Disclaimer: I still do not own the divergent universe..that is all V Roth. I am still just the girl throwing stick figures into her thunder dome.

Chapter 4 - This Is What You Came For

Kat

"Kat, are you still awake?" Tris' voice is soft as she calls out to me.

I roll over to face her bed and the direction of her voice. The faint outline of her shadow is a black smudge in an already mostly black room. I frown up at her in worry. "Yeah, Tris. What's up?"

I can't see her face, but I know Tris. I know she's chewing her lower lip while she shifts slightly to the side. I can tell when she drops the arms she had clasped behind her back to her sides, forcing herself to relinquish a posture long held from habit. I know she's debating whatever it is that's going on in her mind and taking her time before she speaks.

We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.

A belief ingrained into all Abnegation children from the time they learn they have the ability to speak at all.

"I just….I can't sleep and I wondered….can I…." She trails off, but I'm already moving.

I pull the covers back and scoot over so that I can make room beside me. I was already laying on my side and I stay that way to allow us both room to fit onto the narrow bed.

She slips in quietly so that we lay facing each other. It takes her a few seconds to position herself and she had the forethought to grab her own thin pillow from her bed. It's quiet when we settle in, but I know that we won't be going to sleep anytime soon.

Despite the fact that I didn't hesitate to move over and let her share my bed, I feel awkward about it. It feels weird to be like this again with my sister. We have always had our own rooms and beds, but there had been a time when we frequently slept like this. We would switch off between each other's rooms when we were younger. Making a game of it. As we got older, we did less of that, but we did still find ourselves sharing a bed from time to time. If one of us couldn't sleep or feeling poorly, it was almost guaranteed the other would be there for them.

That all changed years ago.

I know the reason for this on my part, and I think I know the reason for hers too. We've grown apart over the years, as all children do I guess. It hurt, a lot, but maybe we both felt it necessary at the time. I know for me, one of the reasons was because I knew it was necessary to protect her.

"I'm sorry for getting angry with you on the train, Kat." Tris speaks into the night again, softly enough that only I can hear. "It was stupid of me to be angry you picked Dauntless." I feel the touch of her hand on mine and return the gesture until we are lightly holding hands. "It's not like it was much of a shock. When we were younger that was the unspoken dream, wasn't it? It's just that, the past few years, it didn't seem like that was something we shared anymore. You got so good at hiding it."

I quirked a small smile into the dark. "You got pretty good at hiding it too, you know. I'm sorry as well, Tris. I've been such a pain in the ass to you this last year or so. I just…."

I pause and fight back tears of anger and hurt I carried around for my big sister. It was completely irrational, and I knew it, I just couldn't help it. I couldn't even begin to try and confront her about it either at the time because there was too much that I was keeping hidden beside my still wanting to be Dauntless.

I can't tell her everything, but maybe I can tell her enough to try and heal this rift."I hated the thought of you staying in Abnegation and being miserable there. It didn't seem like you wanted to leave, but at the same time, I could see how unhappy you were. I was afraid that you thought you needed to stay because you're the oldest child and no matter how unhappy you might be or would become, you were going to stay."

I feel her nodding her head, letting me know that I'm right. Then she goes quiet for a little while before she replies "I almost did, Kat. The thing the elders kept saying was stuck playing in my head. As the oldest child, it felt like my duty to be there for our parents to care for them in their end, just as they were there for us at our beginning. That leaving them to face that time alone would be the ultimate act of selfishness."

I grit my teeth but can't contain the hiss of anger that escapes me.

Fucking manipulative bastards!

It wasn't all the elders or even all of Abnegation that spouted that crap. This belief wasn't even mentioned until eight years ago. When Abnegation had a loss that rocked the faction to its core.

Marcus Eaton, our factions head council member, and the person that was given the role of main government head for all the factions had a son that left Abnegation.

Something that hadn't happened in years.

When he did though, Marcus Eaton played the sympathy card for all it was worth, and the elders just ate it up. They were horrified that one of their children left the fold and made every attempt to discourage that from happening again. Even if it meant resorting to guilting kids into denying themselves the chance to live their own lives and go where they belonged.

I let out a slow breath and shake my head.

"We both know that Mom and Dad never believed in that and hated how often it was brought up during our sermons." I stop speaking again when I can feel myself building up anger that I might just let out in a slew of words about how wrong all of that was. Instead, I focus on what I know is really bothering her.

"Tris...I know that Dad's reaction was less than…. perfect. I know he is hurt but…" I pause again because I don't know how to tell her that he will get over it, that he will come to accept this in time.

I don't know how to say it, because I don't know if it's true. I know I don't see my transfer as a betrayal and I know that my mom won't have either. I know they both have always pointedly called it transferring while others in our faction, and the other factions do as well, refer to a dependent leaving their faction as defecting . Like they are switching sides and becoming traitors. I know he has never said he sees this as a betrayal, but he hasn't ever said he doesn't either.

I also know that our picking Dauntless caused him pain. I could see it clearly on his face every time I dared to look for him in the crowd after I let my blood drop on the coals. I don't regret my choice, but I do regret the pain I'm causing my parents.

"I hope he can forgive us." Tris whispers and I know there are silent tears crawling down her face. I know because I have them as well. I sniff and brush them away, trying to make myself be strong when I know my sister needs me so much right now.

"It would be selfish if he doesn't, and he always tries to be selfless, Tris," I say as firmly as I can. Trying to convince the both of us.

We don't speak anymore for the rest of the night. She drifts off to sleep beside me finally. I lay there and listen to the way her breathing evens out and try to mimic her and let that lull me into sleep, but it just isn't happening.

My insides have been a wreck of energy, nerves, worries, and adrenaline; and that doesn't seem to be fading at all. It probably doesn't help that when I do manage to get to a state that could be referred to as dozing, the sobs of the Candor transfer Al (who I 've dubbed farm boy because he's even more built than some of the kids from Amity I know ) jerk me right back into the consciousness.

So, I end up laying there thinking about everything that's happened so far and everything that might happen in the future. Analyzing and worrying until I'm sick of my own mind but can't escape.

Over the years I've gotten into this mindset that compels me to review actions over and over again. It might be called survival instinct and I can admit that it has helped me more often than not. It's just, on nights like this it really sucks to be stuck living the day over and over again. It makes me think too hard and long about things I would much rather not be thinking about. I would much rather be celebrating this momentous day with a well-earned sleep for a job well done and several goals met that I set for myself.

I escaped!

Finally, after years of planning and hiding. After years of silent suffering and pain. Not only did I escape but my sister is here with me! Something I had been so terrified was not going to happen but was helpless to stop if she'd determined to stay in Abnegation.

So far our exit from Abnegation and transition to Dauntless is going...well

It isn't perfect, that's for sure.

It's going well. Be grateful for that much.

True. It is going well. Not great, but still much better than I could hope for considering.

The fact that they're cutting people was not something I knew about or expected and was just as shocked as everyone else when it was announced. I came into this knowing that it's going to be hard and everyone is going to look at me, us like we're nothing. They're going to see two little girls from Abnegation and wonder how we would think we could ever belong or make it in Dauntless of all places. They're going to think that we have no right to even try to belong here.

That's dangerous in my book. People that are nothing in the eyes of others are expendable and become the first ones to go.

But I have a plan for this, sort of.

The only thing that could make someone more of a target than being considered as good as invisible and worthless, is being too visible. By being obnoxious and cocky, maybe I can draw some of that bad attention to me and away from my sister.

I think I've done a pretty damn good job of that so far.

Granted, I didn't mean to lose my temper with the stupid mouth like I did. I didn't intend to push him from the train, but he shouldn't have gone after my sister like he had. He shouldn't have been insinuating the things he did with his looks and snide words.

Still, I can tell that there'll be hell to pay for what I did, no matter that he didn't get hurt. Even though I figure he might think twice about coming after me or Tris again, I don't think his friends have enough brain cells to share that same thought with him.

I'm sure I'll need to deal with the three of them again at some point.

I sigh softly into the dark and screw my eyes closed tight, trying to push away territory I've already been over a million times. All that does is bring up an issue I've been stoically and stubbornly avoiding.

Thoughts of someone I have no business thinking about and in a way I can't even begin to handle.

I'm mostly successful at pushing them away again and think I might be able to get some real sleep. Just about the time I'm getting into the beginning of a good R.E.M session, farm boy lets out a loud sob and turns in his bunk so loudly I wonder if he's throwing a tantrum like a toddler in his sleep.

"Dammit," I mutter under my breath and know sleep isn't going to happen for me with or without the caterwauling candor.

I snicker quietly at what might have just become his new nickname and resign myself to the inevitable. I give up sleep and plan for making a fast and quiet exit.

I get out of bed as quietly as possible then get dressed. Luckily, I already laid out the clothes I planned on wearing for our first day of training before I laid down for the night. So I don't have to go rooting around in the dark for them. They're conveniently arranged on top of the trunk that sits at the end of my bed.

I have to say, it wasn't like I was really expecting much when I got to Dauntless or that I even need it for that matter, but what the room we've been given to stay in makes my place and stuff back in Abnegation look luxurious.

The room is dark and dank with an air that makes it feel cold and musty. It's windowless with the same kind of rough stone walls that it seems like most of Dauntless is made of. The floor is concrete that has dark stains on it here and there. The bathroom has large square tiles that at some point must have been white or light grey but look well past what a simple cleaning could make look new. The lighting in the room consists of a couple of large industrial ceiling light fixtures that have big bulbs inside a wire cage along with some faint blue-ish lantern lights that barely cast any illumination and are shoved into the corners of the bathroom area where they don't really do any good either.

The bathroom is fairly open to the dorm. At one point it might have been an entire room of its own but the entry to it was completely opened up.

The toilets are set into stalls that have only partial side walls and no door. The sink area is actually a few really long trough-like sinks bolted to the dingy tiled walls. The mirrors above them aren't made of glass but some kind of reflective material that slightly warps the image. I heard one of the Erudite girls say that it was a mirror straight out of something called a fun house.

The showers aren't made of stalls but rather thick see through plastic hanging from chains bolted to the ceiling. There are a total of five shower heads with those makeshift curtains separating them all. If they're supposed to make the showers private they absolutely fail.

The furniture is very utilitarian but at least it's sturdy. The bed frames are made of black steel and are well made even if they aren't much to look at. The headboard and footboard are mostly square with rounded corners that have thinner metal bars vertically through the thick pipe frames.

They're a twin size, like I had at my parent's, and have about the same stark but serviceable bedding as those in Abnegation too. The surprising difference is that these all feel like they're made from the coarsest cloth imaginable. Even the threadbare stuff from growing up was softer than this.

We were each given a storage container. A black metal trunk type container that rests at the end of each bed. It's fairly big and has a few compartments in it to keep things like our boots or shoes in one, while putting toiletries and other items in another. Clothes all get lumped together in the main portion of it. When Lynn came into the dorm with me to put all my new purchases away before dinner she told me they're called footlockers.

I'm thankful that I've always been in the habit of preparing for my day by laying out everything I'll need the night before. Even though my clothes are different it makes this all so much easier and I can get dressed without making too much noise and waking other people.

After I've at least gotten completely dressed, I decide to leave my hair for when there's more light to see by. I fold up my sleep clothes and drop those on top of the trunk then look over to see my sister still sleeping. I smile and make my way over, tucking the covers around her and feeling a swell of emotions knowing she's here with me.

I also feel a slight bit of jealousy that she's getting the sleep that's completely out of my grasp right now.

I know at least a few people stir or watch my progress out of the room, but I don't bother to see who they were. I just keep my head down and walk as lightly as I can up the stairs and through the door out into the hallways of Dauntless.

I have no clue what time it was when I gave up trying to sleep in the first place and I still have no clue as I head to where the training room is. As I'm trying to remember how to get to the room where transfers are going to train I curse myself for not picking up a watch while I was out shopping with my friends.

A watch was on my list as one of the most important items!

I even mentioned getting one to Lynn, who agreed and was telling me all about a few options they have available but then we both got sidetracked by our arrival at the tattoo parlor. In the excitement of getting my first tattoo, it was completely forgotten. All thoughts of anything that we hadn't already gotten done on my to do list were gone after getting to talking with Bud and Tori.

Bud is hilarious and we spent way more time than necessary just goofing off with him. Tori was serious and a little reserved but Bud kept dragging her into the conversation with his good natured jokes.

My hand drifts up to the tattoo and I press fingers lightly to the raised skin. I decided to keep it small and simple. The all black ink is just below and behind my left ear. For all that the tattoo was simple and small enough that it didn't take long to get, it's still sore. It isn't unbearable, but I'm definitely feeling how Tori had described I would be for a the next few days. Raw, like the area was scrubbed hard by really hot sandpaper.

The design itself set Bud to laughing his ass off when I tried to simply describe it to him and let him map it out. Then I ended up having to draw it for him. That would've been a problem, as I can't draw for crap, except this wasn't a drawing so much as a symbol that was composed of geometric shapes.

After I got it down and he refined it to look a bit cleaner and more artistic, he asked if he could put it on the wall. Just in case anyone had a hankering to have a 'brainy ' tattoo 'that any nose would be jealous of ', as he put it. I guess it fit the bill for both of those descriptions considering it's the chemical representation of adrenaline.

I agreed and even went ahead and worked with him on the second tattoo I plan on getting. That one is a matching or corresponding design, serotonin, and will go on the other side of my head in the same area placement as my first. I just don't plan on getting that one until I finish the first stage of initiation and know I've made the cut.

My progress to the training room is a little slow.

It's dark along the hallways with only a faint blue light that comes from long and thin tubes that are run along the top of the walls. Some of the sections of the tubing are completely dark. Like the lighting source is no longer working and has never been replaced. Openings for other hallways appear like black voids of various shapes and give off this ominous feeling when combined with too little light and the jagged stone walls around me.

I have to backtrack a few times because I found myself having picked the wrong void to go down.

There's something about the quiet of the compound combined with the lack of light that has me tiptoeing along. Every sound being made seems to hit the stone walls in a way that makes it seem like they are really the ribcage of a giant who's breathing loudly in his sleep and any sound I make will wake the giant up. It's reminiscent of the story ofJonah and the Whale that was told in Sunday school when I was younger.

By the time I make it to the training room, I finally have my hair braided and secured, ready to start my day.

Stepping into the cavernous training room that's completely empty of anyone else feels a bit odd.

When I was shown this place, just hours before really by my friends, there were people wandering around a well-lit room. It wasn't being used as a training room at that moment, more like a gathering place for people that were holding their own private parties away from the Pit.

There had been laughter and yelling and it seemed to fill up the room. But now the room is almost completely dark, and it's so large that I feel dwarfed in it while at the same time energized as I look around at all the equipment just waiting to be used.

I know I'm going to pay for this. I may not know exactly what time it is, but I know that it's way earlier than I had even thought of being up by originally. Not to mention I didn't exactly get a lot of sleep the night before choosing day because of how I had been feeling. Excited, nervous, and worried that something might happen during the night. That somehow my secret and intentions to leave were discovered.

I also know that nothing quiets my mind better than being able to put my entire body and focus into something. That was one of the reasons I made the awkward and ugly thing I called a punching bag to begin with. It was on a night similar to tonight when I needed something to focus on.

I 'll be using a punching bag to quiet my mind again but it's going to be a hell of a lot prettier and more functional than that fake one .

Like a moth drawn to a flame, my sights are set on one right now. There's nothing special about it other than that it happens to have a light set above it and since I don't know where the light switches are to light up the entire training room, it works out perfectly.

I also didn't want to risk lighting up the entire room if I could even have located the switches to do it. I'm unsure that this isn't against the rules in some way and I would rather not draw attention to me in here right now. I've done more than enough of that for the day.

Right now is for me and only me.

Looking around the room I see that there are other spotlights placed all around the room lighting up different sections and making the room not as dark as it would be without them. It worked out perfectly this way and I made my way over to the bag I picked out to start my warm-up stretches.

Afterwards, I lost myself first in doing my cardio exercises. Those are all a specific set that I do for a certain amount of time or for a certain amount of reps. These were things I could do freely when I got a bit of privacy over the years. I loved these exercises the most because they required nothing but my body and some room to do them in. That suited me perfectly back then because I didn't have access to the kind of equipment I now have access to.

Speaking of…..

After finishing those I let myself look around the room and decide what I might want to do next. The other equipment is tempting but some of it are things that I'm not familiar with, and with as little light there is around, I don't feel comfortable experimenting just yet. Those I can tackle on future mornings after I've gotten some experience with the equipment from the training with everyone else.

I could go straight into working the bag, but I'd like to get a bit more cardio in. What I'd really love to do is run but going outside to do that isn't possible.

I wander away from the bag and spotlight to check out things and see there's plenty of space for a run in the room. The place is long and wide enough that some decent laps could be made. The question is if there is a path I could establish that wouldn't leave me running in the dark or into things.

While some of it will be in dark, it looks like the outer edge of the room might be used for laps. There's a well-worn area that looks to be kept clear of any equipment. The lights are spaced out enough and cast enough illumination that I could get by with it as it is.

This will work.

I grin as I make my way to where I'm marking mentally as my starting spot and begin to run around the room for a solid hour or so. I don't know the exact amount of time I run but I use past experience on how many laps I can usually get in an hour to try and keep track.

By the time I'm finished with that I'm thirsty as hell and my stomach is grumbling.

I know I'm going to need to hydrate so I make my way back to the dining hall, hoping to at least find a source of water and maybe even some food.

Although we were warned that food is only served between set times in the dining hall, Lynn also mentioned that there are places around the compound that have food too. I hadn't thought to ask where those are and what times they are open to serve. Besides those places actually cost points, the currency Dauntless uses for the purchase of items, and I'm not comfortable with that just yet.

Buying or paying for things is a completely new concept for me.

Abnegation just provide the items we need and are allowed to have. We also work doing various tasks that are used as a form of payment for them. As a dependent, I didn't have to worry about this as much as my parents, but I was still expected to work a minimum number of hours in the volunteer center and among the factionless to earn what little possessions I had as well as any privileges that were deemed faction appropriate. All of that wasn't much to speak of to begin with.

I know that Abnegation does have a form of payment method available when they have to acquire items from other factions. For instance, there were items that our houses needed to be able to function and those were obtained or maintained by Erudite. The factories that produce all of the consumables and goods for our city are technically Erudite, but they are run with a combination of workforces provided by Abnegation, Dauntless and the factionless who volunteer to get food or other necessities. Depending on what kind of work would depend on who was working it. Menial jobs were always Abnegation and factionless while heavy or dangerous labor was done by Dauntless and factionless.

The actual management of the factories was always done by Abnegation no matter how much Erudite tried to interfere.

Lynn had spent weeks after my first meeting her answering questions and explaining to me about Dauntless. So I knew that as an initiate I would be given a method of paying for anything I might need that Dauntless doesn't provide, but my points will have to last me through initiation. There will be no more added until I finish initiation and then the amount of points will be monthly additions based on whatever job I'll be working.

Dauntless do provide some items like Abnegation, though.

The dining hall provides meals at no point cost during certain hours that usually amount to three meals a day, the exceptions being holidays or celebration days.

A clothing allowance is given out at certain times and those clothes are for work or training purposes. Initiates, new members that will need role specific gear, and dependents are all given these allowances. There is a part of the commissary that keeps all the items that are free, the person goes to that area to collect them.

Mar had dragged me to the commissary first thing to get my issued clothing which consisted of basics like underwear, socks, sports bras, t-shirts, tank tops and leggings. Then there were other items like a thin workout jacket, a somewhat thicker jacket for the colder weather, and two sets of the official initiate uniform. Those I would wear when we were informed to wear them. I was also given one set of tennis shoes and one pair of combat boots.

Marlene hadn't been content with just those clothes though and I was then dragged off to get more clothes that included casual clothes to be worn on off hours. Being mindful of my points, I hadn't let her push me into going on some crazy shopping spree. Actually, all three of my friends already planned for me coming and had a few things waiting for me. I found out some of them were things they saved their own allowance points given to them by their parents or things they had that they were passing on to me. Things that didn't fit them or in Lynn's case, her sister, anymore.

It's a touching gesture that really means a lot to me considering that out of buying new or having something used, I was still more comfortable with the latter. But I felt bad after getting back and seeing my sister still wearing the things left in a pile on a table in the dorm room for us to search through and pray for good matches.

Maybe I could see about getting Mar to take my sister shopping at some point. I know my friend will probably jump at the chance.

On my way to the dining hall, I pass a few people. I honestly wasn't expecting that, but they didn't bother me and I had no intentions of bothering them. They mostly looked like patrol guards. So, they were either patrolling the compound or heading out to patrol the city and its sectors which let me know that maybe the time wasn't what could still be considered night if they're heading out to start their work days.

Entering the dining hall I went to the row of counters that food is normally served from. These are behind semi glass partitions and composed of black steel. Some have warming stations for the hot foods while others are intended to be used for things that need to be kept cool. It's at one of these that I find a large steel tray filled with ice and bottles of water. I happily grab one of those and start to look around to see what else might be available.

I can smell something coming from the actual kitchen area drifting through the swinging doors that separates the cooking area from the serving and dining areas. I can't make out what it is I'm smelling but it makes my stomach gurgle and I go on a hunt as my nose leads me to where I see a basket of muffins ready for consumption.

I snatch up one of those quickly, not even caring what kind of muffin it actually is.

"Kat?" A voice calls from behind me, making me turn towards it to find Chase looking at me with his head tilted and his forehead all wrinkled with worry.

I smile at the friendly Dauntless member I met just yesterday, and he smiles back. He still looks worried, so I set out to try and reassure him. I'm sure he's wondering what the hell I'm doing up so early.

"I couldn't sleep so I decided to get some training in."

He hesitated as his eyes move over me, then he nods and clears his throat. "Yeah, I kind of guessed that. Why don't you come to sit with me for a bit? I was just grabbing some coffee to get myself awake." He motions over his shoulder with his head towards a table in the actual dining section where there looks to be a large cup of steaming coffee already waiting for him.

I grin and laugh as I follow him over to the table.

I would've loved some coffee and ordinarily, there would be no way I could be this alert without a cup or three. Seeing as I was already wired, and I know I'm going to be working my body a lot more, I know water will be better for me.

Besides, it isn't like I can't make my way back here and grab some if I feel myself crashing at any point before the actual training starts. And if I don't, I'm sure I can get a cup at lunch since it looked like coffee is a staple for Dauntless at all hours of the day.

The table we are at is empty of anyone else, as is most of the rest of the dining hall. The sounds of pots and pans being banged around, and voices drift over to me from time to time. I can hear movement outside of the dining hall that leads to the Pit area, but other than that it's peacefully quiet.

We sit in companionable silence while I drink from my water and Chase takes large gulps of his coffee. He even finishes that large cup and gets up to refill it.

When he gets back I'm peeling my muffin and laughing.

"I can relate." I say after he takes a smaller sip of his second cup and lets out a sigh.

"I heard about your addiction. I'm surprised you don't have a cup of it yourself right now." He says with a smirk and uses his cup of coffee to indicate that I have a bottle of water instead.

I shrugged and smirked back at him. "Don't want to pass out from dehydration, so sacrifices must be made. I'm sure that around lunch time I'll be begging for a cup or three. Maybe even try for an IV full of it."

He let out a laugh at that and I smile and chuckle along with him.

Chase is handsome. Very handsome. His brown hair is a short cut but slightly longer than what Abnegation men wear. It's a rich brown color and falls in a way that makes it look tousled. It couldn't be natural, so I'm sure he styles it, but it works on him. As does the small but well-groomed beard he has. Like most guys in Dauntless, he's tall. I would say he has to be at least six feet tall if not over that, but he doesn't have a bulky build. He's long and lean with muscles that look like they've been earned by hard work and a lot of use of the fighting skills I'm sure he has been thoroughly equipped with.

Yesterday, as soon as I walked through the dining hall doors with the other transfers, Lynn had pulled me to the table where she and my other friends were sitting at with a bunch of others. She instantly made introductions to some of the Dauntless-born that were at the table as well as the members. Chase was one of those people I was introduced to and I was told he's one of the trainers during initiation. I guess Chase should come off as intimidating given his physical presence as well as the fact that he's supposed to be one of the toughest instructors Dauntless has, but he doesn't to me. He has ice blue eyes that light up when he smiles at me and it make me feels comfortable with him instead.

I can say honestly that I'm stunned and a little intimidated by how striking most of the guys are that I've met so far. I wouldn't say all of them are physically handsome. Some are rough looking and maybe what someone would call rugged. Others are a bit pretty, maybe too pretty for the taste I'm just discovering, but all of them seem to have something in common that I guess is just part of being Dauntless.

The men all seem to have a presence about them, either confidence or an air of intimidation, but it all catches the attention.

Last night I also got a first hand look at how free with affection Dauntless as a faction are allowed to be. The women were flirtatious and daring around everyone and at times it seemed like there was a constant mating ritual taking place in front of me.

Out on the streets of the city and at school, Dauntless don't dress like they do within the compound. Don't get me wrong, the amount of skin that they do show out in public is still pretty shocking, but it is like the compound allows them to completely let loose.

The colors available, the designs of the clothes themselves. It was breathtaking all on it's own. Combine it with just the life the Pit seemed to have with people filling it up doing various things to let off steam, it was like one big dance.

I also couldn't help but notice that Eric, Chase and Zach drew a lot of attention. While I didn't see that any of them were returning it to anyone last night, I didn't know if that was because they weren't interested in that last night or if they are more reserved in general about it than the others around them.

I'm almost ashamed to admit that I paid way more attention to them than I needed to by far. The fact that I kept focusing on one of them in particular didn't help at all.

Don't think about that again, Kat. You've done good keeping a tight rein on that so far.

It's just that it hit me so hard, and I've never felt like that before. I know what it is because I've heard Mar and even Lynn gush over it before. I know that the thing I felt then, the way my body was responding to that person, were all signs of attraction.

But seriously…. could it have happened at any worse of a time than when I need to be completely and solely focused on training?

It isn't like my life depends on it or anything. Not to mention the fact that it also couldn't have happened with a worse selection of person.

Eric Coulter!

A leader who, I learned yesterday from Lynn and Mar while shopping, isn't just a leader but will actually be involved in training the initiates. They said he's made appearances in both groups in the years past, but this year there is a rumor he's going to be more involved because of the changes to training and especially with the cuts being made.

It made me feel this surge of giddiness that I could be seeing him more and I felt like a naughty school girl crushing on my teacher. Just like the girls at school that had one on an Erudite teacher when were still going to classes. It was completely inappropriate then, even if the guy wasn't all that much older than we had been at the time, and it's just as inappropriate now.

I could not stop staring and even Lynn mentioned something to me about how often I looked flustered yesterday. I couldn't help it.

At lunch when I looked down the table at him there was something in his eyes. He was angry at the time, that much was completely clear to me. If his barked exclamation hadn't let me know, the fact that it was written all over his face certainly did. But when I looked at him and his blue eyes met mine, I didn't feel that anger was for me and if it was, I didn't feel the fear that I could feel radiating off the people around me. I could even see Lynn feeling it.

It felt like I got lost in those eyes, blue with hints of grey, for way too long. Like I was being pulled under and in danger of drowning in them.

Even now thinking about him and that moment sends bits of fluttering through me.

Eric is definitely one of the men I could say is handsome and rugged looking all at the same time. Like Chase, he's built but where his friend is leaner, Eric has real bulk and size on him. They both share the trait that they wear all that size and power as if it was gained in the hardest way imaginable.

Where Chase has hints of it, Eric practically oozes menace and power. Everything about him, from his perfectly styled hair to the visible tattoos on his neck and arms feels controlled and calculated. There wasn't anything about Eric that fit into the Dauntless stereotype of being wild but everything about him was inspiring wild feelings inside of me.

I felt like I had no control over the way I was feeling around him and that is absolutely the worst thing for me to try and wrap my mind around. I just didn't have time to be able to deal with something like that right now, maybe not ever.

No distractions and especially not with a leader of my faction as well as my instructor. Certainly not that leader and instructor.

It's easy and a relief to be sitting here talking with Chase right now, free from all that the other person I refuse to name makes me feel. He's free with his smiles and laughs and he has a sarcastic sense of humor that I appreciate. I can also tell that he's trying to keep my mind free of whatever he sensed is troubling me.

Chase kinda reminds me of a mature version of Uriah and that definitely helped me feel more comfortable with him. It also had me feeling a little more open than I am in general with anyone but those I'm closest too.

"So what really had you up so early to train?" Chase finally asked once he felt I was at ease enough to answer.

I take a sip of my water and shrug before I swallow and answer. "There were a couple of reasons, but the main reason is that I couldn't sleep. I was already pretty wired from the events of the day and was having trouble winding down. It didn't help that there's a guy that was crying pretty loudly all night. It was almost impossible to get to sleep when he would stop then start back up minutes later and it would have been pointless to just lay there doing nothing." I gave a side smile as I picked at the bottle in my hands. "Besides, I don't think I could have trusted myself to not try and physically knock him out if I had tried to stay there. So I got up and decided to get my day started."

He frowned at my explanation and I could tell he wanted to ask me something, but he didn't say anymore. "Well, like you said at lunch, it might not be good to put someone in the clinic before fights even start." He finally says with a teasing note and wink at me.

I laughed and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, if it isn't going to count for something then I think I'm going to save my efforts."

"Am I detecting a little bit of hotheadedness from such a respectable young lady?" He asks with a mocking look of shock and laughter dancing in his eyes.

I sucked my teeth and tilted my head, pretending to think. "You might be. I do admit I have a temper, but I don't always show it. I can have flares of temper that would rival a volcanic eruption but it just depends on the situation, I guess. I have a temper but I also have patience and they do say revenge is a dish best served cold." I answer honestly and with a little bit of a wicked smile.

He winces and takes a gulp of his coffee then looks back at me with laughter and truth in his eyes. "Remind me not to piss you off, Kat."

I let out a loud laugh at this, enjoying unsettling someone like Chase. "I don't think you'll have anything to worry since I can already tell I like you, but crazier things have happened."

Chase briefly gives me a smug smile before it turns plain friendly again.

I don't stay sitting with him much longer after that. He mentioned, offhandedly, that he was up because it's part of a routine for him and his friends to meet for coffee in the dining hall before setting off to do whatever it is they had planned to do before their own work days really start. I knew that one of those friends is sure to be Eric and I wanted to exit while I still had control of my mental faculties. Seeing Eric would throw that off balance and I couldn't handle that again so soon, I think.

Besides, I already spent more time in the dining hall than I planned, and I knew it was time to get back to training.

I did feel a bit of disappointment and jealousy when leaving Chase. He would be training the Dauntless-born while I would be stuck with Eric and Four all day.

For completely different reasons I wasn't looking forward to being around either of those men. In fact, if at all possible I wanted to stay as far from them as I could be allowed to. So it was with some jealousy for my friends I left Chase behind.

He promised to see me at lunch at least. He was even insistent that I should join my friends again and forget what Four might try to say to me about it, while assuring me that he would make sure to be near if Four did try to say something to me about it.

On leaving, I grabbed another bottle of water and made another mental note to pick up one of those reusable metal ones I saw in the commissary when I was getting my toiletries last night. I figure that I'll have many mornings of training like this ahead of me and I may not be able to grab one of the plastic bottles from the dining hall.

Back in the room I walk back over to my selected bag, set the water bottle and my jacket down then started to plan.

I realized when I was thinking about the water bottle that I had forgotten a few other key items along with my watch last night; namely gloves or tape to protect my hands when working on the bags.

There wasn't much I could do about getting those things right now and that meant I won't be able to use my hands as much as I would have liked because they won't be protected which limited what I can do in my time this morning. My absentmindedness had now officially and severely disrupted my training time and that is unacceptable.

I know I was excited last night about being in Dauntless and with my friends. I know I made a promise to them to try and spend as much time with them as possible in ways other than training, but I need to find a way to balance it all without losing focus.

I want to have fun and live life now that I'm here, but I also have to keep in mind how serious this is for me. And it isn't just serious for me only anymore. Cuts are being made and Tris and I were already going to be targets in one way or another. Whether it's actually true or not, to the others we are seen as the weakest links and easy targets.

Those people that are fighting for spots just like we are, are going to go for the easy ones first just to secure themselves a spot. We're going to need to be stronger than they are but that doesn't mean that it will be physical strength that will see us through.

'Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.'

That's one of many phrases that I've adopted to be a mantra. These mantras are what I run through my mind as I work out and when I've tried calming myself while I do a form of meditation.

Some people do this to find peace and calm, but my goals are different. One of them is to help clear my mind of doubt as I'm fighting. The other is to be able to focus my attention and shut out outside factors or distractions.

I use this every time I train and have used it when sparring with my friends as well and I'm in the middle of this when I feel eyes on me from somewhere around me.

I sense that it's him. But, I can't understand how that could be possible in so few encounters. I don't let on though. I double my efforts in using my mantras to limit the outside interference and to focus then keep on working.

He very well might be trying to do this on purpose. Unsettle or sneak up on me. It could be to test and see if I'm keeping my bearings or awareness.

From the corner of my eye, I catch movement and get my first real look to confirm if my thoughts of who my intruder is are right or not.

When he moves, he moves like a predator. Just that one glance makes me wonder if that's just the way he moves regardless of if he's truly stalking me at the moment.

I think it might just be how he moves. Either way, I have to concentrate even harder on my form to not give in to the shiver of pleasure and the wave of confusion at him being so near.

This was exactly what I said I wanted to avoid, so why am I feeling so damn happy that didn't happen?