Mourn

On her knees, digging her fingers into the dirt, as though she was trying to root herself into the earth. Find a way to reach him. Get closer to him.

Id followed her here after watching her mail the letter. And it wasn't as simple as she she'd wanted it to be. She wouldn't be here if it had.

I leaned against the tree, across the cemetery, watching her choke on her own breaths and slowly crawl her way onto the ground. Curling herself up in the grass.

She whispered to him. Apologising. Sending him her love. Her breathless words so strained that they sound as though they burnt her throat.

She hadn't been here since his funeral.

She hadn't wanted to return.

She said he was gone and that there was no point.

But she needed to mourn him.

Some said she mourned enough. Maybe too much. That she'd drowned herself in it.

I couldn't agree with that.

There was no time limit on this. If there was, they'd lock the gates to these places and never let us in.

There was a difference between grieving and mourning.

Grief is what we feel. It's that tangled web of knots that appears in your gut when you lose someone. They make you panic. They make you cry. They break you. Until they loosen and release you.

Mourning, that's something else. It's outward. That's talking about it. About the person you lost and how you lost them. Planning a funeral. Connecting with someone, anyone, who you could share it with. A whole list of things Bella refused to do.

Bella had been grieving. But she hadn't even begun to mourn.

Lying there on the ground, talking to him. That was the first sign I'd seen of it.

When I considered it. I realised she was repeating this behaviour. She still hadn't told me what happened with Jacob, she still hadn't looked at the scars.

It was all internal, something she kept hidden. Twisted and knotted up with everything else she'd left for to long.

When she grew silent, I walked over. Making my up to her, slowly.

I had no doubt she knew I'd followed her here.

I stood there for a minute at her feet, out of sight, looking at his headstone.

"Are you mad at me?" She asked, running her fingers over the blades of grass.

I shook my head, even though she couldn't see me.

"Of course not. I never was." I promised her, as I sat down beside her. Reaching over to tuck a curl behind her ear. "I just didn't want you to lose any thing else."

She stayed silent, fingers still smoothing out the earth beneath her.

"I miss him." She breathed out, never taking her eyes from the graceful movements of her fingers.

I put my hand on hip and ran my thumb back and forth. "I know you do, Bella." I assured her.

"I don't wanna leave yet." She told me, her eyes glancing at me as she spoke.

I smiled lightly and nodded. "That's ok. We don't have to. You take your time."

It was 2am when Rosalie showed up.

She had stopped by to tell me that Leah had left the pack, with her younger brother in tow. Both displeased with how the situation was being handled.

Rosalie sat in the armchair, fingers intertwined over her stomach, legs crossed. The position that would have looked relaxed on most, appeared more menacing than anything else when performed by Rosalie.

"Who told you this?" I asked leaning into the wall and crossing my arms.

She shrugged slightly. "Horses mouth. She doesn't want to be associated with this. Neither does Seth."

"But they won't help us?" I voiced, knowing the answer before I asked the question.

Rosalie shook her head. "No, she made that clear. She's still loyal to them."

I pushed off the wall to pace through the room. "So, this doesn't help us".

"They're falling apart Edward. I'd say that helps us." Curling her lip and tilting her head forward. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she planned it.

She smiled. "Are you sure she's asleep? She's not up there writing anymore letters?"

I considered her question and focused on the sound on Bella's breathing upstairs. Interrupted when I heard Rosalie's thoughts.

"Who can blame her. All their ignorant stories" she thought. "Not that it will be going on for much longer".

"Rosalie."

She looked at me frowned, knowing she'd slipped and let her guard down.

I was well aware of what stories where circulating about Bella. It almost had me wondering where most of them had originated from. But no matter what version you heard, the focus of the tale was the same, Bella was to blame. She'd been in the wrong place, she'd not been paying attention, she should have known better.

"You expect me to just sit on my hands and say nothing?" She asked, raising her brow.

"They'll move on." I assured her. And they would. There was no point in worrying about what the small minds in a small-town thought.

"Im not going to let the people talk about her like she's some moronic child." She told me, her voice gaining a dark edge.

"A clumsy fool who doesn't know how to use her own feet. Maybe some unlucky girl struck down by a stray dog?" She snapped. Her jaw clenching and posture stiffening.

"Bella wants-"

"I refuse to do nothing." She said firmly, getting up to leave.

I sighed and dropped onto the lounge. "What are you going to do Rose?"

"Nothing of great consequence" she said with a shrug, opening the door and looking back over her shoulder to me. Her smug smile leaving me curious.

"Not to us anyway"