EPISODE 32:
Double Trouble for Ranma!
(based somewhat on Episode 59: Ranma and the Evil Within)
Featuring the voices of:
Lorenzo Music as Ranma
Frank Welker as Kenma
Susan Blu as Ranko/Shadow Ranko
Janet Waldo as Akane
B.J. Ward as Kasumi
Diane Pershing as Nabiki
Ed Gilbert as Genma
Rene Aberjonnois as Soun
Jean Vander Pyl as Nodoka
June Foray as Cologne
Lauren Tom as Shampoo
Hal Smith as Happosai
Julie Payne as Atsuko
It was another day in the neighborhood, and Happosai was merrily trotting upon the rooftops of Nerima as he headed home from another of his panty raids.
"Ah, this is the life!" he grinned. "The wind at my back, a bindle full of underwear…what more could a great master ask for, eh?"
As he whooped and laughed, he slid down a drainpipe and headed for the Tendo Dojo.
"Ah, I know! A warm welcome-home, of course!" Happosai grinned as he sprinted to the front door, like a demented flea leaping from dog-to-dog.
Meanwhile, Nodoka was getting the table set up for breakfast. It's actually quite nice being able to do this for more than one person, she thought to herself.
As she finished setting up, she overheard a knock on the door. "I told Kasumi to take an extra hour to sleep, so I'll get that," she decided. And so, Nodoka went to the front door and opened it. "Yes? Who's there?" she asked as she looked outside.
"Oh. Well, hel-lo there!" said Happosai as he took a bow. He definitely didn't recognize this gorgeous redhead—although something about her looked familiar...
"Hello." she greeted back. "Who are you?"
"Oh, you don't know me?" Happosai asked. "Well…I'd be glad to get better acquainted~!" he chuckled before he leapt towards Nodoka, arms wide…
KLANNNNG~!
…only to crash headfirst into a stop sign, being held by Kenma.
The old letch pulled himself up after his headfirst collision. "Kenma! How dare you get in the way of me making a connection!" he hissed.
"And how dare YOU attempt to justify molesting my MOTHER, you dried-out prune!" Kenma retorted.
"You must be mistaken!" Happosai retorted.
"About your little connection?" inquired Kenma.
"No, that someone as remarkable as this woman here could ever be so unfortunate to spawn something as misshapen and disgusting as you," Happosai replied.
PWOMP.
The little goblin then found his giant head being stomped on by Ranma's foot. "Talk about the pot calling the kettle black," the black-haired boy retorted.
"Kenma, Ranma, do you happen to know who this little man is?" Nodoka asked her sons.
"Yeah, but boy, do we wish we didn't." Ranma answered as he picked up Happosai by his shirt collar. "This little pervert is Happosai, Dad and Mr. Tendo's old master."
"Emphasis on little, given his size, because he's been a thorn in our side whenever he acts up and makes our lives, along with the Tendos' lives, hell." Kenma stated as he pulled out his nunchucks.
"Hmph! In that case I'll have to keep a close eye on this one." Nodoka steadfastly said before noticing what her son was holding. "Hey! Those are the nunchucks I gave you when you were little."
"They sure are!" Kenma smiled as he spun them a few times. "These things have gotten me out of a few dozen scrapes!"
"And you've gotten so good with them, too!" Nodoka remarked, beaming with pride. "I'm so proud of you, honey!"
Kenma blushed as he dug the tip of his shoe into the ground. "Aw…thanks, Mom!" he smiled. "Maybe later I'll be able to catch you up on our travels and ask about those swords you brought."
"I'll be glad to tell you boys all about it," replied Nodoka. "Now let's get everyone else up for the day—breakfast is ready!"
"On the double!" both brothers said as they turned and went back indoors with their mother, leaving the so-called 'great master' lying on the floor.
So that explains why that woman looks so much like Ranma's girl side… he thought to himself. Well, THAT just makes the deal even sweeter!
The little gremlin chuckled, sprouting a pair of devil horns atop his head.
Meanwhile, the boys went to each room and woke everyone up. Of course, Genma received the most violent wake-up call, and he was still grumbling about it on the way downstairs.
"Ah! What do we have here?" Soun said as he observed the table.
What he saw was a delicious spread consisting of eggs (poached, fried, scrambled), bacon (thick-cut), and buttered toast.
"Oh! This is…an unexpected change," he commented, his traditionalist nature beginning to flare up a bit.
"It's at least worth a try, isn't it, Dad?" Akane urged.
"Yes, Akane. It'd be rude not to try it." the Tendo patriarch said as he sat down and got himself a plate.
"Hope you like it." Nodoka said with a pleasant smile.
"Only one way to find out," Genma remarked as he immediately started to dig into the food.
"Mmmm! This is great, Mom!" said Ranma with his mouth full.
"Yes! The bacon is crispy, but also nice and tender." Soun commented, his original doubts being dashed.
"See, Tendo? I told ya it'd be good." smirked Genma as he snuck some of Soun's bacon off his plate and into his mouth.
As Soun looked down, he saw that his bacon was now missing. "I DISTINCTLY recall having another piece of bacon on my plate," he observed.
Genma shrugged as he kept chewing. "Maybe you already ate it, Tendo," he replied. "I mean, you are really getting into this."
"You sneak..." the Tendo patriarch said with a frown.
"Man! Those were some good eats!" Kenma said while rubbing his stomach.
"Oh no! I completely lost track of time!" Akane exclaimed as she rushed back to her room to get dressed into her uniform.
"Sorry, Ma—but education calls." Ranma said as he got up and went to the bathroom.
"Yeah, you know how it is," Kenma added as he grabbed his backpack and shoes. "If we show up late, we gotta stay behind and scrub toilets after school!"
"We can't have that." Nodaka said. "Have a great day, Kids!"
"Make good choices!" Atsuko chimed in.
"You bet!" Ranma shouted back as he and the others headed for the door.
THAT AFTERNOON…
It was raining for the rest of the day, so the kids took refuge in the ice-creamery where Tatsuro Yamashita's "Love Space" was playing on the jukebox.
"Mm-mm! This is some great stuff!" said Ranko as she indulged in her parfait, while Kenma was helping himself to two double-scoop french vanilla cones with a chocolate dip.
Akane sat off to the side. "Y'know, I was actually expecting to have to pay for your cones," she commented.
"How come?" Kenma asked, in mid-lick. "I got money, so does Ranma!"
"Yeah! You thought I worked at Ukyo's for free?" asked Ranko as she gleefully tucked into her parfait.
Akane watched with annoyance. "...I see that, but couldn't you eat with a little more class?" she asked.
Ranko looked at her like she'd grown a second head out of her ass. "What, like raise my pinkies or somethin'?" she asked.
"You're a girl, aren't you?" asked Akane.
"One, only physically, not mentally," Ranko retorted. "Two, it's my ice cream I bought with my money, and I'll eat how I like."
This prompted the tomboy to pout. Said pouting increased when Ranko got yet another parfait placed next to her.
"Here ya go, miss. This one's on the house." the waiter said with a visible blush.
Ranko's eyes sparkled. "Like a freebie~?" she asked, making the waiter hold his platter up to cover his blush.
"Y-yeah! Hope you enjoy it." he said before bashfully walking away.
"Another big freebie scored," observed Kenma, while Akane proceeded to fume in silent jealousy.
Shortly after their ice cream was finished, the tomboy stormed off to the rainy sidewalk.
"Akane! Aw, wait up!" called Ranko as she and Kenma followed behind her.
"What's got you so steamed?" Ranko asked as she followed Akane.
"Who, me?" scoffed Akane. "Nothing! I am PERFECTLY fine!"
"Yeah, that sounds like something that someone who's perfectly fine would say," replied Kenma dryly.
"Hey there. You wanna go get some coffee?" a cute boy asked Ranko, making Akane turn around.
"I'm not a caffeine fan…but if you'd wanna treat me to some ice cream, I might rethink it~" smiled Ranko.
"Sure! It's my treat!" the boy responded, much to Ranko's glee.
The angry look on Akane's face made Kenma smirk. "Ohhhh…I get it, you're jealous!" he crowed.
"I am not!" she spat back, blushing even harder.
"You guys head home, I'll catch up later." the redhead said with a smirk as she waved to Akane.
Kenma gave a wink as he fished a milkshake from offscreen and started in on it. "Anyways, you are SO jealous!" he continued. "You're just hatin' cuz all the boys want Ranko and they don't give you the time of day~!"
Akane then angrily muttered to herself as they went on their way.
Later, everyone was having dinner while Akane continued to seethe and fume. "Honestly, what is that moron THINKING?!" she scowled.
"Akane, what's gotten under your skin today?" asked Nodoka.
Akane's eyes widened. …that's right! Ranma's mom doesn't know yet! she remembered. "Nothing, Mrs. Saotome. Just a little something that happened at school today."
"Is this about that Akimitsu boy I've heard about?" Nodoka asked as she had heard around the house about the athlete, thus making Akane blush brighten up.
"Uh, er, n-no!" insisted Akane, sheepish.
"Somebody mention me?" asked Aki as he came back from the bathroom.
"Oh! Hi, Aki!" the tomboy said bashfully.
"Did I miss something?" asked Aki. "My ears were burning!"
"No no, you didn't miss anything. We were just talking about the time you and I beat the golden pair." Akane quickly changed the subject to avoid any more awkwardness with Nodoka.
"Oh yeah, good times. I've heard Azusa really turned around after that match. Dropping that cutesy little girl act and began teaching little kids figure-skating." Aki said as he had heard about what became of her after that blow to the head brought Azusa back to normalcy.
"Well, good for her," replied Akane.
Nodoka let out a small sigh. "Boys, there's something I've neglected to tell you."
"Huh? What's up, Mom?" Ranma said while fixing himself another bowl.
"It's about a promise your father and I made when you two were little," replied the redheaded woman.
Ranma and Kenma glanced at each other, beginning to feel especially nervous.
She doesn't mean that promise, does she? Atsuko thought.
Meanwhile, Genma was starting to grin like a cat who'd swallowed the canary. If it's the promise I think she's talking about, I might just have a chance at curtailing those boys' rambunctious behaviors! he thought deviously.
"It began when your father was about to take the two of you along on his training trip." Nodoka elaborated.
Flashback?
Flashback.
[Can you BELIEVE we're doing one of THESE again?]
"I promise to raise our boys to be men among men," declared a much younger Genma as he raised Ranma into the air. "And should I fail in this endeavor…then Ranma, Kenma and I shall commit seppuku, and take our own lives!"
"WHAT?!" screamed Ranma and Kenma, their entire bodies completely pale…and they screamed so loudly it broke through the flashback.
"It's the ugly truth, boys." their mother said with a solemn tone, while Ranma and Kenma were now sweating bullets.
"WHY WOULD YOU ACCEPT SUCH AN INSANE PROMISE?!" Kenma screamed. "You could have, I dunno…TRIED TO DISSUADE HIM!"
"AND YOU!" Ranma raised his voice as he grabbed his father by his shirt collar. "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING, MAKING SUCH A BONEHEADED DEAL?!"
"It was a matter of honor," said Genma. "Something your mother takes very seriously. I had to ensure she would let me take you boys along."
"If it's a matter of honor, then WHY did she trust YOU?!" Kenma shouted. "For you, honor is just an excuse to foist your problems off on somebody else!"
Ranma then wrapped his arm around Genma's neck and choked him relentlessly.
"Oh! I'm so sorry!" Nodoka said as she went upstairs, sad and ashamed.
Atsuko went to follow her upstairs. "...I'm sorry too, kiddos," she told her nephews before she left.
Ranma flopped down with a sigh. "...if this is what bein' a Saotome son leaves me to look forward to, then maybe I should just stay a girl," he remarked.
The fat panda fell to the ground gasping for air while his face was still purple. "You would do that…and break your father's heart…?" he wheezed.
"Keep up the crocodile tears, we'll break more than that," Kenma hissed. "Besides, in all the commotion, I forgot—we still have an ace in the hole."
"What do you—oh!" Ranma realized. "The sacred water from Togenkyo!"
"Right!" Kenma nodded. "I'll retrieve it from my secret hiding place, and then we'll use it tomorrow!"
"Sounds good to me!" his brother said with a nod. "Kenma, I don't know what I'd do without ya!"
"You'd probably feel like the whole world is against you," said Kenma. "Now c'mon, let's go wash up."
And so, they left while Happosai continued eating, all the while scheming to himself.
So you wanna stay a girl, eh Ranma? he thought with a sneaky chuckle.
Later that evening, after another session of image training, both boys were asleep in their room when Happosai snuck inside.
He took out some incense and began to light it. I've been waiting for the longest time for a moment like this, he thought. And now that Ranma's up against the wall, both his male and female sides are probably feeling like there isn't anyone they can trust…which makes things VERY convenient for yours truly!
Now that you've come to realize the value of your girl side…separating you both will be a cinch!
As Ranma dozed, the incense wafted up his nose. Within minutes, a translucent version of Ranko formed and stood up.
Happosai's jaw hit the floor. "It worked!" he exclaimed. "The Founding School of Anything-Goes Yin-Yang-Thank-You-Ma'am-Personality-Splitter technique really works! Ranma, from now on you're gonna live as a girl permanently, d'ya hear?"
Ranko's eyes opened, revealing a pair of icy blue pupils [kinda like Barbara Gordon's from the DC Animated Universe].
"And as a reward for setting you free, you'll do me a favor," said Happosai as he took out the same brassiere he'd been pestering Ranma to put on since he arrived. "Well? C'mon, it ain't gonna wear itself, sugar-cakes!"
Ranko let out a chuckle, but it was an eerie, echo-y sort of chuckle.
"Huh? What's so funny?" the old prune asked.
"You thinking that I owe you anything, you decrepit, lecherous old twit," Ranko replied in a somewhat syrupy sweet voice tinged with poison. "I've got my own plans, and I don't need you interfering…"
"You ungrateful little brat!" Happosai complained. "I went through the effort of gettin' that incense and separating you from your male side, and this is the thanks I get?"
Ranko scoffed. "You're just a spoiled rotten little geezer. I could kill you anytime, but I think someone else deserves that pleasure," she responded as she faded from sight. "Goodbye~"
"Damn!" the little gremlin snapped his fingers in frustration. "And I was so close, too."
Just then, he heard a rumbling from outside.
"Ranma?" he muttered as he went to the window and looked out…only to be face to face with Cologne! "YAAAAAGH, A MONSTER!" he shrieked.
"And who are you calling a monster?" remarked Cologne, before she sniffed the room. "Just what the devil is that scent? You haven't been playing with incense, have you?"
But as the old woman looked back, the old fart was sound asleep…or at least, pretending to be. "As if I'd fall for that, you old creep!" Cologne scoffed, as she took her staff and slammed it hard into Happosai's gut.
THREE HOURS LATER...
Ranma and Kenma were still asleep when an eerie wind swept through the trees outside.
Ranma…Kenma…awake, my loves… came an echoing voice from nearby. Ranma…Kenma…awake, my loves… Would you both wake up already?!
With a yawn, Kenma sat up and rubbed his eyes.
"Huh?" Ranma said groggily as his eyes slowly opened.
"Bro…you see this too, right?" Kenma asked.
"Mm..yep." his brother nodded.
Shadow Ranko smirked at the two as she somehow made her hair untie itself, letting her long red locks flow freely around her shoulders.
Kenma got to his feet in sudden surprise. "H-how are you here? What do you want?" he asked, defensively.
"Me? No reason." the apparition explained. "I merely want to spend some quality time with two of my favorite boys."
Ranma started to react, but Ranko's eyes glowed bright as an aura surrounded her briefly, and the boy grew silent as his eyes became glassy.
"And shall I have to calm you, too?" she asked as she turned to face Kenma. The monkey-boy thought for a moment, before he looked up at her.
"...no," replied Kenma. "I want to come with you."
"Good." Ranko said with a smile. "Then let's go."
Kenma nodded, but as he reached out, Happosai hopped up. "Ranma!" he squawked. "I just knew you'd start to see it my way!"
Before Happosai could move any further, Genma rolled over and grabbed him in his sleep. "Ooh, the dorayaki look especially good today…" he muttered as he started gnawing on his head, ignoring Happosai's screams.
The boys followed Ranko out as the windows seemed to open on their own, leaving Happosai to scream and whine in agony for the rest of the night—both from missing out on the chance with Ranko, and being crushed under Genma's fat body.
THE NEXT MORNING…
Akane ran to Ranma and Kenma's room to wake them up for school. "Wake up, you two! We're gonna be late!"
"Let's not, and say we did…" Kenma said as he rolled over.
"Too tired!" Ranma chimed in.
"No way!" Akane snapped as she flung the door open. "Both of you get your asses out of bed!"
As she stormed over and ripped the covers off their futons, she found a shock underneath. There laid both boys, looking almost dehydrated!
The tomboy gasped at their ghastly appearances. "What the—?!"
And so, a little while later, they were at school.
"What the heck were you two doing last night?" Akane asked, sounding thoroughly disgusted.
"Getting frisky with a lovely little lady." Ranma answered.
"And it was a two-for-1 special," Kenma added with a smirk.
"YOU WHAT?!" Akane exclaimed.
"Maybe her name…oughta be Dyson or Hoover instead, yeah?" snickered Kenma.
"Haha! Yep!" his brother agreed as they gave each other a high-five.
Akane blushed with what could be construed as envy. "What was her name? What did she look like?"
"Whoa-fuckin'-whoa," Kenma put his hands up. "What is this, 20 Questions? And for the record, the answer to both of your queries is 'Nunya Damn Beeswax'."
The tomboy growled before screaming at the top of her lungs, causing the boys to cover their ears.
Ranma scoffed, before his irises glowed red for a few seconds. "Hey, if you got a problem with it, don't screech at me," he remarked. "We can settle it outside, just me an' you."
Akane raised a brow. "...what?"
"You heard me," replied Ranma. "You been bitchin' and whinin' about how I 'don't treat you like a real martial artist'...well, then let's go outside and settle it. No kid gloves, no holdin' back just 'cuz you're a girl. I'll give ya more of a fight than Kuno or any of these guys ever did."
The tomboy was at a loss for words. "I…I…"
"So? You up for it or what?" Ranma asked, growing a little impatient. "C'mon, I got stuff to do! Don't tell me the great heir to the Tendo Dojo is gettin' cold feet after all that big talk!"
Finally Akane gulped and answered back. "Okay, Ranma. I accept your challenge."
Ranma smirked. "Sounds good to me," he replied. "See you out there."
And on that, he turned and walked away, with Kenma following behind, leaving Akane by herself, fuming.
I'll show that cocky jerk just who he's messing with! Akane thought while clenching her fists. I'm not afraid of him or his brother! They're BOTH going to learn why it's a stupid idea to belittle Akane Tendo!
A FEW HOURS LATER…
After school let out for the day, Akane walked home, nursing some minor injuries: a black eye, a couple of lumps on her head, and one on her cheek.
"Akane, welcom—oh, my goodness!" Kasumi exclaimed, as she put down the glass she was drying and rushed to her sister's aid.
"Damn sis, what happened to you?" Nabiki asked as she came into the kitchen and saw Akane's state.
"I-I tripped and fell down some stairs." Akane fibbed, ashamed to admit the truth.
"Hmph! Then, those stairs must've had a major axe to grind." Nabiki remarked, knowing that her sister was lying.
"There we go!" the elder Tendo sister said as she finished wrapping Akane's torso and head in bandages. "I'll go get you some ice for your eye." While Kasumi walked back into the kitchen, Soun walked back inside from the patio—only to gasp and nearly faint at the sight of Akane.
"GOOD LORD!" he exclaimed, mortified. "Akane, what happened to you?"
"She says she tripped and fell down the stairs at school today." Nabiki explained.
"Yeah, it's no big deal." the tomboy said with a fake smile.
"No big deal?! Just look at yourself!" her father sputtered. "You look like you just went 6 rounds with a monster truck!"
"I'm fine, Dad. Really!" Akane pleaded.
Kasumi came back out of the kitchen holding a plastic bag full of crushed ice and wrapped in paper towels. "Here, Akane. Hold it over your eye." she instructed as she placed the bag in her sister's hand.
Genma looked around the room. "And just where is Ranma?" he asked. "He's supposed to make sure things like this don't happen!"
"What? You think I'm just some dainty porcelain doll that is easy to break?" Akane growled at the fat man. "Like I need some idiot boy like Ranma or Kenma to constantly protect me all the time?!"
"Well, you've never come back home all beaten up like this!" Genma retorted, brushing off Akane's pride-strewn remark. "Clearly the boy's been neglecting his duties as your fiance, and it's high time someone set that little ingrate straight! If he's going to be the next to join the schools, then he needs to learn to respect his duties!"
"Guess I better warn the boys, because it seems like they're in for another earful." Nabiki said to herself as she walked out of the room, leaving Akane by herself to stew in the realization that she really WASN'T as great a martial artist as she always claimed to be.
He barely even spent any effort on me…I couldn't even land a punch on him. But what about all those other times I smacked him?
Unless…
…oh, Kami, he's been toying with me the whole time….
Meanwhile, out in the backyard…
Ranma and Kenma were in the middle of another image training session, working up a good sweat after they'd come home from school.
Nabiki walked over to them. "Just a quick heads-up, guys. Your dad's on the warpath!" she informed, her voice sounding almost echo-y in their heads.
Ranma and Kenma ceased their bout.
"Great, mister tub-o-guts is probably gonna give us the 3rd degree," Kenma scoffed. "Boy, will I give him what for!"
"Eh! No need to stress yourself out over it, Ken," Ranma assured. "I'll sort him out."
"Are you sure?" asked Kenma. "I wouldn't want you to waste the energy on him."
"Yeah, this time I wanna give him a piece of my mind." his brother urged.
"Mm…well, okay," Kenma acquiesced.
And a few minutes later, Genma stomped his way outside. "Ranma! You and I have something to discuss!" he bellowed.
"Hey look, 200 yen!" Ranma shouted as he pointed to the ground.
"Where?" Genma asked as he looked at where his son pointed, only to find no money on the ground.
Whack!
The ponytailed boy kicked his father in the chin, causing him to fly back a few feet back and land flat on his back.
"Dammit, boy! That was a dirty trick!" snapped Genma as he got up and brushed himself off.
"Here I thought you'd be proud," snorted Kenma. "What do you want, lardo?"
"Akane is inside, looking like she went three rounds against Yoko Gushiken, Clubber Lang, Apollo Creed, AND Ivan Drago!" Genma bellowed. "So why didn't you step in and defend her?"
Ranma scoffed. "And what, be accused of trying to hold her hand? Of not taking her seriously as a martial artist? You stick your neck out for someone, and that's the thanks you get," he remarked.
"You're her fiance, Ranma! It's your DUTY to hold her hand!" Genma spat. "Or would you rather not be considered a man-among-men? After all, you know what happens, should you fail to live up to those expectations!"
To Genma's surprise, Ranma just rolled his eyes. "...yeah, so?" he asked.
"Boy, don't you get it?" Genma riposted. "If you fail to live up to the standards, then you'll have to commit seppuku!"
"And I'm supposed to care?" asked Ranma. "All my life, I've been tossed into situation after situation, with no control over my own life or any say on what'll happen to me. Well, I am sick of it." He then picked up the fat whelp by his shirt collar and reiterated. "I am sick! of! It!" Poking his father's chest with each word.
"Yeah!" Kenma agreed. "And, we're also real sick of you!"
"Now you listen he–" Genma began, but was silenced by Ranma pinching his lips and clamping them shut.
"No, I think it's high time you listened to me, Pop!" the ponytailed boy demanded sternly. "First off, you can take all that talk of 'fiancees' and shove it up your ass." He turned Genma around and poked his chest again.
"Besides, how is getting me engaged to a bunch of girls supposed to make me a better martial artist?" Ranma asked.
"Well, it uh…" Genma stammered before being cut off again.
"Lemme finish that thought: it doesn't!" Kenma spat. "All it does is give you a way to fill that bottomless pit you call a stomach. Then, once the tank's full, you head for the hills, leaving your promises unfulfilled! You talk of honor…but you don't know the meaning of the word! I just wonder how Mom will take hearing about your little arrangements…maybe I'll go tell her and see!"
Genma paled, and his irises shrank. "You wouldn't!"
"Wouldn't I?" Kenma shot back. "It's high time you got what was coming to you…and I'm the guy who'll gladly make sure it happens."
"But first, you look like you could use a nice drink of cold water." Ranma said before furiously shoving his father into the koi pond. "SO OPEN WIDE AND BREATHE DEEP!"
SPLOOSH!
As usual, Genma came bobbing to the surface, now in his panda form. He lifted one of his numerous signs up. You can't tell your mother! She wouldn't be able to understand!, it read.
But neither boy paid him any heed.
Meanwhile, Nodoka was watching some Super Sentai when she suddenly sneezed. "It's a little more drafty than I thought." she observed, as the boys came back indoors.
"I'd better get the sacred water now and be done with this," said Kenma.
"Good idea!" Ranma replied, and they both went upstairs.
"I'm not sure why…but the boys seem a bit different," commented Nodoka. "Maybe they're lashing out after what they learned last night. I feel terrible about it myself…but it isn't as though I can just disregard it after all this time, is it?"
"Do you even remember what the contract said? Word for word?" Atsuko asked, genuinely curious if that was what the contract said or if that was what they believed it said.
"Not exactly, just the Seppuku part," replied Nodoka. "It's been 16 years since I drafted that thing out."
"Maybe you ought to give it another look." her sister suggested. "Would you by any chance have a spare copy lying around?"
"I'll have to check my bags but I'm sure it's around here somewhere." the Saotome matriarch assured.
"Then the sooner, the better," said Atsuko. "Otherwise your boys won't want anything to do with either of their parents."
"I know." Nodoka sighed.
"So? Let's get to searchin', little sis!" Atsuko remarked.
"Right!" Nodoka announced as she went back upstairs with Atsuko following behind.
Meanwhile, Kenma rifled through his secret stash of mementos and collectibles before pulling out a canteen labeled "Very Important! Make sure pop doesn't get this!".
"Ah! Here it is!" he announced before handing it to Ranma. "And here you go!"
"Thanks, Bro!" Ranma said as he took the canteen and unscrewed the cap. "Well, nice knowin' ya, girl side.…sayonara."
And so, the dark-haired boy emptied the canteen over his head, only pouring out half, before his body was engulfed in a bright glow.
While that was happening, Nodoka was looking through her purse until she felt a folded piece of paper and pulled it out.
"Here, Atsuko. I think this might be it!" she announced as she unfolded the paper and began reading it.
"What does it say, Sis?" asked Atsuko as she walked over.
"It says, 'I, the undersigned hereby solemnly swear to commit seppuku if…'" both women gasped.
At the same time, they all gasped in unison, and exclaimed…"No way!"
Ranma: Don't go away! Ranma ½ will return after these messages!
Kenma: And now, back to Ranma ½!
Both boys had their eyes open and mouths agape.
"You're actually…real?" Ranma asked.
"Of course I am," responded Ranko casually as she grinned. "And now, I'm finally free! Not a moment too soon, either! Yeah, this feels great~!"
"So…that time with the love mushrooms was you just trying to reach out?" inquired Ranma.
"Yes, it was." the ponytailed girl answered. "I won't deny it, I've grown pretty attached to you two."
"Well, nice to know," Kenma nodded. "At least we got someone else here we can trust."
"Mm-hm!" Ranko gave a pleasant smile and a reassuring nod. "Besides, who knows? Maybe this little change comes with its own set of fun surprises, too!"
"Like what?" Ranma curiously asked.
"Well, that's just it," Ranko replied. "The fun is in finding out."
Cut to:
THE DOJO — NIGHT
Ranma, Kenma, and Ranko were sound asleep in the room when they sensed a familiar energy getting steadily closer to their window.
Shadow Ranko casually made her way inside and awoke both brothers with a kiss.
"Time to get up, loves~" she purred.
Kenma got to his feet, and so did Ranma.
"Let's blow this stand…how about we take a walk, yeah?" the monkey-boy asked.
"You read my mind, bro." Ranma concurred.
"Let's go, then." the spirit said with a smirk as she led the way out, with the brothers following behind.
In the kitchen, Akane was getting a glass of water; inwardly, however, her thoughts were focused on the absolute beatdown she had received from Ranma that day. She'd demanded that he not hold back…and he certainly delivered in spades.
As Akane took a sip of her water, she saw Shadow Ranko's silhouette go right by the kitchen window, which caused her to do a spit take. She silently mouthed the words 'What the fuck?'
Taking a baseball bat, she tiptoed out of the kitchen and stepped silently outside.
Suddenly the blinds on the nearby window began to move, prompting Akane to quickly turn towards them.
"W-who's there?" she asked while pointing the bat at the window.
Then a ghastly-looking face peeked through the window, and Akane instinctively brought the bat down on its head.
KRAK!
Glancing down, she saw that her target was actually Happosai, collapsed face-down on the floor.
"Akane, that hurt!" The little goblin whined.
"Oh! Sorry about that." Akane needlessly apologized. "But what were you doing outside of the window?"
"I saw Ranma outside…" groaned Happosai before he passed out.
"So I wasn't just seeing things!" Akane realized before going into Ranma and Kenma's room to see that both boys were missing…and yet there was still a lump under the covers.
"Mr. Saotome!" called Akane as she ran to Genma's room…only to see he was asleep.
"Mmm! These rice cakes are so tough…!" he said while biting his pillow.
"Honestly!" The tomboy scoffed as she looked out the window to see Ranma and Kenma walking off with someone. "Well, now what's going on THERE?" she muttered.
It was clear that action needed to be taken.
SHORTLY…
After getting Genma, Atsuko, and Nodoka awake, Akane took off down the street. Not too long after, she found them being joined by Shampoo and Cologne.
"We've got to hurry!" called the old woman. "Son-in-Law and his brother are both in great danger!"
"Oh, no!" Shampoo exclaimed. "That IS bad!"
"I didn't want to believe it was happening, but it is," said Cologne.
"So what's going on here?" called Akane.
"Explanations later!" replied Cologne. "We've got bigger fish to fry!"
Soon, they all came to a graveyard, where they found both boys up in a tree…but not by themselves.
"Who's that girl they're with?" Nodoka asked.
"The boys are with…Ranma?" Akane said to herself.
"Seriously, what the fuck is happening?!" Atsuko shouted.
"This is all because of that damn incense!" Cologne fumed.
"Happosai's always up to no good." Shampoo commented.
"I've been observing Ranma since I smelled the incense the previous night, and I've noticed his new more rebellious, violent tendencies," Cologne explained. "But the change couldn't have happened unless Ranma willed it."
Nodoka looked down, sad. "...maybe I know what could've brought this on…" she muttered.
Genma crossed his arms while looking contemplative. "I see now that I'll have to raise two children."
"Don't you mean three children?" asked Atsuko with a raised eyebrow.
"Don't be ridiculous, only Ranma mattered before and now I've got two of him!" Genma brushed off her comment. "Now, Ranma will marry Akane, and the female Ranma will get herself a rich husband. And I'll be set for life!"
"And what of Kenma?" asked Nodoka.
Genma shrugged. "What of him?" he replied dismissively, before bursting into uproarious laughter.
Shadow Ranko of course heard the loud, boisterous laughter and hissed like a cat.
The ground beneath the portly martial artist began to rise as the one of the surrounding trees uprooted itself. This caused Genma to fall on his back.
"Ah! What the hell was that?!" he asked while rubbing the back of his head.
From up in the tree, Kenma glowered, snarling angrily like a mad dog. "May I please kill him…?" he rasped.
"How about we both kill him, my love?" the spirit proposed with a smirk.
Kenma flashed a fanged grin. "A splendid idea~" he snickered as he scooped her up and scampered down the tree.
Shadow Ranko giggled with sadistic glee, and the both of them made their way towards the downed Saotome patriarch.
"I can take her!" Akane said as she got into her stance.
"Are you sure?" Shadow Ranko mocked. "Perhaps you'd stand more of a chance if I was a training dummy or a block of wood~!"
Suddenly, the sun began to rise over the horizon, and Shadow Ranko hissed as she covered her eyes.
"What? NO!" Kenma growled. "Not NOW! WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE NOW?!"
The spirit then cried out in agony as she held the sides of her head, before she slowly faded away.
Sensing that he'd better make like he was affected, Kenma let out a scream of agony and fell on his side, twitching and spasming for a few seconds until he went quiet and his body went limp.
"She's gone!" Akane said in surprise.
"Vanished like a vampire!" Genma added.
"Ranma!" The tomboy called as she ran over to the boy in question.
He then woke up and fell off of the tree branch he was sleeping on, landing on his head. "OW!" he shouted.
AND SO, SOME MORE TIME LATER…
Ranma was back in his room, lying down in his sleeping bag, although he definitely looked drained.
"Hang in there, kiddo." Atsuko said as he placed a warm towel over his head.
Nodoka glanced at him, then at Kenma, who was placed next to him. "Somehow I know this was my fault," she sighed.
"The boys don't deserve this terrible curse." Soun said with a solemn tone.
Genma scoffed. "Maybe Ranma doesn't deserve this," he responded.
"What do you mean by that, Saotome?"
"You know what I mean, Tendo!" Genma retorted. "Ranma doesn't deserve this, because he'll actually be useful one day—after all, he's the heir to the school! But Kenma? What's HE good for? Why couldn't that horrible she-devil take HIM instead?!"
Atsuko rounded on him. "You fat, lazy piece of—" she started, but Nodoka held her sister back.
"Atsuko…he's my husband," she insisted. "So if anyone's going to give it to him, then it's going to be ME."
"Come on, Nodoka." Genma attempted to justify himself. "Don't tell me you actually love that waste of space!"
"I do, Genma! He's my son!" Nodoka steadfastly declared. "And like it or not, you have TWO of them!"
"Sure, but Ranma's the only one that matters, as far as I'm concerned." the bespectacled slimeball retorted, crossing his arms firmly.
"As far as you're concerned, eh?" the brunette asked. "And here I thought you only cared about yourself."
"And Ranma is to be my successor," said Genma. "Once he marries Akane and takes over the School of Anything-Goes."
"I…don't…like…her…." wheezed Ranma.
"He doesn't like her," Kenma stated.
"AND JUST WHO ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION?!" snapped Genma.
"You're gettin it free of charge, dirtbag!" Kenma snapped back.
"You disrespectful little twerp!" scowled Genma.
"Maybe I'd respect you if you actually DID anything worthy of it!" Kenma shouted. "Ranma's the only person in this family I can actually trust, because at least HE DOESN'T ALWAYS TELL ME I'M A WASTE OF SPACE!"
"Well, then he's either lying or he's stupid!" Genma shouted back.
Finally hearing enough, Soun punched his so-called friend right in his fat gut.
WHOMP!
Genma doubled over in pain as he clutched his stomach. "...T-tendo…et tu…?" he groaned.
"I'm thoroughly disgusted, Saotome!" spat Soun. "Have you no shame in the things you say about your sons?"
"And speaking of which, we found out about something," smirked Atsuko as she brought out a piece of paper.
"What's that, Atsuko?" Soun asked.
"It's the suicide pact that I drafted, 16 years ago," answered Nodoka.
"Ah, I see." Soun nodded. "What about it?"
"Well, Nodoka and I read over it again today and we thought you might like to hear what we found." continued Atsuko.
At that point, Genma's face became slick with sweat. He had a sickening feeling that he wasn't going to like this.
"Alright then." the Tendo patriarch said as he sat back down on his knees. "Let's hear it!"
"In the event that any harm should befall my sons, be it physical or mental, I will commit seppuku and take my own life," read Atsuko, sneaking peeks to get a look at Genma's mounting terror. It was even better than she'd hoped. "Signed, Genma Saotome."
The fat whelp in question swallowed an enormous lump in his throat. "Th…that can't possibly be correct!" he tried to protest. "Y-you're probably just misreading it!"
"Nope," Nodoka said as she held up the paper. "It's all right here, in black and white, clear as day!"
"So that means…" Soun said.
"That we don't have to die…" Kenma realized, before flashing Genma a nasty grin. "...BUT YOU JUST MIGHT!"
Ranma, finally hearing some great news after so long, smiled while still in his sleeping bag.
"So, Genma…" Said Nodoka as she took her sword and poked her husband's chest with the butt. "You wanna say something bad about the boys one more time?"
"No, no, of course not." Genma said as he tugged at his collar.
"Not only has this Shadow Ranma been born from his evil side, it has also come forth as a manifestation of his fears and his insecurities about being accepted in spite of his curse," Cologne explained.
"Curse?" asked Nodoka.
"I'll put up the spirit wards while somebody explains," said Cologne, as Kenma smirked. As bad as things were, they were gradually getting BETTER.
"My evil side's been separated from my good side?" Ranma asked in a very hoarse voice, barely able to talk above a whisper. "Just what the hell is goin' on…?"
"Everyone has a dark side, son-in-law. But in case, a certain someone decided to bring out yours." the amazon elder said, referring to Happosai.
The old goblin simply whistled nonchalantly.
"But what'll happen if he stays this way?" Atsuko asked.
"Well, they both seem to be attracted to each other..." Soun observed as his imagination began to run wild.
"...So does this count as Self-Love or…?" Nabiki asked with genuine curiosity.
"Nabiki!" Akane shouted at the question.
"Oh, like you weren't wondering the same thing either?" Nabiki countered. "Like if they were to have sex, would that just be masturbation with extra steps?"
"Does this happen all the time?" Nodoka asked in confusion at what was going on.
"Crazy, action-packed comedic antics? Yes." Kenma answered his mom. "Sometimes it feels like it happens once a week."
"And what did that old woman mean by 'curse'?" Nodoka inquired.
Kenma smirked. "Well, I'll gladly explain!" he responded as Genma's blood ran cold. "See, it all started when we went to China and came to a place called 'Jusenkyo'..."
FOR THE STORY OF WHAT HAPPENED, SEE CHAPTER 1 of "THE DIGITAL DOJO", BECAUSE WE'RE NOT GONNA COPY AND PASTE THAT SAME FLASHBACK AGAIN.
ONE EXPLANATION LATER…
"...and THAT'S how it happened!" Kenma concluded, much to Nodoka and Atsuko's bewilderment.
"...okay, I've heard plenty of crazy stories… but damn, that takes the cake." Atsuko stated, as even she was surprised.
Nodoka however, began to pull her sword out of her sheathe and was ready to kill Genma on the spot.
"N-now, Nodoka, sweetheart, I believed that the Neko-Ken would make Ranma stronger!" Genma insisted.
"Neko…WHAT?" Nodoka asked.
"Oh, I didn't mention that?" Kenma asked. "Well…"
ONE MORE FLASHBACK LATER!
The entire house was flooded with killing intent as Nodoka was ready to commit murder on the spot. She tore her sword from her hilt and raised it over Genma's head as she got ready to slice him like deli meat.
"BURN IN HELL!" she bellowed.
"If it helps…" Ranma began to say to his mother. "We did meet some nice friends not too long ago."
"Were they nice?" Atsuko asked her nephews.
"Yup, they only came to beat up Genma to annul an arranged marriage he set up to have me marry—and I'm not even joking here—the Shredder's daughter!" Kenma explained to his aunt.
"THE SHREDDER?!" screamed Atsuko as she and Nodoka rounded on Genma. "ARE YOU A GLUTTON FOR PUNISHMENT, OR JUST STUPID?!" she screamed.
"I'd say both." Jinn commented. "Especially with a gut like his."
Later, nighttime rolled around, and with it came Shadow Ranko, reappearing like some sort of specter—an apparition, if you will.
As her lips curled into a smile, she seemed to glide as she made her way to the Tendo house. But when she arrived, she found a nasty surprise. Or rather, dozens of them.
"S-spirit wards? Against me?!" she gasped, mortified at the sight of them plastered all over the walls. "No, this cannot be! Ranma, my love…DON'T SHUT ME OUT!"
Meanwhile inside, Ranma was desperately reaching out his hand, trying as hard as he could to get to the door.
"No, no, we can't go!" exclaimed Kenma as he tried to hold his brother back.
"Resist the urge, son-in-law!" Cologne instructed. "That is a devil, calling you towards your damnation!"
"Rah-rah, Ranma! Hang in there, son!" Soun called.
"Ranma, you can't do this!" insisted Nodoka. "I've just gotten to know you and your brother, and you seem really interesting!"
"Come on, Ranma! Think of the school, Boy!" Genma urged.
"SHUT UP!" Kenma bellowed, while Atsuko cracked Genma upside the head.
"You've gotta resist her!" Akane chimed in.
"Think about Lum and Ukyo!" Shampoo spoke up.
"Oh, my loves...don't do this to me..." moaned Shadow Ranko, as she fell to her knees...and then she saw the old goat right next to her.
"I've kept the 2 of you apart long enough...it's time you return to Ranma's body," said Happosai. "Was it so wrong of me to want to get in touch with Ranma's better half? But my foresight failed me...please forgive me, Ranma."
Then, Shadow Ranko got a wonderfully awful idea.
"If you grant me one teeny-tiny favor…then I'll let you have the bra that I'm wearing~" she purred, flashing her chest for the old horndog.
"You sneaky temptress! If you think that's all it'll take to sway my opinion…" Happosai began, before he smiled. "...then you know me so well~!"
He then proceeded to take off every single one of the spirit wards surrounding the house, including the one on Ranma's forehead.
"Hey!" Akane called out.
"What do you think you're doing?!" Shampoo asked in bewilderment.
"What I should've done a long time ago!" Happosai said in his flimsy defense.
"Come to me, my darlings!" Shadow Ranko beckoned from outside.
Kenma's eyes flashed red as he grinned darkly. "Gimme a minute, and I will~!" he responded.
Ranma got to his feet, and began to trudge towards the doorway. Akane tried to stop him, but Kenma just snarled angrily at her.
The spirit began to giggle mischievously as the boys walked over to her, and outside.
"Hey!" Happosai called. "We had a deal!"
And seconds later, he was trampled by the others as they ran out after the boys.
Ranko got in a few more stomps before joining the others.
The group eventually made it to the tree from last night, where both brothers wrapped one arm around Shadow Ranko's shoulders.
"After tonight, we'll all be together forever," she said with a smirk.
"I can hardly wait," Kenma nodded.
"Me neither." Ranma agreed.
"This makes me so happy~!" the seductive specter said as she kissed both boys on the cheek.
"Young girls shouldn't be out at this hour without a chaperone!" Soun called out.
"And boys should stay with the fiance that their father picked for them!" added Genma.
"SHUT UP!" Akane and Akimitsu shouted.
Of course, this got Shadow Ranko's attention.
"Bothersome pests…" she growled like an angry cat as her irises glowed bright. Suddenly, two massive trees uprooted themselves and floated into the air!
"AAH!" Everyone screamed as they lost their balance and fell down, narrowly dodging the two trees that were thrown at them.
"Is everyone alright?" Nodoka asked as she got back her bearings.
"I ate some dirt just now, but otherwise?" called Aki. "I'm just peachy!"
[Cue DBZ M1308]
Akane struggled to her feet before she saw Shadow Ranko and Ranma approaching her, walking in sync as Kenma followed behind.
"You've been a thorn in my side for quite some time," hissed Shadow Ranko. "But it's a good thing thorns can be plucked."
"Ranma…" groaned Akane. "Please, this isn't you! You don't have to listen to her!"
The dark-haired boy just glanced down at Akane…before he opened his mouth and let out an unearthly hiss, raising his hand as though he was about to strike, when suddenly…
"What's the matter?" A female voice rang out as everyone froze. "You guys having a party and didn't even invite me?" Ranko called as she landed on Ranma's face as she drop-kicked him hard, sending Ranma flying back.
"What the heck?" Akane shouted as everyone was confused by there being two Ranko's and one Ranma.
"Am I seeing double or do I have a concussion?" Soun asked in bewilderment.
"Nope, that's really happening." Genma responded, right after checking his own glasses.
Ranma growled and got up before having his face tackled by a cat that Shampoo threw.
Shadow Ranko turned towards Kenma. "Kill her!" she commanded.
Kenma nodded, and started to shapeshift into a ferocious monster to do the deed. "TRANSFORMATION!" he bellowed as his body began to shift.
"Oh, Kenma~!" Ranko said a sing-song tone as she took off her tank top and flashed her breasts at him.
Kenma stopped in mid-transformation as he shifted back to normal, and blood gushed from his nostrils. "AH-OOO-GAH!" he exclaimed, his heart pounding like crazy.
"Too easy!" the ponytailed girl said with a smirk as she redressed herself.
Ranma finally returned to his senses and looked around. "Huh? What are you guys doin' here?"
Shampoo immediately wrapped him in a hug. "I'm so sorry for throwing that cat in your face, Ranma!"
"It was the only way we could think of to get you to wake up." Akane explained.
"Just as long as it's gone. It is, right?" Ranma asked while frantically looking around.
"It's gone, now." The amazon reassured him.
"Just like YOU'LL be!" declared Shadow Ranko as she cracked her knuckles.
"Take your best shot, ghost!" Shampoo said as she got into her stance.
The now vindictive spirit leapt from the top of the tree and aimed for Akane.
The tomboy gasped as she turned around. "Mrs. Saotome, look out!" she said as she pushed the older woman out of the way of Shadow Ranko's devastating kick.
"Akane, use this!" Cologne called out as she tossed her a spirit ward.
Akane caught it before being punched in the stomach by the vengeful ghost. "GUH!"
"Too slow!" Shadow Ranko taunted as she kicked Akane in her back, sending sliding on her stomach.
The tomboy coughed before getting back up and assuming her fighting stance.
"What's the matter—this fight not as easy as you hoped it'd be?" taunted Shadow Ranko. "Maybe you should go back to training dummies and breaking bricks~!"
"I'm not afraid of you!" Akane spat back.
"Then you're even dumber than I thought." the ghost said before grabbing the tomboy with her telekinesis and bringing her in for a few smacks across the face.
THWAP! THWAP! THWAP!
"Is that really all you've got?" chided Shadow Ranko. "I expected more from the heir to the great Tendo school of Anything-Goes Indiscriminate Grappling! Maybe daddy didn't train you well enough…or maybe you're just pathetic! Did you REALLY think you were stronger than me? News flash, princess: you're not! Daddy's just been coddling you, so you just needed a dose of reality!"
Akane couldn't think of a rebuttal. The pain, both emotional and physical, was too much to bear.
"And might you have any last words?" Shadow Ranko asked. "After all…the next dimension is waiting."
"Yeah…hold this for me, will ya?" Akane said as she stuck the spirit ward onto the apparition's forehead.
Shadow Ranko gasped and screamed while holding her head in agonizing pain.
"My god…!" Nodoka said as she saw the vengeful spirit writhe in pain.
"Oh, my love! Help me!" Shadow Ranko pleaded as she desperately tried to cling to the corporeal plane.
Ranma reached out his hand before Atsuko stopped him. "Stay where you are, Ranma," she advised.
"Kenma, save me!" Shadow Ranko attempted again on the other brother, only he was distracted by Shampoo. "...Oh, come on! You both suuuu—" she moaned as she faded away from existence.
Akane looked around, trying to see if it really worked. "Did…did it really work?" she asked.
Cologne went over to the spirit ward. "...yes," she nodded. "She's been sealed away for good."
"So now what do we do?" Aki asked as he checked on Akane.
"Confiscate all the incense Happosai owns to make sure this never happens again." Cologne suggested as they all agreed to that.
"I'm ready to go to bed after this ordeal." Soun yawned as he went off to bed.
As they all left, Kenma had one more thing to get answers for, one that has popped in and out of his mind for a while.
"Hey mom, can I ask you something?" Kenma asked his mother as he approached her.
"Sure sweety, what do you want to know?" Nodoka asked as she was ready to be more open with her sons.
"When we met Shredder, he said that your family sort of in the same line of work as he was. What did he mean by that?" Kenma asked as even Ranma was curious.
"Yeah, what's up with that?" Ranma added as it made him curious as well.
"Oh, Oroku Saki said that? Well—" Nodoka began to say, trying to find the right words to use. "You see…my family is a Yakuza family."
"You mean you're criminals?!" Kenma exclaimed.
"Not exactly, Kenma." Nodoka said as she began to elaborate. "You see, we mainly specialize in assassinations. But don't worry, our targets are usually scum of the lowest order."
Kenma glanced up at his mother for a few minutes. "...well, at least this explains why Genma was so keen on marrying you," he finally spoke up.
"Yep!" Atsuko chimed in. "He was wooed by the siren song of the almighty dollar."
Kenma put his hands behind his head. "Tonight's answers…and yet maybe they'll lead to more questions," he murmured to himself.
NEXT EPISODE PREVIEW
Apparently we're getting some new teachers. Hinako Ninomiya, Sgt. Walter Lock, and...Kumicho Kuno? Could the third have some connection to the principal? The point is, these people have been brought in because apparently Ranma is a so-called "Bad Keiki". And these guys could each prove to be more than a match for the Saotome Brothers.
Next time on Mark of the Demon Cat:
Triple Teacher Troubles!
Growing Up with Miss Hinako and Friends
We'll see you there!
TEYANDEE~!
So this is the first new chapter of the year. Who knows? Maybe this will motivate Akane to get serious about her training?
And what repercussions can we expect now that Nodoka is living with the Saotomes? I guess we'll see as the season continues!