A/N: CW for discussion of suicidal ideation (no attempts will be reflected in this story at any point, just FYI).
They had to evacuate Malla - 4, but Chewie was able to touch down on one of the moons too small to host an atmosphere, which would ensure they were left alone and allow the entire group time to rest and heal. Considering Einara's ankle, Leia's blaster bolt burn, Han's various injuries, and everyone's general state of exhaustion, no one complained about a few days of quiet back aboard the Falcon.
No one complained, but Leia quickly grew restless even if she didn't feel she should express it to anyone else. Of those injured, she had had the most time to heal so, of those injured, she had the most energy. She slept when her mind would allow it, but otherwise busied herself watching ship activity on nearby moons, introducing sabacc to Rory, Jarys, and Naj, and checking on Han and Einara as often as they would tolerate.
Leia stared at the pieces she had remaining in the game of dejarik she was playing with Rory. She keyed her next move into the game and her miniature holo Grimtaash attacked Rory's Kintan strider, knocking it over.
"How soon do you think we'll leave?" Rory asked, clearly just trying to make conversation. None of them knew for sure; the topic had been voted on at dinner the night before and Leia assumed it would be voted on again that evening.
"Depends on how everyone's feeling, I guess. 'Nara, how are you coming along?" Leia flicked her gaze briefly toward Einara's spot on the bench across the lounge. Naj and Jarys sat on either side of her.
Einara shrugged and stretched her healing ankle. "Almost good as new. Should be able to run tomorrow."
"What about you?" Rory asked, looking at Leia briefly before punching his next move into the game.
"I'm fine," Leia said. "Han seems close to being back on his feet, too."
"We don't have to wait on him to be completely well to move, do we?" Einara asked. Leia looked at her with raised brows. "I just mean Chewbacca can fly us a few moons over on his own, I bet. You might want to stick around until he's completely better, but the rest of us could take a preliminary look around at least. Keep the mission moving."
Leia frowned, puzzled by the assumption. "Why would I want to sit out an entire leg of the trip?"
Naj elbowed Einara in a way that appeared more painful than playful. Einara yelped and glared at Naj, rubbing her side. She turned back to Leia. "I just meant since you seem so…close."
"Han's my friend," Leia said hesitantly. "But if he's okay, there's no reason for any of us to hang around, especially with Chewie here. He can handle himself."
"Friend," Einara repeated, though it was clear to Leia that she questioned the accuracy of the description.
Leia felt her cheeks flush. "Yes," she said coolly, voice betraying no particular emotion.
"Just friends?"
Leia wasn't sure where Einara would have gotten the idea that she and Han were anything other than friends, but reacting too strongly would surely send the wrong message. In the moment it took for her to formulate a response, Naj spoke up.
"Solo doesn't get involved with people he works with," she said hastily, her own face and ears slightly pink. "Said it gets too complicated."
Einara snorted. "Just offered that information up apropos of nothing, huh?" Naj said nothing. Einara shook her head, obviously amused, and muttered, "You and kriffing pilots, I swear."
"I think we should talk about literally anything else," Jarys said a little too loudly.
"Agreed," Leia said. She spoke evenly despite the fact that her ribs had shrunk around her lungs and her stomach seemed twisted in knots. Han's business was his business, but she didn't like the way Einara spoke about it so flippantly, like it was entertainment.
"Your move," Rory said, pulling Leia's attention back to the dejarik game.
She nodded and keyed a move into the game absently, throwing one of the creatures on the board straight in front of Rory's Molator. She hadn't intended to lose, but couldn't muster up enough energy to care.
Leia stood abruptly once the game table indicated that Rory had defeated her. "I'm going to see if Chewie needs help with anything," she said.
She spent hours helping Chewie replace fuses in the cockpit and keeping mostly quiet. The conversation with the pathfinders disturbed her. Not because of Naj—whatever had gone on there was her and Han's business, and while it didn't sit entirely well with Leia, she could push it to the back of her mind. But Einara had seemed convinced there was something more to her own friendship with Han and that…that…
Leia had been raised with an awareness of the public eye. She was a member of the royal family, after all, and while her parents thought of her as their own through-and-through, she had always been conscious of the fact that there existed people who were waiting for an adopted heir to fall short in some way. She hadn't fallen short for the duration of her time on Alderaan, and she hadn't in the Senate. The Death Star was…something else entirely, and Leia obviously carried that burden with her wherever she went. But somehow since the Death Star, keeping up appearances had fallen by the wayside. She had been living on an outpost and now with the pathfinders; she had forgotten decorum or maybe just felt the burden of it too much considering the circumstances. She hadn't so much adhered to decorum entirely in her previous life, either; it was wielded like a weapon or used like a tool when she needed it and tucked away for her own sanity when she didn't. She had kept it tucked away for most of the past eighteen months.
But if she was doing something to lead others to believe that she and Han were having an affair…Surely that wasn't good. She was in High Command; he was a contractor. It could look like a quid-pro-quo situation or coercion or—
Han stumbled into the small space, looking a bit rumpled and sleepy, interrupting Leia's thought spiral. He sat heavily in his seat and let out a loud sigh. He still limped, Leia noted, but most of his movements seems fluid enough and he didn't wince when he sat any more.
"I rest my eyes for a coupla minutes and you two tear apart my ship?" he said, suppressing a yawn.
Leia glanced down at Han's face briefly before shooting him a dramatically sympathetic look. "Poor thing. You got to sleep while we replaced half the fuses in this cockpit."
[We have accomplished more maintenance work today than you have in the past three months,] Chewie added.
"I should get shot more often," Han said, rolling his shoulders.
Leia pulled a panel from the bulkhead and examined the fuses behind it. "Group's eager to get going," she said, skipping over every other part of the conversation she'd had with the pathfinders. Han didn't need the entire run-down. "I think they're hoping we can leave in the next day or two."
"Don't see why we can't."
[You're still limping,] Chewie said.
"How's that affect me flyin' a few moons over?"
[You keep running off the ship. How am I supposed to know when an injury does and does not matter?]
"I left the ship one time this entire mission," Han protested.
[And managed to get shot immediately.]
Han ran a hand through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, well, couldn't've predicted that. Didn't exactly plan on runnin' into Fennec Shand on a moon in the middle of nowhere."
[I need the hydrospanners,] Chewie said, walking toward the cockpit exit. [I'll be back.]
Leia finished attaching the new fuse in her hand and slid the panel back in place, the anxiety she had felt earlier regarding how her friendship with Han appeared to outsiders flaring again as soon as she was alone with him. You have been alone with this man hundreds of times, she scolded herself. There is nothing inherently intimate about this.
"I really hope wherever we land next is viable," she sighed as she sat in the seat behind him — her seat, as he'd begun to refer to it.
"You still wantin' three options before we head back?"
Leia shrugged. "Ideally. But I suppose we'll take what we can get."
Han nodded, rubbing his jaw.
The silence between them felt uncomfortable all of a sudden, and Leia grew irritated at the mere idea that Einara's incorrect assumptions could cause awkwardness in one of her closer friendships. Her own father had been good friends with Mon Mothma when they were both senators, and Leia knew rumors had gone around more than once, but they hadn't paid them any mind. They certainly hadn't seemed to allow the existence of such rumors to affect their friendship or Alliance business.
In a flash of defiance, Leia looked Han in the eye. "I think you should come with us. Your opinion is valuable."
"You sure about that?" Han asked wryly as Chewie entered the cockpit again, several hydrospanners in hand. "Track record's lookin' pretty bad so far."
She nodded. "I'll run it by the others, but I'd like you to. You'll notice things we might not."
Han tilted his head slightly. "Not makin' any promises. Maybe."
"Okay." That sort of vague concession was as good as a promise coming from Han, anyway.
They spent one more night on the atmosphere-free moon before heading off to the planetary body Han had labeled 119. The moon was isolated. Much likeJaina - 12, it sat in the shadow of another planetary body, but unlike Jaina - 12, there didn't seem to be an Imperial presence anywhere nearby. There didn't seem to be sentient presence on Moon 119 at all, actually.
Han joined them. The other pathfinders hadn't taken much convincing — his instincts and attention to their surroundings had been invaluable on more than one occasion — though Leia noticed a look exchanged between Einara and Rory when she made the suggestion. Once he knew he was wanted, Han hadn't taken much convincing, either.
The moon was cold and windy. Not Hoth-cold; there wasn't snow on the ground, and Leia wasn't sure that anything was Hoth-cold. The landscape was depressingly barren — primarily dirt and stones with a few scraggly trees rising from the rocky ground and scrubby patches of grass scattered here and there. It was almost dismal to look at, and Leia had a hard time imagining herself or anyone who grew up surrounding by the lush vegetation and picturesque mountains of Alderaan making a home there. But, two years prior, she'd have had a hard time imagining herself living in a swamp with murderous insects, and she had managed that. Everyone would have to make do with what was available.
They split into groups to cover more ground just as they had on the previous moons. Leia and Nihal had been paired up for the day, and Han tagged along with them. Leia was pleased enough with the grouping; no one would make awkward remarks or try to read meaning into her and Han's interactions that didn't exist. Nihal, if he was aware of Einara's earlier misunderstanding, did not seem to care at all.
A few creatures made appearances during their trek; nothing large or that appeared to be life-threatening, though Leia and Han both knew all too well that looks could be deceiving in that regard. They captured images when they were able, recorded descriptions in their field notes when they weren't, and made relatively good time.
The chill and wind were unrelenting but steady, not seeming to change much throughout the day. Leia wondered if it was typical weather for the moon, or if someone making a place there long-term could expect a shifting of seasons. She tried to imagine what one of the refugees — Ysta or little Lola or the understandably angry and frightened Caari, who would be holding an infant upon her arrival if she chose to move — might think and feel about the landscape and weather. Leia thought that, if she had been displaced the way they had been and hoped for something better, she might take a look at the drab moon with the realization that she was expected to make the place a home of sorts and burst into tears. But they would be alive, they would be safe, and it wouldn't be forever.
They met up with the others before nightfall and compared notes over a dinner of ration bars eaten around a small campfire. The pathfinders were understandably focused on how well the location fit the needs of a fueling station.
"It's not unbearable here, but it doesn't look like there are enough natural resources for the Empire to start poking around," Naj said, picking at a ration bar.
"Need to look at the bugs 'n' animals we saw," Han said. "Make sure nothin'll kill anyone."
Rory furrowed his brow. "For a fueling station? I doubt anyone'll be stopping overnight much less staying long enough to for insects to be a problem."
Leia opened her mouth to speak, but Nihal beat her to it, nodding once in her direction. "We aren't just looking for the fueling station, remember."
Rory grimaced sheepishly. "Right. Of course."
The after-dinner chatter tapered off and Leia found herself full of nervous energy and needing to move. She crammed her ration bar wrapper in her pocket and walked to the edge of camp, toeing the line that divided the orange light thrown by the fire from a seemingly endless well of inky shadow. Someone approached her from behind, scraping the sole of their boot against the rocky ground and clearing their throat softly. It was either Han or Jarys judging by their gait, but logic said Han. Jarys walked too quietly; he had snuck up on Leia and startled her accidentally more than once when she had been too distracted to listen.
"Whatcha thinkin'?" Han sidled up next to her, arm brushing against hers.
Leia swallowed hard. "I'm thinking if I lost my planet and that planet was Alderaan and I had been running for my life for months, and this was where I was supposed to set up indefinitely, I would probably cry every night for the first week as long no one could hear me."
"You lost Alderaan and went on the run had to live in a swamp with death bugs and on a planet that sees three minutes of sunlight a year," Han pointed out.
She laughed at his hyperbole softly, sadly. "I have cried more than anyone would like to believe. And I at least signed up for this."
"Not all of it."
Leia tilted her head slightly in a sort of agreement. She had signed up for the Alliance, which encompassed all of it, but she hadn't exactly known what sacrifices it would entail when she first begged her parents to allow her involvement. Would I make the same decision, knowing what would happen? Leia wondered. No definitive answer came to her, and her stomach twisted with unease.
She looked again into the darkness that hid no secret beauty, no pleasant surprises, but — most importantly — no immediate threats, and wrapped her arms around herself. "It was so beautiful," she whispered. "Alderaan." A deep longing that Leia associated only with homesickness split her sternum and weighed down her fingers and toes. She gripped her own elbows, holding back hot tears as best she could. "What do you think about this place?"
Han exhaled loudly and shoved his hands in his jacket pockets. "Think it's the best contender so far. Think Phibs is right; there ain't much here for the Empire to be interested in landing. If it's good for the fueling station, you'll have ships in and out often enough that if somethin' happens, they can get help."
Leia nodded. "It's going to be a difficult adjustment."
"Leia, some of 'em weren't goin' outside at all, they were so scared."
She looked up at him and smiled slightly. He remembered and cared more than she had ever expected him to.
"Solo!" Rory's voice rang out across the campsite. Leia turned to watch him approach where they stood. "You on first watch with me?"
Han nodded. "Yeah," he said, patting Leia's shoulder absently before meeting Rory and walking alongside him to a different side of the campsite.
Leia rubbed her arms and looked again into the darkness. The moon would do. It would be a difficult adjustment, but Han was right — it was better than living in terror all the time. If they couldn't find anything better, Moon 119 would do just fine.
Moon 119 would have to do just fine. They were able to add a couple of other possibilities to the list, but one was a moon covered in water with only a handful of small islands that seemed inhabitable, and the other had wild dog-like creatures skulking about that reminded Leia of the animals on Indoumodo, but more menacing. The dogs seemed to be working up the courage to approach the group the entire time they scouted, and she couldn't shake the feeling that they were being actively hunted.
By the time they arrived back on Home One, Leia was ready to crash in her bunk for an entire week. Too exhausted to even carry her pack to her cabin, she told Han she would be back for her things in the morning and disembarked with the intent to head straight to bed.
She was both surprised and pleased to see General Rieekan waiting in the bay, only a few meters away from the Falcon's ramp. "Carlist!" she exclaimed, rushing from the ramp of the Falcon to the general. It took a great deal of self-control to not throw her arms around the man in excitement. "What are you doing here?"
Carlist smiled at her, though Leia could see at once that he was exhausted. "We had to evacuate Renatasia last—a few nights ago. We just arrived this afternoon."
Leia's stomach dropped. Why is he the only one here? Where's… Her lungs emptied and wouldn't expand, her chest filled with duracrete. Luke was dead. Wedge, dead. Shara and Kes and their baby and Jan and—
She managed to take in enough of a breath to force out the words, "Where is everyone? Where's—"
"Leia," Carlist said far too calmly considering all of her friends were dead, "everyone made it out alive, but I wanted to catch you before you heard elsewhere—"
Alive isn't unscathed, she thought. He was choosing his words too carefully. Alive isn't whole.
"Antilles was hit as he was taking off and crashed his ship. Skywalker and Celchu managed to get him out of the cockpit and onto a transport, but he was in rough shape. He's still in rough shape. He's going to survive, but he'll be under medical supervision for awhile and we're unsure how he will recover. I think the Rogues have set up camp indefinitely in the med bay."
Leia's head swam. She looked back toward the Falcon. The ramp was still down. Han was probably still up. He had asked if she wanted to stick around for a drink when the others had disembarked, but Leia had declined in favor of the possibility of sleep.
"I need to…" She trailed off, pulled her comm from her pocket and sent Han a message. Renatasia evacuated. Carlist is in the hangar. Everyone's alive. Wedge is hurt. I don't know how yet. She focused back on Carlist. "Was anyone else hurt?"
Rieekan tilted his head slightly. "Bruises and grazes, mostly. We had enough notice to—Good evening, Captain Solo, Chewbacca."
Leia glanced behind her as Han approached quickly, Chewie a few steps behind. They both wore concerned expressions.
Han nodded once in greeting. "General."
Leia returned her focus to Carlist. "You had notice?"
The general nodded. "Enough to have half the outpost evacuated and the rest nearly ready to leave by the time the first troopers landed. The Rogues were accompanying the final two transports."
"Antilles is hurt?" Han asked.
Carlist repeated what he had told Leia. The entire time he spoke, she thought of Wedge, injured, unconscious. Wedge, who was, at that point, the friend she had had the longest. She had known Carlist and Mon longer, but they were far closer to mentors than friends. Wedge had been there for so much. And if Luke and Tycho had been the ones to pull him from his ship…They likely wouldn't be doing well.
"I need to go to the med bay," she said. Han and Chewie nodded. Leia looked at Carlist. "Do you want to come with us?"
He smiled weakly. "As I said, I believe the Rogues have set up camp there, and considering they were given direct orders to go to their bunks an hour ago, I think it would be best if I didn't head that way until morning."
Leia pursed her lips. "You're a good leader, Carlist."
"Yes, well. I might feel differently if I had been the one giving the order." General Rieekan shrugged slightly. "It's only juice, Your Highness." He nodded at each of them. "Solo, Chewbacca, Princess Leia. Have a good evening."
They went their separate ways, the trio of concerned friends toward the med bay, the general toward the Command Center. Leia doubted he would be getting any rest that night and wished for a moment that she could be in two places at once. Or three, if her bunk was an option.
"What's he mean 'it's only juice'?" Han asked once they were out of earshot of Rieekan.
Leia chuckled softly. "Ah, jetjuice. Carlist and Jan and I all agreed on Renatasia that the occasional alcohol consumption on base wasn't going to hurt anything as long as everyone was off the clock while drinking and got their jobs done the next day. We knew about the liquor, but decided to act as if we believed it was only juice unless an issue arose requiring we intervene. We figured if they thought they were getting away with it, they wouldn't move on to hiding things that we'd really need to crack down on. It wasn't hurting anybody, and it seemed to affect morale positively enough. Letting them stay in the med bay isn't hurting anyone, either, so…" She shrugged. "It's only juice."
"Dodonna knows about the jetjuice?" Han asked in surprise.
[I told you they all knew,] Chewie said.
Leia snorted. "Wes Janson is not as subtle as he wants to think he is, and you can smell a cup of the stuff from a meter away. Of course Jan knows. He's not an idiot."
[I can smell it from a mile away.]
Han rolled his eyes at Chewie. "Well, aren't the Rogues lucky their general ain't a Wookiee." He turned his attention back to Leia. "Knew you knew about it, and I thought Rieekan might. Just figured Dodonna woulda had a fit about it."
She shrugged. "He's not entirely unreasonable. Most of the time." Leia paused in thought. "Half of the time," she corrected. Han and Chewie both laughed softly.
Near the med bay, the corridor was so quiet, it felt like a temple or a tomb — some place in which silence and reverence were one and the same. They rounded a corner into a small waiting area and Leia saw the Rogues scattered around the enclave.
The pilots were somber, silent. Luke, Tycho, and a man Leia couldn't recall meeting sat on the deckplates that made up the floor, their backs pressed to the bulkhead. Luke and Tycho both had bruises on their cheeks and foreheads and bacta patches on their faces, necks, and hands. Both had their eyes closed. Hobbie and Wes had taken the chairs, and Kes Dameron sat with them. Hobbie's usually jovial expression had been replaced with a blank, dissociated look that Leia swore she had seen staring back at her from a mirror a time or two. When he met Leia's gaze, he blinked rapidly as if trying to wake himself up.
"Princess and Solo are here," he said faintly, and three more pairs of eyes looked at the group in the doorway. "Chewie too."
"Skywalker," Wes said, nudging Luke's leg with his boot. Luke jerked awake, clearly attempting to will himself into an alert state. As soon as he saw Leia, he jumped to his feet and rushed to hug her without a word.
Leia gripped Luke in a tight embrace and felt him release a shuddery breath. He sniffed and she felt warm tears land on her cheek. The tears weren't hers. She glanced up at Han and Chewie and tilted her head toward the Rogues as a sort of instruction to stay with the group before pulling away from Luke, slipping her arm around his shoulders, and leading him around the corner, out of the sightline of the others.
Leia brushed over a spot next to the largest bruise on his forehead with her fingertips gently. "General Rieekan met us when we landed," she said. "Have they said how he's doing?"
"General Rieekan?" Luke said, sounding dazed.
She shook her head. "No, I mean… Wedge, have they said how he's doing?"
Luke blinked and cleared his throat, scrubbing away the few tears that escaped his eyes. "Ah, someone did." He frowned, clearly having trouble remembering.
Leia touched the spot on his forehead again, worry clear on her face. "Do you have a concussion?"
Luke pushed her hand away in annoyance. "No, I just need to think. It's a lot." He ticked off injuries with shaky fingers. "Broken femur, broken fibulas, cracked ribs, collapsed lung. He had a brain bleed and they got it under control on the transport I think, but then it started again or maybe there's a second one. I don't—They said they had to get the brain bleed stopped before he could go into bacta. That was…" He checked his chrono. "An hour ago, maybe." He looked at Leia and wiped a few more tears away before pulling her into another hug. "I missed you."
"I missed you, too," she said, her words muffled by his shirt.
The embrace didn't last long. Luke pulled away first, tugging on Leia's wrist and sniffing back any remaining tears. "C'mon. I want to be with them right now."
She followed him back to the waiting area, where Hobbie all but forced her into the seat he was sitting in, claiming that he needed to stand for a few minutes anyway. Kes did the same to Luke and stood near Leia while Hobbie and Wes described what they saw in their final few moments on Renatasia.
"Wedge was leading us out in front of the second-to-last transport. We were supposed to clear the way and he was first to take off. It was real misty — visibility was bad above the trees and we couldn't see each other well. Wes and I cleared atmo and didn't see Wedge any more, didn't see him behind us or on the sensors. We thought…" Hobbie trailed off.
"A TIE coming in for a landing fired at him and sent him spinning," Tycho said numbly. "He crashed upside down. We thought he was dead, but we couldn't leave him."
"'Course not," Han said.
Luke looked at Leia. "We might be in trouble."
Leia shook her head. "This isn't your fault—"
"We left our ships when we should have been waiting to go ahead of the last transport," he interrupted, nodding at Tycho. "We had time and I don't think we delayed anything. Our transport wasn't ready to leave yet anyway. But I don't think General Dodonna was happy."
"He's gonna be pissed," Wes said, his voice sapped of his usual energy.
Han scoffed. "Dodonna's always a little pissed."
"Not Dodonna; Wedge. He'll say they should've left him."
Leia frowned. Dodonna would also be pissed, she imagined, but she didn't think it would be a lasting anger, especially if Wedge made a full recovery. She wished she knew what the odds of that were. The injuries Luke had described were concerning in both number and severity; she wasn't sure how he would fare if he wasn't able to get into bacta soon.
"How're my pathfinders?" Kes asked quietly as the others continued to talk, nudging Leia's shoulder with his knee.
She looked up at him. "Good. We just got in after being in the field a month. Accomplished what we set out to at least."
He nodded. "I miss it. But I'm glad I've been able to stay with Shar."
Leia frowned. She had been so distracted by news of Wedge, Luke's distress, and the Rogues' storytelling that she hadn't fully processed that Kes was out-of-place. "Where is Shara?"
Kes smiled slightly. "She's here for the night. Got sick and dehydrated on the trip over. They won't let me stay back in her room overnight, so I figured I'd stick around with the guys."
"They'll take good care of her," Leia assured him, realizing a little late that Kes probably knew the Home One medical staff better than she did.
She began to feel the restless need to do something, anything helpful after a few minutes of listening to the others chatter on quietly, catching Han and Chewie and ostensibly her up on the past few months of outpost life. The words spoken slipped through her mind like sand through fingers, and she couldn't confidently say what had been relayed to her about outpost happenings. She stood abruptly, made eye contact with Luke and Han as she walked away from the group, murmuring something about being back soon.
Leia slipped into the nearest 'fresher and made quick work of taking her hair down, smoothing the frizziness from the surface, and braiding it again. Her complexion was dull and pale, a clear indication of her exhaustion, but her pack was back on the Falcon, so her resources were limited. She splashed some cool water on her face, scrubbed her lips free of the few flakes of lipstick that continued to cling to them, and pinched her cheeks to at least look alive and alert momentarily. I just need to look moderately put-together for a few minutes, she assured herself.
She left the 'fresher quietly and made her way toward the corridor she knew was lined with exam rooms. She approached the first sentient she saw, more confident in being able to win a human over than a droid.
"Excuse me," Leia said, catching her attention. "I'd like an update on Lieutenant Commander Antilles' condition and prognosis."
The young medic eyed her warily over the datapad in her hands. "Are you his commanding officer?" she asked.
Leia forced a soft laugh, as if she and the medic were in on a private joke. "Hardly. But I serve on High Command with his CO, and considering Antilles was the only being seriously injured during the latest evacuation, everyone is supremely concerned for his wellbeing. They're waiting for my report."
"Is his CO's comm broken or...?" The medic trailed off, clearly suspicious of Leia's claims.
Leia scoffed. "You know, I had the same thought. Sometimes, I think they just like to send the youngest person in the room on an errand to prove a point." She shot the medic a look meant to communicate, You know how it is.
The medic glanced between her datapad and Leia a few times, seeming to study her face with every look. Leia maintained a smile that walked the line between I'm trying to be pleasant and do not cross me right now. "Right, sure." The medic tapped on the surface of the datapad a few times before continuing. "We got the second brain bleed to stop and he's being prepared for the bacta tank. We expect him to be in there a week. We do not expect any lasting cognitive symptoms. We don't know about lasting physical symptoms yet. We'll know more once he's been in the tank a couple of days." She looked at Leia. "That suffice?"
"That's perfect. Thank you."
Leia turned to leave, but before she walked away, the medic said, "You know, you're on his list of people we can release information to. As entertaining as that story was, you can just ask next time."
Leia looked at her in surprise. "I didn't realize…" She paused. "Does the information you can release include who else is on the list?"
The medic shrugged and turned the datapad so Leia could see what she had been studying so closely. Leia's official Alliance ID picture and her name were on the screen along with those of Luke, Hobbie, Shara, and General Dodonna. A box containing the names of those who had previously been Wedge's medical contacts was right below Jan's information. Everyone listed in the box was deceased.
Leia nodded. "Why weren't Lieutenant Commander Skywalker and Lieutenant Klivian given updates in a timely manner?" she asked.
"They're on the list of people who can request information. We only proactively give updates to COs. Otherwise, one of us would be on the comms all day."
Oh. That…made some level of sense, and also explained why the medic had seen through Leia's story so quickly; Jan would have already been told about Wedge's status. Sloppy, Organa, she chastised herself briefly before looking at the medic again.
She couldn't remember when she had last updated her own contacts, and wondered numbly if everyone on her list was deceased. "Can I see mine?"
The medic checked her chrono before tapping away on the datapad again. "When did you last update these?" she asked carefully.
Leia shrugged weakly. "I don't know."
The datapad was handed to her and Leia took a moment to prepare herself before looking. Her father stared back at her solemnly and Leia found it difficult to break eye contact with the image. Her mother's information stood by itself with no picture — the Alliance only stored identifying images for those who would be frequenting bases and Breha had rarely left Alderaan. Mon and Amilyn had been added at some point. Her aunts were listed as recipients of death notices, and only in the case that all other contacts were unreachable. Leia vaguely recalled having the thought that her parents would rather hear of her demise from Mon than Celly when she had filled out the list.
"Who should I talk to about updating these?" she asked as she handed the datapad back, growing increasingly aware of how much time she had taken up.
The medic checked her chrono again. "Are your new contacts in the system?"
Leia nodded. "They should be."
"Should only take a second to update then. I can do it." She tapped the datapad a few times.
It pained her to do so, but Leia didn't want confusion if she was incapacitated. She had her parents and aunts inactivated as contacts, drawing some comfort from the fact that their names would still be listed in the history the program appeared to keep. Carlist was an obvious add, and though she hesitated briefly before supplying the rest of the list, feeling as if she were somehow replacing her family, she finally had the medic add Luke, Shara, Wedge, Han, and Chewie.
When she returned to the waiting area, quiet conversations overlapped one another. Luke and Hobbie asked Chewie questions, Wes and the man she didn't recognize — someone had called him Dak earlier — exchanged the occasional subdued comment, and Kes sat alone on the deckplates, head resting on the bulkhead and eyes closed.
She was surprised Han wasn't with Chewie, Luke, or Kes, and was doubly surprised to see him kneeling on the floor next to Tycho, hand gripping the younger man's shoulder as he spoke to him seriously. Tycho had tears in his eyes, threatening to fall at any second. He kept letting out shuddery breaths and shaking his head jerkily. Leia heard him whisper, "I screwed up bad." Han patted his shoulder a couple of times before standing and offering Tycho a hand.
Leia caught Han's eye and he jerked his head toward the med bay exit. "Gonna go see if we can find some caf," he said, gesturing vaguely at Tycho.
She nodded. Tycho clearly needed space. Before they disappeared, she caught Han by the arm and shared what little she knew about Wedge's condition. He nodded without commentary but appeared relieved, and gave her elbow a squeeze before walking alongside Tycho out of the med bay.
Leia focused on those left and cleared her throat, speaking loudly enough that everyone could hear. "I just spoke with a medic. They're getting him in bacta now. They said they won't know much else about his prognosis until he's been submerged a couple of days."
"What does that mean?" Wes asked.
Leia shrugged. "It means they're not going to have updates for at least two days. I think it would probably benefit everyone to get some sleep."
Wes rolled his eyes though his heart clearly wasn't in the motion. "You're starting to sound like Dodonna, Princess."
Leia shot him a look but didn't acknowledge the playful jab. "You have all been through an ordeal, and I imagine you'll have limited time to rest before they send you back out. You should take advantage of it."
"You're one to talk," Luke said good-naturedly. "Telling us to sleep."
Leia tilted her chin up primly. "I've turned over a new leaf since leaving the outpost. I get a full eight hours of sleep every night now."
Chewie whined in protest and Luke looked unconvinced. "Really?"
She chuckled and shook her head. "No, but I was planning on getting at least four hours tonight, and I think all of you should as well."
There was some mild pushback, but in the end, the group left the med bay and headed for their assigned quarters. Leia walked between Luke and Chewie as the others split off for their bunks.
"Han said I could crash on the Falcon if I wanted to," Luke said. He hesitated. "Would you stay—"
Leia nodded before he could finish his sentence. "I left my pack on board when we landed anyway," she said. "Staying tonight will save me a trip in the morning."
Weary and full of emotion, they walked straight past Leia's shared quarters and toward the ship that had, despite all odds, always carried them to safety. Leia imagined getting rest would be difficult given the upsetting turn the night had taken, but she took solace in the fact that they would at least all be together.
Waking up felt like trying to rise out of a swamp. Leia's eyelids and limbs felt nearly as heavy as they had prior to the few hours of sleep that she managed. She needed to rest longer but she had received a message before she dropped into her bunk that High Command was holding a meeting before breakfast and she needed to be there.
She stumbled to the 'fresher, running through the short version of her morning routine — the one involving barely any make up and a simple crown braid. As she left, the light from the 'fresher partially illuminated the cabin, and she realized someone was sleeping in the top bunk. Leia glanced at the middle bunk — Luke was there, as expected. She rocked up on her toes to try to catch a glimpse of who lay in the third bunk, but all she saw was a form curled up under blankets. Curious.
Leia left the cabin as quietly as possible, carrying her boots into the lounge. The scent of caf greeted her before she laid eyes on Han sitting at the dejarik table, mug in front of him. He sported a fair amount of stubble on his face, wore his clothing from the day before, and had a faraway look in his eyes. Leia suspected he hadn't slept a minute.
"Everything all right?" she asked as she sat next to him in the booth. She tugged one of her boots on and fastened it tight.
Han shook his head. "Yeah, I dunno."
Leia raised her eyebrows in surprise, but Han offered no more details. She pulled her other boot on. "Who's in the third bunk?"
"Celchu." He frowned and took a sip of caf. "Shoulda warned you, but I didn't know you were stayin' the night."
She felt warmth rush up her neck to her cheeks. "Sorry. Luke wanted me to and you weren't here to ask when we crashed."
Han waved dismissively. "You can stay whenever you want, Leia."
Leia checked her chrono. She had a few minutes before she needed to leave. "He'll be okay," she assured him, grasping at what might have caused Han to become so subdued. "Wedge. They got him in bacta; most of what's wrong is broken bones, and they said there wasn't lasting brain damage. He'll be fine."
He nodded. "Antilles'll be okay," he agreed. He tilted his head in the direction of the crew cabin. "That kid's not doin' good."
Leia furrowed her brow. Han usually called Luke the kid, as if he were the only one, never that kid. It was possible it was just a slip of the tongue. But Luke had been okay the night before. Shaken, sure. Worried about Wedge, of course. But he hadn't seemed any worse than the others. "Luke didn't seem—"
"Celchu, sweetheart. The kid's gonna be fine."
She shot him a look that she hoped communicated, You hear yourself, right? My confusion was warranted, before focusing on the topic at hand. "Why do you say that?"
Han scratched his jaw absently. "Mimban was real bad. We had more suicides than most combat zones." He shook his head. "Didn't like how Celchu was talkin' last night is all."
Leia's heart thumped hard in her chest. She tilted her head so she could look Han in the eye. "Did he say he was planning—"
Han shook his head. "Didn't say anythin' like that."
"You're worried though," Leia said.
He tapped his thumb on the handle of his mug. "Just bein' Alderaanian who was of age when it happened raises your chances, what, forty percent?"
Forty-one-point-three, as far as we can tell. Accurate metrics were difficult to come by considering the Alderaanian diaspora was scattered to the wind and often actively in hiding. "Something like that," she murmured. "That can't be the only thing worrying you."
Han shrugged. "I dunno. Like I said, I've seen it before. Could just sorta tell the way he was talkin'…" He shuddered. "He's seen a lot. Tugrina shook him up bad, pullin' Antilles outta that cockpit mostly dead didn't help anything. Did you know he was talkin' with his family when it happened?"
It. Han kept saying it, and Leia had to wonder if he was avoiding using the common term for the destruction of Alderaan — The Disaster — because she loathed it so much. The phrase was passive, as if Alderaan had been blown into pieces by a natural occurrence or something that happened by chance, rather than the heartless, cruel, and hateful acts that actually undergirded its destruction. She had ranted more than once in his presence about how disgusting she found it that The Disaster had been adopted as shorthand for the destruction of her planet across the galaxy.
"No," she said, "I didn't know that."
"Can't imagine how much that'd mess with your head," Han said.
"Neither can I," Leia said quietly, sitting with the words for a moment. She checked her chrono again. She needed to leave soon, but she didn't want to leave Han hanging in the middle of a conversation so heavy. A part of her wished she could stay all morning. "I have to go to a meeting, but I'm about to see Carlist and Jan. I can mention something if you really think—"
"I'll—I got this," Han said with a shake of his head. "I can talk to 'em if I need to. Sounds like you got enough to worry about."
She stood and took a step toward the corridor before turning to face Han again. "Thank you," she said softly, reaching over and placing her hand over his. She squeezed lightly. "For noticing. For caring."
Han shrugged again. He seemed uncomfortable with the very idea. "Yeah. Well."
Leia gave his hand another squeeze before leaving the ship.
The conference room connected to the Command Center felt crowded. Carlist, Jan, and Leia all being present in person was an unusual occurrence, and the room felt nearly full with the three of them at the table. Mon was projected in via a HoloNet connection as were a few others. Gial Ackbar sat at the head of the table, but Mon immediately stepped in to run the meeting.
The most pressing topic was what to do with those from the displaced outpost. Sending a couple of the squadrons to join the group working alongside the dissidents on Ruusan was suggested, and Leia didn't entirely disagree, but…
"The entire Rogue Squadron needs to be evaluated for fitness of duty," she said. "Lieutenant Commander Antilles' accident has caused a great deal of distress for the whole group, and I would frankly be surprised if any of them are operating at half capacity." She wasn't only thinking of Tycho; Luke and Hobbie were close friends of Wedge, Wes wasn't acting like himself. She didn't know Dak, but she imagined if he had been with the Rogues for any length of time, the situation would have a negative affect on him. "I spent some time with them last night and I wouldn't trust any of them to fly undistracted right now."
"General Rieekan and I already spoke about it this morning. The Rogue Squadron is being grounded for a week barring an unforeseen emergency," General Dodonna said. "Your suggestion for evaluations is noted, Your Highness."
Leia nodded without another word.
"Regarding our next steps: sending the Blue and Gold Squadrons to Ruusan seems most reasonable," Jan continued. "That will alleviate the drain on Home One's resources and give us more time to sort out the Green Squadron and the Rogues."
No one objected to the plan, though a few had questions. Once the group agreed to send the two squadrons to Ruusan, they moved on to the next item on the morning's agenda.
"The architectural plans for the base on Hoth are finished," General Rieekan said. "We are moving forward with beginning construction as we speak. There is an opportunity to concentrate the efforts and resources that would have been allocated to the Renatasia outpost primarily to Echo Base in order to finish as quickly as possible, but I will need assistance with planning and resource acquisition."
She could feel Carlist looking directly at her, but Leia avoided meeting his gaze. She had an assignment already, and while they had just managed to locate a potential place for Alderaanian refugees to settle, the intent had always been for her to stick with the pathfinders until Kes returned. Shara still had months of pregnancy left and Leia planned on seeing through with her commitment to Seertay.
She looked around the table at the Command members physically in the room as well as the projected holos of those located elsewhere. Every being present was overloaded, every being present had duties that tied them to a particular location. Jan was the most likely candidate out of all of them, but he had just said he would be accompanying the Blue and Gold Squadrons to Ruusan and working on pushing further into the Mid-Rim.
"Did you have someone in mind, Carlist?" Mon asked.
"In a perfect galaxy, Organa," he said and Leia felt she could no longer avoid his gaze. She glanced at him and caught the end of a nod in her direction. "But I do understand she's committed to Colonel Seertay for the foreseeable future."
"Seertay can pull from the rank if she has to," Vasp Vaspar said, his projection giving a slightly delayed hand wave. "There's no need to keep a member of Command who is needed elsewhere in the field."
What if I want to be in the field? Leia thought. She wanted to help Carlist — she did — and the new base was of the upmost importance. But she didn't want to sit behind a desk, either—
"To be clear, she'd likely be in the field if she helps with the base as well," Carlist said, and though he was ostensibly addressing Vasp, Leia was certain the words were meant as reassurance for her. "Resource acquisition will require establishing a number of new supply chains, which means meeting with suppliers, and we will make frequent trips to Hoth until the base is livable."
Jan cleared his throat, and the question that followed was so predictable that Leia almost groaned. "Is that really the sort of risk she should be taking?"
"She is sitting right here," Leia snapped. "And while I understand that we are all here to serve the Alliance in whatever capacity the group decides will be most beneficial, I would appreciate it if I was spoken to rather than about when I'm in the room."
The silence that followed was laden with discomfort, but Leia maintained a steady expression. She looked from being to being before finally making eye contact with Mon's projection. Leia pressed her lips together in a silent challenge.
Mon broke the silence as gracefully as she could. "Princess Leia, I take it you have objections to returning to General Rieekan's chain of command?"
"I don't," she protested. Leia looked at Rieekan again. "I don't, Carlist. But I did make a commitment to the pathfinders that I would like to see through if at all possible."
"Reassignments happen all the time," Dodonna said flippantly. "Vasp is right; Seertay can pull from the rank if she needs someone to fill in while Dameron is out. We can't easily pull from the rank for responsibilities this sensitive."
Leia's heart pounded. She had lost what little control she had had in the conversation entirely. She tried to imagine what her mother might do, what her father might do, what they might suggest. She was certain they would say the needs of the Alliance were of the highest priority.
She took a moment to again look at every being in the meeting before nodding. "I understand, and I'm willing to make that change if it's what is truly needed," she said. "The one thing I ask is that we prioritize setting up space for Alderaanian refugees alongside the proposed fueling station in the Iego system. If I'm being pulled from the field, I at least want assurance that they will soon have a place to call home, even if it's temporary."
Leia didn't expect any objections to her request, and thankfully, no one surprised her. With a conflicted heart, she shot Carlist a small, subdued smile, again wishing she could be in two places at once.
A/N: All right, we're coming up on holidays and such and I have at least one or two other projects I'm working on on top of school, work, etc. If I get the next chapter ready to go earlier, I'll post it earlier, but for now, I'm going to plan on Friday, December 29, 2023. But, in the meantime, it won't be entirely silent - I have at least one WIP to post in December and may have something more for Perspectives as well. Happy Thanksgiving to my fellow States-dwellers! And y'all let me know what you think of this chapter!
Also, I've mentioned it before, but I do have a Tumblr blog under the username WalkAwayTall that is mostly just fanfiction stuff. I post snippets of WIPs pretty regularly and do some question/answer stuff over there as well, so if you're interested in hearing from me between chapters, I'm there :).
Thanks as always for reading! I really am so happy that so many people have been sticking with this story and I appreciate each one of you!