Disclaimer: I own naught but my own plot and the cherry bombs I throw within...

Chapter 15 - Never Hesitate

Kat

I lingered at lunch for a lot longer than I would have liked. At first, it was because I had honestly lost my appetite and was basically forcing myself to eat, but the longer it took the more dread was building inside of me and that was making me sick to my stomach.

It didn't help that my stress levels kicked up when Will decided to brave joining our table and I didn't want to bail on him just when he came over. I've been trying to tell the transfers that it's good to try and mesh with the Dauntless-born and that if they tried maybe they wouldn't be treated as bad by them. It drew doubtful responses, but the most positive one I got was from Will.

So far he seems to be getting along with my friends. Chase and Zach even gave him a friendly welcome. Eric, well, he was being his normal stoney self but at least he wasn't outright nasty to him.

Unfortunately, where there's a Will...there's a Christina. She didn't follow him right over to the table. She must have needed a little while to work up the nerve to join us.

My friends aren't being unfriendly to either of them, Mar and Uri being the easy going people they are. Lynn is mostly remaining quiet but that's normal for her too when she is with people she doesn't really know. As for me, I'm still caught up in worry about the fights ahead for me and Tris, so I'm quiet as well.

Besides that, I really do want to give the transfers a chance. That's what I promised Tris last night after she spent time with my friends, that I try and do the same with hers. Especially after I came to the realization that part of my issue with Christina is a bit of jealousy and there is no way I want to be that girl.

Eric, Chase, and Zach made no such promises and were quick to leave. Chase with the excuse that he needed to get the next part of the day ready for the Dauntless-born, Zach that he needed to get some paperwork caught up. Eric didn't even bother making an excuse, he just got up with a grunt and stalked off. Of course, it was just a coincidence that all this happened about the same time that Christina started to complain about training and how Dauntless-born has unfair advantages.

I stuck around for as long as I could while Will tried to navigate the conversation to be more constructive and finding out more about training in general and the goals. I could see what he was doing was trying to take Christina's complaints and get answers for them that would help all the transfers understand why we're being put through different things than the Dauntless-born. It just didn't seem to be working, and I didn't have the patience at the moment to stick around.

"Well, I think my food is starting to sit in my stomach like lead so I'm out. I think I'm going to head to the training room and see who my next victim is." I stand with my tray and a cheeky grin, hopefully sporting confidence I am so not feeling right now.

"I'll walk with 'ya," Lynn says as she stands up with a shrug. "Seeing as I don't get my cake for the day and I lost the stomach to eat it anyway." She grumbles with a glare at Christina, who remains oblivious to it.

"I'll see you in there soon," Tris gives me a strained smile and nod.

Lynn and I walk away together to put up our trays and then leave the dining hall with her quietly grumbling about the loss of her cake and putting up with annoying Candor's. Once she got that out of her system it went to mostly comfortable silence while we worked out way out of the pit area. I almost forgot about this morning until Lynn brought it up.

"So, you were trying to imitate Wolverine, huh?" Lynn asks from beside me with a knowing raise of her eyebrow.

"I got careless and now I'm paying for it," I shrug and answer her truthfully.

She doesn't respond to that for several long seconds as we keep on walking, but I feel her eyes on me the entire time.

"You don't get careless with weapons but especially with knives, Kat. It was the first thing I noticed about you when we started training. You don't horse around or play with them. They are serious business for you and always have been. So that story, the 'look at me I'm Wolverine', bullshit doesn't work with me. So tell me what really happened. Did he do anything to you? Maybe something that made you get careless or even…"

I stop abruptly and spin to face her, frustration and anger warring in me. "No, he didn't do anything to me, Lynn." I snap at her, not quite shouting but close to it.

She narrows her eyes and looks around before pulling me with her over to the side and in an out of the way place. She crosses her arms over her chest and gives me a look that clearly means she wants me to continue.

"I really did get careless. I had a blonde moment and forgot about the knives in my hand for a second, but it was enough."

Something flashes in her eyes for a second but it's gone before I can determine what it might be and then it's all anger. "So he's punishing you for something he caused? Don't try and deny it, Kat Prior. I've seen the way you've been reacting around him."

I want to deny it even if I know it's pointless. But what can I tell her? The truth? That I think it's our excuse for us to be able to be together during my morning training? No one actually said that's what is happening and it also implies something more than just the friendship he said he wants. All of this is just making my head spin with confusion and I know I need to talk about it with someone at some point. It would be either Lynn or Mar anyway, with Lynn being the better choice since I know she can keep this a secret.

"He's not punishing me, Lynn."

"Explain then." She demands of me without raising her voice.

I take a breath then explain to her what really happened this morning, but that meant I had to tell her a bit about what happened the last time I saw Eric, minus the details about me and Four. In the end, I just told her that he had a confrontation with Four while I was still there and snapped at me because of it.

That this morning he apologized to me. After she picked her jaw up off the ground after that part of the story quickly finished telling her what the end result of the conversation between us was, minus my belief that he was about to kiss me because this was all embarrassing enough.

"So, we're friends, I guess or becoming friends, but that isn't going to go over very well or look good to the others. Since I train in the mornings anyway…." I trail off and suck my bottom lip between my teeth and shift nervously as I wait for my friend to process everything I've told her.

"Then he can be there and it won't look like anything other than you serving your punishment for your disciplinary action." She automatically finishes my sentence for me and runs a hand over her shaved head and sighs wearily. "Of all the men in this faction it could have been, it had to be him that finally caught your attention, Kat."

I don't know how to take that and feel myself bristling a little before I see her shoulders are shaking with silent laughter.

"What? What's so damn funny?" I demand with a pop of my hip and my hand on it.

She's full-on laughing now and not even being quiet about it. She even has a small tear in the corner of one eye that she reaches up and wipes away. "It's just, Mar predicted this one night when she was talking about guys she could set you up with. Uri kept denying her picks and using the excuse that they wouldn't be able to keep up with you. Mar snapped at him because she knew he was just being protective and wasn't going to be happy with any guy you date. She said it would serve him right if Eric was one that you ended up with. Then later she admitted to me she was actually being serious about that. She could see Eric falling for you."

I struggle to calm the flip-flopping in my stomach and shake my head in denial. "It isn't like that for him, Lynn. I know there's no use denying that I feel...something...for him, but it won't be the same for him."

Lynn studies me, a smile spreading across her face but she doesn't say anything more at first. She just takes my arm, link hers through it and pulls us to continue on. As we pass the Dauntless-born training room and go to the long corridor that will lead to my training room she slows our walk.

"If it does become something more, you need to know it will make you even more of a target, Kat. You've heard everything we've told you about him and the rumors. It won't be pretty and I just need you to be prepared to handle that. But also know, that I've got your back whatever you decide."

By the time we get to the door for the training room, I still have responded to her warning. It isn't like I don't already know them all and have heard it from all kinds of sources.

Four and those times when I've come across him. He's always got a thing or two to say about his rival and nothing is ever nice.

My parents have mentioned him before, my dad especially when I was allowed to go to council meetings with him. Max and Eric were not names mentioned with any kind of kindness in our house.

In Abnegation there were whispers of his cruelty in dealing with incidents involving the factionless. How ruthless he is and how unforgiving.

Even my mentor warned me about him. But his warning was more along the lines of show him real respect and try not to get into too much trouble then I should be fine around him.

I can't lie and say that I don't see what everyone has hinted at or outright said about him. I can see it lurking under the surface but I also see that some of it is an act or a mask of sorts. I'm not naive to think it's all just an act though. He wouldn't hold the position he does or has the reputation he has if there weren't actions and incidents to back all of that up.

I can't lie and say that it's that side of him, as well as the other side he's allowing me to be part of, combined together that draws me to him. It brings something out in me that I can't even begin to explain. It almost feels like, when he's near, that part of me is coming to life with him.

"I don't think I'll have to worry about that, Lynn."

Even if I know I will spend nights dreaming about it being more, I know it won't be.

Can't be.

"Well, you better get inside. Don't want to be late and end up getting another punishment." Lynn says with a shrug and smirk. "Kick ass today girl."

After a not so soft and friendly punch to my shoulder, she moves away with a laugh so I can't retaliate and am left only able to scowl at her back. She breaks into a jog and throws a hand up in a wave and disappears, leaving me alone and rubbing my shoulder.

I take a breath and open the doorway to hell.

"Oh no," Someone squeaks from beside me, breaking me from my thoughts and disbelief as I stood staring at the board with all of our names and pairings for the fights today. "Are they serious? They're really going to make you fight him?"

I don't need to turn to see that the questions and disbelief is coming from Christina and not directed to me, but I do anyway because I know my sister is with her and I need to see how she's reacting to what we all have just discovered.

She looks exactly how I must have looked for the last ten minutes as I stood here in disbelief at what I saw up on the board. I caught the tail end of Four moving away from it and had hurried forward, not even noticing at first how he refused to look my way and hadn't even said a word to me despite us being the only ones in the room at that moment.

I know he wrote the names, it's his handwriting up there. But was he the one to make the matches this time or did Eric make them now that he's back? I wouldn't put it past Eric, but something tells me this is Four and his attempt to compensate for the blatant favoritism he showed for our last matches.

I mean, I knew that Four might go in the opposite direction and throw one or both of us a harder match. I already had my suspicions on who the person would be, but to be honest I expected it to be me that would be put up against Peter, not Tris.

That's right.

Peter. Fucking. Hayes.

That's who Tris has her first match against.

I hear more frantic whispering between Al and Christina with Will keeping silent but looking worriedly between me and Tris. My focus mainly remains on my sister.

I see her complexion is pale and she is worrying her bottom lip. More importantly, I see that her chin is jutted out and I know what that means. In an instant, I see that determination and courage she was building up deflate at the words of her two bickering friends.

Al shuffles nervously beside her, then lays a hand on her shoulder. "Maybe you can just take a few hits and pretend to go unconscious." He suggests meekly. "No one would blame you."

Oh hell no!

I scream this mentally at the same time as Tris' posture deflates and her cheeks flush. "Yeah," She intones flatly, "Maybe."

"Hell no, Tris." I spin towards the other two and glare at them, causing Al to flinch and let his hand drop from my sister's shoulder. "My sister is not weak and willing to just give up. You might be perfectly fine with throwing away your spot here by half-assing everything but she won't. Only fucking cowards would do that." I huff out a parting shot while looking directly at Al as I pull Tris away from them and over to the side.

We pass others and I know they are all watching us, probably having overheard the entire conversation but I don't care.

I'm stomping further away when Tris pulls me up short and turn slowly, bracing for a lecture or something like that, only to be surprised when she throws her arms around me and pulls me into a fierce hug. I only hesitate a second before I wrap my arms around her as well.

Her breathing is ragged and I'm sure she's fighting tears but we don't pull away for me to check. "Thank you," She whispers raggedly

I tighten my arms around her, squeezing slightly. "You don't have to thank me for believing in you, Tris. You've always been strong and are only going to get stronger."

"Wish I could believe that. Even with the help from last night, I don't think I have a chance of winning." She mumbled before pulling back.

I have to choose my words carefully here because I don't want to chance to discourage her, but I have to say this anyway. "Tris, I want to be honest with you. There is a very real chance you might not win. That you might get hurt in this fight, but that is the same for any of us every time we're fighting."

I pause and look at her before continuing on and see her nodding slowly.

"I know that it might seem like I'm all confident in my abilities and skills but the truth is that most of that is just an act. Because I refuse to let the others think I'm going to back down an inch just because they might be bigger and stronger than me. They might have all of that going for them, but we have something that is just as powerful, Tris. There's this saying I found once and I repeat it over and over to myself to help me focus, but especially when I am at my lowest. 'Strength does not come from physical capacity, it comes from an indomitable will'. You are stronger than you think. You can and will do this."

Tris inhales deeply and slowly, releasing it just as slowly before she gives me a firm nod. "I'm assuming you have some advice for me?"

I nod at her and frown a little. Already knowing she isn't going to like where my thoughts are going when I don't really like them myself. "Do you remember what Chase pointed out to us last night? Things to look for when you're fighting and why it's important to try to remain observant."

"He said to look for any weakness your opponent might have and to use it against them if possible."

"Right." I nod and look over to where Peter is standing near his friends while they are both smirking over in our direction. He has no expression right now as he listens to whatever they're saying. "Do you remember what I suspected about him?"

I look back at her to see her face scrunched up in thought before I see it dawn on her.

"You want me to…."

"Yes," I answer firmly, interrupting her drawn out question. "Never hesitate, remember? Do you really think if it were reversed he would hesitate to take a shot at whatever your weakness is? That he won't be looking to do just that today?"

I can see the answer before she vocalizes it. "No, he wouldn't hesitate at all." She takes another fortifying breath and shakes her head as she releases it. "Doesn't that make me just as bad as him though?"

I try to keep the disbelief and disappointment from my face but fail. So I wait a few seconds to calm down before answering. "If you were going to do it just to hurt him or to be cruel then, yeah, maybe. But you wouldn't be doing it for either of those reasons. We are being trained to look for weaknesses and use them against an enemy and this would be showing that skill. This is what soldiers do, Tris."

She sighs heavily. "I know. I know this...I just...I don't like it, Kat. It just seems this whole thing is so….cruel." She looks down at her hands and shakes her head. "But we didn't join Amity and we aren't Abnegation anymore. We never were. I get what you're saying. We are Dauntless and we can't afford to not be this way."

"You don't have to go for that first thing though. In fact, it would be better if you didn't. Fight and really give it your everything. Like I told Myra before our fight, I think they look for us showing them we don't intend to give up. That we are putting everything into it. But when you see the chance or if you know you're in trouble, do it. Like back on the roof and what you were telling Christina. Don't think, just do it."

She gives me a firm nod of agreement and I smile at her, relief and pride filling me.

Not so long ago it seemed like all traces of the big sister I had always looked up to and admired was fading fast. I blame that all on the elders that focused all of their efforts on the eldest dependents. We were all forced to spend hours listening to sermons where they went on and on about the Abnegation core beliefs, but for any oldest child and especially those that were coming up on their choosing, they seemed bent on brainwashing the lot of us into obedience.

It seems like everyone is now in the training room and I glance over to see that both Four and Eric are standing beside the board now. I hadn't even noticed him coming into the room, I was that absorbed with talking to my sister. We clasp hands and make our way to join the others that are now all huddled together waiting to be told what to do.

As we get nearer to where Eric is standing, I chance a glance at him. His face is blank but his eyes are ice as they flick between the board and Four until they lock onto me when I pass. They soften, only in the slightest and probably no one else notices, but I do. And it feels to me like he's also trying to tell me something with that.

Maybe that he didn't do this?

I give him a small nod and my lips quirk up at the sides in a smile before we both look away with me looking back at the board.

Earlier my own match had barely registered for me. Even now I can hardly concentrate on the fact that I'll be facing Drew. I know I should because he will by no means be as easy as Myra was for me. While he isn't the strongest of fighters skill wise, Drew is physically strong and has only gained strength with the workouts we've all been doing for the past two weeks. But my fight with Drew is one of the last ones while Tris' match against Peter will just before mine. So, all I can do is stew and worry about her while I know she is just as worried about mine.

At least we'll be suffering together.

"Did you see who I'm going against?" Christina whines in a hushed whisper once we join the group again. "The Tank."

Tris and I both wrinkle our noses in confusion, making us look even more like the twins most people confuse us for at times, while we search the board for Christina's name. What we find is the name, Molly.

I can't help the snort that leaves me when I realize that must be what others are calling Molly behind her back.

Though 'Tank' is an apt description for her, I think the Dauntless-born named Tank would take offense at her being given his name.

Tris and Christina get into a discussion about Peter, Molly, and Drew and why Christina came into Dauntless hating them just as much as they seem to hate her too. I listen half-heartedly and wonder if I should just keep my mouth shut or give her the advice I would have given my sister if she was matched up against Molly today like I originally thought she would be.

For a moment, I almost don't when I remember the pitying looks she and Al had given my sister when they saw she was going to be fighting Peter. I almost want to throw Al's words back in her face and encourage her to give up like a coward. Just like they wanted my sister too.

I glance at my sister and see the concern she has for her friend. I sigh and resign myself not to give into pettiness and try to be better.

"Christina, Molly might be strong and built like a tank, as you say, but she is also slower because of her size. Use your size to your advantage. You might be tall but you are also slim and fast. Don't forget she's hot-headed and you can use that to your advantage too by getting her to drop her guard or make a mistake."

Tris gives me a small grateful smile while Christina just looks at me blankly for a few seconds before she mumbles something that might be thanks. It doesn't leave me with the feeling that she's going to take my advice at all.

She likely believes I'm trying to trick her in some way to make her lose.

I shrug it off and figure I at least tried, then turn my attention to Four and Eric as they call everyone to the front so the day can start.

"Listen up! You can all see who you're matched to for your fights here on the board if you haven't noticed. I suggest that you all take a good look and start preparing now. This will be the second round of fights and by now you should have picked up what we've been teaching you. It's expected that you learn and adapt quickly to what we're teaching you; to think, react and move just as quickly as well. That will be something we look for in your fights, as well as any other training you undergo."

Eric's tone goes on in a bored drawl as his eyes move over all of us. At the end of his speech, he seems to concentrate on Al as they narrow and turn harder.

"It's come to my attention that there are a few of you who are having issues understanding the purpose of fights and when a fight is supposed to end. Some of you are under the impression that it's okay to just...give up." He sneers while looking directly at Al, making it clear who he's meaning before he shifts his gaze to roam over the rest of us right now, pausing to gauge everyone else's reaction. "Dauntless do not give up. There should and will be, no question of this. Giving up is a cowardly act and we do not tolerate acts of cowardice. If anyone here feels like this is an issue for them, feel free to head to the gate right now. Save me the trouble of kicking you to it later on for wasting my time. This is the only warning I'll give you. Am I understood?"

"Sir, yes, Sir," Our group answers back, some are a little lagging in their response and some more forceful in their response than the others. When the last person got their muttered reply back, an awkward silence descends until Four clears his throat and calls for us to start our warm-up routines.

"Initiate," Eric drawls from behind me, stopping me from moving away with the others.

I turn to face him and then move behind him after he motions with his head for me to follow him. We don't move too far away from the others, only just far enough that we won't be heard before he turns back to face me.

He's facing the group and not looking at me when I approach him, his arms are crossed over his chest while his expression is that mask that betrays nothing of what he might thinking or feeling.

"I need you to know…" He says so lowly that I barely hear him and he pauses as if debating on how to put it but I already know what he's trying to tell me so I interrupt him.

"I already knew."

"Kat," He says my name in a sigh that almost seems relieved before his forehead wrinkles, causing the dermals above his eyebrow to raise up. "I would have though. I need you to know that too." He says sounding him as if it pains him to admit another thing I already knew.

I smirk slightly and shrug. "I already knew that too."

"And with you too, Kat. I will and am going to have to."

"You better," I manage to get out after I calm the thudding of my heart and flipping in my stomach when I realize he really is worried how I'm going to handle this coming from him.

I meet his eyes after they shift to mine and smirk slightly at the surprise I see in his eyes before his smirk matches mine.

"Good girl," He whispers in what sounds like a purr. It feels like silk moving against my skin in how it makes me feel. I can't stop myself from biting my lip slightly and he quickly moves his eyes away and clears his throat. "Dismissed. Go warm up."

I'm still biting my lower lip as I turn abruptly and quickly walk over to join the others. All the warm fluttery feelings I had disappear as I inwardly groan when I realize the only open spot is next to Peter.

I ignore him and his cronies completely as I start my stretches, or rather I try to but it's kind of hard when I can hear muttered insults about me or my sister. That mainly comes from Molly and Drew with Peter occasionally adding something in but mostly keeping quiet. I don't know if it's the fact that I manage to keep myself from looking like they are bothering me in the least or what causes him to finally join in, but Peter starts to show his true colors as we near the end of stretches.

"Don't worry, I won't damage your sister too much, Stiff. Might mess up that pretty little face of hers though." Then he pauses and gives me an evil smirk. "Or it might just improve it."

"So funny, Peter," I mumble and shake my head. I know he's baiting me and I should ignore it but I can't stand the thought of my sister having to fight this bastard. Every time I look at his stupid face or hear his voice I see flashes of my sister being hurt by him and that is destroying any resolve to not let him get to me.

I feel something in me snap as I imagine him smirking down at my sister in the same manner he just did me.

"You know, you don't fool me. I've known guys like you all my life but some of them are worse than you could ever imagine being. The thing you all have in common is that in the end, you are nothing but cowards underneath all the talk and smirks. You are nothing but weak on the inside so you try to make others feel weaker than you just so you can feel stronger."

I can tell my words are having the desired effect on him by the way his arms are flexing and the red tinge on his cheeks. "How is that working out for you, by the way? Do you feel strong now? Do you feel like a man, Peter?"

"Shut up, Stiff. You don't know a fucking thing about me." Peter snarls as he abruptly stands up from his stretch and faces me with his fists clenched to his side.

A surge of feral triumph floods me as I stand straight and let a wicked smirk cross my face. I can tell he recognizes this same smirk as the one I had just before I shoved his ass from the train because he pales a little but he doesn't back down.

"Oh, but I do, Peter. You're an open book to me. You and your daddy issues. Let me guess…" I cross my arms over my chest and tap my chin as if in thought, my forehead wrinkling as if I'm having to work really hard at what I'm thinking about. "He was never happy with anything you did and didn't waste a chance in telling you what a disappointment you are to him? That's the Candor thing to do right, to let his kid know what a complete failure he is?"

I tilt my head as I speak in a sugary sweet tone that is honestly anything but nice and that would repulse me normally if I weren't so livid at the images of what he might do to my sister in their fight. A darker part of me is rising to the surface and as much as a small part of me is trying to warn me how much I'm going to regret my words and actions right now, I don't stop.

Looking at his reactions and his posture, along with all our other interactions, it all speaks to me and paints a picture. A picture that hits home in some ways and tugs at my compassion until I shove that aside when I hear his friends goading him to say something back to me.

"I'm sure it's a safe bet that mother dearest was nowhere near during all of this. That she couldn't or wouldn't stand up for her baby boy. So, not only do you have a major inferiority complex all thanks to Papa; you also have issues with women stemming from resentment for your mother."

I move closer to him without even really noticing it as I drop all pretense of a sweet demeanor. Intent on hurting him before he hurts my sister. Not even caring in this moment how cruel I'm being or the damage I'm inflicting.

"Don't you talk about my mom." He hisses in a warning, a vein pulsing on the side of his neck.

"I'm guessing by your instant reaction to us on the train that…" My eyes widen as the truth hits me like a ton of fucking bricks being swung by a giant straight at my chest. It almost knocks the wind out of me, it hits me that hard.

"Shut up, Stiff," Peter snarls and flinches forward towards me when he realizes what I was about to say before I stopped. "You don't know anything about me or my family."

Four joined us at some point and has Peter by his arms, pulling him back. "That's enough!" He barks out to us while yanking Peter back from me.

We were in each other's faces and I think by his expression Peter is just as surprised by that as I am. It's enough to bring me back to the present and the reality of what just happened, like buckets of ice water being tossed over me.

I stumble back a little only to feel firm hands steadying me from behind. I look over my shoulder to see Edward there, frowning a little. I turn wild eyes on the rest of the room and see that everyone is looking at me with either frowns or in disgust.

Everyone but Eric.

He stands not far off, his posture rigid but his lower lip pulled between his teeth as he aims calculating eyes at me. It lasts for a second before he gives me a small nod and turns away.

"It might be better if you continued your warm up over here with us," Edward says, guiding me almost gently to where Myra is standing. His frown is gone and he has a small smile. There is also something in his eyes that makes me think I just gained a little respect from him but I'm not sure why.

I nod and follow along a little numbly, avoiding looking at my sister. I don't want to risk looking at her and seeing the familiar look of disappointment in her eyes. When I'm taking up a position to start my warm-up again I catch a glimpse of Peter off to the side with Four. He's standing there rigidly while Four is talking to him quietly. I don't know if he just feels my eyes on him or what, but I find him looking back at me.

For a second I think I see real pain in his green eyes before it's gone and all I see is pure anger.

"Yeah, I got it," He snarls loudly at Four before he jerks his arm from his grasp and moves away.

That feeling of dread that's been following me all morning seems to be lodged in my throat as I realize that in my anger of what could happen to my sister, I might have just made it a guarantee.