Chapter 8 - That's What You Get

Kat

"Kat, you've been dismissed for lunch. Maybe you should join the others today." Four says after practically storming up to me where I'm breaking down my gun. He leans against the table where the other guns that were used today are waiting to be broken down as well. "And where were you this morning?" He rushes on, demanding of me angrily. "I didn't see you at breakfast and you weren't in your bunk when I went to wake the others. None of the others even knew you left."

Those are the first words Four has said to me at all today but I've felt his glares and looks of disapproval from the moment I walked into the training room this morning. My entry beside Eric had drawn a few eyes but no one, not even my sister, remarked on it to me. Eric's look did the job of stopping that in its tracks and then we plunged right into training so there wasn't time for Tris to corner me yet.

But trust Four to choose now and do it in the most aggravating way possible. I refuse to look at him and instead keep my focus trained on the gun in my hands, gripping it a little tighter than I need to as I work to disassemble it quickly. Eric motioned me to stick around on the roof when everyone started to take off for lunch and I used this as an excuse to be able to do that.

I can't delay answering after I get the last bit of the gun prepared for storage the way they instructed us. So, with an internal sigh, I coach myself to be respectful.

"Sir, I plan on having lunch as soon as I've broken these guns down. Thank you for the suggestion of joining the transfers." I pause and look at him, which is a mistake because it snaps my patience and tolerance for the judgmental look in his eyes right now. "But, I'm not sure that where I sit at our free time is your business…. Four . I also don't believe there are any rules about being up as early as I like to get to know my new faction and to train in my own hours. I broke no rules and I couldn't sleep anyways." My eyes take on an angry glare when I hear him snort disdainfully at my response so far. "Maybe you should show this same level of concern for the other initiates in your care and check on the recruit that can't seem to keep his sobbing to at least a low enough volume that it doesn't make it impossible for the rest of us to get much-needed rest."

My last words are angry and walking a very fine and dangerous line here. I'm trying to remain calm and respectful and not get personal but it doesn't help when Four himself is doing such a bad job of that. I've stopped breaking down the guns on the table and am facing him full on by now. Partly because I was that angry and partly because I realized I was working far too quickly and needed to draw it out to find out what Eric needed to speak to me about.

Four arches an eyebrow then takes a breath before releasing it and shaking his head. "First, watch your tone with me, initiate." He warns me in a soft tone while he locks his eyes on mine letting them warn me as well that he's being serious about that. Then he sighs with his brow wrinkling in the worry I know all of this is coming from. I just don't believe he has the right to demand anything from me after he lost by his actions long ago. "It isn't a good idea to go wandering around the compound on your own at any time, Kat. And what about Tris? I thought you would want to make sure she's doing okay here but you can't exactly do that if you keep taking off on her and leaving her behind. Do you plan to just abandon her?"

I think he knows as soon as he says this he really fucked up. He, of all people, has no right to accuse me of abandoning anyone much less my own sister. All attempts to hold my temper fly right out the window. I'm about to let him know just what I think about his attempt to manipulate and guilt me into doing what the thinks I should be doing. I'm about to remind him of just who he's acting like right now.

But I don't get the chance to because Eric comes to stand beside me and addresses Four.

"Four, don't you have something you should be doing right now? The initiate has been instructed to stay behind and break these guns down on my orders." His arms are crossed over his chest and he's looking at the nails on one hand casually as if bored with this entire ordeal. "If you're so worried that your precious little initiate won't make it back to the fold, I'll make sure she gets to the dining hall without losing her way."

Eric looks relaxed and bored but his tone is the same one that he had when talking to Four at lunch yesterday. Just like then, the animosity between the two men is thick in the air. It probably doesn't help Eric's irritation that Four never once looked at him but instead was trying to bore his message into me with his dark blue eyes. They were pleading until he saw the tiniest amused smile I couldn't prevent once Eric intervened. Then his lips thinned and his eyes snapped over to the leader for a split second before coming back to rest on me.

"We will be talking more about this later, Kat." He grinds out darkly before he looks back at Eric.

The two of them engage in a stare off for a few seconds before Four huffs and stomps away to the stairs that will lead back to the training room. As soon as I hear the door slamming shut I turn back to the table and pick up another gun to work on while muttering angrily under my breath. A big hand covers mine on the last gun and I turn to look at Eric.

He's scowling deeply and looks like he's trying to take calming breaths.

"Do I need to worry about something going on between you and Four ?" The words come out in a snarl and are completely different than anything I've heard coming from Eric so far.

My eyes widen slightly in surprise for both the words and tone. I don't understand what he means and what he should worry about, and it shows on my face as my I frown. "I'm not sure what you mean, Sir,"

Eric interrupts me by stepping close, so close that his chest brushes against my side. "Kat," He addresses me, rather abruptly before he stops and the scowl softened as he looked at me. "I would like it if, outside of training, you called me Eric, not sir."

While the words are softer it still comes across as demand and not a request. But I think that's just Eric. I don't know if he knows any other inflections to use. In his eyes though, the way he's looking at me, I can almost see that if I refused, he would accept that choice. He wouldn't like it most likely but he would accept it. Although it isn't exactly proper Four does allow us to call him by his name instead of sir. Besides Eric did say 'outside of training' meaning he would still expect me to use the honorific when others are around.

That makes me feel a little better. Actually, it makes me feel a lot better because I'm hung up on the ' outside of training ' part as if he implies there will be more encounters outside of training.

I smile shyly at him and nod my acceptance to that. "Eric,"

He gives me a sideways smile but it fades quickly into a frown. "Is there, or was there, something going on between you and Four?"

I shake my head frowning and think on how to answer that. "There was never anything romantic going on. On my side, there was never anything but friendship. I guess it would be stupid to deny that I knew him before I transferred. I'm sure he doesn't want that known and honestly, I'm okay with that. We were friends before he transferred but grew apart. After he transferred I saw him a few times when I was out and about in the sectors, but we haven't been what I would call friends in a while."

This doesn't seem to reassure Eric at all, in fact, his blue eyes seem to blaze with intensity. "But on his side, there was more?" He demands from me angrily. That anger clearly was written all over his face too.

I shrug and swallow with a frown. "I don't know if there really was on his side or not but I think at one time he thought there was or should be. I quickly relieved him of that notion though."

If I thought he was angry before it is nothing to what I see after I answer him. I watch as rage, pure and blood-chilling rage, along with hate pass over his face in a wave. He looks down for a split second and when he looks back up, his eyes are filled with disgust when he looks right at me. Pain and hurt lance through me and I turn away from him completely.

I need something to keep me busy until he decides to speak again and dismiss me, so I quickly work on the last gun. By the time I'm done he still hasn't spoken so I keep my eyes on the table and address him, just needing to get away from him and the feelings that are filling me.

"Was there anything else that you would like me to complete, sir?" I ask softly and still without looking at him.

I refuse to let the hurt I feel show. I wait for him to answer in agony and disgust at myself for feeling hurt at all. I don't know what I did to piss him off like he is, but it doesn't matter. That isn't what has me feeling like I do now. It's the disgust he looked at me with that has me retreating back into the shell I know so well.

I could hear him breathing fast, that slowed as he started to take deep slow breaths. "No, Kat. I was just going to head to lunch too. Were you wanting to join your sister?"

He moves closer to me and I flinch back slightly then go still and feel him do the same beside me.

I look back at him finally, reminding myself that he is still a leader and my instructor, and he would probably take my refusal to look at him as a sign of disrespect. When I see him again, he doesn't look angry anymore. In fact, all hint of any kind of emotion is gone.

Our eyes meet and I think I see a flash of regret in them, but it's so fast and gone before I can be sure. So I dismiss it.

I shake my head and look away again. "No, sir. I know Uri, Mar and Lynn are all waiting for me."

I catch his curt nod out of the corner of my eye. "I'll walk you to the dining hall then."

Then he moves away without another word and I follow him, hanging back in only the slightest.

This morning I had to fake the expression to cover for us spending time together but I don't have to now. I don't want to risk upsetting him further so I don't put as much distance between us. Every part of me is screaming for more, but it feels like there are miles spanning the few inches we are from each other.

I don't know why that look is sending pain and hurt through me like it is. I've lived with various versions of it all my life. I also knew coming here I needed to prepare for those same looks from others, especially from the senior members and leaders.

So why was that look on Eric's face like a knife to my gut?

The better question was why I had allowed myself to connect, or at least I had thought I had, to him at all? This morning had happened and I felt something with Eric, Chase, and Zach. A connection that had me opening up and sharing parts of myself I haven't shared before.

Yes, I had even prepared to receive them from this particular leader if not worse. I knew all about his reputation well before even stepping foot in Dauntless. I knew of his attitude and temperament as well as his complete loathing for Abnegation.

So what had all of this morning been for him and why? Maybe it was just a big game for him. Another way to try and break the weak stiff and prove she doesn't belong here. I realize on the quiet and tense walk to the dining hall that it was probably all in my mind, that connection I felt.

I'm not sure what exactly this morning was on Eric's part but I can only go by what I see and feel now. And that is that it took one day for this man to wound me in a way that even Marcus Eaton hadn't been able to touch me, I can't risk that or worse happening again.

We didn't talk the entire walk to the dining hall. When we got there, I moved quickly away from him and to my friends. They were at the same table as the day before. So were Chase and Zach. I was pretty sure that Eric would be joining them as well.

Unlike yesterday or this morning, he didn't engage me in conversation and I didn't try and engage him either. Lunch started out a little tense for me but it was almost impossible to stay that way with Uriah, Zeke, and Chase at the same table. Before the end of it, I was laughing along with the others and joining in conversations. When it ended though, and it was time to head to the training room, apprehension took over me instead of hurt. I didn't know how what happened on the roof was going to affect training with Four or Eric.

Girl, what have you gotten yourself into ?

I fell in step with Tris and the others after my friends split off.

"The prodigal sister returns to the fold!" Will said with a cheeky smile at me and a wink.

I laughed even though I saw Christina glare in my direction before huffing and turning away when that laugh turned to a smirk. I almost said something to her but Tris linked her arm in mine and leaned into me slightly.

"What happened to you this morning? Are you okay?" She is asking quiet enough but I know that the others are listening closely.

I shrug and sigh tiredly. "Honestly, I tried to lay there and get sleep. I don't know how you were able to, but it wasn't working for me. It seemed pointless to just lay there and it was kind of frustrating." I laugh and look over at her. "People sleeping and snoring around me and I couldn't for the life of me join them? Leaving was the only way to keep sane."

"I get it." Tris nods with a smile. I know she got what I wasn't saying, that I was also saving everyone else from me flipping out and losing my temper or something. "So what did you do?"

"I figured I would just get up and start my training a bit earlier than I planned. I'm not even sure what time it was, but I had planned to get in some self-training before the official start. I found the training room and went for a run then decided to explore a few things."

I shrug and smile, trying to hide the smug feeling I get when I see that Christina was listening raptly. I knew what she was trying to do and see if she could catch me out in a lie. Too bad for her I had long ago learned I am a terrible liar and how to get around that. I see her lips thin, pressing together so tightly they start to turn white.

You would think a Candor could be told the truth when she's acting like a bitch. Apparently, that's not the case and it seems this particular Candor holds grudges.

"I'm thinking of starting to run in the mornings too," Tris says beside me, drawing me from the silent battle her friend and I are waging.

I look at her to see she is truly absorbed in that thought. I smile and nudge her. "I think that's a great idea, Tris. But you can add more than just a run to it too. Honestly, we both need to do that. You see how everyone is looking at us." I added this last part very quietly and leaned even closer to her.

I didn't want to come out and shatter my sister's hopes for friends among the transfers, but it hadn't stopped those people from looking at us both when the cuts were announced. She nods sadly at me as we make our way back into the training room and I know that at the very least, I may have motivated her to add training to her plan.

We go right into the physical portion of training as soon as Four stalks his way into the room. Ordering us to take up positions and walking us through different warm-up exercises. The goal was to split the remainder of the day between learning the different equipment and ways to work on our physical fitness, and learning the fighting techniques.

Through it all, I kept my head down and stuck to only doing what Four was showing us. Occasionally, I would do something a little more advanced but that was part of my plan. To have rare showings of something great while keeping everything else mediocre. That way, I could slowly start to increase what I can really do when with my training class.

Eric was nowhere in sight for the remainder of the day and for some reason I wasn't as relieved about that as I should be. That alone tells me that whatever I'm starting to feel for him isn't going to be so easy to put aside, but I need to.

It's clear that there will be nothing on his part other than maybe some amused curiosity for the little girl from Abnegation. I don't like how much that hurts, but there's nothing I can do about it at this point other than to make sure to guard myself from getting hurt any further.

Four keeps his eyes on me and Tris as often as he can without drawing attention but he's far more obvious than he thinks he is. That's probably because I know him, but it irks me that his attention puts my sister at even more risk. I tense anytime he approaches my sister and goes to adjust or move her. He lingers and I send silent prayers no one else is noticing how often that happens or how she blushes when he does. I hadn't accounted for that factor when we got here.

And, as if all of that weren't enough for me to drive myself insane with worry over, I seem to have developed a shadow. One that I cannot even begin to understand.

I don't know when it started but when I finally noticed it was to find that he's always there lurking nearby. When I would catch him out and my eyes would meet his to let him know I see what he's up to, he would do his normal sneer but it was completely off and just as completely unsettling. Because in his eyes there wasn't the sneer that was on his face. No, there it was a mix that I couldn't determine but one thing was clear. Curiosity. That disturbed me more than his hate or scorn might have.

Oh god. Please don't let that mean I've caught the interest of Peter Hayes!

Eric

"You going to tell me what the hell happened between you and Kat?" Chase demanded from me angrily as we walk to the training room that the Dauntless-born use.

I honestly don't know how to feel about the reprieve from being with the transfers. I'm scheduled to make an appearance there for the second half of the day since the morning was spent with the transfers but I have never felt less like making a visit that I usually look forward to. Seeing the transfers struggle through the first week of learning the fighting moves and trying to keep up with our physical requirements is always tedious.

There are a few transfers, not counting Kat, that might have some promise in not starting out horrible. But not enough to make up for how bad the others will be. It comes back to Kat for me. I want to be there but being there isn't the best of ideas either.

I kept my face impassive as we walked together, ignoring the question at first. Of course, I know exactly what my brother is referring to. At lunch, I avoided looking at Kat, Chase and Zach as much as I could. That in itself spoke volumes but I'm sure how she was during the meal didn't help either.

I can't believe how fucking bad I've fucked things up. She hasn't even been here for a day yet. Once, I made the mistake of looking down the table at her and her crushed look caused me to feel the same way combined with self-loathing.

Nothing on that roof was her fault.

I can't look at her without feeling guilt for my reaction to what I figured out. I mean, I always knew that there was something between them but I started to believe that it wasn't them bring together. I do believe her that they weren't. But it didn't help the rage that overcame me when I figured out fucking Four was the person she first kissed.

Kat showed me something in those seconds when the hate and anger flooded me. That she could stand up to it, to me, and not even blink. Because it hadn't been that, that had her flinching away from me; that had her pulling away from me in more than just a physical way. No, what caused that was my inability to hold in the disgust I felt for Four when I remembered her saying the kiss hadn't been wanted.

Those images in your mind of Four and her together didn't help at fucking all.

"I'm going to ask you one more time, Eric." Said, slapping the back of his hand against my chest and making me stop right there in the corridor of the training room. "What. The. Fuck. Happened?" He enunciates each word slowly but with force.

My lips thin and I look around the to make sure we're alone. "It was Four," I blurt out in the frustration and anger that is carrying over from the roof, and from me reliving it just moments ago.

My friends face shows his confusion before he shakes his head in disbelief. "It was Four that got her so upset?"

I narrow my eyes at him for a second at him disbelieving that it might have been Four, but shake that away and give a growl of frustration. "No." I scowl at him and correct myself. "I mean yes, he was part of what happened. On the roof, after training, he confronted her about something but I didn't catch what. She was already upset when I went over the stop him. But that isn't what I'm talking about." I huff and roll my shoulders trying to get the balls of tension to release a little. "It was fucking Four, Chase. That story about the person who kissed her, her first fucking kiss….was Four." I spit out, with actual spittle coming forth at how filled with anger the words are.

He just stands stunned for a second until I see a bit of anger on his face as well when he picks up on one of the key parts for my anger. Then he sighs and nods. "Honestly, after he came up to the table at lunch yesterday, I knew something was up with the two of them. I just thought they knew each other and that she didn't like him much."

The rage drains from me, making shoulders fall as I reach up and rub the back of my neck. "I don't think she does like him very much either." I admit and the guilt for my reaction deepens even more.

I guess he can see this based on how I'm acting now and he groans, pushing the heels of his palms into his eyes. Probably trying to figure out how I self-destructed this time and what damage control will be needed.

"How bad was it?" He finally asks, dropping his hands and look at me wearily.

"It wasn't pretty, Chase. I blew up at her with it on full blast. She didn't even fucking blink at the anger. It wasn't until…." I stop because even saying it twists the knife even further in my gut. "I might have reacted like I was disgusted with her. Maybe even that I…..hate her."

I was looking away from Chase so I didn't see his reaction until I looked back up, and then instinctively took a slight step back at what I see. I've seen my brother angry before and always felt amused at the fear others clearly felt when looking into his ice blue eyes, but it's never been directed at me until now.

"Then I suggest you better find a way of making it right." He grinds out slowly as if even making that suggestion is taking a force of will from him. His nostrils flare widely as he breathes enough to continue. "Or you fucking walk away now." The glare doesn't lessen but I can see he is calming down slightly as he shakes his head. "He isn't going to just let things slide with you and her, and he's sure to keep close eyes on her. So this little incident, will only be the start. Things are only going to get worse and anytime he pulls one of his stunts or you lose your shit around him, she's going to be the one caught in the middle of it." His mouth twists as he looks me up and down slowly. "If she gets hurt, Eric….." He trails off leaving the rest unsaid.

He doesn't even wait for me to respond before he turns and walks to the doors of the training room, slamming in. They push open with enough force to swing violently and slam into the wall before bouncing back closed. In that few seconds, I got a look at the wide eyes of some confused and then freaked out Initiates to see Chase looking like fury incarnate.

It is going to be a sucky day for the Dauntless-born.

I stand there for a few more seconds and listen as he immediately starts to bark out orders and try to give him room to cool it before I make my way in. When I do, I just move to the side and observe, letting him and Lauren deal with their group.

This gives me time to think over things and where they need to go.

First, he isn't wrong about his estimation of what will happen with Four and me. We have always disagreed on his training style and mine especially with the female initiaties. He's protective and can be on the soft side with them. But it isn't just that kind of thing we can almost come to blows on regularly.

We buttheads on the smallest of shit.

Kat is nowhere near the smallest of shit. Her being from Abnegation was already going to bad enough and Chase and I talked about that while watching the sisters in the Pit last night. We knew it was going to cause friction because Four's overprotective instincts were going to ramp up to high. Now that I know there was a previous connection, romantic or not, I can bet points that it won't take much from me to set him off.

It won't take much from him to set me off either because even now when trying to dispel the thoughts of the two of them, this feeling rages in me. I can identify now that it's mostly jealousy.

So do I want to stir up all of that shit even more than it would already?

If word gets back to the other leaders, or heaven fucking forbid Jeanine got wind of anything, then I'm going to have hell to pay.

On the other hand….

I don't even like where the other hand is leading but it is a viable option. An opportunity to get my way and please the waiting wolves at the same time. If I use the order for me to keep an eye on things as the excuse, lay it out early on, then that would buy me the time I need.

I won't lie, it makes me sick to my stomach even thinking of why it would work. I could already tell Jeanine would be pleased as shit and tell me to do whatever I needed as long as I made sure I keep in mind what she wants in the end. To have a little fun but remember what belongs to her.

If you don't play along, they are just going to have someone else that would be more than willing to do their dirty work for them.

Jeanine and Damon would, no hesitations or second chances given. And if she does order someone else to do it, I won't have a clue who it could be and nothing I could do about it.

"You made your decision yet?" Chase asks quietly from beside me. I was so lost in my own head I didn't even realize he approached me.

I blink and look at him.

My decision? I don't think that there ever really was a decision. Just a lot of excuses to try and turn me from a course I don't want to veer from.

"That was already made before this shit, Chase. Nothing changed for me. I just don't know how I can make it up to her or even fucking explain what happened in the first place." I say while shaking my head slightly and lifting a shoulder in a shrug.

"Be honest with her. You don't have to go all into it, but just tell her the truth. You aren't going to be able to hide your hatred of Four and he isn't going to bother hiding his for you either. I won't be surprised if he doesn't try getting in her ear right now about what a monster you are. So just be honest and prepare her." He replies while looking at the initiates he set to sparring.

I nod in agreement but we don't discuss it anymore. We both said what we needed to. The next move is mine and we know that. It'll have to wait for after training though or even in the morning when I know she'll be alone.

That should give me time to figure out how to tell her about my history with Four. To let her know that history isn't always great. To admit that I do let him get the better of me at times. To also try to explain that it isn't always me that starts shit.

About the time I think I might have it down in my mind, along with a plan of when to tell her, is when it falls apart.

A few hours after lunch I get a summons to meet with Max in his office. Thirty minutes after that I'm outbound for another summons to Erudite. Five hours after leaving Dauntless, I sit on the other side of Jeanine's desk and know it won't be tonight or the next morning before I see Kat again.

I won't see her for at least two weeks. Two weeks of nothing but time to process what Jeanine made clear to me, face to face and my worst fears are confirmed.

She does want both of the Prior sisters and she has enough cause to be able to make the order straight to Max on what she wants to happen. It wasn't Kat that had the inconclusive aptitude test but she did have some irregularities during hers. Enough that it gave Jeanine what she wanted.

My orders are clear. They want both the sisters under close observation. When or if they make it through initiation then they will be put into positions that eyes will always be on them in one way or another. When the time comes, Dauntless is to hand them over.

If they don't make it through the cuts, then I personally have my orders that aren't considered from Dauntless. Even if Max knows full well about them every single time.

So that was that as far as they are concerned...but not for me.