Chapter 12 – Camping with an Intoner
Edric POV
"Well, that was a waste of time!" Zero exclaimed, throwing her hands up and sitting down on a rock next to the fire. Her head resting on her hands and arms resting on her legs.
"Speak for yourself, I have never been happier in my entire life. I'm finally free of that bitch!" Ditto spoke as he paced back and forth in front of the fire. Citing all the things he intends to do now that he's been separated from his Intoner.
"The shorty one is annoying. Can I eat him?" The black dragon asked me. He was lying close to the trees, his form blending with the shadows.
"I am seriously considering letting you do it." I muttered as I got ready to cook dinner for everyone. We're having sea serpents tonight, courtesy of Mikhail and the Black Dragon.
Speaking of Mikhail, the dragon was sitting close to the fire just like a human being. It was a funny sight that made me smile under my helmet. I placed my bottomless bag on top of a rock and prepared to pull out my "kitchen utensils".
"Hey I! What will you do?" Mikhail asked curiously.
"Making dinner." I replied as I reached into my bag and pulled out a great ax.
Zero, Dito and Mikhail stared at me in surprise, mouths open and eyes wide.
"Well, that's something you don't see every day." Ditto said as he approached the bag.
"Wow! This is so cool! How did that ax fit in there? Is it a magic bag?" Mikhail asked as he eyed the bag closely.
"What the fuck?! "Zero exclaimed as she quickly got to her feet and reached a hand towards my bag, trying to figure out for herself if what she saw was true.
SLAP!
But she never got around to it, as I slapped her hand away.
"Hey! What the hell were you thinking?!" Zero demanded as she glared at me and prepared to draw her sword.
"I'm the one asking. What the hell were you thinking, getting your hands on my property?" I snapped.
"Wow! I wasn't going to steal your shit! I was just curious how this magical bundle works!" Zero replied as she shook off her stricken hand.
"Hump! Knowing your reputation, I wouldn't be surprised to find some weapons missing. And the correct name is bottomless bag."
"Hey! It's good that you know. Better keep an eye on this thing, you could end up missing it without realizing. And bag, bundle, whatever. What matters is how this thing works. What else do you have there?" Zero replied as she shrugged and walked back to her seat, watching expectantly.
"I believe I can give you a little demonstration while I prepare our food." I said with a sigh as I reached into the bag again, but when I withdrew it, instead of holding a weapon, I was holding a small glowing creature, the fairy Eupherbia.
"Is it time for food yet?" The fairy asked. Her head popped out of the top of my clenched fist.
"Almost. It will be ready soon." I replied, opening my hand and releasing the faerie. Eupherbia floated around me before settling on my left shoulder.
The fairy looked around, taking in the new addition to the group. Her eyes widened slightly and nervously, the faerie whispered in my ear.
"PPSSHH! I! Are you sure it's a good idea to take this crazy bitch with us?"
"I wonder the same thing." I replied, taking the Secret Dagger from my bag.
"I heard that!" Zero snarled through her teeth, causing the faerie to hide behind me.
"Don't worry. If Zero tries anything, I'll deal with her." I said, taking from my bag a series of rapiers of different designs.
"Oh! And what makes you think that?" Zero asked, crossing her arms and giving an amused smile.
"I believe I've said this many times, but you're not the worst thing I've ever faced." I said, holding the greataxe in both hands and slashing at the sea serpent, slicing off slices of meat.
"Is that so? And what could be worse than me? The terrible and cruel Intoner Zero."
"Hm... A giant knight the size of a building, a flaming demon that grows stronger as it takes damage, a colossal flying stingray... And I almost forgot! A dragon the size of a mountain!"
"Ohhhh! He must be scary!" Mikhail spoke while shaking with fear.
"For sure. A huge dragon, a mass of muscle and orange scales, six glowing red eyes and two rows of sharp, sword-sized teeth in its mouth, and colossal hands and feet capable of crushing any fortification."
"Bullshit!" Zero exclaimed, dismissing my assertions, either because she didn't believe what I said, or to calm the young dragon who cowered in fear.
"Yes... She is right... Teeth the size of swords... Red glowing eyes..." The white dragon muttered, covering his face with his wings.
"Believe me, I'm telling the truth. After all, I possess the weapon specifically made to slay this dragon." I stopped removing the scales from the slice of meat with my dagger and removed said weapon from the bottomless bag.
Everyone stared with their mouths on the floor as the huge piece of metal popped out of the small bag. Seconds passed as the sword continued to come out, everyone present except for the black dragon probably wondered if the weapon had no end, this doubt continued until the weapon's complete form was revealed.
I held the sword up with one hand before slamming it into the ground, cracking the earth and causing a small tremor.
"Holy crap! Look at this thing! I bet you can turn a person into paste with just one swipe! Just imagining the guts flying through the air! The crack of bones turning to dust! It makes me so…" Ditto screamed out his fantasies as he analyzed the sword down to the smallest detail.
In a moment, the disciple grabbed the hilt of the sword with both hands, but the piece of crude metal in front of him didn't even budge, the disciple kept trying, his face turning red with the effort, sweat running down his forehead, muscles flexing, but there was no result.
Ditto released the sword, crossing his arms and looking away, kicking the ground in frustration.
Zero, on the other hand, was much more restrained in her reaction, even so she looked at the weapon with surprise and admiration and a touch of wildness in her gaze, surely she was imagining herself using the sword in front of her.
"Where the fuck did you get that thing?" Zero asked me as she ran a finger along the sword's edge and realized that the weapon had no blade, it was literally a piece of raw, solid metal forged into the shape of a sword. It was a completely blunt weapon, made to crush until there was nothing left.
"This is the Dragon Bone Smasher. Forged by ancient Stonefang diggers to battle dragons, a thick, bladeless mass of iron enchanted to shield its wearer from the flames. Because of its immense weight, blacksmiths joke that it can hardly be called a sword. But rather an insult to anyone who considers himself a swordsman."
"What the hell were they thinking? There are better ways to face a dragon."
"They were thinking of killing the dragon I mentioned. The people of Stonefang worshiped the dragon's bones, as they were enchanted and made ores sprout from the ground, but they feared that the dragon would someday come back to life. So they forged two colossal harpoons and a Dragon Bone Smasher to kill the dragon in case it came back from the dead."
"And according to what you said. The dragon eventually came back to life." Zero spoke, walking around the sword, analyzing the weapon.
"Not exactly. The original dragon remained dead, but a copy of it was created." I skewered the slices of meat onto the rapiers and set them on the fire to roast.
"You gotta be kidding me. If what you're saying is true, then it would be impossible to recreate such a dragon. Even if it were possible, who would be the mad man who would do that?" Zero said with a big smile as she gripped the hilt of the sword with both hands.
"Not a man, but a demon." I replied, watching the meat roast.
"Hump! There you go talking crazy stuff again. Demons this, Demons that. Demons do not exist." Zero spoke as she raised the sword with some difficulty, making a face of effort, the Intoner raised the great weapon to the skies and watched it amidst the moonlight.
"Believe me, demons exist and that flower in your eye looks like one."
Hearing my response, Zero's smile was replaced by a grimace, she frowned and pressed her lips together in a thin line. "So you know about the flower?"
"Only what the black dragon told me."
Zero glared at said dragon, irritated, the dragon returned the gaze with its own while baring its fangs simultaneously.
"Don't give me that look, brat. I do what I want. It just so happened that my partnership with the knight eventually led to the issue of the flower in your eye and your sisters. And you've been doing a terrible job of handling this thing." The black dragon snarled.
"It would help if I wasn't interrupted by a bunch of idiots every five minutes!" Zero replied.
"Hah! Or if you didn't spend every day fucking with every guy that comes your way. And don't lie, I've heard the rumors. Intoner Zero, the pink-eyed, man-eating witch." Eupherbia said from behind my shoulder, a cocky smile on her face.
Zero let out a snarl of rage and charged towards the faerie with the sword raised, but she stopped in her tracks when I placed a rapier with spiked meat in front of her face.
"Is ready." I said in an emotionless tone.
Zero let out a growl of frustration as she tossed the Dragon Bone Smasher aside and accepted the rapier, taking a bite of meat.
"Not bad." The Intoner muttered as she returned to her previous spot, the food lifting her mood.
I handed one piece to Ditto and one to Eupherbia, in the faerie's case, the meat was caught on a throwing knife. As for the dragons, they received several pieces, both voraciously eating their food.
"Hhhmm! Delicious! Thank you for the food, Sir Edric!" Mikhail spoke.
"You're welcome." I answered as I picked up a rapier with a piece of meat skewered on it.
Zero and Ditto looked on curiously, neither had seen me without my helm, so this would be a good time to find out what I looked like. Too bad. They both had a look of disbelief in their eyes as I brought the piece of meat close to my mouth area and without removing my helm bite off a piece of meat.
"What the fuck?!" Zero exclaimed.
"Meh! Weird, but not the weirdest thing I've ever seen. But the meat is good, so hot and juicy. Hehehe!" Ditto shrugged.
"You'll get used to it, but I don't think this is the last freak quirk this human has. Trust me, I've been following him for a while." The black dragon spoke between bites.
"Is this a magic trick?" Mikhail asked.
"I give up, you're weird, you say weird things, act weird, and carry a bunch of weird stuff. I'm just gonna eat and forget what I saw." Zero spoke with her mouth full, pointing the rapier at me.
"What can I say? I pride myself on appearing vaguely humanoid and resistant to physical attacks." I responded with a laugh, taking another bite of the meat.
A few minutes passed. The only noise being the sounds of chewing and the crackling fire.
"About the flower in your eye. Where did it come from?" I asked, breaking the silence.
"I don't know and I don't care." Zero replied.
"What does it do exactly?"
"It turned me into an Intoner." Zero answered again, slightly irritated by the questions.
"And what is an Intoner, exactly?"
"Can you stop, please?! Come on! Why are you asking so many questions? You have nothing to do with that flower! You shouldn't even have meddled where you weren't called! Midgard's affairs have nothing to do with you! Where do you come from anyway?"
"Boletaria." I answered with a note of sadness in my voice.
"Hump! I've never heard of it!"
"Not surprising, the people of Midgard don't seem to know about Boletaria and its neighboring kingdoms."
"Fine, a little knight from nowhere minding other people's troubles."
"I'm sorry, but your troubles became mine as soon as I felt that flower." I pointed at Zero, giving the Intoner a surprised look.
"Can you feel it?" Zero asked.
"Yes. It is an evil being, of pure malice, I can feel the dark magic from afar. On you and your sisters."
"Hahaha! Who would know? Someone here knows the truth about the Intoners and the song." Zero laughed, a mixture of amusement and anger.
"Yes. Intoners are not goddesses and song magic is not a good thing. Whatever you are. You exude the same aura as the demons I faced." I continued.
"You can't judge the girl, knight, after all your scent isn't exactly something pleasant." The black dragon spoke, with a glint of amusement in his voice.
"He's right, Edric. Every magical being in Midgard can feel you." Eupherbia responded, taking a bite of her food.
"Now I'm curious. Tell me more about the tin head over there." Zero said with an amused smile and crossing her legs.
"The moment the knight appeared in Cathedral City, the beings of Midgard capable of sensing magic were startled by a powerful blast of magical energy. When the energy disappeared, the only thing left was a strange being." The black dragon explained.
"Continues." Zero nodded with interest.
"The energy caught my attention, so as I approached the cathedral I noticed a strange smell. The scent of something ancient and powerful, something evil, but held in check. And that smell was coming from the tin head."
Hearing this, Mikhail sniffed the air, then flinched: "Scary." The young dragon spoke.
"Ooohhh! Looks like we have a hypocrite here. Do you mind explaining?" Zero said haughtily.
"Let's just say it has to do with the demons I've faced and let's stop there."
"Fine by me. Each one has their secrets, but maybe I'll ask some questions later." Zero replied.
"Last question." I said.
"Ask." Zero said with a frustrated sigh.
"Does the flower speak to you?"
Zero was silent, a thoughtful look passing over her face, after a few seconds, the Intoner spoke.
"Yes. Now I will ask a question." Zero spoke.
I nodded to her.
"Why are you doing this? Accompanying me, trying to help Midgard, and giving my sisters a chance? What do you get with it?"
I was silent, my gaze shifting between the fire and the moon in the sky.
"I could give you an answer from the fairy tale books. Saying it's the right thing to do, saying that's what heroes do. But I'm hardly a hero, and I'm not a knight in shining armor, my armor lost its shine a long time ago... I think... I think I'm doing this because I've seen the worst and the best that humanity has to offer, I have seen both extremes. You may not believe my words, but I'm telling the truth, demons do exist and I've seen what they are capable of, I've seen what they do to people, Boletaria and the neighboring kingdoms have been left in ruins, I just want to prevent the same thing happens to the world. I feel it is my responsibility to deal with anything that threatens our existence."
A tense silence took over the camp, and that silence was broken by the sarcasm of a certain disciple.
"Congratulations! Good way to ruin the mood!" Ditto said sarcastically as he clapped his hands.
"Nice speech, but you're wasting your time, you and I are warriors, we exist to kill and destroy, not save. The sooner you accept this, the better. Besides, humans are greedy and weak-hearted beings, no matter how hard you try, there will always be someone trying to rule the world." The black dragon commented, as he laing back and closing his eyes.
"Someone like You?" I asked, but the dragon didn't answer, just stared at me for a few seconds before closing his eyes.
"You know, most people in Midgard are a bunch of assholes, fairies included, but in the time I've spent with you, I've seen that not all of them are dumbasses wanting something from you. In the end I enjoyed being praised for helping others, maybe you were right about that talk of being someone better, I'd like to see where this goes and I can't do that with a war going on. I'll keep helping you for a while as long as you keep giving me candy." Eupherbia spoke, patting my helm.
"Thank you, Eupherbia. Don't worry, I'll buy you all the candy you want." I replied as I stroked the faerie's head.
"I can't wait." Eupherbia replied.
"This is rare! A fairy who doesn't act like an asshole. Where did you get it? Is she your pet? Or did you do something to her to make her treat you like that?" Ditto asked, an annoying smile on his face.
That smile immediately vanished when in one blinding motion, I threw a throwing knife towards him, the knife digging into the trunk of a tree right behind the disciple, a thin trail of blood trickled down Dito's cheek.
The disciple gaped wide-eyed, dragging his thumb across the wound, he watched the blood on his hand "Okay, I'm scared and a little horny. I will keep my mouth shut."
Eupherbia, on the other hand, could not resist and put salt in the wound "Where is all that courage? Now that someone your size has gotten in the way, you control that tongue of yours, don't you? Come on, say what you think about me, or are you scared? Is the little disciple unable to speak now that he is without his Balloon Breast Intoner to protect him?" Eupherbia hurled insult after insult.
Ditto snarled and brought his hand to the hilt of his spear, but stopped when he saw me twirling a throwing knife between my fingers.
"And you? What's your opinion about me? Any sarcastic comments? Some joke about my morals? Any mockery about my goals?" I asked Zero.
But the Intoner was silent, lost in thought, but staring at me with a distant gaze, she replied "Not this time. You remind me of a certain girl I knew once, she had a strong sense of justice, you know?"
"And where is this girl?"
"Dead. Her sense of justice only served to get her killed. If she had minded her own business and not trying to help others, maybe she would still be alive, but..."
"But?"
"But in the end, I was a little jealous of her. Midgard needs people like you if what you say is genuine, but this world tends to kill those who try to do the right thing." Zero finished.
"You have no idea how true that is." I answered.
"Don't be sad Mister Edric, you've just been nice to everyone here and even though Zero is mean from time to time, she's also a good person, deep, deep, deep down. If we all work together, I know we can save Midgard. You may not believe it, but to me, you are like a hero in the stories." Mikhail spoke, trying to cheer me up.
"Thank you Mikhail. I wonder how such polite dragon ended up with someone like Zero." I answered.
"Hey!" The aforementioned Intoner screamed.
"You don't know how hard it is, Zero is mean and lazy all the time, she keeps calling me names and scaring people, that's why I'm her only friend."
"Hey! Shut up!"
"But I'm telling the truth! You would have more friends if you were nicer to others!" Mikhail said to Zero.
"I don't need friends!" Zero replied.
"This is not true! I see how sad you are when you're alone! You should make new friends! How about Edric? You two could be friends, I don't think he would mind, would you, Edric?" The young dragon asked me.
Zero and Mikhail stared at each other, waiting for my response.
"I... I think... I think it's fine?" I said hesitantly.
"Did you see? He doesn't mind, you two can be friends!"
"Me and the tin head? No thanks! He's already insufferable when he talks about demons, I don't want to spend time around him any longer than necessary!" Zero exclaimed.
"Let's go! It 's not that bad!"
"No way!"
So time passed and the discussion between the Intoner and her dragon companion continued until the moment everyone finished their dinner.
"Where are Zero and Ditto? I saw the two of them leaving, but they haven't come back yet." I asked Mikhail, putting away the equipment I used to prepare dinner.
"I think they went to do adult things." Mikhail answered.
"Adult things?" I asked, confused.
"Yes. Zero never tells me what she does, but sometimes she goes off with other guys and doesn't come back until the next day. Mostly irritated, muttering something like 'They can never keep up' or 'They tire too fast' or 'They come too quickly. '".
I was silent, taking a few seconds to process what the dragon said.
"That or I can hear the sound of someone clapping, but the noise is short-lived, and I can hear Zero screaming in anger right after."
I cant… I cant… I cant…
"HAHAHAHAHA!" I laughed with all my might, to the point of falling to the ground while clutching my stomach. I laugh for a long time, slamming my fist into the ground, cracking the earth and making a metallic clatter echo through the camp.
"Hey, what's so funny?" Mikhail asked.
"Nothing, Mikhail, nothing. I just don't know if I should be surprised or disgusted to hear about other people's sex lives." I replied, taking a deep breath, trying to catch my breath and getting to my feet.
"Sex life. What is that?"
"Something you'll figure out when you're older."
"Hey! I'm old enough to know! Zero and you always say the same thing to me!" Mikhail said, irritated.
"We only say that because it's true, you're not ready yet."
"I…WWAAAHHH~~~ I'm ready." Mikhail said, letting out a long yawn.
"Rest Mikhail, we have a day of fighting tomorrow, you better get all your strength back. A good night's sleep to you."
"WWWAAAHHH~~~ Good night, Sir Edric." Mikhail yawned before lying down and closing his eyes, sinking into the world of dreams, as I was the only one awake in the camp, I sat under a tree and watched the fire, sleep no longer being a problem.
TIMESKIP
Edric's POV
Hm… It's been a while. Should I look for those two? Perhaps they were taken by surprise by invaders? Or maybe they are still busy with their "adult things"? I'd rather not catch them in the middle of their "fun".
All I have left is to wait, at least everything is peaceful. Eupherbia returned to my bag and the dragons were fast asleep.
"Meat… Delicious meat…" Mikhail muttered in his sleep.
I smiled under the helmet. Who knew dragons could be so adorable? Way better than what I've found in the past… Wow! This is boring! Maybe I should sharpen my weapons or practice some magic? Or maybe I should try to get some sleep?
So much to do, so little time, tomorrow it will all be the same, war and invaders. And I still don't understand what's going on, it was all so sudden, one day everything was fine, but the next, Midgard went into chaos.
Three and One. Why declare war on each other?
Enough! I won't get anywhere with my mind full of conflicts. If I can find an Intoner without Zero killing it, maybe I can figure out what's going on.
I leaned myself on the tree trunk, rested my hands on my lap and watched the starry night sky. Yes, I think that's a valid plan.
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of leaves moving, I slowly brought my hand to my sword, but stopped when I saw who was approaching, Zero and Dito, I returned to my original position, there's no reason to meddle.
"Seriously?! Is that the best you can do?" Zero asked Dito as she straightened her dress. The Intoner glared at the disciple with an angry look and hands on her hips.
It seems they didn't notice me. Do they think I'm sleeping?
"Well… I'm sorry… But it's hard to get excited when it looks like you're trying to break my hip…" Ditto said as he limped to a corner of the camp, letting out groans of pain as he went.
I think so. I'm being ignored here. I honestly don't care, I'm having fun with the show.
"Whatever! You better not let me down next time." Zero complained.
Dito's response was to give Zero the middle finger and lay down on the ground, letting out a cry of pain, soon Dito's grumbling was replaced by snoring.
Hehehe! Well done and well said!
"Son of a…" Zero exclaimed, but stopped immediately, looking around and seeing that everyone was asleep.
I saw the Intoner scratch the back of her head and look around until her eyes focused on me. A smile that made me uncomfortable appeared on her face, with careful steps the Intoner approached me.
The Intoner knelt on the grass in front of me and stared at me with a hand on her chin. With a nod of confirmation, she slowly extended her hand towards my helm.
"Let's see what you look like, tin head." The Intoner whispered as she approached.
"You wouldn't like it." I replied as I quickly grabbed her hand midway.
Zero bit back a yelp of surprise and flinched slightly with wide eyes, "Weren't you sleeping?" Zero asked.
"A fun fact about me that you may already know, I rarely get tired and consequently, I rarely sleep."
The expression on Zero's face immediately changed, a disturbing glint crept into her gaze, a big smile crept across her mouth as she licked her lips. For a moment I felt I was in danger.
"Is that so? So how about we put this to the test?" Zero said as she placed her hand on the tree trunk next to my head. I don't know when she managed to escape my grip, but resting her remaining hand on the underside of my helmet, she lifted my head, making me look her in the eye.
"I..." I didn't know what to say. I won't lie, I found Zero attractive, but her personality irritated me and that flower kept giving off that disturbing energy. It was uncomfortable to be this close to the Intoner.
"Speechless? Where did that courage go, eh little knight? Won't you come with that righteous talk from before? Aren't you going to say that you should only do this with the right woman and only after marriage?" TheIntoner kept teasing me.
"I…" Why don't I say anything? I've faced archdemons, saying no to a woman's advances can't be that hard.
"Well, I don't mind if you don't say anything, it's work for me. But it would be nice if you could help me take off that armor of yours. I've done all sorts of things, but armor in the way of what I want is a turn down." Zero said in a soft and seductive voice.
My heart was racing. I was starting to panic. Slowly Zero lifted one of my hands and started to remove my left gauntlet. The piece of armor was about to come off, but for a moment, I caught a glimpse of my skin underneath the armor.
As if lightning had struck me, I remembered what I looked like underneath the armor. For a moment I recalled the look One had given me when I'd removed my helm in Cathedral City.
I immediately pushed Zero away from me, she let out a cry of surprise as she fell to the ground. "What's your problem?!"
But I noticed that her gaze strayed to something beside me, following it, I realized that she was looking at my hand.
Specifically the hand she was trying to remove the gauntlet from. When I pushed it, the gauntlet came loose and fell to the ground. I immediately hid my hand behind my back and grabbed my silver catalyst.
"I apologize, but the problem is not you. It is me." I cast cloak, becoming invisible right away.
"Hang on!" Zero yelled, reaching her hand out to me, but I ignored it. I ran out of the camp leaving everyone behind. I didn't come back until morning, using a gauntlet from a different set.
END OF CHAPTER