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Chapter One hundred fifty-four

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Comparisons and Insecurities

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While Nathan was at Depot and Lee Coulter was meeting his brother-in-law on Thursday morning, Grace again offered to watch Jack and Patrick to allow Elizabeth and Rosemary to visit the dress shop so Rosemary could be fitted for her matron-of-honor dress. The ladies arrived to find a thrilled proprietress, ready to show off her tailoring skills on Rosemary's dress.

"Oh, Elizabeth, this is stunning," Rosemary turned to see her reflection in the mirrors, "and the fit is superb. You say this color is champagne? Are you okay with all of us ladies wearing such a light color? Is it different enough from yours?"

"It is. Mine is a natural, off-white shade and yours is more golden. It looks lovely with your blonde tresses, Rosemary, and can't you picture it on Allie and Julie?"

Elizabeth's smile could not be contained as she turned to ask, "Madame Roche, I apologize that I only mentioned I would be bringing Mrs. Coulter for a fitting, but could you allow us to see my gown if it isn't too much trouble?"

"My dear, of course it is not too much trouble. Give us a few minutes, s'il vous plait?" The woman hurried towards an attendant requesting that she bring Mrs. Thornton's wedding gown from the back closet.

"Ah, merci beaucoup, Marie!" Before long, the gown was unwrapped from beneath a long fabric covering and revealed with sweeping gestures from Madame Roche. "Here we are, Mrs. Thornton, would you like to try it on? We have basted the alterations and next week will make our final stitches."

"Oh! I wasn't expecting to try it on, but yes, may I please?" Elizabeth blushed, eager to wear the dress again.

Remaining in her dress, Rosemary perused the nearby selections while the proprietress assisted Elizabeth with her gown. When she emerged from the dressing room, Rosemary caught her breath, "Oh Elizabeth!"

"Do you think Nathan will like this? Do I look okay?"

"Oh, my friend, that is absolutely perfect for you and, yes, Nathan is going to love this!"

Coming close, Rosemary examined the stitches and adjustments that formed the gown to fit her friend's slender figure. Approving, Rosemary moved to stand beside Elizabeth so they could study themselves in the surrounding mirrors.

"I can picture both the red and blue serge, and also their brass buttons, with these two colors and it is a lovely selection, Elizabeth. I heartily approve." Rosemary turned from the mirror, "Thank you! Merci, Madame Roche, for your fine work. I am so pleased!"

Madame Roche, unaware that the compliment came from a fellow seamstress, nevertheless blushed with pleasure, "It is easy to dress such lovely ladies, oui?"

"Thank you so much. I hesitate to remove my dress I am so happy, but may we look at a few other dresses while we are here?" Elizabeth hated to step out of her finery but now knowing the honeymoon plans she wanted to acquire another dress or two, and possibly a woolen suit.

"Of course! Marie, place robes in the Madame's dressing rooms, s'il vous plait? We can assist them and bring some suggestions."

For the next hour, Elizabeth tried on outfits and chose a formal dress in deep, dusty rose velvet for the upcoming honeymoon and a dark amethyst suit with a long jacket that extended to her knees. Along with the fashionable style, the lightweight wool would be versatile for brisk, spring days in addition to Sunday services, paired with either an embroidered or lacey blouse in white or pale lavender.

Rosemary chose a dress she could wear at the dinner when the Hope Valley friends arrived for the wedding weekend. Adding to the packages to be delivered to the hotel, Rosemary purchased a silky, sky blue negligée as a gift for her friend while the bride-to-be chose a lacey, white peignoir set sure to make her groom blush. They added a couple more pieces of lacey lingerie and purchased some silk stockings before expressing their gratitude to the shop owner and waving their farewells.

Hardly out of the door, Rosemary took her dear friend's arm and enthused, "Elizabeth, you have a splendid seamstress in Madame Roche. Her stitches were fine, even, and beautifully executed!"

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Hudson had offered to drive the ladies and their sons to pick up Nathan at Depot and bring all of them to the Cottage to await Lee's return. On Hudson's return trip he brought Carol back with him to share the afternoon and evening meal with the Thatchers at the Hotel.

Carol was missing Peter so while the Coulters were spending time with Nathan and Elizabeth, Grace made certain that Carol had some company. Along with telephone calls with Ruth Grant, the women were growing closer each day and knew they would have to find ways to visit with each other in the future, no matter in which city each one lived!

Deciding he didn't feel the need for a nap after lunch, Nathan joined the ladies watching the boys building forts as they reminisced about Hope Valley while awaiting Lee's return.

Rosemary kept glancing at the mantle clock as they approached mid-afternoon and was surprised when Allie arrived home before her husband. In spite of growing concern, Rosemary was grateful for the distraction and noise. Nevertheless every glance at the clock only showed another five minutes had passed since the last time she had checked.

Allie's entrance excited two little boys and, after hugs all around, the room was suddenly filled with laughter, squeals, teasing, and overlapping conversations.

Elizabeth retreated to the kitchen to prepare cups of tea, along with milk and cookies for the children, motioning for Rosemary to join her. "Rosemary, are you alright?"

Ready to answer, "Fine," Rosemary instead blurted out, "Wherever could he be? I am on pins and needles waiting and he hasn't even called!"

"I am sure he is fine. Lee is probably just making plans and, after a business lunch meeting, has lost track of time. If they signed the lease for the building, he may be inspecting and planning with your brother-in-law." As she poured the hot water into the teapot, Elizabeth noticed that Rosemary was wiping away tears. Quickly she covered the teapot, set the kettle back onto the burner, and wrapped her friend in a hug. "I'm sure he is fine. Is there something else, Rosemary?"

"We really want this move, Elizabeth," Rosemary whispered with emotion. "We decided this morning that we are going ahead with this venture, even if Stanley isn't involved, but I expected Lee to let me know what's happening." Sighing, she added, "I have no way to get in touch with him…"

"That's true for today, but living in a city is very different than Hope Valley. There we could just walk into town and find almost everyone at an office, the Mercantile, or the Café! This will be an adjustment for you both," Elizabeth released Rosemary from her hug, but kept her hands on Rosemary's shoulders. "May I suggest something?"

When Rosemary nodded, Elizabeth continued, "Nathan told me that his father always telephones his mother during his lunch break. It's their little way of showing each other that they care to be involved in each other's day. Evidently, when Mom's arthritis is particularly painful, she will sit beside the telephone and do her needlework so she can answer quickly and not waste a moment of Dad's lunchtime. Maybe Lee and you could make that a habit to emulate?"

"Maybe…"

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Interrupting their conversation, Lee's booming voice called out as he opened the front door, "It's happening! 'Coulter and Thom Fine Furniture' has a home and a business plan!" Glancing around, Lee didn't see his wife, "Where's my Rosie?"

Entering from the kitchen, Rosemary cried out, "Leeee…" as she rushed to meet him in the middle of the room. "I was so worried… are you alright? You are so late!"

Embracing each other, Lee lifted his wife off the floor and swung her around as he declared, "Rosie! Of course I am alright. More that alright! Everything is falling into place and I love you so much!"

"I love you too, Sweetheart, but I haven't heard from you all day and…"

Noticing her tear-filled eyes, Lee set her down and proceeded to kiss his wife with brief staccato kisses interspersed with questions and assurances, "Why are you crying? I hope those are tears of joy! It's official, sweet Rosie! We're moving to Regina!"

Having retrieved an extra cup and saucer, Elizabeth carried a tray filled with refreshments and set it before Nathan before resuming her seat beside him, where together they smiled and watched their friends.

"Daddy?" A trembling little voice cried out, "What about me? If you move, what about me? Where will I live?" Patrick tugged on Lee's pant leg.

Immediately releasing their embrace. both parents knelt as Lee wrapped his son in his arms, "Oh Patrick! We will all move together! You, and Mommy, and me... We are a family, so we always stay together. We would never leave you behind, my boy."

"Sweet boy!" Rosemary now let her tears fall in earnest, "Don't cry Patrick! Daddy and I will never leave you… Don't cry…"

Now blubbering, Patrick responded, "But you are crying, Mommy…"

"I am, dear boy, but mine are tears of joy, of happiness! We are moving soon and will be near Jack and his Mommy and Daddy and Allie. That's really good news!"

"I guess so…" Needing more reassurance, Patrick first looked into Rosemary's face, then into Lee's, "We really stay together?"

While this conversation transpired before them, Nathan and Elizabeth snuggled close on the sofa and opened arms for Allie to join them. Squeezing in on her father's left side, Allie carefully avoided the sling, as Jack climbed up onto Nathan's lap and leaned against his good shoulder.

When the conversations stilled, Nathan spoke quietly, "Congratulations, Lee, Rosemary, and Patrick too," winking at the young boy who was still held in his parents' arms. "We look forward to hearing all about it!"

Standing as one, the Coulters moved to the armchair beside the fireplace where Lee sat, with Rosemary on his lap and Patrick on hers.

"Ooaff!" exclaimed Lee, not daring to complain, "Let me catch my breath here."

In an attempt to rescue Lee, Nathan offered, "Boys? Would you like your snack? You may sit here in front of the coffee table."

"Yes, Jack, Patrick, let's sit together for our milk 'n' cookies, okay?" Allie extracted herself from the sofa and reached for Jack's hand, then Patrick's, "these molasses cookies look delicious!"

Easily deterred as Elizabeth placed a cookie on each napkin, Jack and Patrick nodded their heads and began to munch one of their favorites.

Once settled with steaming cups of tea, Lee began to share, "I met Stan at the train station and we went for coffee and a pastry to the Victoria, taking a window seat and discussing the merits of the building. When it was time to meet the estate agent, we got a thorough tour, during which we asked numerous questions. There are two occupied apartments on each of the second and third floors, and a photography studio. However the agent was able to allow us to see them this time, and meet the second floor tenant and the photographer. They both seem happy to remain and at least fulfill their leases, so that allows us some income while we build up the business."

Nathan spoke up, "Is there an elevator… and what about delivery platforms?"

"Good questions and yes to both. There is a narrow elevator near the tenants' entrance and a larger service elevator in the back corner of the woodshop. Also, an access road serves the back entrances of all the buildings, along with a parking lot behind ours and a few others on the main street."

"However, the estate agent had another building for us to see before making our decision. That possibility was less costly, had more square footage and had easier access as it is a corner property, but it is located further down another side street. We toured that possibility and met to discuss the positives and negatives when we came up with some additional questions for the first property. Returning to re-examine that option, Stan and I briefly discussed it to be certain we were agreed and decided on our first choice. I believe the proximity, only the depth of one building from the Main Street shopping, in addition to foot traffic to and from the Victoria Café, convinced us that it will be the future home of 'Coulter and Thom Fine Furniture.' While the agent's secretary prepared the documents, we lunched at the Café and reconvened to sign the papers."

Lee's voice was as gleeful as a child's, "The building is ours!"

"What took you so long to return here though?" Rosemary still had a tinge of rebuke in her voice.

"Oh, right. The Estate Agent gave us the contact information for a builder who might accomplish some needed renovations and we scheduled to meet him at half-past-two. He had some great ideas to extend the workshop area walls up to the ceiling, allowing us to contain sawdust and sanding debris from encroaching on the finished furniture showroom. He also recommended glass windows on the two interior walls, so there are clear views from the back office and the workshop. He was impressed with our vision and, although he had never heard of this type of combination business, he promised to bring his wife and be one of our first customers. I will meet him in the morning to collect his renovation estimate."

Lee continued excitedly, "An hour later we met with a sign-maker. On the spot he designed a lovely, classic sign for the front of the building and also suggested a sign attached to the corner closest to Main Street so it extends over the sidewalk and passersby can see there is a business there. He suggested we can light and decorate that sign for the seasons to help attract attention. So, Rosie, we have a job for you to do if you are willing?"

"Oh, Leeee…I would love to."

And, with that inclusion in the project, the edge in Rosemary's voice disappeared as another round of staccato kisses ensued.

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During dinner, Elizabeth introduced her offer knowing that the relocation was actually happening. "Rosemary? Lee? I have a suggestion for you. I've spoken to my parents and they agree. You will stay in one of the extra hotel rooms until I depart for our honeymoon and Julie leaves for Hamilton, then you are free to move into my apartment for as long as you need it so you can take your time getting the business up and running without any pressure to find a home. Since the apartment is furnished, I wondered it you might be able to store your belongings in the furniture building until you find a place to settle? What do you think?"

With a gasp, Lee replied first, "Elizabeth! That is most generous and will be ideal. Don't you agree, Rosie?"

"I do. That is a lovely offer, Elizabeth. Lee was going to meet the Estate Agent again tomorrow to investigate some residences available for rental, but this would mean we know where we will live and need not be distracted during the wedding weekend."

"Darling, are you in agreement?" Lee grasped his wife's hand, "We'll accept this offer?"

"Yes, lets. Thank you, Elizabeth. What a blessing…oh but who will be caring for Jack and Allie while you are away? Do you want us to keep them?"

"The plan is for them to stay with my parents, since Jack is used to their place. Allie has agreed to move into their apartment during our honeymoon and then we will all settle into the main house upon our return. You know, if you could keep Jack with Patrick overnight, that would mean Allie would have her own room at Mother and Father's. Would you mind?"

"Not at all. These boys are the best of friends and entertain each other, so it would be easy to care for them together. I'm guessing Lee will have his hands full at the store so I'll stay busy being a mom in the apartment. We'll bake cookies and work on some art and… well, the boys and I will have a grand time, right?" Rosemary wasn't sure how much the boys had understood during the housing conversation, but knew they had grasped her comments about their friendship and baking cookies!

"But Mommy, I'll still be with Allie, right? She's my new sister," Jack declared as if this was news to everyone.

Allie spoke up, "We will sleep in different bedrooms, but we'll still be together, Jack. Just like now, I will be at school during the days, but we'll have dinner together and play in the evenings. Maybe I can read a story to you each night? That will be fun, right?"

"Yes! Can Patrick listen too?"

"I am sure he can, if his parents don't mind. We'll have fun and we'll have stories to tell Daddy and Mommy when they get back from their trip!"

"Yay!"

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Just as Elizabeth was serving dessert, the telephone rang. As Allie didn't have pillows to adjust in order to stand, Nathan nodded for her to answer the telephone first.

"Hello, Grant residence."

"Allie, Sweetheart, it's Grandma and Grandpa. How are you and how is your Dad?"

Excitedly she responded, "Grandma! Grandpa! Hello! I am fine and Dad is getting better every day. Do you want to talk to him? Aunt Rosemary and Uncle Lee are here and we are just having dessert, but I can get him for you."

"Yes, please, if he is available?"

"Good evening, Mom, Dad! Good to hear from you, but is everything okay?"

Chuckling Archie answered, "Isn't that what parents are supposed to ask their children? We are fine, but wanted to check on you and your shoulder."

Ruth Grant interjected, "We don't want to interrupt your dinner, Nathan, but can you at least tell us how you are feeling?"

"As Allie said, I am improving every day. Wes has given me daily exercises so they can be uncomfortable, but I do see improvement. I returned to Depot for half a day yesterday, today, and tomorrow, then back to normal days on Monday."

"And how are you sleeping?"

"Better than in the beginning. Once I find a comfortable position I can sleep for a few hours, then have to move and relocate the pillows so I can sleep again. Today was the first day in a while that I didn't need an afternoon nap so that is progress."

Nathan redirected the conversation to check on his parents, "Tell me, how are both of you? Are you staying warm?"

"Mercy, yes. This little place easily stays warm and when needed we have plenty of your mother's knitted creations to add layers! We are well, but missing you terribly." Archie inquired, "How long are Lee and Rosemary visiting?"

"They are here until Saturday morning. It has been great to see them and catch up with things. Listen, are you working Saturday, Dad? Could I call you later in the afternoon? We'll have more time to talk then."

"Of course, I'll be home by two o'clock," Archie agreed. "It's just good to hear your voice, Son. Please greet the Coulters for us?"

"Yes, Honey," Ruth admonished, "take care of yourself and give our love to the family and the Coulters, okay?"

"Sure Mom. Good to hear from you and I'll call Saturday afternoon. Love you," added Nathan.

"We love you more, Nathan, my boy. Talk to you in a few days."

"Will do. Good night."

"Good night, Son."

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"I hope you don't mind, Honey, we went ahead and began dessert," Elizabeth explained as Nathan got settled at the dinner table once more.

"That's fine. Mom and Dad send their love to you, Honey, Allie and Jack, and send greetings to you folks too. I will fill them in on happenings when we chat after you depart on Saturday," Nathan paused, "they sound like they are lonely and miss us so I want to have a longer call."

At that moment and with those words an idea was birthed in Leland Coulter and he became anxious to return to the hotel.

As dessert and cleanup concluded, Lee thanked Elizabeth and Nathan for the delicious meal and mentioned he had some telephone calls to make and plans to firm up before tomorrow, "I am sorry to have to depart earlier this evening, but I hate to separate the two of you. If we headed back to the hotel now, do you think that Hudson could pick you up later, Elizabeth? Should I call and ask?"

"No, Lee. Let me give him a call. He will be bringing Carol back so I can see what I can arrange." As Elizabeth wiped her hands on her apron, she made a request, "Would you mind taking Jack home and getting him in bed? That would give Nathan and me some time to converse?"

When Rosemary agreed that it was no problem, Elizabeth made a call to Hudson.

After making arrangements and determining a time for Hudson to bring Carol and pickup Elizabeth, the Coulters and Jack donned their outer garments, wrapped themselves in scarves and gloves and said their goodnights.

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"I have some reading to complete, Dad. Miss Bess, will you let me know before you leave?"

"Of course, we will," her father responded. "Get the schoolwork done and I'm sorry our visitors have interrupted your schedule."

"Oh no, I love having everyone here. I just need an hour or two to keep caught up. I'll see you later," Allie placed a kiss on her parents' cheeks and disappeared.

Calling after her, Elizabeth asked, "Allie, Honey. Do you want some hot tea to warm you?"

"No thanks, I'm okay. Enjoy your chat!" Allie could be heard giggling as she closed her door behind her.

"Well, our chaperone is occupied and we have some time for just the two if us!" Elizabeth grinned as she and Nathan settled on the sofa, "whatever will we do?"

Nathan had added a log to the fireplace, then sat and reached to spread a blanket over them to ward off the chilly air that had entered through the open door. He chuckled as he placed his arm around Elizabeth's shoulders and drew her close, "I can think of one thing…" He wiggled his eyebrows as his eyes twinkled and he bent to have his second dessert, tasting lemony goodness on his fiancée's lips.

Taking their time, they savored the taste and feel of each other as the tingling sensations from their sweet kiss became more intense. Elizabeth pulled on the back of Nathan's neck as they pressed into each other, expressing their love and deep longing.

Suddenly Nathan pulled back from Elizabeth, gulping in air as an odd expression settled on his face. He shifted to put distance between them, leaning forward and placing his head in his hands.

Confused at this sudden loss of his warmth and their intimate kiss, she asked quietly, "Nathan? What's wrong?" Laying her hand on his back, she whispered, "What is it?"

After a long silence, she repeated, "Nathan?"

Hardly loud enough to hear, Nathan spoke in low tones, "I… I have nothing to compare them with…"

More confused than ever, Elizabeth gently questioned, "Compare? Compare what with what? Please tell me, Honey?"

"Our kisses…" His voice was so low she hardly heard his response. "I never…"

"I don't understand, Honey…"

"Am I even doing it right?" His voice sounded husky and tortured.

"You mean are you kissing me right?"

When Nathan nodded, she leaned her head against his back, wrapping her arms around his torso. "Nathan, my Love, your kisses are incomparable, matchless, wonderful, memorable, full…" She paused, "infused with love and longing… You touch the depths of my soul when you kiss me and I know, beyond a doubt, that you truly love me."

Nathan ran his hand through his hair, yet remained silent.

"I adore your kisses, my Love." Squeezing him tighter, Elizabeth questioned, "Nathan?"

His voice raspy and trembling, he answered with a hesitant question, "What?"

"Please look at me, Honey?" she loosened her hold to allow him to lean back, yet kept her arm around his chest. She whispered, "Why are you suddenly worried about our kisses? What brought this on?"

It took some moments, but Nathan eventually leaned back and turned to face her, blushing.

"Lee and Rosemary…" Although facing her, he averted his eyes.

"Lee and Rosemary?" Her soft voice belied her incredulity.

"Yes. I watched them earlier." Tongue loosed, Nathan now confessed his worries, "They whispered endearments, but their lips barely touched before quickly moving away and back again. Am I doing it wrong? Should our kisses be so intense? Should we be kissing less or hold back more? Should I not be enjoying you so much?" Nathan shook his head, reiterating, "I'm new to this…Lizbeth. Am I doing it wrong?"

Tears filled her eyes as Elizabeth responded to this sensitive, caring man, "The way someone else kisses is not important to us. We are finding our own way, Honey, and I for one cherish our kisses. Are you worried that I might compare you with another couple, or another man?"

"Well, you have experience and I do not. I have little to go on except for my parents."

"Mom and Dad? What do you mean? How did your parents kiss?"

"A lot like we do. I saw them once when I was growing up and Dad was home, and I can only describe it as passionate. Their kisses, their connection was long and intense and… I don't know. It was as though their kisses took their breath away and they had to pause and recover before they could return to whatever they had been discussing or doing. That's how I thought we should kiss,but now I wonder… Am I wrong?" Nathan inhaled quickly, then added, "I mean Lee and Rosem…"

Placing her finger on Nathan's lips, Elizabeth tried to quiet his anxious thoughts while softly tracing the outline of his lips. "Shhh… We are you and me, together. We are expressing our love, not anyone else's. To me, your kisses, our kisses are perfect."

"See?" He took hold of her hand, removing her fingers from his lips as he confessed, "Even that makes me long for you, Lizabeth. Now I wonder, should we stop kissing and…"

"No, Honey. We should not stop. We both pull back when we find we need to calm ourselves and breathe. We know our limits and our convictions and we are keeping them. I believe your parents' kisses were a beautiful example of married love and I'm glad you saw them. Our time will come, my Love. Our time will come, but for now I wouldn't change a thing."

Elizabeth moved her hand to caress his cheek, wondering at the vulnerability of this strong, brave, yet gentle and loving man she adored so much. Her mind wandered briefly and she realized maybe now would be the time she should share her own uncertainty and fear.

Her voice low and hesitant, she opened her heart to this dear man she loved, admitting, "I understand your anxiety, Nathan."

Doubting the truth of her statement, Nathan nevertheless waited.

"I worry about our intimacy… about you seeing me… I am not as youthful as I once was." Her eyes glistening she continued, "I've carried a child. I've nursed a child. I'm older and… I don't look like I used to…" She ducked her head in embarrassment.

Nathan's response was immediate, "Lizbeth, you are beautiful to me. I've seen parts of women's bodies and even assisted with childbirth, but I have never thought about them nor compared them to you. Actually, I try not to think about you, you know your form and all..." Nathan chuckled softly, "That came out wrong. What I mean is that I will have nothing to compare you too, Lizbeth, so you are and will be beautiful and desirous to me."

His voice low and filled with emotion, he added, "Sometimes it takes all my effort to control my thoughts, and I must pray and sing and take my thoughts captive, (*91) as the Bible says. But never, not even for a moment, think you are not and will not be perfect in my sight."

Tears spilling onto her cheeks, Elizabeth cried softly, "Oh, Nathan, my dearest Love. You are God's gift to me."

Intuitively knowing this was not the time to kiss, Nathan and Elizabeth nevertheless held each other closely, her head on his shoulder and his head leaning against hers, his hands threading through her soft curls.

As the mantle clock marked the minutes, this groom and his bride-to-be silently watched the fire's flames consume a log, crackling and sending sparks upward while enjoying the peace of each moment. Having made their honest confessions to one another they now knew without any doubts that they were deeply and unconditionally loved.

Accepted with imperfections, insecurities, nervousness, and even questions, Nathan and Elizabeth were taking further steps towards being fully known.

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(*91) 2 Corinthians 10:5 "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that is exalted against the knowledge of God, and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ;" The Bible, American Standard Version, Public domain.

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