Lily had charmed her water so it looked like the elf-made wine the others were drinking. She caught Sirius looking at her as he followed her from the kitchen, their eyes meeting, emerald on grey. Sirius winked at her and sat down next to her.

'Careful with that stuff, you don't want the wine to go to your head,' he grinned. 'Or your stomach. Ouch - what did you do that for? All I was saying was that the wine will go to your head on an empty stomach. Which is true.'

'Yeah right,' Lily muttered.

'Lily, if Padfoot is giving you too much trouble, we can always-'

'Send me to the doghouse?' Sirius interrupted Peter, with an innocent grin. Peter scowled.

'Cheer up - have some more wine, Wormtail,' Sirius spilled some as he topped up Peter's glass.

Lily drew out her wand and cleaned the red stains, thankful she had magic at her disposal, and imagining Petunia trying to get rid of similar spots. Cleaning might be the only area of magic she was sure her sister would have approved of, if she had managed to put aside her jealousy.

'Really, Sirius, I am beginning to wonder whether you had enough to drink already.'

'Don't be like that, Lils - it's Christmas.'

It was Christmas, and Lily and the Marauders had gathered in the Potter's living room. Sirius and Lily had returned straight after their visit to James, with Remus having seen his father for a few hours and Peter only recently having returned from dinner with his mother.

It would have been a fantastic Christmas night, Lily thought, with the silvery snow sparkling warmly from the Christmas lights, the stars still visible despite the lit streets and a half-moon shining peacefully in the sky. It wasn't a bad evening, sitting with Remus, Peter and Sirius, three people she would never have believed she could grow to care for, and she now treasured dearly. But she still felt alone without James, who was her ally with these men, who would put his arms around her or wink at her, or roll his eyes, if and when the Marauders got out of hand - before, he inevitably joined in with them. It was through James she had learned to relax, not to take herself too seriously, and just enjoy the silliness of the moment.

Peter must also have been thinking of James, because suddenly he asked: 'Do you think he'll want to get out there again... y'know, fighting for the Order, after... after what's happened.'

Sirius glanced side-ways at Lily. Remus, who knew no reason for why things might have changed other than the attack, answered:

'James has always known the risks, working for the Order. We all have. I would be lying if I told you that this hasn't shaken me too, knowing... knowing what could have happened - what did happen.' Remus took a deep breath: 'But innocent people are being killed, and we've got to fight.'

'James knows that better than anyone,' Lily said, and she felt like she needed to address Sirius more than the others. 'I don't think anything can stop James from going back to the Order, eventually...'

Sirius caught her meaning, and relief flickered in his eyes. Lily knew he was worried she would ask James not to work for the Order now that they were having a child, especially as they had experienced how wrong things could go. But here, Sirius had got the wrong measure of her entirely.

'I am shaken too,' she admitted. 'I hate seeing him like this, but once he's stronger, once things... settle down...' (once I've had this child), 'we're both going to be fighting. It's our battle, for heaven's sake! It's people like me the Death Eaters are targeting.'

'They don't particularly rate blood traitors either,' Sirius said, after a short pause. 'Although I suppose they have welcomed werewolfs with open arms.'

'You'd rather be a blood traitor than muggle-born,' Lily argued.

'And being a werewolf is just peachy,' Remus offered with a sad smile.

'That's were we've gone wrong,' Sirius slapped his head: 'We need to make you a werewolf, Lils.'

Lily and Remus ignored this. 'My point is this, James and I... it's our battle. We have no choice but to fight. Well, James arguably has a choice...'

'Yeah, because Prongs would step aside and let the Death Eaters murder you,' Sirius said.

'Quite... so come what may, James and I've got to fight.'

'And we will be by your side,' Sirius said.

'I know,' Lily agreed. 'But you don't have to. You could have walked away. Moony probably should have.'

'Because of who I am?' Remus said, his eyebrows furrowing. 'Lily, they might work with werewolfs to get what they want, but-'

'The biggotry toward werewolfs really reside with those who have grown up in wizarding families, yes I know,' Lily interrupted him. 'But that includes the families on our side too. Let's be honest, you might even have more rights if someone like Voldemort gains power. Still, you're out there, risking your life for people like us.'

Lily looked at Peter and Sirius too: 'Wormtail, your mother is a witch, so you are safe too. And Padfoot, you're still a Black, and you've not even made a... disadvantageous marriage, like James has.'

'Yet,' Sirius shot in. 'I am working on it. I keep asking Moony to marry me. I think that would do the trick, don't you?'

'As for me,' Remus said, ignoring Sirius' last comment: 'having lacked certain rights because of who I am, I am not about to sit and watch an evil man strip away the rights of innocent people. Particularly when those innocent people are my friends.'

'You're innocent too,' Lily said, more to herself than Remus.

'Perhaps,' Remus smiled kindly, 'but wouldn't it be better if we fought for a society that creates and protect rights, rather than tear them down for all but a few? No, Lily, I have to disagree. This is all our fight.'

'Prongs isn't the only one who would give his life to protect you, Lils,' Sirius said, seriously, as he poured himself some more wine. 'And Moony is right, this is so much bigger than just the life of one or two people.'

'But after what Prongs is going through now - don't you think it's a possibility that he'd rather stop... or go into hiding or something?'

Lily could understand Peter's nervousness. Peter was not as talented as Sirius, Remus or James - or herself. It was why Lily often thought Peter was the bravest of them all. If James and Sirius had barely made it out alive, it must have served as a strong reminder to Peter that what the Order was doing was extremely dangerous.

'I would have thought you knew Prongs better than that Wormtail. Prongs could never stand idly by and watch innocent people get hurt, even at school,' Sirius said, refilling Remus and Peter's glasses.

'Alright,' Sirius continued, seeing Lily's sceptical look: 'at school he might have had a different definition for innocent' - 'and hurt,' Lily added - 'and hurt,' Sirius agreed. 'But he risked his life more than once to save people - even when they didn't deserve it.'

Lily knew who he was speaking about of course, and the casual way Sirius suggested Severus wasn't worth saving made her feel cold, like someone had drenched her in ice water.

'Padfoot,' Remus said, a hint of warning in his voice.

'It's alright,' Lily said, collecting herself. 'It's not like I don't know the story. Se-Snape went down that tunnel, being obsessed with finding out what was wrong with you Moony, and nearly got himself killed. If it hadn't been for James running after him, he would have.'

Lily had learned the story, first from rumours and a reluctant Severus and then from James. James knew, of course, that Severus had shared 'his theory' with her about Remus, but Lily and James had never told Remus this. They had agreed that though it was unlikely that Severus had shared Remus' condition with other students ('though I wouldn't put it past him,' James had said, his face hard), it was unnecessary to let Remus know of this possibility. Only James knew how close Severus and Lily had been, and therefore, only James could understand that Severus would share more with her than anyone else.

'But...' she added, suddenly thinking about what Sirius had said: 'I thought James was never in any real danger that time, since he was an animagus. It was just that nobody knew about it.'

Lily didn't mean to sound like Severus. James had shown plenty of heroism at and after Hogwarts, but this one incident with Severus... Severus had been right to be upset at how the narrative had played out in school, as if James had really put his life at risk. Of course, at the time, she hadn't understood Severus' frustration, not knowing the Marauders' secret.

Sirius and Remus exchanged a quick look. Peter, on the other hand, was looking at his empty glass thoughtfully, before leaning forward and snapping up the wine bottle. The wine sloshed in his glass and Lily prepared to raise her wand again, but miraculously the liquid didn't spill.

'Is that... what he told you?' Remus asked, he, the soberest of the Marauders, seemed suddenly to look a bit uncomfortable.

'No...' Lily said, suddenly realising: 'No, but this happened in our fifth year, and James told me that's when you became animagi, so I just put two and - you're not meaning to say...?'

'If we had been animagi, then we would already have been with Moony when he transformed, wouldn't we?' Sirius said, as if this was obvious.

'We wern't far offf becomin' anima-gi, though,' Peter added, his voice a little slurred.

'That was part of what made it all so frightening, later. The thought that they had been so close to being safe from me, and yet that night I could have killed, or bitten, James - and Snape,' Remus said quietly, and Lily felt a surge of guilt at bringing this up.

Still, she needed to know: 'But why did Snape insist that James-'

'Wasn't the hero he made out to be?' Sirius said, 'When are you ever going to see that that oddball was an ungrateful, slimy, little git, who could not fathom that Prongs could be anything other than selfish.'

'That's just it,' Remus sighed, 'Snape believed James only did it for my benefit.'

'Well, an' to save Pad-Paddyfoot, 'f course,' Peter added, hiccuping.

They all looked at Peter.

'What?' Lily asked.

At first, nobody answered. Then, both Remus and Peter spoke up at once:

'You should talk to James about this,' Remus said.

'Padf't told Sssnape how to follo- oh.' Peter fell silent.

The missing piece. He was saving his neck, and his friends' too, that had been Severus' words. James had saved his friends' neck - friends - multiple friends - Remus and Sirius. It all became so clear.

'You sent him after Remus?' Lily asked, and Sirius made no reply.

'Severus was right,' Lily said, her voice shaking. After all this time... 'James never -'

'No!' Sirius was suddenly on his feet. Sirius, the would-be murderer.

'No, Lily, I won't let you-'

'Let me what, Black?' Lily said, unable to keep her fury down. She had a strange feeling of deja vu as she stared up into the face of a black haired, pale boy.

'Let you think that Prongs did that for me. He was lividwith me at the time. Livid, Lily!'

Yet, James must have forgiven him, and pretty quickly too, because hadn't Peter said they became animagi shortly after that. And then, James had kept this one secret from Lily. Why? Because it hadn't come up? No, they had talked about this, if not in great detail. James wouldn't have told her, because Sirius was his best friend, and Severus had been hers. He had deliberately omitted a piece of the truth, so that she should never learn about this one greatest of betrayals.

'Please,' Sirius begged, 'Prongs can't - you shouldn't - talk to him about this... Not now. In his place, trust me that Prongs saved Snape because that's the sort of person he is. Please believe that Lily.'

Sirius seemed almost desperate: 'It didn't matter that Snape spent almost all his time trying to get us expelled, or that he had become borderline dangerous toward Prongs ever since Prongs started fancing you, or that the git was infatuated with the same ideas as Voldemort. Prongs ran down that tunnel - at great risk to his own life - because he would not stand by and see others get killed.'

'You need to remember, Lily,' Remus interjected, looking at Sirius, 'that if Snape had indeed been killed, he could not have told on Sirius. By saving Snape, I'll admit that James did me a great service - one that I'll likely never be able to repay - but I too am confident he did not do it for Sirius' sake. Not in the moment. I am sure he's relieved his - that Sirius didn't become a murderer that night.'

They were right, of course. Lily knew James, and she knew that James would have run down after Severus even if it had not been his greatest friends that would be suffering the consequences. But she was not willing to let go of the anger she felt.

'And you,' Lily almost spat at Sirius, 'do you feel any regret?'

'Course I do.'

'But you said that he - that Snape didn't deserve saving.'

'I can't say he does deserve saving,' Sirius said coldly, as he sat down again. 'I regret telling him about how to get into the tunnel, because it put two of my best friends at risk. You forget that he was obsessively following Moony around, trying to expose him - hoping to get him expelled. I didn't tell the slimeball to go after my friend, I didn't even tell him about the bloody tunnel, I merely gave him a piece of the puzzle: how to get past the whomping willow.'

'That was the piece he was missing!' Lily cried out in anger, 'the piece that would have gotten him killed!'

'SO WHAT? Lily, he's a Death Eater!'

'You don't know that!'

'No, but what do you think he's doing at the moment?.'

Lily didn't answer, because she knew that Sirius was right. Unlike Sirius, Lily had more solid reasons to suspect Severus.

'Excuse me for thinking it would have been easier if there had been one less Death Eater in this world,' Sirius continued.

'That's how the Aurors must have felt about Regulus. One less Death Eater to worry about."

Remus burried his face in his hands. Lily hadn't meant to say it.

Sirius had gotten up again, but this time he was shaking: 'He wanted out! Regulus wanted out! As soon as he saw what it was about, he wanted nothing more to do with Voldemort!'

Maybe she could have felt sorry for Sirius, but then he sneered: 'And where is your precious Snivellus, Lily!? He's not having second thoughts, is he? No, either he is fighting for Voldemort, or he is cheering on his friends from the sideline.'

'He was a CHILD!'

'A child who had already used dark magic on my best friend and who was looking to expose my other friend for something he could not help being.'

'He had nothing, and you and James treated him like dirt!' Lily was on her feet now too.

'Yeah, because I was the lucky one; the fortunate Sirius Black,' Sirius spat his last name: 'Look at my family - filth the lot of them! I still made it out!'

'You made it out, did you? Don't make me laugh. YOU, who were prepared to commit murder as a teenager?!'

'LILY!' Remus had gotten to his feet too. Peter looked absolutely frightened at what was transpiring, what he, in a way, had helped set in motion.

'Out,' Lily said, 'all of you, get out!'

All the anger seemed to have evaporated from Sirius and he suddenly seemed remorseful. 'No... shit, Lily. Don't... I will leave, now, I promise. But someone should stay. You shouldn't...'

'I want to be alone.'

'But you... what if something were to happen? Prongs... you can't do that to him.'

'He is my husband, Black,' Lily said, raising her wand, 'and I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.'

'Be that as it may,' Remus said, stepping between Sirius and Lily, 'I would feel better too, if you had someone here for now.'

Remus waited, possibly worried she would hex him instead, but when she didn't, he continued: 'I'll stay the night. Peter needs to get back to his mother. We can work out what to do tomorrow. Alright?'

Nobody argued.

'Alright,' Remus sighed.

Lily left the room to let the men say goodbye. She didn't want anything to do with any of them, least of all Sirius. But if she was doomed to be in the company of one of them, Remus was probably the least worst of the options. She knew she had hurt him tonight, dragging up painful memories of what he was capable of doing. That almost made up for the fact that he, like James, like Peter, had forgiven Sirius.

A/N

About Snape - I don't know if I've written this already, but it's important to me that Remus doesn't know how close Severus Snape and Lily really were, because otherwise, I think it is possible for him to understand WHY Severus' biggest regret would be to have passed on information to Voldemort that led to Lily's death (in the Half-Blood Prince). He obviously must have known they were friends, but like Voldemort, Remus must have thought that Severus had moved on.

Hopefully, this goes without saying: I am by no means trying to suggest that James didn't give as good as he got from Severus - I think it's clear in the books that Severus and James were both equally bad toward each other. The description of Snape's behaviour is, in this case, coming from Sirius and he's - ahem - a tad biased.