Pandora made the dirigible plum tea in silence. It was loud enough inside her brain without constant chatter. Pandora had received a letter from Lily Evans announcing that James Potter was pregnant, that she and James were expecting a baby. She was happy for Lily of course she was but that could have been her life, she and Lily were supposed to travel the world in their 20's and think about babies in their 30's so it was a shock that James was pregnant at 19. Lily expressed wanting to wait till later in life to have children. There were things she wanted to do first, but maybe it was different with James? It still caused Pandora pain. Her and Lily had broken up in Pandora's sixth year/Lily's seventh year, they broke up in October and she got with James sometime after his birthday in March. Pandora and Lily had been dating since Pandora's third year; they formed a friendship when Pandora found her crying in the astronomy tower; Pandora had originally gone there looking for Regulus. What she found was Lily Evans though she went by a different name back then.
"Reg is that you? Oh sorry! Hey are you alright, Evans?"
"What does it look like?" Lily sniffed. Pandora sighed and walked up and sat opposite her,
"Sugar Quill?" she offered, holding out a blue one. Lily looked away, "Come on, take it," Lily snatched it and put it in her mouth and began sucking it Pandora smiled. "You know my friend Regulus likes to tell the stars his problems, they are good listeners apparently," she said cheerily talking to the sky. Lily cried a little harder sucking on her Sugar Quill.
"I doubt the stars could fix my problem," Lily choked,
"Maybe not fix, but sometimes it's good to let it out, could take a load off," Pandora smiled.
"If I let it all out I don't know what will happen," Lily admitted.
"That's the thing about the stars, they keep your secrets. Reg taught me that," Pandora said happily. Lily smiled. It was a small smile but it was a smile nonetheless and Pandora thought it was beautiful.
"Do you keep secrets?" Lily asked Pandora nodded. "Cross your heart?" Pandora crossed her heart. Lily sat in silence for the longest time after and Pandora did not push her; she sat with her in the starlight. Then Lily said to the stars just loud enough for Pandora to hear, "I'm like Regulus, but the opposite way around. I'm trans, I'm a girl,"
"There is nothing wrong with that, is there a different name you would like me to call you instead of '...' ?" Pandora asked cheerily.
"I don't know. Also, Regulus is skinny and pureblood and I already get made fun of about my weight and everything." Lily sounded a bit hysterical,
"Hey, hey, shhh," Pandora leaned forward and grabbed Lily into a hug, "Regulus doesn't have it easy either, I'm not going to go into it because that's his business but trust me Regulus does not have it easy,"
"I'm sorry that was just jealousy, I didn't mean to make it sound like oh I don't know," Lily sniffed,
"It's okay, your okay,"
"You won't tell anybody?"
"No, no one should know until you are ready, that is for you to tell." Pandora assured her,
"I like flower names, I think." Lily admitted, "Maybe Daisy?"
"Doesn't suit you, what about Bluebell?"
"No," Lily started laughing, "Violet or Lily maybe?" Lily wondered aloud,
"I still vote Bluebell but Lily is a strong choice, either way it is your choice so if you wanted to go for your first option of Daisy that is fine. No one can actually tell you what name to pick, though I can offer help if requested," Pandora smiled.
"Lily it is, but maybe don't call me that in public until.."
"Got you, I'll just stick with Evans, in public until you tell me otherwise, Miss Lily Evans."
"How did Regulus tell people?" Lily asked. Pandora and Lily chatted into the night offering solutions and Pandora also encouraged her to speak to Regulus. A couple of weeks went by and hair growing potion later and Lily had started her transition.
Pandora thought a lot about her and Lily's friendship, she thought a lot about her and Lily's relationship. She thought a lot about Lily in general. Being friends with Regulus had cost Pandora everything. Lily found out about Regulus' dark mark from Sirius and when Lily confronted Pandora about it Pandora just sobbed and said there was good in Regulus that he was good it was his parents he was in a bad situation and he needed out. Lily was as fiery as ever and was not easing up. She even compared being in a relationship with Pandora to being friends with Severus which hurt Pandora very much, Severus had called Lily a slur she would never have begged Lily to realise that she would never do that. Lily said she knew she wouldn't but didn't ease up on confronting her about who she was friends with and repeating that she'd gone through this before with Severus Snape being friends with people heading towards the death eater route and that Barty, Evan and Regulus were no better and now she knew Regulus was actually marked she let Pandora know she had a choice to make. Lily or Regulus, Pandora's reasoning for not breaking off her friendship with Regulus is that Lily would survive without Pandora but Regulus would not, he was barely surviving his breakup which was due to mark. Regulus seemed closer to death each day and Pandora saw someone worth saving, she saw her old friend, she saw a little kid in a bad situation that maybe one day she could have a breakthrough with him and help him out. So Lily left and the crack in Pandora's heart never did mend. Now the tea is made so she puts it infront of Regulus and he finally speaks,
"Voldemort has a Horcrux," Regulus told her plainly.
"Pardon?" she sighed not liking this at all.
"Voldemort he has a Horcrux," Regulus repeated,
"And he told you this?" Pandora didn't much feel like having her tea anymore.
"Not exactly no, but I know where it is and I want to destroy it, I want to end this." While she was happy Regulus finally had a breakthrough Merlin knows she'd been gently pushing him to leave for years to run away with her but she needed more information.
"How did you know about this Horcrux?" she asked and Regulus went into the story about how Voldemort had requested an elf and he had offered Kreacher how he took Kreacher to cave with a locket and made Kreacher drink a torturous potion how he hurt kreacher and lefr kreacher for dead how Kreacher described it was a dark object an object most terrible that he put in the cave where he had taken Kreacher. How Regulus tore through every book in his library on dark objects before it made sense with the Horcrux that the dark lord has always been talking about immortality that much was not a secret. "Fuck, so what are we going to do?" she asked, finally drinking her tea.
"What do you mean we?"
"Well you can't expect me to let you go there alone!" Pandora said sternly.
"I have to, I have to do this. I've fucked up so much of my life I just want to make things right. If I do this I might have a chance to repair my relationship with Sirius," Regulus muttered tears in his eyes.
"I think you will have a good chance of repairing your relationship with Sirius if you take this step, yes. That doesn't mean it has to be done alone Reg,"
"I can't ask you to come Dor," Regulus looked at the ground.
"You're not asking, and I'm not offering, I am telling you I am coming. I need to do this too, for her," she said softly and then whispered, "Not just for but for her baby,"
"James? James is?" Regulus asked without looking up from the ground.
"Yeah," Pandora uttered. Tears fell silently from Regulus' eyes as he stared at the ground. Pandora knew it was best not to press him to talk so she let her mind wander back to her and Lily's first kiss. It was around the time Lily had taken the hair growing potion and started telling people who she truly was she had gone to the Astronomy tower looking for Pandora when she found Regulus reading poetry on Pandora's lap with Pandora running her hands through his hair.
"Oh sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt!" Lily's face was as red as her hair.
"Hi petal," Pandora smiled, "You aren't interrupting anything,"
"I was just leaving to go to the library," Regulus announced and flashed a grin at Pandora before leaving.
"Sorry, are you sure I wasn't interrupting something?" Lily asked shyly.
"Oh Merlin no, Regulus and I could never be a thing trust me on that we are just really close friends," she assured her gently.
"Good," Lily said, still red.
"Good?"
"I mean whatever, yeah be friends be lovers it's all good," Lily stuttered. Pandora giggled,
"Come sit Petal," Pandora rubbed the spot next to her. Lily came over and sat down beside her Pandora tucked a piece of Lily's hair behind her ear and Lily smiled, "Your hair is beautiful, I love the length it suits you,"
"Thank you, I am going to start taking Estrogen potions too, Madam Pomfrey is going through that with me on the weekend." Lily said nervously.
"That's great Lils," Pandora smiled,
"I'm nervous, but I'm excited too," Lily admitted.
"I'm happy for you," Pandora moved her hand so it covered Lily's. Lily looked down and smiled.
"I think you're alright for a Slytherin you know," Lily teased.
"All these weeks meeting up here and your only realising that I might be alright now,"
"No, I guess I knew you were before we even talked properly. I watched you sometimes,"
"You..Watched me?"
"Is that weird?"
"I'm not sure, people say I'm weird though so I have no room to judge,"
"You are eccentric," Lily smiled.
"Your smile is beautiful, you are beautiful," Pandora said boldly, Lily flashed her green eyes at Pandora. "People would build and collapse cities in a day to look into your eyes,"
"See eccentric," Lily giggled.
"What did you notice when you watched me?" Pandora wondered aloud,
"I noticed you always are giving out sweets or crystals when someone appears less than 100%, I noticed you bring food for Regulus when he doesn't feel like joining everyone at breakfast some weekends. I noticed you put flowers in Dorcas' hair when she doesn't do as well as she thought she would on a test, I noticed you try all kinds of tea but you favour peppermint. I notice you make new friendship bracelets for Regulus every three months. I notice some weekends your clothes are covered in paint, so I guess you like to paint? "
something passed through the air, "I notice you sometimes doodle on your hand too and on Barty and Evan's sometimes Regulus but if I had to make a guess I'd say he protests a lot of time but lets you at times because he loves you so much. If I had to make an observation right now it would be that your lips look soft," Lily croaked and Pandora moved forward and planted a small kiss on Lily's lips, "Yeah I was correct, they are very soft," Lily murmured before closing the gap between them and kissing her properly the outside world melted away as they kissed. Pandora felt she was orbiting around the stars and planets while kissing Lily that were everywhere and nowhere, the only thing completely clear is that Lily was the only thing that mattered in the whole world at that moment. Lily was the fire that Pandora felt in her heart, a fire that would spread throughout her body and that nothing could extinguish.
"So it's decided, we are doing this and we are doing this for them and for Sirius,"
"And for their baby," Pandora added,
"And for their baby," Regulus whispered. Pandora never fell completely out of touch with Lily so she never fell out of love with her either. They wrote letters often through the war even if it was short one to check the other was alive but there were other times where they would talk properly through letters, share recipes, share book recommendations, share secrets, cross their hearts won't tell no other. Pandora really lived for those letters, the world was dark, the war was hard. The fire had dimmed. Sorrow seeped into every aspect of her life, Dorcas and her lost contact because again her friendship with Regulus and the others Dorcas was in the order now but there was a time they were all friends there was a time Dorcas would braid Pandora's hair in the boys dorms while they all did impressions of the Gryffindor's.
There was a time Dorcas would curse someone out for saying anything about their little group. They all protected each other like family, for most of the group it went beyond family because family was not a safe place for them. Their group was safe though, until it wasn't, until Dorcas couldn't stand to look at Regulus, Barty and Evan, Pandora just saw three people in desperate need of help she did not agree but she knew Evan and Regulus did not want it either and that Barty would follow Evan anywhere. She learned through Lily that Dorcas was planning on proposing to Marlene her heart was full for Dorcas, she knew Marlene would say yes. She just wish she could of have been in a situation where Dorcas would have been the one to share the news, she hadn't spoke to her since school though, she thought of her everyday she'd always remember decorating Dorcas' hair with flowers.
"So what are we going to do,"
"I am going to call Kreacher and he is going to take us," Regulus sniffed.
"Should we eat first?"
"I don't think I could eat right now,"
"No, I don't either," Pandora admitted, "I was just wondering if we should anyway."
"I'm telling you, I won't be able to stomach anything. We can think about food when we come back I'll even join you in eating something vegan," Regulus promised.
"Thank you. I'll make those vegan pizza's Lily sent me the recipe for,"
"Lily is vegan now?"
"No, but she tries out recipes for me and sends them."
"I'm sorry for how it turned out with you two,"
"It's okay Reg, wasn't meant to be," Pandora swallowed a hard lump in her throat. When she was with Lily nothing felt more 'meant to be' Lily let her braid her hair every night before bed, Lily would sing 'my girl' to Pandora whenever she'd feel a little blue. Pandora would often sing 'This will be an everlasting love' to Lily she proclaimed it would be their wedding song one night while dancing with Lily drunk in the room of requirment that was turned into a dance floors wil strobe lights while only the two of them were in the room dancing and drinking firewhiskey and tequila. The song played once again in a party before the 7th years left 1978 Lily was in James' lap laughing so Pandora turned it over and 'heroes' by David Bowie started playing instead, it was a song that saved her a small bit of heartache that day so she often would sing it to Regulus when things got really bad. She'll never forget dancing with Lily that night late 1975 in the room of requirement when 'this will be an everlasting love came on'
"Ok, this one is our wedding song," Pandora slurred, Lily giggled while taking a drink out of her plastic cup of firewhiskey while the two of them danced.
"You just said 'Ain't no mountain high enough' was going to be our wedding song," Lily mused while Pandora span her.
"We'll have all the songs and no one else will be aloud to dance just you and I," Pandora told her happily,
"So you want to marry me?"
"Maybe when we're like 25 after five years of travelling we'll come home and throw a big wedding. Bigger than anything anyones ever seen I'll fly down the aisle on a Thestral and everything," Pandora explained, Lily snorted. "Our cats will be there of course, we need ring bearers,"
"We have cats?" Lily laughed.
"Yes pegasus our three legged cat who can't walk to well but in our minds he can fly and then there is Misty she can always tell when something is going to happen," Pandora said very matter of factly, "Then after the wedding we'll disappear for another five years and then we come back and have three kids and start settling down on a farm but a vegetable farm the animals there will only be pets not used for anyone's benefit," Pandora explained.
"You're perfect and I love you," Lily declared draining her plastic cup of firewhiskey,
"I'm pretty sure you are the reason the earth is spinning,"
"Are you just saying that because the room is spinning because you drank too much?" Lily raised an eyebrow.
"No, it's because you're magnetic, you're pulling the earth, you are making it rotate. While still somehow being its core," Pandora swayed, Lily took Pandora's cup out of her hand and drank the rest of what was it and set the two plastic cups on the floor and vanished them with her wand.
"I am cutting you off," she said firmly but with a smile, "But dance with me anyway?" Pandora wrapped her arms around Lily's waist and Lily wrapped hers in turn around Pandora's neck and they swayed Lily brought her nose over to Pandora's and they rubbed noses while spinning around listening to whatever songs came up.
Regulus called for Kreacher which snapped Pandora back into reality and also made her feel like she was going to throw up. Pandora cleared away the cups while Regulus explained to Kreacher that he wanted Kreacher to take him and Pandora to the cave where Voldemort had taken Kreacher. Kreacher was going through a series of protests while Pandora placed the cups back in the cupboard using wingardium leviosa. Regulus gently tried to calm Kreacher while also explaining it was an order. Pandora took this opportunity to into the next room and pull out her quill and parchment and write Lily a letter.
'Dear Petal,
I am about to do something really reckless and stupid but also brave? I guess I am going to be borrowing your Gryffindor traits for the day. If all goes well this could be the first step in ending the war, I can't go into detail in case the letter is intercepted. I hope this finds you and I hope it finds you well. Congratulations to you and James by the way, you deserve happiness for both of you. I was hoping we could meet up soon? I would like to give you a present for the baby. I also just miss you, it's been too long Lily. I am grateful for the letters but I also would just like to see your face again.
Yours forever,
Muffin'
Pandora scribbled 'Lily Potter' on the front and gave it to her owl and walked back into the room Regulus and Kreacher were in when Regulus informed her it was time to go she swallowed down another hard lump and then walked forward the held each others hands tightly for a few seconds then with a CRACK they stood on a large rock in the middle of the sea,
"I did not dress appropriately," Pandora said in her blue dress and Lily's old cardigan that was very worn now. Regulus was in a black coat it was long and warm but she suspected he might still be slightly cold with the sea air. He didn't respond to what she said he hurried the three of them into a boat and crossed to the cave Kreacher had told them about. The sea was rough and the motion was horrid. Pandora found herself grateful that there was nothing in her stomach but half a cup of dirigible plum tea. She held Regulus hand and whispered into his ear lyrics, "I, I wish you could swim like the dolphins, like dolphins can swim though nothing, nothing will keep us together, we can beat them, for ever and ever. Oh we can be Heroes, just for one day." and he relaxed his head into her shoulder and closed his eyes while Kreacher channelled the boat in the caves direction with magic. It wasn't too long before they reached the cave. Pandora fumbled out of the boat and rubbed her arms feeling the full force of the cold with only thoughts of Lily's eyes to warm her. Lily was her fire, Lily was her warmth. Still what kept her going, forever keeping her going.
"Kreacher must mark the walls with Kreacher's blood, it requires it to open," Kreacher explained,
"No! I will do it," Regulus insisted but Pandora had already taken a sharp rock and cut her palm with it she winced and so did Regulus while Kreacher showed her where to rub the blood to gain entry. Pandora rubbed her hand wincing and then they had gotten through Regulus took her hand and healed it with his wand. It was dark inside Pandora had Lumos Maxima shining from her wand. "Fuck," Regulus breathed.
"Fuck," Pandora repeated interwining her fingers with her best friends whispering is his ear, "We can be heroes, we can be heroes, just for one day," he gave her hand a light squeeze and started tracing hearts on the back of her hand with this thumb she started tracing the words 'I love you' on the back of his with her thumb. She loved Regulus with all the force of a fucking tsunami, completely platonically of course they were both very gay. When they got to the water Kreacher explained about a boat which needed to be summoned. Regulus did that instantly and they crossed the water to the other side. Pandora shut her eyes 'This is for Regulus, This is for Regulus. This is for Regulus," she repeated in her head and then 'This is for Lily and her baby' Regulus kissed the crown of Pandora's head before getting out of the boat and then she slowly got out. Kreacher then explained about a horrible potion that needed to be taken, that Voldemort had made him take but how he would take it again for Regulus. Regulus refused to let him take it insisting he would himself,
"No, let me Reg, please you need to be in the right state to talk to Sirius after."
"Pandora let me do the right thing for once in my fucking life," was all Regulus said.
"I don't want to see you get hurt,"
"And I don't want to hurt you anymore than I've already been hurting you," Regulus croaked. He pulled Pandora into a warm embrace and they both sobbed very loudly, "I am so sorry Pandora, for everything I put you through. I hope you can forgive me, I love you." he sobbed. He rarely said those three words to anyone but Pandora did get to hear them more than anyone else did soon she hoped he would get to say them to Sirius.
"I always saw the best in you, I always knew you would do the right thing. I love you, you're my brother, maybe not by blood but screw that you are everything I needed in a brother. I love you," Pandora sobbed and let him go knowing she was about to witness sheer horror. Regulus ordered Kreacher to make sure he drank all of the potion no matter what and Pandora let the tears fall out of her eyes as she filled the crystal with the horrible liquid and handed it to Kreacher. As soon as Regulus swallowed he was screaming,
"Please maman No! Please, Sirius, Sirius," he began shouting. Pandora wiped away tears she had watched since she was eleven her best friend in the worst situation she feared anyone could be in and now she was watching him relive the horrors she continued to fill the crystal as her and Kreacher passed it back and forth while Regulus screamed for his brother and begged them not to make him drink anymore and shook his head and yelled and scratched himself and threw his head back banging, mostly calling for his brother. It was sheer torcher to witness; she only could imagine what it was like for Regulus; she never felt more relieved as when the potion was completely finished. "Water please Pan," he croaked.
"No!" Kreacher said firmly but Pandora ignored him and filled the crystal with water and walked over handing it to Regulus. As Regulus took it off her and drank something pulled her leg back and she fell. She looked behind bodies were coming out of the water,
"Reg," she cried out after blasting it off with her wand.
"Inferi," he croaked and she stood up and readied her wand. Regulus ran over and took the Horcrux. "Kreacher get us out of here," he shouted as Pandora blasted a few Ineferi back into the water while Regulus grabbed her wrist and grabbed hold of Kreacher.
"It is not working Kreacher is unable,"
"You apparated out of here before right?" Pandora said nervously.
"Maybe Voldemort set it so wizards can't apparate he never thought about restricting elves he never thought Kreacher would be able to," Regulus spluttered.
"Oh Merlins fucking ballsack," Pandora cried
"Kreacher take this and go," he thrusted the locket into Kreachers hands, "We will try to get out but if we don't destroy it okay? Destroy it that's an order!" Regulus bellowed.
"I cannot leave master Regulus in such a place as this," Kreacher sobbed,
"Go Kreacher please, you may be our last hope, so go and destroy it. leave us here that is an order," and with a CRACK Kreacher was gone. "Shit," Regulus readying his wand and performing a shield in front of him and Pandora the Inferi were nearly coming through it but it was holding them off for now. "Hold on," Regulus pulled out a quill and piece of paper he scribbled something down and folded it and placed it into a locket he pulled from his pocket. And closed it putting it in the place of the Horcrux Pandora watched as the potion filled back up. "I don't know how long this will hold them but you need to try and get out of here,"
"Regulus, I knew from that first train ride to Hogwarts you would be in my life until the end of it and I can't be more grateful to have gone through it with you," she croaked.
"Shhh, shhh, you're fine, I'll try draw them to me and you can get out okay? Tell Lily you love her still it might be worth a shot when she finds out what you and I done here today things might be different," he smiled,
"Even if I could ever see Lily again I'd never try to come between her and James. Especially now with a baby in the picture," Pandora admitted. "Not that any of that matters because I am not leaving you here no matter what,"
"You have to try, the world would be a dark place without you!"
"I don't want to live in a world without Regulus Black," she admitted, "If we go down then we go down together. I either leave here with you or not at all,"
"Pan please don't say that," Regulus begged. A few Inferi got through the shield and Pandora and Regulus started casting spells at them backing them away trying to get them back on the other side of the shield but they wouldn't go back through and more was breaking in. Pandora opened her mouth to sing but a whimper came out. Regulus, being so in tune with her, opened his mouth and sang just loud enough for her to hear, "I, I will be king and you, you will be queen. Though nothing will drive them away. We can be Heroes, just for one day, we can be us, just for one day." Soon enough was through that they couldn't fight in seconds Pandora and Regulus were covered in Inferi dragging them towards the water as they reached for each other's hands and screamed 'I love yous' like they were a powerful spell. Pandora sucked in a big breath and they pulled her under the water she finally felt Regulus' fingers for second before the inferi started scratching every part of her, she held her breath as she felt her hair being ripped from her head and throat and face being scratched at she lost an eyelid in under a minute. So she was forced to see the bodies clawing at her when all she wanted to was close her eyes. She closed the one with an eyelid and pointed the other eyeball as far down as she could and thought of Lily's kiss and felt the freezing water warm around her. Her fire, her constant warmth, her flower that would grow even in the deepest snow.
Lily,
Lily,
Lily.
She thought of her, feeling her kiss as she lost limbs until couldn't hold her breath. The water then invaded its way down her throat and all she could think was 'If there is some higher being up there please forgive Regulus for everything he has done please let him have a peaceful afterlife' it was her last thought she repeated it until everything went black. Unknownst to her Regulus' last thought was 77 seconds before hers and it was 'I fucked up her life' the inferi let go of both lifeless bodies and they clashed together before drifting apart.