Chapter 13 - Breathe Into Me

Eric

She stabbed herself!

Stabbed. Herself.

Fuck!

After my apology and admission about my issues with Four, the heavy weight of silence hung between us, feeling like it took centuries. She didn't pull away from my touch at least.

I tenderly brushed my thumb over her cheek and wonder why I feel so compelled to touch her like this. It's something completely foreign and unknown to me but I can't seem to get enough. The pull for more is so strong but I hold that in place and wait. Trying to read what she might be feeling or thinking about everything I've said.

Honestly, she was looking like the proverbial deer in fucking headlights at the moment. That is until her wrist flicked and she brought the knives she was holding down on her arm.

I was too late to stop it and could only watch in astonishment and disbelief as they raked across her flesh. Tearing into it in at least one inch long gashes.

Did she yell or scream or cry out even a little?

Nope!

"Oh shit. That's not good." She murmurs in a breathy and pained tone while she looks down at her arm that I'm now reaching for to examine myself.

"You think? Fuck!" I snarl out and drag her back over to the table where our crap is sitting.

I wrap it as quickly as I can. Thanking God that I replaced the towel I use during workouts with a clean one. Then I try to keep the pressure on it while I throw everything back into my bag. I huff when I realize there is a knife in the target.

"Keep your hand tight on this," I order her and move off quickly after she does what I say. I jog over to get the knife, head back to the table. I quickly finish packing everything up and shoulder both our bags, then grab her by her good arm and drag her out of the room.

I'm beyond the ability to think clearly. If I was, I would be considering how this is going to look as I drag her directly to the clinic. I'm too angry at myself and wondering if I messed up so badly with Kat that she felt the only way to get away from me was to stab herself.

"Eric!" Kat's shout and jerking in my grasp got my attention and I scowl as she finally breaks free and stops dead in her tracks.

"What?" I growl out loudly while reaching to pull her back along with me.

She sidesteps my grasp and shakes her head then puffs out a breath, blowing hair that broke free from her ponytail and in front of her eyes.

"I should go alone." She says calmly to me and with complete confidence. Reminding me of my own expression and tone when I state something that could be considered a suggestion, but I know really it's what is going to happen no matter what.

I bristle at that shake my head from side to side. "Not happening. I need to make sure…"

"Eric," She calls my name again, stopping me from finishing that sentence. "You can't." She follows this quickly with a soft smile and shakes her slightly. "You know you can't. This morning….I know we shouldn't be…" She trails off and looks away for a moment. "I know that this could cause issues but I also know that they will be worse if you go in with me. I'll go in and tell them I was practicing on my own and you found me, that you were going to stop me, but I already hurt myself. That way this can still be reported but it won't come back on you. But if they, or her, think you were there the entire time or at all Eric…."

She trails off with a sigh, not finishing and she doesn't need to. I know exactly what she is saying or not saying and it just pisses me off because she isn't wrong.

I feel a brief flash of regret and defeat but I smother that and fire up my mind, finally, and plan quickly.

"Fine. You go in by yourself but I will be sending Chase to go there and be with you. Then as soon as you are done I expect you to come to my apartment with him."

I don't even feel a little bad about commanding her in this. It's bad enough that I can't be there and that I don't trust her to go by herself. I haven't forgotten for a second her remarks about how she feels regarding pain medications. How could I ever forget that? And I know from just that glimpse of her that if I sent her into that clinic by herself she was would ask for the bare minimum to get this taken care of an not a bit more.

That's unacceptable.

I trust Chase, even knowing his feelings for her….

She hesitates, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth before she releases it with a nod and soft sigh. "I will, Eric. I promise."

At least something good came of this clusterfuck. She's back to saying my name at least. I can't dwell on that so I focus on the now.

"Good." I nod and reach for my phone, pulling it out where I had it stowed in a pocket of my bag. When I have the screen open and am about to message Chase, I feel her hand on my arm, making my eyes shot to hers.

"I just wanted to say thank you for the apology and for telling me about the thing with Four. Believe it or not, I can completely relate." She softly laughs and shakes her head with a wry grin tilting her lips before he falls a little and her brow wrinkles a little. "If you think it might better…"

"No!" I already knew where she was going to be headed with this. I could see it in her eyes and I couldn't stop the growl leaving me as I barked out, stopping her words in their tracks. I soften the tone at her frown deepening and then lose my scowl. "No, Kat. I just need you to know that it will never be directed to you or at you. I won't lie, it might get bad between the two of us but that would happen regardless. They are our issues to sort out though. I don't want it to change anything or stop whatever we…" I pause on the words I had been about to say. To stop me from saying relationship. That can't happen, not in the way I want, not yet. I also don't know if she would want that after what passed between us but I have the starting point I talked about with my brothers.

"I am your leader and instructor, but I would also like it if maybe...I could be counted a friend, Kat."

A slow smile and a faint blush starts to spread across her face, catching fire in her eyes until her smile can only be described as beaming at me.

That fucking smile…..

A tension I didn't know I was carrying, along with the breath I was holding, eased in me as she smiled up at me. Her pleasure and acceptance radiating through me before she speaks the words.

"I would like that, Eric." She says softly, the smile not lessening much.

Then in a move too fast for me to react or prepare for, she tips up on her tiptoes then leans into and presses her lips against my cheek.

She pulls back before I can truly register the soft pillowy warmth of her lips and only the electric shock it sent to the area. She bites her bottom lip and is blushing like crazy as she turns and takes off down the hallway to the clinic.

It takes me a moment to get my brain working again as my cheeks and the back of my neck feel uncomfortably warm. I realize I'm fucking blushing but at this moment I don't give a shit as I lift a hand and touch the area that still sizzles from the contact.

"Fuck me," I mutter and realize I've been smiling this entire time.

The weight of the phone in my hand brings me back to the present and look to see the screen is dark. I brush my finger across the screen and it lights back up, Chase's name and the waiting message area already ready for me.

I take a moment to figure out what I'm going to say and internally grumble knowing this isn't going to sound good at all.

'Need you to go be with Kat in the clinic. Make sure she takes whatever they want to give her and that she doesn't try and take as little treatment as possible.'- Eric

It takes a few moments for him to respond and I've already forced myself to start walking in the opposite direction towards the apartment. In that time I have another thought of someone I might be able to trust to take care of Kat.

'What the fuck happened?' - Chase

'I'll explain later, just get to the clinic. I don't trust her to get treated. Matter of fact, get Shauna to take care of her.' - Eric

'Already on my way. We will talk about this later' - Chase

I shake my head grumbling as I stalk my way home. I can already tell this isn't going to go well. It's taking me too much effort to keep myself from saying fuck it and heading right back to that clinic. It's taking a force of will just to keep walking.

By the time I've gotten to my door, I've already sent off five more messages asking for an update from Chase.

I like to think that I have control and patience and I think for almost every other aspect of myself and life, I do. But I've found out very quickly that when it comes to Kat, both of those are sorely tested.

I heard the voices in the hallway and the code being put into the door the same time as Zach and I spun out of my pacing to head towards the door.

"Oh, thank fucking god," Zach huffs loudly and throws me an exasperated look.

I scowl at him but don't bother replying.

I know I've been hard to deal with for the past hour. Zach was just as worried, but I became a nightmare if his grumbling and cursing me is any indication. It might also be an indication that Chase just straight up shut his phone off to keep me from blowing it up with messages.

I don't know that they have anything to be complaining about though, I could have been a hell of lot worse.

There isn't even time for the door to be opened on their side before I whip it open on mine.

Kat is in front of Chase, his hand on her shoulder like he was directing her to go forward ahead of him. I know I shouldn't have the surge of jealousy and anger at him for being with or touching her, but I do. I can't even hide it as my lip starts to curl up in a snarl that drops as soon as his hands drop away from her and mine makes contact when I pull her through the door then start my inspection of her. Every instinct in me is guiding me to be more thorough. To hold her and run my hands over her until I can feel every inch of her is okay. I have to beat every one of those instincts into submission, but I do take her arm and gently lift it up to look at it.

I can't see much since it's currently wrapped in a thin layer of the light-duty bandages. Part of it is gauze to let the wound breathe while also shielding it. The other part of its make-up is a thin adhesive type material that will adhere to the skin keeping it in place.

"I was sure stitches would be more than enough but I was talked into letting them use the healing serums and something called a liquid bandage. They said that the wrapping was just to add extra protection because I'll be fighting today." She replied with a shrug after I looked at the bandage questioningly.

I grunted in approval, glad now that I insisted Chase go and that Shauna take care of her. She might not know Shauna well, but as Zeke Pedrad's longtime girlfriend and Lynn's sister, I knew she would be the one to trust to be in charge of seeing to Kat.

A look at Chase sees him nodding in agreement and with a pointed look in his eyes that tells me everything I thought was exactly what would have happened if they hadn't been there. Then he switches gears and vocally tells me what happened.

"She was being extremely stubborn about it. Despite orders from me and the nurse. But when Shauna mentioned that it might cause her to be excused from fights if she went with stitches instead of the serum, she finally saw reason. It won't affect her during fights much. As long as she doesn't pull a stunt from Wolverine, then she should be fine. Which is what she told the nurse by the way." He says with a smirk looking at me then back to Kat and shaking his head with a smile crossing his face. "You sure can tell some tall tales there, Kat."

He's laughing now, so apparently whatever story she came up with was amusing enough that the anger and worry he had at first is gone now.

"Breakfast is ready," Zach says, ushering us all with words to take our seats at the dining table. "And I could use a few laughs, so you can share that while we eat." He shoots me another glare over his shoulder as he goes into the kitchen.

He poured Kat a cup of coffee but pointedly skipped me. Payment for harassing the only person in my line of sight during the wait.

Zach gets his laugh but it's actually Chase who tells the story.

Kat was glad to let him have the reigns, shaking her head at him here and there for what I can tell is him embellishing the story as she ate her pancakes.

She's now currently enjoying a second serving of pancakes without the syrup we used. She found it too sweet when she was offered it and Zach solved that by making a concoction of honey and butter. Something I just learned is a favorite of hers, and I find myself filing that away along with all the other things I've been learning either directly from her or from my friends.

"When Kat finished telling her all this, and Shauna looked at me, her face was priceless. Then she whispered something about not believing that Eric let her live after that stunt, all in complete shock. Kat just shrugged and said that Eric did tell her that it would serve her right if gangrene set in." Chase smirked over at Kat who was blushing beet red and looking at her plate shyly.

Zach lets out loud laugh, holding his stomach before he calms enough to speak. "Damn she has you down."

Kat made a choking sound, took her glass of water and a big drink to wash it down, then shook her head as she swallowed. "Actually, it that was just me saying what I probably would have said in that situation."

Her flush got deeper at the admission and my smile at her. I could so see that would be something she would say all sarcastically, but I would have probably followed it up with some kind of punishment.

"Well, he isn't wrong. That is definitely something I would have said. I also would have assigned a disciplinary action in addition to that." I say then take a drink of my coffee.

"Funny enough, I might have mentioned that you did just that. Kat is now to report to every morning at 0500 am in the Dauntless-born training room so that you can 'prevent incidents of idiocy and the paperwork that would cause'." Chase says with a smug smirk in my direction.

I can't help but feel extreme relief that Chase has now taken a valid event that happened and was can be proven, and gives us the excuse to be together every morning. No one is going to think this is out of the ordinary for me. I'm sure there are plenty of people that are going to be pissed off or find a reason to gripe at me for the severity of the punishment, but I don't care.

I do care how Kat feels though and that sudden worry and thought makes me look at her. She just smiles and gives a lift of her shoulder beside me. I can feel her arm brush against mine with the action, I'm that close to her.

We are all sitting in the same seats we gathered around the table the last breakfast we had together. The difference for me is that I couldn't let there be any space between us, it just wasn't possible. I need to be close too bad.

The other change was the life that has been breathed into all three of us. In such a short amount of time, I can see this visible difference in my brothers too. A life that I thought was missing in just me, but I can see her presence is bringing that back to them too.

I smiled back at her and nodded as I drained my cup of coffee. It's time to get the day truly started but I'm already counting down to lunch. This time I'm determined not to screw things up and ruin the chances that I can spend it with Kat even if it means being with her friends as well. if it means being with her friends as well.