A/N: Hello readers! I hope this chapter is worth the wait and once again thank you sirena-sensei for betareading this chapter! 3 Now onwards to this story! :3
Thank you for all the favorites, follows, and reviews for this fic. :)
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Eleven
Shit. Tsuna was a wreck.
Reborn cursed inwardly. He didn't know what had happened in the future, or how old Tsuna had been before returning here. He didn't know how his future self had died. But what Reborn had said earlier still stood. Ever since Tsuna had shown him his conviction to break the Arcobaleno curse, Reborn had decided he wouldn't die with regret. That meant living in the present with the chance Tsuna had given them.
That meant Future Reborn must have chosen to protect this Tsuna. And yet, seeing Tsuna like this, vulnerable and hurt, the person his future self had protected and at the same time had left behind…
Reborn frowned, distaste curling in his stomach. He hadn't been strong enough to stay alive. For a moment he blamed his future self for dying on his student, traumatizing Tsuna in the process. But as fast as the feeling had come, Reborn couldn't fully blame his future self. If given the choice for his life or Tsuna's well-being, he would have done the same.
However, seeing the effect of that decision on Tsuna, his stomach turned uneasily.
"Why…?" Tsuna asked again, his voice hitched and his hold tightened around Reborn's hand, desperate and shaky. His body shivering from both the cold of the room and the pain encapsulating his heart, body, and soul.
Reborn knew these questions weren't meant for him. He couldn't truly understand what had gone through the mind of his future self. But Tsuna's statement rang true. Reborn didn't fully or partially understand the situation, but for his student who had gone back in time all to save Reborn from his own demise. If Reborn could answer in his future self's stead, he would goddamn do it.
"Tsuna." Tsuna's name flew past his lips, the usage of his real name showcasing the gravity of what he would say.
The brunet mouthed a voiceless no, refusing to hear him out. If Tsuna wouldn't then he would proceed to Plan B.
Reborn yanked the brunet forward, physically dislodging Tsuna from his current position. Now Reborn could clearly see Tsuna's crying face, the tears brimming in brown eyes. Now, the anguish that Tsuna had been trying to hide ever since he arrived was on full display.
Piecing back Tsuna's shattered heart would start with him not hiding from Reborn, and it wouldn't happen if Tsuna was closing himself off from him.
Reborn took another glance at Tsuna's state and even though he felt a twinge in his heart for indirectly causing this. He had to make Tsuna understand none of this was his fault.
Reborn should be careful, to gently ease Tsuna into that idea, but the more time he wallowed inside his head, the longer it would take him to heal.
For the past two years, Reborn had trained him, raised him. Right now what Tsuna needed was for his worries to disappear before it could dig deeper.
Tsuna's self-pity, blame, hatred, all those negative emotions clouding his mind... Reborn would take it out with a forceful wrench. It was what Reborn was here for, to be the person who would guide him and give him the strength necessary to stand on his own two feet.
"Tsuna, listen to me."
Tsuna didn't dare look at him. Reborn tched inwardly in annoyance. Reborn reached for Tsuna's left cheek and pinched it red. Tsuna didn't get a chance to properly complain about the abuse–well, aside from indecipherable gibberish words–before Leon turned into a cane. Reborn used it to smack Tsuna's forehead.
"Ow!" Tsuna jolted to attention; eyes wide and mouth open like a puffed spluttering fish. Instantly, the sight reminded him of Iemitsu and he became irritated. Reborn pinched harder.
Tsuna grimaced at the seemingly meaningless hurt he was dishing out. Good. It was a better look than earlier. Before Tsuna could get any words out, the hitman stared at Tsuna with a dark look that promised pain. The brunet wisely shut up, for now. Reborn eyed his student speculatively. Maybe he should do something about that mouth.
"Listen, you're an idiot, Stupid-Tsuna. Of all the things you inherited from Iemitsu, you also got his idiocy." Reborn sighed mockingly and shook his head in disappointment. "How could my future self let you be this stupid?"
Tsuna's eyes widened as he fell for the distraction, mouth flapping open to voice out a denial or an indignant splutter. "I'm n–"
Then Reborn smacked the same spot, it was more of a light-tap. As expected, Tsuna reached his limit.
"Stop hitting me, that hurts!" Tsuna huffed. He freed himself from Reborn and backed away to nurse his forehead, grumbling to himself.
He looked like a pouting dog. Cute was the single thought that appeared inside Reborn's head.
On the other hand, his partner Leon glowed and transformed into a rope. Quick as a lightning Reborn tied it around Tsuna's wrists, tight enough that it would be hard to remove but not enough to be painful.
Tsuna was preoccupied and therefore too slow to put up a proper resistance other than a squawk of Reborn's name after he was already done.
Reborn pulled another item from his person. Seeing it, Tsuna tried to inch away, but with his hands tied he wasn't successful.
"Wha–what are you goimffm–mphmmmfff–"
Tsuna's voice was soon muffled when Reborn finally covered his student's mouth with a cloth and securely tied it in a double knot.
Now, Reborn could speak without being interrupted. Was it rude of him to do this? Yes. Did Reborn care? No. He could always apologize later.
The brunet tugged testingly at the restriction to no avail. Reborn had made sure it was secure. All Tsuna could do was slump his shoulders forward, hands between parted kneeling knees. It was a defeated posture that Tsuna was exuding with apparent ease. It made Reborn itch to kick him over.
Tsuna's gaze was cautious and his eyes were orange. The tell-tale sign of flame usage. Tsuna could have burst into Sky Flames right then but the brunet wouldn't hurt Leon. Instead, Tsuna settled with a pleading look directed at the chameleon-turned-rope, to which Leon responded by merely blinking in confusion.
Reborn clicked his tongue, dismayed words coming from him. "It seems that in your old age you've forgotten what I taught you, No-Good Tsuna."
Tsuna squinted his eyes, brows furrowed, still looking at anything but him. Reborn took that as a refusal and replied with an insult.
"Look at me and stop acting like a child."
Tsuna's hand shifted into a closed fist at the aggravating words and he lifted his head to look straight ahead at the bridge of Reborn's nose to prove his tutor wrong. This was the only agreement Reborn could pry from Tsuna and, he supposed, it was enough.
Tsuna could be stubborn but Reborn would always out-stubborn him, especially when it came to this. No matter what happened in that future, Tsuna shouldn't be blaming himself, not at all. Helping the brunet was Reborn's responsibility, this was something he wanted to do for Tsuna, something he would do for Tsuna. He was sure his future self would do the same.
Reborn's gaze hardened in conviction towards the other as he started. "Tsuna, you can't save everyone." Tsuna's back straightened and he opened his mouth, but the gag prevented him from actually voicing anything. Nevertheless, Reborn could see his refusal in his gaze alone. Reborn ignored it.
"You are not a God or a hero. You are Neo Vongola Primo, a human with weakness. You don't have any right to blame yourself for something that I chose." Reborn said forcefully.
Tsuna's sharply shook his head, a clear gesture of vehement and helpless rejection. His shoulders hunched into itself and Tsuna's head bowed to hide his face from Reborn.
Reborn didn't have to be a mind reader or see Tsuna's face to know what was going through his mind right then.
Reborn exhaled. "My future self chose to protect you." In a deliberate action, he moved closer so his knees knocked against the closed fist resting on the bed. Tsuna's blurry eyes jolted towards him, his orange orbs glowing in the dimmed room.
"His death wasn't your fault. You already know that, don't you?" Reborn's voice was no longer harsh. It was meant to soften the impact but Tsuna still recoiled and attempted to turn away. Chubby hands smushed Tsuna's cheeks to prevent him from escaping Reborn's words.
"That's why, stop being stupid already," Reborn repeated as he squeezed Tsuna's cheeks.
The tutor made sure that Tsuna could see the genuine sincerity in his face, that his attention was solely focused on him. Tsuna didn't struggle in his hold, he remained still and tense until his eyes turned glassy. He looked like a puffed up squirrel but instead of finding the sight ridiculous, his heart twisted painfully. He watched as tears trickled down Reborn's hand.
Reborn didn't dare wipe it away, he let it fall and leave its brand on his skin, an invisible mark that Reborn would bear. Reborn watched as Tsuna came undone and put himself back together.
A few moments later, the brunet finally nodded. Reborn internally smirked at this sign of tentative acceptance. It was progress and to reward it the hitman moved to cup Tsuna's ear then trailed to card his fingers through brown locks.
Tsuna looked on with confusion, with longing, before deciding to close his eyes and leaned into the contact like earlier, like all the times Reborn had touched him.
Reborn's hands were used to taking lives and inflicting pain. It was strange to think that someday someone would take comfort in that same blood-soaked touch.
Reborn was like a snake-charmer as he dangled the affection Tsuna yearned for like a bait. But it got the job done, so Reborn couldn't really complain. Did Reborn feel guilty? Yes.
Was it because it was wrong?
Reborn blinked, mulling over the correct answer as he dipped his fingers along Tsuna's scalp–methodically, soothingly–as if to chase away the negative thoughts consuming his student's mind. Tsuna was putty on his hands. The notion of it stroked his ego, but if Reborn wasn't careful he could get addicted to this control he had over him. But at the same time, something nestled in his stomach. It was warm, a budding emotion that would eventually grow tenfold and had engulfed his future counterpart.
To answer that, no, Reborn felt guilty because it was Tsuna on the receiving end of it.
Instead of probing deeper to the possibility of his… fondness over his student the hitman focused on another topic.
Reborn was enough for the meantime, but Tsuna needed more people by his side, to support him, to help him heal. This would be where Tsuna's Guardians would come in.
Reborn knew Tsuna and the other teens. They would gladly help, Hayato even more so with all his tail wagging, and Reborn knew their adult selves had to have helped Tsuna through his grief, and likely told him the same things he had already said. Tsuna had listened to them, but he must have still blamed himself. When he returned back in time and had chosen to dye his hands red for the sake of a happier future. Tsuna had been dealing with all of these burdens by himself. It had caused old wounds to re-open and bleed.
It was only his determination to save Reborn that had kept him going.
Now that Tsuna had opened up to him and finally confirmed Reborn's theory, he would return that extended trust. Reborn wouldn't fail. Not when Tsuna looked at him as if he'd hung the world.
If it meant gluing Tsuna's heart back together with his own pudgy hands, then so be it.
Comfortable silence filled the air, Reborn's warmth lulling Tsuna into a needed blanket of security. Deeming the brunet calm enough, Reborn eventually stopped his ministrations and pulled back. Tsuna's wet lashes fluttered open, eyes back to their original color, but expression careful. Hesitant. Reborn inwardly squinted his eyes.
"Do you understand, Tsuna?" Reborn asked.
This time Tsuna didn't make any move to answer him. Reborn shoved the looming headache he could feel behind his eyelids. Against his better judgment, he undid the gag. Tsuna sucked in a relieved breath. Before Tsuna could say anything, a distraction, an excuse, Reborn directed a piercing gaze at the other as he said: "Tsuna, we aren't done yet."
Tsuna's eyes widened, like a child caught dipping his hand on a cookie jar and his lips pursed. "I don't know what you want me to say, Reborn."
"Try again or Leon will be staying like that," Reborn said, moving out of Tsuna's personal space and staying a foot away from him. Reborn noticed Tsuna's hands twitched as he did so. Maybe he should have threatened to leave if Tsuna didn't start talking.
Tsuna closed his eyes and when he reopened them he looked straight ahead in Reborn's direction, "...You're not being fair, Reborn." Tsuna's lips were formed between a half smile and a grimace.
Reborn let out an unimpressed look and would cross his arms and sniff in disdain if he wasn't the World Greatest Hitman. "You're noticing this now?"
"You're a dick." Tsuna insulted.
Reborn tutted as he threw a ruler on Tsuna's face, Tsuna yelped as it smacked him on the forehead. "Such crass words are unbefitting of a Mafia boss." Reborn ignored the half-hearted glare at the mafia boss' comment while he faked-lamented: "Just where did my future self go wrong with you?"
Tsuna glared again as he tugged at the rope to no avail. Finding that it wasn't budging, Tsuna redirected his focus on Reborn. "You play dirty, Reborn." Tsuna was wearing a smile but his eyes weren't.
Reborn blinked up at him with a smirk and uttered in a playful voice, "I'm a hitman, Tsuna, not a saint. And neither are you. Do you want me to repeat the whole spiel from earlier?" Without meaning to, Reborn's aura darkened and the–almost–playful exchange disappeared.
Before Tsuna could voice any response , Reborn decided that it was time to bring in the big guns. "Tsuna, my patience is running thin."
Tsuna flinched but he pressed his lips stubbornly.
Reborn was ticked-off, of Tsuna, of trying to pry out the words he wasn't saying, of seeing the brunet hindering himself by wallowing in self-pity, when he had already fixed what he had been here for .
Reborn heaved a dramatic sigh and stood up. "Fine, be that way." Reborn turned towards the exit and jumped on the floor.
The effect was instantaneous, Tsuna scrambled to his feet with a shout of: "Wait!" but in his haste, he tripped, and fell on the floor. "W-wait please! Reborn!"
For a second, Reborn was sorry for taking advantage of Tsuna's feelings, but it was better this way. Reborn paused by the doorway, then faced Tsuna again, face unreadable.
However, his fist did tighten at seeing Tsuna on the floor and looking through him.
"Reborn… I, I'll do whatever you want. Just, please–don't go." Tsuna's hand moved, his eyes staring to him and filled with longing as if Tsuna wanted to embrace him, to make sure he wouldn't leave.
Okay, that was an underhanded move even if it worked. Reborn didn't let himself feel too guilty for blatantly manipulating the other into reacting like this. Even if it was justified it wasn't morally right. If he had misread Tsuna's reaction, Reborn would be back to zero and most likely cause more emotional damage. It was a risky move on his part and yet, he couldn't help but internally wince for causing such distress on the other.
Reborn's stance unbiddenly softened before he crouched down on the floor and met the disheveled brunet. He rubbed Tsuna's reddened knee soothingly, and let his Sun Flames heal the minor discomfort. Reborn didn't have to, but Tsuna needed him close by, to affirm this reality that he was here.
As his hands lit up for the second time that night, he looked up at Tsuna.
"I won't leave," Reborn affirmed. Tsuna was finally now looking at him. His desperate eyes would dilate in fear not of him but for him, afraid that Reborn would disappear like a mirage, like his decade older self.
Reborn was tempted to pinch his arm to get rid of the heartburn but instead he called Tsuna's name again. "Tsuna, I want to help you, but you have to let me."
Eventually, Tsuna's brown eyes glowed orange as they peered at him wordlessly, gauging his words, his actions, and everything else in between.
Leon, as if sensing something Reborn couldn't, returned to his original form and Reborn observed as Tsuna's freed hands remained still.
Tsuna closed his eyes with a soft and heartbreaking smile. His hand latching on Reborn's chubby ones.
"Okay…" Tsuna shakily muttered then repeated with a nod, this time his voice was loud most likely to convince himself.
The brunet took a deep breath, and he opened his eyes to gaze sky-ward like he was praying for the deities above to give him strength. As if it wasn't enough, Tsuna turned his eyes in his direction.
Reborn wordlessly nodded at Tsuna, silently supportive, a go-ahead for Tsuna to let the words out. Tsuna's lips quivered upward into a small, brittle smile.
"It–How do I even begin?" Tsuna began with a question, scrunched his nose, and worriedly bit his bottom lip. Reborn chose silence, not daring to interrupt as Tsuna rambled to himself but mostly not to influence Tsuna's decision than he already did.
Tsuna inhaled and after a long exhale came to a decision. "I guess, I'll… start with that day."
Leon crawled on Tsuna's arms and Tsuna's faraway gaze tracked the movement until the chameleon settled comfortably around his neck.
"It happened on a normal assignment, I gave it to him because I knew how bored he was lately and–" Tsuna absent-mindedly chuckled, a hollow mirthful sound against Reborn ears. If there was a bleach that could erase that broken laugh, he would drink it. "It was ironic because I was the one who sent… Reborn to his death. I knew there was something wrong with it, and yet I didn't go with him. I waited like an idiot until my hyper intuition rang too loud before I went after him."
Tsuna let out a pained grimace, voice shaky, and low as he confessed. "They ambushed you." His fingers pressed on Reborn's wrist, desperate to feel for Reborn's steady pulse.
"The ambush, it was an experiment to see if a stopped heart would trigger an explosion and they succeeded." Tsuna's hand fisted tighter, his eyes back to molten orange as he glared at the floor.
As fast as the anger appeared, it easily deflated to anguish as he repeated, voice hoarse and on the brink of ugly laughter. "They succeeded." Tsuna repeated. "It happened so fast that I couldn't warn you, that all I could do was fly–" Tsuna shakily exhaled, "But you… Stupid Reborn protected me instead."
Tsuna's voice hitched and he trembled. "I… I can still feel it, his body growing colder and stiffer, the smell of blood, I can't forget it. Every time I close my eyes, it feels like I'm back in that emptiness." Tsuna shivered. "I don't want that. I'll be stronger, so please." Weeping orange eyes desperately pleaded at him, urging Reborn to understand, to agree. "Don't do that. Don't ever sacrifice yourself for me."
Reborn's expression hardened. He couldn't promise that. He could lie. That way Tsuna's heart would be at ease, but it was an empty promise that would only hurt Tsuna. It would be akin to plastering a doraemon kiddie band-aid on a gaping wound. It wouldn't fix anything.
"No," Reborn gave his student a solemn look. His lips set in a frown, and temper rising but not letting it show.
"But–" Reborn interrupted the beginning of an excuse with a resounding, "No."
Tsuna's face pinched in frustration and aggravation then rubbed off the tear track from his face. "You–You're… Why are you like this?"
Reborn cocked an eyebrow in response and for a moment Tsuna's eyes flashed, but then that expression shuttered away and his shoulders dropped in defeat. Reborn petted Tsuna's hair, unimpressed, and Reborn waited for him to flick his hand away. Instead, the brunet held onto his wrist and brought it down to eye-level.
"Stop distracting me, Reborn."
Which hadn't been Reborn's plan. But if it was how Tsuna saw it, then he would play along.
"Here I thought it was working well. Shame." Reborn clicked his tongue in faux innocence.
Tsuna didn't answer, merely peered up at Reborn and traced circles on his wrist. If this was anybody else, Reborn would cut their hands off or break their bones or throw them in a ditch. Alas, Tsuna was always an exception, and even more so on this clusterfuck of a day.
"I mean it, Reborn." Tsuna scowled before that expression shifted into a frown as a memory he could only see played on his mind.
Reborn didn't have to look to know that Tsuna was wearing a solemn look: part fond and frustrated–frustrated with himself, with Reborn, with everything.
"No means no, Tsuna. I will not let you die on my watch."
Tsuna looked at him with orange eyes, gauging his sincerity, reading the expression on Reborn's face.
What Tsuna saw must be something because a small smile made its way on Tsuna's face, and he hadn't resumed crying.
Sky Flames receded from Tsuna's brown eyes as it crinkled at the edges while soft words unbiddenly trailed off. "You're still so… so Reborn that I–" Tsuna paused but didn't add anything as a helpless smile tugged on his lips. "Okay." Tsuna finally relented.
Tsuna's shoulders eventually dropped in acceptance. If that wasn't a sign that Reborn had won this round, then the spoken words cemented it.
What Tsuna relayed was only the beginning, but Reborn could take a calculated guess at what had happened after his demise. Looking at Tsuna's small albeit genuine smile, Reborn chose not to push anymore. They could talk about it on a later date.
For now, Reborn would get what he could, and that was winning this argument. Everything else could come later. Yes, even the discussion about Tsuna's feelings for him, especially that.
"Say, Tsuna. Now that you've fixed what you set out to do, what do you plan next?" Reborn asked. It was a harmless question, driven more of Reborn's curiosity and a means to gauge Tsuna's mental state.
What he didn't expect was for Tsuna to flush a fiery scarlet red from neck to ears and let go of him. For a moment, Reborn was disappointed at the loss of contact, but he shook it off.
Suddenly, Reborn had the urge to eat his hat at this moment. Because of course, Tsuna's future plans involved him, the object of his affection.
"Uhm, I-uhm…" Tsuna blubbered, hands flailed on his side in an attempt to hide his flaming face.
This reaction was a total one-eighty. Reborn could only blink amusedly at this animated response while he inwardly cursed his future self.
Just what was my future self thinking, entering into a relationship with my student?
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