[A/N: After much deliberation and obsessing, I have put this fic under a major edit and only slight re-write. This is will hopefully be a bit clearer on the vision I had for the story, world and more importantly the characters. I hope everyone enjoys!]
Disclaimer: I still do not own the divergent universe..that is all V Roth. I am still just the girl throwing stick figures into her thunder dome.
Chapter 3 - You Sure You're A Stiff?
Eric
It took a while to get the young Dauntless-born that hadn't made the jump off the pavement. Then I had to deal with the sister and hunt down the rest of the family. Once the family was notified and I left them making arrangements for the body and funeral, we had to deal with the sister to the girl who didn't make it and decide what to do with her.
Luckily, Chase had taken over with Rita. She would be given a chance to finish the jump from roof to net later during the day after she calmed down if she chose to even continue on. I still had to get the paperwork done and speak with Max though and this made me late to the welcoming lunch. But it had given me time to think.
My mind was full of the events from the roof, but specifically, they were full of Kat. I replayed what I had seen from her. Her attitude and gestures, and felt intrigued.
She's odd, that much is certain, but is that really an anomaly?
To find my answer would mean more investigation and I find that I'm not as upset about that idea as I thought I would be, as I should be. In fact, I'm looking forward to it. Which has me wondering why I'm really so interested in her if it isn't because she's someone I should keep an eye on for Jeanine.
Her words, 'Resident dick of Dauntless', run through my mind far too much. She's in for a surprise if she thought the Candor transfer has anything on that title when compared to me.
I don't care normally. In fact, I prefer that my reputation precedes me and sets the tone that needs to be set when dealing with the faction, but especially those who are new to it. I shouldn't care, but for some reason, I care very much that she's going to see me that way. I care that she's going to look at me with just as much fear, disgust or barely contained disdain as the other initiates from years previous ended up looking at me with.
How can she not when I know exactly how I'm going to treat her and every other initiate? There can be no favorites, no slack and no weakness allowed, and we have to be harder on those that are weak. The odds of her coming from Abnegation and not being the weakest are very slim and this just ensured that when it comes to dealing with her, she will soon see me at my cruelest.
I shoved those thoughts, and unwanted worries, aside as I make my way to the dining hall. Instead, channeling my irritation on something else.
I hadn't even found out who jumped first or been able to see it for myself. Now I have to go find Four and pass along a message to him from Max. For some reason, the old man thought that it's a great idea for me to be the one to convince Four that he should reconsider that long-ago decision to turn down leadership. As if I need a reminder of the fact that it was Four who was offered my spot in leadership and the only reason I got it was because number boy had turned it down in the first place. I get enough digs at my near failure to secure a leadership position already from Jeanine, I don't need it from Max too.
So, that just made my mood take a nosedive from the brief lift it had on the roof with Kat.
The only good part of the fact that I'm playing messenger is that I might be able to see or interact with Kat again. It's pretty likely she sat with the other transfers and they tended to all lump together in awe and worship of Four, so it would be killing two birds with one stone.
When I finally do reach the table the only stiff sitting by number boy isn't the one I'm looking for. I pass my message along as fast as I can, but I can't help taunting the stiff girl and Four at the same time.
It didn't cross my mind until after I had clapped Four on the back, much harder than needed, that I don't count Kat in that taunt or even as a stiff.
With a frown, I make my way over to the table where Chase and Zach will be holding a place for me.
I admit I have to work hard to keep the surprise and pleasure from my face when I see Kat sitting at the very same table my friends are at.
She's sitting among the other Dauntless-born and members that she seems to be acquainted with. Primarily surrounded by the Pedrad brothers and their little group. She's sandwiched between the older brother Zeke Pedrad, who's from the same year group as me, and his younger brother, Uriah Pedrad. I know he has two close friends, Marlene and Lynn, who are both there as well. One of them is on the other side of Zeke while the other is on the other side of the table, directly opposite of Kat.
They all look to be deep in conversation, my friends included. I take a seat next to Chase, who is laughing at whatever is being said and hasn't even bothered to take his eyes off of Kat. I feel a sudden and unexpected surge of jealousy but quickly shove that down and scold myself. There are so many reasons why that's wrong that I can't even list them all, but I go through a mental rundown of them anyways.
One. She's an initiate and transfer at that. The only way I need to be looking at her, is how best to turn in her into a proper soldier. Not how best to get her in my bed.
Two. Abnegation. Need I say more?
Three. The chances someone of her physical stature winning out over the others is slim to none. Meaning she likely won't last past the first fight much less last the entire initiation.
Four. I'm going to be directly involved in her training and her evaluations and too much could be held against her if anyone ever found out. Besides, getting involved even a little would possibly give her and others ammunition against me and that's unacceptable .
Five. Four. Though, that actually might be a point in favor of getting some action from her, if only to be able to have something to throw in his face for once.
Six. Like I even fucking have a chance in hell of getting anywhere with a girl from Abnegation. I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up getting with fucking number boy at some point. He's much more her speed.
This last reason irritated me beyond belief. It's also the one that I got stuck on when I started that list and has me arguing with myself in my own mind even now, at least an hour after I started it.
One part of me is thinking that it's ridiculous, considering all I'm really going to want with her is what I want from any other girl, and that wouldn't be anything meaningful. So, it wouldn't be any skin off my back if she didn't want anything to do with me but might be amusing to at least try.
Then there is another voice, an annoying as hell voice that seems to be coming from nowhere, telling me that I'm just fooling myself if I think I'm not wanting exactly that. Something..more..than just simply getting her in my bed.
I guess at some point my arrival is finally noted by my friends. Zach passes over a bowl of ketchup, which I slap onto the bun for my burger sloppily and pretend not to give a shit about the people around me. I feel rather than see them exchanging looks before Chase knocks his elbow against mine, making my scowl deepen when some of the ketchup plops onto my hand.
"We both lost out, by the way," Chase tells me as he hands over a napkin for me to wipe my hand with.
"What?" I ask as I stop everything and look at him fully for the first time. Even now when talking to me his attention is half focused Kat's way and I feel intense anger growing in me.
Chase obviously has an interest in her.
From the looks, he's been giving her every time I've caught him looking her way, to the smile playing on his lips even now, I know. It shouldn't, but this is causing jealousy in me. Jealousy that, I almost think I could get over if it went that way between him and Kat. He's my brother in all but blood and I'm not going to let a girl of all things come between us.
I almost think I could manage it for him. But even the thought of it being someone else…
"What?" I grind out, repeating the question, as my short nails cut into my palms.
Chase turns back to me and frowns, then shrugs before answering. "The first jumper bet. We both lost it."
It takes a moment for that to register and the rage to subside. My scowl lessens slightly, but not by much. I think my face might honestly be frozen into this position.
"So not a Dauntless-born or a Candor. Who was it then?"
Chase grins and laughs. "One guess." Then he turns his head to tilt and indicates Kat.
It's like that gesture is giving me permission to really look at her and I almost regret it.
She's still wearing the grey clothing of Abnegation. There hasn't been time for the transfers to be shown to the dorms or to be given their gear yet, but already little changes have taken place.
Her hair isn't in the tight bun anymore and is hanging freely, letting me get a good look at it finally. It's long, going down to the middle of her back and looks completely different than the simple blonde I deemed it when we were on the roof. It looks thick and heavy. The way it falls around her shoulders is a mix of waves and straight, appearing like it can't make its mind up how it wants to be. She has it tucked behind her ears and it frames her face, giving me a free view of her profile close up, and I admit it's much more pleasing than I gave her credit for earlier. There's something on her lashes that make them look absurdly thick and long. Her lips have some kind of gloss on them that just makes me want to…..
I shake my head and take a breath before I turn back to Chase, then smirk when his words register for me.
She's my first jumper? Well, that'll help her with points to start out with. It won't count for much if she can't follow up with something quickly, but it's a start. Something for me to work with.
I get back to my lunch while keeping an ear open for what's going on at the table.
Bits of conversation float down to me and I realize they're talking about what happened on the roof with the Candor she pushed.
Uriah and Zeke Pedrad are grilling her about what went on, with Uriah being way too concerned and close for my comfort, but at least he's getting information out of her for me. So, whatever I'm…. feeling…. about him, can wait.
"So, he started going after your sister as soon as you got on the train, but not you?" Uri frowns as he asked this.
Kat nods while taking a sip from her cup. She grimaces then looks into it before she looks over at Zeke's cup. With an impish smile, she switches the two. "Thank you for the offering of your coffee. Such a gentleman." Her tone is cheeky before she takes a sip, closes her eyes and lets out a sigh of pleasure.
Zeke is sitting there with wide, confused and amused eyes. Uri laughs at his brother's expression. "I should mention that we made Kat into a coffee addict at some point over the last three years. It got so bad that if we didn't show up with a thermos for her before school, then bad things were in the forecast."
"I know you thought you were being cute by trying to give the little stiff girl enough caffeine to make her so hyper that time would stop, but it kinda backfired on you. Thank you for introducing me to this particular brand of ambrosia, though. It definitely got me through my long days of secret training, volunteering, school, more secret training and then sleep." Kat shrugs and sips more coffee before she puts the cup down and picks up her burger.
Okay. That's a bit of a revelation, but it also just makes me even more curious and adds to the questions I have piling up in regards to her. It does explain that she knows the Dauntless-born but not how that even began.
Not to mention, why all the secret training in the first place?
"Back to the train," Zeke waves all that away with a grin before getting serious again. "Why do you think he went after your sister and not you?" He asks around a bite of his food.
Kat tilts her head in thought and then shrugs. "Honestly? When we reached the train she had more trouble getting on so he probably saw her as the weaker of the two of us. It wasn't much to go on, but that could be one reason. He might've also have guessed the easiest way to get under my skin is to pick on my sister. I wasn't exactly quiet when he started in on the both of us, but when he focused on her, I can admit I probably gave him what he wanted when he got a rise out of me. He just didn't figure that while for most people getting under their skin might result in the exchanging of words or even flustering them, I tend to not be like most people."
Lynn, who I almost didn't recognize because of her shaved head, laughs and shakes her head with a proud smile as she looks around Zeke at Kat. "Ain't that the fucking truth, Kat. Seriously though, your sister's face when you made the joke about those names being chastity belts and leg lockers...fucking priceless!" She pauses takes a sip of her drink and gets a glint in her eye as glances back over at Kat. "I almost wonder if that was the same face your mom had as she listened to the grunts and pounding coming from behind your door that day."
Until that moment, I was starting to feel a bit of what I felt on the roof earlier. A lightness from her humor and smile that were working on me, lightening my mood again even if just a little. So, while I wasn't smiling or laughing, my lips were twitching a little when listening to Kat talking.
All that went out the window with that last little tidbit said by her friend.
"What?" I bark out before I even think about it.
Kat jerks a little and looks down my way. I swear, I see recognition pass over her eyes for a moment. She swallows, and her skin pinks in a blush that shouldn't look sexy, but automatically have images going through my mind.
Chase clears his throat and shoots me his 'chill out' warning look when he realizes my glare isn't going to lessen until I get an answer. "Kat this is…"
He didn't get to finish because she interrupts him. "Eric Coulter, Second in Command to Senior Leader Max Cornell. Yes, sir. I recognize you from the council meetings I attended in the past." She nods respectfully to me and my glare does lessen a fraction.
Pleasure floods me that she not only knows me but is also showing me respect. It isn't the snide respect shown to me by others that masked their contempt for me until they could get out of my presence again. This is real respect, not the fear that has her friends, as well as the others at the table, holding their breaths and tensed wondering what I'm going to do.
I wouldn't and couldn't let any type of hope that it will continue, but I can enjoy this singular moment.
I nod back to her but that's it. My scowl is still in place and my eyes haven't lost their intensity. I can't back down when the need to know what the hell was going on behind that closed door is riding me so hard. Not to mention that there is a building feeling so intense I don't know what will happen if the answer is anywhere close to where my mind is going right now.
The fear these people at the table are feeling right now might be justified.
"Kat. Please...don't let me interrupt your story." I motion with my head pointedly for her to go ahead.
She flushes, even more, turning her ears red as she shoots a glare to her friend. Lynn just gives her a small sheepish look and shrug of her shoulders then and waits with the rest of us.
"Well, it isn't what I'm sure someone was meaning it to sound like. But I'm pretty sure that was what my mother thought it was as she stood outside of the door, expecting to walk in and catch me in flagrante delicto…."
"What the hell is that?" Uri bursts out with his forehead scrunched up in a scowl.
Meanwhile, I feel my eyebrow arching up at the fact that Kat even knows the turn of phrase to be able to use it. I debate educating the kid before his brother beats me to it.
"Come on, brother. I know you don't have much of it up there, but you do at least have some brains. What do you think she was talking about, to begin with?"
"Sex, but what does that have to do with…" He trails off and you can see the light bulb go off, lighting up his eyes as he starts to grin again. "Oh, I get it."
Everyone started laughing at this. Kat shakes her head, laughing, but still red around the ears. "I doubt you get the full meaning, but you understand enough about it. To help you out though, one of the definitions is that you're caught in the act." She shrugs off the snorts of laughter from her friends at Uriah's expense and continues on. "Anyways, her face was pretty much what I think you were imagining, Lynn. When she saw what I was doing I got the impression that she didn't know what was worse; what she thought I was doing when she heard or what I was actually doing when she opened the door."
"So, what the hell were you doing?" Chase huffed and threw out in a frustrated tone, clearly not being able to stand any more of not knowing as much as I'm feeling.
Kat didn't answer. She had just taken a bite of her burger. It was her other friend Marlene that put everyone out of their misery by answering while laughing.
"Kat had made a punching bag from her mattress, tape, and blankets. Then she found a way to hang it from the ceiling in her room. The sound was from her hitting and kicking the thing. I remember you said your mom was supposed to be out or something and that's why you were doing it in the middle of the day right?"
Kat swallowed and grinned in a way I was coming to love. It felt like there was a small piece of the sun shining in the smile with just a hint of something teasing in there as well.
"Yeah. My parents have always been pretty great about giving us privacy and leaving our rooms alone. So, while I had the thing hanging up forever and no one ever saw it, I couldn't exactly wail on it while they were home. I thought she would be out volunteering for a while and was looking forward to getting a good hour or so in. It was kind of funny because she didn't say a word to me. She just stared at me in shock as I stood there all sweaty and chest heaving from having been in midstream of my form. Then she wiped all emotion from her face, turned and walked out of the door."
Uri grinned at her again with a look of fondness while shaking his head. "You know when you told us that I had always wondered one thing, Kat. I never asked before, but if that was your mattress and blankets, then what the hell did you sleep on?"
His tone was serious, worried even and I saw that reflected in the other two friends along with a look of relief from them. I guess he asked the question they have all had among them. The question and their expressions are enough to cause the same worry in me along with a few other things, but I don't let it show other than my body tensing slightly. The few seconds wait for her answer feels like an eternity as I lift a cup to my lips and try to appear normal and unaffected.
The entire time thoughts of Marcus Eaton and the rumored treatment of his son run through my mind. I know all too well that those rumors had more truth behind them than anyone else knows about, and even they don't cover how bad it really had been. Those thoughts combined with the anger I'm already feeling has it steadily increasing and I don't even know if there is a real reason to be feeling any kind of anger.
What the fuck is going on with me and this girl?
Kat shrugs casually, clearly not picking up on the worry behind her friends' expressions. "Well, I couldn't exactly go to my parents and say; 'Hey, I need a new mattress and blankets since I'm using mine to secretly train to fight '. I made the choice and sacrifice knowing what I would have to do. But to answer your question, at the time, I slept on the floor mostly. When it was cold, I used the bathtub. I could also go to Tris' room and sleep with her on really cold nights, but I couldn't do that often or she would question things. That was all before mom saw what I was doing though. She never said a word about the incident and I never did either, but the next day there was a mattress on my bed with two blankets."
I quirked an eyebrow in surprise and tilted my head, unable to remain an observer content to let everyone else ask the questions around me anymore. "Was the…. punching bag...still there?"
Internally, I'm chuckling at the entire image the story conjures up in mind. This tiny girl in her room back in Abnegation with some cobbled together punching bag hanging from the ceiling. I can also admit it impresses the hell out of me, the level of her dedication and creativity.
She looks over at me and nods but our eyes hold for longer than necessary. A blush starts to form on her cheeks, faint but still there, before she answers. "Yes, Sir. I think she might have been positive I would just make another and she wouldn't have been wrong. I would have."
The entire time our eyes are locked on each other. I smirk, not only at her answer but at her reaction to me. It's small, but it's there, and it leaves me feeling something it shouldn't. I nod curtly and wipe the smirk from my face as I look back at my food and go back to eating. For the remainder of lunch, I keep a subtle eye and ear on that part of the table while contemplating and analyzing the things going on in my mind and with my emotions.
Something happened on that roof this morning that I needed to just fucking admit to so I could find a way to get over it.
Something in me…. I don't know… woke up , and it's unlike anything I have ever felt before. It's like desire, but not at the same time. It's something much more intense.
For a few minutes after realizing this I have the thought that maybe it isn't necessarily a bad thing and it's something that could be resolved by simply getting the kind physical relief with Kat that I have with plenty of others before her. If before I do that I'm able to get a little payback against Four by drawing it out and taunting him before I go in for the kill, well, that can't hurt things either. It could be exactly what I need. Except, before I even completed these thoughts I'm dismissing them in disgust.
I've always found it repulsive how the vultures, both male and female, can't wait to swoop in and prey on the new blood. Some of them specifically go for the ones they know won't be around for long or if they can't rank high enough to be put in any job other than the fence where they won't have to see them again.
It's fucking pathetic and I refuse to be one of those people no matter what I'm trying to get out of my system.
Besides, she isn't something to be made a conquest of. Not for me and for damn sure not any of these other assholes in the faction. Kat is meant for something else and that isn't anything I can act on. It's not something I should act on.
It's not something I will act on.
I slam my cup back down on the table with a little more force than needed and grip it tightly while glaring over at my best friend when I, once again, catch the looks he's sending her way. I can't act on whatever the hell this is I'm feeling, but that doesn't mean I can allow my best friend to do what I can't.
Never before have we ever stepped into this territory during our friendship, but it looks like the two of us are going to have to have a talk and soon.
"I wish you could stay in the dorm with us." Marlene lamented as she stabbed a fork into her cake.
Lunch is thankfully nearing the end, and everyone is working on their dessert. Chocolate cake is the favored thing in Dauntless but there are various other flavors that also make appearances. Days like today there is more of the chocolate to go around since it's a celebration, and everyone is digging in with enthusiasm.
Watching Kat have her first piece of the sweet is testing me in ways that shouldn't be possible. I watch as she licks her lips to get the little bit of frosting that is on her lip and just shrugs in response to her friends' statement.
That innocent little move, her tongue darting out and flicking her ridiculously natural looking pouty lips, has me hard in an instant.
Chase groans a little beside me, but I keep mine in, thankfully.
I avert my eyes, adjust myself discreetly and reply to something Zach is asking me about plans for the rest of the day.
After this lunch, I'm technically free. Dauntless is going to be in party mode to celebrate the new recruits being welcomed. This year is the first one in a few years and that means it's expected to be a bit rowdier than normal. So, technically all leaders are free to join in. I know that myself and a few of the other main and senior members are going to be stationing ourselves around the Pit to keep an eye on things. Especially keeping an eye on those new people to make sure they don't get into anything they shouldn't on their first day.
Four approaches the table looking like a mother hen coming to collect a wayward chick. I could tell he's already in lecture mode. That isn't exactly a surprise, I just wonder what took him so long to come to collect the girl I know he's thinking of as his, being a transfer and all.
I look over at Kat when I noticed a complete change in her from just a few seconds ago. When I last let myself look at her she was laughing and relaxed. Thoroughly enjoying her cake and talking to Marlene, reassuring her that she would be fine in the dorm with the other transfers. Even joking that it isn't her that Marlene should be worried about but the other people if they decide to try something stupid. Then I saw out of the corner of my eye a change that had her living up to the nickname given to her old faction with how stiff she became. Her hands are clenched where they lay on the table on either side of the half-eaten cake lying forgotten on her plate and she is staring straight ahead with a blank look.
"Chase, I'm going to need help with some programming issues that I'm going to ask Zeke to take care of." He pauses long enough to let Chase make some kind of agreement. "Zeke, can I get your help in control? There are some systems that need reports run on some coding but I have the initiates to take to the dorms and give them the rundown on the rules." Four speaking drew my attention back to him and I don't like what I'm seeing at all.
First of all, his eyes keep straying back to Kat while he's talking. Disapproval is written all over his face with the thinned lips and wrinkled brow.
His tone isn't as bland or bored sounding as it normally is. It's tired and almost wary, as are the looks he is shooting her way. I also couldn't help observing Kat's reaction as soon as he started to speak. Her shoulders had an increase in tension with a frown that appeared and deepened with his words.
My jaw clenches and my own lips thin. There's something going on between these two. Some kind of obvious tension that I intend to get to the bottom of.
"I'll take the initiates to the dorm and give them the rules. You go handle the systems that need to be fixed." My tone plainly let him know that I would have no argument and my eyes are deadly cold as I fix them on Four, just daring him to push me on the issue.
Four rocks a little on the balls his feet as he looks at Kat, not once at me despite the fact that I'm the one addressing him. I take a quick glance back at her and see a little of the tension has eased in her shoulders. She is even looking at me with a flash of something I can only define as relief in her eyes.
I look back at Four to find him glaring at me.
"Fine," he grumbles his reply to me then looks right back at her. "Kat, you might want to join your sis…." He stops speaking and grimaces a little. I know he has to realize his tone is bordering on personal, more familiar than he should be with a new initiate. "Join the other initiates at the table soon. It'll be good to get to know those you'll be training with the most." He finishes with a command and a scowl.
"I appreciate the suggestion…. Sir. I'll take that under advisement but I believe that the nine hours I'll be spending with them every day will be more than they could handle of me. Based on the range of stupidity that will be gathered around me I'm sure breaking them in slowly might be the best approach here." Her eyes are cold and there is a sneer on her lips as she looks at, and addresses, Four.
I could tell there were some people that are confused and even shocked at the lack of respect in her tone towards Four, who is generally well liked and heavily respected in Dauntless.
Me? I feel fucking amused at the lack of what she freely gave me earlier. It's a complete role reversal from what seems to be the standard operating procedure in my faction. Kat's friends, however, all snickered until Four shoots a glare that silences them.
Zeke coughs and stands with a smile, obviously trying not to laugh as he shakes his head. "Come on Four. I'll see what I can do to help fix whatever mess they made up there."
Zeke claps a hand on Four's shoulder and gives him no choice but to go.
Pedrad is probably trying to head off the storm that was about to erupt with the way Four and I are glaring at each other. I could just feel the rage at him, that I had been doing so well in holding back this morning, build by the second at his familiar tone and looks at Kat.
When they're out of sight she relaxes, and I hear her let out a little breath. I can't do the same because, once again, I'm caught up in questions that are demanding answers right now.
Chase tilts his head and asked the question I know we're both wondering. "Do you know Four?"
They're both from Abnegation originally, but there have been a lot of years between Four transferring and her own transfer today. So it could go either way.
Kat hesitates before she answers and casts a sideways look at Chase while she shakes her head. "I can honestly say that I do not know Four."
There is an emphasis on the name that's subtle and slightly mocking. Reminding me all too much of how I say the name the coward picked to hide his real name.
Zach shrugs and smiles in response, but I can see he picked up on it too. He looks at me for a split second and I give a small nod, hoping he will continue on to get more information. "Usually all the new female initiates are all moony-eyed or drooling over him."
As nauseating as that is, he isn't wrong. There really have been times where I wondered if the girls in his fucking class did anything besides flirt or drool. Zach is using this to test the waters though, and he hits pay dirt with her reaction to his statement. She was in the middle of eating and started to choke on whatever it was she had been chewing on. She starts gasping and hitting her chest to dislodge whatever she is choking on. Through all that, I could just make out the laughter under it. Her eyes are full of amusement as they tear up.
Lynn had moved over to sit beside her when Zeke vacated the seat. So when she started to choke, Lynn starting patting her back hard, trying to help her. Kat quickly brushes her off then picks up her cup and took a few slow drinks.
A smile plays on her lips after she lowers the cup and clears her throat. She looks like she is about to reply to Zach but she ends up looking at him and bursting into laughter while shaking her head from side to side.
Everyone that's around and was following what is going on have various states of confused expressions. I know I'm trying to figure out what the hell was so funny about Zach's statement. I also know that just seeing her reaction, before I even know more about what caused it, has me feeling relief and amusement.
It can't be a bad thing that's how she reacts to Four, right?
"Something funny about that?" I ask, lips twitching and the amusement coming through even if I'm trying to hold it in.
Kat nods vigorously with a smile still playing on her lips. "Yes sir, pretty much everything. There would just be no way I would ever…" She chokes again but this time on laughter before she continues on. "I mean, I'm sure he has his good points and is respected around here…. just not my type. I may not know much about what type I have but...not…"
The entire thing is said between bouts of gasped laughter and her hand at her chest as if she's working hard to breathe. It's a silly kind of laughter that borders on hysterical.
Mar frowns at Kat. "What's wrong with him? I happen to think…"
Uri bristles beside his pseudo-girlfriend and looks at her with a scowl. "You happen to think what?" He demands but there is a whine in his voice.
Mar winces and shrugs. "Well, I mean he is nice looking."
Kat laughs even louder before she calms down and grins. "Okay. If you say so." Then she taps the table with the flat of her hand to get the attention of Uri and Mar, who are in a silent argument going by their eyeing each other. "Hey, didn't you say we have the rest of the day off after we get changing and all of that other stuff out of the way?"
Lynn and Mar grin at her and nod, while Lynn is the one to answer. "Were you going to join us after you get changed or are you going to stick with your sister?"
Kat chews her lip in thought and looks truly torn. She finally shakes her head with a small frown that quickly turns back into a smile for her friends. "Nah, it wouldn't be good to put someone in the clinic on the first night by trying to put up with them. We'll be fighting soon. That should satisfy that craving for me in due time." She winks playfully at them. "Besides, you guys mentioned something about showing me the rock-climbing wall. Then there's that supposedly badass tattoo artist you wanted to introduce me to and you three were kind enough to offer my first tattoo as a welcome home gift."
What the hell? Was this girl ever really a stiff?
Lynn laughs heartily and nods her agreement. "That sounds good. Just remember, no piercings until after fights."
Kat arches an eyebrow with a sniff before giving Lynn a pointed look. Her eyes moving over her friends face focussing on the septum piercing in her nose.
"Funny coming from you, Lynn. Maybe I'll get one that can't be easily located or exploited." She stops and shakes her head with a scowl. "Also, wasn't it you that lectured me about going into any fight thinking that I'm going to even let my opponent close enough to exploit something and how I might as well hand them the match?"
Lynn sniffs with a smirk before getting a sly look in her eyes. "Where would you get one then?"
Kat turns a little red at the obvious attempt to embarrass her, but she shrugs it off quickly. "If I get one anywhere other than my ears or nose you mean? I'd most likely go with that place that I almost ripped yours from that one time."
Kat grins wickedly at Lynn as she pales and pulls an arm across her chest protectively. Answering the question I had of where the hell that had been from, and had me shifting uncomfortably, again.
"That wasn't funny! That hurt like a bitch and was a dirty way to break out of that hold." Lynn replies in an indignant tone while turning red and scowling at Kat.
Kat doesn't look a bit ashamed as she shrugs and lowers her voice, almost but not quite muttering a reply. "Never said I don't fight dirty. Too many encounters with the Factionless not to learn to fight back any way I could."
Her response has me and Chase exchanging looks. While my friend is frowning, my face goes blank in the way I have of concealing anything I might be feeling inside.
That was said way to casually for my liking. Not to mention it's dredging up old feelings and memories for me. Not that I can't commend her for knowing that sometimes you have to get dirty to win, but it makes me wonder even more about her while at the same time wanting to pull far away from finding anything else out.
It feels like a dangerous path towards an attachment I can't afford.
"Look, guys," Kat breaks through my thoughts making me look her way again, and I find her looking over at the table where the other transfers, and her sister, are sitting. She's frowning heavily at whatever she's seeing over there. "I'm going to go over to check on my sister. She doesn't look like she's comfortable with how close that farm boy is sitting to her. I'll meet you three at the Pit after I get changed and can make my escape. If I can drag Tris away from the Candor girl in a clean break, I want to bring her along so you guys can finally meet her."
The three of them all agree quickly while Uri says something about calling in the cavalry to help ship someone back to the farm if it gets too bad. She just grins wickedly at him with a nod, says goodbye to the rest of us, and moves off to be with her sister.
I wait until it looks like all the transfers have eaten and are ready to go. This also gives me time to compose myself. I still have to take them to the dorms and give them the rules, and that means more time in her proximity.
The looks the others gave to Kat when I announce the cuts bothered me a hell of a lot more than they should. Some are pitying but most are calculating.
Her sister is on the receiving end of the same mix, but I really could care less about that, or what she might be thinking or feeling.
I care about what Kat is thinking.
I want to know why she didn't turn white when the factionless were brought up while the others around her did, and some even gave horrified gasps. Even her sister flinched at the mention of the new home anyone cut could expect to join.
What was she thinking when she gritted her teeth together and lifted her chin to glare off into the distance with a look that could only be called defiance?
Is she really as fearless as she looks, as her friends were kidding with her about? Is she really as confident as she's coming off or is that all an act? Is anything that her friends have been saying, that they have all been talking about, true?
I listened closely to everything they were saying at the table, so I caught all the references to the secret training they have supposedly been up to. I know the story of her so-called punching bag hanging in her room back in Abnegation.
All of this is hinting at the possibility that she just might make it and I find myself secretly hoping she does.
Hope.
That's not a word in my vocabulary and it definitely isn't something that I've felt before. At least, not in a very, very long time.
Hope is a weakness that can be exploited, and it's dangerous, but it feels…. good… to have it.
Once again, I realize that something is happening to me. There are parts of me that are waking up that might be better left buried. I'm just not sure if I want them to stay that way or not. It feels like some kind of life is coming back to me. It's in an almost painful way, though. Like when a limb has been cut off from blood circulation for so long that it burns and throbs when it gets the blood flow back.
That's just another point in favor of me not getting involved with this girl in any other way than what falls in my line of duty. No matter how good it feels that parts of me are waking up when I am near her, it's just something I can't risk.
Because hope fails and when she doesn't make it, if I've allowed myself to give into this, it'll just hurt me more in the end. That's something I swore I would never again allow to happen.
Later on that night I find myself in the Pit after a long phone conference that caused me to miss dinner. When I finally made it, Chase and Zach were already camped out at what is unofficially our spot. They have a beer waiting for me on the table and I gratefully drop onto the bench carved from a bit of the rock that makes up most of the Dauntless compound.
I drink deeply and look at those scattered around me, spotting Kat and her group instantly. It probably isn't a coincidence that they aren't too far off from us. I would have done the same thing that my friends have done and gotten as close to them as I could without drawing too much attention.
"How was it?" Zach asks me from across the table and I know he's referring to the goddamn conference call that Jeanine kept me tied up on.
I shrug and set the bottle of beer down. "About as good as those things normally go. I honestly tuned most of it out."
They give knowing nods and grins before we resume drinking and watching the people around us.
The initiates look to be all gathered in the Pit, taking part in the celebrations around them and getting to know each other. I watch Kat from where I'm sitting as she laughs and talks with her friends and other Dauntless-born initiates. The transfers are in that same area, but look to be sticking to themselves. I can see Kat's sister among them. Sometimes it looks like the two of them are talking to each other across the groups, but otherwise, they don't interact too much with each other or the other groups.
It looks like the sisters are divided on the friends they have made or are making, and it makes me wonder what kind of result that's going to have on initiation for them.
On one hand, having Dauntless-born friends could be good for gaining knowledge or support for someone coming from another faction. On the other hand, that's really limited because the only times she's going to be able to really interact with them, at least during the first stage of initiation, is when there's no training going on.
In my own initiation year, I formed very few connections. Chase was in that same year with me while Zach was already a member by then and had been friends with Chase back in Candor. So, I got where the sister was coming from in keeping to those she might have already connected with among the group she will be spending the most time with. But something I learned the hard way myself is that it's better to start putting yourself in the mind frame that you're already Dauntless and not a Dauntless-to-be.
Transfers tend to have a harder time relating to their new faction because they cling too hard to the old ways. They don't know it but that's something we, the leaders and instructors, look for and if needed take action against. It doesn't help that the Dauntless around them treat them like outsiders even more as a result of this behavior from transfers.
It's a right of passage to come down on the initiates and mess with them. Dauntless-born aren't exempt from this but they are usually expecting it already. Those transfers that don't try to fit in, however, get singled out the most. Not even fucking Four had been immune to this our year and I certainly didn't fare better. Incidents of hazing could be fairly cruel and brutal, and while not all of them went so far as physical harm, it's been known to happen.
So who will be better off in the end if they keep this up?
It's intriguing to me because I've always been for putting the classes together again. My initiation class was so small that it hadn't made sense to keep the Dauntless-born away from the transfers and I think the class benefited from it. I know of one or two transfers that were credited for helping a few of the Dauntless-born out. The argument that Dauntless-born is too advanced, so need to be kept separate, doesn't hold water.
Maybe this would be a chance to prove that it could work?
Kat is surrounded by the Dauntless-born to the point that she even looks the part. I guess they took her shopping because she isn't in the normal clothing that we issue to the initiates to start out with.
The first clothes given to transfers are always a jumble of sizes that never seem to be the right ones for the person that's wearing them. We also stick to issuing out only a few of the t-shirts, tank tops, and pants that are all meant for working out. They're meant to last just the first few days until they can get themselves to the commissary with a voucher to be kitted out a little better.
With how she looks, if I hadn't seen her wearing the grey myself, I would never believe she had even come from Abnegation. It makes me wonder if she followed through on that mention of piercings and tattoos or not. That would be something a Dauntless-born would have the balls to do on day one that a transfer wouldn't. I could just see her doing that though, and it took everything in me not to saunter over her and find out for myself.
Her sister, on the other hand, is clearly wearing the clothing that we issue. It's obvious by the baggy shirt that swallows her and pants she keeps tugging to try and hold up. She looks awkward in them and with the people around her.
I guess we're all watching Kat and her group closely because Zach pulls me out of my reflections when he speaks up. "It'll be interesting to see how she does in training compared to the other transfers if even half of what they were saying at lunch is true."
I nod and look at him to see him eyeing me and Chase with a slightly worried expression. A glance over at my other friend tells me why. Chase doesn't even look at Zach as he nods back, keeping his eyes on Kat and causing me to force the scowl from my face as I look away from Zach's all too knowing eyes and the reminder of the potential storm on the horizon.
"We can hope she might be as good as we're thinking based on their talk at lunch," Chase responds finally with a frown.
There's that hope word again. Apparently, it's fucking contagious.
I give a grunt and nod my head in response as I look back over at Kat and try seeing her through eyes not tainted with the disorientating mix of sappy and lustful feelings that are trying to take over.
I have my trainer eyes on now as I appraise her for the first time.
She isn't as small as her sister muscle wise, but it's easier for me to tell that with what she's wearing as opposed to the sack her sister has on. It isn't all that revealing, but the form-fitting long-sleeves do hint at some kind of muscle definition to her slender arms.
There isn't that much height difference between the two girls, but Kat might be slightly taller. That really isn't saying much, though. 'Cause both girls are tiny when compared to any of the male initiates; transfers and Dauntless-born combined.
There aren't many that are as tall as I am, but they're all at least double the girl's size. The only exception to that is the squat redhead Candor transfer, Drew. He's about the same height as the two of them, maybe a little taller, but makes up for that in his build. He's stocky and once he gets some tone and fitness going he'll be built like a bulldog.
Zach's right though. It'll be interesting to find out what's true and what's not in all that we heard. Even with how open they seemed to be in talking about that, there was a slight air of secretiveness about Kat. Like even with her friends there's something she kept back or was hesitant to be out in the open about.
It wasn't until she moved off to sit with her sister that the other three started talking in almost hushed voices and making predictions about when Kat would be up the next morning to start training on her own. They all agreed she would be up well before it was time, they were just debating how early she's going to try to get away with. I'm left with the impression that it's likely she will get at it as early as possible.
I shouldn't be thinking what I'm thinking.
I shouldn't be thinking about arranging to be in the training room much less thinking about offering to help her here and there. Even if I could justify it as keeping an eye on her and getting answers to questions about her, it's still a line of thought that I should stop in its tracks right now.
This is, not only dangerous but is stepping way to close to the line of favoritism.
I shouldn't be thinking anything that I've been since she set foot on the roof, but I can't seem to fucking help myself.
So many unanswered questions and if there's one thing I've never been able to tolerate it is not knowing something. Like my obsession with trying to figure out the plot to any mystery book or movie before anyone else, it becomes something I won't let go until I have ripped all the mystery away. I live to expose secrets and things that people or places try to keep hidden. It's just the way I'm wired and always have been. But it's been ages since I have felt any kind of excitement like I feel when confronted with the mystery she is to me.
How did she come to be so different than any Abnegation I've ever known or seen? Even fucking number boy, the Dauntless prodigy, but especially him.
What's their deal? I don't believe she didn't know him from before, not with their reactions to each other. She was disrespectful and mocking straight off the bat in a way that can only come from past involvement or some kind of hard feelings.
Was it romantic in nature? Are they still involved and had some kind of fight before she transferred over? Are they trying to act like they can't stand each other to maybe throw anyone off the line of thought that they're involved?
If so, Kat is one hell of a fucking actress with how she reacted when it was hinted she could have some interest in Four. She looked almost as amused as she was horrified.
I get so carried away in thinking about Four and Kat being involved, even coming up with ways to try and ferret out the truth and make him pay if he is, that I don't even catch anything my friends are or have been saying until hearing my name catches my ear again.
"I swear, it's like she even thinks like Eric. Did you catch what she said after she pushed that kid from the train before you made your way down to the net, Zach? She said that she'd done it knowing where she was aiming and how much force she needed to use to make sure she didn't kill him. Then in the next breath, she muttered that she didn't know if she did him the favor or the rest of us the disservice. I swear, I could see those words coming from Eric's mouth." Chase laughingly retold the story with his bottle raised then took a drink.
I shrugged with a grin, not disputing it at all.
They're right, and I thought so even at the time. I could see myself saying and doing something like that. Although, I probably would have been a hell of a lot more cruel or brutal about it. I know I would have at least made sure something was broken or bleeding on him by the end of it. I also would never have sounded as playful as she did. The words from her might have suggested she's capable of it, but there's something about her that tells me it would take a lot more than someone just mouthing off at her for to really do harm.
That isn't a problem we share.
Is that why I'm so drawn to her, though? Is she like me enough that what I'm really feeling is an appreciation for it?
She's obviously intelligent and I can't fault her guts for coming into things like she has. She might not know she's making herself a target, but it also doesn't seem like she really cares if she is. In fact, I think with a frown, it's almost like she wants to make herself a target after that performance on the roof. But even then, her humor is something I appreciate and enjoy. Even when I can tell some of it has a calculated edge to it.
All of that combined, along with the fact that she's pretty, stunning even, would draw anyone in I think. It's pretty freaking obvious it has Chase just as much as it has me.
But I wonder if my friends are finding anything about her unsettling, though? Intelligence, humor, the constant edge of truth along with the air of protectiveness she has anytime her sister is mentioned or when she looks at her…..
A shudder of apprehension runs down my spine, but I push it down and deny it while taking another deep drink of my beer.
"Considering who their parents are, I wonder how Kat was able to keep all of that hidden in Abnegation." Zach says with a frown as he turns his head away from the group of initiates to look back at us.
"What do you mean?" I ask distractedly as I watch one of the Dauntless-born guys getting into an animated discussion with Kat about something that has her laughing with way too much joy in it and has the punk grinning clearly pleased by her reaction.
"Kat and Tris are the kids of Andrew and Natalie Prior. The sister is the older one but not much, from what I understand. I took a look at the file earlier when I dropped them off for Max. It didn't have the dates listed since Abnegation don't officially acknowledge birthdays, but it did show the month and year. They're less than a year apart. I almost thought they're twins or something and wanted to check if they are." He says with a shrug at my questioning look before going on. "It's just that I saw Andrew's face when they were on stage. Kat was first and Tris right after, but the expression was the same for both. The guy was truly shocked in both instances. It was a complete surprise to him and not a good one judging by the angry and hurt body language he was giving off as well."
My blood runs cold at this revelation and I have to close my eyes for a moment to regain my composure while also silently cursing myself.
I should've seen this coming.
No, what you should have been doing was not acting like some goddamn hormonal teenager that just realized what girls are and too fucking distracted to pay attention to the signs.
Most importantly, I should've been paying more attention when I was being given the biggest indicator there could be on that call with Jeanine. I was only half listening and taking notes that skimmed over the points she was droning on about, more worried about wanting to get off the phone as fast as possible and down to the pit.
Because I wanted to see her again.
Jeanine gave names that I wasn't even really paying attention to because I knew she'd just send me all the same information by email that she was fucking giving me by phone. There was a name that barely registered and only because she sounded excited about it.
Prior.
She hadn't given a first name. That I do remember very clearly now that I'm frantically running that phone call through my mind. There was mention of an aptitude test that didn't add up or that she was concerned about.
Is Kat the one she's talking about or was it her sister?
For the rest of the night, I watch Kat closely. The longer I watch her, the more sure I am that she will be the one that Jeanine mentioned I need to keep my eye on.
What am I going to do if it's her?
Why the fuck are you even having to ask yourself that? You'll do what you have to do, like you always do. She's just an initiate. You shouldn't and won't give a shit about her!
I harden inside, reminding myself that I know what my duty is to my city, my faction and most importantly to the promise I made years ago to myself and their memory.
I know what the consequences can be for disregarding a threat, and if she's a threat she'll be treated just like all the others I've eliminated before.
That place buried so deep inside me I hadn't thought existed anymore, full of emotions long denied and desire long dormant, has been stirring since Kat fell into my life. Now, I can feel it dying bit by bit at the thought of what I know lay ahead of me.