking fun at himself and his own bluster a bit, but she had a hard time conjuring up a laugh and settled for a tight smile.
She shrugged slightly. "Okay." What's your point?
"I didn't say you were going to break," Han said, his tone far more serious than before. "I said if you kept on the way you had been, I figured you would. You hadn't slept a full night in days, Leia. 'm surprised you weren't hallucinatin'."
"You said I was in shock."
"You are," he agreed. Leia bristled at his use of present tense. "'t's not a bad thing. 't's how everyone gets through war."
"But I'll fail a psych exam if I'm not still 'numbed out' when they do it." That was what he'd said, wasn't it?
Han shrugged. "Pretty sure most would." He leaned toward her slightly, elbows planted on his knees, fingers tented. "I ain't a professional and I probably shouldn'ta said anything."
"You don't know me."
"Never claimed to. But he asked, and I'd been around ya for a few days at that point, so I said what I could about what I was seein' without going into detail about what happened."
Leia pulled her knees even closer to her chest and stared at the red stripes on Han's pants. Bloodstripes, Wedge had said. Red are almost always awarded posthumously.
I'm sayin' you did something impossible.
I should know.
I do impossible stuff all the time.
He was being kind to her in his way, she realized. He'd done something courageous, something impossible, and he'd equated her impossible thing with his. Her emotions still felt a little raw, but she was able to catch his gaze without scowling this time.
"Thank you," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "For not going into detail. General Rieekan has worked for my family for a long time, but I don't want…"
Han waved her off. "Your story to tell, Leia. I got my own if I feel like runnin' my mouth." He paused, watching her for a moment before continuing. "You gonna tell me how you heard all of that in the first place? Because I know we weren't talkin' loud."
Leia shrugged. "I have really good hearing."
Han raised his eyebrows in clear disbelief, though he stopped short of rolling his eyes. "Sure that's it, Your Worship." He stood. "Gonna get some rest."
Leia nodded and said goodnight before watching him leave. The interaction had been…strange. He hadn't apologized exactly, but he at least seemed to want her to know he didn't think she was about to break.
Which doesn't matter because he doesn't know you and he's leaving in a few days.
Still. He could've just ignored the entire situation and not spoken to her again, but he didn't. That was…surprisingly nice of him.
The fire dwindled to nearly nothing, and Leia suddenly felt very alone. Mercifully, she'd also begun to feel drowsy, so she headed to the tent Shara had shown her earlier in the evening, hopes high that she'd fall right into a deep sleep the way she had the past few nights sleeping on the Millennium Falcon.
For the first time in her life, Leia woke herself up screaming.
A/N
I'm forever debating whether these chapters should be cut in half due to their length, but I think I'm okay with rolling the way I have been so far.
Thanks for reading!