After the phone call with you, Todoroki found himself simply staring at the ceiling in boredom.
Both Midoriya and Iida were still sleeping, so now he was waiting…
What could he do for another hour before you got here?
He opened his phone again, and…decided to head to the new DipDop app he downloaded with you on Sunday.
He figured, why not look at what made you so popular?
With everything that happened with stain, he was jittery and somber. Depressed, almost. What he went through was the most intense battle he'd seen up to that point. He…he needed a distraction before he revisited the scene in his mind. He knew where things would go if he didn't distract himself.
He searched up your pseudonym, Hanazmae–which, the more he thought about it, the more clever it was–and went to your profile.
He selected the first video he saw, one that was 'pinned' to the top.
The caption read "Concerning the ceremony, sorry not sorry" at the top, and "full video on MooTube" at the bottom. It looked like you were in your room. Your hair was tied in a messy bun at the base of your neck. You were wearing a loose tank top that he'd never seen you wear–nor anything like it.
And this is what you said.
"Hello all, it's Hanazmae here. There's a lot that has happened this past week, and I made a sixteen minute long video explaining it all, so go and check it out on MooTube if you would like, or don't, that's alright too. There will be no art this week, so I'm sorry, but I have to address what's been going on. I'm going to skip the details and never bring this up publicly on my channel again, but long story short, despite all the comments and hate I've gotten since the gala, I'm not sorry for being engaged to the son of Endeavor. I understand a lot of people don't like Endeavor for various reasons. Again, you can watch the video, but I'm not obligated to anyone to make anyone happy. I'm doing what's best for me and my family by marrying Todoroki-Kun, and if you can't handle that, no one is holding you hostage. You are free to have your opinions and express them, but holding me accountable for something I haven't done isn't exactly…effective?
"I would appreciate it if the death threats stopped coming, if nothing else. Thank you all, and I apologize for my shortness, but it's been a long day, and a long week. I hope you all can understand." You waved at the camera, with a sweet smile. "Art out next week, I promise!"
The video ended.
As the video restarted, he paused it, then sat back and contemplated what he just watched. This was a side of you he saw rarely, which was fine, and it was…refreshing to see that you had it.
As he scrolled, he realized you mostly did art tutorials and challenges, some fashion and outfit ideas and tutorials, a bit of sewing, one or two ice skating ones–that he did know about you–a little bit of makeup, which all was….confusing to say the least.
But your cinematography was excellent, as were the angles and lighting of nearly all your videos. You had such incredible charisma and charm when you were doing commentary, and your sense of humor was different than what he was used to.
He loved to see your personality and creativity flourish in this way. It encouraged him that you found such joy and contentment in doing this. He could never pull something like this off. It was definitely something someone with a very special talent could do.
And when you smiled on camera, or did a video with you and your makeup or something involving fashion where you modeled, you were the prettiest thing in the world to him.
He found himself wearing a small smile.
It made him…flustered.
It was so strange, but he found himself….liking you more and more every video he saw.
And then he saw a video of you sitting in front of the piano. Your hands hovered over the keys as your fingers pressed them–almost lovingly–as you leaned into the notes you played.
He recognized the tune, he wasn't sure where from, but you played faster and faster, with more and more heartfelt emotion…
He recognized where the song was from now. It was the song that you and he danced to during your Giving Away Ceremony.
Something in his chest fluttered and swelled, and he found himself smiling again while he replayed the video.
A small knock on the door didn't phase him until he heard: "Todoroki?"
It was you. His breath almost stuttered but he managed to put his phone away and sit up, looking at you.
"You can come in," he said, his voice hushed.
You looked to the other side of the room, where Midoriya and Iida were sleeping. "I don't want to wake them," you whispered cautiously. Almost too cautiously.
"They'll be okay," he said. "They've been resting all day."
You looked back at him, your hair in a ponytail with a small hairpin at the top. You had your purse slung over your shoulder, and seemed a bit concerned or lost as to where to put it.
"You can set it on the nightstand," he said.
You did, and grabbed a chair and sat down next to him. "Is everything alright?" you asked immediately.
"I'm okay," he said, "Just a few cuts and scratches," he gestured to his arm and leg." They want to make sure everything's okay before they let me go."
You reached for the piece of gauze on his cheek, your fingers ghosting the patch.
You quickly pulled away, your hand snatching back to its place on your lap. He normally would have protested or said you were okay, but…
"They tend to do that," you commented, ignoring the blush on your face. "I've had my fair share of hospital stays. I've had to leave against doctor's orders before."
Todoroki nodded. He'd heard of things like that before.. "I suppose. Why were you in the hospital?"
"My quirk," you said, looking at your hands. "When it gets out of control, like at the Sports' Festival. I used to go into intensive care a lot as a child, but since Father appealed to my schools to not participate in physically active sports, it's been a lot better."
"Really?" It wasn't as much of a question as it was more of a statement. He continued after you nodded in affirmation, "My sister and brothers had quirks incompatible with their body, could that be part of the reason you've had so much trouble?" he mused. You tilted your head, and he took that as a sign to explain.
He continued, "My oldest brother, when he was still alive–our mother's quirk was ice, like my right side, and my father's side was fire, like my left side. My sister told me that Touya would burn himself with his quirk because his body was suited for an ice quirk, not a fire quirk."
There was a pause. He wasn't sure if he liked it. He decided he didn't.
"Is that how he…passed?" You asked after the silence passed.
He looked at his hands. "I think so. I was little when it happened. I don't remember much. He was out training, on the hill by our property. He must have lost control. All that was left was his lower jawbone."
"I'm so sorry," you whispered.
He didn't say anything. He didn't look at you. He didn't know if he could. He never processed how sad it was until now. He tried to ignore the pressing images of stain's swords so close to his skin in that alleyway–
He picked up where he left off.
"Fuyumi is the same way, where her body is more suited for a fire quirk, but she inherited an ice quirk instead. Do you think that you could have something like that?"
"Maybe," you said after a second or two. "I know that Akira has that, in a way. Her body is equipped for a quirk, she just didn't inherit one. The only thing I can think of that would contradict that for me is the fact that my skin is resistant to heat. I can physically get hot, but my skin won't burn. My body also can withstand high temperatures, just not for very long, but for longer than the average quirkless person. Perhaps the tolerance just isn't high enough for the capacity which my quirk functions," you thought.
"Yes…" he nodded, thinking about what you said. "Do you think there is any way to…fix that, or help that? Have you tried?"
"No," you said firmly, shaking your head. "If something went wrong with me trying to expand my limits, I probably wouldn't recover."
He nodded. "What about quirk therapy? Have you considered that? It might be something worth considering."
You took in an apprehensive breath and made a face. "I'm not sure. Everything is as it is for a purpose, and I'm not sure I want to bridge that any more than I need to."
Todoroki wasn't sure how he felt about that statement, but he didn't necessarily want to explore what you meant by it either. It would be a conversation for another day. He saw the look on your face, however, and realized that you may have thought you made a mistake.
"Well," you continued, "maybe what I said isn't exactly true. Anyone can change anything in their circumstance if they care enough, even if it was given to them for a purpose. I'm not ready to take those steps yet."
Todoroki thought that sounded much better and much more like you and much less like your father. He liked that.
Your father had much too much of a sa in what you decided to do with your life. He didn't like that.
Stain knives flashes fire blood–
He closed his eyes and swallowed. What an inconvenience. It seems like the thought of father is the beginnings of a trigger for him.
He felt your eyes on him, but didn't look at you. He didn't want to see the pity you had in your face.
He changed the subject. "You didn't tell me you played piano." he decided to look at you
Your face flushed and you bowed your head to hide your small laugh. "I forgot to say something," you grinned.
He loved to see you smile. "You play very well," he said, the beginnings of a small smile on his lips.
"How do–" you cut yourself off. "Did you look at my DipDop?"
"Yes," he said, almost guiltily.
You sighed a laugh, your shoulders shaking from keeping quiet. He couldn't help it, he joined in silently.
"You should watch with me," he said, scooting over in his bed. "These are very well done."
"I–" you stuttered, "I can't sit in the bed with you," you scolded, whispering. "That's both inappropriate and impolite! What if someone walks in?"
"I want to watch this with you," he defended. "We're not doing anything bad. Please?" he resorted to begging, putting on the face that he knew would make Fuyumi fold in an instant.
Please. I need to escape my mind.
You deflated, giving him a look as you rolled your eyes and quietly sat on the bed next to him. You sat more on the edge, however, and not on his pillow with him.
Good enough, he thought to himself. Your legs kicked to the side, and you kicked off your heels, leaving yourself in your nylons that made you look like you didn't have toes.
He leaned over to show you a video on your profile. He stifled a wince from surcading on his features.
"If you're in pain, don't reach," you reprimanded quietly.
"I'm okay," he said.
You sighed. Todoroki pressed play on the video.
"I forgot about this one," you smiled. Outfits inspired by animes, the text read.
The transitions in this one were very well done, and just about flawless. "How long did it take you to make this?" he asked.
"Oh, forever," you emphasized. "I loved making this one. It was so long ago."
"What else do you do that I don't know about?" Todoroki finally asked, looking at you expectantly.
You looked back at him and took in a breath, and settled, looking at the ceiling and contemplating. "Well, I play piano, I figure skate, but you knew that, I…I paint, I sew, I draw, I do fashion design and modeling, my favorite anime is Yuri! On Ice, I like getting my nails done, I like jewelry, I love making DipDops, but I don't do it all that often anymore, and…I can sing."
"You can?"
"Not well," you said quickly, "and not often. I prefer not to sing, to be honest."
"You should sing for me, sometime," he said.
"No," you straightened, blushing. "I would much rather not."
"That's too bad," he said gently. "I would love to hear your singing voice."
You chuckled and went back to the previous subject. "I, uh…also have another brother," you said.
His eyes widened. What? You said it very lightly, almost reminiscent, or mournful.
"He, uh," you continued, "He passed away when I was thirteen," you confessed. You grabbed out your phone and began scrolling. "He was two years younger than Kenta, and three years older than the twins. That's where there's…such a big gap."
You tapped something on your phone, then paused and smiled sadly. You showed him your phone screen. It was a picture of a younger version of you with two younger boys, all with silver hair smiling brightly into the camera.
"The one on the far left is him," you said. "His name was Benny–Or, it was Benzou, actually. The nickname Benny came from one of my Father's close friends from America, whose name was Benny. He was born around the time that Father's friend passed away, so he was named after him. I took this picture just after I got my phone–it's one of the first pictures I took. If I was allowed to pick favorites with my siblings, Benny would be it. He was so sweet."
He blinked. He pushed away the empty, hurt feeling he felt. "What happened to him?" Todoroki asked carefully.
When you looked at him, your eyes were misty. You put your phone away and took a deep breath in. "He was killed in a car accident."
Todoroki stiffened, nodding sympathetically.
"Father took him to a house party in the middle of winter," she said. "They left late, it was icy and…Father fell asleep at the wheel, and ended up overcorrecting. They crashed into the ditch…"
You trailed off, looking down and pursing your lips, presumably to compose yourself. He couldn't blame you. It…it sounded horrible. You were the oldest in your family. You took it upon yourself to care for all your siblings.
You took a deep breath. You weren't crying, but your voice was shaky. "He wasn't wearing a seatbelt, and hit his head on the dashboard. By the time emergency crews arrived, it was too late."
Todoroki nodded. He didn't know what to do. Should he say something? Should he comfort you? He was completely at a loss. He could hardly imagine the sorrow, the loss, the fear you felt when you got the news–
The images were trying to flash in his brain again, making his head hurt. He gritted his teeth.
"I also had a younger sister," you said. "She was just between Benny and the twins, but she died from heart problems when she was 2 years old. The twins were just born." Your head shook.
Todoroki stared off into space, he could feel himself sinking into his internal consciousness. He hated it. He hated the fact that Stain was in his mind as much as he was.
"I'm sorry," you gasped, leaning away. The sound of your voice snapped him out of his thoughts. "I–I shouldn't have said that, I wasn't–"
"No, it's alright," he said quickly. "I'm sorry I'm not…in the best mindspace. You can share anything you want with me. I promise"
You looked at him skeptically, almost blankly. "What happened?" you whispered cautiously.
He looked down, shaking his head, clenching his fist. "I don't want to talk about it right now, if that's alright."
"Of course. I–"
"Don't apologize for prying," he interrupted. "It's a natural question. I'll tell you when i'm a little better, okay?"
You looked shocked at first, then embarrassed, then contemplative before nodding. "I'm here to listen," you told him.
"As am I," he said.
You smiled tentatively, fixing your skirt.
You were so sweet, kind, caring, and modest. He appreciated all of that.
"I wanted to talk to you," he said after a minute, "about the Gala."
You nodded, shifting a little bit. "Alright."
"Well," he started again, "Like…the kiss."
You stiffened, just a bit. He hoped he didn't make you uncomfortable.
"Go on," you prompted.
"I hope I didn't overstep, or…cause any trouble with that."
"No," you said. "Father didn't say anything about it. It was very strange, but he never brought it up. When I did, he brushed it off. It was off-putting, if nothing else."
"I can imagine," he agreed.
"If I may," you said next, "why…why did you…you know? I know you told me that you thought that kissing my hand was too mainstream, but I have a feeling that's not the real reason."
"It wasn't," he confessed. "I…I've started feeling differently about you, ever since we've met. And, since the Sports' Festival, I've been more secure in who I am," he looked at his still sleeping classmates, "and I've made some friends…"
"That's wonderful," you commented, a small smile on your lips.
He hummed in affirmation. "I think that it was…I felt I needed to express my gratitude to you, as well as how I felt, and…I felt that to be the most appropriate action at the time. I'm…I'm sorry if I embarrassed you or made you uncomfortable in any way."
"Of course not," you defended quickly. "Well, maybe, since it was unexpected on my end, but in hindsight, I…" you blushed. "I didn't mind."
He let out a sigh. "I'm glad."
"Al…although," you said, meekly, "If I may be so bold…what…exactly do you mean by…how you feel? I'm…not entirely sure I understand."
He blinked, pausing. What did he mean? What did he feel?
"I'm not quite sure," he confessed. "I…I just feel comfortable, but that's not just it. I…I feel connected, in a way? I mean, even earlier today, you were the first person I thought of notifying I was here when I woke up, before my sister or anyone. And…while I am unfamiliar with the feeling, it's still there, and…it's intense. I think about you a lot, and I care about you more than I do most anyone else I know."
Todoroki was talking much more than he usually did, but he felt comfortable doing so. It wasn't awkward, or forced, or…anything. He was just talking, and you were nodding along, and seemingly enjoying the conversation, he hoped.
"Is…" he proceeded again when she didn't have a response, "Is it normal? I've never felt these things before, I just hope nothing is wrong with me."
"I don't think anything is wrong with you," you assured. "It could be that it's romantic feelings towards me, or the beginnings of such," you explained, your face very red.
"So…would that equate to love?"
Your head snapped up. "No." You said, "Love…Love isn't real."
"What is love?" he asked.
"The romantic type of love–or what people describe as love–is simply physical attraction or infatuation with another person. Dedication is what makes a relationship last, not love." you said definitively. "It's..it's not even that not that it's not real, it's that it is misconstrued as some magic fix-it…thing. People don't understand what love is, including myself. All I know is what it's not."
Todoroki thought about what you said, including your attitude towards the subject. You seemed…bitter about it. He wondered why.
"What isn't it?" he asked next.
"Love isn't infallible, and it's not some miracle feeling that makes everything better," you said. "It's not what people think it is, and it helps no one and nothing. If I've misdefined it throughout my life, I'm willing to reconsider what I believe it is, but I've never heard a single convincing argument as to what love, romantic love, really is."
"Why's that?"
"Some say it's a feeling, others say it's a choice, others, an action, or an emotion, or a state of being. It never makes sense, it's never definitive, and it never comes to a conclusion or something of substance–the definitions, I mean. I've asked for clarification, and asked if it was infatuation, or where you're attracted to someone's personality or behavior, and no one has ever told me so. It's never a substantive conversation, it's never something to place a finger on, and when you can't place a finger on it or prove it outright, it can't be real."
"Well, if I may say so," Todoroki interrupted, "one could argue the same about religion–-Not that I am, but some do, I know."
"The difference between love and the Gods is that there is proof of their existence. Look around you, at all the beautiful land and wondrous people–you can't tell me that they all came from nothing. Something had to create it. Even if it's not fully understood. I'm not saying I understand love, but at least the Gods can be explained, and their history and our purpose on the Earth laid out in an understandable manner.
"And even so," you continued, "just because love is…whatever it is, that doesn't mean that what you–or I–feel isn't real. It's just…different. It's not love."
"What you feel?" Todoroki almost missed that part.
You flushed pink again. "I, uh…"
"Do you feel…the same way about me?" he asked tentatively.
You looked at the sheets on the bed, smoothing out the folds and wrinkles. "Well, I…feel differently about you than I do the other men in my life," you said gently, looking at him.
He didn't say anything. He wanted you to continue.
When you realized that was the case, you looked back down and sighed again. "I, uh…feel safe when I'm with you, and I care more about what you think than what other male acquaintances may think. I want your approval, but I don't care for anyone else's. I respect you, and have more hope for a long lasting…relationship with you than I did even other boys I was infatuated with when I was younger," you admitted.
He nodded.
"However," you said next, "I must confess, that…on the date, when I started acting…differently, I…when you complimented me, I began to second guess your motivations, which I was wrong to do so, and I apologize. I…I spoke with Kayama-Sensei about it, and she told me to tell you, but, I had something of a moment where I couldn't trust that what you had said wasn't just to lure me into a false sense of security, then you would…treat me badly."
Something in Todoroki stood up. He almost wanted to feel offended, but he reminded himself to take things one step at a time.
"What would…make you think I would do that?" he asked gently.
"Past experience," you said, bowing your head. "I…I know you're different, it's just…hard to believe that sometimes, from what I've been through and who I've been with, and I…"
He understood now. It made much more sense.
"Todoroki," you looked at him. "I'm so sorry. Will you…will you forgive me? I don't know how to help myself or change. I'm insecure in everything I think and say."
"I know," he said, placing his bandaged hand on yours. You looked at it, then you looked at him. "And it's okay. You can't help it, but…I'll be there with you while you get the help you need."
"But I shouldn't be struggling with it at all," you lamented, your eyes beginning to water. "I should be good for you; I shouldn't be burdening you with my past, or my trauma or whatever you want to call it. You're in the Hero Course, and in the hospital for goodness sake, who knows what you went through–I shouldn't have to work to fix something like this while–"
"Just because you're not completely flawless doesn't mean you're worthless or unworthy of anything," he said. "You were raised to second guess people's motives, because the people you knew were always two-faced. It's not your fault."
"But it is my responsibility," you defended. "I should be secure in myself before I get married–let alone be in a blooming relationship."
Todoroki paused before continuing, once again ignoring the impression the alleyway with stain and then the nomu and Midoriya left on him. "My mother and father had a broken relationship. He was dictating and controlling toward my mother, and criticized her when she failed or was imperfect in his eyes. That is the last thing I want for us."
You wiped the tears away from the corner of your eyes as you contracted a calming breath and listened.
"We are going to get married, whether we like it or are ready or not. And we have to do it together if we want to make it work, just like any relationship or friendship. I didn't realize this until recently," he looked at Midoriya's sleeping form, "and I isolated myself. I didn't want the burden of having a friend wanting and demanding everything I had, let alone a wife. I wanted to reach my goal But when I realized that friendship wasn't something selfish, and it required both sides to give and take, it was easier. I can open up.
"And…that's what I want our marriage to be," he said. "That's what I want us to be. A team. Where if one needs help, the other can be there for them. There's no better time to start practicing than now.
"I don't care if I'm a hero. If you need something from me, ask for it. Ask for my help. I'm here for you."
"But," you said, "and this isn't to negate anything you said, but, you are aware that there will always be sometimes where…you can't help, and where you're just…too tired to help me, right? Like now, where you're not in a good mental space, it's not right for me to trouble you with things like this–I don't want you getting hurt."
"I'll just tell you," he said. "If I'm too tired or worn out, like I did today. I can just let you know."
"That's fair," you admitted.
He just looked at you with a small smile.
"Hanae," he addressed again, "I mean it. Will you tell me if everything isn't okay?"
You nodded. "I will. Thank you, Todoroki."
"And can you please call me Shoto?" He rolled his eyes playfully. "It's only fair."
"Not with other people around," you shook your head. "That's not appropriate."
"When we're by ourselves then?" he suggested. "Times like now?"
"But we're not by ourselves," you argued.
"Midoriya and Iida aren't awake, we're pretty much alone."
"You just want me to say your name, don't you?"
He shrugged.
You chuckled. "Shoto."
He smiled again. "Thank you."
You didn't respond. You just looked away and toyed with your skirt.
He tilted his head. He never noticed the dimple you had on your right side when you had a look of skepticism on your face until now, or the way your temple creased when you were contemplative. The grip on your hand tightened.
"You know, I did mean it when I said you were beautiful," he said, "back at the shop."
Your eyes glanced up at him, then back down at your hands. "I'm not sure if I believe that I am."
He sighed, but said nothing. He really did enjoy looking at you. "May–" he stuttered, and it caused you to look up at him fully. He internally took deep breaths to calm himself. "May I kiss your cheek?"
You blushed pink again, but the soft look on your face eased his nerves. He hoped you understood the significance of him asking, because he simply wanted to do what he did before–express to you with actions what you meant to him, and how he felt toward you.
You nodded. "If you would like."
He couldn't help the breath that escaped him before he leaned over and gently pecked your cheek.
"I must ask," you said quietly as he looked back at you, "that we keep….physical affection strictly to this. Hand holding and…kisses on the cheek, in private of course, are as far as I'm willing to take it. I just…I would like it if my first kiss were on my wedding day, if that were alright with you."
"I will respect that," he nodded. "Thank you for telling me."
You smiled and let out a breathy chuckle. "That was the best reception I've had requesting something like that."
He wasn't sure what showed or didn't show on his face, but he wanted to meet every single person that had ever made you so nervous and afraid to set basic boundaries with people.
He didn't respond, but that was alright. You simply squeezed his fingers lightly.
The bed rustled behind you. Your head swiveled to look–
"Nazumi-San?" Iida's groggy voice cut through the silence. "Is that you?"
He scrambled for his glasses on the nightstand.
"Yes," you answered with a nervous laugh, raising your voice just the smallest bit from the whisper it had been moments ago, fiddling nervously with your skirt and suddenly stiff. "It's me."
"Why are you here?" he asked.
"W-well, Todoroki called me, so I came to Hosu," you answered. "How long have you been awake?"
Iida sat up in his bed, careful of his arm in a cast and a sling. "I just woke up. Do not worry–" He was cut off by a yawn.
You almost moved off the bed, but Todoroki held your hand firmly. You seemed to get the message, so you stayed put.
"How are you feeling?" you asked instead.
"A little sore, and tired. Wait," he said, suddenly much more awake and back to his normal volume. "Are you aware of what happened?"
You put your finger to your lips and pointed to Midoriya's bed, which quickly had Iida turning his intensity level down.
"Don't worry, I'm awake," a voice grumbled from the blankets. Green hair stood on end as he turned to look at Todoroki, then at you. "Oh. Hello," he smiled, sitting up straighter in his bed. "How are you–wait, you're Hanazmae!"
You chuckled and brushed a stray piece of hair behind your ear. "Yes."
"Oh, wow, it's…such an honor! What are you doing here? Oh, wait, it's because of Todoroki, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is."
"Do you know what happened, then?" he asked.
"No, I don't," you said. You didn't ask what happened, since you had already.
Todoroki sighed. "We ran into Stain," he confessed.
He watched your eyes widen and your gaze flick to Iida. You almost definitely heard what happened with Ingenium by now, it would be natural–since you were in the dark–to look at him.
"How?" you almost whispered. You looked back at Todoroki.
He shared glances with the two others in the room.
"It's…a long story."
.o0o.