Bella pulled into her driveway and got out of her car. She took several deep breaths, trying to organize her thoughts. She felt weak as she opened the back door and went inside. She knew what she had to do.
First things first, get all the food out of the house. She methodically emptied the cabinets and refrigerator of all the food she kept around.
She carried a giant trash bag out to the garbage. Don't think Bella, clear the checklist. She repeated this mantra to herself over and over. If she stood still for too long, the look on Edward's face when she screamed at him floated to the surface and made her stomach churn. This is for the best. He deserves a chance at life. Bev and Jimmy will forgive you. Edward will move on. These phrases kept her going.
She went to the bathroom, gathered all her toiletries, and carried those to the bedroom, dumping them on her bed. She went to the closet and pulled clothes off the hangers, sending them flying around the tiny space. She started two piles on the floor, clothes to keep and things to toss. She knelt down and gave her shoes the same treatment as her clothes. When the closet was empty, she shut the door.
She walked over to her dresser to empty it and her eyes landed on a collection of photos she had framed. Bella and Beverly last Halloween, when they took her boys trick or treating, Bev and Bella were witches, and the boys were dressed like mummies. It had been such a fun night.
There was a photo of her and Jimmy that was taken right after she started working at Thelma's. Bella with a big smile, and Jimmy, frowning, of course, holding a hamburger flipper.
One of Bella's favorites was one she had taken. Bev and the boys were on their way to the best swimming hole in Forks. Bella laughed at Beverly's head-to-toe swimsuit. The girl was so pale she made Bella feel normal. The boys looked cute in their swim trunks and arm floaties. She would miss those wild boys, too.
The last photo on the lineup Bella picked up to have a closer look. It was the last Christmas she had with Thelma. The two of them are standing in front of a lit Christmas tree. She missed Thelma so much. Bella wished with her whole heart that she could talk to her right now.
She sat down on her bed with that Christmas photo in her hand. "What should I do, Thelma? I am terrified of killing him, but I am also terrified of being without him." Bella's chest tightened. She longed to hear her voice. Thelma would know how to fix this whole mess.
Then, three little drops fell on the glass. "Oh my God," Bella said out loud. She sat the picture in her lap and wiped her eyes. It was tears. She had not been able to cry since she turned eight years ago. It was almost a relief until she realized they weren't real. They were venom.
She stood up and chucked the frame at the mirror above her dresser, shattering it into a million glittery pieces. "FUCK!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. One more painful reminder of how inhuman she was. One more reminder of why she had to leave. No one was safe. She learned her lesson. She would go back to the way life was before. Stay in a town for a few weeks, make some cash, stay fed, and move on before anyone knew her name. During her time in Forks, she had been foolish. She let herself get comfortable. She let people get too close. She trusted herself too much. Lesson learned. She knew what she was. A blood-sucking monster, and she deserved to be alone.
Bella got up and tossed all the clothes, toiletries, and photos into two big suitcases. She had to sit on them to get them to close. She then dragged them off the bed and pulled them out to her car, loaded them in the trunk, and got in the front seat. She took one final moment to say goodbye before she left town.
As she drove, the memories replayed in her mind like a movie. She was so lost in thought that she didn't realize she was out of town until she saw the sign. Thanks for Visiting Forks. We hope you come back soon! She slammed on her brakes and pulled the car over. Her chest heaved as she struggled to get air into her lungs. Her vision was blurry, her entire body trembled, and her stomach pitched and turned. "Breathe, Bella," she panted out loud to herself. "It will pass. Just breathe"
It felt like an eternity before she could catch her breath. As she sat there recovering, she was hit with guilt and shame. Leaving without saying goodbye was a coward's way out. She still had to go, there was no question about that, but for the first time since she turned, there were people that loved her. And she loved them back. They all deserved some kind of explanation and a goodbye. Knowing what she had to do, she turned her car around and drove back into town.
Once home, she found the documents she needed to take to Jimmy. Then she sat down and wrote a letter to Edward. It felt a little weak-willed not to face him, but one look into his soft green eyes and she would break. A letter was the best way to go.
A little after seven, she left her house and headed to Beverly's. She stopped at Dude's Donuts to get the boys some breakfast and a cup of coffee for Beverly.
Twenty minutes later, Bella had caffeine and sugar in hand and stood on Beverly's front porch. Beverly opened the door before Bella could knock. Beverly had her head turned over her shoulder as she yelled, "Boys, if you do not get your shoes on, so help me, I will…AHH" Beverly screeched, not expecting to see someone standing at her front door. She put her hand on her chest, "Bella, you scared the shit out of me! What are you doing here?"
"I brought breakfast. Can we talk?" Bella asked as she handed Beverly the donut box and coffee. The look on Bella's face sent alarm bells off in Beverly's head. Something was very wrong.
"Of course, let me get the heathens on the bus." Beverly gave Bella a weak smile. Bella took a seat on Beverly's front porch steps as Beverly gave each boy a napkin and donut as they ran out the door to catch the bus.
Beverly sat down next to Bella and gave her shoulder a nudge with her own. "Spill it," Beverly said, offering Bella a donut.
"I ate three on my way over," Bella said. "So Bev, I'm leaving. Something happened last night, and I can't be in the same town as Edward."
"What! What did he do? I swear I will kick his ass Bella and not think twice! No one hurts my best friend and walks away." Beverly said harshly.
"Whoa, calm down. He didn't do anything wrong. It was me. I screwed up, and he will end up paying the price, and I cannot live with that. Bev, this is so hard for me. Know that I am not making this decision lightly. I love you and the boys, and I know that leaving hurts you too. But, I-I can't be here." Bella's words caught in her throat. This was the most painful thing she had ever had to do. Look her best friend in the face and tell her she was leaving because she liked a boy and couldn't be with him. How would Bev ever forgive her?
"Where are you going to go?" Beverly asked slowly.
"I don't know," Bella said, her eyes locked on her shoes.
"When you get there, will you send me a postcard?" Beverly asked hopefully.
Bella just shook her head. "No, I can't. He can never know where I am." Beverly sat silent for another moment as reality started to sink in. Bella was the best friend that she had ever had. Bella was the one person who had always had her back, no matter what, and she was leaving over a guy. "I wish you had never met him," Beverly whispered.
"Me too, Bev." Bella lied.
Beverly then started bawling and threw her arms around Bella. "I love you, you know that, right? You are my best friend. Don't leave. I need you. The boys need you. I beg you, please don't do this." Beverly sobbed on Bella's shoulder.
Bella ran her hands through Beverly's hair and softly kissed the top of her head. "I love you too, Bev, but I have to. I know you don't understand, and maybe someday I can tell you everything, but you have to trust me that this is the only way."
"When are you leaving?" Beverly sniffled.
"Soon, I need to go talk to Jimmy, but my plan is to be gone this time tomorrow." Bella was silent for a moment. She took a deep breath and said, "Bev, I know I have no right to ask, but I need a favor."
"Anything," Beverly replied, her watery eyes meeting Bella's.
Bella pulled a letter from her back pocket, "I need you to give this to Edward. This is not his fault. Do not hate him, alright, hate me."
Beverly shook her head, and her voice wavered as she said, "I could never hate you." Then Beverly dissolved into body-wracking sobs. Bella stood up, feeling awful to leave her best friend bawling on her front steps, but she needed to talk to Jimmy.
Bella leaned down and kissed the top of Beverly's head one more time, "I will miss you so much, and I love you with all my heart, Bev. Tell the boys I love them too." Bella turned around before she could change her mind, got in her car, and drove away.
She knocked on Jimmy's door. She knew he would be sleeping, but this was too important to wait.
When he came to the door, he was surprised to see her.
"Good morning, Jimmy. I need to talk to you. It's important. Can I come in for a minute?"
"Sure," Jimmy said, stepping back to let Bella inside his apartment. "You look a little freaked out. What happened?"
"I made a huge mistake with Edward last night, and I can't risk it happening again." Bella pulled the second envelope out of her pocket and handed it to Jimmy, "I never thought this would happen, but it has. I'm leaving Forks. I can't tell you any more than that." She pointed to the envelope in Jimmy's hands because she could not look him in the face. It would break her. "This is the deed to my house. It's yours, along with everything in it. It's paid off, so you can live in it or sell it. I don't care. The keys are there, too. I need a couple of days, though. Can you give me until Saturday? I plan to be gone by tomorrow, but you know how things go, and I need some time." She rambled.
"Bella, take all the time you need. If you need a break, take one, but don't give away your house and all your shit. Everything will be here when you come back. I will see to the house, but it's yours."
Bella looked up at Jimmy. There were tears in his eyes. "I am not coming back, Jimmy, I can't." Her voice warbled. "I can't." Bella walked toward the door.
Jimmy was too stunned to speak; he would talk with Beverly tonight and hopefully Edward to find out what had happened.
"Goodbye, Jimmy." She said as she shut the door behind her.
A little after six that evening, Edward came into Thelma's. "Hey, Bev, where's Bella?" Bev turned to face him. Her eyes were red and puffy. Her nose was stuffy and runny. "Should you be working tonight? You look a little under the weather." He commented as he sat down. If Beverly was sick, there is no way Bella would let her work by herself.
'"I'm not sick, Edward." She handed him his new usual, Coke with lots of ice. "What are you doing here so early?" She sniffled.
"Power is still out at the factory. I need to talk to Bella. Something happened last night. I went by her house, and she wasn't there. I figured she had to be here."
"Bella isn't here." Beverly's voice broke. Tears began streaming down her face.
"What happened, Bev?" Edward jumped off his stool, worry laced his voice.
Beverly just shook her head and handed Edward an envelope. "She wanted me to give this to you. I haven't read it, but I think you need to read it alone."
Edward pushed his stool in and told Beverly he might be back. He tossed a few dollars on the bar to cover his Coke and headed to the park to read. Once he was settled on a bench the farthest away from people, he pulled the letter out.
Dear Edward,
I am so sorry for last night. You did nothing wrong. It was all me. I do not want you to feel embarrassed or ashamed of anything. I wanted you to kiss me. I wanted you to kiss me more than I have ever wanted anything. And that want, that need, is why I have to leave.
You have brought me joy and shown me love and acceptance like no other person ever has. You brought out the best in me by simply being you. You are a wonderful, kind soul. Edward, I love you with my whole being, and that is what makes this so hard, but the love I have for you cannot change the fact that you are in danger. I will ruin your life in ways you cannot imagine. I can't have you in harm's way just because I am selfish and do not want to let you go. You deserve better. You deserve someone who can touch you, kiss you, and love you in all the ways you should be loved. I wish with every part of my being I could be that person, but I can't.
I am leaving Forks so you can live your life. I'm not sure where I will end up, but Edward, please, please forget you ever knew me. Nothing would make me happier than to know you have moved on and found someone worthy of your love and goodness.
I have not told Bev or Jimmy where I am going, so please do not be mad at them or think they are lying to you when they can't tell you.
I know I should have had the guts to say all of this in person, but it's too hard. One look at you, and I would break. I need you to trust this is for the best, Edward.
You will always be in my heart,
Bella
The letter dropped from his hands. She was gone. The one good thing in his life was gone.