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Dreamer

"Welcome home to Alterra. Permission to land will be granted once you have settled your outstanding balance of one trillion credits."

Fury masked his expression and he could have screamed. After all of this, after everything he'd lost, this was how he was finally greeted? Really? Damn them! Damn them all to hell! As if he wasn't traumatized enough. He genuinely considered going right back, stories to tell be damned, but then realized he wouldn't be able to make it. This rocket wasn't exactly meant for long-range travel. What did he do now? Agitated, he pulled up his PDA and began firing off messages in an attempt to barter for landing. It took bowing and scraping, a promise of all the information he could possibly share, a vow of what basically amounted to indentured servitude for the rest of his life if the info wasn't enough, and a guarantee of joining Alterra either way, before they at last let him land. The next few weeks were spent info dumping everything he possibly could to his Alterran overlords and repeating the same painful, agonizing tale over and over in sign language and writing when the signing wasn't understood. FYI, it usually wasn't. Why waste resources learning something as simple as that, after all, when no person with a disability so great would ever be able to hold any sort of respectable position ever? Note the sarcasm.

Alterra wasn't interested in his saving the planet. They were only interested in the fates of the Aurora, Sunbeam, and Degasi. They didn't even care to hear much about the lost crews beyond the fact they were dead, and Ryley hated them for it with a burning passion. Hatred couldn't begin to describe what he felt when they announced that within the next year or two they would be sending a research party out to 4546B. They offered him a place with it. He, in so many signs, told them to shove it up theirs and stormed away furious. They wouldn't even be notifying the families of the MIAs. They wouldn't even be admitting Aurora had gone down! Not for as long as they could help it at least, and his brain was so fried with loathing that he didn't even know what to think of that anymore, or any of this. He did the only thing he could. He went home to some dinky, bare apartment they rented out to people like him with 'debilitating' conditions, and that was that. Or so he thought. It wasn't long after, though, that the dreams began…

Subnautica

They started out ordinary enough. Memories of his time on the Aurora and of his friends and crewmates. Memories of the good times and the bad. Those dreams almost broke him each time he woke up, because when he did, it was only to the memory that they were gone. He'd never see them again. All that was left were the voicelogs and distress signals. Alterra had confiscated his PDA, but he'd managed to download those at the very least onto a device of his own. He hadn't been willing to part with them. He didn't want to forget their voices. He had a few pictures, so forgetting faces wasn't going to be a thing that happened, but voices… Those were a little harder. He was pretty sure he'd always remember how they sounded, but he'd wanted to be extra certain. He loved the nights. In the night he could pretend everything was okay. In the nights they were alive and he was with them and everything was good.

The ordinary dreams, though, soon became something else. Images of 4546B, echoes of the distress calls, visions of the warpers tearing through metal and of screams… He woke up with a jolt in a cold sweat after those. The more frequent they became, the more he dreaded the night. No longer did it feel safe or peaceful. Now he couldn't predict where his dreams would bring him—whether they'd be pleasant, comforting ones, or terrifying nightmares that felt like he was looking through the eyes of his deceased companions in their last moments.

A ball of fire and two women screaming as they were thrown back by the explosion and out into the ocean, skin burning. A reaper closing in on someone just outside the Aurora. Stalkers circling with hungry eyes. A Ghost Leviathan barrelling down at them. A Reaper's mandibles piercing someone through. Bonesharks closing in. Green pustules on quivering hands. An ocean coming up to meet him. A horrifying creature rising up from the deep and clamping down on a doomed ship… Again the warpers. Always the warpers. Those vicious, merciless, killing machines that stopped at nothing and gave no chances. Gods he hated those nightmares…

"We are still here."

A voice reaching up from the depths of his consciousness, piercing through the dark dreams and bringing a sense of familiarity and calm. He knew that voice. Khasar.

"We are still alive."

"In my memories maybe," he replied. In dreams he could speak just fine. He saw a figure watching him through a rippling effect not unlike the one the Sea Emperor had used. The figure was shrouded in darkness, but soon became clearer, if still blurred by the ripples. It didn't speak again. Just faded away. He wished its words were true and woke up feeling hollow. That sort of dream didn't stop there, though. Instead, it started going on night after night.

"We are still here. We are alive."

"You'll never know how much I wish that was true."

The image faded away and left him feeling so alone.

"You need to listen to me. I am alive. We are alive!"

"Stop it. Whatever sick game my brain is trying to play, I'm not here for it."

The image vanishing again. He hated that his mind couldn't make it stay and put him back into the dream state where everything was okay.

"Is it really so hard to believe?"

He'd lost count of how often this happened at this point. This time, though, he entertained the specter. After all, it was probably his brain just trying to come to terms with the fact he hadn't been able to find them.

"What? That somehow you survived an impact with the ocean at terminal velocity? That Wilson and her passenger survived a point-blank explosion? That any of you got away from the warpers? Yeah. It is. In fact, it's outright impossible. I heard their messages. I know they caught you. All of you. I'm sorry, alright?! I'm sorry I couldn't make it in time! I'm sorry I couldn't find you! Stop torturing me with this, brain, just stop!"

"There are forces at play here more powerful than you know."

"Take your religion crap and shove it, Khasar!"

"Because you are upset, I am going to let that slide."

Khasar's rippling visage moved towards him, and that was jolting because it had never happened before. Ryley's breathing sped up, tears threatening his eyes. He missed them so f-ing much. The figure reached out, gently taking his shoulders.

"Ryley, this goes beyond religion and science. It is a culmination. A marriage of the two. It is so much more than you realize."

"Take your Deus Ex Machina and shove it!" he shouted, pulling away from the man.

A disappointed shake of the head made him wince hard in dream, and the figure dissipated. Now, though, he was starting to get a bit unnerved. Was something out there trying to draw him back? Had there been some creature he missed on the planet that had that kind of power? The mesmers had been something else. Something so wholly terrifying. The way they manipulated the mind, the way they manipulated even the tech… It had been a living nightmare. The thought that there might be something more powerful still out there—a bigger and more dangerous version of them perhaps—was horrifying. Even more twisted was how it was playing on his weaknesses to try and draw him back. A part of him almost wanted to return just so he could try and take it out before it lured anyone else in. Not like he had anything going for him here, after all. Might as well die on the planet that had taken everything else from him. He mentally kicked himself for that thought and got up to face the day.

Subnautica

He was in the void. Why was he in the void? The void wasn't where he wanted to be! He needed to get out! He wasn't supposed to be here! He couldn't be here! He began swimming but didn't know which way to go. The eerie shrieks of the ghosts echoed out all around him, but he couldn't see. The echo of something larger rang out from down below. He just kept swimming and swimming and swimming until he seemed to fall through something and was dry suddenly? He looked around, mortified. An architect base? What was he doing here? How had he gotten here? He saw a figure perched on a ledge above him, watching. His heart rate began to even out. Jochi. It was just a dream. It was just a flipping dream.

"I'm going insane," Ryley said in a strained voice.

"What's insane is dreaming of a man telling you he is still alive, and not being the slightest bit inclined to go investigate," Khasar replied.

Ryley stared blankly at him. Suddenly he felt immensely uncomfortable. Cautiously he stood up. "You're dead. You're all dead. I know you're dead."

Khasar shook his head. "This goes beyond religion and science."

"What are you? What do you want from me?"

"I want you to know that not all hope is lost. I want you to know your wishes were more than wishes. I want you to stop blaming yourself for being too late, because there is nothing you could have done. None of this was your fault."

"Whatever you are that's plaguing my mind with these lures, if I go back there, I won't be going back just to become your prey. I'll kill you. I'll find a way. I'll kill you or die trying."

"There is no predator waiting for you here, Ryley. Only us. We are still here. We are still alive on this planet you called Poseidon. Believe that and be comforted by it." A horrifying roar sounded out in the distance. Khasar turned his head towards some unseen door or viewing window. He looked back. "I must go now. Live a long and peaceful life, my friend, free of all this guilt you have put upon yourself where there need be none. I wish only the best for you. Consider moving to the Mongolian Independent States if Alterra becomes too much for you to bear. Start a new life there. Mention you were a friend of mine and you will be treated accordingly, of that I can assure you. Goodbye."

"What was that roar? Are you in danger?" he asked before he could stop himself, stepping towards the image. He kicked himself right after. This was a lure, right? Nothing more. Just a lure.

Khasar smiled ever so slightly. "There will always be danger here. It is a matter of learning to live with it. Do not fear for us. However short or long of lives we live, at least we lived them. May you do the same."

Ryley's breathing was rapid and tight now. The dream—was it a dream?—began to fade away and suddenly he desperately didn't want it to go. No matter how hard he tried to keep it with him, though, he couldn't. Soon he was alone again in the dark, and soon even that faded.

He opened his eyes, tears pricking them, and sniffed, sitting up and staring down at his blanket. Narrowing his eyes, he lifted his head to look at the picture of him and his friends aboard the Aurora. He set his jaw tightly then threw off the blankets and got up. He had business to attend to. He'd go to Alterra. He'd ask if their offer to join the research expedition was still open. He'd probably have to bargain again, but he'd be approved one way or another, and if Alterra didn't give in, maybe the Mongolian Independent States would for Khasar's sake. Then, once they were in orbit of the planet, he would break away from the expedition to learn the truth. He wanted answers, that was all he wanted. There was nothing for him here in Alterra anyway. He just needed to know, and if he died trying to figure it out, he died. Either he went back and found the source of these sadistic lures, or he discovered not all dreams were just dreams. He wasn't sure which idea terrified him more…

End

"Or is it a beginning? What is a beginning?"

A/N: So a few notes. I wrote this as something of a companion piece for a larger work I'm doing. Something that takes place pre-crash. As for this one, I'm not sure whether I'll expand it or not. If I do, I probably won't do so until my other work is fully posted. Might even expand it in a new story altogether. Or maybe I should post my other work as part of this one and continue on from there? Then again, that would make the story pretty darn long. Let me know what you all think.

Regarding the epitaph's, I left one as 'Unidentified' because I have a couple of ideas for that. Either Hollister will have escaped Aurora last minute or even post-crash (same voice actor so works), or it'll be a completely unrelated crew member. Not sure which route I'll be taking with that, but please give me your thoughts on it.

Regarding some ambiguous wording in Sunbeam parts, I'm mulling around in my head whether to incorporate parts of the 'Return of the Ancients' alternate questline (an upcoming mod for those who don't know) into this or not. If I do, likely some of this first part will change around and maybe even expand. Again, I'm open to readers' thoughts on that.

I hope you enjoyed. For those who have the time, feedback and ideas are much appreciated.