CW: Past sexual assault briefly implied but not detailed.
The negotiation was approved and Leia couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so relieved. Carlist and Mon assured her she wouldn't be alone in finding a place for the refugees — they had some time, limited though it was, and deployed pathfinders were given instructions to report prospective locations as they saw them. Leia had something new to research when she couldn't sleep, and found herself energized by the prospect of being able to take care of the Alderaanians she had encountered on Gatalenta.
Han wanted to help. He hadn't said it in so many words, but he asked about their progress at least as often as Luke and Chewie did, and had an abnormal number of opinions on where they shouldn't go. Leia might have been annoyed by his pessimism if he hadn't clearly put so much thought into his opinions. They weren't the spontaneous proclamations of someone just wanting to say his piece; he seemed to be thinking through the issue and its many complexities strategically.
"You can't just stick 'em on some backwater planet in Wild Space and hope for the best," he said when Leia mentioned a planet in the Anoth system during a game of sabacc one night. Luke had ducked out of the Falcon shortly after dinner for an overnight patrol shift, leaving Leia to hold her own with Han and Chewie.
She glanced over her winnings. She was doing all right, but she had been informed that keeping a mental tally of the cards that had been played was cheating somehow even though she knew for a fact that was how Kell Tolkani so often dominated in the game.
"We're not sticking anyone anywhere and hoping for the best," Leia countered. "We'd have regular supply runs, same as here, and could check in then."
"What if someone gets sick?"
"We have a surplus of Too-OneBees on Home One that can take care of most pressing medical needs. We'll leave a couple with them."
Han shook his head and motioned that he was upping his bet. "What if we can't get supplies out to 'em? There's a blockade or an attack or the runner gets boarded? They're stranded. No ships to leave in, no food comin' in. Here, we've got overlapping supply runs goin' on all the time and we can evacuate quick as anything. You plannin' on running supplies out that often and leavin' them a corvette and crew?"
Leia frowned. He wasn't wrong about any of it, but the other options they had so far weren't viable. She glanced over her cards again and doubled Han's bet.
"You ever gone hungry, Princess?"
She raised an eyebrow and took a sip of the whiskey Han had poured her. She missed meals when she got too wrapped up in work, and both beings at the table with her were fully aware of that. They rarely stopped complaining about it. "You're the one force-feeding me nerf stew at least once a week."
[No one is force-feeding anyone, I hope,] Chewie said, casting a wary glance at Han.
He rolled his eyes. "Don't think handing someone a bowl qualifies as force-feedin'."
Leia chuckled. "I suppose that was a bit hyperbolic on my part," she conceded.
Han shook his head. "I ain't talking about missing a meal here and there. I mean going five, six days at a time with just water, and probly not enough of that, either. Or havin' to stretch a day's worth of food over a week."
Leia shook her head. "Not really, no. I didn't eat much on the Death Star, but I was hopped up on stims and stress. Hunger wasn't really a factor. Otherwise, I don't think I've gone more than a day without food." She met his gaze. "I imagine you could have guessed that, though."
Han shrugged. "Didn't want to assume. It ain't pleasant. Downright excruciating at times. You don't want to chance them goin' through that because we can't get supplies to 'em. It'll be best to get them somewhere with resources."
Leia considered Han briefly, wondering what sort of experience he spoke from. It sounded awfully personal, but it wasn't the time to dig into the smuggler's past. She sighed. "Natural resources mean the Empire's around."
"Don't hafta be natural resources, just established ones."
She nodded and displayed her cards before pulling Han and Chewie's bets toward her. Chewie studied her suspiciously. [Are you still counting cards?]
Leia shot him an affronted look. "I promised I'd stop, didn't I?"
"If you count cards, you'll get kicked out of a casino in a minute," Han warned.
"I'll remember that the next time I take the time in the middle of a war to play Corellian Spike in a casino," she said dryly. "I said I'd stop, and I stopped."
Han stared at her as he dealt another hand, lips pursed. "You sure you're not doin' some subconscious tallying?"
Leia rolled her eyes. "Positive."
"Because I don't think I've ever seen that brain of yours turn off. It might just be countin' away."
"Brain doesn't need to be off to not count." Leia looked at her cards briefly. "So, Anoth's no good."
Han shrugged. "It's Wild Space. I'd wanna be sure we could set 'em up to live independently as long as possible if we go that route." Leia covered a smile by taking a sip of whiskey. Han kept saying we, and she wondered when he had started lumping himself in with the Alliance. He didn't seem to notice. "Don't want another Indoumodo."
That was a sobering thought. Leia swallowed hard and nodded. She tried not to think of Col Tugrina's death any more than she had to. He was one more Alderaanian gone due to a senseless and unnecessary event. She played her cards without saying another word.
[Is everything all right?] Chewie asked.
Leia nodded again. "Did I ever tell you we were there because of me?"
Han and Chewie both shook their heads.
"They chose Indoumodo because the other planets they could get to in a hurry had sentients who might recognize me."
"Gonna go out on a limb and guess you didn't request that."
She huffed softly. "I was livid. That was when…" Leia looked at Han. He seemed to be watching her carefully, waiting for her to finish. "You remember me running straight into you after we'd done bed checks?"
He nodded. "Night was a blur, but I remember that. You looked…not good."
"I had just found out that was the reason…" She pressed her teeth to her knuckle briefly. "It's just hard not to think if we hadn't been there, Col would be okay."
[He might,] Chewie said, touching Leia's shoulder gently. [Or he might not. We have lost others on missions and in battles. We don't know what might have happened.]
Leia nodded. He was right. She knew he was right, but it didn't lessen the weight of responsibility she felt any time she thought of poor Col.
They played in silence for a moment before Han finally spoke. "So, you found out Tugrina died, did bed checks, found out they'd picked that location for you, and turned around and looked at star charts all night 'til you had a better location?"
She didn't miss his impressed tone. She shrugged modestly. "You know me; I need to keep busy."
Han tapped his temple, clearly amused. "See, what'd I say? Never turns off."
Leia smiled at him. "I never said it did."
Her comm buzzed and Leia flinched. She hadn't expected it to go off for several hours. It was a call on her private channel, not the shared. She frowned and answered.
It was the med clinic, asking that she stop by. She was given no details, no indication of if someone was hurt or sick, but the medic who called was insistent that she come to the clinic immediately. Leia's stomach lurched and her heart raced as she wondered why she might possibly be needed so late. She looked from Han to Chewie and back again. "I have to go. They're calling me to the clinic."
Han's brow furrowed. "Everything all right?"
She shook her head. "I don't know. They wouldn't say anything."
[Do you want us to go with you, Princess?] Chewie offered.
Leia shook her head again. The medic had been so vague, she didn't think bringing an entourage would be appreciated. "No, no. I'm sure everything is fine. I just need to go."
She said goodnight to Han and Chewie and walked quickly to the clinic, shoving aside every catastrophic thought that popped into her head. Luke's dead. Shara's dead. Wedge and Carlist and Jan and—
Leia shook her head as if attempting to reset her thoughts and tried to focus on putting one foot in front of the other rather than on who in her life might be laying, cold and deceased, in the medical clinic.
When she entered the building, she was practically pounced on by the medic. "This way, Your Highness," she said before Leia could ask what was going on.
She was led behind a curtain. Shara sat on a cot, her skin pale and her eyes unfocused. She was hooked up to an IV. Leia rushed to her friend, heart pounding.
"Shara, what's—Are you okay?"
Shara blinked as if she was just seeing Leia. "I'm pregnant?" She said it like a question, as if she expected Leia to have an answer for her.
Leia looked between Shara and the medic. "I—"
"I'm pregnant," Shara said, this time firmly.
"Okay," Leia said, forcing a calm tone. She wasn't sure what Shara needed or wanted from her, what she could do to help.
"I'm pregnant," Shara said again, as if trying to convince herself the news was real.
Leia glanced at the medic. "What's in the IV?" Shara seemed so out of it that she wondered if they had sedated her for some reason.
"I've been puking everything up for days," Shara supplied. "It's just for hydration."
"Right," the medic agreed. "Electrolytes and fluids. That's all."
Shara looked at Leia, eyes shining and wide. "Kes is in the field. I—I don't need him called out, but he's supposed to head back to base in two weeks. Can he…Is there a reason he might need to be diverted here?"
Leia gave Shara an incredulous look. "I don't need a reason. I'll get him here." She took Shara's hand. "Are you okay?"
Shara nodded, then shook her head. "Will you stay with me while the drip finishes?"
"Of course." Leia squeezed her hand.
The medic left, saying she would return in a few minutes. Shara collapsed back on the cot, eyes shut. Leia watched her for a moment, concern resting on her heavily. She tried to recall the last time Kes had been at their outpost, tried to block out her immediate assumption that this was the result of something sinister happening to her friend. She didn't like how quickly her mind conjured up images so similar to what she had experienced on the Death Star, didn't like that her knee-jerk reaction was to assume Shara had been hurt.
"You must think I'm an idiot," Shara groaned.
Leia shook her head, feeling some relief at the proclamation. Surely if this was the result of an attack, she wouldn't say something like that. "No, Shara. No. I'm—I'm surprised, but I don't think you're an idiot."
"Well, I am. I let my contraceptive lapse." She let out a sardonic laugh. "I've seen my husband maybe ten weeks in the past year and we still managed to be together the one time I happened to be fertile."
Leia relaxed completely and squeezed Shara's hand again. "What can I do?"
Shara shook her head slightly. "Nothing. I just need to talk to Kes." She sighed. "Rieekan's gonna kill me."
"He'll do no such thing," Leia assured her. "General Rieekan is reasonable; you know that." Carlist was the most lenient general Leia personally knew, treating the enlisted as true volunteers who could go on leave without penalty. His attitude seemed to — somewhat counterintuitively — inspire a great deal of loyalty. To her knowledge, Carlist hadn't had any deserters and rarely had anyone go on leave.
"Well, Seertay might if Kes decides this means pulling back from SpecForce."
Leia tilted her head in concession. Anna Seertay, the colonel in charge of the Pathfinders, was an intimidating woman to be sure, but Leia knew her to be reasonable as well. "If that's something you two decide is best, we will figure something out. Special Forces existed before Kes joined, and they would have to make due if he got injured—" Leia cut herself off. The words or if he died had nearly rolled off her tongue far too casually, the way they would have if she were talking strategy with other Command members. She needed to keep in mind where she was and who she was talking to. "They'll shuffle some officers around and make things work if they need to."
Shara sighed. "I'm not actually upset about this," she said quietly. "I don't want to leave the Alliance, but I'm not upset about this." She placed a hand on her stomach.
"No one is leaving the Alliance if they don't want to," Leia said.
"Well, not forever—" Shara bolted upright, grabbed a receptacle from next to the cot, and vomited into the container so quickly that it took Leia a moment to process what had happened. Once Shara's heaving stopped, Leia patted her shoulder and helped get her settled back on the cot with a cool compress before going in search for the medic.
Three weeks later, Leia sat at an empty workstation in the Command Center, staring at the closed door that led to the office she usually shared with the generals on base. Carlist and Jan had been in strange, secretive meetings all day that made her uneasy. They weren't all the same meeting, either. Kes had asked to speak with them privately, and right after he left the office, Leia heard Mon's voice, then another woman's. Han had been pulled in to talk with both generals shortly before lunch, and apparently spent the mealtime on the Falcon with the ramp up rather than eating with their usual cohort.
Is he leaving? Did they dismiss him? Leia's mind worked overtime to formulate theories for Han's distance, and none of them were pleasant.
They were hiding something. It was Indoumodo all over again, and Leia would not allow it to continue any longer.
She caught General Rieekan by himself at his desk after lunch. Leia sat in a chair opposite his without a word of greeting and stared at him, barely-contained rage simmering below her cool demeanor. Carlist glanced up at her from his datapad and smiled, chuckling to himself and shaking his head.
"Not a drop of Queen Breha's blood in your veins, but you've got her death glare down," he said fondly.
Leia set her jaw, irritated by the man's obvious amusement. She wasn't going to say a word until he said something worthwhile to respond to, and attempting to diminish her irritation with memories of her mother didn't count.
Carlist set his datapad on the desk and folded his hands in front of him, apparently waiting for Leia to speak. When she didn't, he sighed. "I imagine you're wondering about all of the meetings today."
Leia leaned forward, a tight smile on her face, and spoke, sarcasm dripping from each syllable. "Oh, you mean the meetings that have kept me from working at my own desk all day? I hardly noticed."
General Rieekan pursed his lips. "We aren't keeping anything from you, Leia, if that's your concern."
She nodded. "Of course. Secret meetings behind locked doors scream transparency."
"They clearly weren't secret meetings."
Leia sat back in the chair again, hands folded in her lap. She had nothing to say to that. He wasn't wrong — they hadn't hidden the meetings from her exactly — but he wasn't being forthright, either.
General Rieekan stood and shut the office door. When he settled back in his seat, he looked Leia directly in the eye. "Sergeant Dameron informed General Dodonna and me of his intent to temporarily drop out of Special Forces this morning. He wanted to let us know that we might be receiving a comm from Colonel Seertay inquiring as to whether we could spare you because he suggested you be pulled as his interim replacement."
Leia blinked. Kes suggested…me? She knew he had been considering stepping aside. Shara had been in the clinic every other day for weeks; she apparently had some condition that made her abnormally sick even by pregnancy standards and kept needing rehydration. Kes had mentioned when he arrived at the outpost that he was thinking of going on a hiatus with SpecForce while Shara was pregnant, but they hadn't decided yet. Leia imagined Shara's frequent illness had made that decision for them. Still…me?
Once her surprise subsided, Leia looked at Carlist. "You didn't think I might want to know about a possible transfer to an entirely different unit and set of duties?"
"Oh, I'm sure you would, but I didn't want to float something like this if it was going to be shot down by Mon immediately."
Leia glowered. "You don't need to protect me from disappointment, Carlist."
"I was protecting my sanity," Carlist quipped.
"You just assumed that I would want to be a pathfinder that badly? What if I'm not interested?"
It was Carlist's turn to let silence make his point. He shot her a look that all but screamed, Leia, please.
"Did you dismiss Captain Solo?" Leia blurted out, wondering at her own priorities the moment she did.
Carlist appeared stunned. "No. No, not at all. Where did you get that idea?"
Leia shrugged, embarrassment at jumping to such an extreme conclusion washing over her. "He's been avoiding me since your meeting with him. We usually—He usually eats lunch with me and Luke and a few others, but he's been on his ship since he left this office."
"He turned down another commission offer, but assured us he isn't going anywhere any time soon. I can't speak to his failing to show up for lunch."
Leia resisted cringing. Carlist was showing extreme patience with her erratic leap between topics. She needed to focus again on the most pressing issue. She crossed her legs and leaned toward the general again. "Did Colonel Seertay contact you?"
Carlist nodded. "Yes. She's very interested based on Dameron's observations from your trip to Hoth."
Leia raised an eyebrow. "What, the wampa?" The massive creature she had shot had been named by one of the naturalists currently studying the Hoth ecosystem in preparation for constructing the new base. There were apparently a decent number of them close to the second site her team had visited.
"Not just the wampa. The way you handled the team, the way you think. Everything we already know about you." Carlist smiled and Leia couldn't help but detect a hint of pride in his voice. "This would be an opportunity to see potential refugee havens firsthand. Negotiations with smaller cells might go more smoothly if you're involved. You have the field training and the fighting skills necessary to do well. I think it's a good fit, if an unorthodox one."
She tilted her head. "Would I be stepping down from Command?"
He shook his head. "We have Command members in a variety of positions and Mon does not seem to think this temporary shift in responsibilities necessitates you stepping back. You'll still be taking orders from Seertay same as the others."
Leia nodded. "The outpost will be okay?"
Carlist smiled gently. "We will miss you sorely, but we will survive."
"What does Jan think?"
The older man hesitated. "The decision is not Jan's to make, and he has been reminded that we have asked much more of officers younger and less experienced than you are now."
Leia snorted and rolled her eyes with a small smile. "Typical," she murmured. "Don't know what I was expecting."
The offer was more than tempting. Leia couldn't help but feel surprised by the lack of resistance to the idea from Mon in particular. Then again, she was well-established in the Alliance; she had been in Command for over a year and had adjusted well. And, there was the refugee factor. Mon might have considered that Leia would be going to the same locations as the pathfinders to scout anyway; might have considered that Leia would be safer traveling with Special Forces than with a scouting team; might have considered that Leia would find a way to do whatever the hell she needed to do regardless of the verdict from Command if it resulted in helping Alderaanians.
No matter the reason, Leia was grateful that the decision seemed to be really and truly hers. I'll be leaving Luke and Han and Chewie. Wedge and Shara, she thought. But only for a few months. Not forever. That, she knew, was more wish than reality. Any one of them might end up dead before the few months were up, but that was true of everyone. No one knew that more than she did.
She nodded slowly. "I think I'd like to do this, Carlist," she said.
He nodded in response, but said, "No one needs an answer today. Take the night to think it over. But, Your Highness?" Carlist leaned toward her slightly, eyes shining and tone serious. "For what it's worth, I think you're cut out for this."
Leia didn't need the night to think it over, but she did want to warn her friends of her decision. She didn't know how soon she would be leaving, didn't know any details aside from what Carlist had shared with her, but she knew they would likely want her on Home One soon so she could get acquainted with the rest of the pathfinders. She doubted she would be on Renatasia much longer once she officially accepted.
The ramp on the Falcon was lowered shortly before dinner and Han invited Leia and Luke to eat with him while Chewie hunted. It had been a dry afternoon and the skies were still clear, so they took their food to the roof of the Falcon to eat. The meal was quiet; Han was oddly subdued, Leia's mind ran a parsec a second without an uttered word to show for it, and Luke seemed to tire of trying to keep the other two engaged in conversation after a few minutes.
Pressure built in Leia's chest as they finished eating. She wanted to tell them, wanted to let them know they would be parting ways for awhile. Possibly forever, she thought mournfully.
Luke nudged Leia with his elbow and she jerked to attention. "Are you okay?" he asked.
She looked at him, suddenly afraid to lose him, to lose Han. Leia nodded slowly. "I have something I need to tell you. Both of you," she said grimly. She wished Chewie was there, but she would just have to tell him later.
Han raised his eyebrows but didn't say anything. Luke took her hand, squeezed it briefly, and released her. "What's wrong?"
Leia bit her lip. "Kes is stepping back from SpecForce until Shara has the baby, so they need someone to take his place, and he suggested me. I haven't told them yet, but I'm going to accept the offer." She glanced between the two men who made up such a large portion of her cobbled-together family. Luke's brow was furrowed, his expression somewhat unreadable, but Han appeared on the verge of smiling. "It'll mean I'm away from the outpost for a few months with the pathfinders."
Han was no longer on the verge of smiling; Han was grinning. "You serious, Princess?"
Leia squinted at him in confusion. Is he glad I'm leaving? The very idea was confounding. "You that eager to get rid of me, Solo?" she asked trepidatiously.
He shook his head. "No, you're just makin' my decision a little easier, Organa."
Leia looked from Luke, who shrugged, apparently as confused as she was, back to Han. "What decision?"
Han ran his fingers through his hair and exhaled loudly. "Rieekan said SpecForce is needing a more skilled pilot now that they're headin' into more unknowns, and since our supply chain's stabilizing, my usual contacts aren't as necessary. He thought they could spare me." He paused. "Be better for me an' Chewie anyway, I think. Less chance of runnin' into bounty hunters than what we've been doin', but I…" He shrugged lamely.
"Didn't want to leave us?" Leia teased with eyebrows raised and a wide grin on her face. "Because you'd miss us?"
Han shot her a withering look, but his heart hardly seemed in it. "Never said that."
Leia laughed, more relieved than she could have imagined she'd be. She looked at Luke, momentarily believing he would also have news of an unexpected transfer to SpecForce. One glance at his face caused her own expression to fall.
Luke shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck. "I'll be here with the Rogues," he said quietly.
Leia threw her arms around Luke in a tight hug. "I'll come back," she assured him, though she knew she could promise no such thing. None of them could.
Luke gave her a squeeze, but released her quickly. "It's okay, Leia," he said as she returned to her spot. "I don't think any of us expected we'd all be together for the entire war."
Leia realized in that moment that she had naively expected they would remain together. Cognitively, she knew that any one of them could be reassigned at any time. But their being sent to the same outpost had seemed so obvious after their unlikely meeting that the idea of breaking up their little group hadn't occurred to her as a real possibility. The only threat to their all being together had been Han's insistence that he was leaving, and he hadn't mentioned leaving in months.
A mischievous smile crossed Luke's face. "You'll make sure Han and Chewie come back in one piece though, right?"
Leia had to cover her mouth to keep from laughing when she saw the indignant expression on Han's face. "We can take care of ourselves," he grumbled.
"I dunno," Leia teased. "Only one person here has killed a wampa." She stretched out casually on the Falcon's hull, laying back so she could look at the stars. "Who knows how many of those we'll encounter in the field?"
She could practically hear Han's eyes roll, but he didn't say anything more. Luke settled back on her left and took her hand in his. Leia looked at Han and reached for him with her right hand in a sign of friendly solidarity. He acquiesced after a brief moment of hesitation, stretching out next to her. He didn't protest when she slid her hand over his.
Leia looked up and sighed. The moon was full and bright, but the dark expanse of sky peppered with stars small and large felt big and ominous enough to swallow her whole. "I've never stayed in space longer than a week without landing somewhere," she said, a sudden touch of nerves causing her stomach to flip. She wondered if she'd manage a full night of sleep at all staying on Home One between missions.
"It's an adjustment," Han said. "But you've adjusted to worse. Just gotta take your vitamins and keep some semblance of a schedule. Keeps you from losing time."
Leia snorted. "Because I'm already so good at keeping a regular schedule," she mused. "No reason to worry about Spacer's Syndrome, then?" She was mostly teasing. The mythical condition that allegedly drove people to madness just from spending too much time in space had never been proven to exist as far as Leia knew. Everyone had a cousin's friend's coworker's brother who had experienced devastating, life-altering-yet-vague side effects from Spacer's Syndrome, but Leia didn't know of anyone who had had direct contact with a being affected by it. Her parents had told her it was all nonsense, and the brief time she spent researching the condition as a young teen had resulted in finding no credible data points.
Han scoffed and pulled away from her to cushion the back of his head with his hands. "Spacer's Syndrome is a myth. Maybe, maybe beings'd go a little loopy before we had artificial gravity and day cycles on ships, but even back then, I don't think there was ever proof that it existed."
Leia laughed softly and released Luke's hand, resting her arm across her stomach. "I know. I was joking." A memory flooded her mind and she bit her lip, debating whether to share. Han's blunt-but-kind lecture about her never talking about the things that had hurt her came to mind, prodding her to verbalize the thought. "I could see how no day cycles might cause someone to…" She trailed off. "You know, they never turned the light off in my cell the whole time I was there. It'd get brighter sometimes, but there was no pattern to it from what I could tell."
"That sounds miserable," Luke said sympathetically.
"Tryin' to break you with sleep deprivation and disorientation," Han said. His tone was almost mournful, and Leia wondered just how many prisoners he had seen receive the same treatment to know the motives so clearly. Then again, they likely had me on stims for days. The motivation is pretty obvious, I suppose.
"Sounds about right."
A long pause followed and, without the diversion of conversation, Leia had to fight to resist her mind's natural tendency to spiral into Death Star memories. Her chest felt tight and she realized she was holding her breath, but letting the air out of her lungs brought little relief.
"I ever tell you two the story of how Chewie an' I met?" Han asked, the familiar question, as always, bringing with it merciful distraction.
Leia snorted. "Is this the real story?" she asked.
Han laughed, caught. "No, but it's a good one."
"Is it true?" Luke asked.
"All my stories are true," Han said indignantly. "Mostly."
Leia closed her eyes, the tightness in her chest lessening slightly. "Let's hear this one, then."
"So, the one time I did spice—"
"Only one time?" Leia interrupted, propping herself up on her elbow so she could see his face in the bright moonlight. She wasn't sure if she was actually skeptical, but the trio had adopted a sort of call-and-response tradition when it came to Han's stories, and Leia almost always asked the first question.
Han scowled, but she was sure he was fighting a smile. "Yes, only one time."
"You ran spice," Luke objected.
"Don't gotta try the goods to move 'em. In fact, it's sorta frowned upon to skim off your shipments. Tend to lose business that way. Anyway, I didn't take it on purpose. I was young and dumb and took a drink at Jabba's my first time there. Didn't know it was laced with glitterstim, only sorta knew what glitterstim did. Had seen some addicts back in Coronet City but that's not the same as takin' it. Jabba's place is surreal on its own. Never know what you're gonna see there—"
"Riff-raff. Scoundrels. The dregs of society," Leia suggested. Han huffed, and she offered a teasing smile before adding, "And apparently also you. And Chewie since this is allegedly the story of how you met."
Han waved dismissively. "I'm gettin' there. So, I'm in this place I barely know where anything can happen. I'm hallucinatin' but I don't really know I'm hallucinatin'. Just feel a little fuzzy, and that place is hazy on a good day without glitterstim in your blood. Anyway, I see this real nice-lookin' woman across the way. Real tall and pretty. I decide I'm gonna give her the ol' Solo charm—"
"Is the ol' Solo charm something we should have experienced by now, or is it reserved for real tall and pretty women in spice dens?" Leia asked. Luke snorted.
Han rolled his eyes dramatically. "You two and your need to know irrelevant details. Anyway, I walk right up to her and I say—" He paused, brow furrowed. "Doesn't matter what I say. I'm sure it was real smooth—"
"You can't remember," Luke said.
"Obviously," Leia murmured.
Han ignored them and pressed on. "I say something real smooth and she's not respondin', so I keep trying. Then, all of a sudden, she yells at me, but not in Basic. She's yellin' in Shyriiwook. Just so happens, I know some Shyriiwook, so I understand her just fine. I'm tryin' to keep her talking to me, and she finally says, 'I don't think my wife would appreciate that.' The glitterstim starts to wear off and the next thing I know, I'm staring at a hairy face. Turns out, it wasn't a tall, pretty woman at all; it was a Wookiee all along."
"I'm so surprised," Leia said flatly. "Definitely didn't see that one coming."
Han reached toward her and pressed his finger to her lips briefly, pulling his hand away nearly instantly. "Shh. I'm tellin' my story. So, the Wookiee introduces himself as Chewbacca but says I can call 'im Chewie. He says we should get outta there, and I'm getting a post-high headache so I follow him and we leave, I invite him to work with me, and the rest is history."
[That is not how I recall that incident ending.]
Leia turned her head and saw Chewie making his way carefully across the hull of the ship. She smiled at him as he sat near the group.
"How did you actually leave Jabba's, Chewie?" Leia asked, dropping the arm she was using to prop herself up to her side and resting her head and shoulders on the Falcon again.
[Wedding lifted the fool and ran.]
Wedding lift? Leia thought, glancing at Luke, who seemed equally confused. She looked at Han. He had sat upright again and twisted his body so he could scowl directly at Chewie. He clearly wasn't going to be any help with translation. Wedding lift. What does he mean by…
Leia burst out laughing as the picture came together in her head. "Bridal carried?" she asked Chewie. "You had to bridal carry him out?"
[He was completely useless. Kept challenging me to footraces but couldn't take more than a couple of steps without collapsing.]
Han rubbed his forehead and glared at Chewie. "Ruinin' my reputation over here, pal."
"I'd say that your reputation is about as intact as it usually is," Leia quipped, biting her bottom lip and not bothering to suppress a grin.
"My opinion of you is the exact same as it was ten minutes ago," Luke added.
"If nothing else, your pain acts as a cautionary tale against taking strange drinks and ingesting glitterstim," Leia said. She sat up and acted as if she intended to leave. "In fact, I think this could be an excellent lesson for the entire outpost—"
Han caught her by the wrist. "Hold it right there, sweetheart. I ain't acting as any lesson for anyone."
Leia sat back down, laughing along with Chewie at Han's indignation.
Luke watched the trio, subdued. He smiled at Leia. "I'm going to miss all of you," he said earnestly.
[Where are you going?] Chewie asked.
"Princess is going to SpecForce for a few months," Han answered. "Begged for us to keep her company, but Luke's gotta stay planet-side."
Leia rolled her eyes and didn't bother correcting Han's explanation. It was obvious from Chewie's face that he didn't believe a word of it anyway. She hugged Luke. "I'll come back," she assured him once again. This time, she mostly believed it.
Home One was halfway across the galaxy, somewhere vaguely near Maltha Obex. The trip was supposed to take four days, and Leia managed to have a nightmare before the first night rolled around. She had attempted to take a short nap before lunch and woke just in time to stop herself from screaming, but it took a solid hour to feel fully in the present again. She had no interest in attempting to sleep that night.
Leia sat down in the lower gun turret, a now-favorite hiding spot despite the horror she had witnessed while there as they had traveled to Gatalenta. She liked the quiet in the little nook, liked that she was nearly surrounded by stars, liked that she was just hidden enough that she generally knew if she was about to have company. She'd usually hear someone ask where she was before they came looking for her in the turret, so she had some warning.
She curled up in the gunner's chair, blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She knew it was late Renatasia time, most definitely late enough to be in bed. The slowed activity on the ship caused sleep to sound almost tempting, but Leia didn't think that sort of rest was an option that night. She was supposed to sleep in the crew cabin again, and its smooth, clean walls tended to trick her mind as she woke, convincing her she was back on the Death Star long enough to cause her to panic. She just didn't know if she had the energy for another bout of panic.
"You plannin' on sleeping?"
Leia flinched out of her quiet reverie, turning the seat enough to see Han crouching near the ladder to the turret on the main level. She pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders and shook her head.
"Want company?"
She considered the offer briefly before nodding.
Han dropped into the turret, boots thumping on the floor plates upon landing. He touched Leia's shoulder as he passed her, settling in on the floor a couple of feet from the chair, his back pressed against a window.
Leia closed her eyes and sighed softly, debating what to say or if she wanted to say anything at all. Rubbing the hem of the blanket between her fingers, she revealed something she had really only ever told Luke and Shara. "Space makes them worse," she said softly, looking at Han. "The nightmares."
Han shook his head slightly, brow furrowed in confusion. "Thought you had an easier time when we travel."
She bit her lip. She knew why he was under that impression, knew what had caused the confusion, but saying it out loud…it sounded so ridiculous.
"Haven't heard you wake up really when we've flown," Han continued.
Translation: haven't heard you scream like you're being murdered.
Eyes closed again so she wouldn't have to look doubt or teasing in the face, she said, "It's really silly. I—I wake up all the time when we travel, but when I've borrowed your cabin, I'm able to…I see your writing on the bulkhead and I snap out of it quicker. I know where I am. Takes longer anywhere else." She scoffed. "You weren't with me on that mission to Belkadan. Think the lieutenant I was bunking with on the way thought I was possessed by a Greel screamer."
She heard Han shift his weight slightly. "Havin' Luke in the crew with you help? On the last coupla trips, I mean."
"Sort of, yeah." Han would likely scoff at the idea that the Force told Luke about Leia's nightmares; had Luke not woken her before they got really bad on multiple occasions, she might have been nearly as skeptical herself, and she didn't want to have to prove anything to Han. There was no harm in him believing Luke's mere presence in the room kept her sleeping mind calm.
"We can trade bunks. Not like we haven't done it before."
"I don't want to keep taking your space from you, Han," she said. "Especially not now that we'll be traveling in the same group all the time." She pressed her teeth lightly into the top of her knuckle. "I need to get over it."
"You wanna tell me—" He broke off, half mumbling to himself. "Well, I know you don't wanna. Do you know what makes you think you're back there?"
Leia looked at him, eyes focusing on his. She shrugged lamely. "You...know what it's like," she said slowly. She didn't want to have to get into it. She didn't usually have to get into past events with Han; that was their thing. He knew just enough that she didn't have to explain the really painful memories with words. He rarely pried, and usually figured out pretty quickly when to back off. She didn't want to tell him anything.
Han shook his head slowly. "I know what some prison cells look like, Leia, but I don't know what's messin' with you."
She stared out into the dark vastness of space, attempting to draw some sort of logic out of her reactions to the different cabins she had stayed in. Leia closed her eyes, tried to think through what exactly caused her entire body to seize upon waking when she was in the crew cabin. "It's quiet. Too quiet. The cell was…so quiet, it was disorienting after awhile." She gripped the edges of the blanket tightly around her. "Gets cold, too." She opened her eyes and smiled at Han weakly, lifting a corner of the blanket. "The amenities here are far superior. They didn't give me any sort of bedding at all."
"We aim to please," he said dryly.
Leia laughed because she knew she should and continued with her numb description of the cell. "Walls were that same blank durasteel. Door looked mostly the same. Didn't have a bunk above me in the…there, but sometimes I don't notice that right away. I sleep on my side. I'm not usually looking up when I first wake up."
"You're lookin' at the wall."
"Or the door. That's the other thing, I think. Your bunk's configured differently. The door's off to one side, not directly across from it. It's immediately apparent that I'm not in that cell."
Han covered his mouth with his hand, forehead wrinkled in thought. He was in problem-solving mode, and Leia was grateful. She didn't know if she could handle him endlessly listening. She would keep talking and was sure she'd end up saying something she didn't want to.
"Got it." He stood suddenly and stepped toward the ladder, dropping his hand.
"Got what?"
Han gestured for her to follow him. Leia stood, leaving the blanket in the gunner's chair, and caught up with him in the crew cabin. He looked around the space, working something out in his head.
"If you're really serious about not just takin' my damn bunk—"
Leia scowled at him. "Any time we fly together, indefinitely? No. You should have your space and I don't need anyone thinking I'm getting special treatment. I don't need special treatment."
He snorted. "Well, you'll need to come to terms with that because you're about to get a coupla hours of special treatment to avoid looking like you're getting it." She arched her brow at him curiously and Han pointed to the wall where the three bunks were stacked, one on top of the other. "These can be moved to a different wall."
Leia took a moment to really look around the cabin. Between the door to the 'fresher on one wall and the door to the corridor on another, there was only one wall they could conceivably be moved to. But the change would alter things in a way that made the space feel different than that cell. She nodded slowly.
"It's a two-being job," Han said. "Gotta get Chewie."
Leia frowned. "He's asleep already, isn't he?" She could have sworn she had heard the Wookiee say he was retiring to his hammock close to an hour before. "Can I help instead?"
Han looked from her to the bunks, clearly considering the logistics of the job. "We can give it a shot."
It was really more of a three-to-four-being job, or that was the conclusion Leia came to about halfway through deconstructing the three bunks when they both had sweat beading on their foreheads from exertion, but she couldn't remember the last time she had completed a job using the recommended number of workers and she doubted Han could, either. Leia was certain it took twice as long as it would have if Chewie had been involved, but Han was pleasant enough to work with, and they were able to talk without treading over sensitive topics.
"You ready for this pathfinder business?" Han asked Leia when a break in conversation lasted long enough to feel awkward.
"I think so," Leia said as she attached an anchoring bracket to the wall. "I'm still a bit surprised Kes suggested me, but I'm happy to be able to help. And I'm glad he gets to be with Shara, at least for a bit. I don't think I could manage being apart like that if I were in their shoes." She paused, giving the idea some thought. "Maybe I could the way my parents did, but not being in the middle of active military conflict. Every time Shara's had a hard time getting ahold of Kes, I've felt like I might panic on her behalf."
Han shook his head, sliding some sort of support into place before tightening a bolt. "Could never do that."
Leia glanced at him briefly before returning to the next bracket. "What, marry someone in the military?"
"Marry someone."
Something about the way he said it made Leia feel sad, though she doubted he wanted to talk about whatever his hang-ups were in-depth. "Can't see yourself settling down?" she asked, a note of teasing in her tone.
He shook his head again. "Can't see myself dragging someone else into the mess I've made. 's bad enough Chewie's gotta follow me around, risk his life and be away from his family. Couldn't bring someone else into this sorta business."
Leia was surprised at how easily he had opened up. Han was usually a feelings vault, only admitting to even possessing emotions when absolutely necessary. This expressed concern for a hypothetical spouse was…unexpected. "You've been working legitimate jobs for a year," she said. "Technically, you're still doing something illegal, but it's only a matter of time before that isn't the case. You could just stick with what you've been doing." And not think about leaving again, she added in her head, though she expected he heard the silent addendum loud and clear.
Han pursed his lips. "Goin' legit doesn't undo what I've already got myself into."
The bounty. Leia knew he was talking about the bounty for the dropped spice. She had asked questions here and there about it, but she'd never really dug into how bad it might be for him. He had always been sparse on the details, and she respected that. But the bounty was apparently a big enough issue that he considered piloting for Special Forces less risky than showing his face among known associates. "How much trouble are you in, Han?"
He looked at her, seemed to study her face for a moment before saying, "I'm worth somethin' dead. Jabba's pretty pissed, and he ain't the Empire. He doesn't need me alive to try to get information outta me. Dead suits him fine as long as the being collecting can prove they killed me."
Leia's stomach flipped and she furrowed her brow. "How do they prove…" She trailed off, unsure she wanted to know.
"Haul my corpse in or take a recognizable body part and holos." He shuddered, a no-doubt-unconscious response to the thought of any part of his body being cut off. Leia did the same and Han's countenance changed very suddenly, his expression taking on a casual nonchalance that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Don't need to worry about me, Worship. Made it this long without any trouble."
She peered at his face briefly, wondering under what circumstances he'd allow others to worry about him. She already did worry about him, about Chewie, about Luke and Shara and half a dozen others. She hid it behind busyness and planning and keeping tabs on everyone, sometimes behind bossiness and asking to be kept informed of everyone's whereabouts. Being in charge of outpost resources had worked in her favor; she needed to know when to expect each being on base to know what their needs might be, so she had a reason to ask to be kept informed. She wasn't sure how she would feel after a week or two without that intel, but she imagined worried would barely scratch the surface.
Han pressed his hands hard on the upper bunks, testing their sturdiness before stepping back to give the unit one last look. "This'll do," he said, gathering up the few tools they'd used from the floor.
Leia nodded in agreement. "Yes, I think it will." Job officially finished, she became acutely aware of the hairs sticking to her neck from sweat and the achey tiredness that had crept into her bones. "I think I may shower before bed."
Han nodded. "Got it," he said, taking the hint to leave.
"Han," Leia said as he reached the doorway. He turned and looked at her. "Thank you."
He shrugged slightly, careful not to drop his armful of tools. "Can't have you gettin' special treatment," he said with a wink and a grin as he backed through the door. "'Night, Leia."
She lingered in the shower, allowing the warm water to soothe tired muscles and scrubbing her hair and scalp until she felt adequately clean. The Alliance used sonic showers as a general rule — they could be set up in any environment without a water or heat source and were easier to transport between outposts — and Leia could not recall the last time she had taken a water shower that hadn't been on the Falcon. The sonics worked well enough, but had a difficult time handling her hair; it never felt entirely clean until she could get it rinsed with water. She was grateful for any opportunity she had to do so.
She dried and braided her hair and dressed for bed before leaving the 'fresher. She didn't expect Han or Chewie to be lurking, but given that the door to the only 'fresher on the ship was through the crew cabin, she never assumed she'd have complete privacy.
The cabin was empty, though, and Leia sat on the bottom bunk, the one she had claimed as her own the few trips she had slept in that room. She looked around, relief flooding her mind and body as she realized just how much of a difference the change in bunk position made. It didn't feel familiar. Leia let out a sigh, tension releasing before she had a chance to fully notice its presence.
She turned off the cabin lights, though the bunk remain illuminated — each one had a small light installed in the frame. As she settled in her bunk, intending to turn off the light and turn in, something on the bulkhead next to her caught her eye. It hadn't been there before her shower. Leia almost laughed out loud.
There were no equations or coordinates on this wall, nor any snide admissions of eavesdropping in her own handwriting. The fresh marker strokes instead formed a rough outline of a bird's-eye view of the Millennium Falcon. It reminded Leia of maps she had seen on directories in government buildings — just enough detail that anyone viewing it would know what they were looking at, nothing nearing an artistic rendering. The drawing had one other feature that brought those directory maps to mind: a large dot placed approximately where the crew cabin was in the ship with You are here written in Han's messy Basic handwriting.
Leia touched the marker strokes, running her fingers along the outline of the ship in which she sat, heart very full. The drawing was cheeky, obnoxious, and sarcastic enough to be mistaken for petty vandalism, something a bored crew member might resort to during a long trip. She doubted anyone else who slept in the bunk would think much of it, but the interruption of the plain, gray durasteel was just the sort of thing to help her ground herself if she woke in a panic.
She clicked the light off and curled onto her side, fingers still brushing over the thick marker lines. Sleep came for her quickly, and Leia didn't resist.
A/N: One year in this story down, two to go! Would love to hear what your thoughts are thus far!
Chapter 11 will be posted on Friday, August 18, 2023.