A/N: Made it in time for the holidays! Once more, Slifer wrote most of this chapter, so many thanks to him.

As for me, I'm still recovering from that bout of Covid -was out sick for an entire week!- and bills are a bit tight which means MORE work to make up for what I lost out on, but it is what it is.

Stranger still, I can't taste food properly because of this. At all. Which breaks my heart even more.

With my fifteen year anniversary on this site finally here, I find myself reflecting on the little things in life. What was once a lazy pastime meant for me and a few friends really grew and evolved over time. There are days when I look back on the last fifteen years here and I wonder if anyone will remember me; if I made an impact, despite never making a single cent on any of these stories. Some days were happier than others, and some stories I enjoyed writing WAY too much; to the point where I'd stay up all night working on them.

And of course, there are times when I look to the future and wonder what will become of things when I'm gone.

Of course, I try not to dwell on the latter overmuch; I'm still alive and still writing. In an ideal world, I'd like to keep doing so for as long as I can. But old age is catching up to me and these days, the world is filled with so much madness and death. Feels like everyone's lost their minds sometimes. Even before that, so many friends and fellow writers I once knew are gone, now. Will I still be here in twenty years? Ten? Five? Its a chilling thought. But for now, I'm still here, still writing.

So here we go. The fate of this story depends on you, the reader. Your feedback determines the fate of this tale, and many others.

I'm just a humble author trying to make his way in this wild world, one word at a time.

Time and feedback will determine if this remains a story. Simple as that.

In other words...its up to YOU, the reader. Do let me know~!

"You speak to me of gods? What do you know of gods?

I've seen them. I've fought them. And you...

...YOU ARE NO GOD."

~?

Special

The Grand Line was an unbroken band of turquoise that stretched uninterrupted to the horizon. Sunlight beat down from on high amid scant cumulus clouds that added to the picturesque quality of the moment, a chiral reflection between sky and sea. A pair of hands overlapping that matched up perfectly yet when inspected independently showed their difference.

Water emanated a calming susurus that served as backing for the assembled choir of ambiance, the wind was its tenor and the distant cry of seabirds the accompaniment. However, there was something amiss in the otherwise idyllic setting, a shadow beneath the waves that cruised through the depths, obfuscated by the refraction of the waves. Stray fish sensed its passage and thronged towards it, hoping to play pilotfish to a bigger beast in search of good eating.

They grew closer until stopping dead, a primeval and basic animal prescience telling them that it was not a good idea to approach the thing, thus they turned tail and swam off into the depths. The shadow grew larger as it rose from the darkness, the surface of the sea bulging as it was disturbed by the displacement effect of something exceedingly large moving with great speed.

Was it a Sea King? No. The serpentine beasts coiled through the depths unless they were hunting, the object's path was linear in its ascent and uniform in its direction. Churning the water up into foam, a great mass finally breached the surface, heaving itself onto the sea with a mighty bang as water sloughed off a perfectly round locus bearing the iridescent sheen of a soap bubble.

Scant moments later did the bubble's integrity compromise and popped into tens of thousands of smaller bubbles that were carried away on the sea breeze. What remained was a ship of immense size and…bizarre architecture.

"Hehe, I'm a ship~!"

The ship was massive in scope, a Barque by rigging but a galleon in design. Bearing a trio of square rigged masts that stretched nearly 500 m into the air and even longer from bow to stern it was more accurate to call her a floating mountain than a ship, her otherwise avant-garde design notwithstanding. The hull was split into four distinct colourations modelled after different types of confectionery, the topmost goldlining held a melted effect to it as if it had been heated and rivulets of metal dripped down the sides of the cannon deck like frosting on a cake. The cakes continued fore and aft of the midship with dual superstructures modelled on different puddings, a tall trifle at the stern and a great white birthday cake at the bow. Looking closer, one could see giant candy canes and wavers sticking out from behind the lit candles and technicolour ice cream cones hanging from the crosstrees from which a gigantic patterned sail billowed in the wind.

A white skull adorned in a maroon bicorn with a gold band at its rim, plump red lips and a frizz of rose coloured hair, bifurcated by a pair of cartoon lollipops. It was unmistakably the heraldry of the Big Mom Pirates.

This was the Queen Mama Chanter, pride of Totto Land and the flagship of Charlotte Linlin's fleet.

She cut through the waves with surprising amounts of clip given her size, seeming to wallow from one side to another as if she was skipping along to the song of the ocean. After a few minutes a few dozen shadows appeared in the sky and flew towards the Chanter, circling her from above before diving down to greet the hundreds of crew that she needed to run properly. Each was a large white bird wearing a peaked cap and a messenger bag stuffed with newspapers stuffed in it.

The flock of news coos picked their targets and pounced, some aliting on the railings next to waiting crewmates while others either perched on the rigging or continued their circling of the chanter, looking for someone that was likely to buy their wares. One such entrepreneurial avian flew a wide circuit towards the bow where it spotted a figure sat upon the figurehead, a appropriately sized sponge coloured round face adorned in a crown, its wide mouth yawning wide in a gormless smile.

Naruto looked up at the news coo as it came down to land beside him, raising a wing in a theatrical bow before offering its bag of newspapers. Amused at the showing, he pulled out one of the rolled out papers and fished out his betteed frog wallet from his coat and gave the bird a few notes, one for the paper and one for the trouble.

Unwrapping the paper, he began to quietly hum to himself as he read over its contents.

It had been several weeks since his and Linlin's latest clash and subsequent (ahem) horizontal negotiations near Tonigari Island and a lot had happened in a comparatively short time. When Linlin's ship had caught up to them the crew had been confused and concerned at the fact that Linlin looked satisfied yet Naruto was very clearly still alive and equally as glowing.

They had all but voided their pants when she had proclaimed his new status as her husband and when Naruto had tried to argue the point on the side of the crew that this was just an alliance she had proudly stated that they had already consummated it over a vow.

He had only hoped that that was where it stopped.

Looking at the front cover of the World Economic Journal, a sizable tickmark appeared at Naruto's temple as he read the title.

COUNTRY DESTROYER AND TYPHON ALLIANCE! START OF THE BIG FAMILY PIRATES!?

"How the hell does this stuff leak out so quickly!? Does the crew have loose lips or do we need to buy more white transponder snails?" he questioned irately, rifling through the pages to read whatever slander was being spread about him.

"Slander is spoken, if it's in print then it's liable." Kurama rumbled from the back of his mind, causing Naruto to mentally glower at the mightiest Bijuu.

'Since when have you become an expert in literary defamation rules, fuzzbutt!?' Naruto asked, skimming through the words before settling on the actual details of the so-called 'Big Family' alliance.

Kurama chuckled, ever enjoying a verbal spar with his partner. "Because I actually read these articles all the way through instead of just screaming at a headline and ranting into the ether. Believe it or not you can learn much more if you read the important details rather than tuning out context."

Naruto growled at the snark, usually he was the more quippy of the duo but Linlin had been keeping him rather busy these last few weeks and not just in the bedroom. She had taken him back to Totto Land and given him a proper tour, scaring the pants off her subjects in the process, unused to seeing their queen in such a good mood. Whole Cake Island had been a site to behold and had cemented something in Naruto.

Linlin was a child at heart, but a woman in mind. Her methods could be brutal but it came from a noble goal and he would see their shared project become a bit more productive, a fairy tail kingdom made reality.

He caught movement out his periphery and saw a pair of crewmen and chess soldiers watching him uncertainly, he cast a glance their way and they retreated back inside to resume their duty. Darn, he wished they wouldn't be so nervous around him but he was still new and someone that defied the very logic of this world.

Still, it would not been the first time he had won over people, and in that respect this winter celebration was good.

After making their alliance and his tacit 'kingship' of Totto, Linlin had decided that a proper celebration was in order and they had left Totto bound for Paradise, apparently to meet up with some of her allied crews in the first half of the Grand Line for a winter celebration that came around once a year.

Not that he could tell given the Grand Line's schizophrenic weather fronts.

He paused his train of thought when a small pudgy hand reached up from his lap to point at an illustration of Naruto in the paper. "Papa!"

Naruto turned before his face softened, looking at the bundle of spikey crimson hair looking up at him. Charlotte Katakuri, now three years old, sat in his lap with wide eyes and a toothy grin. Linlin's genes were definitely kicking in with a vengeance for despite being just out of toddler range he was already the size of a normal eight year old, amble to comfortable sit beside the young man. He ruffled the boy's hair goodnaturedly and chuckled as the little boy chirruped a laugh before returning to nibbling on a doughnut.

Despite his misgivings with how quickly Linlin was rushing into things with him, Naruto could not deny that he found her children unspeakably adorable. The feeling had been mutual as the children had gravitated towards the spiky haired blonde due to the ever present vibe of warmth and safety they felt in his presence. Most of the crew either treated the princes and princesses of their nation as sycophants or like they were made of glass, not getting close.

It was something that Naruto couldn't stand to see, separation based on traits they had no control over. So whenever he could during this trip into Paradise he had made sure to spend time with them and made sure they had fun and felt safe in his presence.

"Hehe, I'm a ship~!"

Returning to the newspaper, he glanced at the bounties section and scanned for his name, wondering if his 'marriage' had caused the price to rise but became sidetracked when he saw a different kind of bounty. His smile faded, replaced with an ugly frown.

"Don't frown, it doesn't look good on you, Whiskers." A tall shadow was cast over Naruto and Katakuri and Linlin hopped down from the top of the 'birthday cake' to stand next to her lover and second son. "Seen something you don't like?" she asked, feeling his discontent rolling off him as an almost visible cloud.

Silence was her answer, forcing her to lean over and look at the newspaper, her nose wrinkling in disgust. "Damned poachers."

Poacher, yes that was an adequate term for what the bounty involved. A standard fee to report sightings and reward the capture and turning over of two particular races to the hands of the World Government, the Lunarians and the Buccaneers.

"Persecuting someone for something so stupid as the race they were born into. Celestial Dragons? More like crap covered worms." Naruto said, watching his language due to Katakuri's presence.

"Hehe, I'm a ship~!"

Linlin tipped her new bicorn hat to shade her eyes, it was an ugly truth that the scramble for this worlds peoples and creatures made monsters of men and perhaps if she had taken a different path she might have reduced these persecuted peoples to specimens to be collected.

"Hehe, I'm a ship~!"

Veins pulsed in Naruto's temples, while the Chanter was a fine ship, its nature as a Homie made its semi-sentient nature annoying at times. "How many do you think are left?"

Linlin sighed, the talk was heavy for what should have been a time of celebration. "My sources tell me that some Buccaneers made an exodus into the South Blue, as for the Lunarians, I don't know. Something drove them from their sky islands during the void century and what couldn't slip between the cracks of the world were executed by the World Nobles on site. That advert in the paper has been there for the better part of 300 years."

"Hehe, I'm a shi-

Having enough of the Homie's prattle, naruto's hand whipped to his Seastone bo staff strapped to his back, unlashing it and whipping it down against the figurehead in one smooth motion. An invisible tremor burst from the point of impact and caused the entire ship to shudder slightly but left no mark, the figurehead falling silent.

Linlin's eyebrow twitched at him, "Don't break our ship!"

"I didn't leave a mark," Naruto argued, grinning up at her and true to his word, there was not a single mark where he had struck.

Big Mom considered for a moment that this might be some analoge for Haki, Naruto using his own internal energy or chakra to push the essence of the Sea Stone into her homie to temporarily render it silent. Her pride however prevented her from complimenting him, instead huffing and looking away from him with a blush.

Silence reigned between the odd couple for about a minute before something odd happened. Linlin sensed it in a flash, a premonition of something bad but by the time she had turned to look at her lover and son it was already too late. In her premonition she had seen something horrid, Katakuri attempting to stuff too much donuts into his mouth and in an effort to open his mouth wider, splitting his cheeks into a horrid glasgow smile.

She whipped around, hearing a cry and saw…

Naruto looked down at Katakuri with a wince, a wad of fried doughnut gathered in his palm while Katakuri shook, it took a moment for it to become apparent why. Katakuri's rows of needle sharp shark like teeth were buried to the gums in Naruto's right forearm, blood bubbling to the surface.

"Katakuri!" Linlin cried, dropping to one knee to help her child who looked horrified at what he had done, but what exactly had he done?

Naruto had never taken his focus off the three year old, so the moment he had seen the rounded baby fat of his cheeks pull far tougher then it ever shood, he had quickly snatched the offending substance from Katakuri's mouth. In hindsight he should have predicted what would happen. A child no older than three, deprived of his beloved food with his jaws open to maximum extension? The result had been instant.

Prompted by an animalistic nature he had yet to develop an ability to suppress, Katakuri had lurched forwards and sank his fangs into the first thing he could, which in this case had been Naruto's right arm. When the red haze had cleared, the young boy had realised what he had done and let out a wail of sorrow, gleaning that he had unintentionally hurt someone who cared for him.

Blue eyes met orange and an empathetic look stopped Linlin in her tracks, a steel was under the blue, a request for trust. Dropping the doughnut material, Naruto gently slid the fingers of his left hand over Katakuri's gums and massaged them gently, encouraging the young boy to slowly clenched his jaw and gently draw the teeth from his flesh. The blonde made a soothing noise as he drew his hurt arm away so Katakuri didn't have to see it and was quick to pull out a cloth to wipe his blood from the second son's mouth.

Steam began to rise from the bite mark and Linlin watched, transfixed, as the grievous wound sealed itself shut in a matter of moments, but the whole time Naruto was focused on making sure Katakuri was okay.

Softly smiling at the crimson haired boy, his face now clean of any blood, Naruto spoke in a quiet voice. "Hey now, it's okay, ya'know. You didn't mean to do it and it's over now, so let's just see that cute little smile again, hey? After all, Linlin tells me that it's getting near Christmas. A time for family and sharing. Can you give me a smile, little protector?"

Katakuri sniffed, his eyes still glimmering with unshed tears but managed a small smile, one Naruto returned with gusto.

Linlin put an arm around the pair, yes she had picked well with this one. He was strong but kind, and hopefully the country they planned to make would be like that too.

(.0.0.0.)

The sky above Kuraigana Island was fittingly gloomy, a slate grey bank of low hanging clouds that hung over the forested island like a lead weight. The atmosphere was tepid and cold, dancing on the knife edge between snow and rain but managing to be neither as the bank sat squatley in place.

From the deck of his ship, Vice Admiral Monkey D Garp scowled up a storm, glaring balefully out at the dark waters that surrounded him. A tall man in the prime of his life at 33, Garp could quite easily fall within the realms of what most colloquially called superhumans. Standing in at 9'5", he had a broad and muscular build with a barrel chest, thick strong arms and a thicket of messy hair that jostled in the wind. Garp wore the standard garb of a Vice Admiral, a crisp white double breasted suit with a matching shirt and black tie, the emblematic 'justice' coat slung over his shoulders with gold eppoluters and two tone red and black cuffs that billowed as his HQ ship continued its lethargic circuit of the island.

Despite his age, Garp's face held a few lines from smiling too much and a shallow scar on his left temple. Despite the clear evidence that he was used to laid back cheer, the D clan member's current demeanour was anything but sunny.

Crossing his arms over his chest, Garp's black eyes scanned the horizon, spotting several other ships trailing a loose parameter if the island, each one a battleship like his though lacking his bulldog heraldry.

"Why do we have to do this crap, Bogard?" he said brusquely, a shorter marine in a grey suit and wide brimmed hat stepping into his peripheral vision.

"Orders from Fleet Admiral Kong, you know that as well as I do, sir." Bogard answered, his eyes hidden by the shadows of his hat. While his voice was level it was clear by the way that he groped the Katana sheathed at his side that he was just as disquieted by this position as his leader.

Barking a laugh of derision, Garp swept his hand out at the collection of battleships with them. "Four Vice Admirals to play babysitter to one of them is NOT how I wanted to spend Christmas, Boggard. I could be back in Goa right now, kicking back to relax and getting a workout in Grey Terminal."

Bogard fixed his superior with a sideways look, "Is that really the way you want to be spending your Christmas, sir?"

"Why not? They just dumped a fresh set of scrap runoffs from their steelworks in there and there's nothing that gets the blood pumping more than punching metal so hard it turns back into liquid!" Garp said, slamming his fist into an open palm at the thought, some of the life returning to his posture.

"What about your 8 year old son?"

"I have one of those?" the 33 year old blinked slowly before releasing a snort of laughter, "Oh shit, yeah I do. That reminds me that I need to start him on his training, there's this wonderful tiger infested gorge in the mountains that he can train in."

"Whatever you say, sir." Boggard wondered how the East Blue could be considered the weakest sea when monsters like Garp and Roger called the place home, they must cause the average level of strength in the entire sea to go up a few notches by their very existence.

Another battleship approached Garp's HQ-3 slowly, sailing into the wind as it was but even then you could make out the letters G-5 proudly emblazoned on the main sail. A tall figure stood atop the starboard rotary turret watching the approaching Bulldog and lept from one ship to another as they passed, ignoring the calls of confusion from their own crew as he walked towards Bogard and Garp.

The man was a few years Garp's junior but of a similar build and bore the hallmarks of a Vice Admiral. He had a strong face with small but intelligent eyes, his hair close cropped and purple.

Upon seeing the arrival of the younger man, Garp mustered a grin before chambering a punch and launching it at the newcomer. He was pleased when the tall 29 year old sent up a hand to catch his fist, stopping it dead in its tracks. "Getting better at that, Zephyr. Been hitting the shipyards to get some training in?"

Vice Admiral Zephyr smirked, shoving Garp playfully in the shoulder. "Stubborn bastard, you took most of the good scrap for yourself, I had to make do with a pair of mountains last month, I'm surprised you haven't created a perfectly flat country yet."

Zephyr was one of the rising stars in the Marines like Garp and while he didn't have a well touted rival yet like Roger or Rocks, he was tapped to potentially take up an admiral position in a few years time once he mastered his Haki. He was one of the only Marines in history to turn down the chance to eat a devil fruit any time it had been offered to him.

Garp nodded, slipping his hands into his pockets as the Bulldog came around the curve of the island. "Where'd the fun in that be? Flat country would have nothing to punch but the ground and I don't like the idea of digging holes when we aren't getting paid for it."

'Black Fist' rolled his eyes, Garp was always the wildcard of the marines. "What lie did Kong tell you to bring you out here?" he asked, the humour falling away from his words.

Laughter dying out, seriousness once more fell over Garp, looking out at the rolling hills of the island. He could spot what appeared to be packs of large bipedal apes watching the ships from the shore before ducking back into the trees. "Probably the same horse crap he told you, watching over 'noted dignitaries' in need of protection." the black haired marine sarcastically made quotation marks with his fingers.

Zephyr nodded grimly, confirming Garp's suspicions. "Cause he knew that if he told us the truth we'd have said no."

"I'd have told him to stick it up his ass, in fact, Bogard." he said to the shortest man of the trio, "Fetch the transponder snail, I think I'm gonna call up Kong and tell him that right now."

Bogard sighed before turning to leave, whether to get the Transponder Snail or just leave the two Vice Admirals to talk was left unclear.

Silence passed between both of the tall men as the ship finally circled around to the front of the island, the source of their ire moored in the port arrogantly. It was a ship of similar proportions to the Bulldog but with fewer canons and lacking the Marine's favoured dark green paint. A proud gilded lion figurehead was attached to the prow of the ship that seemed to turn its nose up at the port, as if offended by its existence. Their eyes were drawn to the sails, noting the absence of the Marine's seagull heraldry for what was there instead, the five pointed cross of the World Government.

And above it, the red Hoof of the Flying Dragon.

"World Nobles," Zephyr ground out, his hands tensing into fists.

"There's nothing noble about those assholes." Garp added, sending a scathing look at the ship.

When he had originally gotten the call from Kong about this operation, Garp had been mostly ambivalent, much more concerned with his upcoming chance to go home for the holidays. But there had been something that stank about what Kong had said to him that peaked his interest. Kuraigana Island was home to the Shikkearu Kingdom, a nation not part of the World Government, so the fact that they were being asked to escort dignitaries to the island was suspicious. Whenever an island or Kingdom made the request to join the WG, a general PSA about it was put out in Marineford, encouraging local Marine task forces to step up their operations in the area to make the transition smoother.

Not only had the Shikkearu Kingdom not been reported as wanting to join, it was a nation that in the past had routinely declined membership, preferring to stay in the hands of their mysterious and aloof monarch.

The shift in rhetoric had been too big of an oddity to not investigate but upon getting to the island Garp had been disgusted at just who he was being asked to protect.

Spotting another Marine battleship moored in the small harbour, Zephyr read off the identification number and groaned in annoyance. "They called in John for this one? We want sparks not to fly but we have that status quo sycophant on call with us."

There were four Vice Admirals that had been called in to assist this 'diplomatic venture', Garp, Zephyr, John Giant and Sengoku. With four of the biggest names in the Marines and a small flotilla of battleships circling the island it was obvious that this was no protection detail.

This was a blockade.

"Badda-badda-badda-badda-badda." Both men turned to see Bogard approaching them with a burbling transponder snail held in his arms, his face grim. Setting it down on the edge of the deck, he took a step back and waited. Garp and Zephyr exchanged a look, each wondering who should pick up before Garp finally lifted the brass receiver from its mounting.

"This is Garp," he said, feigning a normal voice.

Before their eyes, the three men watched as the psychic snail began to morph, a bushy black afro springing from its head and a moustache appearing at its top lip, mimicking the appearance of the one on the other end. "This is Sengoku."

He tapped the brass fittings of the receiver to his forehead in frustration before speaking again. "What is it, Sengoku? Got some new tea for me to try because I can guarantee that it's a damn site more entertaining than playing babysitter to an inbred hick."

The Afro sporting snail blinked slowly, weathering the hot words. "Mind your tongue, Garp. Like it or not we work for the World Government and thus the Celestial Dragons. Have you seen Zephyr?"

"I'm here, go ahead, Vice Admiral." the Black Fist of the marines commented, seeing no point in hiding his presence.

"Good, this means that I only have to make two calls instead of three, John has already been informed."

"Informed of what?" Garp asked, a knot of dread building in the pit of his stomach.

Before Sengoku could reply, distant sounds began to echo out from the centre of the island, screams of terror punctuated by sharp cracks of gunfire.

Their Observation Haki clicked on with a mental switch and even at this distance they could practically see hundreds of men, women and children cowering in fear with the Mandrills as armour clad knights stomped through the streets, driving their tall lances into legs and arms.

Garp was ready to leap into the fray when the snail spoke again in Sengoku's voice. "None of you are to interfere with the actions of Saint Jalmack. We are to maintain the blockade until either he is satisfied or the Count of the island returns."

Glaring down at the snail, Garp let out a roar of righteous anger. "FUCK YOU, SENGOKU! I did not sign up to the Marines to play toadie to the Dragons as they kill innocent people."

Sengoku paused, it was clear that despite his businesslike tone that he too was having his misgivings about their current course of action. "It is… regrettable but Saint Jalmack has promised that he will not explicitly kill any of the residents, merely wound-"

"That's besides the point and you know it, Sengoku." Garp reposted, the marines running about the deck taking a step back in fear. Zephyr closed his eyes, his knuckles white. He knew there was injustice in the marines, he just hoped he could rise high enough to make a change.

"This is an order Garp, maintain the blockade, do that an noone has to die. That's an order direct from the Gorosei." Sengoku proclaimed before the snail went dormant, the line going dead. Garp let out a wrathful cry, picking up the Transponder Snail and tossing it overboard.

Meanwhile, in the heart of the island, Saint Jalmack of the Celestial Dragons watched the man in front of him cower in fear as if he was some kind of insect pinned beneath a looking glass, most everything had that effect given the glass box he wore over his head. "Where is your king, commoner?" he asked, looking away from the crying form of the man's wife.

The people of this country all wore black cloaks emblazoned with the sigil of a red bat's skull. It disgusted the world noble that these clods of mud had the gall to bear heraldry not of the World Government.

"C-c-c-" the aid stammered, unable to tear his eyes way from the broken visage of a man that Jalmac road atop like a horse, is that what was to become of his people? "C-count Red is away from the island, I don't know when he will be back."

This was such a tedious endeavour, reflected the Saint, shooting the aid in the kneecap, ignoring him as he fell to the ground and calling bloody murder. "What a despicable showing of tardiness from a so-called monarch. He should have been on hand to greet us when we arrived."

Looking up at the space suit clad aristocrat, the aid was able to choke out, "But we were never told you were coming!"

"Of course not! What business does an ant have knowing that their god will be visiting their dunghill? You should have been ready as a matter of principle."

He checked his watch before re-cocking his ornate flintlock pistol, this time pointing it at another resident. "Fine, for each hour I am forced to wait I will shoot ten of your people, starting with your wife."

The gun cracked again, splintering a kneecap. He wouldn't kill any of them, after all that was part of the coming game and he would not spoil that.

As screams of man and monkey alike filled the air, Jalmack had no idea the hell he had just called down on himself, thundering across the sea.

One who lived above the clouds could never know that a storm was on its way.

(.0.0.0.)

Dropping anchor in a nondescript section of the ocean that was just as seemingly idyllic as the rest of Paradise, the Queen Mama Chanter sat squat upon the surface as the thousand strong crew needed to man her ran about for their assigned duties. Although, that was not strictly true.

As a Homie animated by Big Mom's Soru Soru no Mi, the majority of the Chanter's functions were essentially automated with one having to simply ask an assigned section of the ship to do a particular action. It was more accurate to call the Chanter a colony of Homies because beyond the individual sections of animated wood and steel that had been hammered together into a Barque, there were hundreds of other sentient items and beings made manifest by Big Mom's power. Some were simple articles of furniture that bore eyes and a mouth, cheerfully telling those that passed of their function.

Others were more intelligent, shaped into simulacrums of life. It was only Linlin's personal Homies that had complex thought.

"Hurry, hurry! We have to get the Christmas decorations up!" Zeus warbled unsurely, floating over the workforce. His usual baseball cap had been tossed out in favour of a santa hat with a smaller cloud at its end. "Mama wants everything ready before the guests get here!"

Naruto walked through the mess, the crew compliment giving him a wide berth out of respect and fear. The crew were setting up all manner of christmas decorations along the deck and hanging from the rigging, a pair of Knight chess soldiers struggling to lift a long table towards the stern. Seeing their plight, the blonde quickly formed a T shaped handsign and a dozen clones popped into existence, trooping over to help the valiant custodians lift the table towards the rear superstructure.

"Thanks Whiskers." Prometheus called from the crows nest grudgingly, his opinion of the blonde hadn't gone up by much in the last few weeks but he appreciated when Naruto chipped in about the crew.

He spotted Linlin standing one the railings of the ship and hopped up to stand beside her, looking out towards the distant horizon. "This is all a bit much," he said, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment.

Linlin looked down at her lover with a toothy grin, relishing his embarrassment. It was one of the few victories she could get over him. "It's far smaller than what we usually do this time of year, the Christmas celebration at Whole Cake Chateau has everyone in all of Totto Land invited. This is a far smaller affair for your benefit, Naruto." she explained.

Pinching the bridge of his nose at Linlin's definition of 'smaller' set to the sound of over a thousand people building, decorating and cooking like their lives depended on it, Naruto decided to instead satiate his curiosity. "So who are these ally crews of yours?" he asked.

"Only two are coming today due to the invitations going out on such short notice," Linlin's face gained a predatory glint, "Usually I'd have been sure to 'prompt' all invitees to attend-ow!" she felt a sharp pain in her side, Naruto having jabbed her in the side.

"None of that. You don't get a good reputation if you kill or torture anyone that doesn't come to your parties." Naruto scolded, wagging a finger at his girlfriend, a spark of electricity jumping from the fingertip.

The pinkette rolled her eyes at the rebuke but found that her mood did not sour, it felt strangely good being told 'not' to do something for once. The way Naruto talked to her was different from how Streusen or even Mother Caramel had once talked to her. Streusen could be snide and buttery all at once while Mother Caramel had honeyed words that overrode any arguments she might have had. Naruto though? He simply talked to her, gave her a direction and outside perspective but still let her come to her own decision.

"These two are chalk and cheese, polar opposites in their own way but still good. One's a huge slab of beef with motley crew and a heart of gold while the other is an aloof count the claims he has no crew at all." Linlin said, recalling her allies.

Humming in curiosity, Naruto decided to probe the latter. "Claims? What do you mean?"

"He's always been fiercely independent, but that doesn't mean he hasn't acquired followers even after becoming the count of his nation down here in Paradise. He calls them his aids and entourage, never his crew despite the fact they fight for him and sail him from place to place."

With those words did Naruto finally see a pair of ships crest over the distant horizon, slowly sailing over the calm waters towards the much bigger Chanter. The first was a darkly coloured frigate with a golden W as its figurehead, its sails bore the jolly roger consisting of skull and bones wearing a spiked helmet and that same gold 'W' as a moustache.

The second ship was much smaller, a red sloop with yellow and black chequered sails and heraldry of a red bat skull.

Satisfied that her two allies were close at hand, Linlin hopped down onto the deck with a thump. "Come on, let's get seated and wait for them to be properly introduced."

Sparing the twin ships one more look, Naruto shook his head before following behind Linlin, cringing at the number of salutes and bows he received due to Linlin's closeness.

Ten minutes later they were seated at a long table in the trifle themed superstructure at the ship's stern which turned out to be a dining hall of ridiculous size. It had been appointed for the occasion with candy canes and decorations streaming from the overhanging observation platforms. A tall and healthy pine three had been decorated with a standard of a serene nun in place of the star. All in all, it was exceedingly cosy.

Despite Linlin's claims that this was a small affair, the hall was packed. Every island in Totto Land had sent at least two dignitaries and higher ranking officers in the fleet had been afforded invitations as thank yous for a year's hard work. While the dignitaries and crewmembers were clustered around dozens of satellite tables, the main long table was reserved for the Royal Family and her as yet unarrived allies. Naruto sat besides his Gargantuan lover while the first five of her children were arranged around them, already snaking on child friendly foods.

Pulling at the collar of his coat, Naruto felt a little out of place being the centre of so much pomp and circumstance, which was ironic given he had spent much of his early life wanting to be the centre of attention.

The lights in the hall dimmed and a hush fell over the tables, the burble of happy holiday conversation falling silent. A spotlight clicked on with a sharp pop and highlighted a King Chess soldier, his usual blue cape and yellow tunic traded out in favor of a red and green ensemble. He withdrew a rolled bit of parchment from a satchel at his side an held it in front of himself.

Clearing his throat to speak, the King-Piece began. "Introducing the first of Mama's honoured guests for this wondrous Christmas celebration, I hereby present the Captain of the World Pirates, with a bounty of 500,000,000 Berri, "World Destroyer" Byrnndi World and his crew."

The arched white doors to the hall swung open on crystalline hinges, revealing a large shadow in the door. A second spotlight clicked on, illuminating the newcomers and Naruto watched on in surprise.

A mountain of a man stepped forwards, a foot taller than Linlin but by far and a ways thicker set. His physique was rippling with muscle with thick arms and an iron hard body. He had a full beared and a comically large W shaped moustache, a scar covering his left eye and a thick chain bandoleer going across his bare chest. He also wore a pair of green pants and a horned helmet with one of the horns notably broken off. Despite his intimidating appearance, his face was set in a jovial grin, beady eyes glittering happily upon seeing Linlin. "Mama!" World boomed, holding his arms wide as he entered the room. "It's been far too long, Barorororororo!" he laughed.

His crew walked in behind him, an eclectic bunch to be sure but they all looked just as happy as their captain to be there. A short, sickly looking man leaning on a cane with a matching helmet to World. A pretty young woman with purple hair in a bun, a short pink qipao and a doctor's coat. They were joined by an eccentric man in suspenders with cube shaped hair extensions and a muscled fishman with a pair of sunglasses and a a novelty bowtie that span by itself.

"World! So good of you to come. I know it was short notice but I just had to have you here for Christmas." Linlin exclaimed, rising from her seat and embracing the broader man as her came to the table. "I'd love to introduce you to my new partner, Naruto." she said after breaking from the hug and gesturing to Naruto who got up.

"Nice to meet'cha, big guy." Naruto greeted, totally unintimidated by the mass of muscle before him.

World grinned, smacking Naruto on the back goodnaturedly in greeting, his smile broadened even further when Naruto did not stumble at the hit that would have sent most men reeling. "Hello to you, Naruto, the so-called Typhon. You're much shorter than I expected but you have a rod of iron up your spine. You'll need it to handle Linlin here."

"Don't I know it," Naruto chuckled, drawing another peel of laughter from the captain as he and his crew seated themselves around the table. World and the smaller man, revealed to be his elder brother Byojack, removed their helmets and quickly launched into pleasant smalltalk with Naruto and Linlin.

They were the pure definition of a motley crew but they had a charm to them. World was bombastic with a lust for life and sense of adventure who wanted to hear all about the year long chase that had culminated several weeks ago. Byojack was far more timid but Naruto could sense a genuine happiness in the sickly man, expressing it through a soft smile. Gerrin the cube themed shipwrite had stars in his eyes combing over the Chanter while the ship doctor Nightin cooed over the children.

"Hey Captain, it's Christmas aint it?" Sebastian the fishman asked, gesturing at the odd family unit that were their hosts, "So bring out the presents already!"

Slapping his face at forgetting something so basic, World began to rummage around in the pockets of his oversized captain's coat. "You're in luck, I found something perfect for your crew, though I don't know if your new hubby-"

"Urk!" Naruto spluttered, thumping his chest at his drink going down his windpipe.

"-will want it. Suppose your crew could grab it if one of them has a like for this sort of thing. Ah, here!" Finding what he was looking for, World drew out a wrapped present that fit in his oversized hand and slid it down the table as gently as he could. He had meant to pass it to Linlin but it came to a stop in front of Katakuri who eyed it with intrigue.

Katakuri looked between the box and Linlin before looking to Naruto who nodded in encouragement. The young boy pulled the ribbon and tore the present open revealing a simple cardboard box that Naruto lent over and opened.

Looking into the box, Naruto raised an eyebrow, "A bit early for new years, isn't it World?"

Linlin raised an eyebrow before her eyes widened as Katakuri drew out a peculiar looking white fruit covered in swirling patterns and a curly green stem. "That's not a Kagami Mochi you dumbass, that's a Devil Fruit!"

The lights dimmed again, snuffing the excitement as the King-Piece made ready to introduce the next guest. "Hailing from the Grand Line, I hereby present the Count of the Shikkearu Kingdom, a pirate with a bounty of 848,000,000 Berri, Patric Redfield "The Aloof.""

The doors opened again and another tall figure entered, causing Naruto to realise that next to Byojack he was now officially the shortest person at the table. Redfield was tall and thin with an elfen face, pale skin and curled eyebrows. He had rich red hair that he wore in a pair of braids that trailed down to his shoulders. The Count wore a magenta silk shirt and red slacks, a red ascot at his throat and a large blue carnation at his left lapel. Over all of it he wore a red mantle with a popped collar and yellow and black chequered lining. He held a batwing themed umbrella in one hand that he used as a cane, walking gracefully into the room.

Redfield offered Linlin a theatrical bow before approaching the table, a seat being pulled out for him by a similarly attired aid. "Linlin, always a pleasure." he greeted before taking Naruto's measure, "and the man of the hour, I must say your first bounty was a surprise to be sure, its rare for someone to nearly get triple digits as a first showing and earn the attention of our dear Mama."

He spoke in a rich voice with eloquent intonation on each word. Something moved within his cloak and Naruto was surprised when a small Tanuki popped its head out of the Count's mantle to look over the assembled guests, causing the children to coo.

"Nice Tanuki, he's more polite than the last one I met." Naruto mentioned, thoughts of a homicidal sand racoon playing across his mind.

Smiling at the critter warmly, Redfield patted the Tanuki fondly, "Aye, Pato is as special to me as Linlin's homies. But where are my manners, tis christmas no?" an aid approached with a richly wrapped package that Redfield slid over to the blonde and pink duo. "A merry christmas to your burgeoning family, I hope I get an invite to the wedding." he snarked, condescension in his voice but Naruto could sense it was surface level only, a put on air of haughtiness to hide the fact that it was genuine.

Naruto took the time to open this one, revealing a large Transponder Snail modelled in the style of the vampiricly coded Count. "Huh, you know I've never actually owned one of these despite running around for a year."

"That's your own fault for never staying on one island for too long." Linlin groused, earning her a side eye from Naruto.

"Its almost like someone was hunting me with the intent to either kill or enslave…"

"And yet here we are at a christmas party, I won."

"I can quite easily feed you your own Thigh Highs again if you want a spar, Linlin. But then you'd complain that I broke another one of your swords." Naruto challenged, causing the crew to laugh at the banter.

Redfield tapped his umbrella to the floor, a far more refined form of assent, "It's a direct line from Kuriagana to Totto Land should you ever need to get ahold of me for whatever reason."

It was a thoughtful yet practical gift for those in alliance, and all would have gone well for the rest of the Christmas celebration had something not happened. One tiny, innocuous thing.

"Bada-bada-bada-bada-bada."

The Snail began to ring.

Naruto shared a look with Linlin, silence falling over the table while Redfield's brows knitted together in concern. Swallowing thickly, Naruto picked up the receiver and the Transponder Snail; exploded into life. Its face morphed into one of pained terror as the screams of those fearing for their lives came over the receiver.

"Oh god help us! Save us, Count. Please, you must return at once!" the snail bleated before the sound of a gunshot rang out. The snail jostled before taking on an apathetic look. "To whom do I speak now?"

The voice was dripping with arrogance and apathetic spite.

Naruto offered Redfield a look, the Count's demeanour was stony, gathering his thoughts. Handing the older man the receiver, Naruto watched as the Aloof took a breath before responding. "This is Count Patric Redfield of the Shikkearu Kingdom, and I am going to have to ask. What in the name of God's blue marbel that we live upon are you doing to my home?"

The words were conversational but silenced by the murderous glint in Red's eye.

Sniffing derisively, the Snail replied. "How dare you, a commoner, use the name of God. I am a god, not you. I am Saint Jalmac of the Celestial Dragons and here is the reality of the situation. I am currently in this dungheap you call a kingdom, you are not. Your presence is required immediately. For every hour you delay your arrival, ten of your subjects will be maimed. Do not waste my time."

The line went dead and silence filled the room, no one had anything to offer as the day of gracious giving had just been perverted to something darker. But then, it began, a presence that bore down on all those present as if gravity was slowly but surely being dialed up. Within the glasses around the room, wine began to come to a boil and those of weak constitutions simply passed out.

It did not come from Redfield, for while he was angry for his people, he maintained aloof control worthy of his namesake. It did not come from World even as he balled his fists in outrage.

Nor Linlin, her mood shifting Zues far above to an angry black cloud.

No. It was Naruto. An aura of golden chakra began to radiate out from the blonde like a corona of fire, the wood of the table blistering under its touch as the blonde got to his feet and began to speak, his voice a whisper that held the voice of a hurricane.

"Today is supposed to be for giving. To look back on the year and bring those we care about close…show just how big your family is." Wine bottles around the room began to detonate one by one, a wind radiating from Naruto's body as his eyes narrowed to slits and bled red. "But now someone that has given me a gift is being slighted, those under his protection persecuted for no fault of his own… that will not stand. This world is due a christmas miracle and all I ask is you join me in giving it by removing a stain upon it."

Linlin, World and Redield grinned with predatory glee.

"Let's go kill a Celestial Dragon."

A/N: And there we have it! Hope you enjoyed!

Weeeell? What did you think? Should this remain a story? Yay or nay? Really need to hear from you, here.

As stated, this has a high chance of being upgraded to M later down the line, but I need to know if folks want to see that.

Once more, we're sticking with the "Embers" rule for this story, and others. Meaning folks don't like this, it won't be continued. If the story itself ain't popular/well-received...well, I won't be able to continue it. I'm working two jobs, holidays are here too, meaning I barely have time to write; as such, I cannot afford to write something folks don't enjoy.

So by all means, speak up! Your voice matters! Make yourself heard! As ever, reviews are the fuel that sustain me. Without them I cannot write a single word. Simple as that. Working nearly all hours of the day keep me absurdly busy, and I can't bring myself to write something folks don't like.

So? Should this little tale continue? Or fall into oblivion?

By all means, speak up! Make yourselves heard!

So in the Immortal Words of Atlas…

...Review...Would You Kindly?

And enjoy the Previews!

As ever:

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

PLOT DETAILS AHOY!

YE BE WARNED!

Read at your own risk!

As ever, these are from the far flung future...or are they~?!

Previews are mostly the same, wouldn't want to spoil things now.

(Previews!)

"Kill them!"

"Enough."

He couldn't see the man through the blindfold. But he could hear his voice.

He listened to every bit of what followed and how it morphed into pained screams of terror.

"It's alright, now." a hand came down on the back of his head, "I'm here."

This was strength. This was power.

This was a Monster.

"Teach me!"

"Doflamingo, was it...?"

There was so much anger in this boy. He could feel it. Sense it.

Did he really want to leave him alone? Let him go down a dark path...?

Still, that attitude of his would need some work.

"Please...?"

R&R~!