A/N: (Editing version 12/28/18): A special thanks to two people.
Sleepy1177; love you, sis. Your support has meant the world to me.
DamnYouKylie; there are no words to express what your friendship and support mean. This story is for you. All those brainstorming sessions, you talking me off the ledge and general silliness has helped me to shape these characters and story. Thanks for coming along on the ride with me. I did promise you a crazy story, so hopefully, this fits the bill.
To all the readers of this and my others stories; as always, I will and do appreciate any feedback you can or will provide. I strive to make my stories enjoyable for all and am always willing to listen to ways I can make that possible for you lovelies. I hope that my editing the story doesn't cause confusion.
Again, the story will remain the same on the whole. The edit is to clear up grammar, sentence structure and for clarity of vision that I am aiming for in the story and world.
Disclaimer: I still do not own the Divergent Universe, that is all V Roth. I'm just the girl throwing stick figures into her thunder dome.
Chapter 2- Reflections Of Time
Eric-Choosing Day: Roughly one year ago
Whispers of silk moving against silk. Muffled gasps and moans. Flashes of delectable skin, so close and charged with a heat that called to me. These sensory images haunted me through my nights, leaving me in a tangled mess of my own making in bed. The space beside me remained cold, but in those dreams, it burned with the heat of passion. A passion I could never imagine existed in reality, and if ever asked would deny even wanting. Because what those images, those nightmares I'm coming to call them, brought forth in me is a terrible burning in my heart and soul. A feeling of being so complete and of such rapture that the cold light of day leaves me a broken husk of a man.
There aren't many that get to see beyond the normal mask I wear at all times. I can count on one hand those that have seen anything from me beyond negative emotions but there are only two people that really give a shit to see more anyway.
Lately, even they don't get to see any semblance of the man behind the mask because that mask is slowly seeping into every part of me.
At twenty-four years old I feel like a man of eighty. The weight of a faction, no an entire fucking city, seems to be pressing down on me.
Now I know why Max was reluctant to make me leader even with pressure from Jeanine. He had needed to know I wasn't in it just for Jeanine, because if I was then this pressure would make me snap. It would break me. It is trying to break me and it scares the shit out of me every day how close it's coming to doing just that.
The screeching of the digital alarm clock on my bedside table, as well as the alarm on my watch, alerts me that I need to get my butt in gear and get ready to face another day. One of the worst days of my year is about to start and I need coffee to be able to deal with what's in store for the next few hours alone. Not even counting the rest of the day.
So, I begin my day with a cup of coffee in my apartment then head out to the meetings that will take up most of the morning before the new initiates arrive. This messes up my normal routine, so that's another reason to add to my foul mood. I'm not fond of change and I like things in my life in order according to my design.
Chase slides a breakfast sandwich across to me when he takes his place at the conference table. "Zach put a couple of these together for us this morning since we couldn't do the normal thing." He mumbles around a large bite he just took of his own food.
"Thanks," I nod and take a bite while looking over notes and waiting for the meeting to start. My stomach rumbles in the pleasure of having something with substance after me denying it until now.
There is food provided for leaders on mornings like this when there are meetings. Outside of the conference room, there is this area that's set up with coffee and muffins but most of us tend to bring our own crap from elsewhere. The assistant or junior leaders in charge of getting it set up seem to make the coffee taste burnt and the muffins are always stale ones from the day, if not two days, before the scheduled meeting. There was no way I was going to play Russian roulette with the food out there.
Lauren breezes in late. As usual. Causing all of us to scowl but Chase to scowl even more since he's the one stuck with her for training the Dauntless-born.
The meeting starts out with the same shit that we deal with for the day to day business, then goes on to cover this year's initiation. Which is mostly just more of the same shit as years past. Although, there are some new rules that are being implemented this year. Also, cuts are being made this year, steep cuts. Instead of passing everyone through that doesn't become so injured they can't continue like in the years before, this year we will have cuts during the stages of training based on the ranks of the two classes.
There was some disagreement about the changes at the time of proposal but in the end, they were approved by simple necessity. This years group is going to be a large one after the absence of any Choosing for the past two years. It boiled down to the fact that we just don't have the resources to keep all of them and that means the weakest would need to go.
I rub the bridge of my nose as Four speaks up about his displeasure in regard to the cuts and fighting changes. He keeps shooting glares my way, as always pinning all of this shit on me. Never mind that there are four other leaders sitting around this table that are just as responsible for passing the new rules, and Max the senior leader that has final say on anything we do here.
Chase shoots me a pointed look, his way of telling me to keep it cool. I look away and clench my fists on the table while letting the others deal with it.
You would think after over eight years of dealing with each other we could move past old shit, but that isn't going to happen with me and Four. At times, I wish with all my might that I had been able to prove my suspicions about him so I could get him out of the picture altogether.
With a sigh, I crack my neck and focus back on the meeting. It's going to be a long hour until the meeting breaks and we can all finally head to greet the new blood.
The four or five Dauntless members that stand on the roof waiting for the train take bets on what kind of mix we will see in the initiates this year. We tossed around predictions on what faction the first jumper will be from, and what faction will likely be the last jumper.
The Choosing Ceremony has been over for a while now but it takes a good hour for the train to make its way to the jumping point. Max already called that it should be appearing within the next five minutes or so.
Max is handling greeting initiates this year.
He decided this because of what happened the very last initiation we had two years ago. I was in charge of greeting them on the roof and had not been pleased about it, to say the least. When no one stepped up and volunteered, not the first time that's happened, I lost patience. I just decided to toss the first person near me over the ledge. I was informed that, while it had been amusing and we are looking to inspire a little fear in the initiates, that wasn't exactly the fear the other leaders had been aiming for.
I have mixed feelings about the event. See at the time, it had felt fantastic. For all of three minutes it felt great, and then it felt just as hollow as everything else feels to me lately.
So, I'm glad to hand that particular duty over to him. I have enough on my plate to deal with already. Between being in charge of overseeing training as well as the multitude of meetings I have to attend normally, I already have a full workload. Not to mention that I'm expected to just drop everything and go running to Matthews when she quirks her finger for us too.
It's exhausting, annoying, and my mood that isn't great in the best of times is anything but mellow these days.
"Train approaching!" Someone calls out loudly from near Max where he stands ready on the ledge, and Chase nudges me, grinning like the happy fucker he is.
"Remember the bet. The first jumper is gonna' be a Candor this year." Chase said with a knowing smile. He's still firmly pulling for his former faction even though he always loses.
I scoff and roll my eyes at playing this same game even knowing how it's going to end. But I play along anyway. The guy is my best friend after all.
It still surprises the shit out of me that I became best friends with two former mouth's, the nickname/slur that is used for the people in the Candor faction. I've always found Candor's to be annoying, even before transfer, and over the years and having to interact closely with that faction at times as a leader that feeling hasn't gone away, it's gotten worse.
So the friendship that developed is surprising in general because of where he came from and my usual inability to make friends at all. I guess it helped that we recognized that we both had something from our past driving us. Chase is the only friend besides Zach that can claim to know anything about me or see any other side of me besides what the rest of the faction and city see. They have also seen me at my worst and still seem determined to stick around. That has to count for something.
"Dauntless-born. It's been Dauntless-born every year since after our choosing." I say with a smug smirk.
The bet is not about who will be jumping from the train first, but who will step up and take the literal plunge we put all new arrivals through.
After getting off the train by jumping from it, while it's still in motion, and to the roof where members of their new faction are waiting for them, we have them take one more jump. This one is different because they won't know what'll be waiting for them at the end of that jump like they do for the one from the train.
On one side of the roof, there is a ledge where the person greeting the new blood waits, standing on the edge. Behind him is a hole through another roof that's actually several stories down. The jump must be made from where we all stand, seven stories up. The hole is huge, but it's completely dark and there's nothing indicating what, if anything, will be at the end of it to catch the jumper.
This is the only entrance that's offered to initiates and is one of many tests that they will be subjected to over the course of their introduction to the faction. If they don't jump, they don't stay. Simple as that.
I was the last non-Dauntless-born first jumper. Back then, the choosing age was sixteen. It's been changed twice since then. First, it went to eighteen right after my choosing year. Then it was changed to twenty. So there haven't been many initiations between mine and now, but what there has been had always ended with Dauntless-born being first.
Chase chuckles at my look and shakes his head. Being the first jumper isn't all that much of a big deal in the long run and we both know that. But, I can be an arrogant asshole and anything I can use to one-up someone, even my friend, I make full use of.
Then we hear it. The horn of the train, letting us know that it's close and making its way towards us. It slows slightly as it comes around the corner that's just before the row of roofs that are all part of the compound. It's the only concession we made for this part. We slowed the train enough that it gave time for all the jumpers to take their turn. That's not to say that everyone is actually going to make it though. There have been incidents before.
The first car of the train is usually filled with the Dauntless members that went to the ceremony. Usually in either an official capacity or because they had family choosing.
Some of them stay on the roof after they make their jump. Some of them prefer to go to the area where the net is to wait and see the initiates and their reactions to the fall through the dark hole of the roof. Most of the others just go on about their day or duties or start partying.
Dauntless-born came next, interspersed with transfers. At first, I see the normal mix of Erudite and Candor in among the Dauntless-born. It's all pretty boring after years of the same. When you've watched this same procession many times before anything out of the ordinary will catch your eye in a heartbeat.
So, when two of our prospective initiates are in some kind of altercation or stand-off before they even get off the fucking train, it gets my attention. The fact that the two involved are a Candor boy and Abnegation girl really has me on alert. From the look on the Candor guys face, I'm fully expecting to see a grey splatter on the ground in seconds.
But then I get the surprise of my fucking life.
From the distance they are at from me, I can see the Abnegation girl had been sneering at the boy when they were saying whatever it was they were saying to each other. That changed in a flash as it morphs into a wicked smile that sends chills down even my spine and just as quick I get another shock when she springs into action.
She shoves the Candor from the train. It happened so fast that it wasn't until he was already in the air that there are reactions from around the roof from anyone that's actually paying attention. There are some gasps along with calls of surprise and laughter as he falls straight to the roof with surprising force and accuracy, a girly shriek tearing from him as he goes.
"Are you seeing this?" Chase said while gasping in laughter and disbelief from beside me.
Of course, I'm seeing it. I can't fucking look away. Especially when I see that directly after she shoved the mouth, she jumped herself while laughing all the way.
Whoever the hell the girl is she's handling this far better than she should be.
When she lands she goes into a roll. Letting the force of the jump carry her forward and not fighting against it like most newbies do. Instead, she goes into a tuck and roll then pops up, brushing herself off as if she just got a little dust on her jacket and she didn't just jump from a moving locomotive onto a seven-story roof.
I watch her with narrowed eyes trying to get a better look at her. Up until now she's either been far away, in motion or turned away from me, preventing me from seeing her face but allowing me to evaluate what I can see.
And honestly, she doesn't seem to be much of anything.
The grey clothes are typical for a stiff and swallow her up. She's short, maybe five-six or five-seven. What figure I can make out through the crap she's wearing seems to be rather boyish. No real indication of curves, but then again her clothes really are made to mask any of that per faction dictate. Abnegation seems to prefer to make their people look like carbon copies of each other with no regard to sex, rather androgynous.
Other people have joined her on the roof in rapid succession, but I haven't been able to look away. She's already an anomaly and I'm highly trained to keep an eye out for those. It won't matter to Jeanine that we haven't even started training today, she will expect for me to have a report for tonight on anything and everything that's out of the ordinary.
This girl is sure as fuck out of the ordinary.
She turns towards the train again and I catch sight of her face clearly for the first time to see her smiling widely. One look at her and that smile and I feel like I've just taken a punch to the gut.
The smile is so genuine and carefree. So alive.
I quickly turn away, working to contain whatever reaction I'm having and determine to focus on the other initiates around. But I keep watching out of the corner of my eyes despite my resolve.
Chase elbows me in my ribs and my head snaps to the side to look at him, a scowl on my lips that only deepens when I see the asshole isn't even looking at me. I follow his eyes, which are as wide as the grin on his face, and see what he's so focused on. It shouldn't surprise me that he's focused on just the person I'm trying not to focus on.
My refusal to focus on her fails completely as a bit of irritation and worry creep in when a Candor girl, who had been hovering over the Candor boy that was pushed from the train, then stomps her way over to the little stiff. She looks like she's ready to kill the girl in grey and also looks like she would be completely capable of it.
She's built like an Amazon.
"You could have killed him!" The Amazonian screeches out and goes to put her hands on the smaller girl, who just rolls her eyes and sidesteps the attack, causing the Amazon to stumble and trip to the ground.
"I could only hope to be so damn lucky." The little stiff mutters. She might be going for a quiet mutter but it doesn't come out that way and it wouldn't matter if she had been quiet, because all attention seems to be on her by now anyway.
I know all of my attention is on her. I can't even help the smirk that tilts my lips up at her response as Chase snorts out a laugh.
"And if you were observing closely, I aimed him precisely where I wanted him to hit with the perfect amount of force. Enough to make him scream like the little bitch he is but not enough to kill him." She pauses and sighs, almost dejectedly. "I'm still up in the air on whether I did him a favor, or all the rest of us a disservice. Time will tell though I guess." With that, she shrugs as if she really was torn about her decision then moves off.
Another Abnegation girl just careened to the roof and is apparently who the little stiff was waiting for. She scrambles over to where the new one is crumpled on the ground and tangled up with another damn Candor girl.
"Are we just being fucking invaded here?" I mutter angrily but still can't take my eyes off of the first girl.
"Mary Katherine! Did you have to push him? He wasn't going to hurt me." The new stiff isn't even standing when she launches into her scolding. But the other girl doesn't even acknowledge it other than to grimace a little when she hears her name.
Not that I blame her. I already hate the fucking name myself and I didn't have to spend a lifetime with it.
She helps her scolder up, then helps brush the gravel and dirt off the other girl's jacket, all while frowning. She locates a tear on the sleeve and scowls at a cut on her friends' arm before she lets her go and replies finally; a determined look in her eye and a stubborn lift of her chin.
"First of all, I was helping him get over his obvious feelings of inadequacy, shown by his need to fuck with you." She gives the other girl a pointed look before she continues. "Second of all, yes he would have and if you think different Beatrice , then you are in for a world of hurt during initiation. If you won't take my word for it, ask your friend here. They obviously know each other. I'm sure she can tell you all about the new resident dick of Dauntless."
I know with one look at the glare the Candor and his two friends are throwing to the girls that she isn't wrong. I can already determine that those three are going to use anyone they think might be weaker than them to make themselves look stronger, and they aren't going to be fair about it.
They'll be ones to watch.
"Last of all," she continues on, undaunted or unaware of the glares being sent her way, or the attention she's drawing to herself. "Please do not call me by that travesty of a name. I am and will only respond to Kat. If you're smart, you will change yours too, Bea. I mean unless you just want to live with an instant chastity belt tethered to you."
The Candor girls jaw, who is apparently friends with the other stiff, drops open while the other Abnegation turns red and gasps. "Mary Katherine!"
There are sputters of laughter all over and I look over at Chase who's holding in a laugh.
Kat, a much more fitting name, rolls her eyes and sighs.
"Lighten up Bea. It was a joke...sort of." She sighs but there's this tilt to her lips that has me tilting my head to the side and wondering what she's about to spout next as she shakes her head. "I really do think, dear sister, that our parents chose our names as an instant abstinence tactic." She crosses her arms and taps a finger to her chin as if in thought, but I can see it's anything but genuine. "Do you think they teach that in Abnegation initiation?" She lets her hands drop to her side, shifts her posture in a blink, and before me is standing the very picture of a perfect fucking stiff.
Bowed head and clasped hands behind the back. Even the way she hunches her shoulders forward seems to be pushing focus away from her, but there's still that glint in her eyes and the slight tilt of her lips as she keeps going with whatever little show she's putting on. "By the way fellow Stiffs, someday you will lay with a man or a woman and produce a new little stiff. We expect you to keep the tradition of leg locking names alive."
She says this all in an almost perfect imitation of the condescending tone of Marcus Eaton. Ripples of laughter make the way along the roof and while I don't laugh, I crack the first smile I've let loose in a very, very long time it seems.
I shake my head in wonder at this strange girl while Chase is holding his stomach he's laughing so hard. I honestly don't know what the hell to think. There's something going on with this girl but I don't have time to contemplate what it is.
All laughter, amusement, or chatter is cut off when a scream comes from the side of the roof where the train jumpers first land. I know before I even look over to the Dauntless-born pulling the girl from the edge what it means. I also know I'm going to be the one to have to deal with it as well.
Max looks at me and Chase, causing me to groan quietly and give him a curt nod of acknowledgment. I elbow Chase to get him moving. As we're leaving, I notice that Chase has his head turned to look over his shoulder, trying to get one more last look at the girl I think we both want to stay and observe.
I can't help but wonder if it might be for the same reason as me and how I feel about any of that.
I know I have a duty to take care of though.
My very last look, just before I go into the stairwell, is of Kat being pulled into a hug by three Dauntless-born, one being a Pedrad. My scowl at having to leave deepens at the look of affection on Uriah Pedrad's face before I lose sight of her completely.